I've literally never lived alone and I am almost 40 years old. In my family, that's not really that strange. There are a lot of us, and we all sort of pool our resources and efforts into our living situations. My grandmother even moved out of her own house to get away from living with my mom and us kids!
Of course it's got advantages - like none of us will ever go hungry and it may not be the most comfortable or private, but we will always have a place to land when life gets weird.
But it also leaves me with some questions - like what it's like to actually live alone. I've never been alone in a place more than a week at a time, and that was when my college roommate would go away for holidays.
Reddit user ThatGuyWitAShortName asked:
What is a highly underrated advantage of living alone?
... and yeah, maybe there's something to this living alone thing - because a lot of this sounds magical.
The Same Place
Everything's in the same spot when you leave for work and get back home. Same thing with food - there's nobody there to eat your leftovers in the fridge. Not to mention walking around naked when you get out of the shower.
No Bathroom Sharing
GiphyNot having to worry about someone else being in a space when you want to use it.
- Teaology
This!!! Currently sharing one bathroom with five people. It's torture.
Lived in a place like that but I was like 6-7 people with partners included. In the mornings there would be an actual line so I had to just pee in the backyard, luckily I had that option though I felt bad for the girls living there.
No Interruptions
No one to interrupt you from doing the things you want even if that is reading a book for 12 hours, binge watching a show, whatever the case may be.
- Volcorgi
Freedom
The freedom of decorating.
It seems so silly but after sharing a room with my older sister for over 18 years, being able to buy and design the furniture in a way I want is fantastic.
3AM Pancakes
I can do whatever I want.
Wake up at 3 AM and can't go back to sleep? F--- it, I'll get some work done. Maybe I'll clean the kitchen. Maybe I'll make pancakes. Who cares, it's just me.
I refuse to live any other way. I understand the concept of having a long term, live in mate. I get the security.
But I want 3:00 AM pancakes, and I don't want to apologize for wanting them.
50/50 Chance
No explaining to your guests why the place is a mess, either. I hated bringing girls over when I had roommates, 50/50 chance the place would either be reasonably clean, or a complete disaster when they didn't want to help clean up.
- pmw1981
Bad Habit
GiphyIt's a lot easier to change bad habits on a whim.
Oh, yeah. Lost 60 pounds when my husband went on his first deployment. Saw a nutrition specialist, was spending all of my spare time at the gym, was spending less than a third of what I had been on groceries. The whole works. Eat nothing but lean meats and vegetables, with the occasional treat after donating platelets? Not a problem.
My husband was thrilled when he got back. He then ordered a pizza, got cranky when I was gone while he was home, etc. It took less than a week for all the bad habits to come back.
I think this is an underrated comment. When I lived with my family, if I started doing push-ups or eating celery, I would almost certainly get comments. Even if it's positive comments, I really just want to be able to try things out without being judged one way or another.
Space
Space! I love alone time so much now.
Visiting family and they get overbearing? Leave.
Rough day at work? Solitude.
Need a nap? Nap.
This List
As someone whose husband leaves frequently for a year at a time I can answer this!
- Everything is where I left it when I come home, nobody here to move my things
- I can watch whatever I want on tv, without worrying its too girly or "you're watching Downton Abbey AGAIN?"
- I can cook whatever I want for dinner, yes even those dishes my husband hates and refuses to eat. I can have em two nights in a row!
- The bed all to myself. Guess what? I'm sleeping in the middle!
- The toilet stays cleaner way longer.
- It's 8:45 and I want to go to bed? Now I can! No longer have to wait for the "going to bed before 9:00pm makes you a loser" rule.
Let's just say, I've learned to look on the bright side of the lengthy separations.
In The Moment
Never waiting for anyone - to get out of the way, to vacate the bathroom, to run an appliance, to start a video...everything happens at the right time. You are always living in the moment.
- frshtrx
Getting To Know You
I haven't seen this yet. Actually getting to know yourself. You figure out what you like, how you want things, how clean you actually are, etc. It's a wonderful, eye opening experience everyone should do. People talk about living with an SO before marriage, I think living by yourself is more important.
