Exhausted Zookeepers Reveal The Most Difficult Animals They Work With
Exhausted Zookeepers Reveal The Most Difficult Animals They Work With
[rebelmouse-image 18349005 is_animated_gif=As kids, many of us thought working in a zoo would be a dream job. And while people in the profession have a certain passion for it, it's still a job.
Reddit user AtariLynx asked "Zoo Workers of Reddit, which animal is the biggest jerk in your facility?"
Here's some insight into the life of a zookeeper.
Triggerfish
[rebelmouse-image 18349007 is_animated_gif=I used to work in an aquarium. By far the meanest fish there was the Queen Triggerfish. The divers who cleaned the shark tank had to start wearing hoods after she almost ripped one guy's ear off. After that incident we named her Tyson.
Chimpanzee
[rebelmouse-image 18349008 is_animated_gif=I'm the gardener at my local zoo and I learned pretty early on not to turn my back to the chimps while I'm working in the garden by their exhibit. The zookeepers give the chimps toys and various objects to play with and the youngest chimp has thrown most of it at me. She's thrown blankets, a pair of jeans, a rain boot, megabloks, dirt clods, a comb, sticks, rocks, bottles, poop, and once even a dead squirrel. She actually killed a squirrel that wandered into her enclosure and threw it at me. I've only ever been hit with a comb, thank goodness. I've dodged everything else she's thrown at me and once I even caught a megablok that she threw. She gets pissed when you catch what she throws. I'm not allowed to throw anything back because it would just encourage the behavior and I'd probably lose my job. I used to dread having to plant in that garden but I'm actually looking forward to going back in the spring and seeing that little jerk again.
Millipede
[rebelmouse-image 18349009 is_animated_gif=Worked at an aquarium which had a small terrestrials section where we did handling experiences. Giant millipedes are complete jerks! Working around salt water tanks meant your hands ended up very salty. If you hadn't washed every spec of salt off you these millipedes would chow down on you in seconds, sometimes drawing blood. I've still got a small mark on my hand from one big bite and of course we have to stay calm so not to scare the children from interacting with these animals.
Rhino
[rebelmouse-image 18349010 is_animated_gif=there was a rhino names Zeus. He was normally super chill and loved getting fed apples and slices of bread and scritches on the nose. Zeus LOVED water and he realized that he could use his horn as a shovel and dig a big pit at the edge of his enclosure and the nearby pond would flood it and he would have a little bath to play in. For whatever reason the zoo didn't like that so they had a digger come in and fill in Zeus' hole.
Anyhow, one day I finished cleaning his enclosure and he had this little kiddy pool in there so I was going to fill it up with water. I was standing on the outside of the enclosure (because rhino) and had a hose to fill his pool. He was watching me and as I started to fill the pool he came over to watch. As the pool started to fill, Zeus hooked his horn under the edge and flung the pool into the fence. It scared me senseless and water went everywhere. So I yelled at Zeus and he got all upset (believe it or not, rhinos are like dogs) and I reached in, flipped the pool over and started to fill it again.
Once again, as the pool started to fill, Zeus comes over and using his horn slams that into the fence. Now I'm really pissed and I reach my arm into the enclosure almost up to the shoulder to flip the pool but Zeus lunges for my arm and rakes his horn up the fence. I barely got out of there in time and landed on my a** in the dirt. Now I'm not mad, I'm worried. Because Zeus is never aggressive. So I go ask the keepers if they have ever seen this behavior before.
They start laughing and say "Oh yea, we forgot to tell you, he wants to play in the water from the hose. Let him do that for a bit and he'll let you fill the pool." Gee, thanks for that tid bit of late info.
So I go back and Zeus is standing there staring at me. I pick up the hose and aim it up in air and pull the trigger so it kind of rains on Zeus. I shit you not, this enormous Rhino starts to spin around and fling his head and dance. Like an excited dog. I'm standing there with my mouth hanging open because I have never seen anything like it. Once there was enough water to make some mud Zeus started rolling around and forgot all about the pool, which I was able to flip and fill.
Otters
[rebelmouse-image 18349011 is_animated_gif=Otters were kept with the wild pigs for some reason. They harassed the living sh*# out of those pigs. Pig would be minding its own business, trying to eat from a pile of food. Otters would circle around him, taking turns running up and pulling his tail and running away. Pig would turn around and try to charge one, but the otters were too quick and would just scatter. I waited a while to see if they would quit, or what would happen if the pig would get one, but they never stopped, and the pig never got one.
Geese
[rebelmouse-image 18349012 is_animated_gif=The geese are pure evil.
We have a gang of Canada geese that roam our village of roughy 2,000 people and terrorise the living hell out of anything not goose shaped. They're legitimately a menace. They chase people and wreck cars and honk at anything that comes near them. It was like some sort of gang. People used to hit them with cars every now and then because they'd charge into the road. It was a sad day when another goose terrorist went down. Live fearless, brave souls.
Lemur
[rebelmouse-image 18349013 is_animated_gif=I had a friend who worked at a wildlife rescue and he always had trouble with the lemurs. The male would get aggressive whenever he came in and he'd have to stamp his feet on the ground to run him off. One day he was bending over to pick something up and the male pounced on his head and turned into a flurry of teeth and claws. He got back to the office and his head was pouring blood. He grabbed a couple towels for the blood and went to the ER to get a tetanus shot. From that point on two people had to go into the lemur enclosure at a time.
Hippos
[rebelmouse-image 18349014 is_animated_gif=The hippos at our zoo will defecate on their tails and helicopter it all over people.
Parrots
[rebelmouse-image 18349015 is_animated_gif=Volunteered at wildlife rehab where the specialty was birds. The biggest a-holes where definitely Amazon parrots. I mean all Psittacines are jerks but Amazons have evil in them.
There was this one male who was huge and liked getting in fights and generally antagonizing the keepers. So once they were kept in separate cages because we were collecting feces samples and I go to change their food/water. Everything goes well until I get to his cage. He seems to notice that I wanted to take his stuff so he decides to sit his fat green self on the front of the door staring at me, you know the casual "touch this and you lose your fingers" look parrots have. So I manage to distract him and quickly scoop out his bowls. Change his food and water and get them inside the cages without any problems.
