Lawyers Explain Which Fictional Villain They'd Have The Easiest Time Defending In Court
Villains in stories are usually the "bad guys," right?
Reddit user, u/AudibleNod, wanted to know about:
Most Villains Are Goofy, If We're Speaking Honestly
A sharp look at most villainous actions in television and film actually reveal someone who's not making evil choices. Rather, they appear to be a giant goofball doing goofball things which usually result in goofball consequences.
Is Targeting Two Kids On Their Summer Vacation Really That Bad?
All of his inventions ultimately only end up stealing or damaging the creations of two kids, so he could probably be let out with a theft charge. Really, he's just a lonely, unloved man trying to be seen in the world. Good thing he has his therapy platypus.
We Are Number One!
I mean, his crimes mostly just... Aren't.
I Mean, He Did Kill All Those People With Exploding Fish...
Your honor, my client who is CLEARLY suffering from schizophrenic delusions and various other mental issues was punched in the face by a billionaire in a rubber gimp suit.
And worse...the Gotham City Police Commissioner ASKED him to do it.
Nothing Can Stop The Juggernaut Except Intense Litigation!
The Juggernaut. He's defending himself the ONLY tools he has against all these mutant monsters with weapons and super powers attacking him! His bare hands. Sometimes, SOMETIMES...you mess around and find out. Not Guilty your Honor!
An Easier Case Than You Might Think
A villain's case might look a little challenging on the surface, but underneath are reasoning and motivations falling on the side of innocent.
"You're honor, yes, my client might have pointed a satellite laser beam at the good people of Metro City, but have we ever asked the reason why he may have allegedly done that?"
So Brilliant, So Rich, Yet So Mad
Def Lex Luthor..... 99% of the time uses henchman who won't talk and he can def pay my exorbitant bills.
To be fair, Lex Luthor is also right. Supes is a danger to the planet. He is a walking nuke and he invites disaster by summoning other walking other walking nukes.
His Last Name Is "Doom" For Crying Out Loud!
Does Dr. Doom need legal defense? As the ruler of his own country, does diplomatic immunity cover all of his actions?
Pretty much, that's how he keeps getting away with things in the comics. He's the legal sovereign leader of a respected modern country, so can't be arrested for fear of provoking a war.
They did try a few times replacing him with someone who has a better legal right to the country, but they always turn out to crazy tyrants (as opposed to Doom who is generally an at least a reasonable dictator) so usually he either wins it back.
Light from Death Note. The guy likes to write names of dead people in a notebook, so what? Morbid hobby but not illegal.
I don't think it's possible to establish a cause-effect nexus between writing a name and people dying. And saying "well, it's magic" will not hold in court.
Bad Parents, Your Honor!
Azula from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Not only is she a child, there's also a case for her being the victim of abandonment, child neglect, emotional abuse, etc. She's also a child soldier, so there's that. Not that I would ever expect her to throw Ozai under the bus, but seriously. She's a 14 year old who suffered a mental breakdown. She also never actually killed anyone.
Look At The Space Evidence, Your Honor.
Kruge from Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
1. He witnessed the Federation test detonate a doomsday device that turned a nebula into a star system and can one shot wipe out an entire planet.
2. He destroyed that information seller's ship to protect the information.
3. He did not order the destruction of the USS Grissom, and executed the gunner for destroying that ship.
4. Kirk was in violation by being at Genesis
5. Kirk stole the Enterprise to reach Genesis and fired upon the Klingon vessel.
6. Kruge did not kill Kirk's son, just gave the order for someone to kill a member of the three on the planet. Kirk's son, however, did attack the Klingons and was killed for his troubles.
Turns Out Some Villains Are Actually In The Right
Just because you're the "hero" in the eyes of the audience, doesn't mean you're actually a good person. Take these people's stories as an example.
Well, If We're Being Honest, Yeah, Sure, We Guess...
The villains in the Purge movie. Crime is literally legal during that night.
First She Loses A Loved One, Then Death?
The Wicked Witch of the West.
She was angry at Dorothy, but then again Dorothy dropped a house on her sister and then grave-robbed the Witch's sister's body (with Glinda's help). The shoes were rightfully the Witch's anyway, presuming she was her sister's only heir and her sister died intestate. All the Witch wanted was for Dorothy to apologize and return the slippers she stole. Everything else that happened was the result of the Witch's reasonable attempts to defend herself and her property against Dorothy's killing, theft, and trespass.
