Dad Asks For Advice On How To Remedy Things After Accidentally Walking In On His 16-Year-Old Son Having Gay Sex
A father discovered his teenage son was gay after walking in on him and his boyfriend having sex.
The father going by username ThrowRA_Gay on Reddit had no problem with his son's sexuality as it was no surprise to him even though his son had not come out to him yet.
However, he was not prepared for the perpetual awkwardness that followed in the aftermath of the mid-coitus interruption.
How do you talk to your evasive teenager about coming out and having safe sex?
Not knowing how to deal with the situation, the concerned dad turned to Reddit's Relationship Advice thread and asked if his son's behavior was just "natural awkwardness or embarrassment."
He prefaced his story with:
"This is how you dad."
from relationship_advice
"So a week ago my son had one of his really good friends over for a sleepover, and I went up to his room to ask them if they wanted any dessert."
"Normally if it's just my son I knock, because well privacy, but it was him and his friend so I figured I didn't really need to."
"It was an hour or so later than I would normally go up and ask them so that's probably why they let their 'guard down.'"
Their guard was down and then some.
"Anyway I open the door and my son's getting bonked by his friend. I don't know if reacted that well - but not badly either, I just said something like 'oh f**k' and shut the door again."
"I waited downstairs for maybe 20 minutes to see if they would come say anything but they didn't so I went to bed."
"When I woke up the next morning his friend was gone and my son looked so scared and tired, I don't think he slept that much, not that I can blame him."
"It was kind of awkward, but eventually he was like yeah dad I'm gay and [friend] is my boyfriend of 2 years (surprised by that but in a nice way i guess) - him being gay wasn't a surprise as I've always suspected to be honest, but I didn't say that of course and was like okay cool love you no matter what, I don't care who you like."
"Since then he's been very awkward and barely said a word to me or even looked at me. I've tried to talk but it's always ends up a very short and awkward conversation."
"Is it just natural awkwardness and embarrassment? Hell, I'm sure if my dad had saw me having sex I would've faked my death and moved to Mexico or something."
"Today I asked him if he wanted to bring his boyfriend for dinner/sleepover in a more official 'boyfriend' capacity and he seemed to perk up at that a little and said 'sure that'd be cool' - so maybe things are getting a little less awkward."
"Is this awkwardness natural or should I be doing something different?"
"I'm also going to buy him a lock for his door and tell him that I want him to feel comfortable 'doing it' in the house with his boyfriend (I'd rather here than some dark alley with heroin needles and serial killers or anything like that) - but I'm not sure how to word it well, and also make the conversation as least awkward as possible."
The OP's post received 85% upvotes, with readers responding favorably towards how he handled the situation.
"I'd stress this. It's going to be awkward regardless. It's not awkward because he's gay."
"It's awkward because he's a teenager who got walked in on by his dad. On top of not really getting to come out on his own terms."
"My parents walked in on me (M) with my girlfriend when I was younger. That was mortifying."
"He's had a boyfriend for 2 years you didn't know about and found out about him being gay, having a boyfriend, and walking in on them all at once. That's a lot." – cageynay
"Wow, you sound like a really great father. I'd say you're doing everything right so far."
"Just make sure it's very clear to him that you completely accept his sexual orientation, if you haven't done that yet."
"Oh, and make sure to thoroughly educate him about safe sex, because pregnancy isn't the only worry."
"Even if both partners are tested to be clean, a condom should always be used during gay sex to prevent UTIs (which are no fun)."
"You're doing great! I wish there were more people out there like you. You have my admiration sir." – WitheredFlowers
In addition to being lauded for being a good dad, readers educated him about safe sex practices and considered suggesting for his son to take pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).
"You're an awesome dad!! Just make sure they're using protection."
"I used to work with individuals living with HIV/AIDS, and there's a reason why it's more common with gay men (bc it's easier to spread STI's through anal sex due to more open tears and blood, which is how HIV is spread)" – ohmynipnops
"It might be awkward but lube is also really important. I caught my old foster brother stealing lube for him and his boyfriend and since then I just told him to ask me and I will buy them some."
"Kids are going to have sex and it's an important part of safe anal sex." – not-reusable
Readers also suggested to bypass the awkwardness of offering to buy condoms by providing them instead.
