Dog and cat owners are constantly amused by their quirky four-legged besties.
And while we are as captivated as dogs chasing their tails and cats determinedly chasing after that evasive laser point, pet owners can witness quite a show when an uninvited animal enters the domestic environment.
So what happens in those unusual circumstances?
Lucky for us, we don't have to wonder, thanks to a subReddit that addressed the very subject confirming we are merely spectators really living in the animal kingdom.
Plenty of interesting anecdotes filled the thread when Redditor 99_Restaurant asked:
"People whose homes have dog/cat doors, have wild animals ever entered your pet doors and what happened when that occurred?"
Things went bananas with these intruders.
Monkey Pause
"Not quite a pet door situation but we lived close to the national park in Nairobi. On several occasions monkeys would come into the house through the windows."
"They'd raid the pantry and make a mess of it. Once my husband was home alone. He heard a noise downstairs and as he went to investigate met a monkey coming back upstairs. They both froze, then he backed up back into the bedroom and the monkey made its way back out through our child's bedroom window."
"It was quite a hoot."
– Amantes09
Knock, Knock–Who's There?
"Also not OP but some years ago I stayed in a wildlife area in Ghana. The lodge warned us not to open the door without checking the peephole first because the baboons had learned to knock on doors and if you opened they would rush inside and tear apart the room looking for food! They really did knock too! If not for the warning I might have opened the door. Pretty freaky."
– ExcellentBurps
You'd think woodland creatures were cute.
What The Cat Missed
"I lived in an apartment that backed up to an open field for a while and had a real raccoon issue. Once they figured out that the cat door was occasionally open after I left it open one night when was out late, they would show up in a gang of 5-7 every night and bang in the slider and try it get in."
"The apartment was a studio with a slightly lofted bedroom and one evening was sitting on the couch working and saw what thought was my cat wander down into the living room and hop up on to the couch next to me. I reached out to give her a scratch and noticed in my periphery that her body language was off. That was when I turned to look at her and realized it was a raccoon. I screamed and lept off the couch. The raccoon made a quick exit back out the cat door. My cat slept through the whole exchange."
– BraveLittleEcho
A Staring Contest
"A squirrel came in through my parents cat flap (they don't have a cat but didn't replace the door when they bought the house). I remember walking into the kitchen and having a staring match with this squirrel until he decided he'd had enough and left the way he'd come in. Not very exciting but still."
– yellowteapots
No Exit Strategy
"Squirrels can be pure madness sometimes, so it might very well have been."
"We had a squirrel get in through a hole in the screen door once. She couldn't figure out how to get back out so she ping ponged around the room for a bit, knocking over a bunch of stuff."
– PlasticElfEars
The Cat's Guests
"Kind of similar, I guess…"
"I once walked into the kitchen and noticed that our horse had gotten inside. He had opened a cupboard in the mud room and was happily munching away on some chaff we had stored there. The pull down handle to the back door was covered in horse slobber, as was the cubboard door handle. Cheeky bugger."
"Also, one of our cats has brought in the odd snake. They are very much alive when she deposits them inside the house. Luckily, she usually chooses to leave them in the bath for some reason."
– hummingbirdpie
Chilly Reception
"I live in the countryside in the UK, and I’ve got a load of marshes behind my house, so we get all sorts, bugs, birds, small mammals (foxes, hedgehogs, etc) and amphibians. One day, my cat was meowing at me, and she led me behind the sofa, and she had brought in a whole adult rabbit that was frozen solid. I was shocked because she had to have brought it over several walls 7 feet high, and through the cat flap, and the rabbit was more than half the size of her. The most concerning thing, however, is that I thought it was a duck until my sister came down and saw it and pointed out it was a rabbit. It was because it was so frozen solid and the ears were covered in ice and stuck together, so it looked like a ducks beak. Yeah idk how I thought it was a duck at first."
– CrazyCalamari86
Indoor Outhouse
"A fox pissed on my couch."
– mekese2000
Winged creatures need shelter too. They just don't understand boundaries unless they're the ones that are spooked.
Permanent Landing
"Came down one morning to find a peacock in the utility room that had got in to eat all the cat food. It stayed on our property for about three years and we called it Wazzock."
