Sometimes longevity can't keep a marriage together. Sometimes things just get so bad, that it just doesn't make sense to continue a relationship with a longtime partner. But how bad does it have to get before that happens? These Redditors will tell you
Redditor FlameBR34TH asked:
Husbands and wives that got divorced after 20 years of marriage, what made you decide to change your mind after all that time?
How horrible.
"Grandparents got divorced after 30+ years of marriage. Met in the early 1950s in a really small town. Both about 19 or 20 and got married 2 years later. I think that was kind of just what you did back then. They had a pretty traditional marriage with 7 children."
"I think my Grandmother grew up and became more independent and my Grandpa really just wanted a traditional stay-at-home wife. When the kids were old enough, she got a job as a secretary. She had lots of friends and a social circle. My grandfather pretty much just worked and came home and watched TV. In his 50s, he slipped and broke his back and couldn't work anymore. He really just stopped doing much of anything after that. Sat on the couch all day chain smoking cigars and watching TV. He was also becoming more and more of a hoarder as he got older. I think even before this point they were already more-or-less roommates."
"Eventually, grandma had just had it with him. She filed for divorce. He had a hard time accepting it. He was supposed to be staying with one of his adult kids, while his other kids were working on purchasing a small house for him in the neighborhood where a few of his kids and grandkids lived. He kept breaking into the house where he lived with nana."
"She confronted him during one of these break-ins and he killed her. I think he was probably depressed through much of his life, but because he grew up with that small town 1950s mentality he was just taught to bury that down. I'm not sure they ever loved each other, but they had a marriage of convenience that worked ok for some time. He was pretty detached from raising the kids and when he no longer felt useful he just unraveled. It's too bad, because he lived over 10 more years in prison. He could have had a relationship with his grandkids, but one impulsive act crushed that. I always felt robbed of having a relationship with either of those grandparents."
"She confronted him during one of these break-ins and he killed her. I think he was probably depressed through much of his life, but because he grew up with that small town 1950s mentality he was just taught to bury that down. I'm not sure they ever loved each other, but they had a marriage of convenience that worked ok for some time. He was pretty detached from raising the kids and when he no longer felt useful he just unraveled. It's too bad, because he lived over 10 more years in prison. He could have had a relationship with his grandkids, but one impulsive act crushed that. I always felt robbed of having a relationship with either of those grandparents."
Bad form.
Giphy
"He tried to kill me, which I feel is impolite."
"How rude."
"It sorely tested my patience, it did."
Well that's a mess.
"My husband's parents did this. He said he knew his parents weren't happy for a long time. Said they went to family therapy together but ultimately once my husband went to the Army (he was the younger of 2) they divorced and both later married other people. These 2 could not get along for anything, they HATED each other. At our wedding, we had to take separate family pictures with the dad and new wife and then with the mom and my sister in law. It was insane..."
"Cut to about 2 years after our wedding and I get a phone call from father in law's wife of 10 years, she is in hysterics. She had caught him in bed with my mother in law, his ex wife. My husband would not believe it until he talked to his father."
"That was over 10 years ago. My in-laws both divorced their partners and have been together ever since. My mother in law has all their old family pictures on display everywhere and acts like they never divorced and have been together for over 4 decades."
Sounds like a lot of a**holery.
"When I was 8, my dad threatened to leave my mom because he was threatened by her brother. My uncle didn't do anything wrong, but my dad didn't like another man in his kids' lives because he had fears of abandonment and "getting replaced" (still has those fears). So he gave my mom an ultimatum: "It's your brother or me. you gotta chose."
"My mom, fearing to hold together a family, chose my dad. My uncle was broken about it because my mom was forced to shut him due to reasons he didn't even understand."
"Fast forward 6 years and my older brother now in college develops an outside view of the family life and began to understand the "a**holery" of my dad. So my brother called my dad and gave him his full mind on what he thinks of my dad and how he's done petty things out of fear. My dad flipped and blamed my mom for that because he thought "she was putting words in his mouth". Things were tense for a bit between my dad, bother, and mother until my dad decided to move out officially because he felt not welcome in the family."
