Life is hard.
The sooner we learn and embrace that fact, the better off we are.
It's going to be complicated most of the time and happiness comes in intervals.
So embrace happiness hard and fast.
Because joy can be sucked out of your life in the blink of an eye.
Not trying to be sour, just truthful.
Redditor Nolan asked about the times people were left with nothing but a frown:
"What stole your joy? Why do you not have the same zest for life that you once did?"
I feel like my joy was taken with age. But I'm a downer.
Evil Wins
I Did A Thing GIFGiphy"Knowing Bad people win. Not like in movies I enjoy watching. Heroes are silenced or killed early on and the scummiest die peacefully getting away with everything."
Distasteful-medicine
F the Big C
"Incurable, inoperable brain cancer at 36."
"Edit: diagnosed at 34, not 36."
aag3_throwaway
"Hey Hey, mine was at 30, still here 7 years later... no idea how long its been for you BUT although it was always on my mind pretty constantly for the first 4 years, now I have long periods of time (hours, a day) without really thinking about it (and not because of my brain friend chipping away at my memory)!"
Marmots_win
Long Lasting
"Chronic illness and chronic pain!"
frayedbrain
"8 years ago I ate some bad shrimp and got a 3 day long case of food poisoning... and then never got better."
"I've had an 8 year battle with ME/CFS and lost the majority of my 20s to it."
"The pain of knowing that no matter what I do, no matter what happens now, I can never get these years back, takes something from me that I can't explain in words, and knowing that it's going to take more of them is even worse."
flashley630
Passion into Work
"I turned my hobby into my profession. Now I don't have a hobby anymore and I enjoy doing what I do less now that I need to do it in order to get money."
Senappi
"I studied Physics and Astronomy because I had a passion for it as a child. The coursework was extremely difficult, which was okay. The gatekeeping attitude from professors and peers is what killed it for me."
"I was constantly reminded that I was not smart enough to be worth anything in the field. I completed my degree absolutely burnt out and devoid of my initial love. Years later I came back to astronomy as the hobbyist I initially was and accepted that I was much happier not trying to be a professional."
MajesticStars
Zapped
James Earl Jones Reaction GIFGiphy"Upon my husband's death, I learned he lived a double life and had given our savings and my children's college funds to his paramour. Fortunes come and go, but stealing 25 years of my life to live his lies, zapped my joy."
Additional_Ad5659
Death really is the worst. I hate death.
Pain
Headache I Cant GIF by Solomon RayGiphy"IIHC. Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension."
"Constant headaches, head pressure, Tinnitus, and vision issues."
"Idiopathic, means they don't know sh*t about anything. Just 'try these meds for 3 months and come back.'"
y5e06
It broke me...
"Loss... I lost my dad to cancer. This set off a lot of issues with my mom, depression, alcoholism, medicine abuse, and I was in a different city far away doing my master thesis. I was 23 and I don't have any siblings. It broke me. I used to go around with a smile on my face by default, but that disappeared."
"I've found lots of joy afterwards, but it sure was an experience I still suffer from."
MissNatdah
Being Able
"Being blind. Realizing no matter how good I become at something, able bodied people will and are better. Realizing that I can be an amazing something and never get anything more than you are good for a blind person."
Effective_Meet_1299
"F**k, that hit me hard. I am only half blind, and have mild cerebral palsy, but I've always been utter s**t at any physical activities. I started doing karate, and despite working hard for the past couple of years."
"There's still not a single mildly experienced able-bodied person I can defeat. I've lost all joy in it because I know I'll never be good enough. I'm too tired to even try anymore. And I know it'll be like that with any physical activity I try, which is absolutely crushing as I am a very competitive person by nature."
Karl_the_stingray
Tragedy
"Spouse and 3 kids died in an accident. People said it would take time to feel joy again, but it’s been over a decade now without much change."
"I enjoy little things from day to day now, but there’s no larger point anymore. Life is mostly just a chore."
lovely_ginger
"Halloween made 5 years since my wife and son died. She was 8 months pregnant. He was our first. He died 35 hours later in the NICU. You are absolutely correct. I don't have nor can I find 'big picture' happiness. Just the random day to day uptick that is welcome, but I know it is temporary."
