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People Divulge The Dark Facts That Make Some Animals Not So Cute Anymore

People Divulge The Dark Facts That Make Some Animals Not So Cute Anymore
Scott Carroll/Unsplash

As a little kid I obsessed over animals. I poured over volumes and volumes of encyclopedias and zoological journals, I spent countless hours at the Museum of Natural History with my little notebook jotting down every sign, every factoid, every bit of animal-knowledge I could find.

None of that prepared me for what I just read.

This was way back when you could just let your kid free-range through a Manhattan museum for a few hours while you grabbed a slice and ran some errands—so you better believe I clocked some serious hours there learning about whales, elephants, etc...

And nowhere in any of that was it mentioned horses regularly chow down on adorable fluffy little peep-peep baby chickens. I had to find that out thanks to THIS god-awful thread.


Reddit user lgo21 asked:

"What are some dark facts about specific animals that make them not seem as cute anymore?"

So yeah. Brace yourself.

Trigger warning: EVERYTHING.

R*pe, murder, cannibalism, snacking... it's all here and it's all bad.

The Lion King

"The first thing a male lion does when he takes over another male's pride of female lions is go around and kill every single cub."

"That way the females don't have to nurse/care for their young and start ovulating sooner. The sooner they ovulate, the sooner he can get them pregnant with HIS cubs."

- fishnwirenreese

"Isn’t there evidence that lionesses can/will abort a pregnancy if this happens so that she won’t waste energy on growing a cub that will be killed anyway?"

- LordSoupSoup

"Lion king alternate ending"

- Mloxard_CZ

Giphy

Duck Tales

"A group of bachelor Male ducks will find a mating pair (male and female duck) beat up the male and gang r*pe the female."

"Sometimes the will gang r*pe her so severely that the female will die in the process."

- el-mojo-

"Jesus I’ve WITNESSED this firsthand and was horrified."

"My parents live next to a pond and I like to read books by it. Was just trying to enjoy a nice spring day and witnessed duck gang r*pe. I chased them off but every spring it happens."

- crazygourdlady

"Was at Disney and saw this happen right outside Crystal palace."

"A lady jumps the fence to 'save' the female and proceeded to yell at park employees for letting the males hurt the female."

"The manager explained to her that it’s a duck natural behavior, they are federally protected, that Disney cannot interfere, AND that the lady was now trespassing and would be arrested if she’d didn’t leave immediately."

"That was a fun day of people watching."

- mtndew01

Giphy

Casually Munching

"Sometimes deer will casually munch on live baby birds."

- NightSkies2019

"Which is why salt licks are important on a farm!"

"Generally, herbivores do that when their bodies give signals they lack certain nutrition. If they don’t have access to other animals to eat, they will also eat dirt and rocks (geophagy)."

- moxfactor

"Pretty much every herbivore is an opportunistic omnivore, they're just really bad at catching meat so usually go for stuff that's smaller then their mouths."

- stonedPict

Giphy

Hannibal Hamster

"Hamsters are cannibals. I don’t know if it’s only dwarf hamsters but they eat their own newborns and eventually each other."

- Catpix_

"This reminds me when my hamster gave birth to 7 babies and straight away ate 2 of them. Not something I wanted to see as 11 year old but oh well."

- Curious_Sandpaper

"I think this might be a rodent/small prey animal thing."

"Hedgehogs, squirrels, rabbits and gophers will all eat their new born. Mice and rats eat each other all the time and I've seen gophers eat their dead brothers/sisters while the body is still warm."

- Sufficient__Phrase

"A lot of the 'cannibalism' of newborn rodents and lagamorphs is because they aren't healthy at birth, and an unhealthy baby can bring a lot of attention and extra risk to their nest, along with extra work for the mother."

"Rats and mice will actually eat their dead to prevent attracting predators in a lot of cases."

"In captivity, this is often an indication that your husbandry is very wrong and the mother does not feel there will be enough resources, safety, etc. People don't realize how much space and effort these animals really take."

"I've owned rats and mice for well over a dozen years now, along with rabbits, hamsters, all those small animals, and I've never seen any rodent eating another unless they were already dead or sickly."

- The_Lab_Rat_

Giphy

Flower's Grandkids

"The dominant female meerkat in her clan will kill the babies that aren’t her own to make sure only her own survive and have the best chance of survival."

- KingFlame66

"As a kid I learned this from watching Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet."

"Watching the cute leader named Flower go and murder her daughter's babies (yes, her own grandkids!) kinda made me realize nature gets pretty metal pretty fast."