Pros And Cons
cracks knuckles
As a person who has lived alone for the past 6 or so years. Let me elaborate the pros one cons.
Pro:
Radical freedom - do what you want when you want.
Little interruption - indulge in your hobbies all day if you like.
Privacy - oh God yes I love the privacy.
Eccentricities - do you like doing your ironing at 2am naked in front of the t.v? Go for it! Nobody will judge you because nobody will know.
Being loud - crank up the volume all you like.
Cons:
Your bad habits are exacerbated - nobody to hold you accountable means your bad habits will get worse.
Breakdown of social norms - if your toilet and bathroom are separate, the shower may wind up being your go-to urinal. When living alone your lizard brain takes over and you stop thinking about these things.
Loneliness - oh God the loneliness. It can be absolutely crushing.
Holding yourself to account - if you miss your alarm and show up 2 hours late for work, you have nobody to blame but yourself, and nobody will do you the favor of waking you up.
Getting comfortable in your own mess - it builds up over time and when someone comes to visit you're hit with the full shame hammer of your living situation.
No Problem
Zero accountability. Heading out to the beach and decide you want to stay or make a detour. No problem. Coming home at midnight instead of 6pm. No problem. Waking up an hour late. No problem.
- 2k_Argo
Schedule
Having your own schedule and not having to answer to anyone.
If you want to make a fancy meal at 2am? You go for it!
If you want to order a pizza at 10am while you watch the Office for the millionth time? You do it!
I miss living alone.
Running Water
GiphyLate night showers.
I lived alone for a long time before getting into my first roommate situation. I immediately realized how loud a running shower is and was just uncomfortable being that noisey while someone is sleeping when I get home late.
Negative Association
Cleaning is never a negative association anymore, you don't clean because someone is nagging at you, you take care of your home and keep it clean because you know how good and accomplished you'll feel when your done. It becomes kind of fun because you have complete freedom over this space that is now yours and you can move anything anywhere and the responsibly that comes with that feels awesome.
Grab & Go
Being able to leave the house without waiting for other people to get ready. I can just grab my keys and go!
All Mine
The ability to make where you are living yours! With roommates it was usually my room or their room and just shared areas - and most of the time it was spent hiding in whoever's room with the odd bit of interaction. But when I finally could get a place that was my own, I was free to do and use rooms based on function and spread out everything vs cramming all my stuff into a single bedroom.
Weird Vocals
Because I'm a singer, doing super loud weird vocal exercises home alone saves the embarrassment of someone hearing you do vocal frys and belting.
A Time Saver
Scheduling. Just the idea of having to wait 20 minutes to use a shower, or having to come back when someone isn't using the stove. Living with people is ridiculously inefficient some times and you can easily lose an hour or two in a day just waiting a few minutes or 20 minutes sitting on your phone while while even just waiting to go pee. It's kinda crazy how much it can add up. It's like going to a theme park with no lines.
Unexpected Guests
I don't have to entertain unexpected guests. The main reason I won't move in n with any of my friends is because I know they would have people all the time and it would be really exhausting.
Flu Season
GiphyThe bathroom is always free.
No food disappearing from the fridge unless you eat it.
You skip most flu seasons, because it has to be you who brings the virus home.
God And Satan
Nobody will never know how psychotic, perverted and f**ked up you are.
Joker make-up in front of your mirror? You're welcome.
Wearing a female dress when you're a guy? You're welcome.
Awkwardly singing like a freaking opera female singer? You're welcome.
You wanna take some LSD for a 8 hour trip? You're welcome.
You wanna paint a maniac evil f**ked pics on your walls? Nobody will tell you a thing.
Living alone is like to be God and Satan at the same time.
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"It wasn't."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate
catholic the exorcist GIFGiphyRetracing Steps...
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia
exercise push up GIFGiphyBad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist
uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphyAt Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100
Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphyNot The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343
dating app GIFGiphyIf anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.
Who doesn't love a first date?
The anticipation. The hopes and dreams. The romance.
