Bad dates are a universal experience for most people. I would know--I once went to my date's improv show. That was the date. Never date comedians, y'all.
But then again, I was one of the lucky ones. Because no matter how cringey that improv show was, it wasn't even close to some of these dates from hell. Readysetexplode asked:
What's your worst horror story from a date?
Ah, to be young again. Nothing tops a really bad high school date.
This is some Die Hard sh*t.
“It was a warm summer night, we were 15, and we were in love.
No wait, scratch that, we were 15 and wanted to grind. That's the one.
I was over at my friends place chilling out, He was playing Diablo 2 and I was on the other computer chatting on msn when, lo and behold, she logged on. After some small talk I mentioned I was in town at Joe's (pseudonym) place, and she said I should come over to her house. We had talked beforehand about sex and fooling around, made out a bit, and we both wanted to screw, but parents etc kept getting in the way. I told Joe that I was going to go and try to get laid, and he was understandably supportive. And with that, I was off into the night.
It was midnight or shortly after, cloudy but hot out, and the orange glow from the city lit up the night remarkably well. As I walked and pondered the possible events to come, I was accompanied by the distant yet booming sound of thunder. I really should have noticed the smell of rain in the air... I made quick work of the several blocks between us and came to her house, going to her bedroom window as was previously directed.
Knock Knock. She came to the window with a finger to her lips, wearing a black bra and pink underwear, and pointed down. My eyes followed her gesture to the still form of her young brother lying on her bedroom floor.
She preempted my curiosity with, "He gets afraid of thunderstorms, so he is going to sleep in here tonight", to which I asked with more of a look of disappointment and confusion than words, "But I wanted to plow you, all romantic like!"
Her smile told me I was still in business. I crawled into her window, took off my shoes and left them on her bedroom floor, and we stepped out of her room and made our way to her basement. The lights were out, as we did not want to wake her religious parents, but she knew her way around, and led me past a table to her couch.
After a few minutes of pathetic teenager make out and pawing, things got serious. After the foreplay, we moved onto the sex.
Being the responsible young adult that I was, I had brought 2 condoms, and being the dumb young adults that we were, she advised I wear them both for extra protection, and I did. Cue worst sex ever. but I'm FAIRLY sure it did happen.
In the throes of passion, we were totally unaware that the distant rumbling of thunder had become the storm of the year directly above our town, and the rain and thunder eventually tore our attention away.
Wait a minute... That doesn't sound like rain... That sounds like... FOOTSTEPS!!
To this day, I have yet to see anyone do anything faster than that Christian girl get dressed. She was dressed and tugging at my arm before I had my pants fully done up! So i grabbed my shirt and my socks, and she dragged my up the stairs and across the common room. Well, mostly across. About halfway down the telltale flicker of flashlights descends the stairs, turns out the power had been knocked out by the storm. Not having enough time to get to her room without being seen, she shoved me into the bathroom beside us, and went to address her parents as I climbed into the shower stall and cowered.
Outside I heard them conversing, her parents having no suspicions were quite calm, just asking how her and her brother were doing. Fine. Ok, well then we are going to go back to bed, try and get some sleep. PHEW! I'm in the clear.
Her dad utters a phrase I won't soon forget, "I am just gonna use the bathroom before we go." And steps into my hiding place. Placing the flashlight on the bathroom counter, beam up, I see the silhouette of a large man walk over to within 3 feet of me, and take a piss. I'm fairly sure my heart stopped beating just to make sure he couldn't detect me at all. He finishes, wastes his 1 flush (cmon people, when the power is out, follow the mantra, 'if it's brown, flush it down, if it's yellow, let it mellow') and departs. Parents leave, she comes and gets me, we both sh*t bricks, and then we continue into her room so I can GTFO ASAP.
I get fully dressed, and am sitting on the edge of her bed putting on my last sock when both of our eyes shoot to the bottom of her bedroom door. Flashlights.
I quickly discern that I don't have the time to get out the window undetected, but spot that her bed has a fairly decent rise to it, and luckily for me, was uncluttered underneath. I drop to the floor and ninja vanish mere moments before her parents enter her room. Again, inconsequential chit chat and I feel like I am in the clear. I sigh a breath of relief and let my head rest on her carpet, looking out into the room.