"Don't even bother to offer to buy condoms. Just do it, leave them some place your son and BF can get at them and then tell him they're there for them to use when they need them." – about831
"You sound like a great dad. If he's pretty embarrassed about the whole thing, instead of the agony of offering to buy them, you could just get some condoms and leave them in a bathroom drawer or cabinet."
"Make sure he knows they're available and leave it at that. Replenish as needed." – superherostitch
Yes!! OP, not all gay relationships have defined tops and bottoms. A lot of people switch."
"So offer to buy them condoms and lube. Best just buy a whole heap and say 'they're in the bathroom!'. And fill it up whenever needed. They won't want to be asking all the time." – AffectionatePanic
Actions speak louder than words.
"When I got my first girlfriend, my dad told me 'make sure to be safe' at dinner. When I went to brush my teeth that night I saw a surprise box of condoms in my bathroom."
"I have never spoken to him about he, he has never spoken to me about it. He was, and still is, a good father." – I_no_afraid_of_stuff
Give it some time.
"Yep! Even if you had no reservations whatsoever about your parents accepting your sexuality, it would be mortifying for them to see it in the flesh."
"My dad walked in on my giving myself a bikini wax when I was in Grade 11, and when he tried to talk about it the next morning (to be sure I was okay - he had no idea what I was doing and I think he suspected some kind of masturbation injury) I was so seized by embarrassment that I climbed out the huge window in our kitchen and ran off to school without any of my stuff."
"And that was just hygiene! Time eventually allowed me to make eye contact with him again, hopefully that will also work wonders for OP and his son." – KikiCanuck
Let them know you are here for them.
Redditor QueenMoogle – who identifies as a lesbian – said the supportive conversations she had with her mother was worth all the "awkwardness in the world."
"You need to be a bit morestraightgay forward with him. Sit him down and say, 'Son, it's time to clear the air. I'm not mad. I love you for who you are. If this young man is special to you, I'd like to get to know him, too. If it's fine by you, I'd like to get a lock for your door so you can have more privacy'".
"'I also want to make sure that you are being safe in what you two are doing. I know it's weird because I'm your parent, but you can talk to me about anything. Your happiness and safety are my #1 priorities in life.'"
"You're the father to a teenager. It will be awkward by nature! But you have a heart of gold and it's obvious that you have nothing but love towards your son."
"I can't tell you how many painfully awkward conversations my mom had with me about my sexuality. She even tried giving me the lesbian sex talk, which made me want to crawl in a hole and die."
"But underneath all of that discomfort, I could tell how much she loved and accepted me. Even if the kids at school bullied me, I knew for a fact that she was in my corner each and every time."
"That feeling of security you will give your boy is worth all of the awkwardness in the world. I hope you know just how much that will mean to a young gay man in this world." – QueenMoogle
While having these types of discussions are potentially awkward, showing your teenage kids your support will mean the world to them in the long run.
The book Unconditional: A Guide to Loving and Supporting Your LGBTQ Child is available here.
It's highly believed that it is important to learn history as a means to improve our future.
What is often overlooked is that what is taught in history class is going to be very different depending on where you went to school.
And this isn't just internationally, even different regions of the United states will likely have very different lessons on American history.
This frequently results in our learning fascinating, heartbreaking and horrifying historical facts which our middle or high school history teachers neglected to teach us.
Redditor Acherontia_atropos91 was curious to learn things people either wished they had learned, or believe they should have learned, in their school history class, leading them to ask:
What isn’t taught in history class but should be?
The Irish Troubles
"The troubles."
"Too many people in America do not understand why a wall straight through Ireland would be a BAD idea."
"I’m referring to the Brexit referendum and possible outcomes."
"If people were wondering why we were talking about walls through Ireland in the first place."- CLCVS.
Forgotten elements of World War II
"What the Japanese did to the Chinese during WW2."
"Unit 731."- CaptainMcBoogerJew.
"Japan gets off easy for their war crimes in WW2."
"They killed an estimated 16mil Chinese civilians and another 8mil soldiers"
"Also, Pol Pot."
"Didn't know who he was until I was like 25."
