Let's face it - when we're alone, we all do things we wouldn't otherwise do in front of someone else. Singing at the top of our lungs, talking to ourselves, and the like. Sometimes, however, these solo sessions don't always work out as planned. Here, 19 unfortunate souls share the most embarrassing time they THOUGHT they were alone.
1/19. I was about fourteen years old. Not owning a laptop, I used the home desktop to masturbate. Said computer was located on the main floor in the family room. To my left, through the dining room, there was a large bay window that gives a perfect view of the front yard and the walkway that leads to the door.
So, knowing I was home alone I got to work. As I'm about to orgasm I see, out of the corner of my eye, my dad walking towards the front door through the bay window. I froze. I don't know why he was coming home but I know that he was NOT supposed to be there. I was so close and so into it my body went into some sort of autopilot and I was unable to stop. Seconds later, I finished as the front door opened.
My only course of action was to flip my penis into my waistband. I was wearing a dark shirt so I wasn't worried about the moisture being too terribly visible. I closed the computer and stood up to greet my father as he rounded the corner. Hands on my hips, poker face on, I say, "What's going on, dad?". He gives me a very concerned look. A combination of disappointment and disgust. How did he already know? I thought I had committed the perfect crime. At that moment I look down, only to discover that my still erect penis was on the OUTSIDE of my shirt. Totally exposed. I was absolutely mortified and just ran down to the basement. It has never been brought up.
2/19. I had just finished watching the whole series of Avatar: The Last Airbender one summer and was cleaning the house when the head of my broom fell off. Naturally, with my broken broom now resembling a staff, I went to my backyard and began to spin it around and play with a "staff" for a bit. Around five minutes went by and I looked up to find my neighbor watching from his window. I was 20 at the time.
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3/19. Just the other day... I got really high with my brother and his wife at my house, we had a grand old time and they ended up staying the night.
I woke up the next morning feeling pleasantly relaxed and, having completely forgotten that they stayed over, proceeded to take a nice refreshing bath.
With the door open. While singing loudly, and out of key. And shaving my family jewels.
Somewhere in between the second chorus of Kissed a Girl and the completion of a perfectly smooth scrotal surface, I noticed my sister-in-law frozen in horrified bafflement in the hall.
F*ck.
4/19. Was walking past a car pulled up in front of a shop on the side of the road. The passenger windows were rolled down and two fluffy dogs started barking at me with those really yappy kind of barks. Anyway, I barked back at them, just as yappy and loud. I guess this kinda confused them because they stopped barking. I barked once more to assert my dominance, pointed my finger at them and said "I'm watching you"
Then I noticed there were people in the back seat. Awesome.
5/19. Reverse situation. I was sick so stayed home from school. My sister thought I was gone and masturbated in the shower next to my room. Loudly.
6/19.My roommate has a cat and it greets me every time I come in. So like a lunatic I have a conversation with it.
- Me: Hey kitty
- Me: Meow
- Me: How was your day kitty
- Me: Meow Meow Meow
Didn't realize her boyfriend was in her room, staring at me through the crack in the door. I'm also a 6'4, quiet man.
7/19. I was at an IHOP with some friends and had received a serious wedgie upon sliding into my booth. The longer I sat there the worse it got so by the time we finished eating I was ready to fix the problem so I stepped out the front door and stepped around the side wall of the little entry way to pick it, and since no one was driving through the parking lot I figured I was safe but didn't want anyone sneaking up so I kept my back to the wall.
I was digging, hand down the back of my pants, yanking out the offending cloth when one of my friends walked around the corner and immediately started laughing at me and pointing. It took me a second to figure out she wasn't laughing at me but the poor family having breakfast behind the plate glass window that was looking at me in horror. In fact, the whole front of the restaurant is like a giant window
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8/19. I studied abroad in Germany. Now a nice thing about Germany is that you can drink outside, and nobody cares. It's just fine. So, when I first arrived all fresh faced and stupid from America, and my German friends invited me to go drinking at a festival on the river, well, I was there.
So, as things often go, when you've been drinking for a while, you need to pee. And I am no exception to the rule. Yet somehow, and this is really beyond me, there was no provision for this basic human need at this whole big festival. I'll just go in a bush or something. Granted, I was wearing pretty tight jeans, and when you're a girl, that means that peeing outside is sort of challenging, but hey, I was up for anything. So I go behind my bush, ducking from the well-lit street fair to the pitch blackness of the park. And I perform what is just a spectacular acrobatic maneuver, pants around ankles, bracing myself on two different trees to avoid peeing on my pants. I heaved this big enormous sigh of satisfaction as I begin struggling my way back into said pants.
My night vision slowly creeps back. And I realize that I am not the only person to pee behind this bush. There are at least twenty people peeing behind this bush. And what is worse, this seems to somehow be the mens bush. Exclusively. Twenty men, dongs in hand, just a-staring.
9/19. My wife and I were having sex and my best friend called. It was right when I first got a smart phone, so I wasn't 100% on how to reject calls. Well I didn't hit the right button, we continued having sex for at least a few minutes before I heard my buddy's voice say "are you guys having sex?". We stared at each other and burst out laughing because it was right in the middle of dirty talk.
