Just think about it.
GiphyMet my birth mom at 39: there's a long "Jerry Springer-type" story that I won't go into here, but one thing I learned is that most moms are really okay learning that we ended up in better circumstances. As a mom, myself, all I've ever wanted for my kids is their happiness and success, however they define it. If you get the chance, feel free to express that. It may hurt her a little, but it will also likely relieve the burden of guilt she carries.
My adoption wasn't a good one - abusive adoptive mom - so I didn't have a good outcome to report, but my birth mom desperately wanted to know that my life turned out better than she could have provided.
Just think about it. GinaMariaSpaghetti
Bonus Families.Â
I was adopted shortly after birth. My adoptive parents are awesome and never hid anything from me. Life was good. I was always curious what sort of ethnic background I came from, so I took an Ancestry DNA test. The results were interesting; my adoptive parents are German and English, and my birth parents are also German and English.
I made contact with a few long lost cousins, but nobody remembered anyone giving up a a baby. Months pass, and I get a message from one of the long lost cousins - he checked with other family members and sure enough he knows who my birth mother is. We made phone contact and finally were able to meet in person. She was able to tell me who my birth father was. I met them both (each individually), it has been life changing. I now get together with each one and their respective families a couple times a year.
The fact that I now have 2 bonus (birth) families is mind blowing. It may have taken 45 years, but it was all worth the wait! I never thought knowing who they are would affect me the way it did. I can't explain it other than a feeling of being "whole". Knowing these people just warms my heart. I am beyond lucky. jenjuno123
"I have two dads?"
When I was six I realized I had an extra grandma. My mom explained that my dad had adopted me, and my biological father was someone else. I said "I have two dads?" Mom pointed to Dad and said, "This is your dad. The other man is your biological father."
"What does biological mean?"
"It means ... the man who helped make you. Everyone has one."
So naturally I just assumed everyone had a secret dad. I remember pitying my friends at school and wondering when they would find out about theirs.
I insisted on meeting him, but when I did I was unpleasantly surprised. He scared me. He's a little guy - short and heroin thin - but he has a voice for radio. It doesn't match him. When he opened his mouth and this big booming voice came out, I thought it was a trick. I figured there must be a big guy hiding somewhere and doing the talking.
That's of course just my little-kid brain's response to his physical appearance and voice. Our relationship isn't good but I don't mean to correlate the two, it's just coincidence. britaww
New Mom.
GiphyNope, after I was adopted by my step mom my dad died and then my mom just disappeared from my life not even a phone call over these pass 8 years and now I'm about to graduate high school and I don't feel sad because my step mom/adopted mom treats me well and is more than I honestly deserve. agnelius
My Wife.Â
Wife was adopted at birth. She has no interest in her bio-family. She says her adopted parents are her only parents. The bio-family has tried to reach out to us by sending letters every few years. My wife just rips them up and throws them away as soon as she realized it is from them. Usually within the first sentence. I have been tempted to piece it together and read them. But I respect her wishes not to. Plus she would never forgive me if I did. harvest3155
Teachers are the best.Â
I was informally adopted by a former teacher when I was fifteen because some people are awesome.
My biological father is a piece of crap. Last I heard he was homeless in St. Paul and with any luck he is or will be very very dead soon.
My biological mom tried her best with what she had, but was also a manipulative narcissist. lexmattness
42.
GiphyI found my bio mom when I was 42. Getting to know each other as adults has been pretty wonderful. Her life spiraled out of control for years after giving me up when she was in high school. I grew up in a great, loving, stable home. She would never have been able to provide that to me. She would have loved me, but that was it. My bio mom and mom met once, and they were so grateful for each other. My mother thanked bio mom for giving her the greatest gift. Bio mom thanked my mom "you did what I needed you to do. What I couldn't do for her." amybpdx
The Past s the Past....
I was adopted at birth and met my biological mother the day before my 18th birthday. We have a good relationship but not close (she is east coast I am south coast). We talk several times throughout the year and are planning a trip this summer. We have a blast when we get together but have led very, very different lives. She is career focused and while I work, I'm family focused. I was born when she was 17 and I had my first at 18.
I never met my biological father. He was about 29ish when I was born. He was an alcoholic then and I'm pretty sure that's the way he died. After years of searching, my ex found his death certificate 2 years after he passed. I wish I had a chance to tell him that I'm ok and I'm grateful he did the adoption. sendtacos
The College Try....
