Dear Single Men,
Please just ... like ... chill. The gist of this whole article basically boils down to that. I promise.
There's no magic formula. You don't need to be a "pick up artist."
You're not still single just because you're short, guys.
It's not because you think Crocs are a formal shoe, even though they're just not. People will be willing to forgive that if you rock it with enough swag.
It's not any of that stuff.
Reddit user SmootPapi asked:
Girls of reddit, what are everyday things men do that turn you off?
Weirdly, Single Men, nowhere on this list was there anything like 'drive the wrong car' or 'have clean nails.' What DID make the list was:
Innuendo *heh-heh*
person innuendo GIFGiphy"When you're having a normal conversation and he turns it sexual, with no prompting or leading. We were literally talking about work and next minute he turns it into naked massages."
"Yeah, nah thanks." - NorthernSuburbNanny
"I was in group therapy and the therapist was talking about facials for self-care."
"The guy sitting next to me, who I hadn't actually spoken to much prior to this, turned to me and went 'I could give you one of those.' " - paredclia
"Oh my god I can't even describe how much I hate that. I love dirty jokes, innuendos etc. but if you turn every single thing into something sexual just know I'm leaving." - xtnts
"Bi guy, can confirm that gay and bi guys do it too. I wish more straight guys knew what that felt like."
"I remember one date where I probably would have gone to bed with him - if he'd just shut up about sex for five minutes so we could get to know each other first. Every topic I tried to introduce just got an awkward segue into something sexual."
"I get it, dude. You want sex. So do I. Just let me retain a tiny bit of self-respect in the process." - madsci
The Best
Video Games Lmao GIF by BounceGiphy"Turning everything into a competition."
"There's a certain subset of guys who think they can impress you by being 'the best' at something. Not just good, but specifically, 'the best.' "
"This leads to them gatekeeping and putting you and others down in order to prove their superiority, and this kind of behavior is just annoying." - Korrin
"Haha I remember a guy like this at University and he earned the nickname 'Topper' because anything you could do, he could 'top.' Needless to say none of us lady folk swooned." - Tea_Breeze
The Staff
rude bon qui qui GIFGiphy"Being rude to strangers, especially wait staff and retail workers."
"That was always one of my indicators when I was dating; how well they treated workers. My boyfriend is great. He used to work at a restaurant so he gets it." - fotofae6
"When I was dating, if the guy was an @ss to servers or customer service folks, it was a hard pass. I don't have time for that kind of negativity in my life and it's usually indicative of much bigger maturity/attitude issues." - turtlebugchey
Body Shaming Shenanigans
done that's all folks GIF by Real housewives of AtlantaGiphy"I was on a date with a guy whose whole personality was basically 'My family is rich.' "
"We were walking down a city street and he said 'I'd really like a burrito!' I mentioned that there was a place around the corner that I loved."
"He went: 'No.. we shouldn't. I don't want to end up looking like HER.' And gestured to an overweight woman who was well within earshot."
"Date over." - illuniuhai
Hygiene
Nbc Primping GIF by HULUGiphy"Being unclean. Amazing how fast I can lose a lady boner when I see a Bathtub that has never been cleaned and a carpet so black I'm afraid to walk on it."
"Also its amazing how many men have awful breath?? Like I'm attracted and then I go in for a kiss and I'm hit with awful death breath and suddenly I just wanna go home."
"Have good oral hygiene and carry some mints around (applies to all genders)" - SenPay_Me
"I had a guy friend stay over my place for 6 days and he only brushed his teeth 3 times... in 6 days."
"He constantly vapes and his teeth are yellow. And he still had the audacity to make suggestive moves on me as if I'd be interested!"
"Some people just need to get a clue." - chawcolate
"I went on a few dates with a guy, and then went back to his place to use the bathroom. His toothbrush looked absolutely disgusting, if he could put that in his mouth happily then I didn't want to know what else his hygiene was like."
"Another guy hid his teeth in his photos, but when I saw him in person I understood why. His teeth were rotten to f*ck."
"He tried to say he had some thing from when he was a baby that made it so all of his adult teeth just rotted away so he gave up cleaning them, and thought he could have the whole lot fixed with veneers."
"Except I work in dentistry, so it was great fun listening to his excuses but veneers would do nothing for his mess. Some teeth needed removing they were rotten down to the gum."