Directly into the eyes of her 5 year old brother lying on the floor, now wide awake, and staring into my soul. I'm done. I'm busted. I'm dead. "Christian father kills horny teenager" is going to be the headline in the newspaper the next day, guaranteed. A million options flash through my mind until I decide on a brilliantly simple choice. Bringing one finger up to my lips, I make the sign for silence and secrecy.
Thank FSM for the playful naivety of children, because he simply smiled and returned the gesture.
Her parents departed, and shortly after, so did I, to enjoy my walk home in the pouring hot summer rain, with ample time to ponder how close I came to a serious sh*t-beating.
Worth it.
Tl;dr Went for a midnight screw and almost got eviscerated by crazy religious parents, ninja'd my way out.”
Yikes.
Jay Z Reaction GIF by Complex
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“Nightmare date occurring RIGHT NOW.
I rode 250 miles to see this redditor I'd been corresponding with for a couple months. She's cute and we get along smashingly, but she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to be in an awkward position so I refrained from visiting. She almost breaks up with him, but she doesn't. She assured me there'd be no problems(?), but sure enough, I pull into her seedy apartment complex and I see 2 people arguing. My spidey sense tingled so I doubled back, parked, and called her. They are now arguing and I'm sitting at a sh*tty convenience store...fml"
[deleted]
Parents Explain Why They Regret The Name They Gave Their Child | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Denmark has very strict laws to protect children from bizarre names. Parents must choose from a list of 7,000 pre-approved names. And if they choose a name o...Smooth move.
“I was on a first date with a girl and I also worked with. We'd been flirting for weeks and had wonderful chemistry. Our date was great and had a life of its own. She drove. At the end of the 6-hour long date, we were sitting in her parked car in front of my house, continuing the captivating conversation. We had a work meeting the next morning, so when it came time for me to go, I started to exit the car and said ‘See you tomorrow’. She sheepishly said ‘I can't wait that long’. Without thinking, I replied, ‘Well, you're gonna have to’ and slammed the car door.
I didn't realize what she meant, or how what I said came across, for some time, like the next day.”
Thanks a lot, dad.
“She comes to pick me up ( I couldn't drive yet ), she's waiting with the car running in the driveway and calls me because she's somewhat scared of my dad. I come out the front door, my dad follows me wondering where I'm going. He see's the girl and decides he's going to ‘embarrass’ me. He proceeds to tackle me onto the lawn and pretend like he's kicking the sh*t out of me. She drives off in panic. Thanks dad.”
If you thought your dating experiences were bad, you’re not ready for these next few.
Fragile egos don’t make for good dates.
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory Tantrum GIF
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“So we're still in high school, and we'd been hanging out forever, really liked each other. He's a pretty decent nerdy guy, we play Starcraft together all the time, have a couple of classes together. He takes me to a Magic tournament.
Cool! I register and I start playing. I advance, and he throws a hissy fit after I beat him... and refuses to drive me home. The guy behind the counter guilts him into taking me home, and we're about half-way through the awkward silence home when he gets pulled over by the cops for speeding. Instead of cooperating, he throws a f*cking fit and starts yelling. Officer asks him to step out of the car, and he eventually does. I'm in tears, so the nice officer calls my parents to come and get me from the side of the road, because he's taking DateGuy to the station for belligerence and, as he said, ‘Totally ruining your night’. I had to answer a ton of questions with the guy sitting in the back of the cop car, glaring daggers at me.
Worst date I've ever had, and I had to continue taking classes with him until the end of the year. We never spoke again.
Awkward af.
“I had a dud first date - we had nothing to talk about, and none of the social skills or inclination to make small tall.
We made it half way through the second drink before both abandoning the idea.
I walk her back to her car - she collapses on the way.
I call an ambulance, and end up in the emergency waiting room wondering exactly what my obligations are to a girl I don't know.
I stick it out for 4 hours until she's discharged.
I ask her to call me when she gets home, to make sure she gets there ok - she doesn't call.”
This is just plain cringe.
“Was set up on a blind date by a co-worker. Things went reasonably well- ok conversation, he seemed to be genuinely nice. My co-worker and her boyfriend double dated with us for moral support. We went back to the co-worker's house after dinner to watch a movie together. That's when things got weird.
