A father discovered his teenage son was gay after walking in on him and his boyfriend having sex.
The father going by username ThrowRA_Gay on Reddit had no problem with his son's sexuality as it was no surprise to him even though his son had not come out to him yet.
However, he was not prepared for the perpetual awkwardness that followed in the aftermath of the mid-coitus interruption.
How do you talk to your evasive teenager about coming out and having safe sex?
Not knowing how to deal with the situation, the concerned dad turned to Reddit's Relationship Advice thread and asked if his son's behavior was just "natural awkwardness or embarrassment."
He prefaced his story with:
"This is how you dad."
from relationship_advice
"So a week ago my son had one of his really good friends over for a sleepover, and I went up to his room to ask them if they wanted any dessert."
"Normally if it's just my son I knock, because well privacy, but it was him and his friend so I figured I didn't really need to."
"It was an hour or so later than I would normally go up and ask them so that's probably why they let their 'guard down.'"
Their guard was down and then some.
"Anyway I open the door and my son's getting bonked by his friend. I don't know if reacted that well - but not badly either, I just said something like 'oh f**k' and shut the door again."
"I waited downstairs for maybe 20 minutes to see if they would come say anything but they didn't so I went to bed."
"When I woke up the next morning his friend was gone and my son looked so scared and tired, I don't think he slept that much, not that I can blame him."
"It was kind of awkward, but eventually he was like yeah dad I'm gay and [friend] is my boyfriend of 2 years (surprised by that but in a nice way i guess) - him being gay wasn't a surprise as I've always suspected to be honest, but I didn't say that of course and was like okay cool love you no matter what, I don't care who you like."
"Since then he's been very awkward and barely said a word to me or even looked at me. I've tried to talk but it's always ends up a very short and awkward conversation."
"Is it just natural awkwardness and embarrassment? Hell, I'm sure if my dad had saw me having sex I would've faked my death and moved to Mexico or something."
"Today I asked him if he wanted to bring his boyfriend for dinner/sleepover in a more official 'boyfriend' capacity and he seemed to perk up at that a little and said 'sure that'd be cool' - so maybe things are getting a little less awkward."
"Is this awkwardness natural or should I be doing something different?"
"I'm also going to buy him a lock for his door and tell him that I want him to feel comfortable 'doing it' in the house with his boyfriend (I'd rather here than some dark alley with heroin needles and serial killers or anything like that) - but I'm not sure how to word it well, and also make the conversation as least awkward as possible."
The OP's post received 85% upvotes, with readers responding favorably towards how he handled the situation.
"I'd stress this. It's going to be awkward regardless. It's not awkward because he's gay."
"It's awkward because he's a teenager who got walked in on by his dad. On top of not really getting to come out on his own terms."
"My parents walked in on me (M) with my girlfriend when I was younger. That was mortifying."
"He's had a boyfriend for 2 years you didn't know about and found out about him being gay, having a boyfriend, and walking in on them all at once. That's a lot." – cageynay
"Wow, you sound like a really great father. I'd say you're doing everything right so far."
"Just make sure it's very clear to him that you completely accept his sexual orientation, if you haven't done that yet."
"Oh, and make sure to thoroughly educate him about safe sex, because pregnancy isn't the only worry."
"Even if both partners are tested to be clean, a condom should always be used during gay sex to prevent UTIs (which are no fun)."
"You're doing great! I wish there were more people out there like you. You have my admiration sir." – WitheredFlowers
In addition to being lauded for being a good dad, readers educated him about safe sex practices and considered suggesting for his son to take pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).
"You're an awesome dad!! Just make sure they're using protection."
"I used to work with individuals living with HIV/AIDS, and there's a reason why it's more common with gay men (bc it's easier to spread STI's through anal sex due to more open tears and blood, which is how HIV is spread)" – ohmynipnops
"It might be awkward but lube is also really important. I caught my old foster brother stealing lube for him and his boyfriend and since then I just told him to ask me and I will buy them some."
"Kids are going to have sex and it's an important part of safe anal sex." – not-reusable
Readers also suggested to bypass the awkwardness of offering to buy condoms by providing them instead.
"Don't even bother to offer to buy condoms. Just do it, leave them some place your son and BF can get at them and then tell him they're there for them to use when they need them." – about831
"You sound like a great dad. If he's pretty embarrassed about the whole thing, instead of the agony of offering to buy them, you could just get some condoms and leave them in a bathroom drawer or cabinet."
"Make sure he knows they're available and leave it at that. Replenish as needed." – superherostitch
Yes!! OP, not all gay relationships have defined tops and bottoms. A lot of people switch."
"So offer to buy them condoms and lube. Best just buy a whole heap and say 'they're in the bathroom!'. And fill it up whenever needed. They won't want to be asking all the time." – AffectionatePanic
Actions speak louder than words.
"When I got my first girlfriend, my dad told me 'make sure to be safe' at dinner. When I went to brush my teeth that night I saw a surprise box of condoms in my bathroom."
"I have never spoken to him about he, he has never spoken to me about it. He was, and still is, a good father." – I_no_afraid_of_stuff
Give it some time.
"Yep! Even if you had no reservations whatsoever about your parents accepting your sexuality, it would be mortifying for them to see it in the flesh."
"My dad walked in on my giving myself a bikini wax when I was in Grade 11, and when he tried to talk about it the next morning (to be sure I was okay - he had no idea what I was doing and I think he suspected some kind of masturbation injury) I was so seized by embarrassment that I climbed out the huge window in our kitchen and ran off to school without any of my stuff."
"And that was just hygiene! Time eventually allowed me to make eye contact with him again, hopefully that will also work wonders for OP and his son." – KikiCanuck
Let them know you are here for them.
Redditor QueenMoogle – who identifies as a lesbian – said the supportive conversations she had with her mother was worth all the "awkwardness in the world."
"You need to be a bit morestraightgay forward with him. Sit him down and say, 'Son, it's time to clear the air. I'm not mad. I love you for who you are. If this young man is special to you, I'd like to get to know him, too. If it's fine by you, I'd like to get a lock for your door so you can have more privacy'".
"'I also want to make sure that you are being safe in what you two are doing. I know it's weird because I'm your parent, but you can talk to me about anything. Your happiness and safety are my #1 priorities in life.'"
"You're the father to a teenager. It will be awkward by nature! But you have a heart of gold and it's obvious that you have nothing but love towards your son."
"I can't tell you how many painfully awkward conversations my mom had with me about my sexuality. She even tried giving me the lesbian sex talk, which made me want to crawl in a hole and die."
"But underneath all of that discomfort, I could tell how much she loved and accepted me. Even if the kids at school bullied me, I knew for a fact that she was in my corner each and every time."
"That feeling of security you will give your boy is worth all of the awkwardness in the world. I hope you know just how much that will mean to a young gay man in this world." – QueenMoogle
While having these types of discussions are potentially awkward, showing your teenage kids your support will mean the world to them in the long run.
The book Unconditional: A Guide to Loving and Supporting Your LGBTQ Child is available here.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.