Love is rough y'all. That is a truth we need to own up to. In fact that is ALL the truth we need. Hear it. Embrace it. And use it. Love is not a fairytale... and that's ok. The movies and books lie to us. Now music has always been a pretty solid barometer; Adele, Beyonce and Taylor have always let us know what is what when it comes to amour. Love takes work and we need to adjust to that, But so many people don't want to hear about it.
Redditor u/AsontiRelay wanted everyone to get ready to swallow some hard truths about matters of the heart... take a deep breath... it was asked... What's are some 'hard to swallow pills' about relationships?If you're looking for success in love, not listening is not an option. So grab a glass of water or vodka and get ready for some big swallows. Two people or three or more committing and living in a relationship is a recipe for disaster, so it's all about averting the iceberg. And as long as you're willing you can navigate.
Speak Up
Putting off ending things for fear of hurting someones feelings is the worst possible idea.
If the relationship isn't right and you know you don't want to be together then sparing someone's feelings in the short term only leads to more pain later down the line. Be honest and front the horrible conversation.
Value
Not everyone will value your relationship like you do. It's VERY important to make sure you both have the same expectations and values; otherwise like two unequally yoked animals, you will continue to walk in circles over the same ground.
Keep the Circle...
Keeping your friends and hobbies is also good for the health of the relationship, not just in case it fails. It puts less pressure on the relationship to entertain and keep you happy, gives you space, a broader focus and interesting things to talk about. It also helps you be you, who is the person your partner fell for in the first place!
I see Me...
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Losing your identity within a relationship is easy to do. Finding it again isn't. Remember to keep your friends and hobbies.
After my last relationship ended I felt guilty for not hurting. I was kind of happy, back in my garage, working on cars with my friends, took a few road trips, my phone was quiet. Crap was cool.
People Share The 'Dirty Secrets' That Their Bosses Don't Want Customers To Know
There's a lot businesses hope their customers believe, and there are many business practices you wouldn't dare believe. These are some of the secrets Reddit ...After Her...
I just got dumped by my ex. I couldn't do anything I liked. I couldn't watch the newest pixar or disney movie, play video games or even watch sports. We had to do what she wanted and it got to a point where I was always upset and direct with her and she would never care enough. I also wasn't allowed to talk to my female best friend because we are both nerdy and discussed nerdy things.
It bothered my ex to death that I never talked about nerd passions to her but any time I tried she told me that she didn't care. If it wasn't about her or something we shared in common then she never made an effort to talk to me about it.
See there? That is all a ton of solid advice. As someone who has been single for a decade, I wish I had had a thread like this to read, or I could've listened to my therapists more intently. Oh well, time has passed. In my last entanglement I remember thinking... "But he's just suppose to know all this already. It's Love." Yeah, that didn't work so great. Allow some elaboration.
50!
At a certain point, you have to accept some particular negative parts of your partners personality or move on.
My husband is almost 50. We've been married for over 20 years. While he will continue to experience personal growth, there are parts of his personality that are likely to not ever change. The same is true for myself, of course.
Ups & Downs
The ebb and flow of it all.
As a teen you chase the butterflies high of relationships. As an adult you have to learn that as your hormones settle, you need settle too and not constantly be seeking the highs and creating conflict to achieve them. Even though the highs are addicting. You need to learn to be good with the chill times.. The comfort. The ease. Don't lose the butterflies completely, of course.. But don't create them with negative behavior.
Create them by pulling your partner in for a long passionate kiss instead of the normal goodbye or hello peck. Or by planning a date or a fun new activity to experience together. Keep each other on your toes in a good way. But be ok when things are just as so.
Stay Sane...
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Eventually love is not being "crazy in love" all the time.
People not realizing this is a huge cause for divorce I believe. After the first year or two, things settle down and become normal. That's okay. A deeper love will form, but it's not going to be the crazy passionate puppy dog love it was at first. Things evolve and change.
You Knew Boo!
My husband and I have a saying "You knew what you were getting into." When one of us starts getting annoyed with something that is just a fundamental part of who we are our response is always "You knew what you were getting into." Again, we are always trying to grow, but when my husband gets mad that I am not good at cleaning/housekeeping or I get annoyed that he goes overboard with planning for the future we can remind each other that this is who we always have been.
It's a Drama not a Comedy...
