It happens to the best of us, and we ultimately hope there is a second date.
But aside from nerves jeopardizing our chances of a second date, there are a few unspoken rules to keep in mind.
Redditor Couch_Licker asked:
"What should you NEVER do on a first date?"
You would think the following are no-brainers. Still, many people are guilty of doing this.
Past Relationships
"Only talk about your previous relationships."
– Nevlu
"She talked about him so much I started to miss the guy."
– 2x4x93
Exes
"Discuss any particular ex for a length of time. In my experience it's a big red flag that they're not over someone or carrying that baggage. And I mean everyone has baggage - it's normal. I have some and expect the people I've dated in the past to have some. But a first date should be about exploring each other and whether you like the person, are attracted to them, want to continue getting to know them. You can mention previous relationships but unless both parties have known each other during previous relationships - do not vent or over explain your exes."
When Your Device Is More Important
"Be on your phone the whole time."
"Put it on vibrate and don't look at it except when you go to the bathroom. I walked out on a date because she was constantly replying to messages. They did not take it well."
Kindness Matters
"You really shouldn't be rude to service staff on any number date, or even on non-dates."
Romantic Detour
"Suggest you take a 'nice scenic drive' and then cruise past your ex's house repeatedly to see if their car is there."
When things seem to be going well, and the feeling is mutual, avoid these—At least right off the bat.
No Rush
"If it's through a dating app and you don't know the person you should never be too trusting and share too much. It's best to spend some time with someone to get to know them first. I think especially goes for women but applies to men as well."
"*Caveat there is the rare black swan out there and going with your heart and intuition is a good, bold and brave thing."
Ease Off On Being Cocky
"Try too hard to impress the other person. Try to find out as much about the other person instead. Interest is sexy. Bragging is not."
Cutting To The Chase
"Propose."
"My husband proposed on our first date. I was squicked out and nearly ran away. Then, after three months, he told all his friends he wanted to have a baby with me... They still make fun of him for it. We ended up getting married after having our second son (married by Elvis in Vegas). We now have four sons and have been married for 8 years (together 11)."
"I still recommend not proposing on the first date. Haha."
Food-Sharing Maneuver
"Once had a dude grab some of my food off of my plate with his bare hands. He was trying to do a cutesy sharing food thing but it was a poached egg. He grabbed a poached egg with his bare hands right off of my plate. Please do not be like that guy."
Causing Injury
"Break her nose. My now husband hugged me the way Lenny petted rabbits. He was happy to finally meet me in person after online relationship, was a virgin, and thought harder hugs mean more love. They do not."
"He still apologizes when it's brought up, lol."
People Break Down Their Greatest Accomplishment On The Internet | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Not The Soup!
"Well, don't do what I did: order the French onion soup. This was a lunch date and I'm not sure what the hell I was thinking ordering something that both makes a mess (all that melted, stringy cheese) and gives you bad breath. My wife still gives me crap about that boneheaded decision to this day."
These Redditors were completely thrown by certain topics and unexpected cameos.
A Date And A Plus One
"invite your spouse. It's just so awkward."
– ickysam
"You think Im kidding but at least 10% of Tinder is two people looking to add someone else."
For A Later Discussion
"If you know the person you're dating is divorced, don't ask about it on the first date. Not a fun thing for them to talk about. You'll learn about it eventually if you end up going on more dates."
Curious About Kink
"Ask, 'What's your fetish?' It might sound okay but believe me, it doesn't work!"
Revealing TMI
"Revealing that you're a flat earther. This serious happened to me. This guy I met online seems okay. We went on a date and he started asking 'those type of questions that make people fall in love with you'. Idk if you know what I'm talking about. If that didn't weird me out enough, he went on and claimed that we worked for NASA and they lied to everyone. The earth is flat and those images we saw of earth are CGI renders. The US never landed on the moon and conspiracy sh*ts like that. Needless to say there was no second date."
– pink0205
Possession
"Unhinge your jaw and scream the dead sea scrolls in reverse."
"Oh so thats what i did wrong."
People on dating apps tend to feel more comfortable having conversations through messaging, but all that goes out the window when nerves take over on a first date.
The key takeaway is to not turn into someone else when you finally meet that person.
While that's easier said than done, just remember to breathe, act natural, and for goodness sake, don't talk about your exes and your used panty collection.
Bear hugs however remain debatable, as the Redditor who broke his date's nose wound up being the husband.
