People Break Down Why They Don't Have A Partner In Their Life
Finding a life partner is hard.
Why do the movies lie to us?
And so many more people are choosing life alone.
I guess that not having to share a bed thing is a real plus.
RedditorTheSilverKnight711wanted to hear from all the single ladies... and gents... and everyone in between. They asked:
"What’s stopping you from having a partner in life?"
I'm just not that into any of it. I'm also tired. That's just me. And you?
MeFor Me GIF by Lil YachtyGiphy
"Me, myself and I."
"Try trusting all three of them."
"That’s such a tough way to live. It took me until my 40’s to realize that the main person who didn’t like me was myself. Took me a few years to talk myself around to liking me and then loving me. Now I am able to be less critical of other people too. (If I’m judging others, then I must expect to be judged too) My life is less stressful and I’m actually happy."
"Currently I'm making 0 effort to do so. Haven't been interested in anyone in a while."
"Same, I hate online dating cause I can't tell what peoples personalities are and Im not on most forums of social media. 'Im obviously still on reddit but I have nothing else besides snapchat."
"I also work a lot as well, so pretty much the only time I come in contact with new women in my life is like at the grocery store. I don't drink much but I feel like I need to start hitting bars or college parties or something though. Im not even in college but It seems like it's the only way to meet women around my age without social media."
"Or just approaching random ones in the store. I just feel like unless I just actively 'hunt' for a date I won't ever find one. Which sucks cause I'd rather meet women organically, rather than just trying to hit up someone you see cause they might have potential based on looks."
"The idea that I'm happy by myself."
"It's definitely a confidence thing. People in relationships don't need others' approval nearly as much - this translates to more confident, less needy behavior that signals to others that you're self-assured and comfortable with yourself. That's very appealing."
in-between...amanda tanen catwalk GIF by HULUGiphy
"I'm in that awkward in-between area where I've got too much self-worth to settle for someone who's going to ruin my life and not enough self-worth to let a good person love me."
There really is no rhyme or reason to it all. Is there?
"My personality. I get bored really fast, and don’t think it’ll be fair to the other person. My friends say it’s because I haven’t met the right person, maybe true, but I don’t want to risk it."
"the rest of my life"
"Not being able to find someone that I can forsee the rest of my life with."
"When I was dating in the 1970s, 'the rest of my life' was my standard statement to myself. Sure he was great to be around, but could I put up with him for the rest of my life? For my one, yes, except it was for the rest of his life. He died in January after being married for 44+ years. Simple comparison: Could I live with him in lockdown?
"I'm not the best in social situations and I feel like I have nothing to offer."
"Just a heads up: you absolutely have something to offer. Whether you're good at socializing or not, just show someone kindness and respect."
"And be there for them, and if they are available and attracted to you then you'll be everything they need. And I don't mean like you have to be physically 'attractive,' but like the person actually is down to hang out with you. Either way, you have worth and someone would be happy to love the sh*t out of you if you let them. :) "
"I'm a really terrible partner. I've put multiple people through absolute hell, because they have normal expectations in relationship. I require a lot of alone time, sometimes I just want to sleep by myself. sometimes I like traveling by myself. I can get super depressed and withdraw."
"I've learned now that I have to keep things casual and I'm probably not meant to be a typical relationship where you build a life together and live together all the time. Also, I'm sure it's just modeling because my mom and stepdad live separately and just go on dates, so unless I find someone who loves being alone as much as me (unlikely) I guess I'm just over here vibing."
Too GoodWhich One Reaction GIF by AudibleGiphy
"Vacillating wildly between 'I'm not good enough for this person, and it’s only a matter of time before they find out,' and, 'I’m too good for this person, I will never be satisfied.' Often, multiple times on the space of a single afternoon."
Ask them to hang out?
"My desire hasn't overtaken the expectations of effort required."
"The effort can be pretty ridiculous. I re-entered the dating pool somewhat recently after being in a relationship for most of my adult life and holy s**t is it terrible. People expect you to know exactly what they want when they want and if you mess anything up then they'll move on to someone else. Ask someone out too early? You're weird. Ask them out too late?"
"They're not interested any more - you missed your chance. Ask them to hang out? Too vague - no. Ask them on a dinner date? Too specific and too much pressure. Everyone has different expectations and people are so unforgiving if you can't figure it out. I'm told pretty frequently that I'm attractive and have other good qualities and yet I'm terrible at dating. The whole process is so confusing and demoralizing. I stopped trying after a while."