Even those first-date butterflies are fun.
You're hoping this could be the one.
Or maybe this will just be a lot of fun.
Then you sit down with one another and they open their mouth and BOOM... dating disaster.
Life is ruined. Or maybe you were saved.
Redditor MiloMilkOnDrugs wanted to hear about the conversations that can ruin a romantic time, so they asked:
"What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?"
Having worked as a waiter as long as I did, I can't tell the things I've overheard without fainting.
I'll just say... sometimes it's okay to stay single.
Promises
Players Association Sport GIF by NBPAGiphy“'I need you to promise not to tell my wife.'"
FriendNegative6013
Honk Off
"My cousin (F) went on a first date where in the middle of the conversation, her date reached over and squeezed her breast and said 'Honk.'"
"She said 'What on earth do you think you're doing?'"
He said 'I've had quite a lot of success with that move.'"
"There was no second date. My cousin was the girl. I realized from a comment it was ambiguous."
blu3teeth
Circa 2005
"My mother was freshly divorced and we signed her up on a dating website (circa 2005) Helped her take pictures etc..."
"She met this guy online real smart, seems to have his sh*t together, independent, etc..."
"They set a date at a local restaurant they park side by side."
"The moment she greets him he says: WOW I love those big boobs I can't wait to taste them!"
"She 180° stepped back in her Mazda 3 and f**ked the right off this parking lot lol."
mageakeem
Safety First
"Does anyone know you're here?"
Baby-hazell
"It's a safety thing. Sometimes, people let others know where they'll be before meeting a stranger for a date. However for him to ask can be seen as a little creepy like he would be planning to do something to them and would need to know that info so he can figure out how long she'll be gone before the police are called. If that makes sense."
Hachiko75
Previously...
canadian what GIF by CBCGiphy"I was on a date once, the woman apologized before looking a bit rough because she had just had sex before coming."
REDDIT
What happened to putting your best foot forward?
My goodness, it's not that hard to at least run a brush through your hair.
Mirror Mirror
"'My ex looks way better than you.'"
Academic_Ingenuity84
"What a coincidence. My ex looks way better than you."
"Maybe they can get together and leave us ugly fools to mope about it together."
LurkerOrHydralisk
Oh Baby
"After pulling her chair out for her, you pet her head then rub her belly saying 'I’m gonna put a baby in here.'"
BuffaloInCahoots
"Ha, can you imagine, being a proper gentleman and then ending with a head pat and belly rub?"
phillmybuttons
"I once had a guy tell me on the first date he wanted to have at least six children. I heard later from his sister he married a woman who was already pregnant with someone else's kid, and he had her pregnant again within the year."
ashoka_akira
Family Dynamics
"'You remind me of my mom.' Bonus points if there is this weird attraction component to it."
Kiunan5
"My partner went on a date with a young woman shortly before we met, he said she repeatedly compared him to her father ('my dad drinks scotch', 'my dad is also bald,' etc). He said no amount of attraction could save the date after that."
Digital_Punk
"Oh God, I'm guilty of this one. It wasn't a date. but I told that to a woman I tried bedding later on. Honestly, she didn't look like my mom i was just shooting my shots at trying to keep her around."
Bobtheguardian22
Be Serious
Shouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"I went to a nice French bistro in the Bay Area, there was a table right behind me and the friend dining. The guy literally said to the girl 'I am the alpha of this relationship.' (in a serious manner). Me and buddy sort of looked at each other while the girl literally burst out laughing, grabbed her bag, and then walked out of the restaurant."
295DVRKSS
It feels like some men have no one to bounce conversation ideas off of.
Or do they really believe what they say?
When we're young and naive, we tend to be optimistic as we have our whole lives ahead of us and we have to time to figure out who we are and who we want to be.
But when we're all grown up and out in the big world on our own, nothing can prepare us for the harsh realities of adulting until we experience them.
And unfortunately, life isn't always sunshine and roses the way we imagined it to be when we were much more innocent.
Curious to hear about life's many wake up calls Redditor Just_Surround_2108 asked:
"What is the adult version of finding out that Santa Claus doesn't exist?"
