So when one Reddit user asked:
What's the dumbest thing you actually believed?
It was kind of nice to see a bunch of fellow self-professed cabbageheads just own it. "Yeah, I was kind of a moron. Here's how..."
No shame. Believing you're the moon princess can happen to the best of us.
Pig Toes
I was once told that (British TV presenter) Jeremy Beadle's hand had such small fingers because of a condition (poland syndrome) that meant he had to have his fingers replaced, and that his fingers were, in fact, pigs toes.
For years, this was a piece of obscure general knowledge that I would break out when i felt the need to display the breadth of my weird knowledge.
And it went down really well until the days someone finally said "Don't pigs have hooves?"
I don't know that I have ever experienced such a moment of butt-clenchingly cringey embarrassment
Cursing Santa's Name
college accuse GIFGiphyI grew up in a Jewish household but was aware of the whole Christmas thing. It was my understanding that Santa would go around bringing gifts to kids if they left out a plate of cookies and some milk for him. Seemed easy enough!
'Twas the night before Christmas and I left the perfect food arrangement out for Santa, thinking in spite of my religious beliefs, he might leave me a gift in exchange for the snacks. When I awoke the next morning, the cookies and milk were gone but no present was left. I was a FURIOUS. How dare this jolly fat man come into my whole, steal my food and not leave anything in return! I spent years complaining about it and would curse the mans name if I saw him.
Of course years later my dad admitted that he had eaten everything. Thanks Dad.
Oh Johnny
That being named Johnny was a sin...
There's a part of the song The Devil Went Down to Georgia that goes "My names Johnny and it might be a sin, but I'll take your bet"
I instantly associated the name with being the sin, not making bets with the literal devil. This made me think kids named Johnny were sons of devil worshippers.
I was a very dumb kid.
Hollywood Secrets
I used to be so confused about the amount of time it would take to make movies because I was convinced they did it all in chronological order and when they did flashbacks to childhood, I was like "wow those actors are so committed" 😂
or I would think it must take a long time for their hair to grow or change in anyway and never considered it could be a wig lol
I used to think that they cast people into TV shows and movies by finding people with the character's names on the street and having them act. Thought this for a good few years until a Disney channel actress appeared on a different show with a different character and I found out her name was neither of the characters'.
Raw Sugar
I thought sugar grew in sugar caves, similar to salt caves. I believed that sugar crystals (like rock candy) just grew in caves and there were parts of the world with beautiful crystallized sugar caves.
When I was growing up, my parents always have these crystal sugar sticks to use in their tea and I guess as a kid, I just believed this was sugar in it's *raw* form. Especially as it looked like the rock crystals. I've never thought about it or questioned it as the topic of sugar origins never got brought up.
I was 25 years old when I brought it up in conversation with my fiancé. I tried to prove to him they were real and it was when I reached my 4th page on Google, I realized my whole world was a lie. I didn't stop there either. I started looking through Google images after but no luck (obviously). Maybe I should have gone on Bing...or Ask Jeeves?
Imagine someone telling you that something you always believed wasn't right, like wool came from trees not sheep, wouldn't you be on the 4th page of google too?
Many people have been asking why I didn't learn about this at school as sugar canes as there were sugar plantations during American slavery. I grew up in the UK and unfortunately we're not taught about American history or the slave trade in history. I know loads about the Tudors though. I will do more research and educate myself on this as I knew about cotton plantations but not sugar cane plantations.
- Eviezz
Religious Choices
I was convinced that Greeks still worshipped Zeus and other gods for awhile after I heard the word Greek Orthodox Church as a kid.
This reminds me of another stupid thing I believed!
When I was in middle school I watched a documentary about gothic churches. I believed that goth was a religion! I asked a couple goth friends at the time about their religion. They played along for awhile that day, until finally I realized they were laughing at me.
I later realized "gothic" is describing the architecture of the church. My friends never let me live that one down!
Dinner Disasters
That dark meat and white meat come from 2 different birds.
I was 12 when they asked me, as they did each year at Thanksgiving, which kind of meat I wanted. That year, I said, "Dark meat, please.... but I feel bad I'm the only one who really eats it and you always have to get an entire second Turkey just for me."