I Know this pain...
"I’m very positive I do this unconsciously whenever I date. I seem to be very attracted to people that are either unstable, they don’t know what they want or emotionally immature. It’s like my brain wants me to be alone forever."
at a loss...
"I'm not the kind of sociable that goes out of his way to meet people for that reason. I don't care for bars or parties for instance. It's not that I don't want someone, it's that I don't really know how/what to do. And since I'm a male, it's doubtful a girl would risk it herself and pursue me. So yeah... at a loss."
Today's CrushHappy Alison Brie GIFGiphy
"Getting hyper-fixations on people and then being disappointed when they are normal people. Just today had a crush on my young orthodontist - like 5/6 years older than me cause he was nice while fitting new retainers."
"I do this except only ever with one person lol. I’ve only ever been truly attracted to one person. I still have a long time so I imagine it’ll happen again, but I still thinks it’s weird when people my age by this point have ex counts in the double digits."
"I simply don’t have the energy to provide and love someone unconditionally at this point of time in my life. I want to grow as an individual and love myself first. I choose to not be in a relationship for that purpose because it would be completely unfair for them."
Apps are a joke...
"I have no idea how to meet people. Apps are a joke, I don't drink so I have no reason to be in a bar, and the only friends I have are on discord so no group activity stuff. My one hobby outside of gaming (hiking) is also very solo focused with me not even encountering another person for most of the day... I've just given up and accepted that I'm just not meant to ever find anyone."
I Don't Need You
"The question isn't what's stopping it from happening. It's more that having a life partner is a huge commitment that I don't really want to enter with anyone that I know, nor am I really seeking out someone that could fulfil that role because it's not a net positive to be in a relationship. I really enjoy not being beholden to anyone, and someone would have to overwhelm that for me to want to be with them long term... I think I'd prefer to just have some really good friends."
"capable"kevin can wait focus GIF by CBSGiphy
"I'm not in as much of a rush as I used to be. My focus is on patching up the holes in my life so I can love myself first."
"I've been mentally checked out for a while. Too many pressures, too many thoughts, and too much self-neglect. I'm steadily getting back into a comfortable feeling. Just recently started feeling 'capable' again. Maybe someday I'll find someone, but it's no longer a do-or-die event for me."
"I'm at the age where I should have my life figured out at this point, but I don't. My peers are generally already established in life and are rightfully looking for a partner who's on their level. Couple that with bad attachment insecurities, and it would be cruel to get another girl a tangled up in this hot mess haha."
"Anyone in this thread though should look at their reasons and try to work on them earnestly. I am currently and hope to one day get to a place in life that maybe someone might tolerate me long enough to give me some head pats or whatever people in relationships do. It's tough, like really tough, to not have someone for this long, but you can only march forward."
Alone is ok as long as you're ok. So be ok alone.
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Financially speaking, most of us could benefit greatly from having extra money each month.
But where someone might assume that the extra money would just be wasted, most people would apply these funds to very practical purposes and expenditures.
Redditor dothepingu asked:
"What would you do if you had an extra $1,000 every month?"
"A couple of weeks ago, I went to the dentist and overheard a heartbreaking situation."
"The office had a very open floor plan with privacy screens rather than individual rooms. But you could still hear every single conversation."
"This teenage kid comes in and says that he has a broken crown that needs to be fixed."
"The dentist says that it will cost $700. Kid says he has to call his mom first."
"So the kid calls the mom, and the mom says, 'No way in h**l can we afford that. Just tell the dentist to stick the old one back on.'"
"The dentist is like, 'Are you sure? That's not really a thing. It's just gonna break off again.'"
"The mom says too bad, he has to live with it."
"If I had an extra $1000, I would have picked up that tab for that kid."
"Pay off debts and save."
"Exactly my thoughts, start actually being able to plan things and save money rather than being on the back foot all the time."
"Absolutely. Money just helps so much for lowering stress!"
"I'd ask my husband to take more time off work. We don't need the extra money, I'd rather have his company."
"Save more money and continue with my current lifestyle, except maybe also be able to get eye surgery for my worsening vision."
A Little Self-Care
"I'd start actually getting my hair cut and colored by someone that's not me at 3:00 AM feeling brave."
"I feel attacked by this comment, it feels personally directed at me."