"That was 5 years ago and he's been living separately since then, but my parents are still legally married due to joint-owning a lot of assets. A year ago, however, I found out that my dad had been dating a 25 year old for over a year (he's 60). The scary thing was that my mom knew the whole time but she didn't tell us because she feared how it would make us view our dad."
"My mom is still very broken up about the fact that it was my dad that left her, despite him having toxic and manipulative behavior toward her, me, and my brothers for the latter part of their 25 year marriage."
Now THAT'S a power move.
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"There's a guy in my town that everyone knows about because he owns this huge mansion in a middle class neighborhood. Apparently he was married to a woman for a long time but she left him calling him a "loser" because his business hadn't taken off yet."
"After she left him his business finally took off (he sells medical equipment to hospitals) and he became FU levels of rich in a few years. The reason he built the mansion in that neighborhood was because that is where she lives so she has to drive by the mansion on her way to work everyday."
It's definitely a struggle.
"23 years. I had lied to her several times over the years, and she always forgave me. The last time I lied to her about accruing a severe amount of debt due to a gambling addiction. I think she might have forgiven the lie, but she couldn't forgive the addiction and the chance I'd start gambling again."
"I started attending Gambler's Anonymous after I told her, but it was too little too late for her. On the plus side, I haven't gambled in almost 3 years."
"Edit: I wanted to thank everyone for the support. It was a struggle at first, but it gets easier as long as I take it one day at a time. I've made some amazing friends in my local recovery community, and I run a meeting once a week to help others that are suffering."
That's so infuriating.
"Had to watch my parents go through the paperwork to get divorced after my dad had a massive stroke and was forced to retire. It was the only way for them to keep the money from his pension AND maintain his health insurance coverage."
"My parents got a divorce of convenience so pops could make the mortgage payments and get his insulin. Thankfully my parents insurance agent is a close friend, and found every possible form and loophole so they could stay in the house together. It took almost two years to get everything settled."
"I'll never forget my dad's statement after it was all done. "The Church still says we're married, and that's what matters to us. At least now, your mother can still get her hearing aids and pay the mortgage if something happens to me."
"I was so disgusted with it all. I never forgave my dad's union for it, and we now make sure someone from our family shows up to their annual open meeting when they discuss the health insurance plan to shame them in explicit detail with how the board f**ks over the roughnecks."
Sounds like a headache.
Giphy
"My parents got divorced after 22 years of marriage. They were never in love and didn't even like each other. They had me and then my sister a few years later and wanted to stay together for the kids. 12 years after I was born they had my brother and that kept the cycle going."
"I wish I could say they are happy now, but they still like to cause trouble for each other. We're due with our first child soon and they're gonna have to figure out how to be grandparents together. Thankfully I'm 1500 miles from them so it won't be a headache often."
That's an interesting pattern.
"I worked at a law firm that only practiced family law (divorces, child custody, wills & estates, etc). At one time we had like 8 clients getting divorced after 20+ years of marriage and they were all high ranking military men whose wives came out of the closet after all their kids had grown up and moved out of the house and the guys were getting ready to retire."
"I thought it was so weird, but I guess for whatever reason the women thought that their duties to their husbands and families were coming to an end and they wanted to live for themselves. I guess I know why they couldn't come out 30 years ago, it was a different time but I was curious why they were all attracted to military guys? I assume maybe cause it meant their husbands would be away for years at a time during their service?"
That's a tough situation.
"My parents split up after nearly 30 years. My dad was an a**hole my entire life, so when they finally divorced when I was 18, there was no surprise. He'd been cheating for years and I think he was the one who finally asked for it."
"I think my mom stayed because she couldn't afford to start over. She spent her life putting my dad through school and wasn't educated herself. She had no family or anyone who could help her either. There was definitely some confidence issues on her part too."
The cult mentality is so harmful.
Giphy
"Grandparents were married for I believe 28 years. They went to a very evil church, very cult mentality, you're raised in the church, go to school there, you're not supposed to associate with people outside the church, live with people from there, never question anything. My mom was a questioner, so she was shunned, then got pregnant outside of marriage by a guy not from the church (my dad). Big no no. I think it was this that, when I was about 13, inspired my grandfather to leave that church. Maybe. Now, he wasn't denouncing his faith. He wasn't denying his Christianity. He literally used to be a pastor. No, he just stopped going to that specific church. So, the pastor told my grandmother to divorce him. So she did."
