Let's face it - when we're alone, we all do things we wouldn't otherwise do in front of someone else. Singing at the top of our lungs, talking to ourselves, and the like. Sometimes, however, these solo sessions don't always work out as planned. Here, 19 unfortunate souls share the most embarrassing time they THOUGHT they were alone.
1/19. I was about fourteen years old. Not owning a laptop, I used the home desktop to masturbate. Said computer was located on the main floor in the family room. To my left, through the dining room, there was a large bay window that gives a perfect view of the front yard and the walkway that leads to the door.
So, knowing I was home alone I got to work. As I'm about to orgasm I see, out of the corner of my eye, my dad walking towards the front door through the bay window. I froze. I don't know why he was coming home but I know that he was NOT supposed to be there. I was so close and so into it my body went into some sort of autopilot and I was unable to stop. Seconds later, I finished as the front door opened.
My only course of action was to flip my penis into my waistband. I was wearing a dark shirt so I wasn't worried about the moisture being too terribly visible. I closed the computer and stood up to greet my father as he rounded the corner. Hands on my hips, poker face on, I say, "What's going on, dad?". He gives me a very concerned look. A combination of disappointment and disgust. How did he already know? I thought I had committed the perfect crime. At that moment I look down, only to discover that my still erect penis was on the OUTSIDE of my shirt. Totally exposed. I was absolutely mortified and just ran down to the basement. It has never been brought up.
2/19. I had just finished watching the whole series of Avatar: The Last Airbender one summer and was cleaning the house when the head of my broom fell off. Naturally, with my broken broom now resembling a staff, I went to my backyard and began to spin it around and play with a "staff" for a bit. Around five minutes went by and I looked up to find my neighbor watching from his window. I was 20 at the time.
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3/19. Just the other day... I got really high with my brother and his wife at my house, we had a grand old time and they ended up staying the night.
I woke up the next morning feeling pleasantly relaxed and, having completely forgotten that they stayed over, proceeded to take a nice refreshing bath.
With the door open. While singing loudly, and out of key. And shaving my family jewels.
Somewhere in between the second chorus of Kissed a Girl and the completion of a perfectly smooth scrotal surface, I noticed my sister-in-law frozen in horrified bafflement in the hall.
F*ck.
4/19. Was walking past a car pulled up in front of a shop on the side of the road. The passenger windows were rolled down and two fluffy dogs started barking at me with those really yappy kind of barks. Anyway, I barked back at them, just as yappy and loud. I guess this kinda confused them because they stopped barking. I barked once more to assert my dominance, pointed my finger at them and said "I'm watching you"
Then I noticed there were people in the back seat. Awesome.
5/19. Reverse situation. I was sick so stayed home from school. My sister thought I was gone and masturbated in the shower next to my room. Loudly.
6/19. My roommate has a cat and it greets me every time I come in. So like a lunatic I have a conversation with it.
- Me: Hey kitty
- Me: Meow
- Me: How was your day kitty
- Me: Meow Meow Meow
Didn't realize her boyfriend was in her room, staring at me through the crack in the door. I'm also a 6'4, quiet man.
7/19. I was at an IHOP with some friends and had received a serious wedgie upon sliding into my booth. The longer I sat there the worse it got so by the time we finished eating I was ready to fix the problem so I stepped out the front door and stepped around the side wall of the little entry way to pick it, and since no one was driving through the parking lot I figured I was safe but didn't want anyone sneaking up so I kept my back to the wall.
I was digging, hand down the back of my pants, yanking out the offending cloth when one of my friends walked around the corner and immediately started laughing at me and pointing. It took me a second to figure out she wasn't laughing at me but the poor family having breakfast behind the plate glass window that was looking at me in horror. In fact, the whole front of the restaurant is like a giant window
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8/19. I studied abroad in Germany. Now a nice thing about Germany is that you can drink outside, and nobody cares. It's just fine. So, when I first arrived all fresh faced and stupid from America, and my German friends invited me to go drinking at a festival on the river, well, I was there.
So, as things often go, when you've been drinking for a while, you need to pee. And I am no exception to the rule. Yet somehow, and this is really beyond me, there was no provision for this basic human need at this whole big festival. I'll just go in a bush or something. Granted, I was wearing pretty tight jeans, and when you're a girl, that means that peeing outside is sort of challenging, but hey, I was up for anything. So I go behind my bush, ducking from the well-lit street fair to the pitch blackness of the park. And I perform what is just a spectacular acrobatic maneuver, pants around ankles, bracing myself on two different trees to avoid peeing on my pants. I heaved this big enormous sigh of satisfaction as I begin struggling my way back into said pants.
My night vision slowly creeps back. And I realize that I am not the only person to pee behind this bush. There are at least twenty people peeing behind this bush. And what is worse, this seems to somehow be the mens bush. Exclusively. Twenty men, dongs in hand, just a-staring.
9/19. My wife and I were having sex and my best friend called. It was right when I first got a smart phone, so I wasn't 100% on how to reject calls. Well I didn't hit the right button, we continued having sex for at least a few minutes before I heard my buddy's voice say "are you guys having sex?". We stared at each other and burst out laughing because it was right in the middle of dirty talk.