I'm still teased about it to this day... at 46 years old.
That reminds me of 4 year old me that hated celery but after my mum told me that these green things on my plate were actually 'italian well crabs' i ate it like candy. My sister still makes fun of me 17 years later.
Underwater Essences
That I could smell something while underwater.
When I was around 10/12 years old I was in a tropical themed water park where also happened to be a herbal bath. It smelled very nice, which I had not expected. Most of the tropical plants were fake plastic plants, so I figured the water in the bath was normal swimming pool water and the smell was coming from something else.
The bath was surrounded with a small aromatic herb garden which didn't look fake. I sneakily took a sample from a thyme plant that felt surprisingly real. But because the air was filled with all the different aromas and a hint of chlorine I couldn't smell anything different when I tried to smell the thyme. I figured the only place where my sense of smell couldn't be fooled by any fakery was underwater. For 5 seconds I actually felt pretty smart.
Until I tried.
I found out it doesn't work like that. As soon as the water entered my nose I noticed the flaw in my plan and the irony of it all. My head came up immediately, all while laughing (because I felt so smart with my waterproof plan a second ago) and coughing, which only made it worse and resulted in another gulp of water going in the opposite direction.
The Bled Talk
I thought guys got periods too, but only once, and you bled and then you were able to impregnate someone.
I cut my upper leg during a rugby match and was bleeding near my groin and was devastated because I thought everyone would presume I had my period mid-match and also subsequently would be walking around able to impregnate people.
Worst thing is, I wasn't even a stupid kid - we literally just lived in a reserved country and I was living full-time as a boarder at my school, so I never got 'the talk'.
Anyway, thanks for attending my Bled Talk.
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Sips Up....
family guy dont drink and drive GIFGiphyThat drinking and driving meant any kind of drinking.
I would get so nervous when my dad and I would get fast food that a cop would see him drinking his soda and arrest him.
The First....
I thought Barbara Bush was Eve from the Bible. The news said she was the first lady, and I didn't know what else that could mean. And she did look pretty old from my perspective.
This triggered a memory for me. I thought my mom was the secretary to President George Bush. I remember hearing she was promoted to be a personal secretary to the head of her company whose name was George. My five year old brain didn't really have a point of reference for the amount of people named George.
Get that paper....
My parents used to say they worked to make money, so I thought their job was actually printing money.
Me too. In kindergarten I had to draw my dad at work. My picture showed him sitting at a desk with a pile of coins on top.
the big chill....
cold the shining GIFGiphyI thought the term "wind chill factor" was "windshield factor." Like the weatherman was letting you know if you needed to scrape your windshield in the morning.
Fibbers....
My brother is quite a few years older than me and liked to tell me little fibs all the time. Some of the more memorable ones include him telling me that our uncle invented hamburgers, and that lemonade has a little bit of pig pee in it.
My dad used to tell fibs like that. He used to tell me that when you sprayed a fly with bug spray it didn't actually kill the fly. It just blinded it so it would crash into the wall or if it was on the table it would just walk off the edge of the table and that's what killed them.
Step Slowly.....
Escalators would consume me if I didn't step off fast enough.
Ya I watched a guy get his shoe sucked into the escalator and a bunch of people had to pull him out of the mechanical jaws of death before he was some kind of happy meal for escalators.
Careful Dad....
When I was a little kid and my parents were driving I would see the car in front of us have these rear blinking lights and generally speaking, they always lit up pointing in the direction our car would be turning. How did it always know? I didn't understand what they were for so I thought they were there to give instructions on where to go to the car behind it (us).
After all how did my dad always know which road to take get to McDonalds, ToysRUs, etc? Obviously he was following the instructions provided by the car in front of us.
Hence, I'd always get concerned whenever my dad ignored the instructions the car in front of us was giving with it's little blinking rear light. But I figured my dad was just taking a shortcut because he was my dad and dads know everything.
*Edit*
For people asking/mentioning our car's dashboard blinkers I had a simple explanation for that. I thought the car in front of us was also transmitting a signal to also show the arrows in case it was raining or snowing and it was difficult to see the car in front of us.
