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Educators Who Taught Future Murders Reveal What They Were Like Before Their Crimes

Educators Who Taught Future Murders Reveal What They Were Like Before Their Crimes

Educators Who Taught Future Murders Reveal What They Were Like Before Their Crimes

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It's the gamble educators take. You never know what your students are going to be like until the day they walk through your door. Maybe they'll be beautiful angels. interested in every topic and engaged in every lesson. Perhaps they'll be nightmare children from beyond, haunting your every dream like a leech of disciplinary actions. Teachers and child-care providers can only take these children as they come, but what they can't predict is what happens after those students walk away. Sometimes, even the brightest students can fall to the darkest desires when real life happens. Reddit user, r/FoxMulderOrwell, wanted to know when they asked (Trigger Warning ahead):

[Serious]Teachers who have taught future murderers and major criminals, what were they like when they were under your tutelage?

A Waste

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One of my former students murdered two people, apparently on a drug deal gone wrong. He is now serving life in prison.

I had him in first grade. Sweet kid, highly intelligent. Seriously, he was reading on a third grade level...despite the fact that he came in late every day. Not just ten or fifteen minutes late, usually he would come in around 10:00. Dad was not in the picture (in prison for gang activity) and Mom was unconcerned about his education. I tried everything I could to impress on her just how intelligent her son was and how he had a very bright future but that he needed to be in school. She honestly didn't seem to care. He later dropped out when he was in high school, joined a gang, and things snowballed.

Such a goddamned waste.

LyricalWillow

When They Were Just Class Clowns

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Ive taught four students who have been involved with murders. 3 killed one guy together and the fourth shot a person at a hotel party and killed them.

I worked at an alternative school so they had behavioral issues. Only one of them struggled academically. They were all class clowns. The one thing that sticks out is that all of them struggled to fit in. They felt like they had something to prove. The three kids came in the day after they committed the murder. You could tell something was off. They left early and later we heard what happened. The whole situation is still really clear in my mind, f_*_ed up stuff.

Sabin122

When It Starts Small And Becomes Something Worse

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When I first started working as the English teacher at a public elementary school in Tokyo, one of the teachers was telling me about how the class's pet dwarf hamster Totoro had gotten out of his cage and accidentally been stepped on. He was a little guy, so it wasn't exactly a bloody scene, but nobody knew who did it, and all the kids were sad.

A few weeks later, one of the other class's pet guinea pig "got out" of his cage and was stepped on as well. Like, stomped flat. Very messy - and someone had clearly used some tissues to clean off their shoes before leaving the room. All of the students wear the same kind of in-school slippers, so it's not like we could go CSI on the situation and figure it out by shoe print, but one of the other teachers noticed that one girl in her class, a fifth grader, had some suspicious reddish smears on the edges of one of her shoes. The girl was called to the office, and parents were called.

The next day, the parents come in, and explain to the principal that they're moving their daughter to a new school. Basically, "she's not your problem anymore, so don't bother trying to call in child counselors or anything." So rather than make a big deal out of it all (which would have been a headache for everyone) the school let it all slide, because the girl was gone.

A few years later, there was a local news story about a Jr. High girl who'd assaulted another student. It sounded like she pushed the other girl down some stairs and then kicked her. They didn't publish names (because she's a minor), but word traveled down the grapevine pretty quickly that it was our former student. I'm not sure what happened to her after that.

Vomix

Strange Boy

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Taught a boy who was involved in a gang murder. Wasn't the one who did the actual murdering, but was part of the plan and found guilty under group enterprise.

He was a strange, strange boy. Highly disruptive throughout school, very weak academically, and one who always gravitated towards trouble.

superpaulyboy

When Time Stings

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So, I've taught a couple attempted murderers and quite a few major drug dealers, as well as students that would become accessories to murder (stuff like selling the eventual murderer a stolen firearm), so this isn't going to be super specific to one kid, but here goes:

The ones that truly gangbang hard tend to be the sweetest ones. They'll come up to me and ask how my spring break was, and answer questions in class, and defend me if students give me a hard time. Those ones are usually in too deep because the older heads tell them not to f**k around at school and get as many positive character witnesses as possible when they end up getting caught up. The ones that just joined a gang of their friends and go around selling a little bit of weed act a fool in class, because there's no authority structure telling them the gang doesn't need that kind of negative attention.

