Love is hard work. The fairytales in film, tv, literature and music have been lying to us. There is no happily ever after. After the credits roll life happens and then the love story gets real. I'm being bitter and macabre. Love is also a very beautiful thing. But love is also deeply fragile and it doesn't take much to tarnish and destroy it.
We try to do the best we can but there is a lot more to be aware of. Love tends to be gone before we realize we could've saved it. So listen and maybe you'll save your fairytale.
Redditoru/EntrepreneurAlone118wanted to discuss all the ways love can sour quickly or slowly, by asking:
What is 1 thing that absolutely kills relationship?
I'm an extremely picky person. Which means I'm a huge pain in the back side. Literally any little thing can change my feelings for a person, even a strong wind. I'm trying to be better.
One Sided
Whatever Shrug GIF by MOODMANGiphy"Lack of investment. When one of the parties won't do anything to help or grow the relationship it will end when the other person becomes exhausted and disillusioned."
no going back...
"Contempt. Relationships can come back from anger, because you can't be really angry at someone you don't care about, and trust that is damaged can be rebuilt, but there's no path from contempt to healthy."
"This is the best answer... I was stuck in a controlling, abusive relationship... But the first time I felt contempt for him... It was over. There was no going back. Took a couple months to arrange a safe way to leave, but I was just counting down the days at that point."
Who Cares?
"Just general apathy. When I no longer got annoyed with my ex because I just didn't care, we didn't argue, I really didn't want to be there any more, I knew it was over. What they say about hate not being the opposite of love is true. It's indifference."
"This is true. Once I lost respect for my ex, I knew there was no looking back and didn't even give a crap."
RUN!
Serial Killer Halloween GIF by GIPHY CAMGiphy"Murder."
"Lol that was the first thing I thought of."
- userdeleted
Yeah murder changes everything. I'll stand by you for a lot, but if we end up a Netflix documentary, I'm going to be so peeved. And if I give up, it's beyond done.
Normalize Mental Health GIF by mtvMoney Blues
"Financial issues. Not just financial pressure but also having a large gap between what you make/contribute and what your partner makes/contributes. Over time this can cause animosity if you're not both clear with each other about the expectation and long term plan/goals."
The Heft of Life
"Stress. The amount of failed relationships due to people unable to handle the stress of trying to provide in an economy where majority are unable to actually provide is crazy. Nothing is more debilitating than working hard and not making ends meet."
Who are you?
"People change. There comes a point in some relationships when a person is no longer the same person that you fell in love with. I mean, in a sense they ARE literally the same person and that is what makes it so difficult. You begin to live in the past, in love with someone who no longer exists."
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
A Loan...
"My partner and I were great until we started looking at apartments. He makes a lot of money but it all gets invested back into his profession- I was too understanding. I took all the financial risks- I put down the deposit on both apartments that we looked at, and I loaned him $2,000 for his portion of the initial payment for an apartment."
"3 days before we were supposed to move in he let me know he wouldn't be able to have the money we needed to pay rent- we had to break the lease and I lost the entire deposit. It's been a year and he hasn't paid me back a cent. We were perfect before. Now I'm bitter, angry, considering leaving quite often and I feel betrayed. I don't think he even realizes."
Hard Labor
Happy I Love You GIF by Minnie MouseGiphy"Thinking love is enough. It's not. Relationships need a lot of work. They can end, even though people love each other, if not enough work is put into."
They Gone
"Talking about their ex. If you cant let go of the past then we have no future. There are suppose to be two of us in this relationship - not three... you, me and your ex."
"There is a difference between not letting go of the past, and having a past. I don't try to avoid mentioning my exes. They happened, and that's fine. So did my wife's exes."
Working Hard
"I hate the phrase "relationships needs work". My ex used it a lot , but the truth is we should have ended things a long time before. The relationship was straining and it took more than gave back. In my current relationship I do a lot of work, but I want to do it and I like doing it. So it doesn't feel like work."
- Ellubori
Drugs
"Meth."
"Yeah, that'll definitely do it. When I was in high school my best friend started to complain that her boyfriend had suddenly changed snd was really rude and abusive. I suggested the possibility of drugs. She claimed he was too poor to buy drugs. It ended up being drugs. And then a couple years later the same thing happened to her. She's fine now, but I had to remove her from my life until she wasn't on a indefinite banger anymore."
Move Away
scared home alone GIFGiphy"Incompatible sleeping position killed my last relationship. I prefer to sleep on my back. She preferred to sleep with her ex-boyfriend."
ball of hate...
"Selfishness. When the relationship revolves only to a single person, and not between both people, just get out of there. You'd only grow into a ball of hate."
a stamp for life...
"Cheating."
"This is the only correct answer imo. While other answers here do make sense, cheating is a stamp for life. How anyone can forgive a cheating partner is beyond me."
"Interesting comment, I've never felt that cheating is such a bad thing. I'm more upset about the lying and the why part of cheating than the sex with others."
- wcdi_30
Rude and Lazy
"Not having trust in someone even when they believe you're lying when you're telling them the truth... also maybe like household chores or being rude to everyone all the time."
"Chores seems to be a huge point of conflict for many of my friends in long-term relationships."
You gotta indulge...
"An unbalance. You gotta indulge in your partner's wants as frequently as they indulge in yours. Can't make your partner hike with you whenever you want but couldn't be bothered to watch a movie they like at the theatre. And for God sakes no double standards, if you don't want them doing something, don't do it either."
Talk About X
"Lack or absence of overall communication. You will :
- drift apart
- grow apart
- stop understanding each other
- small untold issues, once you are conscious of them become huge issues."
"My wife and I made this one number our priority. We will communicate. Whenever something seems / feels / is wrong, we talk openly about it (I said talk, not argue) and we always solve the issue. This has allowed us to go on for 4 years while never shouting at each other. There are other reasons but whenever I hear that a couple "does not talk about x issue cause maybe it will change on the future", I know it won t and I know it may not last long."
Basic Deceny
"Unhealthy communication. I grew up with a family that loves to pull things out of the closet when they're backed into a proverbial corner in an argument. I really hate that behavior. If me and my fiancé have a fight and resolve it. I will not bring up the mistakes again to gain footing. I also do not believe in belittling my partner when I'm angry. Too many people are just 'ok' with insulting one another when they're mad. I won't stay with someone who cannot maintain basic decency when things get tough."
You Know
"For me its the "you should know what you did" sentiment. No forget that its childish highshcooler bull I'm not a mind reader bit if you. But tell me whats bothering you and I'm always willing to talk and work it out. Plus with my ADHD I can't remember breakfast most days and certainly not Something you thought i said wrong 5 days ago."
Rivals
30 Rock GIFGiphy"Her friends and family thinking she can do better combined with male rivals hanging around she won't get rid of despite their obvious interest."
So what have we learned thus far? Love is rough. So you have to take care of it. Are you capable?
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.