"Be able to take care of my and my wife's mental health a h**l of a lot better."
"Her therapy is important but expensive. I would love to make sure she had more appointments and the best care."
Time to Retire
"Retire. 1000 USD per month is LIFE CHANGING in the Philippines."
"Probably move out of my uncle's shed."
"Make an extra mortgage payment; pay off this house twice as fast."
"I'd try out that three meals per day trend that people talk about."
"I'd settle for one meal a day and not living in my car."
"Dude. Been there for six months. One day we'll make it big. We'll sleep on a mattress and eat TWO meals a day."
"I'd work fewer hours. I've been here for 32 years and haven't been able to take a vacation in over four years."
Providing for Family
"My mom recently became single, with three kids and a grandkid at home. She and two of the kids who live with her are unable to work because of severe health problems."
"I know she is constantly terrified about how she's going to pay the bills. I'd give her the $1,000 each month in a heartbeat."
Man's Best Friend
"I'd finally be able to afford a dog."
"Live instead of survive."
While there are millionaires in the world, or even just people who live very comfortably, most people are currently living paycheck-to-paycheck, give or take a few hundred dollars. And that $1,000 extra each month would make all the difference.
When love is on the rocks and there's no salvaging a relationship, it's better for a couple to call it splits.
Sometimes the reason for a breakup is obvious.
Other times, it's more complicated.
But the people involved going their separate ways is better than staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Curious to hear from ex-lovers who've been there, Redditor Lishasquarepant asked:
"What caused your last break-up?"
These Redditors found they and their significant other were no longer on the same page.
"Simply, we grew apart."
"Same, I feel like Michael Scott everytime I try to start another relationship. 'No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.'"
"Same. We loved each other like siblings, not spouses... Ugh! Lovely man though who now has a fab girlfriend. We are good friends and much happier apart."
"Same. And it f'king sucks, but that’s life. It’s been a year and I still hate every second that she’s not in my life, but at the same time I know she’s happier now than she would’ve been if we stayed together."
Having no communication is the worst part.
"He slowly got distant. I believe he lost interest and didn't dare be honest with me about that."
The Late Blame Game
"I had that happen as well, but then he pinned it on me being distant and not affectionate enough."
"My guy, if you pull your hand away every time I try to hold it, I'm gonna stop trying to hold it. And if I ask if something's up and you repeatedly tell me everything is fine, I'm going to believe you. Don't wait till I'm at my worst moment and then reveal you had issues with me for 3 months and break up with me for it being 'my fault.'"
"Everything Is Fine"
"Oh man, the asking repeatedly and getting a 'nothing' reminds me of a story."
"My friend used to ask her ex this every time he was unusually quiet. He’d always say he was fine, then at one point, told her to stop asking because it was making him feel weird."
"So she did."
"Six months later he initiated a divorce because she didn’t care about his feelings anymore."
"Like…don’t ask for sh*t then get pissy when you get what you want."
And then there are those who were not invested in the relationship for a long time.
The Struggle Is Real
"He seemed to struggle with the concept of not f'king random people."
Leaving The Problem
"He moved to his country because he missed his family. So he only sent a WhatsApp message saying he was going to stay there. I would have preferred a call at least to break up a marriage."
"Something similar happened to my cousin. He married her in the US, they had a baby together.. a few years go by, he misses home, goes back to visit.. His family had an arranged marriage ready for him 🤦🏻♀️ He ended up with a new wife and new baby. Hasn’t came back."
A Foreign Custom
"It just seems so surreal that a grown a** adult with a wife and baby would leave his family behind for an arranged marriage. I'll never fathom the mentality."
"I wasn't having sex near as often as she was."
Breaking up is hard to do.
But a good thing to remember is that love can be found again and the new relationship can be even better than the previous one.
And that's something that can't be recognized until you look back in retrospect.
We all have to kiss a few toads.
Everyone looks back on their high school experience differently.
Some wish they could relive it all over again, while others are more than happy to put it all behind them and seldom, if ever, look back on it.
Of course, no matter if they look back on high school with pleasure or disdain, everyone has a few memories of their classmates.
Particularly the one who always seemed to be getting into trouble.
Constantly landing themselves in detention and, in more severe cases, landing themself in trouble with the authorities.
Some of these students thankfully grew out of their bullying days and have grown and learned to treat others with respect and kindness. Others were not so lucky, and still found themselves getting into trouble long after their school days were over.