I've had heroin dealers in class, and the three or four of them were so kind, but trying to find the human inside them is so hard because of the drug abuse... it's like that episode of Black Mirror with the tiny person living inside their head. You want nothing more than to see them snap out of it, and sometimes they do: we had one of our most serious junkies graduate in December!

The ones who get to me the most are the ones that identify with me and then go out and do horrible things. I'm a younger dude that worked in the music industry so I have a lot of kids that just inherently think I'm cool despite tons of evidence to the contrary, so I'll know a kid for 3 years and love them to pieces and then see them in the paper for aggravated sexual assault. Those ones sting the most.

_Dont_Shred_On_Me_

Sometimes, There's No Surprise

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Had an 8th grader who was a jerk. Wouldn't listen, constantly disrupted the class, and put in little to no effort. Was a bully to the other students. Unfortunetly, our admin at the time was a push over so nothing ever happened when we would refer him or anyone else (one day he came back from the office and I overheard him telling a classmate when asked what happened that the principal "gave him some candy ane sent him back to class."

Cut to 6 years later, see his face on the news being arrested for a gang murder. Not the least bit surprised.

akak907

Not Allowed Pencils

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I volunteered a couple of times at an alternative school. One of my pastors was the principal there, so our church youth group would help out from time to time.

I was in a fourth grade classroom and was tasked with helping a boy learn to read. It was basic stuff, cat, dog, ran, etc. He had a task to spell cat and dog, and couldn't or wouldn't try to see the difference. He said he'd never need to know how to read, so why should he? I told him I'd draw some pictures of what the words were next to the words so he could try to memorize them. He said something along the lines of, "If you try to make me do this I'll slit your throat" Note, I am/was a 275 pound dude.

I told the teacher, who told me not to worry, that they check him daily to make sure he's not carrying a knife since he's had a few incidents. Not sure what happened to that kid, nothing good. She'd also previously told me he wasn't allowed pencils or pens and was only allowed to write with crayons due to his violent outbursts. If he's still alive he'd be around 25 now.

thunder2132

When They Get Inside Your Heart

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I teach at a community college where we have a program that allows high school students to take college level courses. One semester, I had a group of promising high schoolers in a 3D modeling class, and one student blew me away right from the start. Less than a week in, he had made this model of Claptrap from the Borderlands game series that was so detailed and perfect that it looked like it was ripped right from the game's assets (though it wasn't; I checked). I could tell right away that this kid was going places.

Well, the next week he wasn't in class. After missing a certain number of days, I'm obligated to call his school to let him know he's at risk of being dropped. Well, it turns out he was in jail. This student was apparently running a Twitter account where he publicly solicited and bribed people for child pornography, with some of the kids being as young as 1 year old.

faceimploder

Things Like Pizza Delivery Go Bad

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I taught at an alternative school for a year. I have several students who later ended up in jail for everything from robbery to murder. Most of them weren't surprising...these were kids who clearly had no family structure or discipline at home. And almost all of them were affiliated with gangs somehow. We even had middle school kids jumped into gangs at the school. But alternative schools get almost no support from anyone but the police. It's basically a step away from jail.

The one who committed murder killed a pizza delivery driver over a drug deal. He was actually somewhat surprising because he was far from the worst kid I dealt with. He was a skinny, nerdy looking kid with braces, but he was hanging out with all the hard gang members too. I dunno, maybe he felt like he had to prove himself.

_catching_signals_

Nothing Out Of The Ordinary

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When I was a student teacher I taught the younger of the Boston Bomber brothers.

To be honest I barely remember him. When the news broke I had to go back and check old spreadsheets in my laptop to make sure it was actually him.

He was only a freshman at the time. I would say he was a little quiet but nothing out of the ordinary.

