"Friendship is like a garden. You have to water it, you have to tend to it, you have to care about it, or you lose it."
The garden of friendship is easily soiled, but yet, so many don't take the care and attention for their friendships.
u/Iusedtocarebut asked:
What would ruin a friendship for you?
Here were some of those answers.
All The Lies
GiphyWhat would ruin a friendship for me is if someone is being two-faced. I've lost a couple because they wanted to choose when to be my friend and not. I got tired of it. Every time I would say something about anything, they would get mad. I didn't have time for it and I am glad that it's over with.
With Great Friendship Comes Great Responsibility
Not taking responsibility when they mess up. I had a friend that had planned on moving into an apartment with me, and the day the security deposit was due he backed out, leaving me without a home. His response was "I'm sorry, but you didn't make me want to move in with you. And I shouldn't be expected to move if it's not best for me. And I never... bla bla bla etc.". Cut off contact with him and I've never regret it.
Another friend and I were planning a trip a few years ago with a group of friends, and we planned on getting one hotel room together. About a month before we were supposed to leave he contacted me and told me he had decided to get a hotel room with the other two guys instead.
I was livid, since according to him they had gotten the room a few months earlier and just hadn't told me. His response was "I'm sorry dude. I was only thinking about my budget, but I should have thought about how this would affect you and your budget too. I'll make sure to do better in the future." We're still good friends today and I'm glad.
The moral is if you're sorry and want to prove you've learned from the experience, you won't tell the other person why what happened isn't your fault. You'll own up to your mistake and work to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Partying Is Not Caring
When it becomes obvious that they're only pretending to care about you instead of genuinely caring. I've had people who would ghost my messages for weeks at a time, always tell me they were busy but suspiciously always had the time to party. I noped out of that.
The Stress Literally Killed Him
I can tell you what did. I was friends with a husband and wife couple. Over a year and a half period the wife went from social drinking to being drunk at all times, started dating her high school boyfriend behind her husband's back, and took advantage of everyone around her that was friends with them. Husband found out about the boyfriend part and confronted her and she told him, "Then leave me cause I'm not stopping."
They had two kids together and he didn't want to hurt them so he just stayed and sucked it up. Six months later CPS took away their youngest, not long after their oldest was arrested for grand theft auto and drug use and sent to jail (still there as far as I know). I couldn't deal with being tangentially sandblasted by the drama at that point and had to cut it off. Hated doing it and told the husband I'd help him whenever I could but couldn't deal with the wife anymore. He died from a heart attack three months later, I can only assume it was caused by stress.
An Easy Choice
This actually happened. A friend (A) called me and told me that I was probably going to soon hear that he'd been sleeping with the wife of different friend (B) of mine. (A) wanted to see if we'd still be friends because "it just happened" and that the wife wasn't happy anyway.
Yeah, now I have to choose.
I chose the friend who didn't stab a friend in the back, duh.
It's Become Expectation Rather Than Nicety
The need to constantly one up you and if they can't, they either choose to ignore your success or put you down but expects you to compliment them on their achievements.
When a friend stops appreciating the things you do for them and starts to EXPECT you to do things for them ex: Driving them around, paying for their meals, and etc. I don't think it's very hard to just say "thank you" sometimes???
Blah Blah Blah Blah
Being a big blabbermouth. Someone who has no idea what they should or shouldn't say to other people. This doesn't just extend to private moments or secrets I may have shared with them, but includes tact and how they should treat other people.
Projecting
My best friend becoming vegan and getting angry at me everytime I eat meat, despite me supporting her on her new diet/lifestyle or whatever, and also becoming childfree and even though I support her she tells me I'm selfish for wanting kids and seems to be angry that I have one and want more.
Yeah this happened to me. Our friendship abruptly ended and felt more like a breakup.
As Long As You're Mine
Constant dependency. We all should have our own lives. I realize how this sounds but I really hate it when people I try to make friends with try to do every little activity together and never go home. Like they try too hard.
My idea of a good friendship is two people having a lot in common and spending their free time together. Planned or not, however, space needs to be established.
Constantly bombarding me with messages about what I'm doing and where I'm at, video links of memes and stupid videos you find funny, or trying to invest all your time and life into being my friend (i.e. copying me, taking all my words to heart, spending every waking moment to hang out with me)
I know a LOT of people see this as a good friendship. But I can't. It will, And has destroyed friendships. The best thing I can ask for is a friend who obviously has something going for them in their life, but fits me into their routine. We dont have to try and make it seem like we're friends, and we dont have to text each other like a fresh couple just to validate our friendship.
With The Taste Of Your Lips
GiphyToxicity. Sounds simple, but people can pass by pretty blatant red flags. A 'friend' singling you out and using you as a target for 'teasing' isn't a good person to be around. Don't hang out with people who use you like that, even if you've been friends for a long time. People change, and people can become douches. To whoever's reading this, find people you enjoy being with. Those are actual friends.