Reddit user Spunkybluepuppy asked:
"What’s something you wish you could ask trans people without any judgement?"
Curiosity isn't a good enough reason to treat a random stranger like a science experiment - but there are plenty of people willing to talk openly about their experiences - and they're the real heros of this thread.
Stopping Cycles
period yes GIF by U by Kotex BrandGiphy"Do periods go away when you start T? Is there a way to get rid of them without surgery?"
- Human_Indeed_
"For some folks, yes, for some folks no."
"Some IUDs can stop periods, like mirena, or for some taking birth control without the sugar pill week can stop periods."
"For transmasculine folks The most reliable way to get rid of periods is by having a full hysterectomy with oophorectomy , which also helps reduce the amount of estrogen in the body."
- TananaramaRex
"My period stopped after two months on T. My friends' stopped after he had been on T a bit longer, not certain of the exact number. But both of us had a last period that was a real b*tch. Worst cramps ever! I'm glad I'm done with it now! 😂"
- spacedustyy
"Yes, my cycle ended about 6 months into T."
- bananaflavored2
Size
"Do you get to choose a size?"
- AlexArtsHere
"For trans guys, it depends on how much skin they can safely graft, I think. But after the maximum is established, yep."
- gayshouldbecanon
"NB transmasc here, MtF wife So for masculine bottom surgery:"
"It really depends on a lot of things. First HRT will grow your clitorus, this averages 1-4cm of growth, some surgeons require either a certain amount of time on HRT/ certain amount of tissue. So from here there are 2 commonly surgical options, each have their own pros and cons and have different methods of being done : 1- metoidioplasty, sometimes referred to as a Meta 2- Phalloplasty sometimes called a phallo. Either can have urethral lengthening, some surgeons will require one depending on the surgery. An issue with urethral lengthening is that the urethra can become blocked/collapse which is obviously no fun. Scrotoplastys are also common to also have done, usually that's done in 2 surgeries where they create the scrotum and then add testicle implants later."
"For a meta what is happening is the ligaments that hold the clitoris to the body get cut and released from the pubis, giving you more shaft. 4-6cm is average length. It will basically look like a small penis. Benefit of it is it can get erect without further surgery. You will likely have more sensation compared to a phalloplasty. You also don't have a giant penis 24/7. Depending on length you may or may not have issues standing to pee."
"For a phallo there's usually multiple stages to the surgery. If you have a meta you can still get a phallo in the future but not vice-versa. So you'll have a donor site, either your arm or you thigh is pretty common, you'll get some say in length but it really depends on how much tissue they can use and the goal is generally average size. They cannot become erect on their own. You have to get an implant for that which is an extra surgery and more money on top of the money you've already spent to get a phallo. Because the tissue is donor tissue taken from other parts you won't have as much sensation if any. Some say they never get sensation to the shaft, some do get some sensation to the shaft. The lack of sensation can actually be problematic during healing because you can't feel if you accidentally bump your penis into something. And with a phallo it will always be full length as it can't deflate like a cis-penis would."
"For transfeminine bottom surgery: So there are a few different ways to make a neovagina. A common way is by taking the penile tissue and inverting it, so the length here varies based on how much tissue. Another procedure uses rectal tissue, the benefit here is that is has some self lubricating capabilities, unlike with penile inversion. Though due to risk factors it's less commonly done. Another surgery involves taking peritoneal tissue from the abdomen to create the vagina. This is a newer surgery for transgender women even though it's a surgery that has been used on cis-women for decades. It also has the benefits of self lubrication and having a stretchier vagina compared to penis inversion. Length here varies quite a bit on what tissue is available for use. Most surgeons operate with the goal of length of cis vagina when aroused. Though some will result in a short vagina. Dilating the vagina after surgery and for years afterwards will help maintain depth overtime. Anecdotally I've heard of dilation once you're past recovery stage to only be necessary if you aren't sexually active and it can depend on the type of surgery you received."
"Edit: I came here from a trans sub honestly expecting the worst and was pleasantly surprised. Thanks for the really great questions. It was fun to spend some time answering questions. I think there really isn't enough good conversation on trans topics. The people who are the loudest on trans topics are generally the ones who are not transgender, incredibly misinformed, and do not care to listen to other points of view or scientific information. So I really hope there were some good conversations that might have brought issues to people's attention/ broadened the understanding of what being transgender is. Anyways, have a great rest of your day! If you comment a follow up question to my comment I will do my best to answer if possible. :)"
- Ahtnamas555
Most Manly Experience
Thats It Season 7 GIF by One ChicagoGiphy"Trans men… do you realize the manliest experience you’re having is being told you’re not a man?"
