Love is hard work. The fairytales in film, tv, literature and music have been lying to us. There is no happily ever after. After the credits roll life happens and then the love story gets real. I'm being bitter and macabre. Love is also a very beautiful thing. But love is also deeply fragile and it doesn't take much to tarnish and destroy it.
We try to do the best we can but there is a lot more to be aware of. Love tends to be gone before we realize we could've saved it. So listen and maybe you'll save your fairytale.
Redditor u/EntrepreneurAlone118 wanted to discuss all the ways love can sour quickly or slowly, by asking:
What is 1 thing that absolutely kills relationship?
I'm an extremely picky person. Which means I'm a huge pain in the back side. Literally any little thing can change my feelings for a person, even a strong wind. I'm trying to be better.
One Sided
Whatever Shrug GIF by MOODMAN
Giphy
"Lack of investment. When one of the parties won't do anything to help or grow the relationship it will end when the other person becomes exhausted and disillusioned."
no going back...
"Contempt. Relationships can come back from anger, because you can't be really angry at someone you don't care about, and trust that is damaged can be rebuilt, but there's no path from contempt to healthy."
"This is the best answer... I was stuck in a controlling, abusive relationship... But the first time I felt contempt for him... It was over. There was no going back. Took a couple months to arrange a safe way to leave, but I was just counting down the days at that point."
Who Cares?
"Just general apathy. When I no longer got annoyed with my ex because I just didn't care, we didn't argue, I really didn't want to be there any more, I knew it was over. What they say about hate not being the opposite of love is true. It's indifference."
"This is true. Once I lost respect for my ex, I knew there was no looking back and didn't even give a crap."
RUN!
Serial Killer Halloween GIF by GIPHY CAM
Giphy
"Murder."
"Lol that was the first thing I thought of."
- userdeleted
Yeah murder changes everything. I'll stand by you for a lot, but if we end up a Netflix documentary, I'm going to be so peeved. And if I give up, it's beyond done.
Health
Normalize Mental Health GIF by mtv
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"A mental health issue/trauma that is not addressed."
Money Blues
"Financial issues. Not just financial pressure but also having a large gap between what you make/contribute and what your partner makes/contributes. Over time this can cause animosity if you're not both clear with each other about the expectation and long term plan/goals."
The Heft of Life
"Stress. The amount of failed relationships due to people unable to handle the stress of trying to provide in an economy where majority are unable to actually provide is crazy. Nothing is more debilitating than working hard and not making ends meet."
Who are you?
"People change. There comes a point in some relationships when a person is no longer the same person that you fell in love with. I mean, in a sense they ARE literally the same person and that is what makes it so difficult. You begin to live in the past, in love with someone who no longer exists."
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
A Loan...
"My partner and I were great until we started looking at apartments. He makes a lot of money but it all gets invested back into his profession- I was too understanding. I took all the financial risks- I put down the deposit on both apartments that we looked at, and I loaned him $2,000 for his portion of the initial payment for an apartment."
"3 days before we were supposed to move in he let me know he wouldn't be able to have the money we needed to pay rent- we had to break the lease and I lost the entire deposit. It's been a year and he hasn't paid me back a cent. We were perfect before. Now I'm bitter, angry, considering leaving quite often and I feel betrayed. I don't think he even realizes."
Hard Labor
Happy I Love You GIF by Minnie Mouse
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"Thinking love is enough. It's not. Relationships need a lot of work. They can end, even though people love each other, if not enough work is put into."
They Gone
"Talking about their ex. If you cant let go of the past then we have no future. There are suppose to be two of us in this relationship - not three... you, me and your ex."
"There is a difference between not letting go of the past, and having a past. I don't try to avoid mentioning my exes. They happened, and that's fine. So did my wife's exes."
Working Hard
"I hate the phrase "relationships needs work". My ex used it a lot , but the truth is we should have ended things a long time before. The relationship was straining and it took more than gave back. In my current relationship I do a lot of work, but I want to do it and I like doing it. So it doesn't feel like work."
- Ellubori
Drugs
"Meth."
"Yeah, that'll definitely do it. When I was in high school my best friend started to complain that her boyfriend had suddenly changed snd was really rude and abusive. I suggested the possibility of drugs. She claimed he was too poor to buy drugs. It ended up being drugs. And then a couple years later the same thing happened to her. She's fine now, but I had to remove her from my life until she wasn't on a indefinite banger anymore."
Move Away
scared home alone GIF
Giphy
"Incompatible sleeping position killed my last relationship. I prefer to sleep on my back. She preferred to sleep with her ex-boyfriend."
ball of hate...
