Teachers Share Their Funniest 'That's Impressive But I'm Still Gonna Have To Punish You' Story

At any given time throughout their carer, teachers have had to put up with unruly young students.
As a mischievous knucklehead for constantly being disruptive due to my self-diagnosed attention deficit disorder, I was the cause of every teacher's headache during middle school.
One time, I said something vulgar during class and the teacher overheard me. I made no attempt in being discreet with my wisecrack, so it was not surprising that my voice carried.
This was a first, but my transgression managed to make my English teacher involuntarily chuckle.
He genuinely thought that what I said was a knee slapper, but he was disappointed in his visible reaction.
To my dismay, he sent me to the principal's office when I thought I was getting a get-out-jail card.
Knowing what educators went through in dealing with yahoos like me, I give them props for their patience, and I do regret being a distraction in the classroom.
We got to hear amusing anecdotes from teachers about students' antics when Redditor termitesinmydick asked:
"Teachers of reddit--What was your 'Oh f'k that's impressive but I still have to punish the kid' moment?"
A Dangerous Stunt
"First 6 months of teaching. Grade 8 English. Kid did a 360 on one leg of his chair. I was impressed but gave him a time-out because it was dangerous. Part of the requirement for time out was that students identify what got them sent out in the first place. 'I did a mad 360 on my chair but Miss said it wasn't safe.' I've still got that time out sheet on my desk 2.5 years later. Yes, Ethan, it was a mad 360. But it was still dangerous."
Total Nunsense
"I can't remember the question that was asked of my niece (about 6 at the time), but she stood up in the class and said 'Sister Bernadette's a b*tch' (sister as in a nun)."
"The teacher told my sister (normal sister, not a nun) that whilst she couldn't condone the behaviour, Sister Bernadette was in fact a total b*tch. They had a good laugh about it."
– sionnach
Where Is Jordan Now?
"It wasn't so much a single impressive event as it was just perfectly executed every time. This kid, Jordan, could teach a masterclass on Roasting his classmates. It was staggering how quickly he could rattle off an absolute shredded burn in response to something they said or did, and he did it in such a way that even the recipient would be in a state of awe at it. He was like an anti-hero who's primary weapon was incinerating people with words."
"Of course, as a teacher, I couldn't just let it happen and had to put on my poker face and write it up but there were some times where he'd roast some kid on something that was VERY valid. He'd say the type of thing that in any other environment where I wasn't having to lead by example, I'd just have to say, 'I mean, he's got you there.' Like I remember in one example, he basically called out this other kid for creeping on a girl in class. The exact wording escapes me, but he basically called him a peeping tom and it was 100% accurate. The class EXPLODED in laughter and this kid looked like he'd been hit in the head with a frying pan. Absolute stunner. It took all of my self-control to not burst out laughing too. And to top it all of, it never felt overly malicious. Like there was always this slight uptick in the delivery that softened the blow just enough that your immediate response wasn't anger."
"It was honestly not terribly surprising though because Jordan was also brilliantly talented as a writer and was exceptionally smart and witty. Roasting his classmates aside, he was very eloquent without it feeling performative or fake. I almost wish he'd been a worse writer so it'd have been easier to steer his creativity from roasting people into something else, but he had no shortage of mental real estate for both. I ended up losing track of him after I left, but I've no doubt that he's successful in whatever he's doing now. That, or he was just Loki in disguise."
The Joke Is On Him
"I had a classmate jump on the teachers computer and visit a website that would go full screen and make it seem like it was a Mac now instead of a PC. It was April's fools day and this was his prank. This was in like 2003, so security wasn't the conversation it is today. Anyway, he still got in trouble. The teacher got really angry and kind of yelled at him to sit down in the corner. She called in the vice principle, then the principle... then the on campus police office, and then when he was good and terrified; all four turned to him and said 'April Fools' and let let him off the hook. He got his punishment though. He was TERRIFIED."
– jdbrew
Mean Girls
"The first time I caught students cheating it was two 8th grade girls that had all of the same wrong answers on a vocabulary matching test. I pulled the girls aside after class to ask about it, and after some sheepish grins they both admitted that a third girl (their friend who was an A+ student) had fed them both incorrect answers on purpose. She screwed over her friends because she was pissed they were mooching!"
