Guy Wants To Cancel His Wedding In Two Weeks, And The Internet Chimes In
"What do I do?"
Getting married can be one of the great stresses of your life. Pressure and anxiety can fester over every little thing, coupled alongside the universally crippling fact you're about to be attached to one person for the rest of your life, can be too much for people. In those times, it's important to remember a wedding is merely one day and what you're planning on doing is committing to one person who you hopefully love enough to spend the rest of your life together.
Sometimes that's not enough, as demonstrated by this young man's story, who posted on Reddit looking for advice.
Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] dating for 2 years, how can i tell her, i want to cancel our marriage
Hello, I'm getting married in exactly 2 weeks. A month ago, I was 100% sure I want the marriage but a week ago I started to get worried about the marriage.
Basically I know, nothing will change after the marriage because it's just a piece of paper, but somehow I'm still scared. I talked with her like 2 times already, told her my thoughts and that I'm not ready yet. She said "Ok, if you're not ready, you shouldn't marry me" but after an hour it suddenly changed my mind and i told her "I'm ready, its just a big step. I guess im just nervous". Both times it ended like that and on the next day, my mind cant think of anything else, on how scared i am.
I guess the mindchange happens because I don't really want to hurt her. I want to stay together with her, we are also living together since 1.5 years but i don´t think I'm ready yet.
Does anyone here was in the same situation? How did you started the conversation and how did it all end? What would you recommend me? Just talking to directly again? I feel awul for "changing" my mind every 3 days.
TL;DR : Unsure if i should cancel my marriage in 2 weeks even when sure, how.
Have You Given It Serious Thought?
It is absolutely not just a piece of paper and the fact that you think that shows just how wildly, thoroughly unprepared you are to do it. I want to inform you, yes, inform, that you are making a gigantic mistake routed in immaturity. You havent even been together two years! You really think nothing is going to change between you after marriage and for literally the rest of both of your lives? That's a scream.
It's Best To Not Drag It Out
My STBX husband wasn't ready. And I sort of worried that he wasn't ready. From the time he proposed to the day before the wedding, I assured him more than once that if he wanted to take more time, or even not get married at all, I was ok with it. For my part, I loved him (and still do) and never doubted it for a second.
He dragged it out for 4 years before finally admitting that marriage wasn't "his thing". He quite literally ruined my life because of his indecisiveness and I would rather have been his girlfriend forever than his wife for a minute.
Don't do to her what he did to me. If you love her at all, don't drag her into a legal and emotional mess because you are afraid.
the marriage. Basically i know, nothing will change after the marriage because its just a piece of paper, but somehow im still scared.
Wtf are you serious? It's not just a piece of paper. Do you even know what it is? It's a legal document basically merging two people to one. This means you share everything. Any debts? You share. You get divorced, your a-- gets to pay alimony. Any assests you have, half gone. Yeah a piece of paper. Clearly you are not ready cause you think it's just a piece of paper. This paper is a business contract and one of the most important ones, if not the most important one.
All It Takes Sometimes Is A Little More Time
If you aren't ready don't get married. Postpone it or cancel it. Bring it up sooner rather than later too. Just tell her you think you need more time before you get married, don't beat around the bush. You've already talked about it to her, she seemed to understand.
Not going to lie, 2 weeks before my wedding I wasn't scared, I just wanted it done and over with. But everyone is different.
[Update] Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] dating for 2 years, how can i tell her, i want to cancel our marriage?
After some serious thinking and mental breakdowns, i came to the conclusion "I cant marry her". So last Saturday I told my girlfriend I'm not ready yet. She was really angry and sad, it was obvious understandable.
I also felt guilty but after the conversation I felt free. It was probably the hardest conversation in my life but I feel so much better right now.
Even tho things are still difficult between us, her parents hate me and we are overthinking our relationship and thinking about a breakup everything is just better.
Someone said "If your relationship can't handle a wedding postpone, your relationship won't handle a marriage" and i think he's absolutely right. If she leaves me now, I'm 100% sure it was the right choice. Also someone gave me the question :
"If it came down to a choice between getting married and breaking up -- do you have a clear preference for one or the other?"
