Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash

Dear Single Men,

Please just ... like ... chill. The gist of this whole article basically boils down to that. I promise.


There's no magic formula. You don't need to be a "pick up artist."

You're not still single just because you're short, guys.

It's not because you think Crocs are a formal shoe, even though they're just not. People will be willing to forgive that if you rock it with enough swag.

It's not any of that stuff.

Reddit user SmootPapi asked:

Girls of reddit, what are everyday things men do that turn you off?

Weirdly, Single Men, nowhere on this list was there anything like 'drive the wrong car' or 'have clean nails.' What DID make the list was:

Innuendo *heh-heh*

person innuendo GIF Giphy

"When you're having a normal conversation and he turns it sexual, with no prompting or leading. We were literally talking about work and next minute he turns it into naked massages."

"Yeah, nah thanks." - NorthernSuburbNanny

"I was in group therapy and the therapist was talking about facials for self-care."

"The guy sitting next to me, who I hadn't actually spoken to much prior to this, turned to me and went 'I could give you one of those.' " - paredclia

"Oh my god I can't even describe how much I hate that. I love dirty jokes, innuendos etc. but if you turn every single thing into something sexual just know I'm leaving." - xtnts

"Bi guy, can confirm that gay and bi guys do it too. I wish more straight guys knew what that felt like."

"I remember one date where I probably would have gone to bed with him - if he'd just shut up about sex for five minutes so we could get to know each other first. Every topic I tried to introduce just got an awkward segue into something sexual."

"I get it, dude. You want sex. So do I. Just let me retain a tiny bit of self-respect in the process." - madsci

The Best

Video Games Lmao GIF by Bounce Giphy

"Turning everything into a competition."

"There's a certain subset of guys who think they can impress you by being 'the best' at something. Not just good, but specifically, 'the best.' "

"This leads to them gatekeeping and putting you and others down in order to prove their superiority, and this kind of behavior is just annoying." - Korrin

"Haha I remember a guy like this at University and he earned the nickname 'Topper' because anything you could do, he could 'top.' Needless to say none of us lady folk swooned." - Tea_Breeze

The Staff

rude bon qui qui GIF Giphy

"Being rude to strangers, especially wait staff and retail workers."

"That was always one of my indicators when I was dating; how well they treated workers. My boyfriend is great. He used to work at a restaurant so he gets it." - fotofae6

"When I was dating, if the guy was an @ss to servers or customer service folks, it was a hard pass. I don't have time for that kind of negativity in my life and it's usually indicative of much bigger maturity/attitude issues." - turtlebugchey

Body Shaming Shenanigans

done that's all folks GIF by Real housewives of Atlanta Giphy

"I was on a date with a guy whose whole personality was basically 'My family is rich.' "

"We were walking down a city street and he said 'I'd really like a burrito!' I mentioned that there was a place around the corner that I loved."

"He went: 'No.. we shouldn't. I don't want to end up looking like HER.' And gestured to an overweight woman who was well within earshot."

"Date over." - illuniuhai

Hygiene

Nbc Primping GIF by HULU Giphy

"Being unclean. Amazing how fast I can lose a lady boner when I see a Bathtub that has never been cleaned and a carpet so black I'm afraid to walk on it."

"Also its amazing how many men have awful breath?? Like I'm attracted and then I go in for a kiss and I'm hit with awful death breath and suddenly I just wanna go home."

"Have good oral hygiene and carry some mints around (applies to all genders)" - SenPay_Me

"I had a guy friend stay over my place for 6 days and he only brushed his teeth 3 times... in 6 days."

"He constantly vapes and his teeth are yellow. And he still had the audacity to make suggestive moves on me as if I'd be interested!"

"Some people just need to get a clue." - chawcolate

"I went on a few dates with a guy, and then went back to his place to use the bathroom. His toothbrush looked absolutely disgusting, if he could put that in his mouth happily then I didn't want to know what else his hygiene was like."

"Another guy hid his teeth in his photos, but when I saw him in person I understood why. His teeth were rotten to f*ck."

"He tried to say he had some thing from when he was a baby that made it so all of his adult teeth just rotted away so he gave up cleaning them, and thought he could have the whole lot fixed with veneers."

"Except I work in dentistry, so it was great fun listening to his excuses but veneers would do nothing for his mess. Some teeth needed removing they were rotten down to the gum."

"Later on he asked if he could kiss me, and I said no thanks. He went on a rant about how he brushed his teeth for me, just in case I kissed him."