Co-worker and boyfriend left the room to give us some "alone time". Immediately, my date tried to kiss me. It was one of those approaches with his tongue hanging out. I nicely rejected the kiss, saying it was too soon for that type of affection for me. So he shifted his attention to my feet. I was wearing open toed shoes and he grabbed a foot in his hand and asked if he could rub my feet. I declined and he began to beg. Told me that he loved feet and would love to suck on my toes. I declined again, started to get a bit scared. He made a last ditch effort by asking if he could just sniff them once. I gathered my things and left ASAP.
He followed me to my car and tried to beg me in a baby-talk voice to come back, me and my "widdle piggies" (toes). I kept expecting a camera crew to pop out from behind a tree proclaiming that I had indeed been "punk'd". I was as nice as possible about everything, citing that I just needed some time to get comfortable with someone before becoming affectionate. I pulled out of the driveway in such a hurry that I squealed my tires a bit.
I had no intention of seeing him again since he had violated my personal space so much. I (probably wrongly) passive aggressively ignored his phone calls and myspace messages. He couldn't take a hint though, and called 20 times in one day. I finally manned up and told him that I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship. He immediately got nasty, called me a tease, and told me never to contact him again. Weirdest date ever."
Considering the fact that these posts were written in 2010, it’s safe to say that people aren’t going on dates from MySpace anymore. Although Tinder isn’t much worse…
What an a**hole.
Ben Stiller Basketball GIF
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“He called 20 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up. Told me he'd be a couple hours late because he wanted to play basketball.... the time he was supposed to get me rolled around... no show.... twenty minutes later a car pulls up and his mom gets out....(keep in mind we're freshmen in college)
He sent his parents to come get me. 20 minute drive to his house in the car. Alone with his parents. He proceeded to talk about the girl he was in love with for the rest of the date and ended it with an awkward hug stating that it wouldn't work because we lived too far away.”
So much for dancing.
“Went dancing with a girl from work; first date with anyone, 25 years old - zero social skills, naturally. Wisely, I let her do all the talking, and we have a decent enough time. She doesn't even seem to notice my awkwardness, and I start to loosen up and even show a bit of confidence. "Hey, this is sort of fun!", I say to myself.
I explain that I can't dance, but she goads me into giving it a try - just one slow song. She'll walk me through it, she says, no big deal. No one's watching. My blood pressure shoots through the roof, but I'm still on a high, and hardly noticing my hands trembling and my pulse approaching a dangerous rate. We go over to the floor and she puts my hand on her waist and takes my other hand in hers.
Instantly, my breath leaves me and the room fills with pea soup fog. The arteries in my forearms and throat contract painfully and a crushing sensation overtakes me; fade to black. My memory cuts out at that point, but I'm told that I managed to crawl to the corner of the room after hitting the floor.
When I came to, I was completely numb and paralyzed from head to toe, gasping for breath, but getting almost none at all. The crushing feeling intensified and I lost consciousness several more times in the next hour or so as I lay in the corner. Eventually I regained enough feeling in my legs to pull myself upright, stagger to a stool, and order an orange juice. My scalp and tongue were still numb, but I managed to drink it down and gather my thoughts enough to remember where I was, what day it was, and how I had gotten there. In another hour I was aware enough to risk driving home, which I did as slowly and deliberately as I could with my still-dull reflexes and persisting numbness. I made it back to my room and slept until past noon the next day, still a bit numb and groggy even then.
My date, I found out later, had been profoundly embarrassed by my actions, and left immediately after I fell. She forgave me and never mentioned it to anyone, as far as I know.
Tl;dr: first date; tried dancing with a girl; had some sort of stroke (I think*); blacked out; girl leaves, but agrees not to tell anyone about it."
[deleted]
People think this sh*t is cute, but it’s just creepy.
“He wanted to watch a movie at his house. Turns out, he wanted to watch G.I. Jane. Turns out, it's his favorite movie. Turns out, he gets so pumped when watching it he wears his army fatigues and spontaneously does pushups every 5 minutes.
Then we go for a walk and he insists on holding my hand and practically hanging on it for the entire walk.
Finally I get to my house and send him home, relieved to finally be alone. 5 minutes later, I hear something hit my window. Then again. He's outside, throwing rocks at my window. He tells me he loves me, and gazes up at me with a sh*t-eating grin. He had to see me again! I tell him, ‘Go home!’
