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People Explain Why They Oppose Legalizing Marijuana Use

People Explain Why They Oppose Legalizing Marijuana Use
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People typically think of cannabis legalization as one of those cut and dry things.

If you don't use marijuana, you probably don't want to legalize it.

If you do use marijuana, you are probably pro-legalization.

... except it's not that simple.


Reddit user SaifurCloudstrife asked:

"Redditors opposed to marijuana legalization and decriminalization: Why?"

Normally when these types of questions are asked, you get a bunch of people who are pro-the-thing chiming in and that absolutely happened here.

Interestingly, that opened up discourse that got people actually talking—probably more than they normally would have. The constant back and forth helped people get down to the core of their beliefs and reasons.

I can't say minds or hearts were changed, or even that people had particularly good reasons (and there were some not-great counter arguments, let's be real) when it came right down to it, but conversations were certainly had...

The 70's

"It's a drug."

"I have two examples in my close family that clearly show how devastating pot can be. This attitude to marijuana reminds me of the attitude towards cocaine in the mid to late seventies when everyone thought it was harmless 'nose candy.' "

"I'm against sentences for drug possession but many people would benefit from dealers serving 3-5 for selling pot."

- aykontakt

"But how is it any different than alcohol? Or would you ban that too? (Serious question)"

"Honestly, I think everyone against it should come to Canada for a visit. It's been legal here for 4 years and absolutely NONE of the spooky stories have come true."

"The only real differences is that people buy their weed in nice, clean stores with clear labels and not on street corners and our tax dollars don't go towards harassing people for a weekend indulgence."

- QueenShnoogleberry

Giphy

The Smell

"It stinks and makes people lazy."

- amateuraesthete

"It stinks"

- VanillaSarcoline

"I hate the smell it gives me headaches and makes me wanna puke!"

"And often the weed smokers don't care if they are a pain in the butt to others and that kind of apathy is a huge no for me."

- MyriamJean

Giphy

"I live in WA, where rec weed is legal."

"I rarely ever smell pot smoke. And I have the nose of a bloodhound."

"Yes, more often than as a teen when it was still illegal, but far less than any amount to be pro-prohibition about it."

"Plus, I mean, there's lots of smells I f*cking hate but wouldn't enact harmful laws over- Axe body spray being one."

- DiligentDaughter

"Laws can be made regarding where you can smoke."

"In Australia you can't smoke inside or within a certain distance to entryways. The only space you smell smoke is at an outdoor pub, designated smoking areas and occasionally when walking."

"It took years, but people become accustomed to new rules. Knowing Americans though, you guys will be on the brink of civil war if they brought in similar restrictions."

- IAMJUX

It's TOO Good

"I've read that the potency in pot these days is a hell of a lot stronger compared to say 20 or 30 yrs ago."

"The huge increase in THC levels should be a huge concern for people. The pot being legalized today is not the same I smoked when I was much younger."

- FreshStartLiving

"This argument has been rolled out again and again since I was in elementary school (~30 years ago) and I never understood it."

"THC is remarkably non-toxic, it's so much less toxic than many common substances people ingest on a regular basis (aspirin, and plenty of other OTC meds, as examples), to the point where actual THC toxicity is caused by physical rather than chemical/metabolic actions."

"Smoked cannabis is also much easier to titrate (dose appropriately), since the effects are nearly instantaneous - take a couple hits and you'll know if you've had enough within seconds."

Giphy

"As opposed to an accidental edible overdose where you might not know for a couple hours that you've taken a heroic dose."

"So a higher % of THC by weight in cannabis flower shouldn't be an issue, especially considering that back in D.A.R.E. they used to tell us that smoking cannabis was SO MUCH WORSE than smoking tobacco."

"Cannabis was supposedly so much 'harsher,' one joint contains 'toxins' equivalent to an entire pack of cigs, etc...which is total bull, but even if that were true...wouldn't that mean that stronger cannabis is less harmful, since you don't have to smoke so much to achieve the desired effect?"

"Can't have it both ways."

- r-whatdoyouthink_

It is high potency because it is illegal. It's easier to transport a half pound of skunk than 10 pounds of trash weed."

"Look at states that have legalized. There are low thc strains available and easily accessible."

- ADD-DDS

Like Cigarettes

"Because dipsh*ts will start smoking it in public places where others can not really avoid it, like is the case with cigarettes currently."

"Also yes: F*ck cigarettes."

- DariusIsLove

"Yep my problem is drugs in public."

"I do not care if you do drugs as long as your doing them in a private place. I don't want to breathe in your smoke and get lung cancer."