The Beast WAS Kidnapping People, If We're Being Honest
Define "easiest time" defending. If you define it as "I think they have an easy case to win" then probably Gaston since hunting a beast that is a threat to members of your town isn't a crime (remember Beast did lock up Belle's dad and there's no reason to believe that Beast couldn't go evil again during the inevitable divorce).
If you mean "the one I'm going to most enjoy defending" then pick the richest one. It's a criminal client. Write me a check and don't call me every ten damn minutes from the jail and I'm a happy camper.
It Is Just A Huge Cave Of Gold, After All
He had to
have earned squatter's rights be considered an adverse possessor of the property after all that time. And the House of Durin did abandon the property. I think he had a right to defend his home.
While none of these will ever go to trial, it's still a fun thought experiment to imagine The Joker or Smaug the dragon sitting in the seats, in front of their peers, trying to appear innocent.
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Who doesn't enjoy a compliment every now and then?
But have you ever thought you were complimented only to realize you've just been insulted?
For some people those backhanded compliments are unintentional, for some they're very much deliberate and for some people it's actually their love language.
Whatever the purpose, some of these veiled insults are downright clever.
Redditor Ad3quat3 asked:
"What’s an insult that sounds like a compliment?"
"My uncle once said to me 'Nice tattoo, did you do it yourself?'."
"It's on my back."
What do I usually look like?
"You clean up well."
"Wasn't sure if compliment or insult or even how to respond."
Pandemic or party?
"You really look great with this mask!"
Lord, it's hard to be humble.
"You are very modest and have much to be modest about."
"You look well... Fed."
"Did you REALLY do that?"
Stay home next time.
"Thanks for coming!"
"You know, you really didn’t have to.”
"No one could possibly think more highly of you than I do."
"I love how you just don't care how you look."
"I could never do that I'd feel too awkward."
Depends on the person, right?
"I hope your day is as good as you look!"
"I hope you get what you deserve."
"May your day be as sweet as you are."
While some may consider it passive-aggressive, others just find these insults funny and clever.
So what's your favorite complimentary insult?
A good story—whether it's a book, movie, manga or TV show—can really draw us in.
We can get invested in the story to the point we begin to have real feelings about the characters.
That's why having a favorite character die can cause real grief.
Redditor Iridescent126 asked:
"What was the saddest fictional character death for you?"
"Spock, in Wrath of Khan."
"'I have been, and always shall be, your friend'.”
"'Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most... human'."
Stoick the Vast
"Stoick the Vast How to train your dragon"
"Dude literally just reunited with his wife after over 15 years of being gone and spends a total of about 15 minutes with her. Cause of death: basically took a bullet in the chest to protect his son."
"I saw it in theatres and a bunch of kids started to cry. Not like sniffing but out loud wailing. It added to the atmosphere."
"I cried, 20-something y.o. dude just ugly crying"
The Iron Giant
"The Iron Giant will ALWAYS have me ugly crying when he goes up to stop the missle"
Where The Red Fern Grows
"The dogs in 'Where the Red Fern Grows'."
"Came here to say this. This book destroyed me in grade five but also really demonstrated grief in such a profound way."
"Bubba in Forrest Gump. That whole scene had me wrecked."
"From Bubba's weak, 'I wanna go home,' to Forrest's narration saying he died by that river in Vietnam while showing him holding Bubba....."
"God damn, I'm crying just thinking about it."
Saving Private Ryan
"Saving Private Ryan has two of the saddest, most brutally gut wrenching deaths I’ve ever seen on screen in Wade and Mellish."
"Wade trying to talk the guys through his injury that goes from panic and terror to acceptance of his own death as he cries out for his mother and says 'I want to go home'? Jesus Christ."
"Mellish is brutal for all the more uncomfortable and raw reasons you’d imagine. War is horrific. Young men are sent off to die, and their lives are cut short for no reason."
"It’s tragic and heartbreaking, and this is one of the only movies to really nail that feeling"
Ellie From Up
"Ellie from 'UP' gets me everytime"
"Sometimes I wonder how movies ever took off when the first ones were short with no sound."
"Then I remember the time a 10 minute animation with no dialogue absolutely wrecked me. It's a god-damned masterpiece and I hate it."
M*A*S*H Had A Few
"Henry Blake. MAS*H. The scene in the operating room. The actors weren’t told about it, just called back for one last scene shoot and Radar walks in and tells them. The silence is amplified by the sounds of instruments still working. Haunting"
"Piggy backing off this, the guy they tried to keep alive so his kids wouldn't remember Christmas as the day their dad died. That one gets me just thinking about it."
