Dungeons And Dragons Players Share The Craziest Things Other Players Have Ever Done
Dungeons and Dragons is a gaming institution. So many youngins' gather in basements for good, clean medieval fun. They rattle away the hours being a goblin or a dragon. And apparently this pastime can last long into adulthood. Who knew? Just kidding, we're here in our questing best.
TIME TRAVEL PLANS CAN BE TRICKY!
I had a player wish for himself to be turned into a stone block. He'd been sent back in time somehow, I forget exactly how as this game happened in 1996, and was trying to find a way back. So he figured he could stand where the party was when he got sent back in time, wish himself to be turned into a stone block with a message chiseled on it reading "Wish for me to be turned into [character name]" His logic was they'd find the stone block waiting on their approach and his character would use his wish to change him back before being sent back in time.
So, I did that. Then I said to him, "Why didn't you just wish to go back to your own time?" He said, "Oh, I didn't think of that." And he was duly laughed at by everyone.
PAULA DEEN CAN'T HELP YOU NOW!
My players tend to do some ridiculous stuff to the point where I could probably fill an entire thread with their shenanigans, but the first and best would probably have to be weaponizing butter.
During the first session the party found themselves in a small town library trying to figure out what's going on. Among other things they found a book with 1001 uses for butter, just as a throwaway detail. They check it out as well and I think nothing of it.
After the session I ask for downtime actions and the party's mad scientist comes to me and says "I want to make explosive butter." I have him roll for it and he aces it. He then posts a picture to our facebook group along the lines of "chicken + stick of butter = [chicken shaped blast shadow] + cooked chicken"
The rest of the group runs with this and it leads to an ever increasing spiral of butter related weaponry and paraphernalia. Buying a cow to secure their own supply and hiding it in their basement. Adding some herbs and spices to the mix and creating the basting grenade. After building a BPG, a different player took a skill specialty in food-based weaponry.
This of course deserved an equally weird response in kind. See, this kind of abuse of butter didn't go unnoticed, namely by the butter deity herself, Paula Deen. She waged a campaign of harassment against the party for infringing on her domain, eventually culminating in summoning a skyscraper-sized sentient corn on the cob to crush them.
In the lore of this world, butter is now a highly controlled substance and the French have become the most formidable military power in the world. Even when telling non-butter related stories from this game, I can only ever refer to it as "Buttergame."
tl;dr: Players weaponize butter, antagonize Paula Deen, propel French to military supremacy
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST SAID BUT IT SOUNDS SUCCESSFUL.
The entire party was about to die until they rolled to see if a players weasel familiar could remove the cork from a health potion and pour it into the wizards' mouths. He could and they all lived.
THAT SOUNDS WAAAAY TO COMPLICATED.
They turned the game into SimCity.
PCs are thrown in into a dungeon for witchcraft, get broken out by an agent of the king, who knows they are innocent. Wants them to take down the guy who's going around accusing anyone he considers impure of witchcraft; because he's "cleaning up" the kingdom, he has the support of a lot of nobles who are bigoted fucks. That's why the throne can't act too openly against him, and decides to employ the PCs; if they kill him, everyone will just assume it's out of revenge.
King's agent basically gives them directions to where they can find this guy, but they get caught up on the detail of some of the nobles being in with him, and decide they want more details. They ask for an example, I throw out the name "Lord Hobbes" at random, and now the quest is suddenly "Investigate Lord Hobbes for corruption while completely ignoring the guy who is actually responsible for all of this".
So now I need to make a map of Hobbes' mansion and grounds for them to infiltrate, stat out guards and such, and invent something to happen. Turns out Hobbes is being blackmailed into compliance and isn't that bad a guy, he tries to hire the PCs himself to go after Witchfinder Douchebag so I can get things back on rails, and then just to tie off this plot cul de sac, one of the Witchfinder's agents kills him. PCs finally go after the guy they were supposed to go after, save the day, and as a reward I have the king give them Hobbes' title and mansion so I can reuse the nice map I made as their base, and all seems well. Of course, now they are technically the rulers of a small town.
Immediately this becomes their primary focus, ignoring any and all other plot hooks. They want to improve the town (which I now also need to map in detail), invest money, collect taxes, pass ordinances, improve trade routes, etc. Adventuring is now just a way to acquire funds and defeat threats to the town, which starts growing at an alarming rate. Gaming sessions are now 70% discussions on trade, revenue allocation, and fiddling with the town map.
YAY! PATSY FOR THE WIN!