Except there was no support for his water bowl so it's on the cage floor, which is a grave mistake. He puts his foot on the edge of the bowl while staring at me with that empty look devoid of good only birds have and tips it over. And then laughs loudly because parrots think it's fun to mess with humans.
King Snake
[rebelmouse-image 18349016 is_animated_gif=I have been working in reptile farms over the years.
My jobs have various snake species that are large and bitey, but nothing venomous. While snake hooks are always around they are rarely used because after a while you just get used to being bitten and learn how to work with the animal and read its body language.
The exception to this was a single female Florida King Snake. She was permanently angry. It didn't matter if she had been fed, if she was breeding, if you were giving her water, or if you just walked past her cage, she was in a constant state of aggression. We did leave a snake hook by her cage because as soon as it was opened she would immediately start striking and hissing. After two or three strikes she would start getting even more angry and would start getting excessively posed, to the point where she would lean so far back she was practically upside down before striking. As soon as you closed the cage and walked away you could heard the thuds of her still striking and hitting the front.
Elephants
[rebelmouse-image 18349017 is_animated_gif=I was an intern at a zoo about ten years ago... Elephants are basically six ton toddlers. Three year-olds that can murder you during a tantrum... the one there would get upset if you didn't say good morning to her. She threw a rock at a night watchman for not saying hi, broke his ribs... She once shattered the windshield to the hay truck with a rock because it drove too fast past her enclosure. She threw a log at a keeper because they were cleaning up branches after a storm and didn't notice her trying to help and hand them one.... so she threw it at them. She got mad one day after her friend passed away from old age and tried to throw a keeper through the fence.... Basically, elephants are just hyper-emotional three year-olds with a mean streak...
Ravens
[rebelmouse-image 18349018 is_animated_gif=Ravens are too smart for their own good. They were always supplementing their food with popcorn or other snacks from zoo visitors. They would barter with the wild ravens for different foods, so you could never keep them on the diet they were supposed to be on. They also liked to play a game where they would corner the keeper. They'd hop around their perches while you cleaned, but if you weren't careful you'd end up cornered and have to walk underneath one of them. When you did, they'd try to poop on you...
Turkeys
[rebelmouse-image 18349019 is_animated_gif=The damn turkeys. I hated those f'ing turkeys.... Hated them. Turkeys are a-holes. Don't you ever feel bad for eating one because I guarantee he probably deserved it. And the president pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving? No. F' that. Kill it and eat that son of a b$#@ because he's probably plotting your death right now....
Monkeys
[rebelmouse-image 18349020 is_animated_gif=Monkeys definitely. A while ago we had a little Capuchin monkey who learned how to leave his enclosure and went at night to sip some whiskey from a nearby apartment. It happened for quite some time since he always returned back before we noticed. He was caught when he become to greedy and entered the kitchen to grab some snacks.
Lions
[rebelmouse-image 18349021 is_animated_gif=When I worked at Chester Zoo I was always so uncomfortable being near the lion enclosure on my own (especially early in the morning). Once I had to get there at 6am and I was the only one around, walked past the lions and couldn't see them, so I stepped a bit closer to try and get a better look, suddenly the large male leapt up from just inside the fence where he had been obstructed by some tall plants and he roared deafeningly loudly in my face. I nearly poo'd myself.
Goat
[rebelmouse-image 18349022 is_animated_gif=We had a Cretin Goat that was hand reared, so it was put in the children's petting zoo. As it got older it turned into more and more of a jerk. This goat started bullying the kids by gently approaching them until they it was close enough to be pet. It would put its head against the kids then try to push them over. But worse than that, is it really hated old ladies. It just straight up charged and rammed old ladies. After a few knock downs, it became apparent what a jerk it was.
We moved the goat to an off exhibit 3/4 acre enclosure on a hillside. I was doing some work in the enclosure with a coworker of mine before we found out about this particular goat. She stayed at the bottom of the hill to check out the animals while I was doing work up top. I looked down and she was hiding in the barn waving at me. I thought it was weird but just kept on working. Then, this goat comes up and starts pushing into me. I thought it was just being aggressive with wanting to be pet.
Nope.
Little shit was sure footed on that hillside, planting it and trying to push me over. I slipped a few times but it was more an annoyance at that point. What changed was when this goat started dropping his head in front of my thighs and jerking it up backwards, seemingly trying to impale me with its horns. I repeatedly had to grab its horn with one hand, while carrying my equipment in the other. Then it would scamper off and come back with another head push and attempted stabbing every 10 feet I made down the hillside.
When I met with my coworker at the bottom, she told me it got aggressive and charged her. She was waving to try and warn me. After that we mentioned the goat to the keeper. He laughed and proceeded to tell us several stories about what a jerk this goat was.
I'll always remember that goat.
Terns
[rebelmouse-image 18349023 is_animated_gif=I did marine wildlife and birding tours. Every spring when the Orcas came north into our bay they'd come up to the boat to check it out and say hi. They'd rub up against the boat and swim around. We'd let kids touch their fins, they were quite docile. The only animal we were EVER attacked by was Arctic Terns.
Terns are really small for seabirds but they are jerks. They are so aggressive because, for who knows why, they build their nests on the ground rather than in trees. There are trees around, they could use the trees to build nests in. But no, they'd rather just terrorize anyone who makes the mistake of coming near their nest. Foxes, weasels, people, bears, whatever. Terns will attack you.
One day we were watching an Arctic Tern chasing an eagle around at least a mile off shore. A tourist on our boat was trying to capture it with a telephoto lens, and the tern didn't like this guy's attitude so it tried to peck a $2000 lens to pieces.
Chickadees
[rebelmouse-image 18349024 is_animated_gif=Have worked in various wildlife rehab/research facilities, including a bird sanctuary where we did mist-netting (setting up very fine nets between trees to catch songbirds) and banding of wild birds for research/population counts. Handled everything from thrushes to woodpeckers to crows to sparrows...and the biggest jerks?
