Marriage is a gamble. You step up in front of a member of the clergy or a perhaps a judge or maybe, sometimes, if you're feeling bold, an Elvis impersonator and you declare you want to spend the rest of your life with the person next to you. Unfortunately, and you might have to disappoint "Elvis" on this, over time you grow distant, and you don't want to be with that person anymore.

Reddit user, u/ctb540272, wanted to hear the reason to remarry or run when they asked:

Married people of Reddit- if you had a do-over, would you still marry the same person? If not, why are you still married?

Just Changing A Few things About Me

Yes, I would, but there are actions and things about my past that I would do over or differently if I had the opportunity. I would marry her again every single time.

She, on the other hand, would not have married me. She doesn't want to be married at all. So I'm trying to deal with that. :-(


Never Need A Break

Yep. Married him 4 months after meeting him and will be married 10 years this fall. He's the only person that I've never needed a break from. Even with my close friends of over 20 years after a week or so together I would need a breather, never did with him. So that's the only advice I have, marry someone you don't get sick of.


Time Changes Everybody. Sometimes Too Much.

In all honesty, probably not. We met very young and have grown into very different people than we were when we first met, taken totally different paths, and completely changed life plans a few times.

I think if we were meet now we would think of ourselves as being too different. In fact, I don't think we would meet if we hadn't met the way we did. Our lives would be so different.

That being said, we have been together for almost 12 years and grown up together. We learned so much about each other and have a true understanding having gone through so much already that I can't imagine not having my partner, who knows how I would react, the way I think and process, and my history so intimately, next to me throughout our lives together. We have strength because of our combined growth.

To clarify: we met as 18/19 year olds and have been married for 6 years.


What's The Obvious Answer?

Nope. We don't have anything in common and I think (though we've never discussed it) that we both know it.

In answer to the second question...because of the kids.


The First And Only

For me it was the opposite. When we're engaged, it was rough, and had doubts we we're ready to get married.

Fast forward to 22 years, she's my best friend, she the first person I want to call when something good happens, the first person I want to talk to when something bad happens.


A Change Of Self

She realized last year that she's gay, not bi. She's not sure if she was always gay or just gradually lost her interest in men or what, but she's only interested in women these days. I still love her madly, she still loves me platonically, we're best friends and we have kids together,'s complicated, I guess. I don't regret the years we've had together. We have three beautiful kids.

My favorite memories seem to involve her. But there's a dull, ever-present ache that comes with knowing that she doesn't feel about me how I feel about her. And if it were suddenly 15 years in the past, I don't know which would be harder - marrying with the knowledge that she'll spend years in denial about her (lack of) attraction to me and all the baggage that comes with that, or throwing away the good years completely (and preventing the kids from existing in the process).


You Can Say Yes, But Still Wonder

I feel like if I were to say no then I would be lying to myself. As much as I love my wife, I can't avoid the curiosity of what could have been if I chose the single route for the rest of my life. I'm also aware that most marriages have ups and downs. And marriage is something that you don't simply walk away from like a boyfriend/girlfriend.

You have to realize that marriages take work too. Sometimes it's as effortless as breathing and others are when you think you may want to just walk away from it all. Wife, kids, day-to-day life, etc and start over. Give it enough time and you may think of everything whether it's a couple of years or decades (currently thinking of this song - Roy Clark "Right or Left at Oak Street" and the show "Married... With Children").

I know I'm still married because I believe she's worth it all and she believes that I'm worth it too.


Depends On The Year


It's telling that how I would have answered this question would vary based on what year I was asked, sometimes on which day I was asked. Examples:

Year 0-5: would have picked spouse, over and over

Year 6-8: found a 'soul mate' at work. Never had an affair but boy did I want to. SO glad at this point I didn't pursue and ruin my life and impact many others. For example, the soulmate soon found a great single guy and is happily married with lovely kids and never had to deal with the drama of being a homewrecker or a step mom. Had I been single when I met this person in some different cosmos, she might have been the person sleeping next to me right now.

Year 9-24: would have picked spouse, with the exception of the night of the 'spaghetti incident'

Year 25:. Would have picked just about any person I was ever mildly attracted to over my spouse. Rough year. Daughter's sobs broke both of our hearts and changed the direction.

Year 26-30: Spouse probably, building to spouse for sure. And thankful I held out. Doubt this trajectory will change at this point. Mature enough to realize I would have eventually had ups and downs with any other person. Have watched friends upend their lives only to find 5 years later their new person isn't perfect either. Love can be rebuilt if both are willing to try.

TLDR:. Marriage has ups and downs. Children, parents, spouse, other person, yourself, and many others are impacted.


Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

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