"That’s like 60% of being a man."
- VernonDangerfield
"This was hilarious and validating thank you"
- hoddy-Ad-1746
"You know what's the crazy thing? I've always been bullied for being a girl. Decades later I come out as a girl and now the same 'manly men' tell me I'm a man. Like make up your mind! JEEZ!"
- EmilyFara
Sitting
"Does sitting down feel different after you get bottom surgery"
- Foursiide
"At least for this one trans woman, Sitting down the three months after bottom surgery is a b*tch. You're still recovering and all the irritated flesh is very painful."
"Then eventually sitting down is the same except for the fact that I no longer have my privates in the way."
"However for me personally, when I sit down my belly button feels weird because my nerve endings regrew incorrectly."
- Dungeons-n-Dysphoria
"Over a year post-op, and it feels way more natural & easy. There's no extraneous crap between my legs any more, and I can sit like a degenerate bisexual much more easily now."
- loveablehydralisk
Sensation
"Is it still possible for a person to have an orgasm after reassignment surgery? Not a doctor, but my understanding of the process of creating the genitalia (F-M or M-F) would seem to make that prospect incredibly dim."
"The sheer number of nerve endings in the clitoris and tip of the penis make it seem impossible enough survive the surgery to provide the same sensations"
- Gritsandgasoline
"My surgeon uses a technique that leaves the neurovascular bundle fully intact, the tip of the penis just gets reduced in size to form a neo-clitoris. I had my first orgasm 34 days after surgery and the intensity is pretty much as before, I just can have longer ones now."
- LegitimateNothing
"To add to what many people are saying here... there is a risk of losing sexual sensation after surgical intervention. We all know it. Before surgical intervention is performed, that risk will be made explicitly clear to the patient, they will have to acknowledge that it is a risk, and confirm, often in writing, that it is an acceptable risk, and that they are prepared for that outcome."
"It is, however, considered an unintended side effect these days... something that decent surgeon will be able to avoid almost all of the time."
- ConnectionIssues
Just A Phase
"Is there any part of you that is genuinely worried that it is 'just a phase'?"
- The-Ginger-Lily
"Yeah. That's why it took me over 10 years to accept it and begin my transition"
- phoenixdro
"Yes. Most if not all trans folk wonder this at some point, this is why a lot of us are depressed."
- Tyleos
"Yep! I think that’s fairly normal with any identity tbh. It’s annoying because rationally I know that I have dysphoria and prefer certain pronouns but my irrational brain is really good at making me second guess myself"
- Spaghetti0s67
Functions
studying busy philipps GIF by Drunk HistoryGiphy"If you’re transitioning MtF and are on hormone replacement therapy but haven’t had bottom surgery yet,"
"1) does the penis shrink up and become unusable?"
"2) can you still have penetrative sex (penis in vagina)?"
"3) can you get someone pregnant via question 2?
"I’m a cisgender woman and am genuinely just curious"
- Eppengu
"1: It varies! Some people retain full size, some people shrink. The jury is out even among the community on if you can control it, and to what extent. 2: Yes! 3: Yep! Fertility is generally harmed by hormones, but not always completely gone."
- ohdearamistake
"I am talking purely from personal experience."
"1)yes it does, but primarily when soft, you lose random erections which work as bodily check if your penis is healthy, which means it's recommended to get it erect every so often so the muscles don't atrophy, which could lead into it being unsuable."
"2)If I wanted then yes."
"3)Possibly...The funtioning sperm count heavily decreases on hormones, but that doesn't mean all of it does. Usually it's recomended to freeze your sperm before taking hormones. Still wouldn't count on it as 100% save from getting someone pregnant."
- NotElise0
"This actually hasn't been studied systematically in trans women very extensively (there are huuuuge gaps in the medical literature), buuuuut there are cis men who get testicular cancer and can't go on testosterone replacement (like, their tumors were hormone sensitive, so it's risky to go on T again), and we know a fair lot about them. Since testosterone is what mediates penile response, what applies to them seems to apply to trans women who are either pre- or non-op. Thus, to answer your questions:"
"1)It's not that simple. When you nuke testosterone, some people lose the ability to have erections, but most retain it to some degree. What disappears is nocturnal erections--ie morning wood--and the biological function of that is to exercise the skin, vascular contractions, and so forth of the phallus. Unless you work the phallus out, you'll lose size and function, but if you use it regularly, it seems to stay just fine, according to the literature."