In one of my campaigns we had a knight who relied on mounted combat to be effective. He told me after creating his character that he had a contingency plan should his horse die, and all the details. His character came with a buff and mute armorer named Patsy and a little squire (whose name as far as anyone knew was squire). I was hesitant to add so many characters, but since one was mute I allowed it.
Eventually his horse is killed and he turns a side eye to me and goes "I activate the contingency plan". All the other players are so confused and dying laughing, as he begins to execute his backup. He pulls a backpack harness out of one of his packs and straps it onto Patsy's back, then climbs in and grabs his lance, and yells "Yah Patsy!" He practically piggybacks the rest of the game in order to get his mounted combat bonus.
One of the other players asked "is Patsy okay with this?" And he responded "Patsy has long dreamed of this day"
ASK GOLDILOCKS ABOUT HE BEARS AND THEN GET BACK TO ME.
One of the early plot hooks was an excommunicated priest having a vision of an angry bear guarding a cave. They got into a debate reminiscent of the swallow-coconut debate in Monty Python about whether a bear can properly be said to be angry. They eventually decided to look for the bear, not to investigate the vision, but to see what an angry bear looks like.
HOW VERY GAME OF THRONES!
Session 1. First session all of us have ran in.
Save my daughter says the sad villager
OK says the party
Goes through the dungeon.
"I firebolt her"
Me: "what... What?"
The girl was an illusion and the mission was a trick to get the party to unearth an ancient evil. They figured out one half, the girl was a trick. Still unearthed the evil.
But the whole party including myself was very surprised to see the coward sorcerer shoot a firebolt at a child instead of the skeleton boss.
DOORS CAN BE DANGEROUS.
"I would like to sniff the door handle."
"You don't detect anything unusual."
"I would like to lick the door handle."
The party had to fight a powerful Merrow that had a talisman they needed. Instead of fighting him, they tricked him into marrying a baboon that they polymorphed into a beautiful mermaid, getting the talisman in exchange. It was so absurd that I had to go along with it.
THERE ARE NO RULES IN A CAMPAIGN ANYMORE.
This was far from the most surprising, but it was the most recent.
They'd driven a brother duo of dwarves from town (really duegar in disguise). Then they decided, that instead of following up on my elaborate plans for an Underdark-conspiracy campaign, that would instead fight the city council over the dwarf brothers abandoned forge...so that they could work an elaborate real estate scheme.
I'm trying to figure out which Underdark race would make the best realtors, in an attempt to get the campaign back on track.
EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE.
Rather than kill some hired thug that attacked them, they subdued him, tied him up, and questioned him. They gave him a name (Jimothy), and let him go, telling him that he was a good strong lad who'd be better-suited to a job in construction than this murdering business.
I threw in a cameo of him later, happy in his new job.
BOW TO THE DM!
Our DM always did custom campaigns. There would be special items made up by him and he would make unique classes for each of us to play. He was really good at it and our group played for years and had some awesome adventures.
One time I was leaning a little to hard into my chaotic evil side and long story short my team sold me to a group of devils from one of the planes of hell. They took me to this ancient relic thing that would transform me into a being of hell (what i got was based on my role from a percentage die so out of 100, 1%-95%being terrible 96%-100% being i might get something good). I had a one time use item where i could pick my roll, some mystic scroll about deciding fates. So i chose 100%. The dm turned me into a fallen archangel. Boys o boys did i knock that campaign off course when i showed back up.
DAMN THE RAVENS!!
Via a combination of spells, alchemy, and teamwork, they enlarged the wizard's raven familiar, shrunk the gnome, glued the gnome to the raven, and had the raven fly along city walls while the gnome lobbed spells at the guards.
NOW THERE IS A NETFLIX IDEA.
My players once pooled all of their cash at about level 4 to buy a tavern and retire instead of following the plot any further. That was it, campaign over. They decided to play medieval fantasy Its Always Sunny.
SOMETIMES IT'S THE SIMPLE THAT GETS YOU.
Failed the simplest puzzle I have ever made, instead choosing to trial and error their way across a floor covered in pressure plates.
OK. LET'S DIAL BACK THE CRAZY.
PLAYER: "I cast Death Spell."
ME: "Great. Do you target the Cultist swinging the golden ritual sickle, or the one holding the screaming baby?"
PLAYER: "I target the baby."
BE NICE. GOBLINS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. RIGHT?
Recently they were sneaking through a goblin nest when the ranger felt the foot of a sleeping goblin gently rest against her. It was meant to warn the players that the hollows surrounding them were filled with goblins and that they should continue to be careful.
