It's fair to say future historians have their work cut out for them when they try to decipher exactly what went on with the internet of the early decades in the 21st century. Everything from the birth of social media to "memespeak" to whatever we were all doing with Tik Tok during quarantine will definitely many to reconsider their profession uncovering the past. What will stand out most, however, might be the transfer of internet attitudes to real-world actions.
The things we took off our computers, off our phones, that became real, will certainly raise a few eyelids in due time. For now, though, we can only hope people soon outgrow these kinds of toxic behaviors.
Reddit user, u/InsomniacNimrod, wanted to hear:
How Dare You Attack Caffeine?Giphy
Blaming your a--hole behavior on:
- a lack of caffeine
- the phases of the moon or the alignment of the planets/stars
Who You Are Online And Offline
Family members trying to maintain a certain "image" to project to the world. When my brother in law married 2 years ago, my husband's family was all about trying to please the bride and force the image that they were a nice and traditional family (my in laws have been divorced for years and it's far from friendly).
Everything had to be perfect to show everyone on social media outlets. They definitely didn't like me because I don't really play into the whole "be happy for the 'Gram" image. I was 9 months pregnant at their engagement party and was so uncomfortable being anywhere far from the hospital in case I went into labor. But I had to be there, otherwise it would be awkward to explain why my husband was there alone in the pictures.
Should Definitely Not Be An Insult Anymore
Calling people gay if they do something unusual or different.
This mostly happens at school and it really p-sses me off every time I see it happen to someone.
Don't Get On People For What They Want To Do
Well, I think one thing that is utterly stupid and is being normalized is making people believe in imaginary timelines of what their life must look like at 16 or 18 or 20 or 25. This is basically doing nothing but robbing people of their self confidence and pushing them off track or maybe in an endless spiral of depression.
We must understand the fact. When we buy an electronic item or even a cloth it comes with some instructions. None of us are born with any manual on "How to Live your Life". Therefore chuck the notion of comparing your lives with others. They did this, they have been to this country, they are earning this much, they bought this Car and blah blah blah blah.
A Different Belief Is Not An Attack On Your Belief
Attacking someone for a belief that differs from yours
And then justify by stating your personal points against that belief. As if your belief is superior.
Are You Talking Or Bragging?
Bragging about bad mental health.
If it will help in removing some of the stigma associated with mental illness, I'd probably be OK with it
Part of it removes the stigma, but part of it turns mental illness into a trend, a bludgeon with which to use against others, and a pissing contest. For every thoughtful internet discussion on mental illness I see, or for every person using humor to cope, I see 10 people excusing someone's bad behavior because "well they might have depression or anxiety." Or someone screaming over someone else because their diagnosis is greater than yours.
Not to mention the armchair diagnosing, and the fact that while some mental illnesses have been destigmatized to the point of being fashionable, others are still very much stigmatized and used as a flippant way to completely write off human beings.
On reddit, it's cool to have depression and anxiety, but NPD, BPD, and bipolar are just excuses to cut others down (in addition to being way overstated and armchair diagnosed. Your mom being a b-tch once in a while isn't indicative that she is "a narcissist" and needs to be involuntarily committed). There's also a lot of misinformation and old wives' tales circulated about the "acceptable" diagnoses, too.
It's One Moment In A Large Internet HistoryGiphy
Couple this with bandwagoning, and we have thousands upon thousands of strangers who would hunt people down over a questionable tweet, sending death threats and making them lose their jobs.
How pathetic and empty does someone's life have to be to send death threats over a f-cking tweet?
Do It Because It's Good, Not Because It'll Get You Points
Doing a small favour or good deed for someone, but recording it and posting it on multiple social media platforms. This type of behaviour has been a factor (one of many factors ) in me ending a couple of friendships.
Whatever happed to helping a little old lady cross the street without having a pathological need to display it to the whole world.
Understand Why You Say Things The Way You Do
Political correctness and idealism over realism/pragmatism. People are more interested in "sounding correct" than actually being logically correct these days. People are concerned how their statements will be received by "the tribe".
I can come up with a million stupid comments and posts that are nonsense but would get thousands of upvotes.
Just Go Check Yourself In Under A Bridge
Trolling. So trolling, which kinda came with meme culture, can be humorous and entertaining, but always at another persons expense. Which is like bullying in a way. I understand that it looks way more mild mannered in comparison, but it can be harmful. Any form of bullying can be harmful. And the internet is a catalyst for these types of things.
You don't see who you're interacting with and what's going on on the other side of that screen, how that person is being affected ya know? Trolling is the focal point of many memes and jokes nowadays, so people do it without even thinking about it. So it's super normalized to me.
You Have To Give People A Chance To Grow
Probably a lack of a chance for redemption. People can get fired for some one-time joke they tweeted 6 years earlier that got dug up once they were in the spotlight. They could have easily changed in those 6 years but their record is ruined permanently.
And then there are people who put their real picture on Reddit and set their real name as username, those people blow my mind.
To Worry About Everything Is To Worry About Nothing
Expecting everyone to be perfectly aware of every single thing that's happening in the world at once. Also, not being able to make mistakes.
Between school, work, working out, and trying to enjoy what little free time I have, I don't get to keep up with everything going on in the world - and people will give me sh-t like, "How do you not know this?" Sorry I don't spend every minute of my life on social media.
Exactly. Plus, not only is it absurd to expect people to know everything that's going on in the world, it's also unhealthy. The constant stream of bad news is awful for our mental health. Trying to keep up with everything is like a recipe for depression, really.
Start There. Move On Past It.Giphy
Using social media for information instead of doing research.
And the complete lack of backing down from bad information. The lack of apologizing or changing direction when you learn something new. People share falsifications, learn it was wrong information and do nothing...no apology, no clarification.
^By far and large, this.
Fact checking? Critical thinking? Straying from the echo chambers and flood of disinformation on social media?
"lol, this meme hit my trigger point, so I'm going to spread this as though it's fact. I don't really care if it is true or not, only that it matches my cognitive dissonance."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
- People Break Down Which Toxic Behaviors Are Still Considered Socially Acceptable - George Takei ›
- People Divulge Which Toxic Behaviors Are Becoming More Acceptable Now - George Takei ›
- People Explain Which Things Society Should Normalize - George Takei ›
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
TipsSeason 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.