I think about how I'm going to break up with this extraordinarily needy dude. It digs at me all night.
In the morning when I leave for work I find flowers under my windshield wiper, and a poem. First dates can be gruesome.”
Bad dates can lead to bad consequences.
Not a good look when you’re in twenties.
Alejandro Jodorowsky Party GIF by Endless Poetry
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“Last year, I started screwing around with a coworker of mine. BAD IDEA. We decided to go to a party as our first date-like thing. The party was at her house (she had like 6 roomates in this giant house). Now, I'm not really a big drinker, but these people (all of whom are well into their 20's) were just getting schwasted off of Barton's Vodka. I've never seen a more childish abuse of alcohol.
Yada yada yada, everybody at this party (25 people or so?) started drinking at about 10, and were all passed out in piles of their own vomit all around the house, high-school style. The girl I'm with, after throwing up on her bed, drunkenly begs me to stay and take care of her. Because of my hatred of immature drunk people, I simply leave (kind of a d*ck move, I know). The next day my boss talked to me and said that I wouldn't be working with her anymore because she threatened to fill out a sexual harassment case or something against me. Whoa!
Worst date ever.”
Yiiiiikes.
“I had no car at 17 but thought I would be creative about taking a girl to a movie without involving my parents:
I invited this girl I had a crush on to come to the movies with me and two guy friends. We sat in the back seat together, and sat next to each other at the movies. For the most part my friends left us alone and it seemed like we were on a quiet, awkward, conversation-less first date. I was pretty lame but tried my best to keep her interest in the few moments a movie-date provides. But on the ride back to her house, my best friend happened to play some music she liked on the stereo and they started talking. She immediately opened up and the two of them hit it off instantly (while I was sitting next to her in the back seat, silently raging). She dated my best friend for a year after that.”
Grease was NOT the word that night.
“I went on a date one time when I was in elementary school with a girl I met through a girl in my class. We were going to see Grease, (the 20th anniversary release in 1998) and we had a lot of time to kill before the movie started. Being the adventurous young chap that I was, I decided to get some Milk Duds from the snack counter, as I had never eaten them before. I thought, "Milk chocolate? Caramel? I love both of them, so together, they should be amazing!"
I had a few of them, and they were pretty good. I waited for them to melt, then chomped down and ate them. After a few, however, I became impatient of waiting for them to soften up and started to just bite through them. It was a little challenging biting through solid caramel, but nothing terrible.
However, one Milk Dud was more difficult to chew than the rest. I popped this particular one to the back of my mouth, and the caramel core decided to latch itself onto one of my molars. I pulled and pulled to try to get it unstuck from my teeth, but the caramel was too much for my young teeth. In trying to open up my mouth, I ended up ripping the stuck molar from my mouth with the hard Milk Dud still attached. The molar wasn't even loose, it just got pulled out!
It's strange enough going on dates when you're that young. It's stranger when it's with a girl you met only once prior to the date. It's strangest when you end up ripping out a not-loose tooth with a Milk Dud still attached, and then have to sit through Grease.
Note: I have not eaten a Milk Dud since.”
Definitely a Team Jacob kinda dude.
robert pattinson team edward GIF
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“Not really a date, but still...
I met a girl in a club whilst working as a nightlife photographer - you meet a lot of girls that way, its a good ice breaker. She was pretty, sweet and funny, and we kept bumping into each other throughout the night as I worked. Ended up finishing work and getting to chat to her a bit, things were great, and we ended up going back to her place for a bit of drunken rumpy pumpy.
When we got into her room it was like a normal student room, posters on the wall etc, typical girl stuff, y'know? Twilight poster, calendar of a boy band, some frilly stuff... all that. Quite cute. Anyway, we got down to business, and we were nearly naked when she whispers into my ear in the sexiest way possible, "Bite me like Edward".
I had my clothes on and was out of the door faster than you could even imagine.”
[deleted]
Seems logical.
“Long story short. Christmas party went well. met a girl. Woke up in her apartment, in her bed, naked on top of the covers. Woke up because a man in the doorway was angrily asking me, "is that my daughter?" He had come to pick her up for Christmas vacation and her roommates let him in. I answered, "no." by the way. Seemed the only smart thing to do.”
