Often times you learn just how creative a kid is when they're being deceitful.
Homework and assignments are going to be late sometimes.
It's a part of the school cycle.
Instead of getting miffed, take solace in the off-the-wall, nonsensical excuses students come up with.
Back in my day, that first 10 minutes of class was practically a comedy hour.
I mean talk about Oscar worthy performances...
Sometimes you just have to laugh.
Redditor blobbytheblobfish2 wanted to talk about all the reasons behind students turning work in off schedule.
So they asked:
"Teachers of reddit, what's the funniest excuse for being late, not doing homework, etc... you've ever heard from a student?
My go to was always killing off family members.
My life was a massacre for awhile in high school.
Mr. G
Baby Boomers Ok GIF by OriginalsGiphy“'Not gonna lie Mr. G, I got in an argument with ****** in the hall. He wants to fight me at lunch. I don’t wanna wuss out but I’d lose that, can you come stop him before he starts s**t?'”
“'Uhhhh…. Sure!?'”
"9th graders are wild."
NerdyRedneck45
In a What?!
"I was late once cuz someone threw my bike in a tree. There was no room in the rack so I just threaded the lock through the frame and both wheels. Someone must have tried to steal it and then got frustrated when it wouldn't ride and threw it up into a f**king tree. It took me a while to get it down and untangle the bike lock but luckily I had a photo of it in the tree to show my professor."
wildling-woman
Broken
"Not a teacher, but I remember in 7th grade a kid walked in a few minutes late and the teacher asked why. Kid said he was looking for a screwdriver because his belt broke. Teacher said he wasn't buying it and told the kid to sit down. Kid said fine, took 2 steps, then his pants fell to his ankles in front of everyone. It was freaking hilarious and perfectly timed comedically."
Dustyoldfart
Oink
"My mother was a high school teacher over a decade ago, and once had a student come in half way through the first class and say he was late because he was 'escaping from the pigs.' She didn’t really think much of it, and ignored him. However he was arrested before school ended. It’s one of her favorite stories to tell. 'Sometimes it’s scarier when they don’t lie to you.'"
JustAFieryLizard
What about your Safari?
Work Marketing GIF by lamarcamcGiphy"I had the same kid, tell me twice, that his dog ate his chromebook. He said he used his chromebook as a plate to eat a steak and the dog ate it."
happylilstego
Know the details of your lies kids.
Burgers next time
Season 7 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy"My first year teaching, it was 4th grade, and one student informed me that she hadn’t done her reading the night before 'because we had pizza for dinner.' It’s been 20 years and I’m still confused."
onjohns
unsanitary...
"The kid’s homework sheet was ripped in half. He said his sheep ate it. I asked why he had his homework outside with the sheep, and he said he didn’t. The sheep was in his kitchen. I asked why and he said they usually let it in the house. He said this in a tone that was like, 'duh.'"
"So later, I asked another kid, who lived next door to this kid, if his neighbor really had sheep in his kitchen. He’s like, 'yeah. That’s why my mom doesn’t let me eat dinner over there anymore. She thinks it’s unsanitary.'"
TemperatureDizzy3257
Miss. Potnineo
"My friend and I used to walk to school together and one day we arrived a bit late and my friend was able to truthfully say 'Sorry we're late Miss. Potnineo got hit by a car.' We had been crossing the road at a pedestrian crossing with traffic lights and the light changed right after I stepped off the curb, and I guess the driver was so focused on the green light that he didn't even notice I was still passing in front of his car."
"He started to pull forward, hit me (very slowly obvs), I wasn't hurt but was very startled so I screamed and slammed my hands on his car bonnet to steady myself and not fall under the car. The driver proceeded to yell at me for hitting his car and then drive off. We were already running late anyway and the car incident was over within a few seconds, but it made a great excuse."
potnineo
Mooooove Along
"Cows got out last night and I had to chase them home all night. I knew the kid and the family so it wasn't a lie. Good kid who was obviously tired. I told him not to worry about missed homework."
Robby777777
"I used to be the manager of a fast food place in a rural town. There was once a cow in the drive through. It did not respond to me yelling at it. I didn’t get paid enough for that sh*t."
usernamesareatupid28
You're Excused
Two Thumbs Up GIF by TV LandGiphy"'Please excuse Janet from class today. She is in the hospital having her baby' (brought to me by a sibling)."