MysterionVsCthulhu

Prom Night Turned Terrible

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While I was a student teacher, I taught a young man who planned a school shooting for the night of his prom. He had weapons and apparently fully intended to harm his classmates, but was arrested after he made some alarming comments. He seemed like a nice kid, but very strange and withdrawn. He used to try to make jokes and witty comments, but was just awkward and got shut down a lot. Honestly, he was exactly what you imagine a kid who has been bullied but still tries to make friends would be like. I suspect he was on the spectrum as well, but never diagnosed.

I feel bad for him despite the terrible things he planned to do. His classmates ended up raising a sizable amount of money and donating it to mental health charities, and they did eventually have their prom just before the end of the school year. The student served about six months in prison jail and was given a few years of probation.

_Ham_Kitten_

Already On The Wrong Path

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I am a teacher now, however I wasn't a teacher when this happened. I was working at a juvenile detention center, which they were saying was a "treatment" center. We were not a facility that held major offenders.

One kid was in there for getting caught with some marijuana. He was in for like 3-6 months, which was harsh for a first time offender, but the judge was notorious for this kind of thing. We had kids from that area who were sent to us after skipping school a few times.

He was really mellow. Liked to play card games and was very mature. When the younger kids would be starting fights or bickering, he would always distance himself and just sort of remove himself from everything.

A year after he left us, he was caught trafficking serious amounts of narcotics. He was sentenced to something like 20 years for that and the various offenses which led up to him getting caught.

AgentEmbey

Manipulating From A Young Age

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Grade 6. A small boy who talked tough and ran a mini gang of bigger boys. Poor student; the only thing he did well was athletics (amazing runner) but wasn't allowed on the teams because his marks were so bad.

His mother looked about my age and I was an undergraduate student teacher. I got that through word-of-mouth: I never met her because she'd cancel at the last minute any parent-teacher meetings. There were a lot of requests for these meetings. No father figure in his life. Free range kid in the worst sense; couldn't respect anyone more than two years older than him unless they were black or willing to throw down with him right there.

He knew how to manipulate people. He definitely manipulated me. About 10 years later I found out in the news he dropped out of high school to do gang things, and was part of an interview/study on rehabilitating kids like him. I don't buy any of it because it's the same stuff he told me. Also in the news article was that he shot some people in a condo and was later killed in a police shootout.

imperfectchicken

Straight From Desks To Prison Bars

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I've taught some kids who turned out pretty rotten and you could usually tell by their conduct during high school. However, one that sticks was these two LOVELY siblings. Great students; polite, well-mannered and tried hard academically. Both graduated.

Turns out that in their final years, they joined their father in distributing crystal meth. Straight from high school to prison.

whiteboardoracle

Going Into The Family Business

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Oh. The last one from this one school site. I worked there for 8 years and really loved it. It shaped me as a teacher and I got to work with thousands of amazing kids.

This one kid's dad was in a bike gang. I worked with him for a year as a sophomore. He hated school, the system didn't work for him and even though he acted out a lot and spent a lot of time suspended and expelled for smoking, drugs and kicking off, we maintained a respectful relationship. He barely completed any work the year, but I was just glad he came to classes. I didn't teach him again, but he always stopped for a chat and a bit of banter. He was adamant he didn't want to follow in his Dad's footsteps and started a construction course where he really excelled. He had found something he was naturally talented at.

A few years after he had left school he ended up working for his Dad - both the actual business front and the drugs, weapons and rivalry part. He was stabbed to death in a drug deal gone bad. I didn't go to his funeral as I hadn't seen him for a few years, but I expressed my condolences to his his family and friends. He was 19.

We had discussed the fact that he may end up in jail if he went into the family business - I never thought he wouldn't make it to his 20th birthday.

laurandisorder

There For A Day, Memories For A Lifetime

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I was a substitute teacher for a couple years. About two years after I stopped, one of the kids I had went to prison for two counts of attempted murder. The kid was an a**hole and by far the worst kid I had to deal with but nothing that stood out to me as murderer. He was expelled for hitting a girl but that was after I left so I don't know much about it.

jewishporkchop

Surprising, But Also Not

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I taught a student 6 years ago who recently committed a heinous double murder with 2 accomplices. Home invasion, tortured the middle aged married couple, and came back all weekend undiscovered to loot their home (with the bodies in the house). Police have clear surveillance video. He had apparently just been released from jail too. He was very sheepish about his poor grades and not smart at all. I would go as far to say one of the most illiterate kids I encountered. But he was always polite and respectful...not a trouble maker. He played on the basketball team. Pretty clearly had no support from home.