And yes, my preference was clearly breaking up. I never thought about that way.
I even realized our relationship has a lot of problems and I'm thinking of breaking up as well. Maybe starting to focus more on myself, but I will decide that in a week or so, depends on how things will go between us from now on.
Also I realized that I'm lacking friends and social contact. I have some friends but in the past 2 years I did nothing else than doing stuff with my girlfriend. Basically we were together 24/7 except work. I neglected my friends and yesterday i met some friends and it felt great. I honestly start doing more with my friends and trying to find new friends SOMEHOW
Thanks for reading.
TL;DR : I was unsure about my wedding, but in the end i cancelled it and it was the hardest choice and the hardest conversation in my life. Everything was paid but in the end it was worth it. The relationship might be falling apart now, but i rather breaking up than paying a divorce in a year or so.
Pay Attention To Your Own Feelings
That's great news!
Someone said "If you relationship cant handle a wedding postpone, your relationship wont handle a marriage" and i think hes absolutly right. If she leaves me now, im 100% sure it was the right choice.
The fact that you were so hesitant, the fact that you would prefer breaking-up than marrying her, and the fact that you feel so relieved are all the confirmation you need that you made the right choice. Tons of relationships don't survive going back on that kind of commitment, if she choses to leave you now, it says nothing about her.
One End Leads To A New Beginning
I was really bitter at 21 because a guy i had been dating for 6 years all of a sudden told me he didnt want to marry me anymore....
5 years later I have met my person and we are happy and getting married. I am a much more whole person, and the best thing that guy ever did for me was set me free so that I can experience all that I did.
Said all that to say..OP if you hade [sic] any concerns you did the right thing. And if you all decide to split as painful as it is, and as much as she will say/feel she hates you. In time it all makes sense. Good luck.
Being An "Adult" Means Making The Tough Call
"If it came down to a choice between getting married and breaking up -- do you have a clear preference for one or the other?"
And yes, my preference was clearly breaking up. I never thought about that way.
Then stop putting the responsibility on her to do so. Grow up and break up with her because you clearly aren't satisfied with this relationship.
Which is totally fine, but you need to do some adulting here and break up with the girl instead of stringing her along with maybe-someday-getting-married when what you really mean is it's over. You're trying to put the pressure on her to leave you now, because you want a break-up, and that's pretty sh-tty.
No One Is The Same At 25 As They Were At 22
Someone put it very aptly to me during my divorce, and I'd like to pass on the wisdom. No one is the same person at 25 that they were at 22. Getting married that young is a gamble.
You could be the most head over heels in love couple in the world, but if you haven't yet fully worked through who you are, you have no right to tie another person's life to yours. Breakup or not, calling off the wedding is the best thing for both of you.
Even in our progressive society, there are still far too many people with antiquated, mostly ludicrous, opinions of what it is to be a woman.
These are primarily from men in powerful positions.
However, some women also tend to look down on those who believe they are giving their gender a bad name.
This ignorant behavior is most commonly known as "toxic femininity".
"What are examples of toxic femininity?"
Caring About Your Image More Than Other People
"Girls who only support other girls when it’s convenient for their image."- flowerchild_3
Worry About Your Own Children, Not Other Moms
"Moms bullying other moms."- LollipopDreamscape
Men Are Parents Too...
"Dad of a 5 year old girl here."
"When my daughter was a couple of months old my wife discovered a nearby play group and was planning on taking her there for a session."
"I decided to take her myself as it landed on one of my days off and I wanted to spend some real time with my little girl and my wife deserved a break."
"The play group is taking place in a large community hall and there's quite a few people there with kids ranging from newborns to around 4 or 5."
"However I quickly noticed that out of about 30ish parents I'm the only man there and everyone stares at me."
"I think nothing of it and proceed to the soft play section for the babies to play with my daughter."
"Not 10 minutes pass however and I notice mums and even nans pretending not to stare at me and talk under their breath."
"At first I thought I was being paranoid because I was nervous being the only dude there but then I noticed it was several groups doing it.'
'I then overheard one of the mums in the baby section with us say to her friend/sister/who cares that I must be dodgy or on the offenders register."
