Relationships are a lot of work, and the very idea of them can be terrifying to some. Breakups hurt and starting a relationship is taking the chance of either finding the love of your life or having it all end in heartbreak.
A Reddit user who has since deleted their account asked:
Five years ago I was dating someone who I considered to be one of the best, most honest, truly good people I have ever met. We were supposed to get married. She left me abruptly, giving me neither warning nor reason for her departure.
It's hard to go back to dating after something like that. I find myself unable to trust anyone, after such a betrayal. I know this shit happens all the time, but this is my personal reason for being unable to date anyone for the past 5 years or so.
I don't think I've become scared of dating. It just feels like I'm such a weird and peculiar guy that I won't find anybody with the same interests or lifestyle as me. That, coupled with the fact that I've become so comfortable just being alone on my own that a relationship feels like just an unnecessary burden and that I don't really need one to be happy.
4 relationships 4 times "he's just a friend" turned out to be bullshit. The paranoia wasn't worth it so I just stopped giving a sh!t about dating and learned to enjoy being alone.
crippling abandoment issues and pretty bad depression. i don't wanna hurt anyone with my own emotions
I have a messy philosophy that I should be friends with someone before I could consider dating them. Then when I reach that point, I get too scared of losing what I've already built with them, so I just don't do anything.
Never really got to see my parents act like they wanted to be married or loved each other, they always just seem like roommates stuck in a house together. Don't want to get 20 years in and end up in the same situation.
The first girl i was ever interested in lead me on for 3 months and then emailed me saying she was joking the whole time so yeah screw getting my heart broken again. Then all my relationships lasted no more then a month.
To this day, I keep a video on my desktop Mac that I recorded years ago of an ex drunk and screaming at me and throwing things and pushing me...all because I wasn't comfortable sleeping in bed with her after an argument and was trying to sleep on the couch.
For the longest time after we broke up, I was worried she might try something crazy like claim abuse. I keep that video as evidence just in case.
Once while we were dating, I even caught her trying to find the video and delete it.
It's been so goddamn long. I'm 26 now and the last meaningful (if you can call it that) relationship I've had was at 18. She cheated with me, without my knowledge, on a close friend while he was at basic training. I've had one night stands and flings since that, but an actual relationship? No.
My ex wife lied and took everything I built for over 15 years. Everything. 5 years on and I am still recovering from the devastation she delivered unto my life. Emotionally, mentally and economically. Am I skittish of relationships? F yeah. I am NEVER getting married again. Date? yes. Relationships? Yeah. Marriage? No f-ing way.
I mean at a certain point the inevitable heart break and months of sadness and depression arn't worth chasing for a temporary high. Or the constant rejections just becomes not worth dealing with as it sours your perception of people and makes you feel like you have no value to offer.