- Tom_89n

"I don't really have strong feelings regarding legalization but people who smoke anything in public spaces are annoying."

"I don't especially care what folks get up to on their own, it's when they make everyone around them a participant that it aggravates me."

"Plus, depending on the setting, it's really inconsiderate."

"I have a friend whose job does random drug testing and he left a bar because a bunch of folks were smoking inside and he was worried about work."

- illy-chan

Giphy

Go Away, Government!

"I'm for legalization but as someone that worked for corporate cannabis, I'd loathe seeing those scums run the market."

"My state Governor tried writing a recreational cannabis bill on their own terms since we are surrounded by recreational territories."

"They stated they didn't want it to lead to a ballot measure because that's worst case scenario (didnt think voters were educated) than proceeded to write the most comically bad legalization bill that existed - before completely dropping it because they couldn't write a competent law."

- Gat_Gat_Habitat

"I am about as anti pot as they come, but if they are going to legalize it, why wouldn't they make it legal to grow your own? (Rhetorical- I know the answer… same reason "they" are legalizing it… tax money)"

- tmccrn

"This is what I am screaming. For them it's only about money."

"They are waiting for the rich to install a profit making infrastructure before they let us peasants enjoy anything."

- Rancor8209

Giphy

The Idiots

"If I had any good reason it's because idiots insist it's not addictive and it doesn't impede your senses. So they drive and do dangerous sh*t while high."

"My issue isn't the severity of the impediment. It's that people refuse to admit that it does alter the mind."

"I already have one person insist they smoke weed and drive because they know their body."

"Now imagine if someone openly said that about alcohol and how you'd react. It's a really dumb mentality to have."

"If anything I'd push for it to be illegalized ALONG WITH alcohol and cigarettes."

"But prohibition taught us that is not the way to go."

- SketchySketchist

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The Same Path As Alcohol

"I believe that if it was legalized, it would become a much bigger part in society, much like how alcohol is now."

"I do have a problem with public drinking and personally view alcohol as much worse compared to marijuana."

"However, since drinking is already so ingrained in our society, it's not like we can get rid of it. I'm just hoping that weed doesn't follow in the same path as alcohol."

- cheetahstr1ke

Giphy

Snake Oil

"Im so sick of all these CBD oil pyramid schemes popping up!"

"The testimonials are all, 'I broke my spine in half and had to get it surgically fused together. Now all I have to do is rub a drop of CBD on it, and the pain is gone!' "

"And I'm not against it, I actually use high grade CBD at night to help me sleep. I hate going through a rep though, they always try to hard sell me on topical CBD for my back pain that's like $80 for a little jar, or $30 bath bombs."

"I have discs squeezing out of my spine, I'm pretty sure a dab of hemp oil is gonna do jack shit for that."

"And the cancer patient abuse!"

"Smoking or ingesting edibles with THC for pain management and appetite is super helpful for cancer patients, but cbd won't do anything. Not to mention getting an ounce of good weed won't set you back much, but getting a tiny vial of cbd can set you back a couple hundred bucks."

"With our healthcare system in the states, we know damn well cancer patients are already in a hole of debt. I'm worried legalizing will encourage these CBD lies."

"It's the new snake oil."

- Caserious

"My MIL is that person. She's was touting its Indica strains ability to outright cure cancer the last I saw her."

- aledayis

"Cancer patients get hit very hard with the cannabis oil scams. What kind of evil sh*t do you need to be to take advantage of desperate people?"

- OutrageousLie

"I agree with you about people thinking it's the grand cure all, but that's why I feel we SHOULD legalize."

"The main reason I want it legalize is so they can do more research on the things it does help. It's effect on tremors alone is fascinating."

- Nerdtrance

Wasted

"Used to smoke weed every single day for nearly 3 years and used to be all for legislation."

"Managed to get off it a while back and looking back, I think that stuff f*cked my life up completely. I wasted thousands on it and dropped out of college because of it."

"Also I lost my job because I got too depressed because all I used to think about was smoking weed. I'd wake up every morning and the first thing I thought about was weed."

"That's the same with nearly everyone who smokes it. You're only lying to yourself if you say it's not."

"I would never go back to it now. My days of smoking weed are over. F*ck that shit."

"I'm not saying this will happen to everyone but I know a LOT of people that just sit all day every day and smoke weed and completely waste their lives."

"On the other hand I don't know anyone who is able to hold down a decent job and smoke every day and try and say they aren't dependent on it. It's actually really sad to see."

"I'm also from the UK. It would turn this place into a zombie land 100%."