"Who was the worst student in your high school, & what did they do that was so bad?
The Beginning Of The End...
"There was a kid who walked up to the pencil sharpener and set the substitute teacher's hair on fire from behind her with a cigarette lighter and then claimed sparks had flown out of the light switch."
"He's in prison for other stuff now."- isfrying
Lucky The Room Was Empty...
"I knew a lot of sh*tty people back in school, but I think the guys who dropped a whole desk out of a third-story window onto some kid qualify as the worst, purely because I think that qualifies as an attempted murder."- WixedEcho
Doesn't Exactly Scream True Love...
"The boy that put a pipe bomb into another kid's locker because he talked to the girl the original boy liked."
"He went to a juvenile program and then disappeared."- dreamermom2
The Demon Student Of High School...
"A girl at my school took the ashes of her recently deceased grandfather."
"Baked it into cookies and handed the cookies out amongst her classmates."
"Nine students had eaten them before she revealed the urn and told them what she did."- FiddlerofSticks
What A Waste, So Close To The End...
"He put LSD in a teacher's drink and they tripped."
"12th grade, he got arrested as he should have."- Amy_OZ
How Did He Even Get The Job?
"Not me, but my daughter and her female friends in 9th grade."
"There was a boy who was disturbed who was making threats to the girls in his classes."
"The girls told me he had photos of dead animals he'd killed."
"Anyway, for whatever reason, my daughter felt like telling me about it for the first time well into the school year, like in November or so."
"I had no idea this was going on until then."
"I called the teacher first, who was a man, and he was afraid of this kid."
"Teacher said to call the principal and gave me his number."
"Principal said, and I quote: 'Lady I have 1200 students to deal with on a daily basis'."
"'I can't be worried about whether your daughter is safe at school'."
"Which was the wrong thing to say, bc it obviously pissed me off."
"He said that he put this kid and my daughter alone in a room and told them to essentially kiss and make up."
"Called the superintendent next, who was incredibly bowled over by the incompetence of the principal."
"He told me to call the police."
"Which was too late because I had already taken my daughter and 3 of her friends to the police to make reports and file for a restraining order."
"The next day the principal called to apologize, from the phone in the superintendent's office."
"The kid was removed from the classes with all of these girls, which was next to impossible."
"And less than a week was removed from the school."
"I think my daughter said that he's in prison now."- floridianreader
Some People Can Turn Their Lives Around
"Not the worst student but craziest thing to happen was freshman year this kid got caught using a keylogger to steal teacher's gradebook logins to sell grade changes."
"He was also stealing credit card info."
"Ran into him a few years ago and he actually graduated Harvard and is in real estate now."- AbortionCrow
Bad Decisions Have Consequences
Bullied other kids mercilessly."
"Stole cigarettes & alcohol from shops, to sell to other kids for cash he'd use to buy weed."
"A few years after high school him and 2 of his closest mates were hooning in their sh*tbox on the highway, playing Chicken."
"It was night time and they had their lights turned off, and they were driving on the wrong side of the road with the intent to make other people flinch & dodge before they had to."
"Other driver didn't even know they were there & just drove a straight path."
"So because of that the other driver obviously didn't dodge or deviate, forcing them to flinch and they dodged off the side of a road, right into a huge Gum Tree."
"All 3 killed instantly 140+kmph impact on a hardwood tree."
"Small rural area so the whole town grieved over the 'tragic loss of 3 young lives' but single kid who grew up around them knew better than to call it a tragedy."
"Glad the other driver didn't see them & suffer their fate."
"Gladder that they're gone."- Pharya
Some People Simply Never Learn From Their Mistakes
"One of the rich families kid was just 100% incapable of driving safely at all."
"We're talking at the age of 16 has already totaled 3 cars."
"His parents kept giving him new ones, not cheap ones either, Acura RSX, VW Golf, Subaru WRX."
"The VW and Acura he did nothing but crash them into trees while he had his DRIVING PERMIT - not even a license."
"The First WRX he had a passenger in it and decided to hit another tree."
"Passenger broke his neck but was fine."
"3 months later, parents got him his second WRX."
"Was doing 70+ in a 45 back road with a 2 girls in the car."
"Swerved to avoid a truck pulling into a road, clipped the back corner, spun the car sideways and got T-boned by a box truck/Uhaul."
"It was sad but I'm more outraged at his sh*tty parents."- Saturn_5_speed
One never knows the kind of person your classmates are going to grow up to be.