"Selfishness. When the relationship revolves only to a single person, and not between both people, just get out of there. You'd only grow into a ball of hate."
a stamp for life...
"Cheating."
"This is the only correct answer imo. While other answers here do make sense, cheating is a stamp for life. How anyone can forgive a cheating partner is beyond me."
"Interesting comment, I've never felt that cheating is such a bad thing. I'm more upset about the lying and the why part of cheating than the sex with others."
- wcdi_30
Rude and Lazy
"Not having trust in someone even when they believe you're lying when you're telling them the truth... also maybe like household chores or being rude to everyone all the time."
"Chores seems to be a huge point of conflict for many of my friends in long-term relationships."
You gotta indulge...
"An unbalance. You gotta indulge in your partner's wants as frequently as they indulge in yours. Can't make your partner hike with you whenever you want but couldn't be bothered to watch a movie they like at the theatre. And for God sakes no double standards, if you don't want them doing something, don't do it either."
Talk About X
"Lack or absence of overall communication. You will :
- drift apart
- grow apart
- stop understanding each other
- small untold issues, once you are conscious of them become huge issues."
"My wife and I made this one number our priority. We will communicate. Whenever something seems / feels / is wrong, we talk openly about it (I said talk, not argue) and we always solve the issue. This has allowed us to go on for 4 years while never shouting at each other. There are other reasons but whenever I hear that a couple "does not talk about x issue cause maybe it will change on the future", I know it won t and I know it may not last long."
Basic Deceny
"Unhealthy communication. I grew up with a family that loves to pull things out of the closet when they're backed into a proverbial corner in an argument. I really hate that behavior. If me and my fiancé have a fight and resolve it. I will not bring up the mistakes again to gain footing. I also do not believe in belittling my partner when I'm angry. Too many people are just 'ok' with insulting one another when they're mad. I won't stay with someone who cannot maintain basic decency when things get tough."
You Know
"For me its the "you should know what you did" sentiment. No forget that its childish highshcooler bull I'm not a mind reader bit if you. But tell me whats bothering you and I'm always willing to talk and work it out. Plus with my ADHD I can't remember breakfast most days and certainly not Something you thought i said wrong 5 days ago."
Rivals
30 Rock GIF
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"Her friends and family thinking she can do better combined with male rivals hanging around she won't get rid of despite their obvious interest."
So what have we learned thus far? Love is rough. So you have to take care of it. Are you capable?
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Curious to hear about some of the more creepy indiscretions people get away with, Redditor Flytechofficial asked:
"What is perfectly legal, but creepy as hell?"
These things that happen in public restrooms can be considered criminal.
Respecting Splash Zones
"Using the urinal next to me when there were plenty of other choices."
Nightmare For The Pee-Shy
"hanging out in a public bathroom timing how long people pee."
Bad Timing
"I swear to God. I did a lot of work in hospitals for a while, big f'king hospitals with tons of bathrooms all over the place. For some God damned reason, regardless of what time or bathroom I selected to take a sh*t in not 30 seconds after I sat down a janitor would knock on the door to clean the bathroom. It's not as if it was one janitor, just some random janitor would inevitably need to clean whatever bathroom I was in as soon as I got comfy. It's like I was being stalked by the janitors."
"So now I'm trying to take a sh*t knowing full well there's somebody out there actively timing how long it takes."
Looky-Loo
"I was drunk in a casino and went to use the washroom. The floors in there were a polished marble or something. Sitting on the toilet, pants down, my stall neighbour made eye contact with me on the reflective floor tile."
The following examples involving minors have no legal repercussions.
Outside Watchers
"Technically, you can stand on the sidewalk and stare into someone's house through a window. It's not illegal as long as you stay off of their property, but it's really freaking creepy."
Keeping Tabs On Someone's Age
"A national newspaper having a countdown for when a child actress becomes 'legal' for sex."
"Answers to questions that will surely come. ....Yes. The Sun (UK). Emma Watson."
– pdirth
The Young Subjects
"When I was a child, we had a creepy horrible neighbor that would harass my family constantly. One of the things he did was stand at the corner of his yard and videotape me playing in a pool with my friends (we were around 8). My parents called the police but were told that it's legal if he's on his property."
These perfectly harmless examples can give you goosebumps.
Macabre
"Hanging your doll collection from the trees in your yard using string made from human hair."
People's Taste
"I believe the act of cannibalism itself is legal so long as you didn't murder anyone to do it. If your homie gives you his arm to gnaw on, it's fair game."
I recently treated myself by going to a movie theater after what seemed like a long hiatus for much of the year.
Streaming blockbuster movies from home, while convenient, has never made as much of an impact when compared to the moviegoing experience.