"2)Why wouldn't you be able to? Many girls don't want to, because it makes them feel dysphoric, but those who do can. Some need help from cialis or viagra, but that's not exactly a big deal."
"3)HRT has major effects on fertility, radically reducing the likelihood. However, 24% of girls with testes on HRT still produce some amount, albeit small, of sperm even years and years into transition. So, yes! HRT is NOT birth control."
- Not_Han_Solo
Addressing Name
"I work in medicine. Often times it can be apparent that someone may be transitioning, but it’s never right to assume anything about anyone."
"I’ll usually see their given name before I meet them, and it’s standard practice to have a pt confirm with their legal name and dob."
"What do you think is the best way of being asked if you have a preferred first name other than what is 'legal' in that situation?"
"I usually stumble with something like 'Hi I’m looking for John Doe is that you? Nice to meet you, is John okay or do you go by another name?' "
"But it always feels clunky."
"Looking for advice."
"EDIT: My main clinical setting is an urban hospital in a large network of hospitals. This makes any change to charting/intake very well out of my reach, unfortunately. It is a discussion that I hope continues to climb to the administrators."
- ThatRoombaThough
"I don't know if this was to avoid using my birth name (most likely it was) but I've had doctors use just the surname when calling me and then confirming by asking for my birth date or ID."
- Eireann_9
"the way you say that is perfect, i don't think there's a better way to do it. big ups for actually asking, way too few people do that!"
- punsexual-disaster
"love that! you can still say that, if you don't want them to assume you thought they weren't cis (some people may feel discomfort from that) you can say its because some people don't like their name or go by a nickname they use as a first name (you can make up a person in your life, if you want to add in small talk, for example, both my parents don't use their legal names simply because they're too used to what friends and family have been calling them)"
- Rabbtwig
Learning
"These answers are the dialogue that's missing right now."
"After years of trying to understand, I finally feel like I get it. Thank you all for educating and enlightening! Media dialogue seems elusive and circular - these answers made clear sense and I feel like I learned something."
"Thank you!"
- ShareReportSaveFollow
"No- thank you. This comment made my day, aside from this post going viral. I’m so glad that you showed and interest and even happier that you learned something after years of trying to understand!"
- Spunkybluepuppy
"It’s been really nice to talk about it without pushback for the most part. I feel like education is what’s needed for it to be understood without malice."
- Psychoticsleep
"Media dialogue on trans people not being very helpful to understanding trans issues is very much by design - media has grown increasingly hostile to trans people in recent years."
- ihileath
"thanks for reading and learning :))"
- yeahitspostingtime
When people are willing and able to freely talk about their experiences, we can all learn a lot from one another.
De Jager explained her journey to her audience in the video below.
I'm Coming Out.www.youtube.com
She began:
"Today I am here to share with you something that I always wanted to share with you one day, but under my own circumstances. It looks like that chance has been taken away from me so today I am taking back my own power."
By the time de Jager was 6, she already knew she was ready to start taking steps to transition.
"By the age of 6, I grew my hair out. ... By the age of 7 or 8, I fully wore girls' clothes only and it felt amazing."
@NikkieTutorials Cis female here. Due to flukes in my design I cant have children. Ive been assured by many that it… https://t.co/KJhKRpiv6z— CelestialSpider (@CelestialSpider) 1578946176
@NikkieTutorials so proud of you Nikkie <3— YouTube (@YouTube) 1579027235
NikkieTutorials coming out as trans is a big moment for trans people. She's someone that cis women of all political… https://t.co/Es71eqOXbG— Erin, Trail Mom (@Erin, Trail Mom) 1579014395
Sadly, de Jager explained why the chance for her to come out was "taken" from her:
"I have been blackmailed by people that wanted to leak my story to the press....I've always wanted to share this."
I love you @NikkieTutorials ❤️❤️❤️ https://t.co/wYim9PLjVm— V△LKY BARLOW (@V△LKY BARLOW) 1578984516
When the name of the person who was blackmailing Nikkietutorials finally gets dropped https://t.co/Cp46PW7v0e— Department of Just-Ass (@Department of Just-Ass) 1578999851
to whoever blackmailed nikkietutorials.. you tried it https://t.co/prw9GLXKOE— LAPP (@LAPP) 1578996027
Me finding out nikkietutorials is trans and then me finding out someone tried to blackmail her into coming out https://t.co/lvj0vBBlSs— ❄ Local Plague Dr ❄ (@❄ Local Plague Dr ❄) 1579005155
The way she told her blackmailers to shove it is so ICONIC. Proud of @NikkieTutorials for taking her power back. https://t.co/Trfdlo0Vi1— ♡ (@♡) 1579005600
Many of Nikkie's fans had no idea she was a trans woman...