- Uceninde

"I was about to mention meerkats, but because they eat little chicks (baby chickens.)"

"At least they do at my local zoo. That's one way to permanently scar my little niece."

- nyanbran

"Meerkats aren't these sweet little things that only eat apples and pears."

"It was feeding time at the zoo, this one meerkat caught a full (dead) mouse and happened to run right up to the glass fence in front of a crowd of 40 people."

"He looked right at us then used his sharp teeth to rip the head off the mouse in one go, while maintaining eye contact. Metal as f*ck lol."

"The whole crowd went 'ewwwww!' Really loudly and now they are fed their meat later in the day when visitors aren't there lol"

- wizard7846

Giphy

Flutter

"You ain't never seen butterflies drinking the fluid from around the eyes of a dead deer.""

"I have. I have."

- rvralph803

"Males of lots of butterflies will flock to dead or rotting meat."

"It's one of the few sources of sodium available to them, which they bundle up in their sperm packets as a 'gift' for the female during copulation. It's a bit sweeter when you look at it that context."

- scipio323

"This is called puddling!"

"Mostly male butterflies do this to get the salt and other nutrients to give to females during mating. But females will do it too to get the nutrients themselves."

- ER1536

"Butterflies are not herbivores!"

"They will drink your sweet, sweet, decomposing body juices. The next time a butterfly lands on you, take a closer look, realize how creepy they look, and that it would happily stick it's little tube tongue into your veins."

- Apageo

Giphy

The End Of 'Horse Girls'?

"I once saw a horse eat a live chicken."

"I was one of those little girls who adored horses up until that point so it was kind of traumatic, but I guess the silver lining is that it saved my parents from having to pay for a very expensive hobby."

"I just couldn’t see them the same way after that."

- Elvis_Take_The_Wheel

"My mom had a horse that was straight up demented about his love for eating baby chicks."

"If he saw a chick had gotten out (it was very hard to contain them when you were going in and out of a coop to feed and clean) he'd stop whatever he was doing and run over to eat it."

- imcoolthankstho

"There was a vid on Reddit of horse munching little chicken. Just pop and its gone. I don't think hen even noticed."

- ExcellentHunter

"I used to feed my horse ham."

- BobertoM

Giphy

Snack Attack

"Bears will eat you alive instead of killing you first."

- Zestyclose_Seaweed74

"Predators subdue their prey as much as possible, but they don't always waste the time or energy to completely kill."

"They have to eat as quickly as possible to get their meal in before scavengers come running in. The point to which they subdue their prey would be 'til the point the prey can’t fight back effectively anymore (i.e. kicks can’t hurt)."

"They usually don’t kill them outright before they start eating."

- Stagamemnon

"I heard a story where the bear put it's weight on a part of the person so that it could chew them casually."

"I don't remember where, but this reminded me of that."

- Plus-Creme

"This is the case with most large predators."

"They don't kill you to kill you so much as disable you so you'll stop resisting being eaten. I've seen enough wildlife kills to know they don't wait until you're dead."

"They are in a hurry to eat as much as possible as fast as they can before some scavengers or other predators show up to start something."

- -_Empress_-

Giphy

Kittens...

"Everyone talking about natural predators and other wildlife. Time to bring home reality."

"Kittens contain multiple viruses and bacteria which are transferable to humans, usually through a scratch. If left untreated, these can really screw a person up, even leading to death."

"Cat Scratch Fever is a legitimate medical term, and requires proper care to diagnose and treat. Symptoms are very closely related to the common cold, but can persist due to the bacteria."

"A more terrifying dark fact is cats can hide symptoms of rabies far longer than most other domesticated animals due to most people believing they may have cat scratch fever instead of rabies."

"This unhinged fact is why so many cats were killed during the Black Plague days, as people feared they were spreading the disease. Turns out, it was fleas via rats, which was discovered once the cats were killed but the plague spread even faster."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to apply some antibiotic ointment on my recent scratch since I only learned of all this after adopting one."

"Enjoy!"

- WhiskersWithClaws

Giphy

Trying To Help A Baby

"Bush Babies calls sound like, well, babies."

"An unsuspecting person might head toward them thinking there’s a crying infant that needs help and end up with half their face ripped off, deep skin lacerations, and they’ll be tripping balls."

"Bush Babies (particularly the galago is what I’m referring to) are highly defensive and territorial little menaces."

"They have needle-sharp teeth and grippy little fingers that can peel you apart. Their saliva is so toxic it is considered by many to be a 'venom.' "

"There have been reports from those envenomated to experience symptoms like they’ve been poisoned. Fevers, dizziness, sweating, nausea, rapid heart rate, audio and visual hallucinations."

