Since we grow up in a world where it is assumed that we will be straight, we don't receive a lot of education on the LGBTQ+ community. Most places receive zero education, as decades of homophobia and gay erasure rear their ugly heads even in modern society.
So curiosity from straight people is natural. It's welcome. It only helps break down the walls between our communities.
u/l_a_z_y_b_u_g asked:
Straight people of reddit, what questions do you have for the LGBTQ community?
Here were some of those answers.
The Clever One First
What's on the gay agenda for today?
For the lesbians, today is gardening and obsessing over hot female actresses.
I mean we do that every day but whatever.
After polling my friends the answer seems to be animal crossing
Take Note, Straights!
What are the creepy or offensive things things that well-meaning non-lgbt people say?
The question "so which one is the girl and which one is the guy" is pretty offensive. We are not trying to fit ourselves in a straight mold. Were both girls/ were both guys. It's like the whole point.
Asking whose on top can be pretty intrusive if you don't know them well.
Asking a trans person their birth name or what's in their pants is super rude.
Hetlag
Are there "straight jokes"? Straight people use jokes about being gay all the time, especially guys.
I don't think it's the case for everybody but one of my group of friends is like 80% LGBT+ people and YES. So many jokes and puns about straight/cis people. But none of them are insults and I never heard a violent joke about straight people.
We DEFINILTY have jokes about the straights™ though. Like about heterophobia or straight pride.
This Is A Good Perspective, Listen Up
I'm not straight but I've always wanted to ask a trans person what they mean when they say they "feel like a man/woman". I guess it's probably not entirely tangible but I've always found it intriguing.
Imagine waking up every day of your life feeling like something's wrong. You're perfectly healthy, your life is great, but there's something wrong. You just don't know what.
The feeling gets worse when you look at yourself in a mirror, or see your body. It gets even worse when puberty starts and you watch your body change and you hate it, but you don't know why. There's just something wrong.
The feeling sometimes gets better when you look at people of the opposite sex (for me, girls). Sometimes, it gets worse and you get frustrated for no reason. Maybe you have a crush on one of those girls. Maybe you just want some attention from them. But then, if you had a crush on one of them, there would be some happiness. There just isn't. Never. Your life is great but you're miserable and you can't figure out why.
Then one day a random thought occurs. I wish I were a girl. Then you understand what was wrong with you all your life.
The way I experienced it, it's a mix of discomfort, longing, and envy. I wasn't comfortable with my body (mind you, I had an awful life, which is why I didn't explore these issues until I gained some control over it in my early 20s) because I was male. I was hoping something would change without really knowing what. I envied girls simply for being girls.
This might be controversial, but I wouldn't say I "feel" like a woman. I'm a woman. Just not physically, alas. Even now after successfully transitioning, I'm aware that I'm still biologically male. It still bothers me. But I can live my life as a woman and that's a massive weight off of my shoulders. I can look at my body or into a mirror. I wake up in the morning without that residual feeling that something is wrong. I am no longer miserable.
Identity is a difficult question and everyone has their own perception of it. I don't think you'll ever get a definite answer on your question. The best you can get is a variety of testimonials and personal experiences, few of which you will resonate with.
Moms Trying To Be Better
What do (or did) you need from your mom?
(Mom of a trans teenager. I do my best to support him, and want to learn to do better)
The most important thing is to affirm his identity. Use his new name and pronouns. Making mistakes is okay, but work on it.
Otherwise, help him protect himself. There is a ton of hate directed at transgender teens, and someone of his age isn't going to have the emotional maturity to deal with it all. Whenever someone wants to deny who he is, have his back.
If he hasn't started puberty blockers yet, it's 100% worth it. Puberty blockers now means no mastectomy later. And if he changes his mind later (he probably won't) they're mostly reversible.
It's Common Because Women Are Nice
How come it's common for a gay man to befriend straight women but it's uncommon for a lesbian to befriend straight men?
I'm gay and my sister a lesbian. My female friends have never requested to watch my husband and I have sex. Straight men are always asking my sister if they can watch my sister and her wife have sex. there's your answer.