If your memories of first dates make you cringe, just remember, at least your date didn’t throw a tantrum over a Magic the Gathering tournament. That story was unreal.
And if you have a history of bad dates, don’t worry- the right person WILL come along, and they will provide good memories that will give you hope for relationships again.
What could possibly go wrong?
It turns out there are so many variables that can contribute to making the bride and groom's celebration a major matrimonial miss.
Curious to hear examples of weddings gone wrong, Redditor lolf**kno asked:
"Those who have been to a ruined wedding, what happened?"
Dramatic brawls and speeches plagued these weddings.
Catty Attendees And Booze
"Very beautiful wedding in a huge barn at this apple orchard. They must have spent a ton of money on the decorations and catering because it looked like something out of a magazine. The ceremony was great, the flower girl did her thing, the vows got everyone choked up. Everything seemed to be going well. Not even 15 minutes into the reception the mothers of the bride and groom getting into a full out brawl, hair pulling, red wine being thrown. Their sons jump in to defend their honor, chairs start being throw, tables are flipped, parents are grabbing children and running for their lives."
"The bride and groom are horrified and leave immediately and head back their honeymoon suite. My fiancé and I left after this as well but we heard from some other friends that most people ended up staying and getting wasted at the open bar on the bride and groom's dime. Apparently, the fight started because one of the groom's sister complimented the bride's grandmother's dress. The bride's mom thought she was being sarcastic and called her a b*tch, then the drama ensued. Mind you they had all been pregaming the wedding pretty hard."
Playing For The Drunk Uncle
"I played a wedding where as we started playing the set, everyone ran outside and nobody was to be seen for the rest of the night."
"I originally assumed it was because nobody liked us but the bride came in afterwards and said there was a huge fight involving multiple members of both families and everyone basically went home upset, injured or in a police van."
"We couldn't stop playing since we were payed and it was our job, and the only person watching was the drunk uncle dancing on his own asking for requests we didn't know."
Maid Of Honor Speech Goes Off The Rails
"Was a guest of friend of the bride, did not know anyone attending. Very expensive over the top place, several hundred guests of this very Italian wedding. Maid of honor grabs mic at the cocktail hour begins her speech, rambling, drunk. Quickly devolves to stating the recently deceased mother of the bride was against this wedding and that's basically what killed her. Plus Vinny will never give up sex workers. She is tackled by several people and dragged away."
"The happy couple is separated and divorced within a year."
This is what happens when bad luck crashes weddings.
Tumbling Into The Sunset
"I work at a golf course with a lot of history behind it. We do wedding venues inside the clubhouse and the actual ceremony is held outside by the historic water fountain and large pond."
"First problem was the weather. I live in the high desert and it was very warm. A solid 90 degrees that day and it was also pretty windy. So everyone's outside, no umbrellas, no ezups."
"The next problem, and probably the worst, was the golf cart incident. The bride and groom wanted to 'ride into the sunset' on one of our golf carts. Drive around a little bit on the golf course. To be fair, it is beautiful on the course during sunset. However the cart had somehow gotten a nail in the tire, tire went flat, battery on the cart went crazy and the cart ended up freaking out. It came to an complete stop from 15mph to zero. The wheels and mechanisms locked up, almost seizing. Both the bride and groom (fairly overweight mind you) both fell out and rolled over a few times. They were totally okay, just a few bruises and perhaps a bruised ego or two. So retrieving that cart was fun."
"And last but not least, the power inside the clubhouse went out to do the high winds. There was no after party available. Only the cake was cut, hardly any food was given out. Yeah, not a great day to cover for someone on your day off."
Foggy Memory
"I was not born yet, but my parents rented the observation deck on the Hancock building in Boston for their reception. Tallest building in the city, beautiful view. My dad pored over historic weather charts to figure out what day was statistically most likely to be nice out. Day of the wedding comes and of course, thick fog unlike anything they'd ever seen before. Couldn't see a thing out the windows of the room they had picked specifically for the view."
"Worked out well though, they were happily married for nearly 30 years before cancer took my dad's life a few years ago."