"All because I happened to be the only dad there.'
"I picked my daughter up, told the women where she could stuff her opinions and promptly left."
'I told my wife what had happened and then she went back by herself and had a somewhat heated exchange with the organisers."
"Sometimes I think I married a dragon because she returned with a face so red with rage you'd think she just breathed fire."
"Play group mums can be sexist as hell."- LostMercenary99
Never Pass Judgement Without Knowing The Details
"Mothers shaming C-Section moms saying they didn’t give birth because the child was surgically removed."- Sufficient-Voice-210
"My wife could not produce enough milk for our children."
"When our first was born she tried and tried."
"I woke up in the middle of the night to her crying."
"She felt like she was a horrible mom to even bring up formula."
"There is so much pressure on moms, and it is incredibly stupid."
"Our kids are very well adjusted and were on formula the entire time.'
"I tell anyone who is expecting their first that the only 'right' way is the 'right way for that child'.”
"Damn everyone else’s opinions; do what is best for your family; not the mommy bloggers."
"My oldest is 10 years old and my wife is at peace with it; she worked through her guilt, which I totally agree she should not have any guilt: she is an excellent mother."
"The statistics on breastfed vs. bottle fed have other correlations which I don’t want to take the time to defend, anyone can read the studies, but adding other factors like home life and atomic households, the delta between the two are not as big as the breastfeeding fanatics point out."
"Lastly, anecdotally and take this as a a claim from a dad.'
"My kids are healthy and hyper-intelligent."
"My oldest has been consistently tested through school as top 2% composite intelligence, and she is thriving in advanced classes."
"I say this because there are people who say that IQ is impacted by breastfeeding."
"It just isn’t true, my children thrive, they are healthy and they know they are loved."- Lokitusaborg
If You Can't Take The Heat...
"Being verbally abusive and then playing victim the second the other person argues back or raises their voice."- No-Bumblebee4615
A "Real Woman" Would Probably Never Say This...
"Pulling the 'if you're a real man' card whenever they need something."- Reddit
Not Everyone Is Meant To Be A Parent
"Mothers telling women without kids that their life is meaningless and they can’t understand true love."- DontShowMomMemes
No Man Is Worth The Trouble
"Women who throw other women under the bus for a man, or the attention of a man etc."- KekeSmall
Happily Ever After Has Many Different Meanings
"That single women should be sad."- hallelujasuzanne
Being Self-Serving Ultimately Serves No One
"Women that only want traditional values when it benefits them."- SnooCakes653
Just because someone, no matter their gender, lives their life differently than you do doesn't mean they are deserving of your judgment.
Especially if they are happy with the life they are living, and aren't bringing harm to anyone else.
Anyone believing others aren't fitting their expectations of what it is to be a "real woman" or a "real man" might want to stop and re-examine their standards.
No matter how old we get, we still find ourselves keeping up with the latest trends.
Binging the show everyone's talking about, downloading the newest app, and partaking in the latest social media craze, all in an effort to appear cool to our friends and colleagues.
Of course, not all of these trends are "cool" to us.
In fact, sometimes we grudgingly partake in these trends, no matter how idiotic they seem to us.
While others have no concerns about being cool, and won't even think about joining in with everyone else, choosing instead to gleefully look down on them.
"What's something extremely popular but you just can't give a f*ck about it?"
What Exactly Are They Trying To Influence?
"They have a different vibe than I have/aspire to have, different ways of expressing themselves, different values, different beauty standards, etc."- smieklinsh
'My personal opinion."
"If you like them, cool."
'No harm done."- queen_tabby
"Isn't aren’t part of my life, so why should I take time from my life to think about the crap they’re doing?"- attention21Elon Musk Reaction GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
Isn't It Good News Either Way?
"Gender reveal parties."- Back2Bach
Just Another Distraction
"TikTok never got into it."- thneakythnake660
How Many Strangers Are Looking At Your Pictures?
"Followers on social media."- Single_Goat3138Pop Tv GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy
"Figure" Heads being the operative word
"The Royal Family."- Natasha_JB
Comfort Over Quality
"Like, I’ll indulge and buy a pair I think are really cool."