GiphyMy mom was adopted. She didn't meet her bio parents until she was an adult. I think the initial meeting went pretty well, but ultimately none of them are in contact with each other now because they don't like on anther. but they gave it a good go and now they know what's up. ooglecat
She is the bravest woman I know.Â
Born in eastern China during the one child policy. I was premature so my mom took care of me in secret for a few months before leaving me near a theatre. I was found by an elderly woman who I am forever thankful for. She brought me to an orphanage for premature babies. Adopted by Finnish parents at age 1. I am 16 now and I still don't know who my mother is or if she is alive. I would like to meet her and give her a big hug. During the one child policy woman were forced to get sterilized, forced abortions and police tracking cycles. She is the bravest woman I know. Pirkka_kevytmaito
People Share Their Best 'Whoa, It Worked' Moments | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Mum and Dad.
GiphyMy parents died in a car accident when I was 7. A nice young couple reached out to the authorities that they would be willing to take me in if I had no where else to go. I've been with them since. Have to say it was strange at first having two completely different parents, but they are the most wonderful people I have ever met aside from my biological parents. I consider them my "mum and dad" even though my biological parents also hold that spot in my heart as well. _justinm307
No Memory.Â
I was adopted at about 5 months old, so I had no memory of my birth parents. My birth mother was addicted to drugs, and her boyfriend was an abusive fool. Well, a few years after I was born, she managed to get away from him, and started her road to recovery. Now, she's totally clean and owns a bakery.
I know all of this because when I was 37 years old, she managed to track me down, because in her words, she "just wanted to be sure that she made the right decision". And I think she did, because we're both doing pretty well now, and I don't think we would be if she had kept me. GomedyCold
In Limbo.Â
I might be overstepping. I am not adopted. But my mom had her first son when she was 16 and gave him up for adoption.
When I was 16, she told me about him and that she had found him (she only started looking when my brother and I were old enough to understand her decision). The first time I met him, I was working a shift at KFC. My mom called the store and told me he is only in town for the evening and that he wanted to meet me, even if it was just briefly. I was so excited. They showed up and I clocked out for my break. It was such an odd experience. He told me about his daughters, and asked about school and work, and then we had to cut it short so I could get back to work.
Its been 16 years since we met now, and my mom has been so happy. He ended up having some health issues, he is okay now, but had they not met, he wouldn't have been able to get the genetic testing done to find out it was an issue he was born with. His daughters have the same defect and are on medication, but without my mom, they would all probably still be in limbo.
He once told me he felt like the luckiest guy. He got adopted by a wonderful family, he has wonderful parents, my mother included, he has brothers and sisters, and includes myself and my brother. We don't often use the term "half" even if its technically true. He says he is lucky cause he got this giant family out of the situation, and his daughters are loved by three sets of grandparents. They call my mom Grandma ****. QuyynseyFae
Loyalty.Â
(32m) I'm adopted since 4 months and have never met my birth parents. I want to and my adoptive parents are more than willing to assist in this but I have never pursued it. I would never want to make my adoptive parents think for a second that I don't view that as my "real" parents. Sounds funky but I'm a very loyal person. I guess the point is, be grateful someone took you in and loved you. There's a lot of kids with their biological parents and they would trade them in a heartbeat. A lot of people don't understand that adopted kids are the lucky ones (most of the time)
EDIT: adopted @ 4 months old. redz555777
My birth mother was 13.
Yes. My birth mother was 13. I understood completely. But when she told me "now that I found you I am your ONLY mother" I never spoke to her again.
My birth father... he was 20. But it was the 70's so I'm not going to give him to much grief. He's got a great job. Stable life however he fathered 7 children. All girls. All placed for adoption. Every few years another one pops up. Smh
Oh and I should mention that even though they have been married to other people for 20 plus years- they were still sleeping together in 2000.
I have parents and these aren't them.
I forgot to add my birth father never told his current wife and found an email from me and she sent me a nasty reply assuming we were having an affair. I responded with the 3 other names of his other "children" ( the others popped up after this). I know it was probably wrong but I was hurt. The names she called me... I later found out from his daughter he raised that Barb was furious at him for never telling him and HER mother divorced him after she found him and my birth mother in bed. She never knew I existed either. She only found after that daughter found out and searched me out on Myspace. piglet110419
Just Tell Everybody.
GiphyNot me, but my wife.