"And what’s worse? For some, some of the symptoms don’t go away ever."

"In some cases, they’re left in a state of anxiety, depression or a post traumatic stress disorder-like reaction with vivid nightmares when they sleep, random bouts of anxiety, sweating and shaking, etc."

"I have a former coworker who worked with the primates alongside me at a zoo who was attacked by the bush baby who now has crazy nightmares and is now medicated for depression when he claims his mental health was fine before he was attacked. It’s scary stuff."

"They’re adorable but people wear full protective gear when they go in the enclosure now."

"They also piss all over each other to communicate. So they be stinky. And you end up stinky too. Insult to injury."

- wilder-side-pod

Giphy

Penguin Presentation

"Necrophiliac penguins."

"Apparently, a face-down dead female penguin doesn't look sufficiently different than a presenting female penguin, and the males just go for it..."

- Zebirdsandzebats

"Adelie penguins will mate with ANYTHING."

"Dead females. frozen dead females, the decapitated head of a dead animal, their own offspring, fish, and even the ground. THE GROUND. To them, even baby seals are fit mating."

- NegativeAd99

penguin swimming GIF Giphy

Baby Bunnies

"Bunnies will kill their own babies due to any amount of stress..."

"... or if anything goes slightly wrong, or if they are in a bad mood."

- GenderNotFound

"Weirdly enough, in domestic rabbits you can feed a pregnant doe some raw hamburger shortly before the birth and she usually won't try to snack on the babies."

- Askater_620

Sweet Kisses Bunnies GIF Giphy

So Cute!

"Slow lorises are venomous. Their venom glands are in their armpits."

"So when people see this cute little primate put their arms up they think to themselves 'OMG SO CUUUUUUUTE!!' but it's not cute."

"They are, in reality, activating their defenses. At this point they are actively secreting venom which they then lick, the venom mixes with their saliva to make their bites toxic."

"This has only been observed as a defense against other slow lorises, which have been observed with rotting flesh around the site of venom delivery. One case researchers observed one with half their face 'melted.' "

- senatedestroyer

tummy loris GIF Giphy

Adorable Death

"Black footed cats are the most successful feline hunters. More than 65% of their hunts are successful."

"They hunt rodents, lizards and other smaller animals, but they are quite aggressive so when threatened they might even attack humans."

"But they are only a a little bit bigger than house cats and REALLY CUTE, so they aren't a threat to humans."

"To anything smaller, they're death incarnate. To adult humans they're just adorable sassypaws."

- folgore248

GIF by Skab Giphy

Anteaters Are Extreme

"Anteaters are some of the most homicidal and dangerous creatures in the animal kingdom and can scare off predators easily. They are near-totally blind and react to movement by attacking anything that comes near it."

"They happen to live in the same environments as jaguars who are considered some of the best hunters among the big cats and regularly hunt alligators, but jaguars won't go near them."

"This is because anteaters have huge claws that will utterly wreck anyone who tries it - either by cutting a major artery or just gutting someone. One unfortunate zookeeper was attacked by an anteater while cleaning its cage and her coworkers weren't sure whether she would die on the way to the hospital or before the ambulance even arrived."

"And the way they eat is also pretty messed up. Anteaters don't have stomach acids strong enough to digest their prey so they crush up ants and digest them in the ant's own digestive juices."

- res30stupid

hungry planet earth 2 GIF by BBC Earth Giphy

Those Beautiful Birds

"Storks sometimes (not always) will pick the weakest and youngest chick and fling him out of the nest to die if they consider that there’s the possibility of scarcity of food in the future."

"I know they are not evil, this is instinct and probably the best chance of survival for the other siblings and all. But when I found out I was disturbed and never looked at those beautiful birds the same again."

- cerenir

white stork bird GIF by Head Like an Orange Giphy

If It's White, Say Goodnight

"Polar bears are one of the most deadly apex predators on the planet."

"There's a saying about bear attacks: 'If it's black fight back, if it's brown lie down, if it's white say goodnight.' "

"Black bears attack mainly for food and are easily frightened (basically they're big raccoons) so if you make yourself seem not worth it they'll give up."

"Brown bears mainly attack out of fear / defensiveness and will leave if they think you're not a threat or are dead."

"Polar bears, though? They see humans as prey, are several times stronger than any other bear on the planet, and if one sees you you're pretty much as good as dead."

"There are places in the arctic where it's illegal to leave settlements without a firearm to defend yourself from polar bears."