Blanketed....
tired good night GIFGiphyThat people would come in the night and cut off any appendages not covered by blankets.
I conveniently convinced myself heads didn't count (because that would be too gross).
"I HATE YOU DAD!!!"
My dad convinced me that before Kodak invented color drops for your eyes, the world was all black and white and that's why old films are in black-and-white.
Edit: I forgot the best part! Shortly after learning this, a classmate at school asked the same question I asked my dad. (why there's black and white films/photos).
So I answered with my new knowledge and the teacher laughed SO HARD.
I went home after school and waited on the couch for my dad to get home. The moment he walked in the door I screamed "I HATE YOU DAD!!!" and ran to my bedroom.
Damn you Poke!!!
hayden panettiere birthday GIF by HULUGiphyThat when I turned 10, I would be able to see Pokémon in the world.
My tenth birthday was a little disappointing.
Lucky little monsters, when we were kids, finding a Pikachu meant your best friend was on all fours screaming
pika pi PIKAAAAAA.... as you yelled commands at them and threw toy poke balls at their heads. Rainishernameashes to ashes.....
music video applause GIF by Lady GagaGiphyBeing fired at work meant you were actually incinerated.
Only if you're fired from the Church.
Floaties....
An island was a giant piece of land floating in the ocean.
My wife thought that until a few years ago. She's 39 now, so probably 35 when she figured it out. I told her mom that story, and her mom looked at me and said 'wait, they don't float?'. So I know where she got it from.
Size Matters....
Warner Bros Tom GIFGiphyI thought my TV was too small to see adults in shows like Tom and Jerry and the Powerpuff girls.
Thats a first!
I was just thinking about this today actually. I don't know what reminded me but I'm even a little embarrassed today at how dumb I was.
When I was like 7 or 8 I was on a competitive swim team. I was pretty bad at it. I got a lot of participation ribbons, I'll put it that way. One day I dove in the water and thought "I should try swimming fast today!" So I did and when I poked my head out of the water my coach was standing there looking at me like wide eyed.
She yelled "Thats a first! You got first place!!!" I won the race. Or whatever you call winning at swimming.
Anyhoo, I randomly remembered that years later and it hit me. Like, wtf was I doing before that? Did it just never occur to me to try to win? What did I think swim meets were for? Just for fun? And why did I never try this new trick of "swimming fast" again? God I was so dumb.
Talk to me God....
I went to a Catholic elementary school. I was giving a presentation in front of my second grade class regarding how God created the heavens, the earth, the mountains... I never really understood how the timeline worked around all that, I just knew the basic bullet points of the creation story.
But then I go on some tangent about how upon the creation of Earth (remember, I didn't understand the timing around it and just winged it), God must have been a big fan of prominent historical figures. George Washington. Abraham Lincoln. Jefferson. Roosevelt.
My second grade teacher realizes what I'm about to do, and rescues me from the impending hurricane of ridicule I was about to summon from my peers. She hurriedly separates me from my execution panel, and in the privacy of the hallway, explains to me that Mount Rushmore was not a natural occurrence.
until then....
I thought up until like 3rd grade that we were only learning about one side of the earth and we'd learn about the other half in later grades. I didn't make the connection between the big flat roller map my teacher would pull down across the chalkboard and the round earth everyone kept talking about.
Coded
microwave cooking GIFGiphyTo microwave something you had to put in a code that corresponded with the time. I was really confused when I found out you just entered the time.
Easter Days
I thought foie gras was the fake grass they put in Easter baskets. I thought this even when I went into high school. I thought people hated it because it was a messy and useless waste.
Like, I honestly just thought vegans were a**holes who hated Easter.
"Faux grass!" It makes sense!"
In the Womb
I was around 4 or 5, and from my understanding humans were monkeys in the very beginning. I got into a huge argument with a classmate because I was convinced we developed as monkeys in our mother's womb and eventually grew into humans before being born.
Humans do sort of develop in pretty weird ways in utero. We have both tails and gill slits for example.
This is my space....
sad feelings GIFGiphyThat I was the only one in the world with actual thoughts and feelings and everyone else was just part of my reality.
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