She says "I reach out with both hands and choke it to death".
... wha... what?
A high roll later, the rest of the group see the ranger do this and proceed to pull bone daggers and other small weapons and follow suit. Now they are crawling in and out of dirt holes, murdering sleeping goblins left and right.
Normally their rolls are cursed but not this time. No low rolls, several natural 20s and a few minutes later they have brutally murdered ~50 goblins and are covered from head to toe in blood, high-fiving each other for being the good guys.
DON'T BE SO LOOMY!
They became obsessed with a random loom I threw in as flavortext.
Our sorc crit failed his arcana check on it which convinced him that it was The Loom of Great Portent.
Demonic rites were performed on it to help them make decisions and carted it around everywhere they went.
They started a band called the Loomineers. Their secret society was called the Illoominati. The Fellowship of the Loom to outsiders. Loom puns for days.
BAD REPUTATIONS AND GOOD TIMES
I gave my players a little more free will than a typical story arc, just to see what would happen. They inevetibly went evil, ransacking every town becoming a roving band of bandits, torturing key NPCs for info. When they got to a major city they couldn't walk through the main gate because of the bad reputation they gained, so they snuck in, took the king hostage, and launched him over the walls from a catapault claiming the city. When they finally met the main antagonist of my story arc instead of killing the Dark Lord, the Dark Lord joined the party because the party gained an incredibly evil reputation.
It was a hilarious story arc.
NEVER TRUST A CLERIC.
It was only surprising the first time, but I had a friend who always played a cleric.
Every single time, his character would buy the largest mount he could get (an elephant, usually). Then he'd ride it to death, make dry rations from its meat, animate it, fit it with heavy barding and travel around in comfort from inside its (now padded) rib cage.
Basically a cross between an RV and a tank.
Insults come in many forms, most of them involving swear words or similar affronts. However, there is something to be said for a truly cutting remark made without the use of such language.
Some favorites are always old Victorian slang and insults. They just hit different. Something about telling an a-hole “you sir are an unlicked cub and your wife a sausage wallet" is just more satisfying. Although we do not recommend going around insulting people, the list of swear-free insults below will certainly get a chuckle.
Redditor Beadiest_Cape wanted to hear the best cuss free insults out there and asked:
“What's the best insult you've heard without swearing?"
“After getting a compliment on his assignment, A buddy of mine leaned back in his chair and told our college professor, ‘I'm not as dumb as I look.’ To which he leaned forward on his podium and said, ‘You couldnt be.’” dusty_boots
“…and may God have mercy on your soul.”
“One of the best is from Billy Madison, ‘What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.’” maswriter
You should apologize…
“You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you'd better hope they don’t die.” WhatThatBoiDoin
“Whenever this question is posted, my favorite is usually along the lines of: ‘There's a tree somewhere in the Amazon jungle with sole purpose of producing oxygen you breathe. You should go find that tree and apologize." all_worth
How low can they go?
“The bar was on the ground and you grabbed a shovel” BlckAlchmst
“That reminds me of one comment i read saying: ‘the bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are dancing limbo with the devil’.” give_it_a_vodkashotSeries 2 Limbo GIF by BBC ThreeGiphy
"Having been born an infant, and realizing he quite liked it, he decided to stay one forever." overt-wan-kenobert
“From Casablanca: ‘You probably think pretty poorly of me don't you?’”
"’I would if I gave you any thought’" koiven
These teachers got clap backs for days…
“I had a teacher tell some kid ‘Nothing you have to say is of any consequence...to anyone.’ He was an odd teacher who kinda talked like that, but it was his version of savage. The room lost its sh*t in unison.” glib_battling
“I had a guy sit behind me in English class let out of fart that reverberated off the wooden seat. The whole class heard it. The teacher said ‘that's the most intelligent thing you've said all year’. Priceless” melbers22
“I was at a karaoke 50th the other night and this one caught my eye. Thankfully I wasn't drunk enough to sing it. But I love this song for its sick burn. Poor old Edie. Bob really gave it to her that time.” crankenfranken
Down the Monty Python rabbit hole…
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt... of elderberries!” UpTwoDownOne
“Elderberries were the cheap replacement for grapes in making wine. That is basically ‘your father is a drunk and can't afford the good stuff’.” ukezi
“And hamsters have sex all the time with no regard for monogamy.” draconum_ggg
“So, ‘Your mother is being cheated on but is also a w*ore and you father is a drunk who is also broke’.” EmpanadaDeMayonesa2
“‘My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a...middle.’ --Mal Reynolds”
"’It's not that I hate you, exactly; it's just that any admiration I have for you is well under control.’” FlourChild1026
Shakespeare master of insults…
“Straight from Shakespeare ‘I wish we could become better strangers’.” Dundeklil
“Also from Shakespeare: (Fallstaff, after Bardolf calls him fat) ‘Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life.’” driving_andflying
Excuse us while we go grab the burn cream.
