Marriage is a gamble. You step up in front of a member of the clergy or a perhaps a judge or maybe, sometimes, if you're feeling bold, an Elvis impersonator and you declare you want to spend the rest of your life with the person next to you. Unfortunately, and you might have to disappoint "Elvis" on this, over time you grow distant, and you don't want to be with that person anymore.
Reddit user, u/ctb540272, wanted to hear the reason to remarry or run when they asked:
Just Changing A Few things About Me
Yes, I would, but there are actions and things about my past that I would do over or differently if I had the opportunity. I would marry her again every single time.
She, on the other hand, would not have married me. She doesn't want to be married at all. So I'm trying to deal with that. :-(
Never Need A Break
Yep. Married him 4 months after meeting him and will be married 10 years this fall. He's the only person that I've never needed a break from. Even with my close friends of over 20 years after a week or so together I would need a breather, never did with him. So that's the only advice I have, marry someone you don't get sick of.
Time Changes Everybody. Sometimes Too Much.
In all honesty, probably not. We met very young and have grown into very different people than we were when we first met, taken totally different paths, and completely changed life plans a few times.
I think if we were meet now we would think of ourselves as being too different. In fact, I don't think we would meet if we hadn't met the way we did. Our lives would be so different.
That being said, we have been together for almost 12 years and grown up together. We learned so much about each other and have a true understanding having gone through so much already that I can't imagine not having my partner, who knows how I would react, the way I think and process, and my history so intimately, next to me throughout our lives together. We have strength because of our combined growth.
To clarify: we met as 18/19 year olds and have been married for 6 years.
What's The Obvious Answer?
Nope. We don't have anything in common and I think (though we've never discussed it) that we both know it.
In answer to the second question...because of the kids.
The First And Only
For me it was the opposite. When we're engaged, it was rough, and had doubts we we're ready to get married.
Fast forward to 22 years, she's my best friend, she the first person I want to call when something good happens, the first person I want to talk to when something bad happens.
A Change Of Self
She realized last year that she's gay, not bi. She's not sure if she was always gay or just gradually lost her interest in men or what, but she's only interested in women these days. I still love her madly, she still loves me platonically, we're best friends and we have kids together, but...it's complicated, I guess. I don't regret the years we've had together. We have three beautiful kids.
My favorite memories seem to involve her. But there's a dull, ever-present ache that comes with knowing that she doesn't feel about me how I feel about her. And if it were suddenly 15 years in the past, I don't know which would be harder - marrying with the knowledge that she'll spend years in denial about her (lack of) attraction to me and all the baggage that comes with that, or throwing away the good years completely (and preventing the kids from existing in the process).
You Can Say Yes, But Still Wonder
I feel like if I were to say no then I would be lying to myself. As much as I love my wife, I can't avoid the curiosity of what could have been if I chose the single route for the rest of my life. I'm also aware that most marriages have ups and downs. And marriage is something that you don't simply walk away from like a boyfriend/girlfriend.
You have to realize that marriages take work too. Sometimes it's as effortless as breathing and others are when you think you may want to just walk away from it all. Wife, kids, day-to-day life, etc and start over. Give it enough time and you may think of everything whether it's a couple of years or decades (currently thinking of this song - Roy Clark "Right or Left at Oak Street" and the show "Married... With Children").
I know I'm still married because I believe she's worth it all and she believes that I'm worth it too.
Depends On The Year
Giphy
It's telling that how I would have answered this question would vary based on what year I was asked, sometimes on which day I was asked. Examples:
Year 0-5: would have picked spouse, over and over
Year 6-8: found a 'soul mate' at work. Never had an affair but boy did I want to. SO glad at this point I didn't pursue and ruin my life and impact many others. For example, the soulmate soon found a great single guy and is happily married with lovely kids and never had to deal with the drama of being a homewrecker or a step mom. Had I been single when I met this person in some different cosmos, she might have been the person sleeping next to me right now.
Year 9-24: would have picked spouse, with the exception of the night of the 'spaghetti incident'
Year 25:. Would have picked just about any person I was ever mildly attracted to over my spouse. Rough year. Daughter's sobs broke both of our hearts and changed the direction.
Year 26-30: Spouse probably, building to spouse for sure. And thankful I held out. Doubt this trajectory will change at this point. Mature enough to realize I would have eventually had ups and downs with any other person. Have watched friends upend their lives only to find 5 years later their new person isn't perfect either. Love can be rebuilt if both are willing to try.