And sometimes, they're so bad that you have to just peace out. These are the stories of such dates, courtesy of Reddit. eseohii asked:
Those who've walked out on first dates, what was your "I'm out of here" moment?
Unfortunately, we can’t completely learn about a person just through dating apps. There’s always a chance they won’t be honest.
Hey, Scorpios are cool!
“First date we are at a Japanese restaurant. She asked me my star sign, I replied "Scorpio". She leaned over the table and slapped me clean & hard across the face. Naturally I was shocked and confused, I mouthed "What...?", she firmly says "I NEVER date Scorpios".
I went to the bathroom, came back - she had gone, and paid for everything.”
“At least she paid, so at least that's something.”
Just hold it until the next bar!
uh oh poop GIF by It's Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaGiphy“Legitimately when she said she needed to take a wee as we walked down a back alley to the next bar. She pulled her jeans down, TOOK A SH*T behind a bin, then searched in the bin and wiped with a sheet of newspaper.
I was totally infatuated with her after working with her for a few months and in 30 seconds it disappeared, fast.
I just don't get why she didn't wait until the next bar?!
After a few comments, I have to state, we were wasted at this point, she didn't just drop trou and squeeze in a planned brazen act of defiance, I hope."
It takes a lot of confidence to be this blatantly rude.
“She told me she was probably going to ghost me and then asked me to buy her a second drink while I was only a couple sips into mine.”
“This has ‘villain reveals their plan to the hero before the plan has succeeded’ energy.”
“Bold and aggressive” is an understatement.
“I went to the bathroom, but left my phone. She texted every girl name in my phone ‘i miss you’.”
“Bold and aggressive move to find out if there's anyone else in your life.”
Even the people we think are perfect can end up being absolutely bonkers. The only way to find out is that first date.
As a cat person, I can confirm that this is awful.
Cat Meow GIF by Cats MovieGiphy“She had 22 cats and would just randomly take in strays. Not give them any vet care and was planning on keeping a recent litter. I love cats... I paid the bartender when she went to the bathroom and hyper walked to the door. Forwarded her contact info and a summary of what she told me to the humane society.”
Gross gross gross.
“Sadly I was inexperienced when this happened and had to wait until the end of the date but after meeting him I said I'd go and get drinks. He said ‘atta girl’ and slapped my a**.
In shock I went to the bar and got the drinks. I should have walked out of the exit immediately. He was obnoxious.”
No Netflix and chill for that girl.
“Just a nasty rude person. Maybe she had a bad day, who knows, but she said something that I just lost patience with and scooted basically mid-meal.
We went to a cool-but-not-expensive hipster-ish restaurant*, it was a Friday night and they were busy. She complained the whole time about the service being slow and then stupid for having a hard time understanding her over the loud noise, she made fun of the other customers, not in a cleverly-observational-Larry David way, just a senselessly mean and petty way.
The break point was at one point she made a comment about my appearance that in hindsight must've been meant as some flirtatious shade, but I just took that personally, and regardless of intent it was an unflattering thing to say. I wolfed my food and then signaled for the check. I waited an agonizing 5/10 minutes while it came, then stood up, threw down enough cash for my meal and a generous tip for both of us (she'd been such a monster to the servers I knew she wasn't going to tip anything), and started putting my windbreaker on.
She asked me "are you cold?" "No". "Oh. Where're we headed next then?" "Home." And when I said that she looked confused for a second, then gave me a coy look and said "oh ok, yeah, I'm down for Netflix", and, realizing what she thought I was implying, I just said "oh, no, I meant alone". Out the patio right onto the street and freedom.
* I was 23, 24 - young people reading this, do not do a restaurant for a first date unless it is someone you know/are already friends with and know there's a spark before you sit down to a meal. Go for drinks or coffee, it's cheaper, more casual and easy to conversate, it's also easier to disengage - you can pound a beer or a coffee and scoot away in seconds, unlike a meal."
Chefs Share Major Red Flags To Look For While Out To Eat | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Ewwwww.
Homer Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphy“This guy and I were eating dinner after chatting for a couple of weeks, and unprompted (in the middle of something I was saying) and completely unrelated to what was being discussed, he said something along the lines of, 'So you know in order for this to work you're gonna have to share yourself right? My friends and I like to pass girls around.'
I was pretty dumbfounded and after a bit of stuttering I told him I didn't think it was going to work, asked for a to-go box and my portion of the check, and noped the f*ck outta there."
How rude.
“I had to pick him up and he complained about everything. My car, the way I drove, my music taste, why was I being so quiet while carefully plotting my escape plan. Definitely the moment he said ‘My friends really want to meet you. I need them to know you're real.’ Annnnnnndddddd that's when I bounced.”
