The Absolute Worst Things People Have Overheard While Pretending To Be Asleep

Person asleep in bed
Photo by Andisheh A on Unsplash

There are few better methods of getting out of doing something than pretending to be asleep.

Needless to say, your friends and loved ones will most likely wake you up in the case of a genuine emergency.

Other times, however, if you're just not quite ready to play with your children, answer a question that can wait, or simply talk to anyone, pretending to be asleep is a fairly surefire way of avoiding all those things.

However, as with any sneaky maneuver, it has some downsides.

Namely, that you might overhear something someone else didn't want you to hear.

But since you were "asleep", they thought they could get away with saying it.

Making the probability of actually falling asleep a very difficult endeavor.

Redditor Da_Bugo was curious to hear the things people overheard when they pretended to be asleep that they wish they didn't, leading them to ask:
"What is the worst thing you've overheard while pretending to be asleep?"

Absolutely Nothing About This Makes Any Sense

"When I was a kid, I used to be scared of monsters or something creeping up on me in my sleep, so I would always ask my dad to check on me before he went to bed."

"It made me feel more comfortable."

"One night, I was still awake when I heard him coming up the stairs, and I wasn’t supposed to be awake and knew I would get in trouble if he saw me, so I pretended to be asleep."

"He came in to my room and just kinda stared at me for a few seconds, then came up close to my bed, lifted the blanket up, farted under it, turned around and left."

"It’s been at least 15 years and I remember that night vividly."

"He vehemently denies it to this day but I know what happened."- YaBoiStego

No Matter When Or Where, It's Never News You Want to Hear

"I heard the news my dad passed away pretending to sleep."

"I was 12 at the time, woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom."

"Headed to the kitchen to get some water after and saw my sister sitting on the couch."

"She asked if I could sleep out in the living room with her and I didn't think anything of it."

"Woke up the next morning and kept my eyes closed, I heard my mom telling my dad's best friend we lost him."

"I won't forget it."- weesstt

"I pretended to sleep through the doctor sitting at my kitchen table telling my dad he had stage 3 cancer."

"I was 9."

"He's totally fine now!"

"But it really sucked at the time."- slightlysarcastic75

Even If You Weren't Actually Asleep, Did He Not Worry About Waking Him Up?

"Freshman college roommate watching porn on his laptop wearing headphones, humping his mattress like there’s no tomorrow."- underpar86

Volume Up What GIF by Lillee JeanGiphy

Where On Earth Were The Parents?!?!

"Sleeping over at a friends house when I was 14, all of us on the floor in living room."

"Couldn’t sleep."

"Two of my friends, guy and girl, directly next to me start doing freaky things to each other."

"I was extremely shy and a couple of years younger than them so I stayed quiet and hoped they’d stop."

"Had to listen to them for an hour while she made weird a** moaning squeaky noises and he was singing (in a weird slightly whispery singy voice) matchbox 20 songs to her while he did whatever he was doing."

"That was last time I slept over at a friends house."- ashananon

Medical Miracle?

"That I was dying with Meningitis but jokes on the doctors I'm still kicking."- FeedBean6

What Happens In Vegas...

"My grandparents won $10,000 at the casino, and they told all of their children, and presumably gave them some of that money, except my dad."

"My dad is a d*ck so I didn’t tell him either."- 3-methylbutylacetate

Make It Rain Loop GIF by Chris TimmonsGiphy

Some Friends They Are...

"My 'friends' talking about going into my wallet later and stealing my money, and then leave before I notice."

"I kicked them out."- bodymeat_112

Caught In The Act

"My mom and I were sharing a hotel room on a trip and unfortunately only had one bed so we had to share that too."

"As I was trying to fall asleep, I kept hearing the text tone from my mom’s phone going off and her giggling."

"My parents hate each other so I knew it wasn’t my dad she was texting with."

"Curious, I opened my eyes just a little bit to see that she was flirting with other men while on a trip with her family and I was in fact staring at a d*ck pic."

"I couldn’t really go back to sleep after that."- MissMetalSix

Setting Such A Good Example...

"My older brother in the next room when he snuck a girl in."

"They had sex for about a minute and then I could hear him apologizing for about 20."

"May not be the worst ever, but it's definitely the funniest."- Sigurd93

Are They Really "Mates"?

"Probably the funniest was on a camping trip with the boys."

"I have sleep apnea and use a cpap machine."

"I overheard a couple of my mates talking about smoking a joint and hotboxing me through the air intake of my cpap machine."- anonymous_DoDoBeDoDo·

Never A Pleasant Sound

"Probably my dad's dementia screaming."

"Usually nothing is wrong, but he'll wake up at 4 or 5 in the morning to yell at God and grind his teeth."

"You never do get used to it."- PossibleStrength·

Seemed To Work Out For The Best?...

"Not me, but my wife heard her boyfriend having sex with her best friend."

"This was obviously long before we met."- TheDeadGunslinger

Mommie, Dearest...

"My mom and aunt talking, thinking 10-year-old me was asleep."

"Aunt, 'Little Runs_N_Goses is so cute'."

Mom: 'No, he's not very good-looking at all'."- Runs_N_Goses

Even if pretending you're asleep might save you from partaking in something you want to put off for as long as possible, for better or worse, it doesn't save you from hearing everything you are missing.

Which, in certain cases, might mean you have to face the music all over again.

Almost making you wish you were, in fact, asleep and it was all a dream.

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