F'ing CHICKADEES.
Most of the birds were scared or curious when we took them out of the nets. The chickadees? Were f'ing pissed. There was something bizarrely respectable about it. Here I am holding a bird smaller than the palm of my hand whose head I could crush with my f'ing thumb, and it's going, "You may be bigger than me but if you don't let me go I will rip your f'ing cuticle off."
Bats
[rebelmouse-image 18349026 is_animated_gif=Right now it's the short tailed leaf nosed fruit bat.
I'm an intern in a well known zoo. We have a wet cave filled with probably 1,000 of these f'ers. The door is surrounded by a wire cage. When we go to feed them we just let the door open and let the bats fly in the cage. When we leave we have to heard them into the cave. As an intern I'm not allowed to touch them. So I put my hand up by them to guide them.
Except they don't like that and they'll fly right in my face and hover there for a few minutes.
One day I was by myself doing it and one of the little f'ers would not get in the damn cave. I stood there for like 10 minutes doing jazz fingers and he just hung there.
Jerk.
Swans
[rebelmouse-image 18349027 is_animated_gif=Swans are pure devil spawn.
They want to kill anything that moves near them. Sweet harmless baby ducks born on the pond? Initiate murder instinct. Man who feeds me and cleans my awful poop everyday? Start up the murder protocol.
Even the dumbest of invertebrates knew that we fed them and would be kinder. Swans see you bringing them food from across the park and are furious that "YOU STOLE MY FOOD I NEVER HAD AND PUT IT IN THAT BUCKET YOU'RE BRINGING TOWARD ME AND I AM GOING TO BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THIS GROUNDHOG NEAR ME BECAUSE OF IT, AND THEN TRY TO MURDER YOU."
Swans are the worst.
Zebras
[rebelmouse-image 18349028 is_animated_gif=Zebras are jerks. Our zebras shared an exhibit with the giraffes. We had a giraffe platform where visitors could feed the giraffes carrots, grain, and other goodies (according to the giraffe diet, of course). The zebras wanted the goodies and would kick the giraffes so the giraffes would drop their food, then the zebras would eat it.
Octopus
[rebelmouse-image 18349029 is_animated_gif=THIS ONE F'ING OCTOPUS.
I was volunteering at an aquarium in the cephalopod section. One day the power was out, so we were on backup generators and we were running all over to make sure everything necessary to keep the animals alive was still running. The tanks where we kept the giant pacific octopuses (these octopuses are about 8 or 9 feet across) didn't have a solid top to close it up - instead the top portion of the tank is covered by astroturf. Octopus suckers can't work on astroturf, so they can't climb out. In theory.
This b*%# jams herself into the water outtake in her tank while no one is paying attention. Water keeps going in, but none can get out. She makes a f'ing waterfall out of the tank and tries to ride it to freedom. We caught her just after she flopped onto the floor.
They're just too f'ing smart.
Wallaby
[rebelmouse-image 18349030 is_animated_gif=A hand-raised wallaby named Wallace Montgomery. He was hand-raised (translation: f'ing psycho) and then given to us when he became a wee bit overwhelming for his previous caretaker.
Feeding time? Prepare to be be gouged by his razor sharp nails, bit on your softest parts, and the bowl WILL be knocked out of your hands.
Cleaning time? He will grab your rake and shovel, hit you with them, and kick you when you bend down to pick up your stuff.
Trying to give him fresh straw to sleep on? Nope. He shredded the bag it came in. He kicked the fresh straw into the yard. He picked up the dirty pissy straw and rubbed it all over you.
I love him immensely. Fun fact: if you pick him up mid-tantrum, he will lay his head on your shoulder and give you three solid minutes of snuggles before recommencing your attempted murder.
Cassowary
[rebelmouse-image 18349031 is_animated_gif=Cassowary. If anyone need to into their enclosure there had to be two others in riot gear. Nothing makes you poop yourself more than scrambling behind the shields and hearing the karate kick of the gods smashing a shield behind you.
I'm 100% certain velociraptors still exist and they just pretend to be these a-holes when they lose their teeth.
Tortoises
[rebelmouse-image 18349032 is_animated_gif=Aldabra tortoises. They have an outdoor pen, but obviously they are stuck in a smaller indoor enclosure during the colder months.
They won't leave you the f- alone. I was watering the plants at one point, when two big males came up behind me and pinned me to the wall. I pinwheeled my arms and fell onto one's back...sort of got to ride him.
Other times, the decide to sit RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR. So you're stuck until you convince them to move. You certainly aren't going to move 500 pounds of tortoise on your own.
If you put a squeegee against the wall, the simply HAVE to knock it over and sit on it.
Got the hose out? Yup. Gotta sit on it.
Bringing out food? Sit right in the f'ing feed troughs.
When you've been alive since before the Civil War, you tend to sit a lot.
Galapagos Tortoises. There's a teaching zoo near where I live, and a few years back they had to evacuate due to a wildfire. Afterwards the local paper did a piece on it and interviewed the people who had to evacuate the animals. They have lions, water buffalo, cougars, hyenas, all kinds of large animals. Which was the hardest to evacuate?
The Galapagos tortoise. He is enormous, bad-tempered, and much more difficult to train than most of the other animals. Getting him out of his enclosure and onto a truck was apparently quite the challenge, especially given the short time-frame they had for evacuation.
That Galapagos Tortoise was like, "F- you. I knew Charles Darwin. Charles Darwin was a friend of mine. You, zookeeper, are no Charles Darwin."
Honey Badger
[rebelmouse-image 18349033 is_animated_gif=A popular wildlife rehabilitation centre in South Africa called Moholoholo has arguably the world's most famous honey badger, called Stoffel. Now I am sure none of you need an introduction to how f'ing savage these animals are, but this particular b&#%* has actually featured on multiple TV shows because of his antics.
In the first few years of his life at the centre, he dug his way into the Lion enclosure TWICE and attacked the alpha male of the pride both times.So the Honey Badger actually has this incredible survival mechanism - their skin is really tough and really loose. When the lion clamped his jaws around Stoffel, he was actually able to rotate his skeleton within the skin and turn around to bite the lion on the nose. After the lion dropped him, Stoffel continued to terrorize the pride but none of them wanted to be anywhere near him. I think eventually they had to tranquilize him so they could treat his wounds.