At first I thought Nikkie was coming out as a trans man like Trisha paytas but she's a trans woman omg 😍 proud— Sam Avery 👑 (@Sam Avery 👑) 1578948785
Nikkie: I’m coming out Me: Oh cool she’s bi? lesbian? ... wait I thought she was engaged? Nikkie: I’m transgender… https://t.co/j0W2n1f4kU— L💜 (@L💜) 1578954947
...but that didn't affect their support for her...
.@NikkieTutorials is number one on trending as she should be 👏🏻 https://t.co/2kaQnXYlci— Dustin Dailey (@Dustin Dailey) 1578987420
...or their ire for the people who threatened her.
Me after watching nikkietutorials coming out video https://t.co/4eWC5hl2Jk https://t.co/TBr2prWVrX— traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns (@traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns) 1579000983
The overwhelming support of Nikkie has far outweighed the negativity.
All her stans made it clear that blackmail was a completely unacceptable way for her to be scared into coming out.
I don’t wanna hear “I never would’ve guessed Nikkie Tutorials is trans! I’m shook!” I wanna hear “who the fuck thre… https://t.co/GhRbZ0OuRu— don’t worry, darling (@don’t worry, darling) 1578944753
@KatiePepperoni/Twitter
nikkie tutorials was just forced to come out as trans due to blackmail... cis people are literally weaponizing our… https://t.co/P3AiPdwCha— sofie halili (@sofie halili) 1578948225
@remembersolo/Twitter
The decision to come out is an individual choice for many reasons, including the safety of the person. Forcing someone to come out is a despicable attack against the person being targeted.
Nikkie de Jager has not revealed the identity of those who threatened her.
Yet.
The show's host, Francine Fosdick, recently held a prayer call during the show. About halfway through, she turned the call over to an intercessor, a person designated to pray on another's behalf, identified as Jamie.
Jamie proceeded to pray to God for President Barack Obama to be "exposed" as having been "involved in child trafficking" and for it to be revealed that his wife is transgender, among other less than neighborly requests.
"I am asking you, Father, that the general public would see all of the stealing and all of the dirty things that Obama has been involved in."
"How did he get this $15 million home in Martha's Vineyard? Father Lord, I'm thanking you that every bit of money laundering, that he is involved in child trafficking, all of that would be exposed."
"Father, I thank you for exposing all of the corrupt book deals, not only Obama's, but Joe Biden's, Michelle's."
"And speaking of Michelle, today ABC just had an article saying that she's been named the most admired woman in the world for the second year in a row."
"Father, I am asking you that whatever plan they have to have Michelle or Hillary [Clinton] run for president, we call that canceled in Jesus' name."
"And I am asking you Father that the true identity of Michelle—Michael—would be exposed. Father, I am asking you that that whole family, that those children—they are not their children, they're the children of Obama's best friend—Father, we ask you that that whole lie would be exposed for the everyday person to see it, in Jesus' name."
Conspiracy theorist and Infowars host Alex Jones has been spreading this idea that Obama is trans for a while—with predictably ridiculous results.
Jones published a 12 minute video clip of himself criticizing photos and videos of Michelle and Barack. In the clip, Jones cited her "very wide shoulders" and "very masculine" face as supposed evidence.
He also played clips of Barack saying the name Michael and claimed that this was proof that Michelle was once called Michael, despite the fact that there is no way to know from the clips who he was actually referring to.
The video also featured a racist and otherwise problematic cartoon at the beginning of the clip which compares caricatures of Michelle Obama and Melania Trump.
Jones claimed:
"This is a funny cartoon. It's not racist to say she looks like a man."
Black women have long been the targets of accusations that they are too masculine, those racist claims are not a new concept.
Jones went on to make inappropriate comments about Michelle's genitalia and claimed that he'd "had doctors on about this."
In true Infowars fashion, Jones couldn't leave it at that, though.
No, he had to up the ante.
"I'm sorry, it's true. It's a giant viral video phenomenon for like eight years that she's a man. All I know is, Obama was raised by a tr***y in Indonesia. They're into all sorts of stuff."
"I think it's all an arranged marriage, it's all fake. It's all just a big sick joke because [Barack] is obsessed with transgender [sic]. It's like some weird cult or something."
This is far from the first time Jones and Infowars have targeted the Obamas with their conspiracies. Jones is also an advocate for the "Birther" conspiracy theory, which posits that President Obama was not born in the United States, despite the fact that his birth certificate clearly shows he was born in Hawaii.