"There's one other funny anecdote from that wedding: The wedding was held in Kings Chapel, which is an incredibly historic church here in downtown Boston that's somewhat of a major tourist attraction. To close that on a weekend afternoon for a wedding, it turns out, was not very expensive. The tourists waiting outside to see the church didn't know that, though, and someone started the rumor that my parents were incredibly wealthy, maybe even Kennedys. As a result, there were tons of people taking photos of them when they left the ceremony. Not sure if any of them ever figured out that my parents were most certainly not rich or famous."
Morbid Surprise
"I was best man at my sister in laws wedding (stepped in for the brother of the groom, that's another story entirely)."
"For a whole year of planning all the bride (SIL) wanted was a dove release while they said handwritten vows to each other. Very small, non denominational (most of the family are atheist anyway) wedding."
"Day arrives (early summer) and something is off with the bird handlers. They show up a bit late and are sourcing help from the wedding party to get everything in line. When the time comes to say their vows I help the handler carry the chest with the doves in it over to what is to be the altar where the bride and groom are standing."
"Vows are just about wrapping up and the handler gives ME the signal to open the chest. I open it and see 20-30 DEAD DOVES IN THE CRATE!!!! I immediately close it to try and limit who knows what happened. Too late. The look of horror on the bride's was all that was needed. We spent the next few hours trying to cheer everyone up but by the end of the reception the entire wedding party had organized and filed animal cruelty complaints on the handler. It was all anyone could focus on."
Tragic losses unfortunately befell leading up to or at a couple's nuptials.
The Wedding Guest Who Left Too Soon
"When I was 6 or 7 I went to a cousin's wedding. Everything was fabulous for little me, so much sugar everywhere, basically heaven. The reception was in a big community center that was reserved for the occasion. Went to the girls' bathroom, passing by the men's room to see my uncle on the floor. Went back to the main room to tell my dad my uncle was looking weird. Well, uncle had a stroke and had died."
"The bride spent the rest of the afternoon crying, and everyone except close family left."
"Bright side is the mariage is still going strong 20 years later, despite what happened that day."
A Terminal Diagnosis
"Leading up to my friends wedding his father had been battling cancer after a terminal diagnosis. And it was touch and go whether he would be well enough to attend the wedding, in the end he was too unwell to attend despite wishing that he could."
"Just as we got to the wedding reception my friend was informed that his father had just passed away. It was devastating."
Wedding Crashers
"Happened to my classmate. He is successful middle level manager, divorced, about 35yo or so. Found a girl of his dreams but from a provincial poor town. The girl insisted to have the wedding in her town to show off her 'success.' The wedding is crashed by her old friends including male friends who are not that sophisticated and have some tense feelings towards the successful groom from the city. Somebody starts a fight in the middle of wedding, groom is trying to stop it and got stabbed in the back. Died right there. And he was my classmate."
An Unfortunate Trespassing
"The wedding was at a state park that's famous for its giant gorge/waterfall. I don't know whose idea this was, but someone suggested a photo overlooking this gorge and everybody was game. The wedding party went around a stone security barrier and the maid of honor literally fell off the cliff to her death. It was like 500+ feet."
With a lot riding on a wedding to go off without a hitch, the mounting pressure is one where something is surely to buckle.
And because wedding guests are usually inebriated and high on the buzz of celebration, they throw caution to the wind and make some choices they wouldn't make under normal circumstances.
People's ill-advised actions can have regretful consequences, but no one expects death to be an outcome.
Fortunately, the weddings I've attended or heard about from friends were not as catastrophic as the anecdotes mentioned above.
While the Redditors' stories are sorrowful, it gives me a sense of relief these devastating examples are rare occurrences.
Have we met? That is an actual question I asked a gift giver once. (Who shall rename nameless) Football tickets. FOOTBALL TICKETS?! Who? What? I can't.
Looks Familiar
Broad City Wow GIF by Comedy CentralGiphy"My own scarf. Yes, that's right, my mother went into my room took my only scarf, wrapped it and gave it to me like it was a new scarf."
Devastation!
"Thought I was getting a bike for my 15th birthday but my foster parents announced that they were sending me to a group home after living with them for 11 years. Devastation! That place was a wake up call. More independence then at my foster home but those kids had it really really bad, 12 year old heroine addicts, abuse... what the entire hell! I hurried up, graduated from high school at 16 and got the hell out of that place. I turned out ok, work in the legal field, live in Las Vegas. I did forgive my foster parents before they died."
