Have you ever had someone prove to you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they have absolutely no effing idea what they're talking about?
Women in particular get comments about their anatomy and reproductive health so often that it's almost commonplace. Those misconceptions can be so prevalent that they even make their way into potential law.
That's how we end up with proposed laws for things like "relocating" ectopic pregnancies when that procedure literally does not exist.
Reddit user ReallyQuiteRude asked:
The lack of understanding of how basic female reproductive health is truly staggering. Maybe we should stop separating children in sexual education classes (and actually teaching those classes with medically accurate information) because this is ... a lot to process.
Choosing The Sex
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My ex was convinced that he could consciously choose the sex of any children he fathered. He'd heard (presumably in some science class) that the sperm "decides" the sex of a baby, which is cool and all. But he got hung up on that phrasing and wouldn't listen to logic.
A Disease Now
My best friend was having sex with her new boyfriend and unexpectedly got her period. She was embarrassed because they had just started dating, and instead of comforting her his response was to disgustedly say "am I going to get a disease now or something?" he's an ex boyfriend now.
- er_bear
Breaking Up Sooner
My ex asked me how I knew my period was over. He was 21 at the time. Now, that wouldn't have even been that bad, but I started to explain how the flow gets lighter until it eventually stops and he cut me off. Said it was gross and he regretted asking.
He also thought any pubic hair on a woman was gross. I get wanting it tidy, but he thought all women should be shaved/waxed all the time. And no, his pubic area was never hair-free.
My only regret was not breaking up with him sooner.
Missing One Period
My friend's husband thought women knew they were pregnant by missing just one period and that it started again the next month. It gave me a giggle.
Stretch First
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Before I understood how periods work or what period cramps are, I remember there was a day in middle school PE where the class was running laps but two girls were not participating and instead walking slowly around the outside of the track. When someone asked them why they weren't running they said "we have cramps" and my dumb ass, assuming they both somehow got leg cramps or something from trying to run, said something to the effect of "that's your fault, that's why you need to stretch first!"
Later on after learning some stuff, I remembered the incident and their silent, shocked confusion at my response made perfect sense.
The Exact Moment I Realized
My creepy older boyfriend when I was 18 made a comment (in front of friends) about the first time we hooked up and he went down on me (the only time he actually did that).
He said: "When I hit your g-spot, your legs clamped down on my head like a vice."
I said "You never hit my g-spot. The g-spot is on the inside."
He responded in a condescending tone, "You have more than one g-spot, dear."
If I had to pinpoint the exact moment when I realized I was dating an idiot, it'd be right then.
Reschedule
I once used my period to get out of a date with one guy and he seriously said, "can't you reschedule it or something?"
Anemia Treatment
"Cant you just stop the anemia by injecting your period blood back in?"
Wrong On So Many Levels
He was CONVINCED that it was impossible to have twins, as "the uterus only produces one egg per month". He also thought women could ONLY get pregnant on their period, because "the sperm swims up the blood". When I told him it's the complete opposite, he said "Oh, what does the sperm swim up then. The piss?" I then explained that women do not piss out of their vagina. He then exclaimed "wait, there's two holes???"
I officially lost it when he told me that the vagina is in the same place as a mans penis, you know, "bellow the belly button".
Let's just say I'm glad i never ended up dating this guy.
Immoral Women
Someone once complained about how, "Women are immoral because having a period is equal to having an abortion." Luckily this was a teaching moment and he learned something that day.
Like A Chicken
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I once got asked by my ex if I ever saw the egg cone out during my period
He thought the reason girls had cramps was because they passed an egg like a chicken would or it was at least like passing a kidney stone.
Women Don't Poop
"Stop lying, you don't poop. Men do."
Actual ex boyfriend who was a high school football player who GRADUATED.
When he finally asked his mother (yeah...) he was so disgusted, I thought he was kidding but he really wasn't.
- slampons
Unlocking Your Female Power
"Girls can control their periods and bleed whenever they want to." This fool was the only boy with probably eight girls at the table. It got bad when he INSISTED he was right and got angry as eight other girls repeatedly told him no. He tried to explain how the female body works and how if they tried they would just stop bleeding, like they could just "unlock" this female power inside them. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing. Mind you this dude was your typical creepy low IQ rude virgin. (I think, or I hope he was a virgin. He went for the really quiet small freshman and all the other girls warned everyone not to date him. Big ugly rude mass of a dude.) No idea why those girls allowed him to sit at the table. I see him wandering around the mall all the time circling the food court and I always remember this period instance.
Night Pads
I went over to my dad's place, and unexpectedly got my period. I was sitting on the toilet, panicking because I only had a leftover tampon from the last time my sister was here, and I use pads. So I begged my dad (who was about to come home) to please go to the store and pick up "night pads" for me (I always use night time pads because I have a heavy flow), and told him I didn't have any pads at all with me, so I really needed him to buy some.
