Bartenders deal with all kinds of people each and every day, and they've been prone to save their customers from the more unsavory types, as we learned when Redditor TheUnderstandingJerk asked: "Bartenders of Reddit, has any male customer ever ordered the "Safeword" Drink at your bar? What happened and how did it go?" Bartenders (and their customers) waved in.
"I've never tended bar..."
I've never tended bar, but I've mouthed "help" to a bartender before. Handsy older lady refused to take hints or stop touching me. It was beyond just physical contact, she was rubbing my thighs and whispering in my ear type of stuff. I was worried about physically stopping her for obvious reasons, and didn't want to run out on my tab (working out of town and ate dinner in the bar, so big tab). Bartender actually distracted her and waved me out while mouthing "just go". I came back the next night to square up, and the new bartender said he heard all about it, and they put my food/drinks on the older lady's tab so don't worry about it.
"No, but once a young woman..."
No, but once a young woman came up to me and explained that she was there with a friend and a group of guys that she didn't know. She said that one of the guys was already bombed, we should stop serving him, and he kept trying to show another guy some pictures on his phone.
I kept an eye on things and, sure enough, dude needed to cut off. When I approached the table to deliver the news, the drunk guy was showing another dude some cell photos and I heard him tell the other guy "...and she's only fifteen years old."
I told the other bartender not to seat the table, and I went into the office and called the police. On the off chance that the guy had cp on his phone I didn't want to deal with it. The police usually got to the bar about 5 minutes after calling. When they hadn't shown up in about 15 minutes, I looked for them in the parking lot. It looked like they were arresting someone.
One of the cops came into the bar a few minutes later and asked about the phone. I took him over to the table and asked what was goin on in the parking lot. He said they found a drunk guy in the parking lot stumbling around. He said dude told them he was about to leave but had left his phone inside. They threw him in cuffs and sat him on the curb just to keep an eye on him while they came in to talk about the phone.
Sure enough, it was the same dude. Cop takes the phone and I reiterate what had happened. The cops leave and take dude with them.
A few weeks later the officer comes back into the bar to follow up. Says that they arrested the guy and that dude had admitted to having "questionable stuff" on his phone.
"Victim" here..."
"Victim" here (I put it in quotations because I wasn't necessarily assaulted or anything) I'm 33/m now, but I was 22 at the time. I knew nothing about safeword drinks at the time. I was young, in a bar, having a good time. One of the guys I was partying with said some woman told him I looked scrumptious. Okay, I'm not an ugly guy, but I wasn't feeling it. Told him as much, and (at risk of seeming shallow) once I saw the woman I was not even remotely close to turned on.
I get a little lit, standing off to the side nursing a drink when I'm suddenly dragged onto the dance floor. Play it cool, dance a song, try to slip away. Get next to the bar and dragged off near the pool tables by the same woman. She weighed more than I did. I was 180 lbs at 6'1 at the time.
The long and short of it is that I spent over an hour hiding from a woman at the bar only to have to beg a bouncer to help me get a cab and get out of the bar unseen. Every time I tried to leave her friends would block the entrance. Couldn't even go out for a smoke. Bouncer snuck me out through the kitchen.
"Just last night..."
Bartender here: Just last night I saw a girl being aggressively hit on right in front of me, to which she was very obviously not interested in. I leaned over the bar and plainly said, "Hey buddy, cut the sh*t. She's not into you." He responded with a kind of, hands up, I'm not doing anything wrong kind of thing. I told him to leave her alone or he's gone. He apologized, to me oddly, and walked the opposite way.
"The bartender nodded..."
I have asked for an "Angel Shot" before at the bar. I was charging my phone behind the bar and an older creepy drunk guy kept hitting on me. I needed my phone, and to close out, and this dude wouldn't leave me alone even after I lied and told him I had a boyfriend.
The bartender nodded, got me my phone, gave my my tab, and then asked me to meet her at the end of the bar. I excused myself, went over there, and she brought me through the kitchen and let me out the back door into the alley. I called a cab and went home and that was that.
Later that weekend I heard that someone got roofied at that bar, by the same creepy guy. I take medications that interact with rophynol, as in, I could have been put into a coma if I had been roofied.
That bartender could have saved my life. I left a nice Yelp review.
"Happened..."
Happened a lot actually. It's always some drunk cougar that won't leave anyone alone.
"80s nights..."
80's nights and Gay clubs. I used to go to bars that would have older music when I was but a boy, because I preferred the music to soulja boy supermaning... Gives you an idea of time frame. Groped endlessly but there is one specific situation, where hand signals, verbal and eventually pleading we're used to try and stop this rather drunk 40 ish year old lady.
It started with a pinch on the butt, followed by a full grab. The pinch went unacknowledged deliberately and the grab was responded to with a finger wag and head shake. Great I think, message received, nope.
I returned to dancing for a few minutes before receiving a reach around and full cup and squeeze of my junk. This is where I said "I'm not interested, please don't do that" firmly and from the look on her face I thought finally I could boogie, nope again.
Finally she attempted to slide her had down my my trousers at the front, doing so from behind me, so I grabbed her hand then pleaded with her to stop. It was only after she had seen that I was genuinely shaken by it, that she disengaged and left the dancefloor.
As to the gay clubs I mentioned - unsolicited grinding and talk of "What I'd do to you of you were gay"
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.