When he kept digging his way under the wall of his enclosure, it had to be rebuilt 2 metres deeper into the soil. When he opened up cracks in the concrete and escaped, those had to be covered with metal sheet. When he used rocks/sticks to create a tower and climb over the wall, they removed them... only for him to steal a zookeeper's broom and climb out using that.
(Rehab centre worker) Brian said he woke up to Stoffel scraping at the door, so he grabbed a 10,000 Volt stun gun from his cupboard and zapped the honey badger with it... Stoffel didn't move. Didn't even flinch. Brian says he just got angrier and started growling. He had to climb out of the window and lock all the doors while they formulated a plan to contain this b&#%*.
I know many more stories of his antics, but my favourite is how after years of living on his own they decided to find him a female companion to join him in the enclosure. First thing Stoffel did?
Stood on her head and used her to climb over the wall.
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Things That Scream 'I Make Bad Financial Choices'
Reddit user Safe_Space7230 asked: 'What screams, "I make poor financial choices"?'
A huge part of adult life is learning to be financially responsible.
This means, keeping track of the money you earn and where it comes from, making a budget plan or at least budgeting in your head, and never spending more than you have, even if you think you'll be coming into some extra money soon.
In college, I bought a ticket for a Broadway play I wasn't even that keen on seeing just because my best friend wanted to go. Buying my ticket would clean me out for the month, but since my birthday was the following week, I figured I'd get some money from my dad, who had been gifting me money instead of a material possession since I was 12.
Well, my birthday came and went, my dad decided to give me a gift card to a bookstore, which was a nice thought, but useless at the time, and I had to ask my friends for loans just to buy groceries that month. I lived above my means that month, which was a terrible experience, but it taught me to be smarter when it comes to finances.
Redditors know all to well how easy it is to make poor financial choices, and sometimes never learn your lesson, and they are ready to share their experiences.
It all started when Redditor Pitiable-Crescendo asked:
"What was the most disappointing movie you paid to see?"
That Stinks!
"My friend's roommate once asked him to borrow money so he could order novelty fart-smell spray from Amazon, instead of waiting for his paycheck."
"There are worse financial choices than going into debt for a can of fart spray, but it's certainly the funniest one I've heard."
– The_Lawn_Ninja
"Well, to be fair, how good was this fart spray?"
– Mercurial8
Worse And Worse
"Driving a very expensive car with tons of body damage because all their money is going to their $800 a month car payment and they can’t afford to fix the damage they caused with their sh*tty driving."
– Eyfordsucks
"I had this exact conversation with my friend today, if you cant afford to fix your car, you probably shouldn't be owning a 2022 60k Mercedes."
– Windir666
"You don’t even deserve it if it’s beat up after a year!"
– mclarensmps
Trust, No Trust
"My wife’s siblings each just received a 117k disbursement from their mothers trust. So far one brother who doesn’t own a home nor a pension plan and is 55 went out and bought a brand new Harley Davidson Full bagger bike. The other brother, who was homeless three months ago is shopping for a Dodge Charger. He is 65 and can’t afford to retire. Her three sisters haven’t made any big purchases yet.It is tough to watch knowing how hard my in-laws worked to leave a little money for the siblings."
– edawg660
"I'm sure this is exactly why your wife's mother left all that money in trust in the first place."
– malogan82
They Can Be Cute Without That
"Designer shoes and jewelry on your infant."
– GenX-1973-Anhedonia
The Lap Of No Luxury
"I worked as a bank teller many many years ago."
"One of my semi-regular customers (Doctor) would come to deposit checks from some pharmaceutical company that he got for prescribing so much of their sh*t. I'm talking 20k, 30k checks that he'd get from them every quarter."
"Anyways, he was making really good money as a Doctor, because his monthly pay that he was getting from the hospital was around 35k net. So I figure he was making 50-60k a month, gross."
"His account was always empty though. You'd be shocked at how much money they spend on stupid sh*t."
"$800 DirecTV bill."
"$1300 bill to the local country club."
"$750 landscaping bill."
"$2500 car payments."
– alwaysmyfault
"I’m not surprised at all. It’s very common for people to live outside their means."
– appyness67
The Better The Job...
"Unfortunately, it is a hard one to answer."
"I used to work in the banking/mortgage industry in Canada 18 yrs ago and this one stuck with me, and I have seen both sides of the coin."
"Example 1- early 30's married couple both doctors. Finally making some money but large student debt. A nice, big rented house with 2 nice cars (prorsche and lexus, leased). No kids and multiple vacations every year. They tried to get a mortgage, and they didn't qualify for anything."
"Example 2- early 30's married couple with a child. Both working decent 60k jobs. Currently renting a modest place with 1 car. No vacations and had some savings. They qualified for a 500k mortgage and were ecstatic. While in the process of telling them that that was their maximum threshold, they stopped me and said, "we try not to live beyond our means so we can hopefully own one day.""
"It was at that moment that I realized that because you have something, it doesn't mean you own something."
– mpah78
"I was in the mortgage game for a while too. It’s crazy how many peoples finances didn’t match what you would assume by looking at their life from an outside perspective."
"The amount of people who were doctors/lawyers and felt they deserved the good life but really had too much debt to live like it was noticeable"
"As well as the blue collar types who saved and saved and never really change their lifestyle at all."
"It’s also crazy how bad at personal finance doctors were. Whenever I heard “we are both doctors” I would wince. One of them was gonna have a bananas credit score with every card maxed out."
"Or anyone with a new fully loaded Nisan titan."
– Small-Cauliflower-37
Live For The Now...
"People who refinance their home in order to take a vacation. You took a week off and only thirty years to pay for it. Brilliant idea, bozo."
– 710AshburyStreet
"Guy I know took a 25k loan on his house to go on on vacation for a month with his family."
