Guy Wants To Cancel His Wedding In Two Weeks, And The Internet Chimes In
Getting married can be one of the great stresses of your life. Pressure and anxiety can fester over every little thing, coupled alongside the universally crippling fact you're about to be attached to one person for the rest of your life, can be too much for people. In those times, it's important to remember a wedding is merely one day and what you're planning on doing is committing to one person who you hopefully love enough to spend the rest of your life together.
Sometimes that's not enough, as demonstrated by this young man's story, who posted on Reddit looking for advice.
Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] dating for 2 years, how can i tell her, i want to cancel our marriage
Hello, I'm getting married in exactly 2 weeks. A month ago, I was 100% sure I want the marriage but a week ago I started to get worried about the marriage.
Basically I know, nothing will change after the marriage because it's just a piece of paper, but somehow I'm still scared. I talked with her like 2 times already, told her my thoughts and that I'm not ready yet. She said "Ok, if you're not ready, you shouldn't marry me" but after an hour it suddenly changed my mind and i told her "I'm ready, its just a big step. I guess im just nervous". Both times it ended like that and on the next day, my mind cant think of anything else, on how scared i am.
I guess the mindchange happens because I don't really want to hurt her. I want to stay together with her, we are also living together since 1.5 years but i don´t think I'm ready yet.
Does anyone here was in the same situation? How did you started the conversation and how did it all end? What would you recommend me? Just talking to directly again? I feel awul for "changing" my mind every 3 days.
TL;DR : Unsure if i should cancel my marriage in 2 weeks even when sure, how.
Have You Given It Serious Thought?
It is absolutely not just a piece of paper and the fact that you think that shows just how wildly, thoroughly unprepared you are to do it. I want to inform you, yes, inform, that you are making a gigantic mistake routed in immaturity. You havent even been together two years! You really think nothing is going to change between you after marriage and for literally the rest of both of your lives? That's a scream.
It's Best To Not Drag It Out
My STBX husband wasn't ready. And I sort of worried that he wasn't ready. From the time he proposed to the day before the wedding, I assured him more than once that if he wanted to take more time, or even not get married at all, I was ok with it. For my part, I loved him (and still do) and never doubted it for a second.
He dragged it out for 4 years before finally admitting that marriage wasn't "his thing". He quite literally ruined my life because of his indecisiveness and I would rather have been his girlfriend forever than his wife for a minute.
Don't do to her what he did to me. If you love her at all, don't drag her into a legal and emotional mess because you are afraid.
Two-Become-One
the marriage. Basically i know, nothing will change after the marriage because its just a piece of paper, but somehow im still scared.
Wtf are you serious? It's not just a piece of paper. Do you even know what it is? It's a legal document basically merging two people to one. This means you share everything. Any debts? You share. You get divorced, your a-- gets to pay alimony. Any assests you have, half gone. Yeah a piece of paper. Clearly you are not ready cause you think it's just a piece of paper. This paper is a business contract and one of the most important ones, if not the most important one.
All It Takes Sometimes Is A Little More Time
If you aren't ready don't get married. Postpone it or cancel it. Bring it up sooner rather than later too. Just tell her you think you need more time before you get married, don't beat around the bush. You've already talked about it to her, she seemed to understand.
Not going to lie, 2 weeks before my wedding I wasn't scared, I just wanted it done and over with. But everyone is different.
[Update] Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [19 F] dating for 2 years, how can i tell her, i want to cancel our marriage?
After some serious thinking and mental breakdowns, i came to the conclusion "I cant marry her". So last Saturday I told my girlfriend I'm not ready yet. She was really angry and sad, it was obvious understandable.
I also felt guilty but after the conversation I felt free. It was probably the hardest conversation in my life but I feel so much better right now.
Even tho things are still difficult between us, her parents hate me and we are overthinking our relationship and thinking about a breakup everything is just better.
Someone said "If your relationship can't handle a wedding postpone, your relationship won't handle a marriage" and i think he's absolutely right. If she leaves me now, I'm 100% sure it was the right choice. Also someone gave me the question :
"If it came down to a choice between getting married and breaking up -- do you have a clear preference for one or the other?"
And yes, my preference was clearly breaking up. I never thought about that way.
I even realized our relationship has a lot of problems and I'm thinking of breaking up as well. Maybe starting to focus more on myself, but I will decide that in a week or so, depends on how things will go between us from now on.
Also I realized that I'm lacking friends and social contact. I have some friends but in the past 2 years I did nothing else than doing stuff with my girlfriend. Basically we were together 24/7 except work. I neglected my friends and yesterday i met some friends and it felt great. I honestly start doing more with my friends and trying to find new friends SOMEHOW
Thanks for reading.