"Also..."
"'Please excuse Robbie for yesterday. He was home with the Shitt*ns.'"
pennyxroyalty
Poor Fish
"Once one of my classmates was late because their pufferfish had escaped."
Jakzter
"Escaped where? It’s a fish!"
morbidpigeon
Cat Problems
"Our cat set my son's 3rd-grade homework on fire by knocking over a lamp. I had worked on it with him earlier, it was finished, he was in bed, and the cat wanted to join him. Knocked over the lamp where the bulb was laying on the papers."
"The smoke alarms went off, my son ran screaming from the room, my wife grabbed the baby and ran outside with the son."
"The fire was JUST getting started, and I was like, may as well try... so I spit in my hands and patted out all the burning paper."
"I packaged up the burnt paper with a full note to the teachers."
Columbus43219
Overtired
"It isn't funny but it is the one I remember clearest. He said he was too tired."
"Kiddo was at school till 2, then would go to german lesseons from 3 to 4:30. Then had English with me from 5 to 6:30. Then he would have to go to French from 7 to 8:30. He was 8."
"He was too tired in my class to even sit up. I got to know a lot of bad parenting styles as a teacher."
Bakecrazy
Tree
"We had a student that got chased by a pack of wild dogs as he was getting out of his car and making his way to the building. He ended up hiding in a tree for like 2 hours and missing multiple classes. The teachers did not believe him until the school administration looked at the security footage and saw that he did indeed get chased by a pack of wild dogs. I should also add that it was in a suburban area"
It even happens to teachers.
"It wasn’t a student, it was me, the teacher. I was marking a students exam and I had a brand new puppy. The ONE time I leave work on the sofa to get a biscuit, Persie (poochie) chewed the whole thing. That was embarrassing to explain the next day. A few years later my then one year old drew all over an entire class worth of books. My husband was watching her btw 🤦♀️. Again, it was mortifying trying to explain that to a class of laughing children!"
Puzzledandhungry
Kids are funny. Until they're crazy.
Do you have any hilarious excuses that you or your classmates have used? Let us know in the comments below.
What grossed you out so much in a relationship that you just left?
Not So Subtle Manipulation
"We were in one of many fights and I told him I needed space, so we hadn't talked in maybe a day."
"I get a text from a random number saying it was his sister and that he was in the hospital after a bad work accident."
"I ask which hospital (knowing that it is him texting me using a number app, lying about being injured - BUT you never know, maybe it's real)."
"'She' tells me the name of the hospital and then sends me a picture of JUST his legs which are bruised, but they looked like how his legs always looked."
"And then she says this is the last picture they took of him before he was life flighted to the hospital."
"She said he had severe head trauma, a cracked skull, and his back was likely broken in several places."
"So...I called the hospital and asked if they had any patients by his name - they said no."
"I asked if anyone was life flighted in in the last few hours - they said no."
"I blocked the number and went to sleep."
"A few days later I got a text from ANOTHER random number claiming to be his brother."
"He sends me a selfie of him in a hospital gown in an exam room at a doctor's office."
"He looked totally normal - no cracked skull or broken back."
"And it was cute because the room was ocean themed with crabs and fish on the walls."
"Anyway, the text said he was in the ICU (the crab room) and he had just woken up from a coma!"
"Again, I ask which hospital and the 'brother' refuses to tell me, saying he'll be RELEASED within the hour so there's no point in a visit."
"I know it makes me sound like a bad person for not believing him, but this man lied to me on several occasions, told me he'd been shot, stabbed, poisoned."
"So many red flags and my mentally ill self was naive and lonely at that time in my life."
"Granted, this was a breaking point for me and I dove head first into therapy and never looked back."- coffeee_bean
Talk About Unhygeinic!
"(Briefly) dated a girl who never cleaned her adult toys."
"It was something I missed the first few times we were together due to lighting but once I did it was all I could do to not retch."
"I played it off like the batteries had died in it."
"Afterwards I took a peek at the rest of her collection and they were all the same, coated in crustyness.
"As far as I could tell she wasn't an otherwise dirty person either."
"He place was well kept and clean and every time we were together it was clear she had either just taken a shower, or we would take one together as part of our pre-game."