"Said you only get to live once. the thing is he went on vacation back to his birth country, and wanted to live large so people think he's successful"
– Fr33z3n
Nothing Lasts Forever
"Going into debt for a wedding."
– alterperspective
"This is so true. A close friend is still paying off her wedding but the marriage ended last year."
– armyofsnarkness
No Joke
"Making payments on a tattoo."
– Queen_of_Trailers
"I met a woman on a dating app once that had a number of tattoos. She had a low income job so I wondered how she could afford them. Turns out she was on a payment plan with the tattoo studio....I was like yeah, no thanks."
– working_class_tired
"Wait, what?! This is actually a thing?! I thought it was just a Jeff Foxworthy joke from the 90's. Holy sh*t, people actually do this..."
– ifnotmewh0
"TIL you can set up payment plans for tattoos and that’s enough learning for me today."
– watudo22
Pika Pi!
"I spent over 80$ tryna win a giant pikachu and failed"
"Could have bought that thing for 34$ but it was well worth it"
– Nolifelolwhat
Save Money, Buy A Car
"Drives a Maserati, but works as a fitness trainer and is in six figures in student loan debt"
– RosemarySaraBlack
"Reminds me of my cousin who lives with his folks, along with his wife and their baby. Apparently, he’s saving so much money on rent that he went out and bought a $65K Tesla. His folks were a little miffed about that, haha."
– BringYourSpleenToYa
I would be miffed too!
Do you have any stories? Let us know in the comments below.
Small talk and gossip have a funny way of impacting the information that we receive and what we feel about it.
So much so, we sometimes accept events or concepts as fact because we've heard the information so many times.
Redditor Emma_Mendoza_ asked:
"Historians, what historical fact does everyone believe in, even though it is not fully proven?"
Textbook Records
"I think many people don't understand that the history taught in schools is sort of a middle ground that historians found during vehement discussions. In particular when it comes to poorly documented events historians tend to present them in a reasonable narrative by biding points that make for a nice story."
"In reality, much of that was very random and didn't make any sense. Later, historians label something e.g. 'renaissance' by inventing the word that is supposed to explain those random events. One thing that struck me... was that the fall of the Western Roman Empire was not a dramatic event for Romans."
"It just happened after decades of unfortunate events. To Romans the day Odeaker removed the emperor was just another political turmoil at the top... much as those that happen daily in your country and go unnoticed."
- TraditionalCherry
Boudica, Who?
"Boudica, the famous Celtic warrior queen who led an uprising to protect Britain from Rome... may not have existed."
"All accounts of her existence come from Roman historians such as Tacitus and Cassius Dio who not only had never stepped foot in Britain but were born after the event took place."
"Tacitus' account came from what he was told by his father-in-law, Agricola, who was stationed in Britain during the time of the event. Cassius Dio's account of the event is far more colorful in its description, but also far more likely to have been fabricated."
"That being said, there is archaeological evidence to suggest some truth to the tale. In both accounts, Boudica and her army are said to have sieged the Roman capital of Camulodunum (now Colchester) and razed it to the ground. There is a burn layer in the city of Colchester that is dated to the year that the revolt took place."
"Also in Tacitus' accounts, the rioters were said to have raided the city's Temple of Claudius and violated the statue of Claudius by beheading it and throwing it into the River Alde. In 1907, the head of a bronze statue depicting Claudius was found in the village of Rendham, downstream from the River Alde."
"So while we lack any material evidence that directly confirms Boudica's existence, we do at least have evidence to suggest that there was a civil disturbance within Roman Britain during the time that her revolt took place."
"Nevertheless, she served an important role in both Tacitus' and Dio's narratives through her alleged speeches to her armies, in which she directly criticized the rule of Emperor Nero (and emasculated him) and the state of Roman society due to its overindulgences. Despite being a female barbarian warrior, she is valorized in the narrative by being given traits that are masculine, heroic, and civilized, embodying the Roman ideal more so than Rome itself under Nero's rule."
"In that sense, there is a likelihood Boudica may have existed to some extent, but the popular narrative around her serves more as a contemporary Roman propaganda piece than an accurate historical narrative."
- LexGonGiveItToYa
Height Is All Perspective
"Napoleon was average height for his time, it's just the average back then is smaller than today which caused us to think he was small for some reason."
- jolankapohanka
"That, and French feet and inches were slightly longer than the English ones. Which the English knew. But it made for good propaganda to not properly translate his measurements and instead claim he was short."
- ElNakedo
Titanic-Sized Truths
"A couple of truths about the Titanic:"
"People saying it was 'unsinkable' was a reflection of shipbuilding at the time. People would have described any modern ocean liner that way, and there was nothing particularly special or unique about the Titanic (in terms of safety)."
"Bruce Ismay being the villain of the story and pressuring Smith to speed up is based on the testimony of only one passenger so it's disputed if such a conversation ever occurred. Ismay denied it (for whatever that might be worth) and there are also many other factors that suggest that it would not have happened, or if it did, Ismay was pleased with the time they had already made as opposed to suggesting they go faster."
- KavyenMoore
The Truth About Archimedes
"Since the new 'Indiana Jones' movie brought it up:"
"No, Archimedes probably did not invent a death ray by using a giant magnifying glass. Although it is attested to in historical sources, the fact that it’s impossible under the known laws of physics suggests it is probably an exaggeration."
- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
The Rasputin Treatment
"Rasputin was not the lover of the Russian Queen, he simply knew how to treat hemophilia, which Prince Alexei suffered from, and was thus given direct access to the Royal Family. The royal court hated that this strange-looking religious weirdo with no nobility had such massive influence over the Royal Family, so a rumor that he was secretly banging the Tsarina was spread as an attempt to get the Tsar to remove him from the court."
"He couldn’t actually even TREAT hemophilia, he just made everyone stop making it worse."
"The doctors gave the boy aspirin, which made him bleed more, which freaked out his mom who had terrible anxiety and other mental problems, which the boy picked up on and freaked out further. Rasputin didn’t allow him to take aspirin and calmed his mother down, and that’s all it took to keep the boy in good health."
- theoriginaldandan
This Is More Than Sparta
"There were way more Greek warriors than just the 300 Spartans during the battle of Thermopylae."