"I just saw that one like a month ago! That was totally heartbreaking. Hawkeye spins the clock forward to twelve o five December twenty sixth and they all conspire to forge his death certificate"
"'He can’t see without his glasses'"
"What made this especially shocking/sad is that the entire movie was a huge bait-and-switch, but in a really effective way."
"At the time, 11-year old me thought -- based on the trailers and the marketing -- that I was about to watch a lighthearted coming-of-age movie."
"And while it does have some of that, boy did it have a macabre edge to it."
"Littlefoot’s mother’s death"
"My son fell in love with this movie when he was 3 or 4, and every time that part would come on I would have to leave the room because no matter what age I am, I will always get emotional. Something about the music and the overall vibe that really just punches me in the gut."
"The music plus the quote 'Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely'. It's so beautiful and tragic."
The sign of a great story is how it can touch our hearts and sometimes break it.
So what was the saddest character death for you?
There is always a way to make money.
We can start to collect coin as early Pre-K.
We just have to be creative.
And who is more creative than a person who thinks they have nothing to lose?
Every school has a black market system.
Things are being sold and traded for that would shock us all.
Redditor AWESOMEKITTY7364 wanted to discuss the school system's biggest entrepeneurs, so they asked:
"What 'black market' did kids at your school run?"
I know a friend who sold pickles laced with vodka in high school.
She made a killing.
MixturesMix Lab GIF by BrownSugarAppGiphy
"Used to crush up warheads and mix them with sugar. Sold them by the straw with the ends melted. .50 a piece."
'you got the goods?'
"I used to deal in whiteboard markers for teachers in high school. One teacher had a tendency to hoard them, leaving none for other teachers. I would take markers from him and provide them to other teachers in need."
"While there was no formal payment, I was given a little bit more leniency at times (e. g. Requests to leave the classroom for a moment etc)."
"Once the marker would start squealing on the whiteboard because it was almost empty, I'd get teachers giving me a nod as if to say 'you got the goods?' I'd then supply them with the marker color of their choosing (usually black)."
"It was actually a lot of fun, and I never heard teachers talk about my systems or chastise me for taking markers."
An Unfair Edge
"I was in elementary school when pogs were big. Everyone had cool slammers and stuff but I didn't have money for good ones. My dad made one out of 1/2' mild steel for me and used an engraving pen to make a simple pattern. Everyone was asking me where I got them from."
"I didn't wanna lose my unfair edge but i also knew i could make money. My dad had a big sheet of this 1/2' steel. I told them I was the only one who could get them. I sold them for 15 bucks a pop. My dad kept 10 I got 5. And thats when I learned what overhead was."
"I went to a private high school with a strict dress code, ties, belt, etc. So I bought a bunch of ties and belts from a thrift store and ran a lucrative rental business out of my locker."
"If you forgot your gym uniform more than once, you would get fined $5 to rent a uniform from the teacher or serve a detention. I would buy an extra set in the beginning of the school year of each size, and then rent them out/wash them myself undercutting the teachers 'fine' at a cost of $3. Very lucrative over my middle and high school years."
Got Pepsi?Fail Diet Coke GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"I used to sell coke (the drink) because they didn't allow fizzy drinks to be brought in."
Everyone loves a good fizz...
Copy-SellKing Yes GIFGiphy
"The only guy in the school who's family had proper TV channels used to tape wrestling events and rent them out."
"I have family in NY and would go visit a couple times a year back in high school. Every once in a while we'd visit Chinatown in NYC and I'd end up buying $100s worth of fake watches (Rolex, Tag, Gucci, etc) return to school and sell them for double than what I paid for them."
"A lot of people still do this. They fly off to China, buy cheap knock-offs and sell them for a huge mark-up wherever they’re from. It’s big business here in the Philippines."
"My school used the metallic ends of pencils as a currency. Bronze was rarest, so it was the most expensive. Green was most common, so it was the least. We traded for erasers or pencil cases or a spot up in the four square line. Eventually got banned but we still operated with people acting as banks to keep the currency hidden and to keep transactions hidden."
"Pokemon cards we would hide under playground equipment and trade them because the teachers would take them if they saw them. So we always set up 'deals' in class and created a whole Pokemon card trading network."
"We did something similar in my school. We also bet cards on matches. That got shut down pretty quick. We didn't see anything wrong with it at the time. Ahhh, those were the days."
Bag FullBlack Friday Christmas GIF by TargetGiphy
"At my school they too all sweets out of the vending machines and replaced them with healthy snacks."
"In the local town there was a sweet shop where you could buy a kilo of mixed sweets for £5, so every week I would go there and buy £1 of small paper bags and spend the Sunday night before school repackaging them all ready for the week ahead."