They really do the bare minimum, don’t they?
“He spent the whole meal talking about how he only dated nurses because they were great caregivers and looked after him. He talked about his last GF who after working her shift, came over to his place, and did his laundry. I was a cook but he was willing to give me a tryout depending on how good my cooking was. We left and there was a busker outside with a crowd and we stopped to watch. I slowly edged my way into the back and then quickly walked away. He also showed up in sweatpants for an evening meal.”
To the Redditors featured in this article- how do you find these people?????
As a neurodivergent person, this makes me mad.
startled adult swim GIF by HULUGiphy“We didn't even make it to the date. She was a friend of a friend. I thought she was cute and was getting up the courage to ask. But while I was doing that, she kept sneaking up on me and making sudden loud noises in my ear or grabbing me then giggling like she thought it was quirky and cute.
I have anxiety and autism. Sudden touching and loud noises are my two worst meltdown triggers. I told her this and asked her to stop the first few times she did it. She kept doing it. That crush died fast.”
Now that’s good management.
“This guy was about 10 years my senior and very clearly on coke or another type of upper. He offered me a job where he worked, asked me to move in with him to make his ex wife jealous and refused to drive separately to the restaurant he wanted to take me to after we had drinks at a local pub.
Got to the restaurant, told management I was feeling super uncomfortable and the manager himself came up to me and told me there was a phone call for me at the front. I grabbed my purse, drank my glass of wine and hightailed it out of there.”
Well that’s just creepy.
“This is going to be lost in the comments but I just want to share.
I went on a first date with a really cute girl my age (both ladies if that matters?). Anyway, we get to a pretty popular bar/coffee shop in the area and are chatting over drinks. Honestly it was going really well at first. I'm also 100% okay with people talking about mental disorders on the first date as I have some myself and it legitimately is part of who they are/dating them. Also, as long as they are not doing it to imply I have to fix them or to excuse sh*tty behavior then I'm okay with it. If they say they did something sh*tty and then fall back on their disorder it's a no from me.
She mentioned that she had been in inpatient recently and I said I had too. She then said that the exact reason I went into inpatient was why she was in, and said she was at a specific one that I had been in and even the exact same diagnosis as me. I asked when and she told me the week I had been there. I knew for a fact she hadn't been there and it really deeply bothered me. I didn't recall ever telling her these details and usually only bring up mental health if the other person does.
Turns out she worked at a restaurant with a "friend" of mine who divulged a bit too much personal information when she showed him who she was going on a date with. Needless to say, I bounced and neither of them ever heard from me again beyond a "don't talk to me or about me" text.”
Was this person on a date with Dennis Reynolds?
Tv Show Lol GIF by It's Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaGiphy"Hoping I don't catch sh*t for this but here goes…
We were going to a fairly nice place, fully indoor restaurant. He brought his dog.
Now I LOVE dogs but knew it wouldn't be allowed in the restaurant we had picked. He used it as an opportunity to insist I go back to his house with him. I told him I would wait there while he dropped his dog off and came back and he was furious that I would suggest such a thing. I started to get really anxious because he was yelling and forcing my hand, so I told him I would follow in my car and once we were driving I totally bailed out."
How they treat service workers is usually a good indicator.
“She was rude to the waitress, and I mean really rude, not just short or impatient. I said I was going to the bathroom, walked up to the waitress, handed her some cash, said keep the change and walked out of the restaurant.”
Let this be a word of warning- if you’re going on a first date, be prepared for it to go south. Have an exit plan ready to go just in case it goes nuclear, because it’s honestly a 50/50 chance that it’ll be awkward af.
Also, when you’re on a date, be sure to not talk about your ex or sh*t outside. That should be a given.
But then again, I was one of the lucky ones. Because no matter how cringey that improv show was, it wasn't even close to some of these dates from hell. Readysetexplode asked:
What's your worst horror story from a date?
Ah, to be young again. Nothing tops a really bad high school date.
This is some Die Hard sh*t.
“It was a warm summer night, we were 15, and we were in love.
No wait, scratch that, we were 15 and wanted to grind. That's the one.
I was over at my friends place chilling out, He was playing Diablo 2 and I was on the other computer chatting on msn when, lo and behold, she logged on. After some small talk I mentioned I was in town at Joe's (pseudonym) place, and she said I should come over to her house. We had talked beforehand about sex and fooling around, made out a bit, and we both wanted to screw, but parents etc kept getting in the way. I told Joe that I was going to go and try to get laid, and he was understandably supportive. And with that, I was off into the night.