10/19. I was staying at a nice hotel while travelling for work. They had a great pool. I went in there one morning and I was the only one there. I started messing about, recreating the opening scene of Jaws where the girl realizes that her leg has been bitten off, then lots of splashing like the shark had come back for the second go. Then I tried a bit of synchro, kicking my legs up in various shapes. Then I did a bit of goalkeeper practice by throwing my goggles and diving to catch them. Then I saw a window overlooking the pool and a family of 6 people eating breakfast and watching me. I'm a 51-year-old man.
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11/19. Realized that my building had security cams in the elevators after two years living there. And that concierge actually watch them. And the poor guys have been subjected to my solo dance parties for months. Christ.
12/19. While I was in grad school I lived in a basement apartment of a pretty big building. Right next door to me was the (pretty small) laundry room, a couple washers and dryers. Normally it wasn't a problem, but this one washer decided that on this day it was going to be particularly loud and was slamming around and it sounded like the world was ending inside my apartment. I was studying for finals and trying to concentrate, so all the noise was just a nightmare and I couldn't get anything done.
In a moment of complete exasperation I ran out into the hallway in my boxers and a t-shirt and into the laundry room. I lunged at the offending machine like it was a mugger trying to rob my grandma, I shook it violently and screamed, "Shut up you damn washer, don't you know I have finals this week?!" I unplugged it and plugged it back in, and I talked at it like a psychotic person, "I control whether you live or die. Gosh darn washer. Can't get anything done."
Around then I realized that I should probably not be doing this with other people living down the hall, so I decided to run back into my apartment. And then I turned around. There was this beautiful, college-aged woman who lived in my apartment building, standing there, staring at me, petrified.
She just held her detergent and roll of quarters quietly, eyes bulging. She nodded politely when I stammered about how "I'm studying for finals... uh, it was being loud."
About a week later I walked by woman and her friend on the street and I heard her whisper, "Oh my god, it's that guy. The guy from the laundry room I told you about."
13/19. Jerking it to 'that' scene in Titanic when I was about 14. Older brother walks in, "Oh... um... good scene, isn't it?"
14/19. Not me, but my father. He and my mother were grocery shopping when my dad suddenly had to let one rip. After turning down an aisle and assuming it was just him and my mother behind him, he lets out the biggest, raunchiest, fart (my dad's farts are legendary in my family). He lets out a "woo!" and turns around to my mom saying, "How did you like that one, honey?!"
Except it was not my mom. It was a grocery store employee. My dad said he's never seen such sheer horror on a face like that guy's.
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15/19. I was cleaning the deck outside and found my kids' toy pistols. I picked them up and, feeling silly, pretended I was Lara Croft by posing with them all willy nilly. A minute later I turned around and there was my husband staring at me through the door with a WTF look on his face.
The sad thing is I've been caught doing this more than once.
16/19. When I was 14 my parents went out for the night and left me home. I was a freshmen in high school and it was right around this time that I was starting to listen to music and I was finding out what music I liked and listening to as much music as I could. During this week I was given a Jimi Hendrix greatest hits album by a friend from school to listen to and I was listening to it non-stop for the entire week and would sing along and strum my air guitar to the music.
Since my parents went out they told me to order some food for myself and I settled on a large cheese pizza. I called the pizza place, ordered my pizza, and went back to my tunes while I waited for the delivery guy to come in a half-hour. Before I knew it I found myself with my Guitar Hero guitar around my neck and a tie dyed bandana on my forehead like Jimi at Woodstock and I was really rocking out to Voodoo Child like I was possessed.
At some point after the solo in that song I managed to open my eyes and I had the sh*t scared out of me by some really tall guy with long metal head hair and a giant beer gut in my bedroom rocking out with his eyes closed just as hard as I was. I actually screamed when I saw him and he screamed back at me and I was freaked out. I then noticed the pizza box that he had set down on top of my dresser and managed to stop screaming.
He said that he kept ringing the doorbell but I never came down to open the door so he let himself in. He figured that I was rocking out because I had my music so loud so he came upstairs to give me my pizza but didn't want to interrupt my jammin' so he put the pizza down for a minute and started jammin' along with me. The guy started rocking out with me when he saw that I was in the zone and said that he didn't mean to scare me. We both laughed about it and I paid for my pizza before walking downstairs with the guy. Before he walked out the door he said "Jimi f*ckin' rocks doesn't he?" I could only say, "Yeah, Jimi rocks."
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17/19. I had just taken a shower and had gotten out when my dog came in and started running around wanting to play. I ended up chasing him out of the bathroom while nude and he led me right to my sister, who had stayed home sick.
Needless to say she was curious why I was chasing our dog around while naked.
18/19. Going in the stockroom at work to fart, only to have a female coworker stocking the shelves behind the door.
19/19. I talk to myself when I'm alone. All the time, anywhere I happen to be alone. This includes when I'm working.
So one time I'm stocking candy at work, and I just bust out singing, "YOOOOUUUUUUUU LIIIGHT UP MYYY LIIIIIIIFE..." and I turn around and there's this poor customer looking at me trying not to laugh. I felt myself turn bright red, but I laughed awkwardly and said, "Sorry..."
He says, "Naw man, it's alright. I do it too."
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.