Though sometimes, you can't help but appreciate that you were right about your instincts to avoid certain people.
Who among us hasn't seen things that made us think we were still asleep?
Sometimes those scary movie moments are a reality.
Once in a while, Michael Myers IS in the shadows.
There are so many unexplainable happenings that leave our nerves wrecked.
As I type this, I swear I can hear moving in the bushes outside.
I'm not in the mood to be terrorized before bed.
Redditor TractorLoving wanted to hear about the things many of us have seen that left us shaken and a bit scared, so they asked:
"What's the most creepy thing you've ever witnessed?"
I've lost track of the number of things that have creeped me out in life.
I barely leave the house.
From the bushes...the lion king disney GIFGiphy
"When I was about 12 I was sleeping on my trampoline with a friend and we heard the bushes move behind us, we flashed our flashlight to the bushes and a mountain lion was laying there stalking us, I have never run so fast in my life."
"Finding my dad dead in his recliner. I swear I heard his voice when the coroner came for his body."
"My granddad knocked over my great-grandma's ashes in his car accidentally, and to this day swears he heard her laugh, loud and clear as if she was standing next to him. She had a hugely wicked sense of humor and would have found this (and my very stressed granddad carefully collecting her ashes back into the container before my grandma saw) very funny."
From the Sea
"When I was serving my time as an engineer in the merchant navy we used to have to clean out what is called 'sea chests;' they're basically big filters for seawater that we would pump in to use as coolant and if the pumps were on when we were dockside we'd find all sorts of things like bottles, fish, crabs etc."
"One day we opened up the chest, pulled out the filter, and immediately saw this gold shiny thing which turned out to be a Rolex watch. Usually, we'd just dump out the filter but with the mitigating circumstances, we went through it thoroughly and found a piece of a shirt with cufflink still attached and last but not least a nicely rotted finger."
"The police ended up closing off the dock and dredging it but never found anything on the end." ~ MarkyBhoy101
TerrifiedWatching I See You GIF by TravisGiphy
"This guy followed me home. Said he saw me there often and named a few local spots I go to sometimes as places he sees me. It’s been about a year. Never saw him again. I was terrified for a little while for sure."
Stay vigilant out there kids.
People are watching and some of us don't notice.
Back Up CreepScared Homer Simpson GIF by reactionseditorGiphy
"I was in a restaurant years ago on lunch break. At the time I was a very thin 25-year-old woman. There was this big creepy guy sitting there who would NOT stop staring at me from the moment I walked in the door."
"I mean just open face staring without blinking for the entire 15 minutes I was eating several seats away. I asked for a box and left early to get away from him. As I walked out he said, 'You shouldn't be out alone. Someone's going to grab you and steal you away." 100% convinced creepazoid had someone locked up in his basement."
'Youth in need'
"Was working in a restaurant. Nice place. That night we held a charity dinner for a 'youth in need' type of house. The guy representing the house, a worker there, was such a nice and kind man. Every teen there was only saying nice things about him. A good soul, that was giving everything he could for these teens."
"At one point they gave a big check to the charity. I must guess an amount they rarely received. Well under the excitement, that poor man had a cardiac arrest. Dropped there on the stage, cheque in hand. He couldn't be brought back. He died. Seeing this was already bad enough, but the kids everywhere in the restaurant screaming and crying for hours after... haunting."
Inside the House
"One random night in middle school I woke up and had the odd feeling that something or someone was present in the house and coming towards my room. I was scared so I closed my eyes to pretend to be asleep. I could faintly hear something come into my room and it felt like someone was standing over me, looking to make sure I was asleep. I laid on my back, eyes shut, until the feeling passed, and ended up falling asleep. I woke up in the morning to find out that our house was robbed."
There in lies the rub...
"Well dressed 50 something business dude on a quiet Chicago L train reading a Wall Street Journal. Pretty woman with long curly hair dozing in the seat in front of him, her hair dangling behind the seat. The guy is rubbing and playing with her hair while reading his paper so I figure she's his wife or girlfriend who just wanted some space to nap."
"He is now intently rubbing and fondling her hair and not reading anymore. Suddenly she snaps awake and pulls in her hair like a bug was in it or something. She gets off at the next stop, he continues reading. They didn't know each other at all."
Why do people feel the need to overshare?
People really need to discuss boundaries.