- minnieboss

"Polar bears are not cute, fluffy little creatures that drink Coca Cola. They are one of the few species that seem to kill humans for fun."

- FraudulentCake

scratching polar bear GIF Giphy

God Help You

"A Cassowary's existence is dark enough."

"It looks like a pretty Emu, but it's more like if you mixed an Emu with a coked-up T-Rex."

"They got a reputation as the world's most dangerous bird, and may god help you if you ever accidentally piss one off."

- IceFire909

Australia One Planet GIF by BBC America Giphy

Bubbles

"Chimpanzees."

"Case of humans trying to successfully domesticate chimps do not always go so well. The older the chimp gets the more aggressive it can become."

"In one case, a chimpanzee known to be friendly throughout the neighbourhood by everyone suddenly turned a corner one day and savagely attacked the owner’s friend."

"Not to get too graphic, but some limbs were removed and surgery was required."

- W4T3RM3LONS

"It didn't work for Michael Jackson and Bubbles, it's not gonna work for anyone."

"Not that Michael was some sort of primate expert, but he had more than enough money to afford care and access to every specialist he wanted. Chimps are wild animals, they are not pets or babies - Bubbles got way too aggressive and had to go."

"They're scary-strong and can rip your limbs or face off quite easily. It's happened more than once."

- [Reddit]

baby animals chimp GIF by BBC Earth Giphy

Cute Little Clocks

"Do you know about the cuckoo?"

"These little jerks go around to other bird's nests and replace the eggs that were there with their own eggs. Then the 'foster' parents raise the cuckoo as its own."

"Evolutionary genius? Perhaps."

"But why the f*ck do we make cute little clocks about these insidious a-holes?"

- Loki_Dar

Giphy

This whole thread deserves a collective:

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang Nature, you scary!"

Now that you're thoroughly horrified, or at least concerned for your mental health after a Bush Baby attack (which is a new thing I have anxiety about now, thanks!) it's your turn to spread some trauma!

What's an awful animal fact you know?

Want to "know" more?

Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

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People Break Down The Biggest Bombshells Their Therapist Ever Dropped On Them

Reddit user anonymiss0018 asked: 'What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?'

Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.


When I was in high school, my friends and I went to a pizza place after school nearly every day. In addition to a slice of pizza, we would each buy a soda. The place offered free refills (this was back when not all places did this), and we thought it was really cool. However, I used to wonder why they would do this. Wouldn't it be more profitable to them if they forced us to buy a second drink?

Four years later, I began working in a restaurant and learned that more often than not, the cups we gave out for soda cost more than the syrup that went in the drink. The restaurant offered us free food on days we worked, but we couldn't get drinks for free unless we brought our own cups.

This was shocking to me and put free refills into a whole new perspective. We could sell the soda for more than it cost to make, but no one would buy a soda if we tried to sell it for more than the cup cost. It would cost us less to allow customers to refill the same cup for free than it would be to give or even sell them another cup because it would cost the business a lot to replace each cup.

Soda cups aren't the only things that have a high mark up price, and they're not the only products people were surprised to find had a high mark up. Redditors know of lots of products that they were surprised to find out has a high mark up and are ready to share.

It all started when Redditor petrastales asked:

"What product unbeknownst to most people has the highest mark up?"

​Equality Doesn't Exist

"Back in the early 2000’s I was managing a restaurant - garlic bread was selling for 3.95 and cost 0.07 to make. Not all food items are equal when it comes to margins!"

– leyland_gaunt

"I came here specifically to mention pizza. The profit margins on pizza are nuts, you have to suck at making it to not stay open."

– DreadedChalupacabra

"Yeah, it drives me nuts when you can request add-ons, but it's like $3 for a few pieces of camembert, or $2 for some chopped tomato, when it probably cost $5 for an entire 1kg bag of tomatoes."

– Writerhowell

How Cheesy

"Yeah and like 1.50 of that pizza was the cheese."

"Cheese is the most expensive part of a pizza assuming youre not doing some weird specialty stuff."

– Doomstik

"Can confirm. Worked at a pizza place. An incompetent employee was supposed to fluff a box of cheese but dropped it on the ground by accident. the owner was there. I swear I saw him shed a tear because that box was $120 of pure uncut shredded mozzarella and that was supposed to become like $1,000 in pizzas."

– PM_Sexy_Catgirls_Meo

That's Nuts!

"Yeah I worked at a place that did charcuterie, I apologized to the chef for munching out on the fancy olives all night. He said he didn't give a damn, as long as it kept my hands off the roasted cashews. Big jar of olives was like 15 bucks, the equivalent of cashews was like 200 bucks."

