Marriage is a gamble. You step up in front of a member of the clergy or a perhaps a judge or maybe, sometimes, if you're feeling bold, an Elvis impersonator and you declare you want to spend the rest of your life with the person next to you. Unfortunately, and you might have to disappoint "Elvis" on this, over time you grow distant, and you don't want to be with that person anymore.
Reddit user, u/ctb540272, wanted to hear the reason to remarry or run when they asked:
Just Changing A Few things About Me
Yes, I would, but there are actions and things about my past that I would do over or differently if I had the opportunity. I would marry her again every single time.
She, on the other hand, would not have married me. She doesn't want to be married at all. So I'm trying to deal with that. :-(
Never Need A Break
Yep. Married him 4 months after meeting him and will be married 10 years this fall. He's the only person that I've never needed a break from. Even with my close friends of over 20 years after a week or so together I would need a breather, never did with him. So that's the only advice I have, marry someone you don't get sick of.
Time Changes Everybody. Sometimes Too Much.
In all honesty, probably not. We met very young and have grown into very different people than we were when we first met, taken totally different paths, and completely changed life plans a few times.
I think if we were meet now we would think of ourselves as being too different. In fact, I don't think we would meet if we hadn't met the way we did. Our lives would be so different.
That being said, we have been together for almost 12 years and grown up together. We learned so much about each other and have a true understanding having gone through so much already that I can't imagine not having my partner, who knows how I would react, the way I think and process, and my history so intimately, next to me throughout our lives together. We have strength because of our combined growth.
To clarify: we met as 18/19 year olds and have been married for 6 years.
What's The Obvious Answer?
Nope. We don't have anything in common and I think (though we've never discussed it) that we both know it.
In answer to the second question...because of the kids.
The First And Only
For me it was the opposite. When we're engaged, it was rough, and had doubts we we're ready to get married.
Fast forward to 22 years, she's my best friend, she the first person I want to call when something good happens, the first person I want to talk to when something bad happens.
A Change Of Self
She realized last year that she's gay, not bi. She's not sure if she was always gay or just gradually lost her interest in men or what, but she's only interested in women these days. I still love her madly, she still loves me platonically, we're best friends and we have kids together, but...it's complicated, I guess. I don't regret the years we've had together. We have three beautiful kids.
My favorite memories seem to involve her. But there's a dull, ever-present ache that comes with knowing that she doesn't feel about me how I feel about her. And if it were suddenly 15 years in the past, I don't know which would be harder - marrying with the knowledge that she'll spend years in denial about her (lack of) attraction to me and all the baggage that comes with that, or throwing away the good years completely (and preventing the kids from existing in the process).
You Can Say Yes, But Still Wonder
I feel like if I were to say no then I would be lying to myself. As much as I love my wife, I can't avoid the curiosity of what could have been if I chose the single route for the rest of my life. I'm also aware that most marriages have ups and downs. And marriage is something that you don't simply walk away from like a boyfriend/girlfriend.
You have to realize that marriages take work too. Sometimes it's as effortless as breathing and others are when you think you may want to just walk away from it all. Wife, kids, day-to-day life, etc and start over. Give it enough time and you may think of everything whether it's a couple of years or decades (currently thinking of this song - Roy Clark "Right or Left at Oak Street" and the show "Married... With Children").
I know I'm still married because I believe she's worth it all and she believes that I'm worth it too.
Depends On The Year
Giphy
It's telling that how I would have answered this question would vary based on what year I was asked, sometimes on which day I was asked. Examples:
Year 0-5: would have picked spouse, over and over
Year 6-8: found a 'soul mate' at work. Never had an affair but boy did I want to. SO glad at this point I didn't pursue and ruin my life and impact many others. For example, the soulmate soon found a great single guy and is happily married with lovely kids and never had to deal with the drama of being a homewrecker or a step mom. Had I been single when I met this person in some different cosmos, she might have been the person sleeping next to me right now.
Year 9-24: would have picked spouse, with the exception of the night of the 'spaghetti incident'
Year 25:. Would have picked just about any person I was ever mildly attracted to over my spouse. Rough year. Daughter's sobs broke both of our hearts and changed the direction.
Year 26-30: Spouse probably, building to spouse for sure. And thankful I held out. Doubt this trajectory will change at this point. Mature enough to realize I would have eventually had ups and downs with any other person. Have watched friends upend their lives only to find 5 years later their new person isn't perfect either. Love can be rebuilt if both are willing to try.