TL;DR : I was unsure about my wedding, but in the end i cancelled it and it was the hardest choice and the hardest conversation in my life. Everything was paid but in the end it was worth it. The relationship might be falling apart now, but i rather breaking up than paying a divorce in a year or so.
Pay Attention To Your Own Feelings
That's great news!
Someone said "If you relationship cant handle a wedding postpone, your relationship wont handle a marriage" and i think hes absolutly right. If she leaves me now, im 100% sure it was the right choice.
The fact that you were so hesitant, the fact that you would prefer breaking-up than marrying her, and the fact that you feel so relieved are all the confirmation you need that you made the right choice. Tons of relationships don't survive going back on that kind of commitment, if she choses to leave you now, it says nothing about her.
One End Leads To A New Beginning
I was really bitter at 21 because a guy i had been dating for 6 years all of a sudden told me he didnt want to marry me anymore....
5 years later I have met my person and we are happy and getting married. I am a much more whole person, and the best thing that guy ever did for me was set me free so that I can experience all that I did.
Said all that to say..OP if you hade [sic] any concerns you did the right thing. And if you all decide to split as painful as it is, and as much as she will say/feel she hates you. In time it all makes sense. Good luck.
Being An "Adult" Means Making The Tough Call
"If it came down to a choice between getting married and breaking up -- do you have a clear preference for one or the other?"
And yes, my preference was clearly breaking up. I never thought about that way.
Then stop putting the responsibility on her to do so. Grow up and break up with her because you clearly aren't satisfied with this relationship.
Which is totally fine, but you need to do some adulting here and break up with the girl instead of stringing her along with maybe-someday-getting-married when what you really mean is it's over. You're trying to put the pressure on her to leave you now, because you want a break-up, and that's pretty sh-tty.
No One Is The Same At 25 As They Were At 22
Someone put it very aptly to me during my divorce, and I'd like to pass on the wisdom. No one is the same person at 25 that they were at 22. Getting married that young is a gamble.
You could be the most head over heels in love couple in the world, but if you haven't yet fully worked through who you are, you have no right to tie another person's life to yours. Breakup or not, calling off the wedding is the best thing for both of you.
[usernamedeleted]
"True Love Can Come At Any Age"
Grow as your own person, make friends like you said you would, and live life. You're 21, and while true love can come at any age; it probably won't be now!
Best of luck!
H/T: Reddit
There's something about seeing a person litter that drives me up the wall. I remember being younger and being explicitly told to hold on to my trash and not just throw it in the street.
As a kid, I distinctly remember being made fun of for not just throwing the bag of chips I'd just eaten or an empty soda bottle into the gutter.
I can't imagine doing that. Why?! We truly treat this planet as if we have somewhere else to go. And yes, it says a lot about people who do that.
Turns out I'm not the only one with strongly held opinions. People shared their thoughts after Redditor Acrobatic_Western_67 asked the online community,
"What's something that makes you instantly dislike someone?"
"Treating food service..."
"Treating food service/retail employees like garbage for no reason."
SibyUnrest
This is a big one. Don't do it. It says a lot about you. The people who take your food orders are not personal servants.
"Standing in the middle of aisles..."
"Standing in the middle of aisles or doors, etc., and not paying attention to anyone else coming or needing to get through. Extra bonus scorn if you actually take a tone or give a dirty look when someone dares say 'excuse me.'"
llcucf80
Ah yes, spatial awareness. It's in such short supply.
"When they exhibit..."
"When they exhibit a personality trait that I also have, and don't like about myself. Every time I find myself being dismissive or judgemental of somebody, it's just my own insecurity."
At least you're self aware enough to recognize that, and that's a big step!
"When I'm talking..."
"When I'm talking and they are not listening. Like they are not even trying to pretend that they are listening."
eat-the-rich-07
Ah yes, the constant talker. Difficult to get a word in edgewise.
"A person can treat me like a princess..."
"A person can treat me like a princess but as soon as I see them mistreating either animals or people, I am out of there. Because one of these days, you'll be on that receiving end."
starlightradio
Honestly, good for you. You know when you've dodged a bullet.
"Telling people..."
"Telling people to smile. It just screams condescending and a lack of emotional intelligence."
Condescending indeed. I really felt for the women I worked with back when I did customer service. They heard it all the time and I could tell they hated it.
"Grown ups..."
"Grown ups using 'baby talk' to try to get what they want. I'm not talking about when people goo-goo at babies, but when they use a silly whiney voice to try to persuade people or make people do them a favour."
"Aww, pwease hewp me wiv dis wittle pwoject."