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Aging is a sneaky process. Most of us don't realize how old we've gotten until we find we are no longer able to do things the way we used to with ease when we were younger.
Sure, it's depressing, but you know what? Aging happens to all of us, and no one is getting out of here alive.
"What gets worse with age?"
Physical consequences of aging is one of the cruelest things in life.
Watch Your Hyde
"Your skin. Take care of it. Skin cancer sucks."
What The Body Does With Food
"Every meal is followed by a poop."
"Bending over to pick a quarter off the ground. Hurts your back, gut and your fingers don't work. That's why there is change all over my floor. ;)"
After A Wild Night
"Hangovers for sure."
"At 18 I could go heavily drink and feel damn near 100% the next day. Now I get horrid mental and physical effects. Probably should quit drinking all together."
When our senses gradually start to fail us, it's yet another reminder of our brief mortality.
"Make sure you get your eye dilated every year and check for cataracts."
"My hearing is on the decline. I don't think it'll go completely, but I did get hearing aids last year."
The degeneration of certain abilities as we get older is too much to bear.
Staying Above Water
"My ability to cope. I'm just burnt out all the time."
"I feel the same. Aside from my family and friends, I have no care for anyone or anything anymore. Nothing phases me but that's not a good thing IMO. I feel very apathetic towards everything, I'm tired all the time and just want to lay down."
"The ability to sleep through the night."
"Used to be a world champion sleeper and now 5-6 straight hours is huge. Pretty much wide awake every night at 3am."
Putting Up With People
"Humanity.... The older I get the less I want to deal with people."
"Friendship - making new friends after your 20s becomes a big struggle, and the newer friendships just aren't the same. You can literally run out of 'lifelong friends' due to death, disease, people growing apart, etc."
I found as I'm getting older my patience and tolerance for certain things have gotten worse.
Waiting in line at the grocery store while someone fumbles with their payment option, or getting antsy when the food I ordered at the restaurant is taking way too long are things that never bothered me ten years ago.
I"m not curmudgeonly by any means, at least not yet. Besides, I'm not that old.
But to all the cranky elders I grew up with who complained about poor service or lack of efficiency, I get it now, and I hear you.
It's never easy to leave home.
Redditors that were kicked out before or at 18, what happened to your relationship with your parents afterwards?
Things outside your control, like divorce, shouldn't be the child's concern. If the parents don't handle things properly then unfortunately it ends up falling on the kid, forcing them to make the tough choice.
Putting Your Problems On Others
"Parents kicked me out when they got divorced and "couldn't afford to take care of me anymore."
"Struggled for a while but doing ok now. Don't talk to either of my parents and that seems to have improved my life quite a bit."
Suffering The Consequences
"My parents divorced when I was 12, dad had primary custody. He got a new girlfriend who hated me and my brother when I was about 16. My only request was they wait til I left for college to get married. He dumped me and everything that was mine in his house on my estranged mother's front lawn, jumped back in the car, and drove off a full two months before school started. They were married by August (on my mother's birthday)."
"I moved out of my mom's place as soon as I made a friend in the new city 500 miles from where I grew up using $400 a month he gave me for expenses to keep him from feeling too guilty about it (my mom's alimony payments expired right around the same time I left, so he just gave it to me instead of her, he did the same thing when he forced my brother out after I graduated. I joke when he's old I'll find him a nursing home that costs $400 a month so see can see what that buys you.)"
"I begged to be allowed to come back for holidays every year for a decade. I had to listen to my dad call me every holiday with his new wife's kids clearly there in the background and when I asked about it he would just sigh. One time he had me call his wife to ask her and she just spent 5 minutes cursing at me and telling me I was awful. I was maybe 19 and had never had any real trouble, legally, academically, or socially. I spent summers on my friends couches so I could go back to see them at least. He would try to meet up with me, but I was just so angry and hurt I usually didn't tell him I was in town."
"He is still shocked I don't want anything to do with him now that I'm older. He still thinks I deserve everything I got, which I know because it was the last thing I ever let him say to me before calling it officially done. He won't be at my wedding. He won't ever know my husband or my family. I'm done."