The Forgotten One
"My brother and I worked for a farmer one summer, and he paid us with a used car. At the end of the next year, my brother graduated high school, so my parents paid me out for my half of the car, and that was his graduation gift. I gave them all a big discount compared to what it was worth. So like $500 for my share of a $2500 car."
"2 years later, and I needed $50 for some graduation fees, so I borrowed it from my mom until I could get to the bank. (Before mobile banking and ATMs everywhere.) Later, when my mom is telling me they invited all their friends over for a 'graduation' party, I asked if they had gotten a gift for me. "Well I gave you fifty bucks."
"I paid it back the next day, and she didn't blink. The 'graduation party' was just my parents friends, who said congratulations to me, but it wasn't really for me. A few years later, my little sister graduated, she got a car. They bought a used car for her, and our other little sister got the same when she graduated. My parents are mostly nice, and I never felt like they singled me out at birthdays or anything. Just my graduation seemed like I turned invisible."
Office Party Fail
"HR complaint from two subordinates fighting over how to throw me a surprise birthday party."
- BBoySlim
"I've never worked in an office environment, but the stories I've heard of people being required to buy a cake for the whole office and to celebrate their birthday with their coworkers would be enough to keep me in blue collar work for life, were it not for the fact that I love being active and working with my hands and could never sit at a desk all day anyway."
Basics
law school finals GIFGiphy"My Asian mom's gift was "no extra Kumon homework after school homework" so my birthday gift was that I didn't get extra homework from her."
Regifting is trash behavior. Do better. I'd rather you just say I forgot. Or... I just don't care for that much. But regifting? No.
season 4 lint roller GIF by Veep HBOUnlucky 13
"Stomach flu and my first ever period, at the same time. I think it was my 13th birthday."
- kelpself
"Omg, exact same story for me. It was my 13th birthday and my family took us kids to visit our relatives in Subsaharan Africa for the first time. I was sick, jetlagged, overheated and riding down a bumpy road in a Jeep driven by my dad in the complete darkness. We had just eaten at a restaurant where I found a giant scarab beetle in the bottom of my soup bowl. I have flashbacks to this day."
Lazy Thoughts...
"My grandparents have been gifting me (and my brother) the same set of three vice grips for almost 10 years. Collectively we have 60 vice grips. I don't know if they bought a pallet of them, or where they are coming from. GET A GRIP GRANDMA!"
"I had a friend who's father was famous for doing Christmas shopping at the last minute. One year she complained that she went downstairs on Christmas morning and found, sticking out of her stocking, a spatula. Her birthday was a few days after telling that story, so myself and her friends all decided to get together and get her spatulas for her birthday, as a gag gift."
"Well, when it was our birthdays she retaliated. Which lead to a counter-offensive. And soon a new tradition was formed. And guys, I have so many spatulas now. Everything from dollar store cheap plastic, to hand-carved spatulas, a golden spatula, and even a replica of the famous Malaysian fighting spatula."
"I've got seasonal spatulas. As in, today it's time to pack away the Christmas spatulas and bring out the heart-shaped Valentine's day ones, followed by the bunny-shaped Easter ones. We've also been passing around this clip from the Weird Al Yankovic movie UHF. "Spatula City, we sell spatulas, and that's all!"
Their ultimate whack-a-doo move...
"A pair of homemade custom pajamas. Only problem was that they weren't made yet. It was just the fabric and a promise to make them for me. I had to give the fabric back and I never got the pajamas."
"Holy cow my parents do crap like this. It's so freaking weird. Their ultimate whack-a-doo move was to give my wife and I a few acres of their property."
"Nothing legal just at our wedding they gave us a card that basically said 'have some land.' When the dust settled I asked what they thought we would do with it, they said build a home. I said ok, gonna need legal ownership for like building a house. They said sure we will get right on that. Then they decide to sell out and retire and never mentioned our wedding 'gift' again."
Gross...
Disgusted Steve Carell GIFGiphy"My grandma got me a hairbrush with a plastic horse head handle. The horse head was all chipped up and there was hair in the brush."
Bummer...
"My Godfather sent me a Birthday card each year which said, he paid 100 bucks to a bank account which I was supposed to get, when 16yo. He then got into alcohol, used all the money and died."