"And yes this will probably get downvoted to oblivion by all the stoners. I woulda done the same 4 months ago."

"They are all addicted/dependent on it. I don't like using the word addicted when talking about green because I don't think you can really become physically addicted to it."

"You won't have withdrawal symptoms or anything if you go off it but you can definitely become dependent on it which is almost the same as addicted I guess."

"Addiction is always around the corner from dependency."

"It's when you stop smoking it and see how much better you can handle your life without it."

"Some people find it very difficult to give up even though they know it might be affecting their family life or money, they continue to do it. That's when it becomes a problem."

"If you're smoking marijuana every day it's already been proven to lower IQ levels. Also if you started smoking in your teens it's thought to alter brain development, but I believe there are still studies going on in that."

"Marijuana is becoming more potent than ever. The studies will come out in the next ten years, I would be VERY surprised if smoking potent marijuana every day isn't doing any adverse affects on your health."

- McGintySir

Father Of The Bride Money GIF Giphy

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The Actors Who Seemed Miscast But Absolutely Nailed The RoleFew people bought into the idea of Bryan Cranston in the role of Walter White before Breaking Bad...

She Robbed A Store

"Marijuana ruined my best friend's life."

"She was really smart, but she ended up being peer pressured into marijuana and robbed a convenience store with a deadly weapon."

"She ended up not being able to finish college. We don't talk anymore because she blamed it on me because I didn't stop her (I was about 150 miles away and in a different state when she told me she was about to rob it, so there was nothing I could do anyway.)"

- ilovewalnuts

"Wait, she got talked into robbing a store, then tried to blame YOU for her robbing that store because you 'didn't stop her' like people need to be told not to rob places with deadly weapons... and you still think the problem was the weed and not the friend?"

"kay."

- [Reddit]

things bob GIF Giphy

No Ambition

"In my own personal experience, everyone that I've known to smoke weed either tried it once and hated it or became dependent and would smoke multiple times a day. There was absolutely no middle ground."

"Becoming dependent on a substance for normal daily living is incredibly unhealthy. They would smoke before exams, smoke before going to work. Smoke before going to class."

"We've seen the affects of alcohol dependence, and yet it's perfectly legal."

"The spill over effects of legalizing marijuana would enable people who are already dependent on the drug to function in normally society, to not ever get any kind of substance abuse help. Why would they if they can walk to their nearest dispensary to buy more?"

"A girl I dated a few months ago was also heavily dependent."

"She told me straight up she has no ambition to actively pursue higher paying jobs because the one she was in at the time allowed her the flexibility to work from home and secretively smoke weed whenever she wanted."

"She worried that pursuing a higher paying higher responsibility job would hinder her ability to smoke weed when she wanted to."

"Again to reiterate, making marijuana legal only serves to reinforce the fact that these people engaging in these habits is okay because it's legal and they face no repercussions."

"Not to mention the act of smoking weed hinders everybody else around you not just yourself. If I want to have a beer while I'm playing video games, that doesn't bother my neighbor."

"If my neighbor wants to smoke weed while he's playing video games, now I and the other neighbors have to smell it and it stinks."

"Weed contains pollutants that can stain the area around you over time similar to cigarettes. Just look at what cigarettes do to people's houses after 40 years of smoking indoors."

- NotBen_2

Im Good Regina King GIF by Saturday Night Live Giphy

Let's Talk About Schedules

"I'm against decriminalization but not against legalization. Decriminalization allows it to still be used against people. Legalization is the way to go here."

"I say this as a Federal employee: The schedule needs to be re-evaluated."

"For those who doesn't know what that means, a drug's schedule (or danger level in layman's terms) is based upon the potential for abuse and it's apparent medical applications. Heroin, LSD, Ecstasy and marijuana are all schedule 1, at the top."

"Legally they have 'no currently accepted medical use' in the United States, a lack of accepted safety for use under medical supervision, and a high potential for abuse."

"Schedule 2 substances have a high potential for abuse which may lead to severe psychological or physical dependence and are mostly opioids: methadone, fentanyl, morphine, opium, adderall, Ritalin, codeine, etc."

"Schedule 3 substances have a potential for abuse less than substances in Schedules I or II and abuse may lead to moderate or low physical dependence or high psychological dependence and include anabolic steroids, ketamine, and Tylenol with codeine."

"Finally schedules 4 and 5 have things on descending scales of potential for abuse, and are things like valium and Xanax [4] and codeine containing cough syrups [5]."

"Okay, enough context, now back to marijuana."