"For punishment, the first two girls got to keep their very poor test grades. The mastermind got 'your friends are mad at you' as her punishment. Natural consequences."
Violence In The Sandbox
"My husband used to work in after school care. One time he saw two kids starting to fight in the sandpit. He headed over to try to calm them down, but while he was on his way, one kid ran at the other, who just calmly flipped the first kid over his head like a textbook martial arts move. My husband said he had to stop himself from shouting 'Wow! Great job!'"
Probably Voted Most Popular
"A student in one of the schools I work at had as close to a full service bar and smoke shop set up in a couple of lockers as you can get. The lockers were located in a corner of the hallway that is easily obscured and difficult to monitor. The kid just slapped his own locks on there and nobody noticed."
"When he was caught, the lockers were found to have several makeshift shelves in them, and contained several bottles of hard liquor, some solo cups, and paper shot glasses in one of them. The other contained a backpack containing some drugga and various other drug paraphernalia for sale. The kid had quite the little enterprise going and god knows how much money he made before he got caught. I was shown pictures of what was in the locker, and I had to admit.....given what he had to work with, it was quite an impressive setup."
"Of course, I'm sure he was brought up on a significant number of charges.....but still, even the principal had to give him credit for the setup."
Phallic Fascination
"I'm an art teacher. Had a student submit his art book with a great variety of different d*ck drawings. One was an impressive 'concoction' of two cat heads as the testicles and a detailed 'furry' shaft. As is was assessment I had to ring his mother to let her know. Me: your son has handed in his assessment and it has penises drawn all over it Mother: I'm sorry you find my son's style of art offensive Me: personally I am not offended, however it does go against our school's graffiti policy."
"Edit: to clarify this was in a public school in Australia. Public schools have book policy rules and drawing giant dongs are classed under the graffiti policy on ALL property even the students own. And it is definitely a big no no on assessment - even art. The student was supposed to be creating a design for sculpture in the school, let's just say he had some interesting ideas."
Budding Salespeople
"My coworker and I discovered that one of our students was running an underground crime syndicate selling individual Icebreaker mints for 50 cents a pop. We agreed not to punish him or inform the administration, but we did confront him privately and told him he needed to stop before it got him in trouble. He had about a half dozen employees and was selling at every grade level by the time we put an end to it. Kid was a C student at best, but he's definitely going places."
– mgraunk
Everyone has their travel bucket list.
The list of places they absolutely must visit before they die.
There are those, however, who also have a rather different list of destinations.
The places that have no intention to visit.
Be it for safety concerns, language barriers, or simply that there's nothing at these places that calls to them, there are places some wouldn’t dream of spending the time and money to visit.
Redditor TrooperJohn was curious to hear which places were at the very bottom of the list of travel destinations for his fellow Redditors, leading them to ask:
"What is a popular tourist destination you have no interest in visiting?"
Oasis in the desert? No thank you.
"Dubai."
"Why and whats special about it?"
"Its a modern city in a desert."- Maximum_Calendar_791.
"Dubai."
"A fake city with fake people, no human rights, where the world's tallest buildings hide corruption and slavery in their shadows."
"It's like someone decided to take every problem of mankind and concentrate it in one spot."- PayNoNoticeOfMe.
"Dubai one i think it is ugly two I would die in two minutes of me being there I can't stand anything above 40 c°."- BookWormPerson.
One of the seven wonders is one too many for me.
"The pyramids. "
"Too many horror stories of Egypt."- Aemiom.
Landlocked.
"Not really a destination, but taking a cruise."- Shortbus_Playboy.
Mountains aren't really my thing.
"Everest."
"Just why."
"You use a bunch of money to get in there them come down."
"And trash your whole way there. It's literally a corner in the Earth insufferable for humans and we still made a way to go there to trash it."- ACLullaby.
It's in my own backyard... but still not interested.
"I have lived about 15km away from the Burj Khalifa ever since it was made."