Your First Gay Movie
I've been fortunate enough to have quite a few close friends who were gay in my lifetime, so I've got no "how do things work" kind of questions that haven't been answered.
However, one of my favorites that I always ask when we're in the process of becoming friends... If you're around my age (mid-30's), and a gay guy, did you first realize you might be gay when watching the volley ball scene in Top Gun? And if not, why are you lying to me about when you first realized you were gay?
I remember a reading an interview with John Cryer about Duckie in Pretty in Pink. And he was saying how people would come up to him and thank him because that's how they realized they were in the closet.
And he said he was kind of shocked because he didn't realize Duckie was closeted, but when he mentioned it to the other cast they all knew.
So, of course, that's when I first realized that Duckie was gay in that movie.
Beep Boop
How does "gaydar" work? How reliable is it?
Gaydar is just that... Recognizing that someone is likely to be LGBTQ. It can be based on any number of things - mannerisms, hair and clothes, subtle references and symbols that might not obvious to people who aren't "in the know," etc.
As to efficacy? Moderate? But there are also some false positives - people who are assumed to be LGBT but aren't.
The Gays. They're Everywhere.
What did you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
There are so many more gay people in this world than statistics shows, because may people are either still in the closet or don't come out as gay on any form of census.
Rage Against
As a father of a LGBTQ daughter how do I not rage at people who oppose the fact my daughter exist.
Lesbian here. You can have a little rage. As a treat.
Seriously though this comment made me smile. You seem like a wonderful dad. You don't have to hold in your anger at people who are pissed at your daughter for simply existing. Take the protective father stereotype and use it for good! :)
People Explain Which Disgusting Things They Can't Stand But Everyone Else Seems To Love
I eat just about anything, but can't say I'm a fan of okra. Might it have to do with the way it is typically prepared, at least in my experience? It's slimy. It shouldn't be. It would probably taste better fried. But I have friends from the South who swear it is heaven on a plate.
But there's more than food that's disgusting. Like... why do people idolize Joe Exotic, the Tiger King? He's a sexual predator and a criminal. I know we all needed something to watch during lockdown, but damn. Don't tattoo his face on your body!
People shared their opinions after Redditor blackismyfavcolorlol asked the online community,
"What's that one disgusting thing that everybody except you seems to like?"
"It sounds so gross..."
"Deep-fried butter and deep-fried mayonnaise. It sounds so gross but everyone seems to eat it at state fairs or amusement parks."
Yeah... I'll pass.
I love butter. I love mayo. Do they need to be fried, though?
"You know the type..."
"Those social media videos of food being made with so much heavy and greasy s***! You know, the type where it's a whole burger, cooked into a quesadilla with a pound of cheese, then fried and covered in three different sauces."
So unnecessary. And they ultimately become a waste of food because who would actually eat that?
"People who slam..."
"People who slam their friend's faces into birthday cakes. Just stop."
I would be so pissed if I spent so much money on hair and makeup only to have it ruined.
"You know what..."
"You know what I think is sick and weird? Why do some people take pictures of their dead/dying family members? Like "at the hospital with my aunt," and it's pictures of someone's aunt on breathing tubes unconscious. It makes no sense to me why you would take pictures and put them on social media."
"Or parents..."
"Pictures with babies. Or parents creating Facebook profiles in the name of their children, and those children are like... 3 years old, or less."
"Well..."
"Well, I know I can't be the only one that finds them disgusting, but long fake nails. Unless you have a serious case of hand-washing OCD, there is no way that can be hygienic."
How do these people wipe after going to the bathroom?!
"The smell..."
"Truffles. The smell makes my stomach turn. I feel like there has to be some kind of bizarre conspiracy or truffle gatherer lobby or something for them to be so expensive."
"He's a predator..."
"Tiger King.
The guy is a sociopath who manipulated two young straight men into a sexual relationship, which ended in one of them committing suicide. Then he had the audacity to give the most tasteless eulogy in front of the guy's family.
He's a predator and I'm shocked that more non-straight and non-monogamous people aren't speaking up against him being released and getting more screen time."
There are people out there who have gotten tattoos of him. Why would you want a tattoo of a sexual predator on your body?!