When I saw his mugshot on tv, I screamed. Surprising but also not I suppose.

mayorofmoomtown

Teaching Victim And Murderer

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As a substitute teacher I subbed several classes with a student who would later be responsible for murder. He was certainly an obnoxious character. Loud and disruptive.

I remember subbing him in P.E. He was being overtly aggressive in a game of indoor soccer and other students seemed to avoid him. I'm guilty of being slightly happy when he fell and injured his knee. Later I asked him how his knee was and he seemed caught of guard that I even remembered. I subbed the kid he murdered too. He was also a disruptive kid. I actually remember making him sit in the hall because he couldn't stop talking during a test but other than that he seemed like a nice kid. I even spent some time talking to him. I guess there was some kind of dispute over drugs. The guy beat the other kid to death. I'm not even sure he meant to murder him. He ended up burying him out in the desert and his body was quickly discovered in a shallow grave. Now he's got a life term.

From high school to prison.

HockeyMan5000

All Communications Lost

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One of my former students apparently was involved with selling the drugs that caused an overdose to a musician on a tour stop. Musician died.

I found out by seeing the sceenshots of her admission posted in a large social media group I didnt know we were both part of....

The internet age, right? She was a typical kid with an emo streak, it broke my heart to see this go down because she scrubbed all traces of herself from the internet, havent been able to reach out to her since

DickishUnicorn

Just Trying To Enjoy Michael Scott

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I am late to the party but I have a very serious answer here. I had a group of students that I was very close to. They were all in a gang, what they called the Fo-Deuce (4-2) gang. It was a local member of the Crips. Two of them in particular I took particular interest in, having them in my home for dinner once a week, tutoring them every day after school for all subjects. I picked them up for school and dropped them off every day. I got them both jobs and drove them to work. They had pretty violent backgrounds, but I trusted them. They were like my own children before I had my own, actual children.

Unfortunately, things started going downhill with the older one. He stole from my wife a lot of valuables, then refused to acknowledge he had done anything wrong since he said he needed it more than we did since his lights were off. I put up a pretty strong boundary with him after that and he stopped coming around as much, and started walking to school again, which means he didn't come very often.

The other student, X, had a horrible home. No parents, grandma couldn't really take care of him, siblings in jail or on drugs, etc. I offered to let him live with us for a few months for some reason that I can't remember now. It sounds stupid, but that actually worked out. He never took from us. He was always grateful. His grades went up a bit. He even got jumped out of his gang after I asked him to. It really was a nice beginning.

About 4 to 6 months into him living with us, we were watching The Office, and he was laughing really hard at some joke, when all of a sudden, he stopped laughing, got this real somber look, then got up, went to his room, and wouldn't talk to us. He got up the next morning and told us he wanted to move out. At first he wouldn't tell me why. After a while of pressing him, he said he felt guilty enjoying life while his sister had to live in back with his grandma. He felt he was ready to take care of her, and no amount of me trying to convince him he had to take care of himself first would dissuade him, so he moved out the following week. After he graduated the next year, I changed schools and slowly lost contact with him. He got fired from his job for no-call, no-showing three times in a month. I got him another job but the same thing happened. Finally we lost touch. This was about 7 years ago or so.

About 7 months ago I get an e-mail from a lawyer. He tells me that his client asked him to get in contact with me. It's X. He had been convicted of murder. There is a news article on it, but I don't think I should post it, even though it's public record and all, but he basically walked into a room, shot a guy he had no beef with for no discernible reason to anyone, then walked out without robbing him.

Garrotxa

More Than One Problem

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I taught three students that together went on to commit at least one at least locally high-profile murder, and probably others, and will likely die in prison as a result of them.

Two of them are brothers, Adam and Brian.