"When I hear that I instantly lose respect for that person, be it a stranger or someone I know."
"Pet peeve."
handsahwill
I cringed so hard reading this. I hope no one does that around me!
"When the first thing they do..."
"When the first thing they do when they meet me is talk bad about others. Probably to make me think they are great and it's the other people that are the problem."
TooGayToPayCash
Yeah... run away. Run far away. If they're talking like that when they first meet you
"Okay..."
"One-upping people. 'Yeah, that's pretty good, but one time I...' Okay, we get it, your life is more amazing than everyone else's."
well-uh-yeah
That's nothing! You should hear MY thoughts on what you just said!
See what I just did there?
"When out driving..."
"When out driving, someone who pulls out in front of you, then proceeds to go 5-10+ mph under the speed limit."
You just described a bunch of my family members. I apologize on their behalf.
It should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway: These sorts of behaviors are the kind that make other people think you're a jerk.
Don't be a jerk. Got it? Good.
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People Break Down The Most F**ked Up Things Society Totally Accepted 20 Years Ago
The world has changed significantly in the last twenty years. Back in the day, you could just step out of the house and be gone all day and no one could contact you unless they were back home or used a payphone.
Nowadays, people expect us to be connected all the time, which is super frustrating in its own way. But it's hard to imagine the world as it was before, right? And it's pretty wild that we just accepted it for so long, that is until technology advanced enough!
Society has changed... for better or worse. People shared their observations after Redditor Silkhide asked the online community,
"What was the most f**ked up thing that was generally accepted twenty years ago?"
"I was knocked out cold..."
"No care or concern for concussions in sports. I was knocked out cold for two minutes on the football field, nobody told me, and when I came to we just resumed the game like nothing had happened."
"I didn’t even know I was out for those two minutes until a year later when people were telling football stories. I thought I had just gotten knocked down and got back up right away. I thought it was weird everyone was making such a big deal about it."
"My first ever depressive episode started almost immediately after that game."
ElbowStrike
Thankfully, knowledge about chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) is much more widespread.
"That Oxycontin..."
"That Oxycontin wasn’t habit forming and it was a miracle drug."
jm6398
Required reading: Empire of Pain: The Secret History of the Sackler Dynasty, in case you want to feel even more enraged about the ongoing opioid crisis.
"My high school..."
"My high school had an area that we were allowed to smoke. A designated smoking area for kids under 18."
Blitz-99
Ha! That would absolutely be met with shock and horror these days.
"Being at home..."
"Being at home at your TV at a certain time to catch a show, and expecting everyone to leave you alone so you could watch it with no interruptions."
"You could be out with friends and you'd look and say, "Oh, it's 7:30 I got to get home to catch my show!" And nobody looked at you like a strange social outcast."
prelegalalien
Ah, those were the days. The way we had to plan for all of these things, actually plan! Remember TVGuide?
"People dying..."
"People dying of Chronic Myloid Leukemia. 20 years ago it was 100% fatal in less than five years. Now it's treated with a once a day pill with no side effects for most people... miracle science right there."
Mandorrisem
Modern medicine is indeed amazing–and changes lives!
"Female celebrities..."
"Female celebrities and actresses with eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. It's less prevalent now, but dang was it brutal back then."
spicedshrub
Karen Carpenter, anyone?
Talk about an emotionally devastating story.
"There's still a lot of trouble..."
"25 years ago, I had a gym teacher who did not think asthma was a thing and wouldn't let me have my inhaler at hand in class. I walked every mile because I didn't want to die."
"There's still a lot of trouble for the undiagnosed, but tons of physical and mental health issues that were downplayed or outright ignored at least have some kind of support system or protocol now. It's not perfect, but at least we know they're real and are starting to do something."
Pookajuice
A teacher who would have the nerve to mock a student for their disability or health problems today is in for a real wake-up call.
"Nobody said anything..."
"In middle school a student dressed up like an SS Nazi for halloween. Nobody said anything until my choir teacher told him that some people may find it offensive. Teacher was Jewish."
ExplicitTech
Yeah... that sounds like something that would warrant an immediate expulsion.
"I worked in restaurants back then..."
"Sexual harassment in the workplace. It was just starting to become a topic of conversation around the early 2000s but very little progress had been made."
"I worked in restaurants back then and the amount of harassment I and my other female coworkers endured was unreal by today’s standards. We all just learned to laugh it off because no one took it seriously."
dsw1219
Grateful to see the culture change for the better where this is concerned, though there is still so much work to be done.
"People would go to carnivals..."