"Later on he asked if he could kiss me, and I said no thanks. He went on a rant about how he brushed his teeth for me, just in case I kissed him."
"F*cking hell mate, you should be brushing your teeth every day no matter what!" - Isgortio
How Would You Even Know?
days month GIFGiphy"Saying "it can't hurt that bad" when I have cramps" - smokymoonVR
"In addition to this, I've heard 'You get it every month so you should be used to it by now, right?' " - fluffbao
"Once had a guy say periods couldn't be that bad because 'women only lose 16 teaspoons of blood' per period."
"Jesus Christ I hope younger women aren't tolerating these insensitive pieces of sh*t." - Cold_Ad136
Anger Issues
Angry Grigor Dimitrov GIF by Tennis TVGiphy"Angry men scare me."
"They don't even have to be yelling about it. But just that tension, you can feel it that they are not in a good mood, a bit angry... That's frightening. I just do my best to avoid that altogether." - IiAshleyiI
"Getting really angry and aggressive when something bad happens."
"Yeah, I get it, it sucks when things suck, but if you're getting aggressive (yelling, slamming things, taking that tone that's like "if you even so much as LOOK at me wrong i'll bite your hand off for it") over it, that sucks. It's scary to people who are smaller than you." - Vishuual
These Gestures Are Offensive In Other Countries | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
People explain the friendly gestures in one country that are offensive in another. It's imperative to do a little research about the destinations and culture..."Ah, you met my father."
"Ladies, if you see this bullsh*t, RUN. Dad was an insufferable bastard."
"He chased the ducks with an axe cause he was mad; he threw the hammer at the sink because he was mad; he got into arguments and spat on a woman's car because he was mad; he waited in the parking lot with a gun because he was mad."
"You want no part in this, and your children don't deserve to grow up with bad associations with belts and metal spatulas."
"If he can't control his temper, he's not in good working order and should be sent back to the factory." - JustDiscoveredSex
Girlie Things
thrive love & hip hop GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphy"When men act like 'stereotypically feminine' things are bad and refuse to try them; like taking a bath, a certain drink, lighting a candle or wearing nice scented colognes." - stressandscreaming
"This. I asked my father if he thought my wallet was cute and he responded that I had to reframe the question because as a man he can't use that type of word."
"What the hell is that all about??? Your masculinity will still be intact even if you say cute, or take a bath, or whatever. Calm down." - Broadway_Baby_99
"My boyfriend's brother called him a 'f-g' for drinking a wine cooler at a summer party."
"His cousin, who purchased them for us, was ranting for like 5 minutes like: 'never make me buy girl drinks again, I looked GAY!' and I straight up just wanted to slip into a coma to escape these people." - TrashSea1485
"My boyfriend is like that. He won't use shampoo if it was advertised for women; it's f*cking shampoo???" - Little_Hobbit
Glorified NPCs
Video Games 90S GIFGiphy"You can tell when a guy thinks of women as glorified NPCs."
"NPCs are the programmed characters in video games who say one or two sentences, and give you things if you complete the right side quest, and very little else. They stand there, waiting for you to come, and have literally no purpose outside of interacting with you for that single moment you're there."
"Many men treat people, especially women, like this."
"They don't really consider or think about the thoughts women have, what they may do when they're alone if it doesn't directly affect them, what their opinions are unless it changes how they act, etc. If it doesn't directly serve their purpose, they don't care."
"The conversations, the depth of what they speak out, just never goes beyond puddle-deep because they don't trust women to form those thoughts, and most of the time men aren't even aware they do this, it's just so deeply socially conditioned for them."
"You can always, always tell after a very short time of meeting a guy either in the workplace or on a date or in any other situation, whether or not he's thinking about the right things to say and put the right tokens in for sex to pop out."
"It becomes extremely stark when you see him behave towards other men as opposed to other women." - No-Bewt
"This is the best explanation of the 'pick up artist' mentality ever."
"They think they have to just pick the right conversation options to complete the quest of getting laid and that they can just watch the walkthrough by someone on YouTube who completed the quest already and copy them." - OktoberSunset
Free Emotional Labor
tom cruise whatever GIFGiphy"Getting really intense about our relationship really early on."
"A lot of guys turn women into this kind of fantasy thing that's supposed to make them whole, help them change, complete them, help them grow or whatever."
"Sir I am the main character in my own life, not just a supporting one in yours."