Well... He came home, I thanked him a lot for picking up the pads, and he said: "Wait, I didn't buy them. They're night pads and it's still daytime. We have time."
I had to explain to him WHY I specifically asked for "night pads".
No Vaseline
My husband /keeps/ telling me that I should use Vaseline as lube and that it was designed for sex.
No no no. No. It's not at all recommended to be used that way. It's petroleum. It takes your body up to a week to get that sticky crud out because your body can't absorb materials like that and it doesn't break down well.
A lot of people use it for anal. Probably because it uh.. moves out more quickly. But it really really doesn't belong in your vagina.
P.S. It also breaks condoms, so don't.
All Boys School
My partner saw a midwife friend on his Facebook post a status about a 'bum breech' baby she had delivered. He thought it meant the baby breaches it's mother's vaginal wall on the way out and ends up being born out of the mum's bumhole. I explained breech birth to him and it made more sense, I think his explanation is pretty funny though (probably not for the mumma in that situation.)
He also thought you could cause injury to your unborn baby in the womb if you have sex while pregnant - as in the cervix and walls were so thin you could poke the baby with your penis. He was therefore adamant if I ever get pregnant I wouldn't be getting any D until the coast is clear. I had to show him an anatomy diagram from Google for that one.
You probably won't be surprised to know that this particular big dummy went to an all boys school. He's my big dummy though.
Pleasurable?
I was talking with a few female friends about tampons and pads and which we prefer (we were sleeping over at a friend's and a few of us were on our period) and my male best friend was shocked that I didn't like using tampons. Turns out he thought that inserting a tampon was "supposed to be pleasurable, just like having sex." I cried with laughter for what felt like ages.
Brain Damage
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Guy here, once knew a guy who thought that any time a guy ejaculated in a woman, the sperm would stay in their body, and eventually swim up to their brain, giving them brain damage.
As such, it was his duty as a man to be willing to commit to taking care of women he slept with because every time they had sex she would become a little bit dumber/less capable of living without him and eventually nothing more than a mindless shell with some holes.
- Aazadan
That's Not What Curves Mean
That having sex makes a girl fully develop. My ex-husband truly believed that if a teenage girl had curves, it was evidence that she was sexually active.
He also believed a pelvic exam and inserting tampons caused arousal.
Phasing Through
My boyfriend thought you could technically get pregnant VIA anal because the sperm would somehow phase thru the intestine lining into the uterus???
He's college educated and not a moron or anything, his health teacher in high school was just awful.
Not From The Vagina
The worst offender was an old coworker (who really liked bringing up sex all the time) because absolutely flabbergasted that pee doesn't come from the vagina. He swore up and down I didn't know WHAT I was talking about, that that's 'the only hole it can come out of' and wouldn't listen to me until I googled a diagram to show him. At which point he was grossed out.
The guy was like, 40, and I was no older than 22 at the time, which I guess is why he thought he knew better, but still guy. Yeesh.
- Perscoot
Condoms And Hymens
It did not happen to me but to many female friends of mine..."When you have sex for the first time, you should not use condom. Otherwise, you cannot break the hymen".
Redditor churned_applesauce wanted to hear about all the belongings many of us have that could cause quite a stir.
They asked:
"What is the most controversial thing you own?"
I'm not telling you mine.
I'm not that brave.
But let's see who is...
Pennies...
"I have an old Iraqi bill with Saddam Hussein's face on it. It's worth about 17 cents according to Google." ~ postsingularity
Giphy1937
"My grandfather went to the World Scout Jamboree in the Netherlands in 1937, and while he was there he traded patches and gear with some scouts from Germany. By 1937, the German boy scouts had transitioned into the Hitler youth, so I own a Hitler youth boy scout uniform with a bunch of swastikas on it." ~ iamagainstit
Walrus Parts
"My family owns a petrified walrus penis, my grandmother took it to get it identified at the Smithsonian several decades ago. Apparently her grandfather or maybe it was her great-grandfather brought it home after he spent several years on some type of expedition up around northern Alaska and points north."
"It has been loaned out to several museums at different times. The family has talked about selling it but everyone has to agree and so far there is no agreement about selling it. So I own 1/67th of a petrified walrus penis." ~ Robyn_withaY
Propaganda...
"When I was 18, I bought a print of a 1918 German zoo advertisement from a thrift store. I thought the artwork was neat. It had a leopard on it and I was completely cat-obsessed at the time. Turns out the artwork was by Ludwig Hohlwien. He would go on to produce Nazi propaganda." ~ wolfmoral
Jars
"An ornate, Boer tobacco jar from the 1800s. My great grandfather looted it off a dead militiaman during the Second Boer war." ~ deathtotheminutemen
GiphyInteresting.