"Worst dictator all time (in terms of percentage of population he decimated)".
The truth about the American Revolution
"That the American Revolution was part of a wider cold war type of conflict with France."
"The American Revolution was basically the UK's equivalent of the US version of Vietnam."- vinsant7.
The Dark side of Swedish history.
"As a Swede, I'd like to know more of all the horrible sh*t my country has done throughout history."
"It's a damn shame we're trying to hide our history."
"For example, Swedes killed a metric sh*t ton of all Polish people when we were at our strongest."
"That's the kinda sh*t we don't get to learn."- mogwandayy.
Colonization
"Basically what Belgium did to the Congo."
"A lot of people are telling me that they are taught about this actually."
"I'm glad to hear it because I wasn't taught about this in the USA during my public school days (1995-2008)."- EconArch.
The truth about "heroes".
"While teaching about historical Heroes they should also tell students about the unspeakable things some of them did."
"Many famous figures throughout history who are pillars of morality actually did many terrible things." - User Deleted
Intolerance for Mental Illness
"The dark history of mental illness treatments."
"I think it's worth learning about."- 7dayexcerpt.
Slavic Mythology
"Slavic mythology in Slavic countries."
"Don't get me wrong, I love both Greek & Roman mythology and as a person from the Balkans both of those cultures are part of my country's history and had great influence over not only my region but the entirety of the continent & the western world but I wouldn't mind knowing more about Slavic mythology as well."- ShorsShezzarine.
The truth about the CIA
"How the CIA was made and all the shady things they did over the years."- ALargeChip.
There is a lot about the history of our world, not to mention our own country which shouldn't be ignored.
And it's from learning from our mistakes that we really improve our future.
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So apparently we are in the endemic phase of this nonsense.
We have light at the end of the tunnel.
So what now?
Where do we go from here?
Normal seems like an outdated word.
How do we get back to normal though?
Is it even possible?
What are reaching back to?
Life pre-Covid.
Those were the days.
If only we could bring them back.
Redditor hetravelingsong wanted to discuss our new normal in this hopeful "endemic" phase. So they asked:
"What’s something random you miss about pre-COVID times?"
I miss people being sane. Though that maybe election cycle issues not COVID. We'll never know.
I thought I was Alone...
"Being able to grocery shop after 11 pm."
Reading_Rainboner
"Hell yes. I miss the days where the Walmart across the street was open 24 hours."
Small_Tax_9432
let's just go...
"I miss spontaneity... everything now seems to have a barrier of difficulty."
iidosee
"I live very close to Disneyland so I have an annual pass. My friends and I would just go there after work and hang out and grab a bite to eat."
"Now, we have to reserve a day to go. And most of the time, the days are at 'full' capacity so we couldn't even reserve. I don't want to schedule to hang out at Disneyland for a couple hours for July. So yeah, I definitely miss the 'lets go eat at Disneyland tonight?' texts."
mymymissmai
Not til 24-25
"Functioning global supply chains. Ah, the product you want has got microchips in it? 9 month wait."
richard-king
"Minimum, I'd been saying for a while now that I wouldn't expect a true return to normalcy in terms of electronics prices till 2024-2025. Although Crypto crashing through the floor really took some of the pressure off graphics cards which I really appreciate."
statiiic
WTF?!?!
"How affordable everything was!"
Disastrous_Hour_6776
"Yep. Today I was bagging up my things at the grocery store and I heard the cashier say to the lady behind me 'thats $78.12.' She had -- 2 boxes of Kellogg's corn flakes, a carton of 12 eggs, milk, strawberries, raspberries, blue berries, a small cheese cake, English muffins, coffee, and a small whole frozen chicken that could maybe feed 3 people if the meat portioning was small."
SnowyInuk
Sushi
"My favorite sushi place. It was good quality, close by, kid-friendly, and not too expensive."
InannasPocket
All of this... it was a simpler time.
NASTY
"As a retail worker, just how f**king NASTY some people have gotten."
DmitriPetrov*itch
"They applauded you for being an essential worker but won’t vote for policies that’ll raise minimum wage while insisting a wage cap for heavily paid employees."
sketchysketchist
CHANGES your DNA...