It was midnight or shortly after, cloudy but hot out, and the orange glow from the city lit up the night remarkably well. As I walked and pondered the possible events to come, I was accompanied by the distant yet booming sound of thunder. I really should have noticed the smell of rain in the air... I made quick work of the several blocks between us and came to her house, going to her bedroom window as was previously directed.
Knock Knock. She came to the window with a finger to her lips, wearing a black bra and pink underwear, and pointed down. My eyes followed her gesture to the still form of her young brother lying on her bedroom floor.
She preempted my curiosity with, "He gets afraid of thunderstorms, so he is going to sleep in here tonight", to which I asked with more of a look of disappointment and confusion than words, "But I wanted to plow you, all romantic like!"
Her smile told me I was still in business. I crawled into her window, took off my shoes and left them on her bedroom floor, and we stepped out of her room and made our way to her basement. The lights were out, as we did not want to wake her religious parents, but she knew her way around, and led me past a table to her couch.
After a few minutes of pathetic teenager make out and pawing, things got serious. After the foreplay, we moved onto the sex.
Being the responsible young adult that I was, I had brought 2 condoms, and being the dumb young adults that we were, she advised I wear them both for extra protection, and I did. Cue worst sex ever. but I'm FAIRLY sure it did happen.
In the throes of passion, we were totally unaware that the distant rumbling of thunder had become the storm of the year directly above our town, and the rain and thunder eventually tore our attention away.
Wait a minute... That doesn't sound like rain... That sounds like... FOOTSTEPS!!
To this day, I have yet to see anyone do anything faster than that Christian girl get dressed. She was dressed and tugging at my arm before I had my pants fully done up! So i grabbed my shirt and my socks, and she dragged my up the stairs and across the common room. Well, mostly across. About halfway down the telltale flicker of flashlights descends the stairs, turns out the power had been knocked out by the storm. Not having enough time to get to her room without being seen, she shoved me into the bathroom beside us, and went to address her parents as I climbed into the shower stall and cowered.
Outside I heard them conversing, her parents having no suspicions were quite calm, just asking how her and her brother were doing. Fine. Ok, well then we are going to go back to bed, try and get some sleep. PHEW! I'm in the clear.
Her dad utters a phrase I won't soon forget, "I am just gonna use the bathroom before we go." And steps into my hiding place. Placing the flashlight on the bathroom counter, beam up, I see the silhouette of a large man walk over to within 3 feet of me, and take a piss. I'm fairly sure my heart stopped beating just to make sure he couldn't detect me at all. He finishes, wastes his 1 flush (cmon people, when the power is out, follow the mantra, 'if it's brown, flush it down, if it's yellow, let it mellow') and departs. Parents leave, she comes and gets me, we both sh*t bricks, and then we continue into her room so I can GTFO ASAP.
I get fully dressed, and am sitting on the edge of her bed putting on my last sock when both of our eyes shoot to the bottom of her bedroom door. Flashlights.
I quickly discern that I don't have the time to get out the window undetected, but spot that her bed has a fairly decent rise to it, and luckily for me, was uncluttered underneath. I drop to the floor and ninja vanish mere moments before her parents enter her room. Again, inconsequential chit chat and I feel like I am in the clear. I sigh a breath of relief and let my head rest on her carpet, looking out into the room.
Directly into the eyes of her 5 year old brother lying on the floor, now wide awake, and staring into my soul. I'm done. I'm busted. I'm dead. "Christian father kills horny teenager" is going to be the headline in the newspaper the next day, guaranteed. A million options flash through my mind until I decide on a brilliantly simple choice. Bringing one finger up to my lips, I make the sign for silence and secrecy.
Thank FSM for the playful naivety of children, because he simply smiled and returned the gesture.
Her parents departed, and shortly after, so did I, to enjoy my walk home in the pouring hot summer rain, with ample time to ponder how close I came to a serious sh*t-beating.
Worth it.
Tl;dr Went for a midnight screw and almost got eviscerated by crazy religious parents, ninja'd my way out.”
Yikes.
Jay Z Reaction GIF by ComplexGiphy“Nightmare date occurring RIGHT NOW.