Life's deceptions begin slowly revealing themselves.
Caveat Emptor
"When you buy an 8-piece tupperware set, 4 of the pieces are lids."
– throwmeawaypoopy
"Same with pots and pans. What a rip off!"
– MrsMalvora
"And when you put them in the cabinet, suddenly SIX of the pieces are lids 😂"
– opheliainwaders
Value Of Friendships
"That some friends were never really your friend."
– Kangaroowrangler_02
"Also that friendships can end just like any relationship."
– ScienceUnicorn
"The best friend I'll ever have said some nasty things to me and blocked me recently. Never going to get much closure on that front."
"Not having closure is, with both friends and lovers, worse than the loss itself. I want to grow. Tell me what I need to become so this doesn't happen to me again!"
– VoxClarus
"On a related note: your co-workers are not your friends."
– tomdelfino
"I think most people seem to treat this as the default stance, but I’ve learnt you can actually make deep connections amongst coworkers, the same way you do in other stages of your life."
– immorjoe
The role of parent and child unexpectedly switches. So now what?
Who's Parenting Who
"That time period when your relationship switches and your parent looks to you for answers and advice, instead them being the one with all the answers."
– Smile_Terrible
"Not sure about that one. Dad simultaneously says I’m the smartest person he knows and I don’t know how to do anything lol."
– Puzzleheaded-Job6147
About Grieving
"When both your parents die. I am in my mid 50’s and had my mom pass on Mother’s Day ‘22. My Dad then was living with us from then, and eventually reached in-home hospice status with a sudden stage IV cancer diagnosis. He died in January of this year, and then I got laid off from my tech job and was unemployed for 10 months. Nothing takes the wonderment and positive outlook from the world than having to empty out your childhood home solo and throw everything you grew up with into a big dumpster and are left to wonder what our lives really mean."
– i_spock
Leaving Behind The House You Grew Up In
"I’m in the process of dismantling my childhood home right now. I’ve compared it to dismembering the dead body of a loved one. It’s really rough."
– HaloTightens
"my mum sold my childhood home a decade ago. i won't have to go through that."
– deathschemist
We all want to grow up when we're young. But as soon as reach reach 30, we want to slam on the breaks.
Aimlessness
"I thought I'd grow up, move out, find my footing in the grown up world and basically switch into cruise mode. Now I'm in my 40s and sh*t is confusing as f'k."
– Borsti17
"As adults, nobody knows what they're doing, we're just pretending we do."
– BeautifulMidnight-
Misconception Behind Work Integrity
"Being a hard worker and good at your job doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be rewarded for it."
– DorianOrosco
And the laziest person at work is allowed to be lazy, but the hardest worker isn’t allowed a break."
– Puzzleheaded-Job6147
We Are Our Parents
"Finding out that your parents are people, too, with weaknesses or flaws that you were blind to when you were young."
– tamammothchuk
"And the day you suddenly notice how old they are. When their mortality finally hits you."
– daggerxdarling
Living On Borrowed Time
"Yep had that day earlier this month. Was visiting for dad's 75th birthday."
"As I was leaving, out in the sunshine and fixing to get in the truck, I suddenly saw how small and frail-looking they are now. Mom hit me the hardest. She's started to shrink. They are both healthy, but Dad's just . . . worn."
"Been also doing the math lately. The math where you count up how many times you see them a year and then multiply that by how many years they have left according to the average."
"I've had enough crap and surprise losses in my life that I've long since started parting with family and friends like it might be the last time I get to see them. But that times left to see them calculation really clobbers me with my folks, and it's not even that bad yet for me. Given the ages of my grandparents when they passed I've probably still got somewhere between 150-200 visits."
"But the meter is running."
– Boudyro
I'm at the point where I'm realizing there are no handbooks on life and taking care of our parents.
When you're so used to having them there and taking care of you your whole life, nothing can prepare you for the time when that role reversal happens.
As tough as that may be, however, there's nothing more beautiful in life than returning the favor for the people who loved you unconditionally and raised you.