"Then again, I have anosmia and can't smell most things, so maybe she stank to hell, and I just couldn't tell?"- TheShandyMan
grossed out seinfeld GIF by HULUGiphyDoes She Even Own A Broom?
"Dated a girl for a while, always seemed really well put together."
"Nice clothes, hair and makeup."
"We usually hooked up at my place."
'Went to her apartment once."
"The smell when she opened the door should’ve been enough."
"There were dirty diapers overflowing trash cans in every room of the house."
"There was a super small walkway through the mounds of dirty clothes to the bathroom."
"And to make it worse , there were used paper plates on top of the MOUNTAIN of dirty dishes in 'the sink'."
"She proudly pointed out a moldy dish and said that it was from when she cooked dinner for two of our mutual friends."
"3 months prior."
'Noped the hell outta there."- Jammin_neB13
Tragic
"When she doted on my kids as though they were hers/ours but treated HERS like they no longer existed or mattered."
"MASSIVE MASSIVE red flag."
"I was sooooo happy to get out of that relationship but years later I feel badly for her kids and pray everything turned out well for them."- Pittman247
Good Thing They Noticed!
"The swastika I found under her left t*t."- vensik
Definitely Not A Keeper
"My ex used to say, constantly, that she wanted to be inside my skin."
"It was her way of saying she desired me, but it was weird and off-putting so I asked her to stop and she couldn't understand what was so uncomfortable about what she was saying."
"Pretty soon after that I went on a week long work trip and three days into it she called and told me the whole time I've been gone she wanted to cheat on me."
"Then she asked me if she could see other people while I'm gone."
"I broke up with her pretty much instantaneously."- BashfulArtichoke
Not What They Did, But What They Were Thinking
"She was jealous of me spending time with my sister and implied our relationship ‘wasn’t normal’."
"I was so grossed out by the implication."
"Dumped her the next day."- Tygoodnight
One Hopes She Got The Help She Needed
"It was two separate incidents, but long story short, one night she got super drunk at my sister-in-law's house."
"After spilling a second glass of red wine on my SIL's white carpet, we opted to move her glass further away from the edge of the table."
"As soon as we left, she screamed, like full-fledged raged, at me for 'not defending her'."
"The very next time we were together, she got drunk again and accused me of trying to cheat on her (I've never cheated on anyone) and threw her purse at me."
"I let things calm down and explained to her that I grew up in a house chock full of domestic violence and that was an absolute line in the sand."
"And for that reason, I was out."- Zutes
When They Admit To Stalking, GET OUT!!!
"He showed me, with excitement, a box of things he'd been collecting from me without my knowledge."
"This included strands of my hair taped up neatly, bobby pins and hair pins I had in from prom, my finger prints and saliva sample that he took out of the trash from our forensics class experiments."
"He thought this was a romantic gesture or something, but it just made me really realize how creepy and obsessive he is."
"He was also very controlling and got jealous/mad at me for hanging out with my sister or spending time on my laptop or with my dog."
"And he also admitted to me that he stalked my FB interests to pretend he knew and liked what I liked, researching the games I played and music I listened to so he could bring it up in conversation."
"Total psycho."- puppycatpie
Rendering His Showers Unnecessary
"I showered at his place after staying over and I asked for a towel."
"He gave me one which had literal skin flakes on."
"I asked for a clean one."
"He asked what I meant."
"He did not realize that you need to wash towels because 'they just have water on them so they clean themselves'."- G1ngerbeer
towel talking GIF by South Park GiphyComplete And Total Lack Of Sympathy
"My mom died just weeks before and I was tired as f*ck, exhausted, and in a traumatic phase of grief after a year of cancer treatments and all the fuss of being there for a cancer battle."
"The woman I was seeing told me I need to get over it and can't just be alone inside all the time."
"Never spoke to her again."
"Went through my phases of grief and have been a resource to ppl in my life that are going through similar loss since then."
"Grief takes time or it doesn't; it's different for everyone."- Stevenerf
Trolls Aren't Just Found Under Bridges...
"Found out gf had several fake social media accounts she’d use to bully strangers and harass women she knew including my ex wife."
"Instant dump."- Zen4rest
Some people simply aren't meant for one another.
After reading some of these cases, however, one could honestly say that some people simply aren't meant for anyone.