"Almost 30 years, thrown down the drain. That was 8 or so years ago, I haven't seen her since. It feels like way longer. She moved in with her oldest daughter, my aunt, who is a genuine psychopath, treats her horribly, controlling, completely devoid of empathy. It breaks my heart."
"Meanwhile my grandfather got remarried almost immediately, which we found out after the fact, to a woman from Iceland who was a pill popping control freak, isolated him from his family, listened to his phone calls. She never told him that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer two years before they'd met, never told him. So she ended passing away after a long battle about a year or so later. It was tragic. Her heroine addict daughter is still attached to my grandpa, draining money from him, being a general parasite. He met another woman from Brazil, got married within months, once again, we found out through Facebook, and he skipped off to Brazil and we haven't seen him since."
"What with all that, and my other grandparents both passing away earlier this year, it feels like I have no grandparents. I know they're not getting younger and it kills me that all this time is being wasted. They were such a part of my life as a child, they were such a help when my life was shitty, they were a place to run to. I don't have that anymore, I'm alone. It sucks. I hope that Pastor suffers as much as every family he has broken up with way. Cause we are not the first, and not the last. I'll dance on his grave."
I kinda want to punch this guy.
"He collected me from work after drinking shots with his friends which I didn't know about until it was too late. Then drove the car off the road and turned it upside down. He walked away unmarked and I was left paralyzed. He then told me he didn't want to be with a cripple and left."
"All this after 28 years together and high school sweethearts. I guess you never really know someone. It wasn't even the fact he left it was the way he did it."
That's disgusting.
"He cheated. About 6 hours after he hit me. My kids were seriously planning to leave home to get away from him. While I was trying to smooth all of that out, his nephew convinced him to shut all bank accounts down so I would have to ask him for money rather than just use my cards, to teach me to not bite the hand that feeds me. I was told that statement, repeatedly. This includes 2 accounts for the company we co-owned."
"Short answer: It was a sh*t show from day one and I was too scared to do anything, to get out, until he forced my hand."
Everybody wears a mask.
"My mother and father we're together about 20 years. I think that she was interested in him when they met, but the thing about people is that everybody wears a mask. As you get to know somebody and get more comfortable with them, your public-facing mask starts to lower. Sometimes this can take a long time."
"My father was pretty mentally ill. I don't know if it had something to do with his childhood (probably) or his time in the coast guard. I'm fuzzy on the details of his life because I cut him out of my life, but I also feel like he was an army vet? It seems the most likely explanation of his mental illness anyway."
"He was a very angry person. He yelled, but more often he was incredibly passive-aggressive all the time. He would get so mad over the stupidest things. I remember that we weren't allowed to cook breakfast sausage when he was in the house or anytime around when he would be because he said the smell made him sick. We couldn't go to a restaurant ever again if he had one problem with it, things as simple as finding a dirt clod inside a baked potato. He used to invent lies to manipulate me into doing what he wanted, usually well-meaning, but still manipulative. When I was like 10 he declared that my mom had a disease from biting her fingernails, so I needed to stop or I would get it too. When I called him out for lying, he made me stand in the corner."
"Of course, nobody that knew us knew about his mental illness, he was very good at hiding it to the point that I had had people comment on how unfair I was being to him in situations. He also loved to spin a life to them to get them on his side."
"I don't know how fast my mom lost her love for him, but I feel certain that it was long before I had to kick him out. When I got into my late teens, with my own anger issues, it became clear to him that things were quickly leading toward physical confrontations and he had some talks to my mom and left. I really don't know when my mom would have left if it weren't for me. I see it all around me now that I'm an adult, people, especially women, stay with people for no real reason. They think that they're financially or emotionally invested in them, and maybe they are, but isn't your mental health more important than your financial comfort?"
"Anyway, they never got divorced, so when my dad died a couple years ago after 30 years of marriage, my mom gets his military benefits now."
These are some harrowing stories?
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.