Listen, I am in absolutely no position to mock anyone for believing something silly well past when they should have. I believed the moon followed me around like a space-puppy til I was about 12.
So when one Reddit user asked:
It was kind of nice to see a bunch of fellow self-professed cabbageheads just own it. "Yeah, I was kind of a moron. Here's how..."
No shame. Believing you're the moon princess can happen to the best of us.
I was once told that (British TV presenter) Jeremy Beadle's hand had such small fingers because of a condition (poland syndrome) that meant he had to have his fingers replaced, and that his fingers were, in fact, pigs toes.
For years, this was a piece of obscure general knowledge that I would break out when i felt the need to display the breadth of my weird knowledge.
And it went down really well until the days someone finally said "Don't pigs have hooves?"
I don't know that I have ever experienced such a moment of butt-clenchingly cringey embarrassment
Cursing Santa's Namecollege accuse GIF Giphy
I grew up in a Jewish household but was aware of the whole Christmas thing. It was my understanding that Santa would go around bringing gifts to kids if they left out a plate of cookies and some milk for him. Seemed easy enough!
'Twas the night before Christmas and I left the perfect food arrangement out for Santa, thinking in spite of my religious beliefs, he might leave me a gift in exchange for the snacks. When I awoke the next morning, the cookies and milk were gone but no present was left. I was a FURIOUS. How dare this jolly fat man come into my whole, steal my food and not leave anything in return! I spent years complaining about it and would curse the mans name if I saw him.
Of course years later my dad admitted that he had eaten everything. Thanks Dad.
That being named Johnny was a sin...
There's a part of the song The Devil Went Down to Georgia that goes "My names Johnny and it might be a sin, but I'll take your bet"
I instantly associated the name with being the sin, not making bets with the literal devil. This made me think kids named Johnny were sons of devil worshippers.
I was a very dumb kid.
I used to be so confused about the amount of time it would take to make movies because I was convinced they did it all in chronological order and when they did flashbacks to childhood, I was like "wow those actors are so committed" 😂
or I would think it must take a long time for their hair to grow or change in anyway and never considered it could be a wig lol
I used to think that they cast people into TV shows and movies by finding people with the character's names on the street and having them act. Thought this for a good few years until a Disney channel actress appeared on a different show with a different character and I found out her name was neither of the characters'.
I thought sugar grew in sugar caves, similar to salt caves. I believed that sugar crystals (like rock candy) just grew in caves and there were parts of the world with beautiful crystallized sugar caves.
When I was growing up, my parents always have these crystal sugar sticks to use in their tea and I guess as a kid, I just believed this was sugar in it's *raw* form. Especially as it looked like the rock crystals. I've never thought about it or questioned it as the topic of sugar origins never got brought up.
I was 25 years old when I brought it up in conversation with my fiancé. I tried to prove to him they were real and it was when I reached my 4th page on Google, I realized my whole world was a lie. I didn't stop there either. I started looking through Google images after but no luck (obviously). Maybe I should have gone on Bing...or Ask Jeeves?
Imagine someone telling you that something you always believed wasn't right, like wool came from trees not sheep, wouldn't you be on the 4th page of google too?
Many people have been asking why I didn't learn about this at school as sugar canes as there were sugar plantations during American slavery. I grew up in the UK and unfortunately we're not taught about American history or the slave trade in history. I know loads about the Tudors though. I will do more research and educate myself on this as I knew about cotton plantations but not sugar cane plantations.
I was convinced that Greeks still worshipped Zeus and other gods for awhile after I heard the word Greek Orthodox Church as a kid.
This reminds me of another stupid thing I believed!
When I was in middle school I watched a documentary about gothic churches. I believed that goth was a religion! I asked a couple goth friends at the time about their religion. They played along for awhile that day, until finally I realized they were laughing at me.
I later realized "gothic" is describing the architecture of the church. My friends never let me live that one down!
That dark meat and white meat come from 2 different birds.
I was 12 when they asked me, as they did each year at Thanksgiving, which kind of meat I wanted. That year, I said, "Dark meat, please.... but I feel bad I'm the only one who really eats it and you always have to get an entire second Turkey just for me."
I'm still teased about it to this day... at 46 years old.
That reminds me of 4 year old me that hated celery but after my mum told me that these green things on my plate were actually 'italian well crabs' i ate it like candy. My sister still makes fun of me 17 years later.
That I could smell something while underwater.
When I was around 10/12 years old I was in a tropical themed water park where also happened to be a herbal bath. It smelled very nice, which I had not expected. Most of the tropical plants were fake plastic plants, so I figured the water in the bath was normal swimming pool water and the smell was coming from something else.
The bath was surrounded with a small aromatic herb garden which didn't look fake. I sneakily took a sample from a thyme plant that felt surprisingly real. But because the air was filled with all the different aromas and a hint of chlorine I couldn't smell anything different when I tried to smell the thyme. I figured the only place where my sense of smell couldn't be fooled by any fakery was underwater. For 5 seconds I actually felt pretty smart.
Until I tried.
I found out it doesn't work like that. As soon as the water entered my nose I noticed the flaw in my plan and the irony of it all. My head came up immediately, all while laughing (because I felt so smart with my waterproof plan a second ago) and coughing, which only made it worse and resulted in another gulp of water going in the opposite direction.
The Bled Talk
I thought guys got periods too, but only once, and you bled and then you were able to impregnate someone.
I cut my upper leg during a rugby match and was bleeding near my groin and was devastated because I thought everyone would presume I had my period mid-match and also subsequently would be walking around able to impregnate people.
Worst thing is, I wasn't even a stupid kid - we literally just lived in a reserved country and I was living full-time as a boarder at my school, so I never got 'the talk'.
Anyway, thanks for attending my Bled Talk.
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