Nothing too crazy thus far.
Hey, to each their own.
Shut Tight!
"I have a glass vial/small bottle of pure histamine. If anyone would be exposed to this they would get a deadly allergic reaction. I have it double sealed." ~ TheRealMonreal
GiphyHoliday in Kenya
"A complete ivory and ebony chessboard bought a sale of confiscated poacher stuff to fund elephant preservation. When I lived in Zambia and was on holiday in Kenya. My dad bought it and I got it as a hand me down. We were friends with someone who owned an animal sanctuary and their security had shot the poachers as far as I remember. They had a parentless baby hippo as well. It stole my sister's chewing gum and tried eating their cat. It was moved further away from the main houses after it tipped over their Land Cruiser." ~ xxrumlexx
Oh Grandma...
"I wanted a chinchilla really badly as a kid, but my parents said hell no. One Christmas my grandma got me a teddy bear made out of chinichilla fur. Luckily my parents told me it didn't hurt the chinchilla its just like getting a hair cut for them, but they were like WTF to my grandma. I now know better and am also like WTF grandma." ~ lebrunjemz
Snuffed
"I have a set of small bone carved snuff bottles from China (dated to the 19C) with explicit images on them. They’re kind of curiosities in themselves but when my in laws separated my MIL called my husband and asked him if there was anything in the house that he wanted and he said, nothing but the explicit snuff bottles."
"She took them and left them with a note that said ‘I’ve left you, please don’t contact me again. I’ve taken the snuff bottles; they were the only things in the house I liked.' After their separation we got all sorts of controversial hoardings, including a suitcase full of ivory and an abundant collection of Enid Blytons first edition books." ~ waireti
Luggage
"I have a few Ivory jewelery pieces from the early 70s my parents bought back from Botswana, and a poison arrow kit. Mum has the 3-metre long python skin she just put in her luggage from back then too." ~ Icy_Hippo
GiphyWho doesn't have cursed or ancient jewels hidden somewhere?
At least nobody on this thread mentioned faces or eyes.
That's what I was waiting for.
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Reddit user Money-Associate1601 asked:
"What’s something you look forward to every single day?"
A few years ago I wouldn't have had an answer to this, but as I read through I suddenly realized that I have one.
Also, that I enjoy it!
Mornings spent relaxing in the hammock before my day gets punted into shenanigans by my kids, my dogs, my job, or some unholy combo of the three have become crucial for my mental health.
Huh. Who knew?
Let's see what Reddit loves about their routines.
Going To Work (!)
"Going to work."
"It sounds strange, but I love it because I'm working with my son. He’s 23. I’m 50. We spend M-F working together building homes. We laugh all day long."
"It’s the happiest time of my life. I know it’s finite, so I’m enjoying it as much as possible while it lasts."
- thecrab87
"This hits me(23) so much. My dad (50) gave me a job at his company a year ago and always tells me how proud he his of me."
"Just before Christmas he got sick and almost died. When he got out of the hospital he told me how much he cherished our relationship and how it meant everything to him."
"It makes me emotional every time I read things like this."
- Qc-ripguru67
"My brother and I did landscaping together on the weekends. We use to complain about it, but after we sold the business I really missed spending time with him."
"What I miss the most is eating lunch together and riding home after a long day."
- ripped-p-ness
GiphyPajama Party
"Changing out of work clothes and into pajamas"
- send_boba
"My pajamas are my real clothes. Everything else is a facade."
- sharkittens
"The best thing about the pandemic: I work from home all the time and I can wear pajamas all the time!"
- circle_jerker_2000
"Sometimes I get home by 3pm from work and get right into my PJs."
"Even if I’m going out later, I’ll just change out of my PJs when I need to. If I’m home for an hour or longer, I’m in my PJs."
"It’s the only way."
- dat_girl83
GiphyPick Up Time
"Picking my daughters up from daycare."
"As soon as they see me, they drop whatever they were doing and run to me with the biggest smile on their faces and yelling 'Daddyyy!' "
"The absolute sh*ttiest day at work just disappears in that moment."
- all_the_fun_stuff
"100% this."
"Basically anything to do with my kids. Waking them up for school and hanging out in bed for those 5 minutes in the morning is always so much fun."
"Meeting my daughter off the bus from school. Seeing my son when he gets home from preschool and just wants to play."
"Kids are the best cure for a sh*t day at work."
- pdxrunner82
"My 2 year old screams 'IT’S MOM!!!' in absolute delight every day when I get home from work. Nothing else compares!"
- thetermagant
GiphyEmployee Of The Month
"My baby dog’s big morning stretch. He's actually a senior but he will stay about 5 lbs for forever, so we call him our baby dog."
"Oh! And then watching him go back to sleep in his office bed when I start work. He works so hard. Employee of the month, every month."