"But other than that, why tf would you spend $2000+ on a pair of shoes that actually cost less than $10."- eggtada
All Of Them!
"The Kardashians."- BeeImpressive7749Kim Kardashian GIF by E!Giphy
Fame Is Seldom The Same As Qualified
"I’d say entertainers who are so wealthy and think they are the voices of normal people."-mayoinstrumentalz
Or Anything Else About Him?
"Ye's Opinion."- SlimePrice
Just How Real Was It?
"Reality TV."- brycebrycehayeshayesPhaedra Parks Reality Tv GIF by Real housewives of AtlantaGiphy
Can It Even Be Considered A Chat?
"Since when was a fire emoji and a number a symbol of popularity and friendship?"
"I just don't have the time for this sh*t."- Yes-I-Have-Arrived
Quality Over Quantity
The best thing about opinions and personal taste is that they are unique to every individual.
No two people have to like the same thing, nor should we judge those who dislike something we like and vice-versa.
Even if it's hard to say it's unreasonable that not even two people should give Elon Musk or Ye any time of day.
Though again, that's just an opinion...
Meal times are meant to be fun. It's a time where you can take break from work and your problems, be with your friends or family, and most importantly, enjoy some good food.
Of course, good food is subjective.
There are plenty of popular foods and dishes out there that everyone loves.
However, sometimes people love a food so much that it loses it's luster and becomes overrated.
Redditors were only too happy to share which popular dishes they find overrated.
It all started when a Redditor asked:
"What food do you think is overrated?"
No Need For Synthetic Clay
"Fondant, if that counts. I see all these fancy cakes in bakeries and on tv shows and my first thought is "90% of that is just sugary Play-Doh.""
"It is gorgeous, but tastes like, well you said it."
But We All Need Coffee
"Anything at Starbucks"
"Starbucks? More like Starsucks!"
Presentation Is Only Half The Battle
"Macarons. They never taste as good as they look"
"I would have to agree with this! I’ve had macarons from regular stores, always thought they tasted “blah”. Then I was in France a few months ago, and someone swore by Laduree ones. They said “you have to try it, it will change your life”. Waited in line for 40 min so I could “have my life changed”! Well, I still thought they tasted “blah”"
"Yes! They are so pretty but I feel like I’m eating chalk."
Can't Go With Everything
"Bacon. Dont get me wrong I love it but people wrap everything in it , cover it with chocolate ect."
"Bacon should be a side dish. Adding it to anything else sullies the bacon."
More Money Does Not Mean Better
"Right? Give me some salmon roe and we're good. It's like fish boba, yummy."
Not The Highest Form Of Flattery
"California roll w imitation crab"
"Imitation crab is heinous"
Pure And Simple Is The Best
"Things made of Mac and Cheese, like Mac and cheese balls"
"Just give me some good, gourmet mac. Usually the stuff in mac and cheese balls is Kraft Easy Mac grade stuff."
"Yes, yes, yes, i thought i was the only one who doesn"t understand the Nutella lovers."
"Brown fatty stuff in sugar. Gag"
Last Meal Doesn't Mean Best Meal
"I’d prefer shrimp/crab/crawfish over lobster any day of the week."
Too Much Of A Good Thing
"Avocado. there is such a thing as too much"
"Just give me a fine spread, I don't need an avacado staircase on my toast"
Just A Bandaid Food
"Cheese is at the top of my list. Didn't really notice too much till the lactose intolerance set in but they put it on everything. I believe it's to cover up for really poor quality food. Have a sh*tty entrae? Cover it in cheese and people can't get enough. I never aye a lot of cheese before but it seems out of control the past few years"
Make It Yourselves
"Chocolate dipped strawberries. I can't believe people pay that much money for something that can be made so easily and cheaply and probably better at home."
Best Cookie In The World?
"Stopped eating them when I had braces because they gunked them up one time, and then I realized I didn’t like them a lot in the first place lol"
America's Favorite Food
"People who say "Bad pizza is still pizza" aren't actually eating BAD pizza."
"Truly abominable pizza is heartbreaking, infuriating and bewildering."