I rode 250 miles to see this redditor I'd been corresponding with for a couple months. She's cute and we get along smashingly, but she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to be in an awkward position so I refrained from visiting. She almost breaks up with him, but she doesn't. She assured me there'd be no problems(?), but sure enough, I pull into her seedy apartment complex and I see 2 people arguing. My spidey sense tingled so I doubled back, parked, and called her. They are now arguing and I'm sitting at a sh*tty convenience store...fml"
[deleted]
Parents Explain Why They Regret The Name They Gave Their Child | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Denmark has very strict laws to protect children from bizarre names. Parents must choose from a list of 7,000 pre-approved names. And if they choose a name o...Smooth move.
“I was on a first date with a girl and I also worked with. We'd been flirting for weeks and had wonderful chemistry. Our date was great and had a life of its own. She drove. At the end of the 6-hour long date, we were sitting in her parked car in front of my house, continuing the captivating conversation. We had a work meeting the next morning, so when it came time for me to go, I started to exit the car and said ‘See you tomorrow’. She sheepishly said ‘I can't wait that long’. Without thinking, I replied, ‘Well, you're gonna have to’ and slammed the car door.
I didn't realize what she meant, or how what I said came across, for some time, like the next day.”
Thanks a lot, dad.
“She comes to pick me up ( I couldn't drive yet ), she's waiting with the car running in the driveway and calls me because she's somewhat scared of my dad. I come out the front door, my dad follows me wondering where I'm going. He see's the girl and decides he's going to ‘embarrass’ me. He proceeds to tackle me onto the lawn and pretend like he's kicking the sh*t out of me. She drives off in panic. Thanks dad.”
If you thought your dating experiences were bad, you’re not ready for these next few.
Fragile egos don’t make for good dates.
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory Tantrum GIFGiphy“So we're still in high school, and we'd been hanging out forever, really liked each other. He's a pretty decent nerdy guy, we play Starcraft together all the time, have a couple of classes together. He takes me to a Magic tournament.
Cool! I register and I start playing. I advance, and he throws a hissy fit after I beat him... and refuses to drive me home. The guy behind the counter guilts him into taking me home, and we're about half-way through the awkward silence home when he gets pulled over by the cops for speeding. Instead of cooperating, he throws a f*cking fit and starts yelling. Officer asks him to step out of the car, and he eventually does. I'm in tears, so the nice officer calls my parents to come and get me from the side of the road, because he's taking DateGuy to the station for belligerence and, as he said, ‘Totally ruining your night’. I had to answer a ton of questions with the guy sitting in the back of the cop car, glaring daggers at me.
Worst date I've ever had, and I had to continue taking classes with him until the end of the year. We never spoke again.
Awkward af.
“I had a dud first date - we had nothing to talk about, and none of the social skills or inclination to make small tall.
We made it half way through the second drink before both abandoning the idea.
I walk her back to her car - she collapses on the way.
I call an ambulance, and end up in the emergency waiting room wondering exactly what my obligations are to a girl I don't know.
I stick it out for 4 hours until she's discharged.
I ask her to call me when she gets home, to make sure she gets there ok - she doesn't call.”
This is just plain cringe.
“Was set up on a blind date by a co-worker. Things went reasonably well- ok conversation, he seemed to be genuinely nice. My co-worker and her boyfriend double dated with us for moral support. We went back to the co-worker's house after dinner to watch a movie together. That's when things got weird.
Co-worker and boyfriend left the room to give us some "alone time". Immediately, my date tried to kiss me. It was one of those approaches with his tongue hanging out. I nicely rejected the kiss, saying it was too soon for that type of affection for me. So he shifted his attention to my feet. I was wearing open toed shoes and he grabbed a foot in his hand and asked if he could rub my feet. I declined and he began to beg. Told me that he loved feet and would love to suck on my toes. I declined again, started to get a bit scared. He made a last ditch effort by asking if he could just sniff them once. I gathered my things and left ASAP.
He followed me to my car and tried to beg me in a baby-talk voice to come back, me and my "widdle piggies" (toes). I kept expecting a camera crew to pop out from behind a tree proclaiming that I had indeed been "punk'd". I was as nice as possible about everything, citing that I just needed some time to get comfortable with someone before becoming affectionate. I pulled out of the driveway in such a hurry that I squealed my tires a bit.
I had no intention of seeing him again since he had violated my personal space so much. I (probably wrongly) passive aggressively ignored his phone calls and myspace messages. He couldn't take a hint though, and called 20 times in one day. I finally manned up and told him that I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship. He immediately got nasty, called me a tease, and told me never to contact him again. Weirdest date ever."
Considering the fact that these posts were written in 2010, it’s safe to say that people aren’t going on dates from MySpace anymore. Although Tinder isn’t much worse…
What an a**hole.