Overall, it went about as well as she could reasonably have hoped. She only met her mom, the "worst" part was that the waitress came to take our orders, and her bio-mom just blurted out the whole situation to the waitress, which made my wife (and the poor waitress) very uncomfortable.
Other than that, it was "okay". No real resentment, and my wife walked away thinking the adoption was probably for the best. She does get along well with her siblings, the mom is a friend on facebook, but it was just the one meeting (geography isn't the only factor, but probably the biggest one). teke367
10/10 Recommend.Â
I am 43 years old, and met my bio family (mother, brother and sister) almost exactly 10 years ago now. I found my mother after a brief Facebook search (I had her name and an appropriate age and knew she went to high school in a specific part of the city.)
The meeting went very well and I finally found people that I could relate to for my unusual sense of humor. Our ongoing relationship blows up and preconceived notions I had about nature vs nurture. We (mostly like all the same stuff (my brother is a Star Wars fan, while mom, sis, and myself are all Trekkies).
While it's only been 10 years, if feels like I've known them my entire life.
The topic of dad came up once, and I was told that when my siblings were little, and before I was born he left without warning. My sister tried to contact him years later and he wanted nothing to do with anyone from his previous life.
10/10 would recommend anyone who has the means to find their bio family to do so.
I'd also like to add my sincerest thanks to some random clerk at the Ontario Registrar General's office in Toronto that accidentally disclosed my parentage while I was applying for a birth certificate that made the entire endeavor possible. Mars27819
Hey Dad.Â
Not me but my best friend growing up, she was eager to meet her dad when she learned he still lived in our same town, she met him and said it was like meeting any random adult, nothing particularly special, she still likes she was able to connect and still occasionally meet with him. marekelu
i am currently 21, met my birth mom last year. my "real" parents never hid the fact that i was adopted, ive known for years.
we met in NYC, it was her first time on the east coast, and since i've grown up on the east coast my entire life, i gave them a tour of the city and we both got tattoos together from a gumball machine! fun time.
i was so nervous to actually meet her, and was a little awkward at first, but only for like half an hour, until i realized just how similar we really are. it's crazy no matter what conditions you've grown up in, your genetics really do affect what kind of person you become. i think that's something non adopted people really don't think about.
all in all, great experience, i haven't seen her since since she lives in SoCal, but we keep in touch through instagram/texting often. i love my real parents, i love my birth parents, and i appreciate both of their honestly about why things happened as they did.
if you're nervous about meeting a birth parent, that's normal. for me it was totally worth it, and even helped me learn more about myself though watching her. i can't wait to meet her again someday! chopsthedrummer
Truth Hurts.
GiphyBoth my mom and her sister were adopted (from a different set of biological parents). My mom's mother refused contact and didn't tell her (later) family about her. They only found out after she died. My mom had made up a bunch of exotic stories to cope (including her tribe in Afghanistan where she happened to live in her early years (back before the Soviet invasion).
I found out after both my mom and her bio mom were dead, the former from a drug overdose, the latter from diabetes at an early age.
Moral of the story: you're probably not descended from royalty. Be prepared for a tragic story, as best case scenario is your parents had no means of providing for you and gave you up willingly and out of love. nerbovig
Reddit asked:
"People who were adopted when they were old enough to remember it, how long did it take for your adopted family to feel like your family?"
Read on for the details Reddit users were willing to share about their adoptions.
Happy Tears
About 2 months, that's when I asked if I could call her mum, she cried and I felt bad because I didn't know happy tears were a thing when I was 5.
I'd been meeting them for about 6 months before that and the odd weekend sleepover to get to know them before I moved in, so by the time I actually lived there I was quite comfortable with them and looking forward to staying for good.
I'd lived with a foster family for a year but always knew it was temporary so never got too attached.
Permission For Food
About a week in when they told me I didn't have to ask permission every time I wanted food. I was like "Well, this is family."
My bio mom rarely had food in the house and when we did have food we had to ask for it before we were allowed to eat. Most of the time she said no. My next two foster homes were the same exact way so I thought that's just how they were. Wicked people.
GiphyThe last and final home (mentioned above) was my maternal uncle and his wife. I didn't really know them up until I moved in. They were so confused as to why I asked for food first and barely ate when I did get it. I remember watching food network with them and saying something looked good. The next day all the ingredients were there and my uncle taught me to cook. After that I was the family chef and would whip up anything I could. They did a lot of good for me. And I'm still the best cook in the family.
