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Parents Who Actually Regret Having Kids Share Their Reasons

Parents Who Actually Regret Having Kids Share Their Reasons
Benjamin Manley/Unsplash

Parenting is known to be one of the hardest jobs on earth. There's a major life shift from having freedom to do what you want to having to dedicate countless hours to raising your child and doing everything they need.

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. There isn't a manual that comes with the baby that tells you exactly what the next 18 years is going to be like. Most people seem to make it up as they go.

We wanted to know if there were parents out there that regret having kids and why they felt that way so we went to Ask Reddit for answers.


Redditor BlessedAFx777 asked:

"Parents who regret having kids:, why?"

Here are some reasons that might surprise you.

She wanted babies, not children.

"Some people should NOT have children even when they desperately want them. My mother intensely regrets having a normal child that actually grew up. My mother wanted babies, NOT children. She spent the first 30 years of my life ceaselessly punishing me for growing older and taking her baby away from her. We haven't spoken in over 20 years and I STILL have to hide from her online and IRL to avoid continued punishment."

- Limitless_Throwaway

"Gosh I know a woman like this and it's been very sad to watch. She bad two boys in quick succession into a marriage that was already bad. Once the boys got past baby and toddler age she lost interest. She then spent 8 years badgering her husband for another baby because she had to have a baby girl. She got what she wanted, baby girl, who she will lose interest in once she's past toddler age."

"The parents are both jerks and all three kids have lost out because of their selfish behaviour. Kids are not accessories to fix things in your life. If your marriage is bad, kids will make it worse,and they will also pay for it. It's so wrong. Needless to say said couple is currently divorcing."

- stuckwitharmor

Her daughter's life will be difficult.

"My daughter is severely disabled, to the point where she will never live a normal life. She can’t walk or talk, has a feeding tube and a wheelchair, is legally blind (she can see lights/shapes/colors, but that’s it) and has seizures from an unknown cause, and she’s 6. I’d say her mental development isn’t much more than a few months/to a year old at most. If I’d known that she would be born this way (she starting having seizures at 3 weeks old) I would have had an abortion the moment I found out I was pregnant."

"She was planned and wanted, and I regret her every day. Not that she isn’t a beautiful person, she’s got so much spunk and personality and she’s got my attitude, but I don’t think for a second that she deserves to live the life that’s been laid out for her. I wish I could do more for her."

- Kitteneater1996

"My sister is in the exact same position with her second. Severe physical defects due to unknown reasons. Constant trips to children’s hospital and no real answers."

"She has an older daughter who unfortunately is neglected for attention, and that’s causing it’s own problems. Her husband simply doesn’t get involved with any of it. Works hard to support them financially, but is disconnected emotionally."

"She loves her daughter, but also has the feelings sometimes that it would have been better for her to not have been born…or not to have lived."

- Crakkerz79

The social pressure.

"I had friends who regretted having kids. They told me it was the social expectation to get married and have kids, relatives pressured them into it and I guess they didn't have the strength to do what they wanted. They resented the loss of freedom, the work it takes, the cost. Their kids were horrible, too, due to bad parenting. Some people just shouldn't have kids and they knew they didn't want to, but felt obligated. Everyone loses."

- Redditor

"I'm the kid. My mom was pressured to have kids and was also made to feel like she shouldn't ask for help. She still openly resents us and holds grudges for things we had no control over. Every single time she complains about how much I cried as a baby from colic, she treats me as if I chose to be terrible to her personally. Childhood was toxic and she said and did some very damaging things to us. All we want is for her to own up to her choices and understand that as children we looked to as the example for how to behave. It will never happen but a girl can dream."

- sleepyonetwothree

They'll drain your bank account.

"My coworker has 3 kids, she is constantly telling me not to have kids because they are a drain on her bank account. She also never has free time after work or on weekends."

- strawberry-bubble

"Someone I know, entire time raising her kids: 'Do not have kids it is a huuuuuuge burden. seriously it will F*CK up your life.'"

"Now the kids are approaching middle age, 'Why did you not have kids? when will you marry? I want grand-kids!'
Kids are like NOPE lol."