A1A5KA
Hopeless
Frustrated Kill Me GIFGiphy"The realization that no matter what I do, no matter how many hours I work, I'll still never be able to get ahead. Working just to have little to nothing to show for it doesn't feel great."
FearlessVeritas
Well this is a lot. Why is joy hard? But we're rooting for you and your happiness, dear reader.
Do you have any "joy zaps" to add? Let us know in the comments.
Redditor 040607AJF wanted all the guys out there to share how they "feel" so they asked:
"Men of Reddit, what is something f**ked up that you're supposed to be okay with because you're a man?"
Gents, it's time to start healing and growing.
Go to sleep
Switch Off Good Night GIF by GunmaunofficialGiphy"Having sex whenever she's in the mood. And if I say no she thinks something wrong with her so you get pressured into doing it so she won't be mad or feel sad."
dabbiedabbiedoo
Grief
"30 year old male from India. Lost my dad 20 days back in an accident Relatives and well wishers spend time talking and pacifying mom/sister and listen to them with patience. To me before they leave- 'Now it's your responsibility to take care of your mom/sister' and nothing else."
"What about my grief of losing a parent? How do I handle it? Who is going to pacify me? Who listens to me? Without support from my wife and my friends, I could have gone insane the way people expect me to treat grief."
pgaravindhsf
Red Flags
"Depression and loneliness, as much as I wish I could say the support gotten better it hasn’t. I see the 'mens mental health awareness month' bulls**t all over social media for a day once a year but then nobody speaks about it. Being depressed or saying you’re lonely can often be seen as a cry for attention or a 'red flag' for partners."
"People on social media think posting some picture of 'We need to support our men in the world!' Is going help, it doesn’t. If you legitimately care about the men in your life’s mental health please reach out to them and ask how they’ve been. Don’t compare to them and don’t undermine them just understand them. It does so much for them."
Senior-Place-7627
“figure it out”
"The fact that a lot of men have no guidance and are supposed to just figure s**t out or just know yet people will treat you like s**t for not knowing."
DeepTalkTv
"When I was younger I was always told to 'figure it out' cause I’m a man. Every time I needed help whether it be homework, a flat tire, or something I genuinely needed help with like applying for college/fafsa I was turned away because it was my problem. Now if any family needs my help I’m demonized if I say no. Like wtf man I was taught not to bother y’all why are y’all bothering me?!?"
Mountain_Ad1797
911
Role Playing Reaction GIF by Hyper RPGGiphy"You can ask for my help, but I can't ask for yours."
spenser1994
Leave me be...
"Some women should understand that men can be 'not in the mood' as well. I don't know why many people think that men will never say 'no.' I saw many on Twitter, sadly both men and women, thinking that men are these cartoonish wolves that will start salivating and have their eyes turn into hearts when anyone mentions the word 'sex.'"
Inevitable_Count_370
Out of the Norm
"Getting weird judgment from others for not conforming to the ‘traditional’ male role in a marriage or family. My wife is a highly driven genius, makes a great living, and loves what she does. I’m full time in the arts, and I’m not completely dependent on her, but I don’t have traditional employment or make a lot of money."
"I’ve had people in my life (especially older people) throw shade at me for not being ambitious enough or not having a real career. But together we’re doing much better than okay, and I’m probably gonna be the main caretaker when/if we have kids. I feel that if she were a man and I were a woman, nobody would question it at all."
LovesRefrain
Mind Games
"We aren't taught how to deal with emotions. (Mental health too)."
"I'm not advocating for men to be super-soft emotional wrecks, or to cry five times a week. But man I wish I knew I wasn't 'wrong' or 'weak' or 'avoiding becoming a man' just because I was sad, depressed, anxious and trying to deal with past events."
Maestroifuplz
"So many women in my lifetime have acted like I’m not a strong guy because I show emotion. I have a big heart and I’m not going to change that for anyone. But I’ve had relationships take an immediate downturn when I showed any kind of sensitive side."
Gamur
A New Leaf
Bradley Cooper Teacher GIF by Legendary EntertainmentGiphy"That If I ever finish my AA and teach preschool that I’ll be seen as a threat to children."
bahardesty
"I have known two men attempt to enter the teaching profession. My advice is don't! It really is not worth your time."
raceAround126
Oh gents, we all still have a long way to go.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.