Ben Stiller Basketball GIFGiphy“He called 20 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up. Told me he'd be a couple hours late because he wanted to play basketball.... the time he was supposed to get me rolled around... no show.... twenty minutes later a car pulls up and his mom gets out....(keep in mind we're freshmen in college)
He sent his parents to come get me. 20 minute drive to his house in the car. Alone with his parents. He proceeded to talk about the girl he was in love with for the rest of the date and ended it with an awkward hug stating that it wouldn't work because we lived too far away.”
So much for dancing.
“Went dancing with a girl from work; first date with anyone, 25 years old - zero social skills, naturally. Wisely, I let her do all the talking, and we have a decent enough time. She doesn't even seem to notice my awkwardness, and I start to loosen up and even show a bit of confidence. "Hey, this is sort of fun!", I say to myself.
I explain that I can't dance, but she goads me into giving it a try - just one slow song. She'll walk me through it, she says, no big deal. No one's watching. My blood pressure shoots through the roof, but I'm still on a high, and hardly noticing my hands trembling and my pulse approaching a dangerous rate. We go over to the floor and she puts my hand on her waist and takes my other hand in hers.
Instantly, my breath leaves me and the room fills with pea soup fog. The arteries in my forearms and throat contract painfully and a crushing sensation overtakes me; fade to black. My memory cuts out at that point, but I'm told that I managed to crawl to the corner of the room after hitting the floor.
When I came to, I was completely numb and paralyzed from head to toe, gasping for breath, but getting almost none at all. The crushing feeling intensified and I lost consciousness several more times in the next hour or so as I lay in the corner. Eventually I regained enough feeling in my legs to pull myself upright, stagger to a stool, and order an orange juice. My scalp and tongue were still numb, but I managed to drink it down and gather my thoughts enough to remember where I was, what day it was, and how I had gotten there. In another hour I was aware enough to risk driving home, which I did as slowly and deliberately as I could with my still-dull reflexes and persisting numbness. I made it back to my room and slept until past noon the next day, still a bit numb and groggy even then.
My date, I found out later, had been profoundly embarrassed by my actions, and left immediately after I fell. She forgave me and never mentioned it to anyone, as far as I know.
Tl;dr: first date; tried dancing with a girl; had some sort of stroke (I think*); blacked out; girl leaves, but agrees not to tell anyone about it."
[deleted]
People think this sh*t is cute, but it’s just creepy.
“He wanted to watch a movie at his house. Turns out, he wanted to watch G.I. Jane. Turns out, it's his favorite movie. Turns out, he gets so pumped when watching it he wears his army fatigues and spontaneously does pushups every 5 minutes.
Then we go for a walk and he insists on holding my hand and practically hanging on it for the entire walk.
Finally I get to my house and send him home, relieved to finally be alone. 5 minutes later, I hear something hit my window. Then again. He's outside, throwing rocks at my window. He tells me he loves me, and gazes up at me with a sh*t-eating grin. He had to see me again! I tell him, ‘Go home!’
I think about how I'm going to break up with this extraordinarily needy dude. It digs at me all night.
In the morning when I leave for work I find flowers under my windshield wiper, and a poem. First dates can be gruesome.”
Bad dates can lead to bad consequences.
Not a good look when you’re in twenties.
Alejandro Jodorowsky Party GIF by Endless PoetryGiphy“Last year, I started screwing around with a coworker of mine. BAD IDEA. We decided to go to a party as our first date-like thing. The party was at her house (she had like 6 roomates in this giant house). Now, I'm not really a big drinker, but these people (all of whom are well into their 20's) were just getting schwasted off of Barton's Vodka. I've never seen a more childish abuse of alcohol.
Yada yada yada, everybody at this party (25 people or so?) started drinking at about 10, and were all passed out in piles of their own vomit all around the house, high-school style. The girl I'm with, after throwing up on her bed, drunkenly begs me to stay and take care of her. Because of my hatred of immature drunk people, I simply leave (kind of a d*ck move, I know). The next day my boss talked to me and said that I wouldn't be working with her anymore because she threatened to fill out a sexual harassment case or something against me. Whoa!
Worst date ever.”
Yiiiiikes.