TLDR:. Marriage has ups and downs. Children, parents, spouse, other person, yourself, and many others are impacted.
Wanna jump off the bandwagon? Then keep reading!
U/lit3rallyuseless asked: What doesn't deserve the hate it gets?
​Film and media are probably the biggest contender for being hated on randomly. It may seem harmless, but not always deserved.
Actors are people too!
Actors who played characters that people didn't like.
Really if you hated the character then the actor did a good job (assuming that was the role).
The best cartoons.
nice day summer GIF by PBS KIDSGiphyChild cartoons. Some are actually really good, even as an adult.
I feel like watching cartoons aimed at generally a younger audience allows for you to be reminded of some life lessons, I know I forget some things, or didn't realise others, or it at least partially renews my awareness of something I should still like or appreciate
This doesn't deserve awards, it's just my opinion that is apparently shared by many.
This man did nothing wrong.
Guy Fieri, he literally is the nicest person in the world but since he looks like he was electrocuted by mountain dew people want to saw his head off.
Even before that, I was witness to his other charitable work. A few years back, Santa Rosa was hit by some terrible fires and he showed up at a few shelters and personally cooked up and served some killer buffet food. No cameras, no massive team of PR, just a dude with an assistant to keep him on schedule to hit up other shelters in the area. Guy Fieri legit earned a lot of respect in my book for that.
You know who DEFINITELY doesn’t deserve hate? Animals. They’re just living their best lives, and need to be left alone.​
The best cats.
Black cats.
We got a black cat for the first time last year. I've since formulated the theory that black cats might get some of their reputation from the fact that people can't see them well in the dark and so they seemingly appear out of nowhere and they might be instinctually cautious because they know people have a tendency to kick them while walking in the dark. Our black cat is the sweetest cat I've ever known.
They get a bad rep.
Discovery Sharks GIF by Shark WeekGiphySharks. They are beautiful, complex creatures, deserving of respect and, like any wild animal should be left alone in their natural habitat, but they get this reputation as vicious bloodthirsty monsters. This is only because every shark attack is news, and only then because they are so rare. More people are killed EVERY DAY by mosquitoes than sharks kill in a year.
Any apex predator that has remained evolutionarily unchanged for hundreds of millions of years, whose existance predates TREES, is deserving or our respect and admiration. Shine on, you crazy cartlaginous fish, shine on.
So cute too!
Opossums. They're neat little critters. They eat tons of ticks that carry Lyme disease, (mostly) don't carry rabies because their body temp is too low, and they're the only marsupial native to North America! They get a bad rap because their first defense is to hiss and bare teeth, but failing that, they just play dead.
If you don't have the predisposition to hate them, you'll find they're pretty cute too.
E: this is about /opossums/, the north American species.
Kiwis, I feel for you, but this comment isn't about your possums.
​Hating on other people for just living their lives also seems to be a big contender for things that don’t deserve to be hated on.
This is so true.
Unemployed people. A lot of people genuinely are looking for work and did not want to lose their last job/it was beyond their control (like a layoff) but they get so much hate and called lazy by most people. I know too many unemployed people that are actually really trying hard. They definitely aren't lazy. (Not saying lazy unemployed people don't exist, but to be fair, so do lazy employed people too lol)
Leave the weather man alone!
Fox Raining GIF by Family GuyGiphyMeteorologists. They try their best to predict the weather based on patterns, models, and data. They're not perfect because predicting the weather is insanely difficult. When they get it wrong, I think we should go easy on them. It was probably an outlier result almost no one could have foreseen.
I've seen people get angry over the meteorologists for getting it right. Like they control the weather - it is their fault we are having rain, that kind of BS. Never made sense to me, but hey, I have plenty of relatives I clashed with growing up.
Please stop being d*cks to these people.
Customer service associates.
I hate when customers think that I, the minimum wage person forced to sit there and listen to them yell, am personally responsible for every policy they disagree with. Like, ma'am, if I had that much power and influence, I wouldn't be sitting here on a Saturday evening serving you.
Wholesome and necessary.
People don't deserve hate they give themselves when they are not doing too good at the moment.
I'm in a weird place and I didn't know I needed to read this. Thanks buddy.
If you haven't heard it from anyone else today, I'm proud of you.
It seems like people hate on things simply because they think they're meant to hate them. But you can always be the change and make an effort to stop being an a**hole about certain things.
No matter what though, sometimes haters gonna hate