"Did fix my relationship with my mom eventually though. She was actually sorry for the time we missed and glad to have me back in her life. I'm also still tight with my brother."
Growing To Understand The Decision
"I was kind of a b-tch as a teenager, moved out at 17 after she gave me an ultimatum, didn't talk to my mom for three-ish years, then only on holidays. Then I moved back in with her for 6 months, which was not fun as someone 21 years old who had been on their own for 5 years prior."
"I did a lot of work in therapy and we repaired our relationship. She's now one of my best friends, we live about ten minutes apart, and I go over just to chat a few times a week."
"I hated her at the time, but I have grown to understand that she was trying to do the best with what she had. Also, I was a very difficult child."
You know what's a perfectly reasonable solution to not having a home to live in?The military, apparently.
(Only join if you feel that it's right for you. Don't let anyone make you join.)
Military Or Bust
"Six months before I was 18 my grandmother was adamant that she was going to take me to enlist in the military and I said no, so she wanted me out at 18. I arranged to move in with my gf."
"By the time of moving day, my grandmother was acting like our spat never happened- "keep in touch" "don't be a stranger" "dont burn any bridges". I only really interacted with her at family gatherings after that, and I have her on Facebook so she can keep up-to-date without me actively taking to her."
No, Really. Military Or Bust.
"My mom always said that "had to be out" at 18 once I graduated. I honestly took this to heart. I didn't have a bad relationship with my parents, but I was also left to raise myself most of the time."
"I graduated at the beginning of my senior year, was 18, and moved the f-ck right out, joined the military shortly thereafter. My mom had a fit. I thought this was what she wanted."
"I'm "OK" with my folks, but I basically left for 5 years and stopped calling. Still very much independent, very successful, and have very little of what is a relationship with them. I didn't have role models or people to guide me. I'm a parent in my 30s and I'm trying to unf-ck everything and treat my child like she should be treated, lots of attention and love. I'm salty about the way I was raised; I often upset at them. The more I grow, the more distance I out between myself and my parents."
"I'll be sure go guide my kid and not make her leave home asap."
A Fizzled Relationship
"I was 17 when my mom and I had a huge fight. She said, "If you walk out the door, don't bother coming back" - one of those empty threats. Of course she was surprised when I packed some bags and took off. I stayed with a guy that I had been seeing for a couple of months."
"That relationship fizzled out fast and I wound up coming back home. Learned fast that he was a drug user. He was also staying at his brother's house and said it was cool that I was there. But then the brother announced he was coming home - and that was it for me."
"Took a long time to patch things up with my mom. We started getting along better later in my life. It took a long time to get there though. My dad and I always got along well."
Then there's these situations, far outside the reasonable control of any child. Abuse and divorce are situations which shouldn't be placed at the feet of someone under 18, but this is how it goes sometimes.
Burning That Trust
"It's a long, ugly story. But yes, it did change everything. I still harbor resentment toward my mom for caring more about getting my stepdad out of jail than making sure I was OK or taking me to the hospital. I'll never stop loving my mom and I know she loved me back, but it was clear that her men sat higher on her priority list than I did. I was 16, he didn't even have a legal right to kick me out in the first place."
"And I obviously never trusted my stepdad again. I haven't talked to him since my mom died in 2010 and I hope I never see him again. I couldn't care less about how his life is going, I have more important things to focus on."
Lose A Key? Get Out.
"When I was 16 my mom invited her alcoholic boyfriend to move in with us. He hid his drinking quite well, and he hid the violent outbursts he had towards me even better. I tried talking to my mother and grandmother about it and they accused me of lying because I "just didn't like him". The whole thing snowballed and, because my dad wasn't talking to me or my sibling at the time (a key fell out of my pocket before I left for school, got locked out of the house for a couple hours. Apparently that was the worst thing ever and justified a massive argument and falling out), I ended up on a bus to a different city at 2am to live with a friend whose dad owned a roofing business.
Spent a few months hating every second of it and trying to make it on my own. Eventually, my mom's boyfriend started to go after my sibling, and it all ended when he threw a glass of water at them (glass included) in front of my mom. I was able to go back home, but things were never the same and I fell into a deep depression and it left me with some trust issues, especially with people around the age I am now. It also left me with an odd aversion to physical labour"
"A lot more has happened since then, despite repeated attempts to reconcile our relationships. I ultimately decided that I can't be around them, and that it's best to keep my distance from family. I talk to my parents once a year, on Boxing Day, and that's all the time and attention I'm willing to give to them"
Getting Out Of The House No Matter What
"I grew up in an extremely abusive household. Every category of abuse you can imagine."