"I could not care any less besides the occasional pointing out the 'shiny tall building' to my nieces.- legolosss.
The pictures are enough for me.
"Mount Rushmore."
"Friends who've made the journey to Mount Rushmore mostly say it was no big deal and not worth the effort or expense to travel there."- Back2Bach.
Hustle and Bustle? No thanks.
"Anything busy.'
"Whether it's cities, structures, I don't care."
"I'd rather go to a boring empty quiet place than a place full of people."- TheSmeep.
They're watching us.
"That creepy a** place in Japan with all the realistic dolls."
"No thank you."
Some dream of paying a visit to these places.
Others hope they never have to set foot there, and will choose to leave it to the other millions of tourists.
To each, their own.
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When it comes to electing a leader, the choice is an easy one if a potential candidate shares the same values as yours.
And while a candidate is fit to lead remains to be seen, we rely on our instinct to choose someone with whom we can relate.
But sometimes, our options are limited and we inevitably go with someone who is the lesser of two evils.
Curious to hear from strangers online about a hypothetical, Redditor Cashmeresquid2309 asked:
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for an openly Atheist presidential candidate? Why or why not?"

Redditors were quick to point out the answer was a no-brainer.
We Already Know The Answer
"Asking Reddit if they'd vote for an atheist..."
"I feel like the answer would be obvious."
– sarahmagoo
Sci-Fi Analogy
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for a Star Wars fan who heckin loves doggos?"
– WitnessChemical
For The Atheists In The Crowd
"Atheists of atheistville, would you vote for an open atheist?"
– nixcamic
Others weighed in with a range of opinions.
About 45
"What's funny is how many of them would probably say no, even though they voted for Trump and would do so again. Say whatever else you want about him, but I seriously can't understand how anyone could genuinely believe Trump is a Christian. He's so obviously faking it and is undoubtedly the most atheistic president we've ever had or are likely to have for a long time."
"This is a guy who's never even so much as read the Bible or attended church, who told a conservative radio host his favorite Bible verse was 'an eye for an eye', who told evangelical interviewers that he's never asked God for forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong, and who routinely commits all 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) without remorse."
– empfindsamkeit
From A Different Perspective
"Not an american but interestingly according to this survey on 1006 people from 2007, being atheist was the worst thing you could be as a candidate (of the things asked) with only 45 % of people saying they'd vote for one."
– ilovecatfish
An atheist candidate isn't necessarily a big strike.
Double Negative
"I wouldn’t not vote for someone just because they were atheist."
– HabitualEnthusiast
Credibility First
"This is it. If they’re running on platforms I support with a history to back up those campaign promises, I don’t care if they belong to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. They could literally be a member of the satanic temple and I, an actual practicing Christian, would give less shi*s than a constipated sloth."
"Edit: yes, I realize the Satanic Temple does not actually worship satan. I used it for that purpose. The Church of Satan has some…problematic views and I probably would not vote for someone who literally holds a platform of eugenics."
– Phoenix_of_Asclepius
Some view the role of religion in politics as important.
It Depends
"Religion can be relevant: I would have strong reservations about voting for a Scientologist, even if I agreed with the policies they proposed. I would have strong reservations voting for a member of an apocalyptic cult or, possibly worse, a follower of the (highly heretical) 'prosperity gospel,' which unfortunately includes more and more so-called 'evangelicals' — I didn't vote for George W. Bush, but it's not because he was an evangelical."
"It depends on the role: I'd probably be more flexible with a legislator than an executive (mayor, governor, president), as their character is IMO more important than for a legislator and their policy stances somewhat less important relative to a legislator."
"Satanic temple — well, that's just an organized group of atheists and humanists with an intentionally inflammatory choice of name. They're generally fine people."
– alyssasaccount
A Bad Rap
"The Satanic Temple is an excellent organization that every decent person should be able to respect. A Church of Satan member, not so much."
"There's a huge difference between them!"
– StarsEatArtBooks
And Redditor boganvegan said it best.
"Better an open atheist than a fake Christian."