"When you put that pressure on me right away, I know that I don't actually matter. What matters is that you have access to someone's free emotional labor and you've been taught that women serve you." - xojoma
"Getting that intense at any point in the relationship is bad. Telling someone 'You're the only thing I have.' is manipulative bull."
"You have your life. I have my life."
"We meet somewhere in the middle." - herpaderpadont
"I'm afraid to have a relationship with a girl because I don't want to end up doing exactly this to her" - BokBok95
So, Single Men... as you can see there are LOTS of things that will get you nowhere - but it mostly boils down to respect. Respect yourself, your environment, your body, other humans and the fact that they have lives, etc.
Relax. It's great for your dating life.
Sincerely,
Everyone
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Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor lilac_cup asked:
"Which tv series has aged like milk?"
The handling of these controversial TV story lines seem so careless in retrospect.
Addressing Child Abuse
"The very first episode of Hill Street Blues has two cops breaking up a domestic disturbance caused by a woman finding her man f'king her 15yo daughter. The man is told not to be sh**ty, the woman is told to put out more and the child is told not to be so tempting. Then the cops leave, patting themselves on the back for a job well done."
– kifferella
The Teacher's Secret Relationship
"Pretty Little Liars. I think even at the time, the teacher dating his 16 year old student storyline was considered creepy, but in 2022 it’s honestly unbelievable that was ever portrayed in any kind of positive light. Also that her parents didn’t immediately just report him to the police."
– ColdFIREBaker
Forbidden Attraction
"Not the whole series but Ally McBeal. In one episode Ally found out her bf is bi and her reason breaking up with him was she afraid that one day her bf would be attracted to their son."
– thrussie
These reality shows would never fly in a "woke" world.
Racist Cringe
"There was a reality show on Fox called 'Black. White.' Where they put a white family in blackface and a black family in whiteface."
"Just reading about it, it turns out the white family wasn't even a real family. They were unrelated actors."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black._White.
– MichaelJAwesome
Extreme Makeover
"Extreme makeover. I remember watching this show as a kid and being like oh wow they’re fixing all these ugly people with plastic surgery and making them happy. I just think that caused a whole generation to think they could change their body with money. Show lasted like 4 seasons. Couldn’t imagine that show today."
– thenightshifters
Teen Exploitation
"Secret life of an American teenager."
"Just what…."
– carlirodriguez8
A Critique
"My god this show was terrible. My wife’s sister was into it and we ended up watching a lot of it when we were dating. I think they tried to make the banter like Gilmore Girls, but it ended up being the characters repeating their current plots and arcs over and over. I don’t remember the characters at all, but the main character was such a horrible person, and the audience is supposed to root for her."
"The main things I remember about it were the religious girl claiming she killed her dad by having sex with her boyfriend, and apparently you go to Bologna to get bjs."
– MachFighterG
So-Called Expert
"You Are What You Eat."
"Host Gillian McKeith (or to use her full medical title, Gillian McKeith) was an absolute quack with an online medical qualification from a Mickey Mouse university. She pretended to be a scientist by being recorded standing around in a lab wearing a white coat, spouted unscientific nonsense that anyone who had done a GCSE in science could see through, and was obsessed with getting people to shit in Tupperware boxes."
"It got cancelled after the final series when you had to have her move in with you. In the last few years she popped up again as a prominent anti-vaxxer once COVID vaccines became available."
– MattBD
These pageant shows glorifying good looks and talent would never be greenlit today.
Performing Pressure
"Dance moms- used to be entertaining, now all I can see is the psychological effects it must’ve had on those girls."
– KE789
"Americas Next Top Model has to be #1."
"From all the behind the scenes sh*t that went on in production to what the show actually shows. It’s all just horrendous."
– Nickster1619
From Ugly To Beautiful
"The Swan, was 2 women who are considered 'ugly ducklings' participating in a pageant against each other after undergoing a three-month transformative process aka having heaps of plastic surgery."
– twozedzed
Psychological Downer
"Right?! How were they allowed to do so many procedures in such a short time while completely isolating these women from their families? Making them diet and exercise while healing from a tummy tuck, breast implants, and veneers?! The 'therapy' sessions were a joke and were just for show while these poor women with low self esteem were preyed upon for entertainment. Just out of a safety and medical prospective…wow."