Oh for God sake, why even bother giving anything at all? Lint rollers, used brushes, homemade pjs... y'all ever hear of a gift card? Just put five bucks on it and call it a day. You can't hide cheap, so stop trying.
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I definitely wouldn't turn down an excursion to AREA 51. I'd like to poke around and get a sense of the place. I've never personally been up close and face to face with a "non-Earther." Not sure I'd like to be...
TV Truth
x files monkey pee GIF by The X-FilesGiphy"UFOs/Aliens are a cover for all of the secret projects that the government is working on. Actually stole that from the X files."
Birth
"How human birth parallels alien abductions:
- Babies are taken from their home (womb)
- They still developing sight, so they see bright lights and grey figures.
- They hear an "alien" language they don't understand.
- They suddenly feel cold after leaving their womb.
- They are in a surgery room being poked with tons of instruments.
Long story short: some people suggest that abductions are just people who had memories of their birth."
In the Mind
"I just don't think anyone will ever see this. But I think that UFO's are the projection of our unconscious collective mind. Everything that exists in reality, also exists, in our immaterial mind. Is it possible that the insides of our mind are also just one drop in the ocean of consciousness... and together we create the material reality were in, simply by experiencing it in a real way, inside-out through our senses."
Flyover...
"My father was an aircraft mechanic and fabricator for test and spy aircraft for the USAF. He spent 75-85 working with test aircraft. He said that when they were going to do a test, that could possibly be seen by the public, they would make a betting pool on how many UFO reports local authorities and flight towers received."
Under the Sea
sci-fi ufo GIFGiphy"I like the idea that some UFOs aren't machines. Instead they are some sort of Upper-Atmosphere Jellyfish. I found the issue of Fortean Times that had this article. Here's the cover: http://ft.gjovaag.com/q/images/a/ae/FT291.jpg"
- BigD1970
Interesting. There are some ideas we can look into. None of it proof, but possibilities. There are certainly plenty of future film ideas.
Like 2012...
"We are like that un contacted tribe and everyone agrees not to bother us."
"I've heard it explained from a channel (idk if you know what channeling is) kinda like this. First of all, we as a species tend to freak out, shoot first and ask questions later. Most humans would have a literal psychotic break. You have to believe in vibrational energy as it relates to our consciousness."
"The aliens (certain ones) are at such a higher level that it would be jarring for us to come in close contact with. We are slowly getting there but it's a process. Like 2012, end of the Mayan calendar, wasn't the end of the world it was the end of an energy cycle that we as the human race had never made it past before."
"Previous civilizations have been destroyed or destroyed themselves before they got this far. We passed a point where we are very unlike to destroy ourselves anymore. This doesn't mean we won't see some real bad hardships yet but we will keep progressing."
- falecf4
"train your eyes"
Dancing GIFGiphy"I was a firm believer in t em when I was in high school and kept googling theories and info in my spare time and during my study halls. They said their bodies were so lightweight or something that the reason why you can't see the evidence is that they disintegrate before hitting the ground."
"And then LOL it was so funny, some people would swear you could "train your eyes" to see rods... HhhahAHAHAHA. Like there were these experts. Video showed him walking around with a serious face, then pointing. And he's like, "that was one just there." "You can't see them, you have to be used to them... like me."
"I've spent many years immersed into hunting them finding them. That's why I can see them." And then one day China, who loves occult stuff, had like a lab that set up a nighttime camera to capture footage of rods at night... then realized they were normal bugs at overexposure. lol"
Lurking
"The Dark Forest theory. Basically the theory that the reason we haven't made contact is because all the other civilized life in the universe/galaxy knows not to broadcast their location. They've learned that there's something awful or predatory lurking in the dark forest of our galaxy, and that it's better if they keep to themselves."
Unknowns...
"That the universe is so vast that we haven't been discovered yet."
- neoastic
"This makes sense to me because traversing the distance to or from even our our stellar neighbors would require technology that is not known to us now or likely to be known by us anytime soon if it's even possible at all. To assume without evidence that aliens could possess this technology and have visited us does not meet my skeptical standards."
- KZED73
Back and Forth
back to the future great scott GIFGiphy"Time travel exists, and UFO sightings are actually future humans coming back to our time. That is why they are so discreet, and never openly make contact."
I hope time travel exists. Now that I'm onboard for. If aliens do exist... just come on out guys. We could probably use your help.
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