- redditsavedmyagain

The sacrifices are huge.

"I love my son. He's 1.5 years old and currently sleeping in my arms, still knackered from Christmas eve."

"I wanted kids, I just grossly underestimated how relentlessly f*cking hard it is. It never stops. The sacrifice is absurd. If I want him to grow up right, I need to keep up those sacrifices for many years to come."

"We will not have another, on that we agree."

- Lamoron

"For what it's worth, my mother felt the same way with me at that age. But as I grew up and gained independence, she felt the sacrifice and time loss was greatly lessened. Obviously financially not much changes, but emotionally it grew easier. I hope it does for you, and wish your family all the best."

- caffeineshampoo

Had a kid too young.

"Had a son when I was 19. No condoms, no brain. Me and her were some promising teens, met in high school, top of the class, kept dating in college. When we found out she was pregnant I got jobs, started failing classes, eventually dropped out. She got her degree, got a job, had to quit, couldn't get another one."

"She was living with her parents, still does. Two brothers, three sisters, all of them judging me all the time, it wasn't easy for her either. It was hell, absolute hell. I deeply regret having a kid at that age."

"I constantly think about the life I wanted, the youth I will never have. It's all gone. I could read entire books in hours, debate with my professors, my English is crap but I learned all of it on my own. Had friends, quirky projects, silly goals and obsessions. And then I had to wash vomit and sh*t just to buy diapers."

"I hate my life so much. He's happy though, my son, a really warm kid, hugs me every time he sees me, even pulls jokes on me, the little. I do love him. I just wanted to be...me, for a while, just a little bit."

- MaeSolug

"I think you nailed why protection is so important. Young adulthood is arguably the freest period of your whole life. Having a kid early skips that entire chapter and forces you into full-blown adulthood early on."

"You can still love the kid deeply, but there’s no denying it sucks to be robbed of your remaining youth."

- thomthehipposlayer

"I'm sorry, friend. You've sacrificed a good portion of your life for someone else. The positive side is that you will still be young as your son gains more and more independence. It's not over for you."

- Impressive_Till_7549

The regret of losing her child.

"I had a daughter in 1985, she was my sunshine. Her dad and I had problems but who didn't, and they weren't bad problems, just 'getting married a bit too young' problems (he was 24 and I was 22 when she was born). And we had a good life, all that. And then when she was 7 she was diagnosed with AML, fought it for two years, and then passed away."

"After that, we split, got back together, developed addictions, fought, there was DV, on both sides, all of it. I got pregnant twice more but opted for abortions because I didn't want to ever lose a child that I loved again. He finally passed away ten years ago, so he's at peace now."

"But yeah, I regret every day having her. It was so good, it was like, I had it all, good kid, good husband, good life. And then it all went away in a minute. I'd rather have never had her than only been allowed to keep her a few years."

- Ok_Stargazer_333

There is no freedom.

"My life feels like it’s no longer mine. I feel as though I’m constantly under someone’s thumb now and the freedom I once had to say f*ck this, this isn’t making me happy, isn’t available to me anymore. Because what feels best for me isn’t necessarily what’s best for my family. It’s tough and I’ve had a hard time reconciling with that. Some days I feel like I’ve got this and everything will work out in time, but more often I find myself feeling pretty hopeless and that this life I’ve been trying to build and maintain for the good of my family is nothing but a ticking time bomb…"

"I do, however, want to make it clear that I love my family, and my struggles are in no way a reflection of them. I plan to speak to counselor about my feelings at the start of the new year, in the hope of finding new, healthy ways to cope. Parenting is not for everyone, and I wish I would’ve known this about myself before diving in head first, but I truly thought I would feel differently. Despite my feelings, I know that I have a responsibility to my child first and foremost. To give her a life that equips her for the road ahead, that allows her to be happy and know that despite my shortcomings, I love her very much."

- jsjames9590

Parenting isn't for everyone, and it sounds like the feeling of regret is pretty common. What we hope readers can glean from this is that the duality of regret and love for your child is okay, as long as you're still taking care of them the best that you can.

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People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.