– Snoo-8746
Judging The Reflection
"Didn't they also not allow the contestants/patients to have mirrors the whole time so they were surprised when they saw themselves? Psychologically having massive changes like that and it being sudden is extremely bad for your brain, you can end up rejecting the reflection because it's not 'you.'"
– Delouest
As audiences evolve, so does the writing and development of all forms of entertainment.
But because the changes are gradual, it is jarring when looking back and noticing how offensive and isolating some of these shows can be.
Times sure have changed in the world of entertainment–mostly for the better.
Curious to hear experiences from strangers online, Redditor WallStreetDoesntBet asked:
"People who moved out of the parent’s house before 30, how?"
Most people can't afford to live on their own.
Roommate Is Key
"yeah this exactly. I've never lived by myself, was roommates until I got a serious girlfriend and now fiance. There's exactly 0% chance of me being in the same position I'm in financially if I had been paying full rent all those years."
– lick_me_where_I_fart
Not A Care In The World
"I was 17, we had 4 of us in a ghetto 2bd apt (bunkbeds) we had a beer bong on a lanyard screwed to the ceiling. We'd have keggers, party's every weekend and always had randoms crashing on the floor. Could barely afford to feed myself and pay bills but still not a worry in the world and it was the best time of my life."
– ApprehensiveAd6006
One inconvenience shared by many was the sacrifice of a good, home-cooked meal.
Change Of Scenery
"Just needed a little R&R."
"Roommates and Ramen."
– SudoPuff
The "Wild" Years
"This, lol. I was kicked out at 16 and after couch-surfing for a few months I moved into a studio apartment with 4 other people."
"When I say we were poor, I mean poor - most of us didn’t have jobs. I lived off the worst of the worst food. Knockoff ramen. Dollar store canned veg. Rice and terrible year old pasta."
"It was a wild few years."
– Vetiversailles
Rice For Life
"Or rice. I lived off rice for a full year. Fancied it up by adding some salsa, and then extra fancy by also adding ranch dressing."
"Those were hard times."
– Ok_Opinion_
Having work definitely makes things easier.
Saving Up To Leave
"Started working while I was in school. Got out as soon as I could."
– ReallyIdleBones
Not Much Fanfare
"Yep, moved out for college in 2006. Came back for the summer in 2007, but thereafter I got an internship so I just stayed in the city. Got a job at the same place after I graduated."
"It was never some big moment for me (my parents are fine, just annoying), just a natural progression for me."
– Zerole00
Building A Life
"At 18. Worked in construction. Lived on a couch with 6 buddies in one house paying for college. Bought cheap land during the recession. Then built my own house."
– ReubenZWeiner
Not moving out by choice seemed to be a common shared experience.
High Turnover Rate
"Got kicked out at 14. Finished high school sleeping on friends couches while serving tables. Had a ton of roommates for the next 10 years. At any given time I was living with like 3 or 4 people, it was never boring haha"
– herriotact
Different Parenting
"I am hearing that so many people are actually kicked out in the really young age is well."
"But i am not getting that why parents are so tough because in my country they try to keep them under their wings."
– wowoao
Tough Love
"My friends parents were going to kick him out immediately after he graduated high school simply because 'That's what their parents did when they were his age.' His Dad fully expected him to go out at 18 and buy a house because 'he was able to.'"
"Then his Dad got pissed when my friend did not buy a house and went to live with his uncle instead. Even after his uncle broke down the whole 'Your mortgage is $2200/month with taxes and you expect your son, who works part time at $7.25 an hour to afford a mortgage? With no credit history?'"
"Some parents do it out of tough love. Some parents do it because they shouldn't have had children. Some parents still think the world is the same as it was in the 70s-80s and think minimum wage part time employees can thrive."
– bangersnmash13
Placed Expectations
"My parents didn't kick me out, but there was definitely an expectation for me to be moved out and financially independent at 18. My mother walked into a job as a radio DJ at the age of 18 and then became a journalist with only a high school education a few years later (early 1970s), so she had this expectation that I could do the same. The thought of me being able to do anything like that in the 2000s was laughable."
– pie12345678
I moved out of my parents' house because I booked my first professional gig on a cruise ship.
It couldn't have worked out better. I was paid to perform on board in the shows while my rent was already taken care of since I lived and worked on the ship.
I packed one suitcase and traveled the world doing what I loved for about two years. It was the best way to transition into an exciting new chapter in my adolescent life.
What's your moving out story?