But after my recent trip to our local AMC, I'm beginning to think watching entertainment from the comfort of my quiet home is a much better option.
I forgot that a good majority of audience members are disrespectful and pretty much ignore all the rules—including no texting or talking during the movie.
The normal volume conversations and the number of lit screens from people's smartphone's in my peripheral vision throughout the movie were huge distractions.
Maybe as I'm getting older, my patience has worn thin, or I happened to have a particularly unpleasant experience. But seriously, how can anyone enjoy going to the movies when people are constantly updating their status inside a darkened auditorium?
It should illegal. Rant over.
I feel like if there is nothing after life, it just invalidates life. But maybe I'm just dramatic. I hope there is peace. Thoughts?
black and white two funerals GIFTogether...
"When we die, the whole world as seen by us, dies together with us."
"Yes it does. As does the entire universe. Only when we are alive can we experience the passage of time. The instant we die the entire universe will experience heat death and cease to be. It my take a million eons but since we can no longer experience time it will be relatively instantaneous."
- OkEbb749
Thanks Alan
"It's one of the great wonders of life: What will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up? And if you think long enough about that, something will happen to you. You will find out, among other things, that it will pose the next question to you: What was it like to wake up after never having gone to sleep? That was when you were born. You see, you can't have an experience of nothing. Nature abhors a vacuum. ~Alan Watts"
So Romantic...
"When I was much younger, I had a dream where I died. Not a typical dream, not a romanticized dream. It was a dream where I was an archer in a medieval battle. About 5 minutes into the battle, chaos was all around me, and I watched an opposing archer aim and loose an arrow straight into my left eye."
"I remember the sensation of impact, ringing in my ears, and falling to the ground. I remember the warmth of the blood on my face. The feeling of life leaving my body, and the sense of worry evaporating into warmth and peace as the world left behind me."
"I remember waking up shortly after thinking that the feeling and reality of that experience was so vivid and so detailed that it must have been an experience from a previous incarnation hundreds of years ago. From that moment on, I've never feared the actual process of death. I feel like I've experienced it many times before."
Erase
Computer Reaction GIFGiphy"I think one of your best friends delete's your browsing history."
"Take the hard drive out of my computer at home… Put it in the bath… And make sure it's completely wiped. -Tensai Slime"
If you love me... rule number one... HIDE THE EVIDENCE!!! Let that be heard far and wide. And dreams, always so intertwined aren't they?
Before & After
Happy Baby GIFGiphy"Exactly the same as before you were born."
- whumoon
"I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. -Mark Twain"
Moving On...
"We clean the bed and assign it to another patient."
"The REAL reason why nurses are so dark. 90 year old man in hospice got hit by a car on his way to get fitted for his funeral tuxedo, and didn't have a DNR. Kept him alive for four hours, and now it's time to document everything that was done to save his life because there will inevitably be a lawsuit from a family member who has had four years to say goodbye but somehow didn't get to."
Again...
"Play again?
Yes
[No]
I don't know what they mean or how to utilize them. I'm a Buddhist (but a gamer first and foremost) so it's cool you guys made those connections This totally makes up for r/movies continuously banning me."
Oblivion...
"I've answered this one before but here it is again. Either two things happen after you die: you either go somewhere or it's oblivion. If it is oblivion, then we're just going back to the same place before we were born and there's nothing wrong with that. We were there for billions or trillions of years, possibly infinity."
"You lose that concept of time since your brain doesn't work anymore so you don't even know it's over. It's not nothing because nothing would be something and that means that you are aware, which you can not be if you're dead. If we do go somewhere, then that's something no one understands because no one has ever come back to tell us."
"Those stories of people coming back after they "died" and "saw stuff" weren't really dead. Their hearts stopped but their brains were still working. If the Universe continues to recycle itself infinitely, then there's a chance we will be reborn or continuously reborn but have no memory of our previous selves."
- jamoh20
On Holiday
"When I was a kid I drowned while on holiday with my family, a giant fat man jumped in the pool on top of me and no one noticed till I was on the bottom of the pool. I remember the feeling of my lungs being on fire, then shivering then as everything was going dark a strange sense of peace and I was ok with it, No panic or terror then it went black."
"I was resuscitated at the side of the pool a few minutes later. I remember nothing from the black to being "alive" again. I was around 7 when it happened and since then I've been strangely at peace with the fact that one day I will die and slip into the dark void of nothingness. Hope that helps."
Popcorn?
500 days of summer cinema GIFGiphy"You wake up in a chair in a cinema and learn that the other are past lives of you and you're about to watch your next life very soon on the big screen."
The truth is none of us know the truth. We live everyday with the afterlife being a gamble. And that seems like it's going to have to be enough.
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