"Some of the people closest to me became very bitter and petty over the last 2 years. So many people have the 'crazy eyes' now."
__--__7
"So true and holidays with the family is like who has the biggest tinfoil hat building contest. How many jumps does your brain have to go through to think that the Covid vaccine CHANGES your DNA into the patented DNA so that the government now controls your body."
"So like vaccinated people now have a singular DNA set. I feel like I still have a chunk of my brain just broken off due to that comment alone. I was also told by same family member that I could never donate blood again due to the vaccine. I guess it is so my patented DNA doesn't affect people?? FYI my vaccinated butt just donated today fine and multiple other times after the vaccine."
tyreka13
Homeward Bound
"House prices."
adrianinked
"I'm resigned to never thinking I have a chance on owning property where I live. I'm 30 and just can't imagine it anymore. And I don't want to live anywhere else so, whatever."
Osdab2daf
"That didn’t happen because of the pandemic. That was already happening regardless."
CH11DW
Oh Mickey
"All Day Breakfast at McDonalds."
hutch2522
"It was honestly hell to do, and not very popular. ITs margins aren't anywhere dinner and lunch specials. ON top of that, the temperatures are such that They require its own grill, meaning that if you have 2 grills in shop, you are down 50% of lunch capacity."
Freyas_Follower
Way back when...
"Hanging out with friends. And I mean waaaaaay before Covid. Like 2006 back when I had some friends."
LoocsinatasYT
I miss the old days. Maybe we'll get back there.
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What do you believe?
Is there a GOD in the sky?
Is he guiding us and helping us?
Life is really hard. Why is that is a big entity is up there loving us?
Atheists have taken a lot of heat for what feels like shunning GOD.
What if they've been right all along?
Maybe let's take a listen and see what they really think.
Redditor __Jacob______ wanted to hear from the people who don't really believe all that "God" stuff. They asked:
"Atheists, what do you believe in?"
I'm waffling between G-O-D and nothing. So please give me some education.
911
"We need to look out for each other because help isn't coming."
cknipe
Peace Out
"More than 2 decades ago, a priest was giving a sermon in my church and he said 'our faith requires you to believe without question. Why call it faith if you have to ask questions?' I haven't returned to church. Not until my wedding day but you know what I mean."
asiangontear
Delusion
"When I was young I used to think that after death you would have access to a PC that you could see absolutely anything about your life. Stats, any question you had no matter how obscure, replays of moments, perspectives of others in relation to you. No matter what you wanted to know, if it was relatable to you, you could see it. I know it's silly, but as time goes on I just want it to be real, and I don't think I'd have any issue allowing myself to fall into that delusion."
eggwardpenisglands
I think nothing happens...
"Realistically, I think nothing happens. We literally experience nothing after death. Same thing that we experience before birth. We don't exist, so it's nothing. I think the tenant that we should follow while living is to try to be happy and healthy while minimizing the damage we do to each other."
"What I would LIKE to happen after death is whatever you believe in, exists. I think Christians should get to go to heaven if they truly believe in it, Hindus and Buddhists get reincarnated, and everyone else also gets to experience what they believe they will experience."
"'I would still experience Nothing. Maybe it's one of those things where at the moment of death their brain makes them experience what feels like an infinitely long moment in time where they experience their afterlife. I just think it would be neat for everybody."
Better_Meat_
Shrug
"Best advice I received from a dear senior on their way out. 'You win some, you lose some' shrug. Nothing divine, life is that simple and wonderful, accept it and move on."
Tune_Kindly
It all sounds pretty simple. Why are people so up in arms about Atheists?
Whatever
"I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do."
imCIK
Cool with Empty
"Nothing. [Serious]."
rumblingtummy29
"I feel this way about death. When I was 5, my grandfather died and my cousin simple said, he is dead, that means you are gone forever. Everything ends up dying, even plants and animals. I'm now in my 40's and still have this simplistic view of life and death. People think I'm ambivalent to life and death but it's just what it is."
thepigfish82
puppet-masters...
"I think a lot of religious people struggle with the fact that we are all just swirling units of chaos. There is no grand plan or great orchestrator. I think that’s why people who are prone to religion are also susceptible to things like Q anon and the Cabal and all that. They REALLY want to believe that there is some almighty puppet-master who determines all of humanity’s fate."