"People would go in carnivals and shove their face in the same water barrel to grab an apple with their mouth. Completely bonkers in 2021."
iaml3roux
If COVID-19 had a Facebook, it would love, love, LOVE this.
For any of you reading... 2001 was 20 years ago. Take some pills for your back. It might hurt.
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Is it ever okay to keep a secret from your parents?
It's been said that what people don't know won't hurt them, and that can certainly depend on the circumstances. But some secrets aren't all sad, dark, and depressing. Some are quite wholesome, believe it or not!
And sometimes your parent might be in on the secret. That's right. One parent.
People were keen to share their experiences after Redditor TheCripdalorian asked the online community,
"What’s one secret you and a parent have kept from the other parental figure?"
"He fought back one day..."
"When I was 10, my older brother (12) was bullied in middle school because we were poor and wore Payless our entire lives. He fought back one day and was suspended from school. When my mom asked what happened, he didn't want to hurt her feelings so he lied."
"I told her what happened and she started to cry. The next day she took us to a shoe store and bought all three boys Nikes, which were very expensive (think Ken Griffeys). She made us promise to not tell our dad and if he asked, they were super cheap on sale."
"She bought us Nikes two times a school year even though they were way out of our budget because she didn't want us to feel s****y at school. I love you, Mom."
tkm0ney
It's awful that we live in a world where people get judged for not wearing clothing that is fancy enough.
"The day that my mom left..."
"My stepdad and mom broke up. The day that my mom left, taking me with her, I went back into the house to say goodbye. I got along well with him, my mom is a bit crazy."
"I was young, middle school age. He was devastated and broke down (a first) crying. He told me that he had never told anyone this but the reason he had issues getting along with my mom was because he was assaulted as a child, and he was sorry. He made me promise not to tell her or anyone."
"I never did. I always wondered if I should tell her but keeping his secret was the only thing I could do for him and I still cared for him a lot so I never told anyone. I wouldn't even post it here but sadly he passed away some years ago now."
"It was really sad, he was a nice guy. But it never would have worked anyway with my mom."
sarradarling
You're a good person, and it probably meant the world to him.
"My Mom worked days..."
"My Mom worked days, and my Dad was on midnight shift. So meals were my Dad's responsibility that week."
"One day, instead of cooking dinner, he took me to a funeral of an old teacher of his that had passed away...so that I could eat those little sandwiches, cheese and desserts."
mollymuppet78
This makes me think of all the times we went to Costco for free samples... though nowhere near as morbid.
"My mom slipped me the money..."
"I rented Mike Tyson's Punch Out when I was in 7th grade and kept it out until I owed $47. My mom slipped me the money to pay it off so my dad wouldn't go crazy about the money, which was a LOT of money for us back then. If he'd found out, he would have prohibited me from renting games for a while."
"I don't think he knows about it even now."
This is sweet and wholesome but we bet you remembered to return games after that!
"My dad and I would wrestle..."
"My dad and I would wrestle for fun. He would pretend to let me win, then he would get sudden strength and throw me into the couch. Well on this particular day, he mistimed his throw and yeeted me into the end table. I was fine….but the lamp on the table was not. We cleaned it up and went to the antique store to buy a really similar lamp. Mom never figured it out."
dbar58
My favorite part of this story is that it's a really similar lamp!
"First time I got drunk..."
"First time I got drunk at a party. I was hammered and was scared to take a cab. Then I remembered my mom telling me I could always call her for help and she’d be there with no consequences."
"I called her and she picked me up. All she did was make sure I was safe and had enough water to not get as bad a hangover as I was going to. No blaming me for waking her up at 3 am, no chiding just telling me she was proud of me for calling her for help."
"My dad, who’d most likely have a panic attack at the thought of me having been drunk, still thinks I was picked up because I was sleepy instead."
"Thanks mom."
certified-dumbass-TM
Parenting done right – good to hear that you can trust your mother!
"Now that my brothers and I are all adults..."
"Well, my parents divorced when I was quite young, and around age 14 I happened upon a substantial stash of pot in my mom's house. She wasn't angry about it or anything, and I knew she wasn't a stoner or anything, it was just a one-time thing she'd gotten from a friend."
"But as she correctly pointed out, if I ever told my dad he would do everything in his power to get full custody of me, and I wouldn't get to live with her anymore."
"Now that my brothers and I are all adults I can tell that story all I want, but yeah, I kept that secret."
NomenNescio13
Divorces can be very acrimonious. It sounds like you did the right thing here.
"That I'm the one..."
"I’m the one who got those massive dents in the back of the car when I was 17… backing into the OTHER car they owned. It was not a parallel parking hit and run."