Once you get beyond the initial lust/heart-fluttery part of a romantic relationship, you begin to realize that love looks a lot different than the rom-com movies. It's not embracing in the pouring rain, kissing under the Eiffel Tower, trying to board the plane to convince them not to go.
It's handing them a box of Cheez-its when they get home from a 12 hour shift and are too exhausted to move. It's driving them to the airport at 3 a.m. for their dream job interview. It's managing their prescriptions when they get too sick to do it themselves.
Relationships are often unglamorous and while a committed relationship can be very rewarding, there's more to it than you and your hot partner canoodling and going on trips for the rest of your lives. Relationships can take a lot of work, some of it that you will never see coming in the early days.
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beyond fantasy...
When you decide to commit to your person, you are sacrificing your fantasy of being with them.
In the crushing or beginning stages of a relationship, we are idealizing them as more perfect than they are. But we all have our faults, and in choosing to be together we are met with reality vs. fantasy.
(From The Fundamentalists podcast titled Engagement).
"magical moments"
A lot of it is boring. The "magical moments" and massive "I love you so much posts" on social media are like 2% of the time. A majority of a relationship is just everyday living. Your idea of a perfect relationship is the small sliver of it that tv, movies, and social media have led you to believe. You gotta look forward to sitting on the couch in sweatpants after eating so much stir fry you're both farting non stop.
Love isn't All
Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them. A relationship needs more than love.
A person I know really needs to hear this. They insisted too much on being in something with me when I told them that it wasn't going to work (we wanted opposite types of relationships) that in the end it all ended pretty bad. Some people just think that love is going to make things magically work, without even considering that sometimes people that love each other are just incompatible to be together.
Be Nice
Your partner should be kind to you and vice versa. It's not okay for your partner to scream at you or curse you out or deliberately hurt your feelings. This isn't to say that it never ever happens, we all are human and occasionally we mess up. But if they are not consistently kind to you, if they aren't sorry when they are mean, and if they repeat it then that's a problem.
If you wouldn't accept the behavior from a friend then you absolutely should not accept it from a partner. The idea that it's normal for your partner to be mean to you is so freaking bad and I've seen way too many people accept crappy relationships because they think love means never having to say sorry and that getting screamed at is acceptable.
Too Much Mess
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"Fixer-upper," relationships often lead to disaster.
Also having children to fix your relationship: terrible idea. Just don't. Human up and fix your issues, don't drag a bandaid baby into it.
Halves...
You can't look for someone else to be your "other half", you have to learn how to be a whole person on your own. This means being able to take care of your own emotional needs, too.
Underrated comment here. You can't be responsible for someone else's happiness. My wife and I enhance each other's joy.
Example. She loves going to concerts and often my schedule means I can't go or occasionally the tickets are expensive and it's someone I'm not a big fan of so she goes without me. But if I can I go and if the tickets are cheap even if I'm not a fan I go. She likes it when I'm there and says it's better but she still has fun without me.
In a good relationship you help lessen the bad and increase the good.
Karma is Coming
They aren't going to magically know you're upset with them. They aren't going to read your passive-aggressive signs. They aren't going to pick up on that.
Be direct. If you are upset, talk to your partner about it. Not your friends. Not you parents. Not strangers on the internet - your partner.
edit : wtf this legit doubled my karma??? thank you all so much.
Watch Scrubs
Not all arguments are worth having.
Yes, communication is extremely important and key to a healthy relationship... but so is triaging the things you nit-pick.
People online will try to make you believe that every little thing needs to be addressed and, if you don't want to address it, you're living a lie... but those people are either 1) in a complete fantasy relationship, or 2) have never been in a meaningful one.
I usually refer to the Scrubs episode with Mandy Moore we an example for people struggling with this concept.
Give and Take
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It takes two to be in a relationship. If one person is putting in all the effort and the other isn't, it's eventually all going to fall apart when the one who is giving the effort stops. Great relationships are mutual.
Signs
"When you look at someone with rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
It's easy to dismiss toxic characteristics because of love. Sometimes you won't get that clarity until you're a safe distance away.
Yuuup. It took me leaving the relationship and a doubling/tripling down of the behavior on his part while he was in the process of collecting his things after moving out for me to realise my most recent ex was emotionally abusive. And the more I move on and examine my memories and the trauma, the more obvious the patterns are that were there all along.
Love is beautiful, but it's also another full time job. Nobody tells you that so allow me to. It's worth it though. With the right person.
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.