– hudson27

Bamboozled

"Reminds me of the never-ending pasta at Olive Garden. Pasta is dirt cheap and incredibly filling. The chances of you eating enough that it's actually a good deal for you is very slim."

– IBJON

"When I was working at a chain pizza restaurant, the storage manager wanted to get pasta on the menu, because of the profit margins. It's crazy because it cost us $2.10 to make a 17 inch pizza, and we sold them for $14."

– fukreddit73264

Not Worth It

"Flavored seltzers at a brewery. The beer costs 10x as much to make, but they charge almost the same at the tap."

– LocoCracka

"I have a buddy who made seltzers at a brewery in the Bay Area. Some malt liquor, very little flavoring, and a ton of soda water."

"Couldn’t make a cheaper adult beverage if you tried."

– Ikarus_Zer0

Ma, I Can't See!

"Glasses."

"Luxottica owns most major eye wear stores, costs them a few dollars to make and you pay hundreds for them."

– godnrop

"My cousin taught English in China after college in the early 2000s, apparently they had machines in malls where you could look into a pair of holes, do a vision test, get a prescription, and have a pair of glasses automatically ground for you in like 2 minutes for about $5, and the only reason we don't have that in the US is regulations."

"I travel to China frequently for work. I just take the USA prescription for family and friends and they have them made in about an hour or less. Family and friends give me an idea of frames they like and they pop the prescription lenses in. I pay about USD40 for the top-grade lens material that is antifog and anti-scratch."

i3f8j

"I don’t really object to paying $50 for an eye exam, I object to paying $300 for a pair of frames. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to take the prescription the optometrist gives you, enter the numbers into the machine, and get the same $5 glasses."

river4823

​Message Received

"Back in the day, text messaging."

– alien109

"That's why I left T-Mobile in 2005. They were charging me for incoming texts but offered no way for me to block them. So basically, someone else had control of my bill."

– CGYOMH

"I remember being young, spending the $20 I worked so hard for so I could get minutes, only for a friend with unlimited minutes to spam me with a few texts and take it all away. What an upsetting time."

– Boopcheese

Ice Ice Baby

"Soft drinks in pubs. Especially the ones from “the tap”. Costs pennies and they charge £3 for a pint of it. Probably the biggest earner in a pub."

– lucky_1979

"Especially when they just cram a glass with ice and then lightly moisten it with the actual drink you ordered."

– jamesmowry

"My work just came out with a policy that we need to completely fill the glass with ice because it "keeps the drink colder for longer".. eyeroll."

– metalbridgebuilder

"The nuts and bolts section at your local big box hardware store is the highest markup isle. 500% or more. If you need more than a few bolts, go shopping at a proper hardware supplier."

– SatanLifeProTips

"Whenever I go through one of these aisles and look at the price for a single bolt or screw, I look at the overall assortment and think: There must be tens of thousands of dollars just for the shelf-price of fasteners I see right here in this aisle alone."

"The markup is crazy, but why do I want to buy a box of 100 screws if I only need two?"

– lemming_follower

Second To One

"The second-cheapest bottle of wine on the menu."

– slocki

"In order to not look cheap, many people will buy the 2nd cheapest item on the menu."

– AprilsMostAmazing

"Wine in restaurants in general. The markup on wine is wild. My boss used to get whatever was “on sale” from the distributor and usually pay $3-4 a bottle and sell it at $10 a glass."

– she_shoots

Pour Some Sugar On Me

"Candy floss / cotton candy. £4.99 for legitimately 10p worth of sugar."

– Tylervdub

"I used to work food service at an amusement park for a summer job."

"A manager told us that the cost of making a bag of cotton candy, including ingredients, labor, etc., was 19 cents...we sold it for $3."

– etm105

Look, Don't Drive

"Those button batteries in store."

"They know you need one asap cause your car won’t unlock so you are stuck."

"Wait 1 day and you can get a dozen from Amazon for same price."

– kindrudekid

Medical Supplies

"As a Diabetic I'm pretty sure it's Insulin."

– PraiseThePun81

"Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this."

"I spend over $13k annually on ‘good’ insurance that doesn’t cover half of the things I need as a diabetic. I spend half that again on the insulin and supplies. It’s a racket."

– Nosce_Temet

H2O

"Water."

– ganic-Lie4759

"Bottled water is so highly marked up as to qualify as a scam."

"At no extra cost aside from the bottle (I don’t have a water meter) my water is completely free. It tastes as good or better than bottled."

– 6033624

I didn't know about any of this!

I can hear my wallet crying.