"F*cking hell mate, you should be brushing your teeth every day no matter what!" - Isgortio

How Would You Even Know?

days month GIF Giphy

"Saying "it can't hurt that bad" when I have cramps" - smokymoonVR

"In addition to this, I've heard 'You get it every month so you should be used to it by now, right?' " - fluffbao

"Once had a guy say periods couldn't be that bad because 'women only lose 16 teaspoons of blood' per period."

"Jesus Christ I hope younger women aren't tolerating these insensitive pieces of sh*t." - Cold_Ad136

Anger Issues

Angry Grigor Dimitrov GIF by Tennis TV Giphy

"Angry men scare me."

"They don't even have to be yelling about it. But just that tension, you can feel it that they are not in a good mood, a bit angry... That's frightening. I just do my best to avoid that altogether." - IiAshleyiI

"Getting really angry and aggressive when something bad happens."

"Yeah, I get it, it sucks when things suck, but if you're getting aggressive (yelling, slamming things, taking that tone that's like "if you even so much as LOOK at me wrong i'll bite your hand off for it") over it, that sucks. It's scary to people who are smaller than you." - Vishuual

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"Ah, you met my father."

"Ladies, if you see this bullsh*t, RUN. Dad was an insufferable bastard."

"He chased the ducks with an axe cause he was mad; he threw the hammer at the sink because he was mad; he got into arguments and spat on a woman's car because he was mad; he waited in the parking lot with a gun because he was mad."

"You want no part in this, and your children don't deserve to grow up with bad associations with belts and metal spatulas."

"If he can't control his temper, he's not in good working order and should be sent back to the factory." - JustDiscoveredSex

Girlie Things

thrive love & hip hop GIF by Robert E Blackmon Giphy

"When men act like 'stereotypically feminine' things are bad and refuse to try them; like taking a bath, a certain drink, lighting a candle or wearing nice scented colognes." - stressandscreaming

"This. I asked my father if he thought my wallet was cute and he responded that I had to reframe the question because as a man he can't use that type of word."

"What the hell is that all about??? Your masculinity will still be intact even if you say cute, or take a bath, or whatever. Calm down." - Broadway_Baby_99

"My boyfriend's brother called him a 'f-g' for drinking a wine cooler at a summer party."

"His cousin, who purchased them for us, was ranting for like 5 minutes like: 'never make me buy girl drinks again, I looked GAY!' and I straight up just wanted to slip into a coma to escape these people." - TrashSea1485

"My boyfriend is like that. He won't use shampoo if it was advertised for women; it's f*cking shampoo???" - Little_Hobbit

Glorified NPCs

Video Games 90S GIF Giphy

"You can tell when a guy thinks of women as glorified NPCs."

"NPCs are the programmed characters in video games who say one or two sentences, and give you things if you complete the right side quest, and very little else. They stand there, waiting for you to come, and have literally no purpose outside of interacting with you for that single moment you're there."

"Many men treat people, especially women, like this."

"They don't really consider or think about the thoughts women have, what they may do when they're alone if it doesn't directly affect them, what their opinions are unless it changes how they act, etc. If it doesn't directly serve their purpose, they don't care."

"The conversations, the depth of what they speak out, just never goes beyond puddle-deep because they don't trust women to form those thoughts, and most of the time men aren't even aware they do this, it's just so deeply socially conditioned for them."

"You can always, always tell after a very short time of meeting a guy either in the workplace or on a date or in any other situation, whether or not he's thinking about the right things to say and put the right tokens in for sex to pop out."

"It becomes extremely stark when you see him behave towards other men as opposed to other women." - No-Bewt

"This is the best explanation of the 'pick up artist' mentality ever."

"They think they have to just pick the right conversation options to complete the quest of getting laid and that they can just watch the walkthrough by someone on YouTube who completed the quest already and copy them." - OktoberSunset

Free Emotional Labor

tom cruise whatever GIF Giphy

"Getting really intense about our relationship really early on."

"A lot of guys turn women into this kind of fantasy thing that's supposed to make them whole, help them change, complete them, help them grow or whatever."

"Sir I am the main character in my own life, not just a supporting one in yours."

"When you put that pressure on me right away, I know that I don't actually matter. What matters is that you have access to someone's free emotional labor and you've been taught that women serve you." - xojoma

"Getting that intense at any point in the relationship is bad. Telling someone 'You're the only thing I have.' is manipulative bull."

"You have your life. I have my life."

"We meet somewhere in the middle." - herpaderpadont

"I'm afraid to have a relationship with a girl because I don't want to end up doing exactly this to her" - BokBok95

So, Single Men... as you can see there are LOTS of things that will get you nowhere - but it mostly boils down to respect. Respect yourself, your environment, your body, other humans and the fact that they have lives, etc.

Relax. It's great for your dating life.

Sincerely,
Everyone

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