- maltymawma
"I love working in the morning and then at about 11 am my dog finally gets up. She does her morning back scratches on the carpet and then demands snuggles."
"It's my favorite unscheduled break time that happens daily."
- Food_is_my_Motive
"My cat Ygritte is my supervisor. She works so hard sleeping and making biscuits on blankets/beds/boxes with blankets."
"She yells at me if I stop working, yells at me when it is break time, and starts getting in between myself and my computer 15 minutes before the end of the day."
"She won't stop until I clock out, it is her everyday being like Nahhhhh you done. Pet me instead."
"She is the best boss I have ever had."
- AltruisticProgress9
GiphyNightly Read
"I live at a friends family house. They offered me shelter after I became homeless and every night I go to my car to read."
"I find that reading in my car every night before going to sleep gives this family a chance to get a break from seeing me and I get a chance to be calm and away from everyone."
"They are amazing people and It’s been so fun. I’m so thankful that they let me stay in their living room, but they tend to use it at night to watch a movie or have family time so I take a chance to let them be and I get a chance to learn something and relax in my car."
- AvocadoSaltAndLime
GiphyFueled By Coffee
"My morning coffee. I get a different coffee every week and drinking it is the most relaxing part of my day."
- hafilax
"Same."
"I had a Colombian blend last week, this week I got a black roast that is so strong I swear its making me grow a beard."
"I'm up at 5 every morning for 'me time', which you dont get with 3 small kids and making my coffee and staring into space for an hour is amazing."
- 2_kids_no_more·
"Coffee is mine as well."
"I love to get a big-ass black coffee with a little cream, put on a good podcast and chill out for a bit while I wake up. Quite possibly the only thing I consistently look forward to every single day."
- instinctbluess
"YES! I set up the coffee pot the night before, every night."
"In the morning my husband gets up to start it and crawls back into bed while it brews. When it's ready he puts his robe on and quietly brings me a cup, sets it on my nightstand and goes into the living room to peacefully wake up on his own, staring at his phone."
"In between alarm snoozes I briefly wake up and take a few sips of coffee. After several snoozes, I need a refill and that's usually when I get up to join him. It's such a great way to wake up, I love it so much."
"Some mornings he has to just get up and go off to a job site but no matter how early it is, he brings me a cup of coffee in bed before giving me a kiss and going. He's the best."
- theredheaddiva
GiphyMid-Day Text
"That mid-day text from my husband, asking me if I can please come home early because he and the dogs miss me, usually accompanied by a photo of the 4 of them looking wistfully at the camera."
"It never, ever gets old. So thankful for all of them!"
- luisapet
"Ugh. Mine always wants to know when I’ll be back because he wants something."
- Funny-Tree-4083
"Oh my god I want this. You are so lucky."
- __Vixen__
"I also want this in my life."
"All I get is calls/messages from scammers or customer service."
- amrit-9037
GiphyObserving This Scene
"The sheer, spontaneous joy my dogs have when my wife gets home."
"I tell them 'Who's home?' Then they hear the garage door opening and know Mommy's Home!"
"Batsh*t-crazy pandemonium ensues until I open the side door of garage. Even cuter, my wife is just as happy to see them, too!"
"Nothing beats observing this scene every day, for 11 years."
- Complex-Value-5807
"Absolutely this."
"I adopted a little baby potato two years ago. Now he’s a big old spaz and he has an absolute fit with joy whenever daddy gets home from work."
"He’s so excited he can’t even sit still for pets and kisses. Jumping up and down on the furniture, running around in circles, pure happiness."
- FunnyQueer
GiphyAt Peace
"I have 30 mins in my day in between work where I just sit on a bench in this park."
"No phone, no earphones, nothing but just me enjoying the sound of birds and whooshing of the trees. Feel most at peace during that time."
- DJTISTA
"I have recently started doing this towards the end of the day."
"It has started filling me up with peace and enthusiasm. I highly recommend this. Half an hour, daily, setting sun/rising sun, somewhere not too noisy, near water if possible."
- pappugulal
"Time like this is essential! Good for you for giving it to yourself!"
- Zebsnotdeadbaby
GiphyLunch
"The last 15 years of my working life was running a route, checking into about 235 businesses each month. It kept me very busy, I seldom had time for lunch over 1/2 hour."
"I always thought how nice it would be when I retire, to have time to set down and actually enjoy lunch."
"Fast forward 5 years, I've been retired and now I get one full hour of lunch and reading whatever book has my attention for those 5 days a week instead."
"It's heaven."
- zerogravity111111
GiphySo what have we learned today, dear readers?
The thing most of these Redditors looked forward to was a moment of peace or affection.
Whether it was from a pet, a kid, a book, or a hot cup of coffee it seems people wanted a literal or proverbial hug.
Does that track for you? What's the part of your day you look forward to most.
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