It all boils down to trustworthiness. Without full transparency, how could anyone put their faith in a candidate who spews nothing but lies?
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Being home alone isn't always the most tranquil thing.
No one is there to help or protect you.
And things that go "bump" in the night... sometimes they do more than bump.
Redditor ag9910 wanted to hear about the times home felt like an unsafe place to be. They asked:
"What is the scariest, strangest, most unexplainable thing that has happened to you while home alone?"
I'm always freaked out when I'm home alone. Lights on. Yeah, my electric bill is high.
Dorothy?
"I dreamed the front door blew open at the exact time the house alarm went off... I hopped up and sure enough, the front door was open. No intruder."
fatowl
I See You
"Not home alone but only one in right side of the house. Went to my mom's bathroom to wash my hands and saw a pair of feet behind the half open door. Laughed and said 'very funny Ma, I see you.' then finished up and left. Bumped into my mother in the kitchen unpacking, nobody else was in the house. I'm glad whatever was behind the door didn't peek out."
SatanWithFur
“It’s Doug!”
"One night I had forgotten to lock my apartment door and woke up in the middle of the night. My bedroom door was about 2 feet from my front door, as you walked into the apartment. First a big dog ran by, then a person. Holy crap I was so scared and I screeched 'Who is it?!?!!'"
"A man said 'It’s Doug!' As I was thinking to myself, who the f**k is Doug, he said 'oh, crap.' He turned around to go back out the front door saying 'Sorry.' I asked 'Didn’t you have a dog with you?' He said 'Oh, yeah. Hey, c’mon!.' He left, his dog ran out after him and I locked my front door."
"Edit: glad you all thought this was funny, because I did too, once my heart quit trying to beat right out of my chest! The next day the girls at work thought I was crazy for not being upset, but eh, done is done. Peace!"
scarletohairy
Confused...
"My sister and I were home alone and we heard someone big running up the stairs. The stairs make lots of noise with slight pressure so when there’s someone big on them you can tell. I went out of my room to check but saw no one anywhere and my sister also came out of her room and she asked if that was me I said no and we both looked around to see if there was anyone but found no one in the whole house. We were confused and called our parents and just waited until they got back and that was that."
JtSudbury04
I See You
"I very clearly saw a guy walk into my room. But when I went after him there was nobody there. I checked in the closet, under my bed, everywhere one could hide in my room."
HighlyOffensive10
This is why home video surveillance is key.
"NO"
"My parents were on a road trip, just left, and I sat down at my desk. I thought 'Weekend alone by myself' and a voice yelled into my right ear 'NO' so loud it hurt."
Th4ab
Wild
"I managed to lock myself out of my house on my birthday during a tornado while trying to bring my cats to the basement for safety. I later found out that the tornado was approximately a couple miles or less from me at that exact time. The sky was green and it got weirdly calm and then I could hear what sounded like a train coming before I found an unlocked window to climb through. Wild times."
SilverGnarwhal
Saturday morning in the 80s...
"I wasn't home alone but I was awake by myself one Saturday morning in the 80s when I was around 7 or so. I believe my mom was the only one home because my dad went to the lake to go fishing that weekend, and I'm not sure where my older brothers were, maybe they went with him, idk."
"Anyways, my mom's sleeping in, and I'm in the living room by myself, watching Saturday morning cartoons and making a fort out of sheets and cushions. Something made me turn around and I saw my dad in his pajamas standing in the hallway entrance with his hands on his hips, looking the mess I was making and shaking his head."
"He then turned around and walked into my room, which was just off the hallway entrance. Dude. I didn't even look, I just booked it to my parents room and woke my mom up. I don't remember what happened after that, this was around 35 years ago. And yes, my dad was fine, nothing had happened to him."
smriversong
Get the Bat...
"I was at home by myself on a call with some friends when all of a sudden my dog begins to bark like crazy, which was odd since it was the middle of the night and he's usually sleep. I go downstairs to check on him and find him barking at our hall closet, terrified I grabbed my bat that I keep in my room just in case and open the door. There was nothing out of usual at first at then I look down and notice a familiar looking object at the bottom of the closet."