- ascootertridingataco
Not 'Et Tu Brute'
"Caesar's last words were not, 'Et tu Brute?'"
"That line was created by William Shakespeare."
"Caesar's actual last words are not known but it is speculated they were Why this is violence. After Senator Tullius Cimber grabbed his toga down just as the assassination was beginning."
"Though even those words must be taken with a grain of salt."
- Lizzy_Of_Galtar
The Truth About King Tut
"King Tut is only relevant because his tomb is the only one that was not extensively robbed."
- Peyyton01
"Not robbed until the 1920s anyway."
"I've heard the reason for that was because he was such an insignificant pharaoh that reigned for such a short time that people forgot where his tomb was."
- ST616
"His tomb was placed in the valley of the Kings where rubble was piled on top of and the yearly floods brought more unintentional burying with it. I did see somewhere that his tomb was below the workers' lunch/rest area."
"They now know that whatever he died of was a surprise as his tomb wasn't even finished as there were still brush marks in the plaster on the walls whilst painting. Additionally, they're unsure if his sacrifices used was intended for him, but that's another thing altogether."
- enchantedspoons
"He wasn't a notable Pharaoh, and if anything, one that ancient times would have pitied/loathed."
"It's definitely the uniqueness in the tomb and the preservation rather than him being an important historical figure in Ancient Egypt."
- thetightestchungus
The Fall of the Library of Alexandria
"That the texts in the Library of Alexandria held some sacred knowledge that is lost forever and would change the way we look at the world if we knew what's inside."
"But, we DO know what was inside. 80%-90% of the Library of Alexandria was copied and spread throughout Africa and the Middle East by the time it had burned down."
- ItsADepature
"Saying the Library of Alexandria was lost to a fire itself is also wrong. The Library of Alexandria was actually multiple libraries within the city, and only one of which famously burned and most scrolls were actually saved. The truth is the Library of Alexandria wasn’t lost to a raging fire; it simply fizzled out over the centuries..."
"Interest in the libraries waned, rulers cut funding, buildings fell into disarray and/or were converted for other uses, etc. It’s just far more dramatic to say that a huge chunk of the world’s knowledge was lost to a fire; propaganda that became “truth” over the last 2000 years."
- casual_creator
The Writing of 'The Odyssey'
"People believe that Homer was an actual living person who composed the entire 'Odyssey.'"
"There's no historical proof of his existence. It's entirely possible he's either a composite of many different storytellers or a mythical figure himself (the blind bard)."
- chipdriver
Lost in Translation
"I'm not a historian, per se, although I read a lot about ancient civ/history."
"Just found out today that Virgin Mary might just be the accidental mistranslation of a word hundreds of years after the original writings. And that's if you even take scripture seriously to start."
"Apparently in a translation from one language to another, the word for 'young and nubile' was swapped for a word meaning 'virgin' and the entire Virgin Mary arc started as a result."
"If true, it's wild."
- AVBforPrez
Numerical Translations
"Everyone in the Heian era in Japan (who was not an aristocrat or clergy) was a farmer first and foremost. This belief originates from records labeling all those people farmers (new theories suggest that the term's meaning shifted over time) and taxes being paid in rice."
"Again, recent discoveries indicate common practices like exchanging the goods brought in yearly for their value in rice and then accepting the rice as tax. We are fairly certain that this was done to balance the books and in actuality the farmers submitted their goods and the authorities wrote the complicated exchange process down but never actually carried it out for the sake of efficiency."
"This leaves the issues of rice fields, as the legal framework required everyone to keep and tend a certain area of rice fields. The reality suggests that most profitable businesses paying their tax on other goods had lower farm yields than most. The question here becomes whether they engaged in other means of accumulating value because they only had bad soil or whether they simply neglected the assigned fields."
"If the former is the case we can be somewhat certain that the society was (at least in its own perception) primarily farming-based. If the latter is the case (as is the consensus among many historians right now, but not in school books or among the Japanese general population) it seems Japan was more advanced at that point than previously thought."
"I tend to think that they were initially based around a mostly subsistence economy with a feudal-adjacent system but evolved into a normal feudal society (by relaxed standards) fairly soon. Still, historically almost everyone believes in the subsistence idea, despite evidence slowly accumulating against it."
- RoamingArchitect
The Truth About Calvary
"Obligatory not a historian, but a pre-historic archaeology student who has used this opportunity to research quite a bit of medieval history too."
"That cavalry only ever attacks from the rear or sides, and that frontal-charging infantry with cavalry is almost suicidal for horses."
"This I believe is a myth originating from what amounts to balancing decisions in wargames."
"While it is true that frontal charging with cavalry is tricky, it is still relatively common. During certain periods it was more common than in others. One of the most prominent instances of frontal-charging cavalry was the Latin European culture of the Middle Ages (High Middle Ages in particular). Their mounted knight's frontal-charged infantry for hundreds of years, to generally great effect too."
- ThisOneForAdvice74
Through word of mouth and entertainment, there are certain stories that have been so powerful, they're simply accepted as fact from the beginning.
What's amazing to think about is how they're never contested after being heard for so many years.
When I was 11, I developed a crush on a boy who was obsessed with X-Men comics. Wanting something to talk about, I told him I loved the X-Men, and was dying to read the issue he had on his desk, which I knew was new only because my brother was into X-Men and I was the one who took him to the store to purchase it.
The boy seemed pretty impressed and asked me who my favorite X-Men was. I said Wolverine since he was the only one I knew. The boy agreed with my opinion.
That night, I looked up biographies and power descriptions of a bunch of X-Men characters so I would be able to discuss the characters with him the next day. However, the next day, he didn't want to discuss the characters, but the events of the newest issue. He asked me if I had read it, I stupidly said yes, and he asked me what my favorite part was.
I was literally saved by the bell, as class ended at that moment, but the lie seriously backfired. I ended up never speaking to that boy again because I could not get trapped in another X-Men conversation. I never lied to a crush again.
I'm not alone in this. People lie about being interested in all sorts of things -- sometimes really dumb things -- to impress a crush or date. Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their stories.