TLDR:. Marriage has ups and downs. Children, parents, spouse, other person, yourself, and many others are impacted.
I'm on the fence about high school. I want to hate it, but nostalgia haunts me. I saw a lot of violence, there is that.
We were on CNN.
don lemon nodding GIF by Red Table TalkGiphy"They started charging us for ketchup in the cafeteria. Most of the school boycotted cafeteria lunch and brought all manner of condiments from home. We were on CNN. They eventually caved." ~ Ash3Monti
No one liked him.
"I was big into drama club and musical theatre when I was in high school. There was a girl in the drama club in her freshmen or sophomore year who was super nice and everyone loved her. Her older brother on the the other hand, was a complete and total douchebag. No one liked him."
"He always made inappropriate comments or jokes and no one liked to be around him. One night, he was driving him and his sister back from school when he took a steep curve going around 100 mph. He lost control and hit a telephone pole. His sister died instantly and he was in a coma for a few weeks but ultimately survived."
"Myself and my friends in the drama club were devastated. She was one of the sweetest girls you'll ever met and we all loved her. A year or two later, the brother messages my sister and tries to use his sister's death as leverage to get laid. F**k you, you piece of crap." ~ FearTheKeflex
Bribes
"Guidance counselor was taking bribes to change grades (Both money and sexual favors). Invited one male student over to his house. Had the student tie him up and hang him by chains in his basement "dungeon." Student was homophobic and while the counselor was tied up, bludgeoned him to death." ~ monthos
H2O Issues...
"This is not that extreme, but it's still disgusting. We have drinking water taps instead of fountains. One parent was suspicious of whether they were cleaning the tanks or not. So they made an announcement that the tank was being cleaned every single day."
"A lot of us didn't believe it, so a group of boys decided to see for themselves if it was true or not. So they put a dead frog in the tank when there was no one around. I don't even know where they found the frog but they swear they didn't kill it. Anyway the frog was there for a few weeks. And obviously the water started tasting weird."
"After the teachers got multiple complaints, they opened the tank and found the frog. The boys were punished, but they fired back with the fact that they lied about cleaning the tanks. They were still punished, because they proved it in a disgusting way. They could've put literally anything in the tank, but they chose a dead frog." ~ R00mTemperature
The Quad
Acds2 Look Away GIF by Anime Crimes DivisionGiphy"A worker doing stuff on the roof. He fell off. Landed in the 'quad' at lunch. A large piece of machinery fell and squished his head. Like a cartoon, only funny. Like 150 Kids saw this." ~ LordInventus
Threats
"The Latin kings gang threatened my cousin and his friends and they had 10 squad cars guarding the whole school and dismissed us the same day early." ~ Terrykrinkle
“it’s gonna blow”
"I had just moved in from Egypt to the states in my senior year of high school. A teacher thought it would be funny to fold a bunch of papers and wrap them in duck tape to make it look like a bomb and threw it my direction and went under his desk saying 'it’s gonna blow.' Everybody started laughing and I was so clueless then I just laughed along. It infuriates me to this day that I didn’t call him out on it or report him." ~ ezzabousaif
Go Fish
"Someone somehow made a bomb threat on a Swedish fish candy. Like one single piece. I don’t know how it happened but he got arrested." ~ ts_13_
Masternid
"A couple weeks before graduation, this kid hacked into the school system and put a Hitler quote and a Boston bomber reference in the senior quotes for the yearbook. One of the affected parties was a trans girl, and we're still not sure if it was a targeted act because of that."
"Administration didn't find out until the entire senior class had received their books. Some people turned theirs in to get their pages replaced, but some kept it because it was a 'limited edition item' or some stupid sh*t like that. Kid got arrested and charged with cybercrime, since he hacked everyone in our school system's school passwords."
"He was so close to graduating too, but got expelled like two weeks before he could. Looked like a rat too. It was all over the news, and everyone in the state of CT basically knows about this now. Got out on bail for $5000." ~ kocorpsie
Season 3 What GIF by On My Block"Apparently one student brought drugs to school and was selling it to her friends. A completely unrelated student caught on and stole the drugs while everyone else was in class. She was caught snorting the drugs in the bathroom by the group selling the drugs and got the crap beat out of her."
"We also had a recently graduated student murder his parents for insurance money . He hid the bodies in a chicken coop and told everybody they were on vacation. It wasn't until 7 months later the bodies were found by the landlord because the rent was late." ~ randomgenericcow
Enjoy high school, at least try too. Maybe if more kids do that, it wouldn't be so insane.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.