“I had no car at 17 but thought I would be creative about taking a girl to a movie without involving my parents:
I invited this girl I had a crush on to come to the movies with me and two guy friends. We sat in the back seat together, and sat next to each other at the movies. For the most part my friends left us alone and it seemed like we were on a quiet, awkward, conversation-less first date. I was pretty lame but tried my best to keep her interest in the few moments a movie-date provides. But on the ride back to her house, my best friend happened to play some music she liked on the stereo and they started talking. She immediately opened up and the two of them hit it off instantly (while I was sitting next to her in the back seat, silently raging). She dated my best friend for a year after that.”
Grease was NOT the word that night.
“I went on a date one time when I was in elementary school with a girl I met through a girl in my class. We were going to see Grease, (the 20th anniversary release in 1998) and we had a lot of time to kill before the movie started. Being the adventurous young chap that I was, I decided to get some Milk Duds from the snack counter, as I had never eaten them before. I thought, "Milk chocolate? Caramel? I love both of them, so together, they should be amazing!"
I had a few of them, and they were pretty good. I waited for them to melt, then chomped down and ate them. After a few, however, I became impatient of waiting for them to soften up and started to just bite through them. It was a little challenging biting through solid caramel, but nothing terrible.
However, one Milk Dud was more difficult to chew than the rest. I popped this particular one to the back of my mouth, and the caramel core decided to latch itself onto one of my molars. I pulled and pulled to try to get it unstuck from my teeth, but the caramel was too much for my young teeth. In trying to open up my mouth, I ended up ripping the stuck molar from my mouth with the hard Milk Dud still attached. The molar wasn't even loose, it just got pulled out!
It's strange enough going on dates when you're that young. It's stranger when it's with a girl you met only once prior to the date. It's strangest when you end up ripping out a not-loose tooth with a Milk Dud still attached, and then have to sit through Grease.
Note: I have not eaten a Milk Dud since.”
Definitely a Team Jacob kinda dude.
robert pattinson team edward GIFGiphy“Not really a date, but still...
I met a girl in a club whilst working as a nightlife photographer - you meet a lot of girls that way, its a good ice breaker. She was pretty, sweet and funny, and we kept bumping into each other throughout the night as I worked. Ended up finishing work and getting to chat to her a bit, things were great, and we ended up going back to her place for a bit of drunken rumpy pumpy.
When we got into her room it was like a normal student room, posters on the wall etc, typical girl stuff, y'know? Twilight poster, calendar of a boy band, some frilly stuff... all that. Quite cute. Anyway, we got down to business, and we were nearly naked when she whispers into my ear in the sexiest way possible, "Bite me like Edward".
I had my clothes on and was out of the door faster than you could even imagine.”
[deleted]
Seems logical.
“Long story short. Christmas party went well. met a girl. Woke up in her apartment, in her bed, naked on top of the covers. Woke up because a man in the doorway was angrily asking me, "is that my daughter?" He had come to pick her up for Christmas vacation and her roommates let him in. I answered, "no." by the way. Seemed the only smart thing to do.”
If your memories of first dates make you cringe, just remember, at least your date didn’t throw a tantrum over a Magic the Gathering tournament. That story was unreal.
And if you have a history of bad dates, don’t worry- the right person WILL come along, and they will provide good memories that will give you hope for relationships again.
Flirting. Some people are naturally flirty and charismatic, they smoothly enter a conversation then with a shimmy and a wink already have a date. Others...including this writer...have to be intentional about flirting and even then that “sexy wink" turns out more like a facial spasm.
There is help however, following others' experiences and flirting expertise below may just give you the boost you need. Just make sure to use your newfound powers of prowess wisely padawan.
Redditor ABowlOfLentilSoup reached out for all of us who are on the flirtation struggle-bus and asked:
“People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?"
The Reddit hivemind came up with some helpful guides for the less flirty.
Mirroring...
“Mirroring body language. This is a tactic employed by people who work in sales and it's not always conscious. This is a psychological disarmament tactic we, as humans, deploy on each other."
“In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language. Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person whose attention you are seeking do the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign."
“That's not to say you need to reposition or fidget while interacting; remember, being comfortable and at ease is a way bigger turn-on and ultimately lends itself to a more approachable experience for all parties. After all, 'acting natural' is the penultimate jedi mind trick :)"
“some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others...”
“People will give alot of cues subconsciously, also some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others too. Pay attention to their eye contact with you compared to others, if one has small amount of eye contact with others but alot with you, generally it means theyre comfortable with you."
“Physical contact is usually big for people who arent already touchy, people will generally be more touchy with those they like. When in a group and everyones laughing, people generally look at the one theyre most comfortable with first, or the one they like, could be either or both."