"When I was 16 I was given a choice to either leave or go to foster care, so I packed what little I had and moved to another state. That was nearly 12 years ago."
"My relationship with my parents is strained at best, I rarely speak with either of them any more and I plan to change my legal full name and leave the country, so that I am not associated with them in any way, shape or form."
Keep your head on your shoulders. Have a plan. If it feels like you're set to be kicked out or, even worse, forced to leave for your own safety, start preparing.
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Like it or not, we've all met a liar or two. Some lies aren't so obvious either, and if the individual has a habit of lying regularly, then that's a sign that they could have a larger problem. Some lies are more innocent––we know those as "little white lies"––and typically don't harm anyone.
And some lies are just obvious and absurd––even entertaining. Why do people say these things? In truth (ha), the reasons might be complicated and the individual might not even be aware. We heard all about them after Redditor Mobile_Sturgeon asked the online community,
"What was the most obvious lie you've ever heard?"
"My friend told us..."
"My friend told us he was born mid-flight, and that it was on the exact border between Scotland and the USA, so he was half American, half Scottish."
This person has never looked at a map, have they?
"He then showed me..."
"My regular job is as a club promoter, I just work here [crappy retail franchise] for fun money." He then showed me a generic picture of a Ferrari and said that was his car.
Bonus lie, he told everyone he was 28 when he was clearly in his mid to late 40s."
"I stopped believing it..."
"My grandma got me to eat bread crusts when I was a toddler by telling me they're made of broccoli and cauliflower. I stopped believing it in a few months but it worked."
Ha! The creative little white lies that grandparents make up!
"My husband forgot..."
"My husband forgot to wake me up after promising me that he would. When I woke and realised that I may get late, I was pissed and asked him why he didn't wake me up as he'd promised, he told me that I was looking so cute, sleeping, that he didn't want to disturb me.
Well, after six years of togetherness, that is so obvious a cover-up for having forgotten something that I broke out laughing."
Oh, they totally forgot. But it sounds like you two are very much in love, so that's great!
"Aside from this bizarre quirk..."
"A guy at my local pub claimed to have written just about every popular song you could name, and when called out would get mad and come up with elaborate stories to explain how, for example, he had written "Stairway to Heaven" when he was 10 years old and been ripped off by Led Zeppelin.
Aside from this bizarre quirk, he seemed totally normal. Had a proper job and everything."
You meet some odd characters in pubs, but they're typically not hurting anyone, so leave it be.
"A friend of mine..."
"A friend of mine once told me a great story about something funny they did. It was hilarious.
Problem was, it was MY story. I had told it to him six months before. He told me the whole thing almost verbatim, only he had inserted himself where I had been in the story. I think that's my favorite."
"I had an employee..."
"I had an employee who was 45 minutes late to work and he told me with a straight face that he had to wait for a family of ducks to cross the road, and that's why he was late."
You have to admire his chutzpah, don't you? I cracked up at this.
"A friend I had in high school..."
"A friend I had in high school wanted me to come with her to Texas to visit her brother. Presumably, he was in a gang and had a million guns and robbed banks all the time. As if I've never seen a Western before.
Also she's adopted. She has a foster sister, a foster mom, and a pet dog named Snowball. I've been to her house. She has no brother."
"A girl I went to high school with..."
"A girl I went to high school with was neurotic about grades and rankings, etc. During the college application process, she was rejected from a school that accepted one of my close friends. We were discussing the school after class one day and this girl said 'Yeah, they rejected me but sent a letter saying they did it because I should go somewhere better given how strong my scores and grades are.'
That was very nice of them!"
Very nice of them, indeed! You'd think they'd be tripping all over themselves to have her!
"The more he spoke..."
"A security guard that works at a grocery store I once worked at said that he had been in Iceland. I asked him about the penguins he saw. He blabbed on about species of penguins that he created on the spot and that he was stationed there for military purposes. The more he spoke, the more the lie snowballed."
Pathological liars can benefit from psychotherapy, which can pose its own challenges because the liar isn't in control of their lying and could begin lying to their therapist.
"Treatment will depend on what the person needs and what they respond to during therapy sessions," as noted by WebMD. "Finding a qualified, experienced therapist who can work with someone over the long term is the key to managing the condition.
If you or a loved one needs help, seek help today.
Have stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below.
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