Curious to hear from those who struggle with the "what ifs" in their relationship, Redditor DinoNuggieVape asked:
"How do you cope with the fear of your partner cheating on you?"
A certain hobby is more likely to prevent wandering eyes.
Commitment To Knitting
"I’ve been cheated on by my only other long term partner beside my wife. I don’t worry about my wife because 1.) I trust her and 2.) having an affair would cut too much into her knitting time. Hell, I feel like 'the other man' when compared to yarn."
– JohnnyIsCross
Relatable Concern
"As someone who crochets, I’m sure this is how my partner feels 😂"
– shwee2019
Sew What?
"Mine sews. You're said the Perfect comment. I once complained to my wife about being second love. She sewed me a blanket, and it's now my most comfortable possession. Find the right one for you."
– BPGizza
Fixating on the possibility is the bigger problem, according to these love experts.
Stop Obsessing
"By coming to terms with the FACT that there is literally nothing you can do to control what another person chooses to do."
– Pairadockcickle
Find Your Self-Worth
"Too many people hang on to the idea of 'I can’t live without this person' love."
"Yeah, you can. Realizing you can exist on your own and be fulfilled. After that? You’ll realize you can survive a cheater."
– 5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor
Finding Independence In Love
"I can't live without this person"
"That's not love. It's obsession. Once you realize you don't need the other person to live, you can start to truly love them."
– Ch4l1t0
Fooled Once
"This. I had two partners (possibly three, not sure on the last one) that cheated on me. The first one I know for sure. It feels absolutely soul wrecking. So I do know how it feels. But I do also know the signs and what to look out for. Investigating phones or emails or listening for hushed conversations aside, the biggest tell tale is in the personality change. It happens 100% of the time. That is at least from talking to other people about it has led me to conclude anyway. You can always tell. And if you suspect, you could well be right."
"I'm not Mr. Paranoid or anything, but the reality is if she's going to cheat on you, then it's going to happen. There is nothing you can do, if it's going to happen, you can't control it. What you can control however is your reaction to it. And mine is very simple. End of relationship, block contact, see you later. The second time it happened to me, I didn't even offer an explanation. Her friend contacted me at some point asking why I had cold cut her out of my life and how it was so f'ked up of me to do so. I simply responded that I knew she was screwing someone behind my back, to which her friend replied, 'Oh you know about that? Well it really doesn't matter, it's you she wants!' I don't think I actually responded, I hung up."
"Getting past that business for the second time was remarkably easy. She had a few things left at my place which went into the bin, hoovered my house, cleaned the bathroom and kitchen, threw out the few bits in the fridge as I used to get some food items that she liked but I never used, total clean out. I didn't feel the need to go nail a new girl that instant, instead spent the evening playing some guitar and watched a movie. I was perfectly happy and was done with the whole thing in an evening practically."
– raceAround126
The pain cuts deep, but these Redditors learned to move on.
Trust Goes A Long Way
"I’ve been cheated on by every partner I’ve ever had. I just got married 6 months ago to the only person I’ve ever actually trusted. It comes natural which is crazy… i do have moments where i het intrusive thoughts at random like 'what if…' but i snap myself out of it and remind myself how truly trustworthy this man is and how i know he loves me. A lot of commenters seem to not understand that being cheated on can cause a type of ptsd. It’s something you just work through."
– tmtm1119
Lingering Trauma
"Agree, my ex cheated on me 16 years ago and I think I will always have some doubts. My wife, who I've been with over 12 years, has never once done anything that would make me think she would cheat on me, and I trust her completely, but that trauma from 16 years ago is is still there, rearing it's ugly head from time to time."
– BigSlade2001
I find that being obsessed with the possibility of one cheating on another can manifest in ways that jeopardize a solid relationship.
It's more important to appreciate being in the moment when something is going well, whether it's a relationship or anything else applicable.
Because fixating on the "what ifs" can take up a lot of energy that could be better spent on enjoying a healthy relationship.
While your instincts are usually reliable, always remember that communicating a doubt that is becoming an obsession is vital to sustaining a trusting and respectful relationship.