All of this vitriol clearly misses the fact that being trans isn't a bad thing. It shouldn't be seen as an scandal—and to be clear, Jones and the like were almost certainly trying to insult Michelle—to be trans.
Any people were having none of it.
Michelle Obama happens to be one of the most beautiful women in the world. That's not because she's cis - trans wom… https://t.co/RkEZMrxf0b— Sheryl Ring 🌹🌈⚾️ ✡️💄⚖️ (@Sheryl Ring 🌹🌈⚾️ ✡️💄⚖️) 1578759132.0
The evangelicals aren't praying for peace in the middle east or for the people of Puerto Rico. No, because that wou… https://t.co/3F3kfVzBXb— Eleanor McDonough (@Eleanor McDonough) 1578746678.0
If god exists, he's gonna have a weird one once he checks his e-mails. https://t.co/dRLVFFtvMB— Gregor Schwayer (@Gregor Schwayer) 1578780387.0
So far these right wing Christians think - Michelle Obama - Megan Fox - Kim Kardashian - Jessica Simpson - Sandra… https://t.co/rLk1doDHe1— Kellylicious (@Kellylicious) 1578697569.0
So no, Michelle Obama is not a trans woman, but what would be the problem if she were?
The book Why I Still Believe: A Former Atheist's Reckoning with the Bad Reputation Christians Give a Good God is available here.
So when the chance to join the film cast came up, she jumped at it. Dame Judi was cast as Old Deuteronomy, the leader and elder cat of the tribe.
Up until her, the role has been played by a man. It is written as a male cat in the musical's books and materials.
Not a problem for Dame Judi, though. In a recent press junket with Out magazine she explained that, as far as she was concerned, her version of Old Deuteronomy is trans.
"I kind of call it 'trans Deuteronomy,' is the part for me, you know."
It's definitely an unexpected take on the role, as most people had no problems imagining the leader of a walking, talking, dancing clan of cats could be a cis female like Judi. There's nothing in the role that specifically requires Deuteronomy to be male.
Still, it's just another strange turn in the story of this widely-panned adaptation.
It's been a box office disaster with countless reviews about how strange, impossible to follow and overall bonkers it is. It's caused people to obsess over Jason Derulo's package.
The cgi has people creeped out. It's been such a dumpster fire that Universal Studios is re-releasing it with updated graphics to address complaints.
Considering everything that's already happened, "Trans Deuteronomy" is hardly surprising people.
But that doesn't mean they're happy about it.
Nope. You stop that nonsense right now. Your movie bombed and you're not going to get us involved in this business. https://t.co/EopNLI9Avd— Katelyn Burns (@Katelyn Burns) 1577100417
Give a white woman an inch...I love Judi Dench but the movie tanked and you ain't finna use marginalized folks to s… https://t.co/3nl8l9pzfO— MODERNA MOSS (@MODERNA MOSS) 1577163705
'I wish we had more trans characters in film' >monkey's paw clenches into a fist https://t.co/9Jss8k01KT— Lone (@Lone) 1577116760
i have yet to see cats but can still say with confidence that it is the one movie which should have absolutely zero… https://t.co/YvwNcGeX8Q— i n n e s (@i n n e s) 1577100222
Hey trans person here and in think i can call it: were good on allies please stop this https://t.co/VPvNZARj0o— bucca di meggo (@bucca di meggo) 1577116340
Just in time to complicate any meaningful discourse at your family gatherings... https://t.co/EgEgAXFlHb— Brown Anthony™ (@Brown Anthony™) 1577114661
The parade of absurdity surrounding this movie continues and I cannot get enough, please let it go on forever! https://t.co/OCN9ZlvECE— 🄱🄰🄲🄺 🅃🄾 🄱🅁🅄🄽🄲🄷 (@🄱🄰🄲🄺 🅃🄾 🄱🅁🅄🄽🄲🄷) 1577118771
don't drag us down with you judi https://t.co/yATCdDP6DO— Girldick van Dyke (@Girldick van Dyke) 1577101264
Nope Nope Nope. Your movie was an unfinished mess and youre not saving it with trans-baiting. Cut that out. https://t.co/pT2MyOP3JC— ChaoticAyana (@ChaoticAyana) 1577111596
So let's give it to you long-story-short.
Pretty much this happened.
World: "Hey so this movie is gloriously terrible for reasons we will now list."
Judi: "Well my character is trans. Please talk about that and not all that other stuff."
Trans community: "Thanks, we hate it."
Given the film's track record, we doubt this is the last weird thing we'll hear about it.
Can't wait.