All Together
I was about 9 years old when I was adopted. My sisters and my brother came with. At the time, I didn't realize just how crazy my new parents were for deciding to adopt all four of us at once. (Now that I'm older, I can safely say that we've given both of them absolute HELL all throughout our teenage years.) Honestly, not being separated from my siblings made the transition kind of seamless. We'd been in the foster care system for only about 8 months and were more or less oblivious to what was going on.
Then we were introduced to some people who wanted to be our new parents.
One week we were visiting these two nice people, the next we were living with them and visiting all our new relatives. I know that it might sound kind of bland, but there was maybe only a period of a couple weeks where I had to get comfortable with thinking of these strangers as family. Maybe it helped that I was a relatively dumb kid, or maybe my new family being so closely knit with each other helped. Hell, my new grandparents lived next door to us until we moved to a bigger house!
Confronting Dad
I was adopted at 11 and technically this happened just before. It's important to note I have trouble showing affection.
The day I realized I was really wanted was when my adoptive Dad got on a plane with me and flew over 2 states so I could confront my bio Dad. I wanted answers. In the end I asked him to give up parental rights as I could clearly see I had found a better family.
When you have one Dad standing back (but still close enough to protect you showing love) and another slumped, half drunk on a picnic table it's clear what the best option is.
After that I felt more relaxed as I knew I couldn't be sent back to my bio Dad (he was holding out his rights to stop the adoption) I didn't become affectionate per se, but I did start being more comfortable and sharing my dreams in life which often resulted in my Dad in the back yard doing dumb stuff with me like learning hoola hoop tricks because I wanted to join the circus.
So I guess the answer is from the start once I was adopted.
The Video
I was adopted by my foster family when I was five years old. I had been with them since I was a baby but I fully understood there was a difference between being a foster kid who called them mom and dad and being "their" kid. A lot of kids came in and out of the doors that called them mom and dad but I knew that if I was adopted it meant I got to stay.
This may sound harsh, but I sincerely appreciated it. When my parents were waiting to hear about the adoption my mom sat me down and we had a very tough conversation. I obviously don't remember the details but I do remember one thing. A yes to the adoption meant I could stay with them forever. A no meant that I would likely be moved to a new foster home. I remember hiding in my room when any new cars pulled up out front of our house because I so badly wanted to stay. My mom said she told me because she wanted me to have no doubt in my mind that, no matter if the court decided yes or no, they wanted and loved me.
Luckily for me (and I have to say this because I can feel the stares of my whole family if I don't: luckily for them too) the answer was yes.
I think when it clicked for me, really fully clicked, was when I was about 10-13 and I found an old VHS tape with my name on it. I put it in and it was my family. My mom, dad, brother and sister. They were all standing in front of the camera and they were talking about me. My older brother said something I'll never forget. "I have a little sister, her name is Ellyendra. I guess she isn't ours yet but we want to keep her. I really hope we get to cause I love her a lot."
That. Did. It. Knowing that this awkward 14 year old kid loved me so much he was willing to say that into a camera for a tape my parents planned to send with me if I couldn't be theirs. I was a mess. I still can barely watch it now without bursting into tears. My brother and I are about 12 years apart and we are the best of friends.
It definitely helped that all of my extended family felt the same too. Anytime anyone would say something or make a comment or even mention adoption -- my aunts were like vultures. It's the most amazing feeling ever. "Well that doesn't matter she is ours! Always has been!" Followed by crushing hugs from at least five people.
4th Time Is A Charm
I was 6, my sister 11. She took to them right away but it took me about 6 months, this is abnormally long but because they were the 4th family to try and adopt us I thought I was going back into foster care, so I had an irrational hatred of them for several months.
1st family was deemd "too religious" after the adoption agency found out they locked our toys in the garage because they were 'possessed by satan'. We were only allowed to listen to instrumental Christian music in the house and when the 'dad' found out my sister was interested in Egypt he made her sit at the dinner table and forced her to write 10 reasons why "Her Egyptian gods were better than his".
She was 10.
The system was going to let them adopt us til our foster mom locked the agents in a room and told them they weren't allowed to leave until they wrote 10 reasons why we should be adopted by them... got the point across real well! I remember the house smelling like that incense they use to 'ward off demons' too.
2nd family They ended up not liking us because I had too many trauma triggers and they couldn't figure out how to deal with our PTSD and gave us back.