Redditor GrouchyResolution974 wanted to know what the boys can't quite seem to grasp about the ladies, so they asked:
"Men of Reddit, what’s one thing you will never understand about women?"
Thankfully, I like boys, but's it's a fascinating topic. I'm listening.
Follicle Issues
Giphy"Based on the amount of hair I have seen in the bathroom, and that I somehow still keep finding in my clothes/bu**crack, how do you still have so much hair on your head?"
shartnado3
mark your territory?
"Are you planting hair ties and bobby pins everywhere to mark your territory?"
"This actually came up in a previous relationship when my girlfriend (at the time) found a 'foreign' bobby pin in one of the bathroom drawers, and freaked out about it until I casually explained that she is in fact not the first girlfriend I ever had and that I don't go through and scrub every square inch of my apartment after a breakup."
onamonapizza
Chaotic Sizes
"Why are women clothing sizes all over the place? One store a size 4 could be a 9 at a different store."
Zihark53
"We don't get it either, and we don't like it. The fashion industry refuses to standardize sizes, make bras for well endowed women at a reasonable price, or put useable pockets on our clothing. It's freaking MADDENING."
TattooedWenchkin
"This is a topic most of us rant about at LEAST twice a month, if not every time we go clothes shopping. My best friend says women’s sizing depends on your horoscope and your immediate proximity to a chicken."
queenlesbian99
Why so Small?
"Why are their pockets so small? Who started this?"
GBgabe13
"Pockets went away because 20th century fashion silhouettes were too slim for pockets, cost of installing pockets makes manufacturers not include them in designs, and women’s clothing is made of weaker fabrics that aren’t suitable for pockets. The purse industry thing is a myth. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W2zSSE9pgC8"
butter_milk
Chatter
Mean Girls Gossip GIF by Paramount MoviesGiphy"Starting a conversation, then continuing the conversation after walking into another room where you can't be heard."
therealfrankpenny
Women have super sonic hearing, it's a gift.
Bruh!
Jersey Shore Dancing GIF by Jersey Shore Family VacationGiphy"I'm going to McDonalds, want anything? No. *Proceeds to eat all of my fries, bruh."
california-whiskey
"'I'll just have some of yours.'"
"No I want all of mine, that's the point. I'll just get 2 and finish yours."
Idontdanceforfun
0 to 100!!
"How a woman can instantly tap into the rage (with 0 energy loss) they experienced from an argument we had 2 years ago, and I don't even remember it happening."
whatchlookinat
"It's because of the implications of the past rage. I think women tend to connect behaviors into a pattern more, rightly or wrongly. So X things is seen as a warning sign for something negative."
"Something happen twice is a pattern of behavior that indicates negative thing. I think men tend to view each incident as an isolated event. I don't think either one is right or wrong. I think you need both kinds of thinkers in a social group. A lot of women just tend to lean one way and a lot of men the other."
jittery_raccoon
Location?
"Where do you want to eat?!"
WhenAllElseFail
"As a girl, I absolutely hate having to choose. I will never turn down a place when my husband picks. If I actually want something I will tell him. It should be simple. I get stuck making dinner at home most days and make those decisions- don't make me also figure out food out of the house too."
nickygirl19
"Frankly this is a fair take that I’ve never considered."
flaming_carrot12
Hats off y’all...
"Why the f**k you would ever want to be pregnant. I watched my wife push out two kids with no drugs, and y’all have my undying respect. No freaking way I’d do that dude. Courage is defined as a woman who intentionally get pregnant, knowing what that actually entails and all the terrifying risks associated with it. Hats off y’all."
ToastFromTexas
Bad Company
"Toxic Positivity. Why are you always hang around people you don't like and pretend to be nice to them."
Way_2_Go_Donny
"It’s not necessarily a good habit for sure, but women's networks rely upon collaboration so if you burn bridges, women can do a lot of damage to you socially with a bit of well placed gossip. Sadly. Women’s weapons are psychological devices, vs mens which may be more overtly aggressive."
Dry_Representative_9
Googley Eyes
Want You Love GIF by NICOLE DADDONAGiphy"How they can look at men and find them attractive. I’m an overweight turd and somehow I’ve managed to find one that finds me attractive."
mrtouchybum
We thank these ladies for answering these questions so candidly, in hopes of catching some of the men up to speed.
Do you have any burning questions or things you'd like to answer? Let us know in the comments.