Veauros
Yeah... it sounds like it'd be best to keep this one to yourself. What they don't know won't hurt them, right?
"I got lucky..."
"I got lucky and found a Wii for Christmas the year it came out. But it was for me from my parents. Anyways, one day I'm home from school and Dad was home from work. We opened it, played Wii sports all day and put it back before Mom came home."
Infectedrage
This is such a sweet and wholesome memory!
"The gingerbread cookies..."
"The gingerbread cookies on the balcony... Yeah, some of it was eaten by the birds, but not all of it. Sorry mom!"
VattghernCZ
You little rascal! She should have known!
Some of these stories are sweet and others saddening. Regardless, many people have their reasons not to tell their parents things. Mum's the word.
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People Confess Which Things They've Purchased And Never Actually Used
Whether it's a fad product from Instagram or something for that hobby you just know you'll start doing one day, it's easy to buy things that seem useful and then just never use them.
Redditor Doctor_Disaster asked:
"What is something that you have purchased in the past, but have never used once since then?"
Never Gonna Make That Telescope
"On a trip to Chicago at about age 14 to visit the museums, my parents bought for me a telescope mirror grinding kit from the Adler Planetarium which I desperately wanted. It had all the components needed to construct a 6" mirror for a beautiful reflector scope. I kept that kit until I was about 50 years old, moving from apartment to apartment and city to city, until I finally decided I probably just wasn't gonna make that telescope."
-konqueror321
You Probably Don't Need The Book
"College textbooks, as a freshman you think you need them but it’s a scam most of the time. Just get the pdf online tbh. I’ve even had professors that strongly hint at a textbook being available online and for students not to buy it."
-vanynoose
"I had a professor complaining and complaining that a mass anonymous email went out to all his students with a pdf of the text book. He just kept asking if 'everyone saw it and how terrible it was… but everyone saw it right? Everyone… did anyone miss it or not get it… that terrible anonymous email sent too ALL of his students got'"
"He was a good dude lol."
One Day...
"I bought a book on methods to tackle procrastination, 7 years ago. It remains unread though I’m sure the methods within are glorious."
-PhotoKaz
"On page 1 it just says, 'Congratulations! You have taken the first step towards conquering procrastination! Now just keep taking one step at a time!' Or some other cheesy stuff like that."
-tiredoflife2212
Bye Bye Bicycle
"Not me but my dad - bought a bicycle he never used, a year rolled by and the shop he bought it from called him and asked if he wanted it serviced, to which he agreed. Still hadn’t used it. I went to his place one day and saw the bike and asked if I can borrow it. He then tells me this story and said I can have it. Thanks dad!"
-WallyButterbean
Aspiring Artist
"I bought a wacom pad like a year ago cause i wanted to start drawing. Never got around to start learning."
-LordofthePigeons619
"You know, I got one to use as a mouse. I know that sounds crazy, but I was starting to get some RSI in my hand from constant mouse use at work and home."
"No lie - once I got over the first 24 hours of it being awkward as a daily pointing device, I quickly realized that I by far preferred using it to the alternatives. When you're over the learning curve it starts to feel so much more precise. It always got me funny looks and questions when co-workers stopped by my desk, since my roles never had anything to do with illustration or design."
"Absolutely useless for anything game related, mind you. But day to day document/office/browser/other stuff? Super useful. Maybe give it a try."
-infosec_qs
Time For A Game Night
film opening GIFGiphy"*Looks at the shelves of unplayed board games*"
-Mortlach78
"One day, the perfect group of people will be assembled in your house and ready to play that game... Until that day it sits on the shelf awaiting its time."
-silentknight111
Forever Disorganized
"Containers to get myself organised. Months ago. And now I’m on reddit. Not being organised."
-ReaganInc
"At least now, when you someday get the urge to organize your stuff, you will have the containers ready & be able to just do it."
-batsofburden
You Mean You're Not Supposed To Just Collect Them?
"I'd like to introduce you to my steam library."
-Fynn_the_Finger
"Me: there are no games to play."
"Steam library: *sad game noises*"
-SeparateBluejay9818
Banger Banjo
Sloth Banjo GIFGiphy"When I got my job back in April after a 3 year attempt at freelancing, my first pay check was the most exciting."
"I bought a banjo. I'm a city boy in the UK. I have no idea how to play instruments."
"To this day it stays in the corner of my room getting an occasional twang when I get a little spicy."
-schofield101
Yarn Hoard
"Yarn, so much yarn."
-erabera
"Yes, I am more a yarn collector than a knitter."
-shinyacorns
It's not too late to use that thing you bought forever ago and forgot about. It's never too late to pick up that hobby or read that book!
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