3rd try, The family got caught with several types of drugs. (This was a biological family member who offered to take us in.)
Then, of course, the people who actually adopted us. I did attempt to sabotage that adoption during my 1st week there by telling my foster mom they hit me and I hated them. My sister told her I was lying - which I am now grateful for.14 years later I am very glad they adopted my sister and I.
- amarettu
Dating Advice
It took about a year for me. I didn't really feel like they were my family until I was 13 (I had met them at 12), and I asked my step sister for advice on how to ask a girl out. I know it sounds stupid but that was when it really clicked that they were family and I could trust them.
Never
It never did, sadly. It was just incompatibility even though I was very very young (a toddler less than two) and honestly we just never fit.
I don't love them and I never did. I wanted to so badly. They felt the same way, I am sure. I always wondered if I was broken until I had my own family and found my bio siblings. I felt it then. I didn't actually know I was adopted until 18.
We just had really different personalities. My adoptive family were loud sports people. Mother wanted a girly girl pageant queen like the rest of the women in her family line. I am a quiet reader who is super interested in frogs.
I left home at 17 and we haven't spoken to each other in years since I was 30-ish.
I wish them well.
I feel a very strong connection to my bio family that I found when I was 18. Not my bio parents (they're useless) but I found siblings with my same sense of humour and my niece is so much like me it is scary. I had adopted siblings, but they were always like strangers even though we grew up together.
A Horrific Attempt
I was adopted at 6. My adopted family took me to Walmart and a guy tried grabbing/kidnapping me. My older brothers beat the crap out of him; one grabbed a skateboard and hit the guy over the head then they kicked him and stomped on him while he was on the ground. That's when I knew my family cared about me.
Fantastic Grandparents
I was adopted from foster care at 14. I definitely didn't feel like a real member of the family until I had my own child. I guess that seems odd. Getting gifts and things really made me feel awkward when I was younger but having them drop everything when I had a baby and step in as fantastic grandparents sealed the deal.
My adoptive mother always thought of me as her own. She says the stork left me on the wrong doorstep and it took her a while to find me. Although she raised my with her husband, they got divorced when I was in my early 20's. He was a wonderful grandpa to my firstborn but he met someone else and dropped out of our lives because it made his new wife uncomfortable.
That was hard to lose a family again, but my mom remarried a wonderful man and he is awesome to my kids. At this point after 32 years, we just don't think about it. Occasionally something funny will happen, we will talk about something she has and we might talk about it being hereditary before we remember and laugh. No one would ever guess, people always see similarities. My kids don't know. I am not hiding it but it just doesn't come up.
GiphyThe next question is usually about my bio parents. I talk to my father a few times a year. He had the option to keep me out of foster care but it just didn't work for him. My mom is a life long drug addict with a lengthy prison record for assault, terrorism, stalking, soliciting etc.
The first 12 years of my.life was horrific. I had no childhood. I visited her when I was 18, I thought maybe not having her child for the last 6 years would trigger something. She at first didn't remember having a child and then blamed me for her addictions. I walked away and have never looked back except to check in with her local pd every few years. She has a shopping cart that she parks near the station and they are all familiar with her.
I got very lucky to be adopted but I was a jerk at first. I had a lot of issues and truly belonging was hard.
Out Of State College
My aunt and uncle adopted me when I was 3 years old. What followed was years of emotional breakdowns, therapy, and social anxiety. For the longest time it never felt like I ever had or deserved a family, I eventually came to terms with me just in another living space. I did learn to love the family I was adopted into though. Around the time I was transferring colleges out of the state, my family was genuinely sad to see me leave and it kinda just hit me that these people actually loved me.
My late adoption caused long term self esteem issues, and this was the first time in my life I knew people could love and care about me. Everything my family did to accommodate me into our new home; therapy, letting me visit my birth parents, putting MY last name on the mailbox, and more was done out of complete love.
I'm 22 now and I'm going to be moving out in two months. I am very bad at expressing gratitude and I don't like hugging or talking to people but I'm doing literally all I can to try to convey that I love them. I've been looking bad at these last 19 years now and I feel horrible that I didn't believe they cared about me. I don't think they believe me when I tell them I love them. This is emotionally tolling on me but I'm gonna keep trying until I know they know.
- JoeBoco7
The stories aren't all heartwarming and happy, but they are all admirably vulnerable, honest, and eye opening.
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