"I have so many friends..."
"Whiskey. I have so many friends who love it, but the moment it touches my tongue I gag immediately, regardless of how expensive it is."
Do you hear that sound?
That's me getting ready to hurl.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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How do you tell if someone has a crush on you?
It's not always so easy, and many of us will fumble our way through it. Perhaps our only experience with navigating crushes comes from John Hughes movies (which I don't recommend following).
Oh, and while this isn't a Hughes movie, I would not recommend doing to one's crushes what the nerds do in the terrible Revenge of the Nerds.
Looking for advice? Look no further. You can thank Redditor chaitea_lexax who asked the online community,
"What is a dead giveaway that someone has a crush on you?"
"When they tell you..."
"When they tell you at your 10-year high school reunion after they've married and had several children and it doesn't matter anymore."
This is oddly specific.
Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion this is not.
"When they try to be mean..."
"When they try to be mean to you, you can tell. If they weren't interested, they wouldn't be trying to tease you, they would just ignore you."
Yeah, but I wish people didn't think that was okay. Mind games aren't cool.
"She stayed in my dorm..."
"Well, she changed in front of me, that didn't tip me off. She stayed in my dorm for 5 days, I was none the wiser. She said she wanted to kiss me, I finally figured it out."
"Although..."
"Although this may be more for initial attraction, women tend to 'oh so casually' drop into conversation their relationship status or better yet, lack thereof. It's rarely subtle, but I don't think men do it quite so much."
Interesting!
Well, if you make clear that you're available, then it would make sense that someone might think that you're interested.
"Though the rule of thumb is usually..."
"It's something that can't really be answered as we are all different in our actions and how we interpret things.
Though the rule of thumb is usually if they attempt to spend more time with you and often seek your help, even if you don't know the answer. It's usually a presence thing. Though again, they may just simply enjoy your company and don't like you any more than just a friend."
"If you hang out..."
"If you hang out in the same social circles there are a few sure-fire ways. The one that is really telling is when something funny happens that makes the entire group laugh. If they look at you straight away to see if you found it funny, they're into you."
I had this happen to me a few times. Sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't, I'll leave it at that.
"If you have a watch..."
"If you have a watch, look at the time then look somewhere random. Chances are they will also check the time."
"If you have mutual friends..."
"If you have mutual friends or acquaintances it would probably be your friends or their friends giving you hints or teasing that the person is romantically interested in you."
This has happened with some of my friends and it's pretty cute when it's reciprocated!
"I asked my girlfriend..."
"I asked my girlfriend to marry me today and she said yes. I have suspicions she might have a crush."
Plot twist: it's you!
"A girl would always..."
"This happened to me in college. A girl would always glance at me and when we lock eyes she would look away. I asked her out and during our conversation she touched my forearms and thighs a few times."
When it comes to crushes, it's not necessarily one size fits all, so take any and all advice with a grain of salt. You're better off being direct, but that is, of course, easier said than done.
Have some tips of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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You feel safe all the time...
...but the world is more dangerous than you realize. Even the things you don't normally assume to be deadly, the actions you do every day, can lead to some unfortunate injury or, worse, death.
Watch out for springs. Seriously.
Reddit user, u/FrenchDude1000, wanted to know what they should be more careful around when they asked:
What's dangerous but most people don't realize?
Never underestimate the power of nature. Be it living or non-living, the things out in the wild are more ferocious than you realize.
Water Always Wins
"Water, specifically moving water. People have no sense about how powerful large volumes of moving water can be."
"My grandfather used to point out boulders in flash flood channels and ask us how they got there. A flash flood is literally thousands of gallons of water moving with the force of a hurricane, mowing down anything in it path; your odds of survival if you get caught in one are slim to none. Water is no joke!"
pretty-as-a-picThey're Called "Wild" For A Reason
"Chimpanzees."
"Ever since I saw that woman on TV that was ripped apart by her own pet chimp, I swear I would freak out if I ever had to be in the vicinity of a chimp irl. She didn't die but it f-cked her up bad enough that those things scare me. When people use them in music videos or whatever, I always think of that lady."