"Schedule 1 means no currently accepted medical use. I think that right there should be challenged."

"Dozens of states have recognized marijuana as successful treatment protocols for a multitude of medical conditions. Studies from all over the world have shown decades worth of use for conditions including:"

"Alzheimer's disease"

"Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS)"

"HIV/AIDS"

"Cancer"

"Crohn's disease"

"Epilepsy and seizures"

"Glaucoma"

"Multiple sclerosis and muscle spasms"

"Severe and chronic pain"

"Severe nausea"

"Next, a schedule 1 drug means there is 'a lack of accepted safety for use under medical supervision.' "

"This is talking about the risk of overdose and dosage delivery. I have never heard of a single person dying from marijuana overdose. Nobody has. Doctors have been looking for it since the 1950's and it hasn't happened. So I challenge that."

"Finally: 'a high potential for abuse.' I have never seen anyone with a crippling marijuana addiction."

"Notice how neither cigarettes, alcohol, nor caffeine are mentioned anywhere. That is because they are not scheduled."

"And here we see the political underpinnings of how these substances are scheduled. Tobacco products come with horrible health related issues from the tar and nicotine in them, whether smoked or dipped."

"I would say that all 3 are more habit forming than marijuana. The health impacts are also more severe, whether you want to talk about abuse (DUIs, domestic incidents and fights while drunk) and the long term medical effects linked with them such as pneumonia, COPD, liver disease and high blood pressure along with a variety of cancers."

"If you look at the values relative to other substances, the logic behind the schedule falls apart. Mostly because there wasn't any logic to begin with. I won't get into details, but look up Harry J. Anslinger and what he said about WHY cannabis needed to be a federal issue."

"But let's think about what being Schedule 1 means."

"According to the government cannabis has no medical uses, it's more harmful than meth or fentanyl? It's more addictive than morphine? It's so dangerous it needs to be given under medical supervision or you can overdose?"

"None of that is true and everyone has always known that."

"As for why I am against decriminalization, here is the reason: its still illegal. It still becomes a charge for suspicion."

"This is changing in some places, but the old "I smelt marijuana in the car and had grounds to search the entire vehicle" and racial disparities of police justice have their roots."

"Also, I am a big fan of firearms. I'm a federal employee. If marijuana is only decriminalized, legally they can still say 'guns or pot, pick one, you cant have both or its a felony.' and 'yes its decriminalized but as a federal employee you still can't partake no matter how much it helps you.' "

"I've never consumed, but as a child it was done a lot around me in my household and friends homes. I grew up with responsible use so I'm well familiar with what that REALLY looks like."

- CannibalVegan

Independence Day Makes No Sense GIF by Paramount Network Giphy

So what have we really learned here? I'm not really certain.

Lots of people's reasons seemed under-informed, but just as many people had legitimate concerns.

Sure, those concerns could just as easily be applied to alcohol, but lots of Redditors admitted that and seemed to take LARGER issue with alcohol than cannabis. It was honestly difficult to find anyone (aside from the smell people) who was 100% against it.

And that, dear reader, is possibly the biggest takeaway from this. Attitudes are changing.

Sorry, D.A.R.E.—looks like we said yes to drugs. Well, cannabis at least.


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Old Wives' Tales People Still Believe For Some Reason

"Reddit user the_spring_goddess asked: 'What is an old wives tale that people still believe?'"

Close up of an owl tilting their head to side, looking bewildered
Photo by Josh Mills

The old wives' tales.

They are the stories of legend.

I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.

Where did they originate?

WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!

You don't hear about them as much anymore.

It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.

But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.

Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:

"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"

"Wait an hour to swim after eating."

What a crock!

So many summer hours wasted.

I want revenge for that one.

Say Nothing

Giphy

"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."

LonelyMail5115

"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."

I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA

Say Something

"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."

Severe_Airport1426

"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."

crappycurtains

"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."

AlbinoShavedGorilla

Body Temps

"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."

chriseo22

"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."

"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."

apocalypticradish

Arms Down

"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."

Fatmouse84

10 Years Actually

Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine Giphy

"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."

REDDIT

"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."

Gecko-911

I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.

This tale is haunting.

High/Low

Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace Giphy

"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."

LeastFormal9366

"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."

IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI

The Cursed

"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."

"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."

SmoreOfBabylon

Stay In

"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."

"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."

worldbound0514

Dreams and Facts

"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."

"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."

mattshonestreddit

"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."

Darthdemented

Cracked

Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office Giphy

"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."

Choice-Grapefruit-44

"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."

MacyTmcterry

I love my knuckles.

Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.