“Action imitation is big, if you think someone is into you, do an action like hands in pocket or something, if they copy, they probably like you, or are paying serious attention to you for some reason. If they laugh at your dumb joke, either they like you, or the joke made them uncomfortable, depends on the situation."
“Playing with hair is one that can mean something to, but some people also just do that alot anyway. Really id say some things can be a good tell more often than not but sometimes those actions can just be them being friendly, unless its blatantly obvious it can be something else, thats why the communication or the risk of asking someone is important."
Get flustered!
“When a person is making relatively sensual physical contact, please, and I mean PLEASE get flustered, or at least mentally flustered. Do not ignore them because you've known them a while. Do not pass it off as jokes, look for some signals. You'll regret not doing so. I've never been oblivious, but G*d d*mn have I missed hints before.”
sweat wtf GIF by AwesomenessTV
Giphy
“My advice is to be observant.”
“It really depends on who you're talking to. My advice is to be observant. Some, would prefer banters. Usually , when coming up with something witty, they return back what you said but relating it in a playful or opposing manner (i hope you get what I mean) or playfully challenging your views.”
“When it comes to touch, subtle touch on the arm or shoulders or patting the head and smile. Trying means to be with you is also a sign, but some are a lil more lowkey(like me), that'll probably prefer showing a playful side when it's just alone. So, it is also a sign if they change their aura from normal/serious to playful when it's just you alone. I hope these help.”
A more logical way to look at it.
“Everyone is giving good advice, but flirting didn't click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability. Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not.”
“That's the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time. If you want to know if someone's flirting, you need to test it.”
“You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting.”
“Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you're interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don't change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same.”
“Dunno if that's something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too.”
Its not one size fits all...
“Generally there's no one thing that gives it away. Everyone says to look for eye contact, look at posture, look for mimicry, etc, and sure there's some truth to that but no one should be expected to keep track of all of those things and not everyone exhibits any particular one.”
“In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it's nothing. I say trust that sense.”
“It's based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it's not a coincidence. When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can't or don't want to attend.”
“If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they'll just say no, sorry I can't make it.”
“This works because you're showing interest in spending additional time with them (this event would be more enjoyable for me if you where there) and if they like you they will be sure to make it clear that they are saying no to the event, not to you. Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question.”
They're into you...
“Take it from me, we were in a club she wanted to go to, she was checking the girls out and asked which one I liked. I told her the girl with the hair to one side. Now get this, dumb*ss me NOTICED she put her hair to one side, but thought nothing of it."
“I'm sure she sent out more hints and cues, but being a guy with poor self worth, I brushed it all off, there's no way she's in to me. I was so wrong, it took one of her guy friends telling me that she hasn't shut up about me all night to realise that, hang in, she does??"
“Long story short, if you think there's a chance, don't be a dumb*ss and wait for luck to punch you in the face like it did me, take the chance, even if you're convincing yourself she isn't in to you, she probably is!"
Kate Mckinnon Flirt GIF by Saturday Night Live
Giphy
This Redditor broke it down into some helpful bullet points.
“A few examples of things that have helped give away someone's feelings for me:
-telling their friends about me
-remembering my schedule or other similar information
-telling me about they're previous interest with striking similarities
-bragging about themselves in ways that would make a potential partner happy ("I give great back massages" or "I cook a mean omelette")
-asking what my plans are at the end of a party/gathering instead of their friends
-looking for or grasping onto shared interests”
Some sound points...
“They make a lot of eye contact. They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions. They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones.”
“They initiate physical contact.They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean sex but it often means they wish for more quality time with you).”
A good note to remember from this commenter:
“Do not take these as signs that a worker is interested in you. They literally get paid to seem interested in the concerns of every customer/client. Furthermore, any of these one signs alone is NOT confirmation someone likes you. Everyone flirts differently and some may not even use any of the above.”
“These were simply some traits that came to mind based off my limited experience. I have never been an expert at reading signals (I was always shy), but I think the most important aspect of flirting is demonstrating that you take a keen interest in the other person and want as much one-on-one time to get to know them better as a person.”
“Some people will rush the sexual aspect of dating, at which point their flirtations become more physical and obvious. But for most dating adults, signals are more subtle and revealed through conversation.“
Everyone is different...
“Everybody's social queues are different. Some maybe more extreme than others. So don't take stuff from this thread as the actual truth. Some people are just really friendly.“
Although flirting may not come naturally to all of us, these are some solid tips to get you started. As always friends, remember consent is the sexiest way when you do decide to go for physical contact.
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