"It wasn't her chimp - it was her neighbor's. And she was known to the chimp, and had interacted with it for years before, on friendly terms."
"One day it just went, well, ape.."
It's Literally A Big Ball Of Burning Death
"THE SUN. Skin cancer is a major killer that is easily preventable by wearing sunscreen. Sun damage is more significant than many people realize and it's such an easy thing to avoid."
Even The Cute Ones...
"ALL wild animals are dangerous, even if they don't look it. Most people know that large predators like mountain lions and bears are dangerous, but many underestimate herbivores and/or smaller animals like deer and squirrels. A lot of people assume smaller animals/herbivores are tame, and try to get close or even touch them. This is extremely dangerous- these animals don't understand humans, and an animal that feels cornered or threatened will lash out to try and escape. Please keep a safe and respectful distance from any animal you don't know!"
Going to the doctor can feel like a big weight, especially if you don't have the right kind of coverage. That's probably why things like the following can lead to dangerous outcomes.
Brush, Brush, Brush Your Teeth
"An infected tooth."
"True! An abscess under the gum line can literally kill you."
"Argued with a receptionist about this. I had one badly and she said she'd never heard of it killing anyone. Like... yeah, ask your damn boss."
Go For A Walk
"A bad diet and sedentary lifestyle. Most people don't think about how these two can lead to an incredible amount of health problems and how they can remain asymptomatic for years and suddenly have a heart attack or stroke."
And then there's these, typical, every day actions or items we might come into contact with which actually pose more of a threat than we realize.
Watch out for those springs.
Buckle Up
"Driving. The forces involved in driving are way above anything the human body can withstand should things go wrong. All the safety features built into cars lead us to believe that it's a safe activity, which encourages additional risky behaviors like texting. Everybody should be hyper focused while driving down the highway at 80mph, but almost everybody is doing something else in addition to driving."
Buckle Up THE RIGHT WAY
"90% of children are improperly restrained in the car."
"I spent a decade as a CPST and the things I've seen are deeply upsetting knowing they're easily fixable with an hour or two of effort."
"I've seen children internally decapitated. Parents put their kids in car seats forward facing far too early, booster seats before they're truly large enough, coats under the straps, straps never properly tightened."
"Car accidents are still a leading cause of death. The awareness has gotten better in the last 15 years but with plenty of room for improvement."
"If you have a child, please make an appointment with a certified CPST whenever they are big enough for their next seat or seating position. It's worth the effort."
"Also, not every fire fighter is a CPST. The goal is to teach YOU how to install the seat, not to have them do it for you."
Think Of Your Mental Health
"toxic workplace. stay there long enough and you will hate life itself"
"And then the toxic people who say "think about the money" when you mention quitting for your mental health"
Hire A Professional
"Garage door springs will f-ck you up."
"I'm generally a do-it-yourselfer, but I don't mess with breaker boxes or garage door springs."
Be safe out there. You never know when a wild spring is going to jump out of the dark, ready to attack.
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There is a lot to hate about the world today. It seems like around every corner, awful news foretelling the end of the world is playing on every screen.
And we are expected to live in the middle of this? 2020 saw the rise of the term "doom scrolling" because the news about the world was so grim.
Redditor u/MeetMeOnNovember asked:
"What do you hate most about the world today?"
Here were some of the answers.
Money Keeps Coming Out
"Everything is subscription now. And I understand why (good, reliable monthly income for a company) but it feels like everything is turning subscription! Movie services make sense, maybe music, but photoshop? Virtual machines?"
"This is very old school of me but I want to buy something once and then own it. I don't want to pay a monthly price for everything."-cloistered_around
Being Honest
"Honesty and admitting wrongdoing is a liability, wherein the risk outweighs the reward."-liquorlanche617
"Car accidents are the worse. The at fault party will try to do EVERYTHING to pretend they weren't at fault. Insurance cards even tell you to never admit fault."
"I got t-boned by somebody who blew a stop sign and I couldn't believe how much she was trying to blame me when I had no stop and she blew thru hers."
"Cops quickly saw she was using every excuse in the book and luckily I had a couple witnesses who backed my truthful story."-Zealousideal-Wall471
The Plot Of Scream 4
"Not the worst (people have already said it), I hate how normalized wanting/needing to be famous on social media purely for validation (and not for your content) has become."