10/19. I was staying at a nice hotel while travelling for work. They had a great pool. I went in there one morning and I was the only one there. I started messing about, recreating the opening scene of Jaws where the girl realizes that her leg has been bitten off, then lots of splashing like the shark had come back for the second go. Then I tried a bit of synchro, kicking my legs up in various shapes. Then I did a bit of goalkeeper practice by throwing my goggles and diving to catch them. Then I saw a window overlooking the pool and a family of 6 people eating breakfast and watching me. I'm a 51-year-old man.
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11/19. Realized that my building had security cams in the elevators after two years living there. And that concierge actually watch them. And the poor guys have been subjected to my solo dance parties for months. Christ.
12/19. While I was in grad school I lived in a basement apartment of a pretty big building. Right next door to me was the (pretty small) laundry room, a couple washers and dryers. Normally it wasn't a problem, but this one washer decided that on this day it was going to be particularly loud and was slamming around and it sounded like the world was ending inside my apartment. I was studying for finals and trying to concentrate, so all the noise was just a nightmare and I couldn't get anything done.
In a moment of complete exasperation I ran out into the hallway in my boxers and a t-shirt and into the laundry room. I lunged at the offending machine like it was a mugger trying to rob my grandma, I shook it violently and screamed, "Shut up you damn washer, don't you know I have finals this week?!" I unplugged it and plugged it back in, and I talked at it like a psychotic person, "I control whether you live or die. Gosh darn washer. Can't get anything done."
Around then I realized that I should probably not be doing this with other people living down the hall, so I decided to run back into my apartment. And then I turned around. There was this beautiful, college-aged woman who lived in my apartment building, standing there, staring at me, petrified.
She just held her detergent and roll of quarters quietly, eyes bulging. She nodded politely when I stammered about how "I'm studying for finals... uh, it was being loud."
About a week later I walked by woman and her friend on the street and I heard her whisper, "Oh my god, it's that guy. The guy from the laundry room I told you about."
13/19. Jerking it to 'that' scene in Titanic when I was about 14. Older brother walks in, "Oh... um... good scene, isn't it?"
14/19. Not me, but my father. He and my mother were grocery shopping when my dad suddenly had to let one rip. After turning down an aisle and assuming it was just him and my mother behind him, he lets out the biggest, raunchiest, fart (my dad's farts are legendary in my family). He lets out a "woo!" and turns around to my mom saying, "How did you like that one, honey?!"
Except it was not my mom. It was a grocery store employee. My dad said he's never seen such sheer horror on a face like that guy's.
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15/19. I was cleaning the deck outside and found my kids' toy pistols. I picked them up and, feeling silly, pretended I was Lara Croft by posing with them all willy nilly. A minute later I turned around and there was my husband staring at me through the door with a WTF look on his face.
The sad thing is I've been caught doing this more than once.
16/19. When I was 14 my parents went out for the night and left me home. I was a freshmen in high school and it was right around this time that I was starting to listen to music and I was finding out what music I liked and listening to as much music as I could. During this week I was given a Jimi Hendrix greatest hits album by a friend from school to listen to and I was listening to it non-stop for the entire week and would sing along and strum my air guitar to the music.
Since my parents went out they told me to order some food for myself and I settled on a large cheese pizza. I called the pizza place, ordered my pizza, and went back to my tunes while I waited for the delivery guy to come in a half-hour. Before I knew it I found myself with my Guitar Hero guitar around my neck and a tie dyed bandana on my forehead like Jimi at Woodstock and I was really rocking out to Voodoo Child like I was possessed.
At some point after the solo in that song I managed to open my eyes and I had the sh*t scared out of me by some really tall guy with long metal head hair and a giant beer gut in my bedroom rocking out with his eyes closed just as hard as I was. I actually screamed when I saw him and he screamed back at me and I was freaked out. I then noticed the pizza box that he had set down on top of my dresser and managed to stop screaming.
He said that he kept ringing the doorbell but I never came down to open the door so he let himself in. He figured that I was rocking out because I had my music so loud so he came upstairs to give me my pizza but didn't want to interrupt my jammin' so he put the pizza down for a minute and started jammin' along with me. The guy started rocking out with me when he saw that I was in the zone and said that he didn't mean to scare me. We both laughed about it and I paid for my pizza before walking downstairs with the guy. Before he walked out the door he said "Jimi f*ckin' rocks doesn't he?" I could only say, "Yeah, Jimi rocks."
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17/19. I had just taken a shower and had gotten out when my dog came in and started running around wanting to play. I ended up chasing him out of the bathroom while nude and he led me right to my sister, who had stayed home sick.
Needless to say she was curious why I was chasing our dog around while naked.
18/19. Going in the stockroom at work to fart, only to have a female coworker stocking the shelves behind the door.
19/19. I talk to myself when I'm alone. All the time, anywhere I happen to be alone. This includes when I'm working.
So one time I'm stocking candy at work, and I just bust out singing, "YOOOOUUUUUUUU LIIIGHT UP MYYY LIIIIIIIFE..." and I turn around and there's this poor customer looking at me trying not to laugh. I felt myself turn bright red, but I laughed awkwardly and said, "Sorry..."
He says, "Naw man, it's alright. I do it too."
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
Giphy
"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
Giphy
"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
Giphy
"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
Giphy
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
Giphy
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...