Lngtmelrker
“we’re living in a society!”
"Just be a kind and empathetic person not because you’re worried about some cosmic justice, but because it’s the right thing to do. If there is some being that created us there’s no way they actually care about believing in it or adhering to some rules from over 2000 years ago."
"Also a big thing for me is that I find the idea that you need religion or the Bible in order to have morals and ethics pretty dumb. It’s pretty f**king clear that most evangelicals have neither. But my main thing is being a good person simply because, as George Costanza once said we’re living in a society!' If you’re only a good person in order to make it to heaven you probably aren’t actually a good and moral person."
conservative_genius
That's All
"You're born. You live. You die. That's it. After you die you cease to exist, the same as before you were born."
serefina
Believe what you want. We're all here together. So let's focus there.
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The list of what irritates me is endless.
I mean... breathing too loud or dust can set me off.
I'm a bit unstable, yes.
But I'm not alone.
So let's discuss.
Redditor Aburntbagel6 wanted to hear about all the times many of us just couldn't control our disdain. They asked:
"What never fails to piss you off?"
I feel like this article can go on forever. Let's get some highlights.
Wasted Time
"Meetings that could and should have been an email."
Sirena609
Lotto People
"Getting stuck behind people playing the lottery at a corner store."
thenuggetlover
"I also used to work in a gas station and you’re SO right. I f**king hated the lottery people. Especially since my store had a small staff and there was usually only one of us working at a time, which meant that I couldn’t get any of my other work done as long as they were there."
"And you’re right, it’s also pretty sad to watch. I had one lady who used to come in every day and spent hundreds and HUNDREDS of dollars on scratch tickets. One day, she won $200 after spending probably around $600 and she was so excited and saying she can 'finally pay her bills.'"
i-am-your-god-now
Aware...
"No situational awareness. Job, home, shopping, driving. Think for one minute and go about. OBSERVE!!"
Dizzy-Foundation8122
"My mom is one of those people who leave the shopping cart in the middle of the damn aisle and proceed to walk twenty feet away. After correcting her a million times to no effect I just walk away now so people don’t know I’m with her."
OutrageousEvent
Shut Up!
"Endless barking in the middle of the night, I love animals but that sh*t I can't stand."
Acceptable-Lemon2924
"Endless barking in general drives me up a wall. One of my friends dogs was barking almost an entire gaming session the other day. I wanted to reach through the computer and smack him for letting it go on."
bangersnmash13
Kindness
"People being mean to service workers, especially if the workers are very young."'
scaryboilednoodles
All of these things. I hate them all.
Admit It
"People who never accept fault when they mess something up. Like, why blame a million people when it was clearly you who did it???"
Quirky-Area-8978
From Above
"My upstairs neighbors."
lutzow89
"I had terrible neighbors at my previous apartment. It was a one person studio for students, but her boyfriend was clearly living with her illegally and he was loud."
"One night we knocked n the door at 3 AM because of the loud music and an unknown girl opened the door. I just thought they were having a little party. But the next door I saw the girl living there come home with a suitcase after having been away for the weekend... Her BF was cheating on her in her own apartment."
Th3_Accountant
Move Away
"People who sit directly next to me at the airport, movie theater, any other place where you can choose a seat when there is PLENTY of other seating."
BacardiPardy33
"I can’t YES this enough and the ones who can’t park for crap so they park so close you can’t open doors on one side of the car or the ones who park directly behind when you pulled through so the door won’t open to load groceries."
BacardiPardy33
It's Over
"People who try to restart old drama. Like I'm done with you, just leave me alone."
Tired_Potatos
"Yep, half the reason I've basically quit playing one of my favorite online video games. People keep bringing old crap up or sh*tting on on someone who used to be our friend. I got tired of it so I just ejected the game out of me."
CaucasianHumus
AHHHHH!!!
"People walking too slow in front of me with no way to get around them. It’s even worse if it’s a couple or group taking up the whole sidewalk. HAVE SOME SPATIAL AWARENESS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!"
_-v0x-_
Life in general pisses me off. I'm easy.
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