It all started when Redditor Adventurous-Ebb6556 asked:
"What is the dumbest thing you have pretended to be interested in because you wanted to date someone?"
Shouldn't Have Lied
"Going antiquing"
"Now we’re married, and we go every weekend"
"Help"
– Hoyle33
"Ah yes, is your home also filled to the brim with things that we will "resell someday""
"I think I have about 10 antique tables in my basement"
– vikingArchitect
A Crazy Route To Success
"Law. She was telling me about working for her dad's law firm during college and she was going to sign up for a Princeton Review LSAT course. I had good grades, a double major that had no career options other than professor in both, so I signed up for the LSAT class to study with her. Ended up getting a full ride to a school that rejected her and she broke up with me. This upcoming Monday I'm scheduled for maybe my 150th jury trial (if I had to guess how many I've done over 15 years)."
– SpiceLaw
"This is reverse Legally Blonde"
– Particular-Sink7141
"illegally brunette?"
– TH3_V3GAS
The Guitar Was More Interesting
"Started playing guitar to impress a girl. Got into guitar and kind of lost interest in the girl."
– Rude_Independence_14
"…then lost interest in all girls…then also guys…then there was just the guitar. We moved to Montana and started a small business selling crocheted guitar cosies."
– classactdynamo
Microsoft Of Course!
"Excel. Dude kept talking about how good he is at it. Wedding is in January."
– Starrydecises
"Make sure he gets it properly on his calendar since Excel is notoriously bad at dates. Clearly he wasn’t."
– raines
Yikes!
"I joined theater at a community college and started dating another actress in the class. I vaguely like musical theater, but I’m not crazy about it. She was tho. She convinced me that I love musical theater and I should transfer to a 4 year university and pursue that as a degree."
"I applied for the musical theater program at a 4 year university, I got accepted, and she and I wound up breaking up after a month at the new school. I didn’t want to deal with changing degree plans."
"I now have a Bachelors of Fine Arts in Musical Theatre and I don’t even like musicals that much.
"I just tell people I have a degree in “theater”"
– Pope00
"You win, dude."
– dearlysacredherosoul
"Have you thought about making a musical about it?"
– TomPal1234
Lie, Exercise
"Was dating a runner who as reeeaallly into distance running. I’ve never ever felt compelled to run but talking about it with him all the time convinced me to try it … I’m running my first half marathon in less than 2 months hahah"
– Ukeiok
"Did you get the guy tho?"
– apell_ri
"Majorly messy. He moved across the world, I visited him, he’s now seeing someone else but will be back in my city in the future. I’m pretty cut up about the whole thing but I guess we’ll see what the future holds"
"at least I’m a runner now hahah"
– Ukeiok
He Was A (Sore) Loser
"Does it count as dumb if I wound up enjoying it? Learned to play Magic the Gathering in middle school because I had a huge crush on one of the guys who played at lunch every day. We hung out a couple times, then he refused to talk to me after the first time I beat him. But I kept playing, still do, and it my late 20's it turned out to be one of the first things my husband and I connected over."
– thing_m_bob_esquire
"You know the kid wasnt the right one when he couldnt be humble in defeat."
– Nnetaru
Ride Like The Wind
"I said I could ride a horse, which I clearly couldn't. She booked a beach ride and after the initial slow walk to the beach she took off on her horse and mine decided that it would be cool to follow them at full speed. I remember praying to any god that would listen to help stop this creature, white-knuckled it until the end."
– pavlovsape
Travel Plans
"I used to have this habit of lying about my ancestry when I was drunk. Really, a lot of the times, I was just f**ked up and confused - my mom is adopted and all she really knows about her lineage is that she is central or Eastern European. She got one of those DNA tests done that tell you where your family is from, and she told me the results, but over time I’ve kind of forgotten them."
"So I’m sitting in a bar, a guy approaches, he sits beside me and he looks sad. I was a couple drinks deep so I began to talk to him about why he was sad, how I could help, etc. I told him that I love to travel when I’m feeling “stuck” in life, and I asked him where he would travel to if he could go anywhere. He said he wanted to go to Russia."
"“How cool, I’m actually Russian!” 🙄 “No way, really? What are the odds?” “I know, crazy, right?”"
"He was quite drunk by this time as well. We started talking about buying plane tickets to Russia together, changing our identities, etc. we actually tried to buy tickets, but found out quickly we needed visas and we were too drunk for that sh*t. I found him really charming, I liked talking to him. I took his number down even though I was going on a two week trip to another state the next day. Got back from my trip, got back to work for a couple weeks, but he was still on my mind so I invited him to hang out."
"Long story short, we’re married now. Fwiw, he does now know that I’m not Russian."
– TripAway7840
Desperation?
"I once went along with a girl who was wiccan and truly believed her pet rock was her familiar and she would talk to it."
– Mad3yez
"I converted to Latvian Orthodoxy when my girlfriend’s parents said that she couldn’t date anyone outside the faith."
– ExistentialCamper
"Many years ago, School choir. I can’t sing. My parents were bewildered at having to attend a recital to watch me lip sync."
– TalkaboutJoudy
Backfired
"His deep conspiracy theory level fixation with alien coverups... I told him I'm open to the idea of extraterrestrial life and then unwisely agreed to an Ancient Aliens marathon. It lasted about three weeks."
– Throwaway28404028
Dating Diet
"On a first date at a coffee shop, a guy I liked said his family was “sort of Buddhist” and so he grew up eating lots of vegetarian food and plant-based alternatives. I said that was super cool, and that “I always wanted to eat more plant based.”"
"We were both in college, so when we started seeing each other regularly, most of our dates were getting meals together in the dining hall. For MONTHS, I was eating way more vegetarian food (and not good vegetarian food, we’re talking steamed tofu and sometimes unseasoned chickpeas) mostly because I wanted him to think I was cool and respectful of animals."
"Eventually, I decided to come clean and say that I was doing it to impress him but that I needed to stop eating sh*tty dining hall tofu. He then told me he had noticed I would always go for plant based, so he had also been eating more vegetarian also in an attempt to impress me. We ditched the dining hall that night and went for double bacon cheeseburgers."