"It was my mom's necklace she had lost when I was 9, (i'm 15 now just to put in perspective how long it's been). I showed it to my mom at breakfast and she was just as shocked as I was. I still have no clue how it got there or how my dog knew it was in there, definitely one of the oddest occurrences of my life."
SomeRandomIdiot14
Meow
"Many years ago, I was 14 or so, my first night alone in the house when my parents were out. Lying on the living room floor reading, my cat sleeping next to me."
"Suddenly, cat wakes up, stares intently into the dark corner of the room behind me, hair on end, growls and then bolts out of the room and upstairs. I look behind me and see nothing, but follow cat upstairs and hide under the covers. Freaked me out."
LairdofWingHaven
Thank God for alarms. I hate being home alone.
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The human body is still such a mystery.
How much do we really know?
Not a lot apparently. We're learning more all the time.
And most of it is gross.
Redditor BathNo7713 wanted to discuss the ick factor of anatomy. So they asked:
"What is the most disturbing fact about the human body?"
The body freaks me out. But it's all I've got. So teach me some things.
Minutes...
"The fastest killing virus takes around 4 days to kill you. That would be Ebola. Your immune system can kill you in 15 minutes."
will477
'locked-in'
"If your brainstem (the part of the brain that mediates most motor control for all of the body) is damaged, you can get 'locked-in' syndrome. That means you're fully conscious and aware of your surroundings but unable to move or speak. The only muscles that remain unaffected in most people are the muscles that move they eyes and the eyelids."
"You're essentially trapped within your own body with your only way of communication being blinking or moving your eyes It can be caused by toxins, blockage of the basilar artery which is the main artery of the brainstem, or other brainstem damage."
4oodler
Explosions
"Some people suffer from Exploding Head Syndrome, which causes them to hear a loud bang when they wake up."
ToraMix19
"When I was younger I believe I experienced this a few times. Sounds I heard were: about a million people talking and laughing all at once, a train that irl would've been about a foot away from me based on the volume of the sound, and a door slamming loudly."
aliaisacreature
Pain
"Not sure if this is by design, but I totaled my car once, almost completely uninjured somehow. Then I looked down to my right hand which I remember jabbing into my dashboard at 55mph. Luckily (unluckily?) only my pinky took the blow. But instead of a floppy-udder full of bone-sand, my pinky was 0.5 inches long."
"Broke no bones, but instead perfectly stacked my phalanges, or finger bones, INTO my hand. This is fixed by a muscular Russian murse grabbing your pinky with both hands and pulling very hard. God I wish they gave me more lidocaine."
TelevisionOlympics
Functions
"If you have a surgery where they need to move your organs around they might not function for a day as the body assumes that they are dead."
tonythebutcher13
Move things around? You mean that's not fake when it happens on "Grey's Anatomy?"
"The only reason you are not aware of it is because the ambient noise kind of drowns it out because your ears focus on it. If you go to one of those super-silent rooms that absorb all sorts of sounds, it is a really weird way to reacquaint yourself with your body."
Black_Handkerchief
The Mouth
"Idk about the most disturbing but how bad human teeth are. We’d think it’s our sugary and processed diets these days that cause it, but even Otzi the iceman discovered in Italy was found to have terrible teeth, mouth diseases and cavities. It’s odd that even with the most basic of diets our teeth are so bad."
Dorianisconfused
In the bowels...
"I noticed this after my abdominal surgery. When I turned over in bed my guts seemed to fall from one side to the other. Mentioned to my doc and she confirmed it was my bowels rearranging themselves."
squatter_
"Apparently the doctor just throws your intestines back in there higgeldy-piggeldy because there isn't a correct way to pack them neatly."
LostDesigner9
A Quick Burst
"There are a vast number of ways that your body can malfunction and kill you with little or no warning. An aneurysm can go undetected until it bursts and kills you. Getting hit in the chest just the right way can stop your heart. You can encounter an allergen that never previously provoked an immune response that freaks out your body so badly that you die. You literally just never know if your body will just... die."
Unsolicited_Spiders
The body is such a conundrum. Sexy and gross all at once.
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