It became apparent pretty early on that their house had drug issues, and there was some serious neglect going on. Physical abuse, too, from little things the boys let slip. They rarely had lunches, never had winter coats, and their shoes regularly were being glued or duct taped together. They'd talk about fights at their house, drug use, drunk parents, all sorts of things. We reported everything the entire year they were in my classroom, trying to get some intervention (they were actually from a fairly large family, six or seven kids) but it never turned in to anything. As students, they were entitled and did things like cutting in lines, or taking someone else's candy, and rowdy, but not entirely stupid. I think the total lack of discipline at home, never having consequences for not doing homework, was a huge contributing factor to how they ended up.

Adam was not the brightest bulb. He was a follower, for sure, and a little bit of a bully. He'd posture to show off, but if you pressed him, he'd back down. Never had problems with him in the classroom, after the first week, just in the halls, or recess, or at the bus stops. Acted tough, but at least when I knew him, it was a fairly unconvincing act.

Brian was always kind, when neither of the other two co-murderers were around. A really quiet kid, a thinker. But he stuck by his brother like glue. I guess they didn't have much else going for them, nobody else to watch their backs, so they were 100% together in pretty much everything. I really hoped Brian'd end up in a better place. He was brighter, kinder, and patient. Liked to read. I had hope, with him. I thought, if any of them have a chance, it's him.

And if it weren't for the third kid they fell in with, Carl, he probably would have.

Carl was a problem kid, had a file thicker than a dictionary. I saw him stab a kid, for no reason, and then say it was because he wanted to see what happened. We had to remove all scissors from our classroom because he liked to cut things. He threw a desk, once. Mid-story time, no apparent trigger. Just got up, threw it at a girl, and then laughed when she started crying.

He was a nightmare on the bus, on the playground, and so on. He had a recess duty assigned to keep an eye on him, because whether he directly did it or not, kids got hurt when he was around. He talked about killing animals, going hunting, and about doing things like taking people into the woods, getting them really lost, and then leaving them to die. He was a creep. He liked to pick on little girls. Not the ones in his grade, but ones 4 - 5 years younger. He'd corner them and bully them to tears, sometimes physically snatching at their dresses, or pulling their hair. He was awful, and constantly in and out of the principal's office.

Adam worshiped Carl, or followed him around like it, anyway, and Brian, well, he stuck with his brother. It was so sad to see happening. They all lived in the same area, and knew one another outside of school, and I always got the impression that Brian was afraid of Carl.

I know some of the other teachers in the building were. Hell, I'll even admit I was, too. I was on constant guard with him in class. He even in elementary school was fully capable of doing some serious permanent harm, and we all knew it.

Together, while still in high school, they abducted and killed a classmate.

NotAnotherWhatever

H/T: Reddit

Old Wives' Tales People Still Believe For Some Reason

"Reddit user the_spring_goddess asked: 'What is an old wives tale that people still believe?'"

Close up of an owl tilting their head to side, looking bewildered
Photo by Josh Mills

The old wives' tales.

They are the stories of legend.

I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.

Where did they originate?

WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!

You don't hear about them as much anymore.

It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.

But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.

Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:

"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"

"Wait an hour to swim after eating."

What a crock!

So many summer hours wasted.

I want revenge for that one.

Say Nothing

Giphy

"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."

LonelyMail5115

"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."

I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA

Say Something

"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."

Severe_Airport1426

"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."

crappycurtains

"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."

AlbinoShavedGorilla

Body Temps

"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."

chriseo22

"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."

"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."

apocalypticradish

Arms Down

"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."

Fatmouse84

10 Years Actually

Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine Giphy

"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."

REDDIT

"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."

Gecko-911

I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.

This tale is haunting.

High/Low

Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace Giphy

"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."

LeastFormal9366

"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."

IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI

The Cursed

"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."

"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."

SmoreOfBabylon

Stay In

"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."

"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."

worldbound0514

Dreams and Facts

"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."

"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."

mattshonestreddit

"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."

Darthdemented

Cracked

Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office Giphy

"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."

Choice-Grapefruit-44

"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."

MacyTmcterry

I love my knuckles.

Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

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Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?