– Forward-Community708
"Bacon brings people together!"
– ArcheryTXS
Movie Saddness
"It may not be the dumbest content but I have a dumb story about The Hunger Games. Years ago I was interested in a girl who was looking forward to seeing the second Hunger Games movie. So I watched the first one in hopes of taking her out to see the second one. Unfortunately for me she started seeing someone else before we went, so I felt Id wasted my time. Fast forward a year. I started seeing a girl just after Halloween of the next year and she was super excited about seeing the third Hunger Games movie. So, once again, I watched the Hunger Games movies in prep to see it. In keeping with the theme, we split like a week or two before the movie came out, so to date I have seen the first two Hunger Games movies and have no intention of watching any more"
– tenphes31
"This is basically me with Twilight."
– zombieforguitars
"I had a roommate agree to go see the new X-Men with me if I went to the new Harry Potter with her. I had to watch like 3 movies to get caught up and went to the 4th with her in theaters and then she totally bailed on X-Men"
– nAsh_4042615
That story sounds pretty familiar!
The body is an extraordinary thing.
Humans are always testing and pushing past the boundaries of what the human form should be doing.
It takes getting decades into life to realize that none of us are invincible.
So why can't we do the right thing and take proper care of this gift we've been given?
Sadly, that realization often comes too late.
So let's discuss some war stories.
Who has test the limits the most? And why?
Redditor Mazider wanted to compare notes on how we've all brutalized our bodies, so they asked:
"What is the most insane thing you’ve put your body through?"
Training to run a 3 minute mile almost killed me.
Like, who the H*LL is chasing me?
Wild
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & GraceGiphy"Currently pregnant with my first kid and realizing how wild this stuff is. Organs relocate themselves, stuff starts hurting in places you didn’t know existed."
toxinogen
The Comeback
"I was paralyzed from the waist down due to a spinal cord injury. Doctors said never walking again was a big possibility. 4-6 hours a day over the past 3-4 years were dedicated to rehab (massaging, stretching, and exercises). After the first year I was walking again, but I couldn’t stand up for too long."
"Now I climb, swim, and weight lift! Deadlift is at 180kg, Squat is 155kg, and Front squat 110 all at the BW of 74kg I think it helped that I’m only 25, but the body does amazing things given the time and effort to care for it properly."
someGuy0202
Getting the Boot
"I injured my calf playing basketball. Didn’t have health insurance at the time (god bless the USA), so decided to not go to ER and treat it myself for a bit to see if it gets better. Friends convinced me it was a high ankle sprain, probably. I iced it, took some ibuprofen, got a boot and a cane from the pharmacy, and went to work the next day (I’m a camera operator/dop for tv shows)."
"I got a sports massage on the calf (hurt like hell) and the pain got better in a week or so. Still didn’t have a range of motion and it was swollen and slightly bruised. Kept working."
"My friend was getting married in St Martin and I promised to film his wedding. So I dragged my a** all the way there from Los Angeles and as I was laying on the beach, one of the wedding guests came up to see why I wasn’t swimming. She looked at my leg and immediately said, 'I’m an MRI technician, and you have a ruptured Achilles.'"
"I couldn’t sleep googling it all night. The swelling, the bruising, and the loss of range of motion were all checked out. Dragged my a** back to LA, got officially married to my fiancé, bought health insurance, and went to a doc... yup, completely ruptured my Achilles. 45 days I was shlepping around like that with it untreated. Got surgery, had a brutal recovery, and had to walk down the aisle with a boot and a cane."
50mm-f2
On the Grind
"I was really heavy on my grind for years, taking caffeine pills, Adderall, and drinking coffee all the time... one night it was so bad that I could feel my kidneys throbbing, my back was sore from dehydration... my chest was bumping so hard that it sounded like a drum in my ear. I thought to myself, maybe I should go to the hospital. What I ended up doing was going right back to sleep. To this day, my heart can't take much stress or I get chest pains."
NaiveAd8426
Fractured
New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy"Motorcycle accident. Fractured my skull in a couple of places, and burst an eardrum. Was in the hospital for a month, apparently acting like a child, only people I recognized were my mother, cousin, and best friend. Also, couldn't move my left eye because a nerve and/or muscles moving it pinched by the crack under it. They had to put a metal bit to close the gap."
.arnelthelionjr
I need four wheels.
I can do a bike, but motorcycles are a no.
Less Distance
Go Go Go Running GIFGiphy"A 50k run… seriously sucked and made me stop running long distances. I've done marathons before and didn’t think the jump-up would be as big of a deal as it was. Now I stick to 10k and 15k."
JD054
Gotta Go
"Being there for someone caught in addiction. The late-night calls to come take care of them, the countless trips and hours in the hospital. The mood swings and all of it started taking a toll on me physically to the point I started feeling like I was the one using. I had to walk away after realizing there was nothing I could do. She lost her battle a little over a year ago and it tore me up. Still working through it but it’s a daily process. Rip LD and I hope you finally have peace."
Dirty_Boy_Jay
All work/No play
"Working everyday 12+ hours without a day off, for more than a month."
Any_South2605
"This is tougher than most people think, especially if it's high-intensity work in the heat or cold. I do outages every year that are usually at least two weeks, approximately 12-14 hours a day. Some days they hit over 20 hours, it takes its toll after a week or so. Especially if you have a family. I lost 10 lbs in my last outage, stressed as hell trying to oversee a critical path project."
TheSwissRussian
The Worst
"The whole Appalachian trail was pretty tough but so spread out it didn’t seem that bad. Thought long-distance hiking (trail legs) = marathon (running legs)… that was NOT the case. Worst pain ever. Took almost 2 years to enjoy running in any form then I ran a 50-mile ultra marathon a few weeks ago, proper training kept the pain at bay."
forvillage22
Hazards
hazard GIFGiphy"Went into a secure facility to train to do my job as a chem ops specialist in a live environment where nerve gas exposure was a real risk."
jackfaire
Chemicals are always an issue.
How people do jobs near chemicals I'll never know.