"I don't mean this as a dig, but if you are making content and want to become famous; you should probably have a marketable skill (comedy, acting, singing, anything else) prior to that instead of trying to make one up after you've got a following."-thehotdeskpodcast
The world today can really be an anathema for our peace.
Narcissism
"Lack of empathy everywhere. Dating, platonic social interactions, workplace, online in general people be treating each other like expendables. I don't know why. Or if the world was always this way and I am only noticing as an adult."-throwaway-_-friend
"It's actually lack of compassion more than empathy. Lots of people know how others feel and don't give a sh*t. What is lacking is people who actually care about what others feel."-touchtheclouds
The Worst Kinds Of People
"How much being a sh*t person is actually celebrated and encouraged....I don't understand this one myself. My coworker is one of those girls that prides herself on being a b*tch."
"She proudly states how many people she's ran out of our workplace, and it blows my mind. 33 and proud of being a mean girl... oof. The worst part is how many people encourage her for being like that."-PUTYOURWHATINMYWHAT
Lies Of Life
"My grandfather raised 8 kids supported his wife, and paid a mortgage on a 40-50 hour a week managers salary at Sears. They had a two weeks interstate vacation every year."
"It wasnt anything lavish, usually they went by station wagon to West Virginia (where my grandparents were from) or they went to Venice, Florida or something."
"But it was still two weeks of vacation for TEN PEOPLE. They never took government assistance."
"That is so far from fantasy these days it's not even fathomable. If somebody put that in a movie most people would be unable to suspend their disbelief. In fact it's absurd to even expect I could support just myself with a comparable job today."-nomoredrinkypoo
The Social Life Is Online
"People exploit social issues and mental health awareness on social media and pretend to care by making posts about them saying they care and are there for those people, but they only make those posts to make themselves look good publicly."
"The fact is most of them do absolutely nothing to help in their personal lives and they often ignore and turn their backs on the very people they publicly claim to care about and have empathy for. Actions speak louder than words."-lostwanderer02
The world's ugliness is more on display than ever before.
Engendering Desperation
"So many people will harm/kill others just for a measly amount of money. Even worse a lot just do it for the fun of it, the money wouldn't even matter to them."
"Every software company I get hired at they are scamming their customers and nobody at the company cares. I use to change jobs, but now I just have to find one that scams the least because they all do in my industry."-P3nNam3
It's Coming Down To Nothing More Than Apathy
"Privacy- It scares me that so many people are surrendering to the idea of being constantly monitored at all times. I was talking with a younger coworker about how I will never have an Alexa or any similar device in my home, since cellphones are bad enough."
"He responded very nonchalantly, 'I've just accepted it at this point.' That bothered me very deeply."
"Big box stores over local stores- I also despise how there's a growing acceptance towards big box corporate stores over local stores."
"I know way too many people who will buy literally everything from Amazon, WalMart, etc because they don't feel like going out and shopping."
"I've lived in a large city for many years, and I'm seeing huge corporation chain stores replacing unique, charming, incredible stores that have been in some communities for decades."
"It's not a good feeling or sight to see when every community you go to begins to be an endless repetition. But everything is cheaper!"
"Yeah, everything also breaks more easily, and specialized workers will be replaced by workers that are just numbers on a corporate spreadsheet who know the company doesn't give a damn about them."
"I know I sound grouchy but it is as if I'm seeing a real degradation and no one seems to care because it's easier or that we should just accept that it's happening."-According_To_Me
Cruelty
"How people think it's okay to film you and invade your privacy. I got into a pretty bad car accident in a busy intersection a few years ago and some aholes decided to film me while laughing."
"I was bleeding from my face and obviously in shock from the incident. The accident was so bad that I had to go to therapy and I stopped driving for years after."
"When I'm having a depressive episode, I can't help but think about how cruel some people are."-MurakamiMadeMeDoIt
The world isn't only ugly, though. The world can have beauty hidden beside the sheer overwhelming darkness of it.
Take a moment to stop and smell the roses, as they say.
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