The Clever One First

What's on the gay agenda for today?

GaryNOVA

For the lesbians, today is gardening and obsessing over hot female actresses.

I mean we do that every day but whatever.

Erin_Howard-Boleyn

After polling my friends the answer seems to be animal crossing

magic_luver101

Take Note, Straights!

What are the creepy or offensive things things that well-meaning non-lgbt people say?

DiligentShopping

The question "so which one is the girl and which one is the guy" is pretty offensive. We are not trying to fit ourselves in a straight mold. Were both girls/ were both guys. It's like the whole point.

Asking whose on top can be pretty intrusive if you don't know them well.

Asking a trans person their birth name or what's in their pants is super rude.

l_a_z_y_b_u_g

Hetlag

Are there "straight jokes"? Straight people use jokes about being gay all the time, especially guys.

PlasticStain

I don't think it's the case for everybody but one of my group of friends is like 80% LGBT+ people and YES. So many jokes and puns about straight/cis people. But none of them are insults and I never heard a violent joke about straight people.

We DEFINILTY have jokes about the straights™ though. Like about heterophobia or straight pride.

thelastmoth

This Is A Good Perspective, Listen Up

I'm not straight but I've always wanted to ask a trans person what they mean when they say they "feel like a man/woman". I guess it's probably not entirely tangible but I've always found it intriguing.

CentrifugalFarts69

Imagine waking up every day of your life feeling like something's wrong. You're perfectly healthy, your life is great, but there's something wrong. You just don't know what.

The feeling gets worse when you look at yourself in a mirror, or see your body. It gets even worse when puberty starts and you watch your body change and you hate it, but you don't know why. There's just something wrong.

The feeling sometimes gets better when you look at people of the opposite sex (for me, girls). Sometimes, it gets worse and you get frustrated for no reason. Maybe you have a crush on one of those girls. Maybe you just want some attention from them. But then, if you had a crush on one of them, there would be some happiness. There just isn't. Never. Your life is great but you're miserable and you can't figure out why.

Then one day a random thought occurs. I wish I were a girl. Then you understand what was wrong with you all your life.

The way I experienced it, it's a mix of discomfort, longing, and envy. I wasn't comfortable with my body (mind you, I had an awful life, which is why I didn't explore these issues until I gained some control over it in my early 20s) because I was male. I was hoping something would change without really knowing what. I envied girls simply for being girls.

This might be controversial, but I wouldn't say I "feel" like a woman. I'm a woman. Just not physically, alas. Even now after successfully transitioning, I'm aware that I'm still biologically male. It still bothers me. But I can live my life as a woman and that's a massive weight off of my shoulders. I can look at my body or into a mirror. I wake up in the morning without that residual feeling that something is wrong. I am no longer miserable.

Identity is a difficult question and everyone has their own perception of it. I don't think you'll ever get a definite answer on your question. The best you can get is a variety of testimonials and personal experiences, few of which you will resonate with.

BetelgeuseFox

Moms Trying To Be Better

What do (or did) you need from your mom?

(Mom of a trans teenager. I do my best to support him, and want to learn to do better)

insertcaffeine

The most important thing is to affirm his identity. Use his new name and pronouns. Making mistakes is okay, but work on it.

Otherwise, help him protect himself. There is a ton of hate directed at transgender teens, and someone of his age isn't going to have the emotional maturity to deal with it all. Whenever someone wants to deny who he is, have his back.

If he hasn't started puberty blockers yet, it's 100% worth it. Puberty blockers now means no mastectomy later. And if he changes his mind later (he probably won't) they're mostly reversible.

karry9001

It's Common Because Women Are Nice

How come it's common for a gay man to befriend straight women but it's uncommon for a lesbian to befriend straight men?

sirjunkinthetrunk

I'm gay and my sister a lesbian. My female friends have never requested to watch my husband and I have sex. Straight men are always asking my sister if they can watch my sister and her wife have sex. there's your answer.

Horrorwriterme

Your First Gay Movie

I've been fortunate enough to have quite a few close friends who were gay in my lifetime, so I've got no "how do things work" kind of questions that haven't been answered.

However, one of my favorites that I always ask when we're in the process of becoming friends... If you're around my age (mid-30's), and a gay guy, did you first realize you might be gay when watching the volley ball scene in Top Gun? And if not, why are you lying to me about when you first realized you were gay?

PlasticStain

I remember a reading an interview with John Cryer about Duckie in Pretty in Pink. And he was saying how people would come up to him and thank him because that's how they realized they were in the closet.

And he said he was kind of shocked because he didn't realize Duckie was closeted, but when he mentioned it to the other cast they all knew.

So, of course, that's when I first realized that Duckie was gay in that movie.

RodamusLong

Beep Boop

How does "gaydar" work? How reliable is it?

NeedsMoreTuba

Gaydar is just that... Recognizing that someone is likely to be LGBTQ. It can be based on any number of things - mannerisms, hair and clothes, subtle references and symbols that might not obvious to people who aren't "in the know," etc.

As to efficacy? Moderate? But there are also some false positives - people who are assumed to be LGBT but aren't.

justanothersocalgirl

The Gays.  They're Everywhere.

What did you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?

Orual309

There are so many more gay people in this world than statistics shows, because may people are either still in the closet or don't come out as gay on any form of census.

Gods-truth

Rage Against

As a father of a LGBTQ daughter how do I not rage at people who oppose the fact my daughter exist.

daynedaman

Lesbian here. You can have a little rage. As a treat.

Seriously though this comment made me smile. You seem like a wonderful dad. You don't have to hold in your anger at people who are pissed at your daughter for simply existing. Take the protective father stereotype and use it for good! :)

lennsden