"Come Monday I would go into school and load my bag up every day selling the bags for 50p."
Kids are shady, yet diligent.
What kind of sneaky operations did your school have? Let us know in the comment below.
Love itself and the search for it can be a total mess.
But no matter how much we thirst for it, we have to be diligent and look out for warning signs that a potential partner isn't a good fit.
Red flags and warning signs are always jumping out in front of us.
Follow your instincts and trust your guy.
If you think there's something off, they probably could be!
Redditor Artistic_Pop_3323 asked:
"On the first date, what were some immediate red flags that made you not go on a second date?"
On a first date years ago the man I met was easily twenty years older.
Found out he used his son's photo. Whacko.
"Dude spent the whole date talking about how he used to sell drugs."
"I had a first date like this, too! Guy admitted when we first met years before, he was selling drugs and was also still in a relationship with a girl while trying to go out with me."
"On our first date, he told me he was in med school, at the University in the town we lived in. I knew immediately there was no med school, but thought perhaps he was taken his pre-med classes or something, so went on a second date. He had spent an hour telling me how when he got done with his military service he had worked as a military contractor doing 'spy' work in Iraq and 'if I only knew the things he’d done!'"
"We stopped by his apartment to pick something up and while there I noticed all his mail was in a different name than he had given me. I 'magically' got a text from my work, told him I had an emergency and had to go immediately into work and handle it."
"After I told him there wouldn’t be a 3rd date, he got spooky angry and I caught him in the bushes outside my apartment, late at night, several times. I eventually had to get a restraining order - in the name he gave me. After that, I never saw him again! Thank God!"
worst date ever...
"She was still married and said she just wanted to know if she’d 'be able to still get dates if they split up'… worst date ever."
"Was hit on by a married woman, not my wife though. We talked for about an hour because I wanted to see what her game was. After telling her that I was married, she got really angry at me. I thought, WTF? Is there some kind of weird double standard going on here? She got really pissed off when I asked her why it was OK that she was married but not OK if I am married."
Need to make an order...
"Few years ago met up with a guy at a bar and like the entire time he would not stop talking about how he couldn’t wait to go to Russia and get a mail-order-bride."
"Maybe he was trying to make you jealous. Like, 'Oh no, I might lose out on this prime life partner opportunity, better make my move posthaste!'"
Twitchereye twitch GIFGiphy
"He was about 10 years older than his pictures, he didn't stop twitching the entire time, and he kept pressuring me to go back to his place. I noped the f**k outta there."
Umm... maybe get through the first course before offering your place?
By the KnifeMad Addams Family GIFGiphy
"She pulled out a switchblade mid conversation to slice up a passing ant."
For My Own Good
"I was planning a first date with this guy years ago and he suggested bowling. I said it was fine, but I've done it once a few years prior and I was legitimately terrible at it. The group I was with at the time made it fun regardless of me being totally uncoordinated."
"He offered to teach me, but I said another time- I just wanted to get to know him in a relaxed environment. He suggested we still bowl, minus the lessons and he could also share in the hilarity of my lack of skill. I was down. The night came and the lessons started almost immediately."
"How to stand, where to stand, everything I'm doing wrong, I'm not taking it seriously, he's trying to teach me 'For my own good.' He became mean. Not one smile except when he saw me at the start. I told him this was not the fun/chill night I said I was looking for and he told me it would be if I took the game more seriously. He was actually angry about the whole night."
"He tried to change my order with the waitress because I didn’t order what he’d recommended."
"Oh my God, I came here to say this exact same thing! He suggested something, but I wasn't feeling it. I ordered, and he grabbed the waitress as she tried to walk away, and said 'No, she'll have [xyz] instead, thanks.' And let her go, and that was that. It didn't even occur to him that she wouldn't listen or that I'd be pissed. Walked right out of the restaurant."
"I once went on a first date with a guy who was clearly not over his ex. He spent the entire time talking about her, comparing me to her, and even showing me pictures of them together. It was a huge red flag for me and made it clear that he wasn't ready for a new relationship. Needless to say, I didn't go on a second date with him."
Slugwrestlemania 22 eating worms GIF by WWEGiphy
"He told me he had worms. Not in a casting, fishing, or terrarium kind of way. Full on internal parasites."
"Hahaha, I once had a date graphically describe the time he had to remove a tapeworm from his own butt.. while I was trying to eat spaghetti at an expensive Italian restaurant."
Oof... this is why I'll never date again. #Singleforlife
Do you have any other singles stories? Let us know in the comments below.