"7/11 is the only place i've ever had truly bad pizza from. i was shocked. how do you mess up pizza??!?"
"There are two instances where I've had actual bad pizza, not "bad pizza but it's still pizza.""
"The first was my college cafeteria. You go in thinking that it's awesome to have all you can eat pizza nightly...problem is, the pans weren't rinsed properly and every bite tasted faintly of dish soap. Pretty gross."
"The second (the worst of the two) was at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica I stayed at for my brother's wedding. The only option for late night food within the resort was a shack that served pizza, burgers, nachos, fries, that sort of thing. I asked for a cheese pizza, but they didn't have an oven, just a flat top. They pulled out some dough, stretched it out a bit (but not nearly thin enough to cook evenly) and slathered some tomato paste on it, then topped it with slices of american cheese. It was raw in the middle and didn't taste right at all."
I never want to learn what truly bad pizza is!
Do you have anything to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
We all have our preferences when it comes to the type of people we want to keep the company of.
When the people we're with do something undesirable or rude, they are an instant turn-off, and we lose all interest in continuing to hang out with that person.
I know for me that people who try to be funny by making rude jokes about others won't be in my life for long.
Redditors were all too eager to share their own opinions on what they think are instant turns-offs.
It all started when Redditor SnooRegrets8194 asked:
"What is an instant turn off for you?"
Clean Yourself Up!
"Bad teeth as well"
"Edit: mouth hygiene."
Get Me A Mirror...Or A Filter!
"Being completely obsessed with physical image. Especially via social media."
"Idiot duck lips has entered the convo"
Do Unto Others...
"Rudeness. Especially when the person is rude to people they think are beneath them."
"Bruh. If I’m with someone and they harass a service worker. I get heated."
Only Looking For One Thing
"Worst is you thought that person was nice and then after a few exchange of messages, here comes a subtle conversation about sex. Very disappointing."
"I hate when that happens. LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX NOW."
Just Be Nice
"Making fun of your interests or hobbies"
"Yes. If I can’t talk to you about the sh*t I’m passionate about, we ain’t working."
"When she gets on her phone while we have a good time"
"Dude my ex did this constantly. Every date we went in she'd be on her phone talking to her friends. I normally wouldn't have cared because friends are dope, but the texting got a fair bit. Well.. suspicious after I saw the way they spoke with her."
The Past Is In The Past
"When they complain about their ex on the first date"
Why Do Today...
"When men in relationships don’t do housework."
"Lazyness in general is a turn off for me."
Table Manners Matter
"Anyone who chews with their mouth open."
"Hearing or seeing this makes me so angry I have to walk into the other room otherwise I literally get violent thoughts about the person and I’m not a violent individual lol I HAAAATE ppl who do this!"
Oh The Horror!
"Dated a girl once who was upset I read Harry Potter because it involves witchcraft. That’s a turn off. Actually still makes me mad thinking of it considering it wasn’t just a small argument. Glad that’s over."
You're Good, But I'm Better!
"One-uppers/people who don’t have a disconnect from talking about their wealth, job, or how much they make constantly."
"Someone that's overly into themselves. Their selfie as their screen saver. Constantly sending you selfies and talking about how attractive they are. Confidence is nice, but sometimes it comes off as self-obsessed.
Also someone that demands so much of my time when I barely know them. "Why aren't you answering??" Or sending message after message when I'm busy. Like damn, you don't got nothing to do but text me huh? I don't have time for that shit."
"11:01: We can go to the mall tonight yes?"
"11:03: OK FINE I GUESS YOU DONT WANT TO GO WITH ME!! I AM NOT YOUR REBOUND!!!!"
"11:30 I get out of my meeting and read the messages like whaaaaaaaat?"
I See That
"I know an electrician that always turns me on… i’ll dm you his number"
Time To Convert
"I hit it off with a girl I met online, super sweet, but hardcore catholic, wanted me to swap from pagan to catholic just to be with her. I never really cared about someone’s religion tbh."
It's All About Me
"people asking questions that they use to turn attention/ the conversation back to themselves"
Yeah, that would be a turn-off for me too!