– TouchMySwollenFace
Special Delivery
"One morning, there was a noise at my door. I opened it and there was a peacock standing on my stoop like the UPS guy. He squawked and flew into a tree."
“At God is my witness, I thought peacocks couldn’t fly.”
– substantial-freud
"Greedy Bastard"
"Similar. After our cat brought in live mice, small birds, a giant moth and a couple of slow worms, we nixed the cat flap. We do keep the patio door open during summer."
"We have a seagull (European herring gull) that has been cruising in our negbourhood for about ten years now. He knows where the cat food is, so each summer he just wanders in and has a nice serving. Greedy b@stard."
"There was also the one late summer evening when the door was open, and I suddenly heard crunching sounds. I walked over to investigate, and a badger was just sitting there, munching on some bug or other about ten feet from the open door."
– Sticky16
These wild anecdotes sure will make you reconsider getting a cat flap.
From an animal's perspective, the tiny-sized openings of a human home are basically house-warming invitations.
Have you experienced any wild intrusions?
And are you one to welcome such visitors, or are you prone to standing on top of your kitchen chair for safety?
*Content warning: Pet deaths*
Pets are like family, especially when they've been with you for a very long time. When they die, it can be an emotionally devastating experience for the people who loved them.
The remorse is such that many have called for an amendment to work policies that allow people to take bereavement leave in the event they lose a pet.
Losing a pet hurts enough, but what if you happened to be the reason why they died, even if only by accident? People shared their stories with us after Redditor Yanze326 asked the online community,
"People who killed their pets on accident how did you cope with the guilt?"
"I stepped on our pet bird..."
"I stepped on our pet bird when I was very young. She was small, and out and about in the living room. My mom accused me of lying about how the bird died. I don't know how I coped with it."
blinddivine
We're sorry about your pet's death and even sorrier that you were accused of something so horrible by a parent.
"Suddenly..."
"I was out working in the yard. I came in to grab a drink. I had a 40 gallon freshwater aquarium tank with about 15-20 African Cichlids in it. I saw a plant uprooted from the gravel. I put my hand in and fixed it. I walk by the tank 20 minutes later and they are not doing good."
"I lost all of the fish that day. I had a separate nursery tank that had 18-20 or so young fish in it which helped. I did a water change, changed filters, cleaned the tank. I call a fish friend who helped me set up the tank 10 years before. She was stumped on how the whole tank died in 1/2 a day."
"I had no idea what happened til maybe a year later when I was looking at how much weed killer to mix in the 1 gallon sprayer. I read the label that said - do not spray around ponds with ornamental fish."
"Suddenly the light bulb went off that I must have had some residue on my hand and put it in the tank. I felt horrible but at least I figured out what I did."
Chum731
Condolences. Now you know though, and knowing is half the battle.
"I rescued a small bird..."
"I rescued a small bird when I was 17. He used to follow me around the house. One day I was wearing heels and didn't see he was walking behind me. My friend took him and put him out of his misery."
Forgotmyusername85
Oh no! Condolences. You couldn't have known.
"I talk to her..."
"I still have traumatic flashbacks at weird times. I’m 30 now. When I was 18, I got in the car on a rainy day and started backing out of our garage. My mom comes through the garage door and started screaming for me to stop. I had backed over one of our dogs, Cleo. She died in my arms as I screamed and cried."
"The guilt was immeasurable. And I honestly still have trouble with it sometimes when I go down the dark rabbit hole of reliving the trauma. I still hear my parents saying it wasn’t my fault (the dog was hiding under the car). They repeatedly said that the dog knew how much I loved her and I spent more time with her than anyone else in the family."
"I talk to her and tell her I miss her and love her. And I’m extra careful now with pets, though I suppose not always to a healthy degree. I just try to see everything that could go wrong in a situation and prevent it."
"Coping with the guilt has gotten easier with time, but I honestly can’t remember that day without feeling the regret and pain again. I can only tell myself that I loved Cleo so much and it was a terrible, tragic accident."
HurtMyKnee_Granger
We're so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and your parents did/have done everything possible to make it less horrible.
"I cried hard."
"I cried hard. It was a sweet little baby kitten that had gotten under a blanket and I didn't see it early in the morning. I literally cried for hours and hours on end. But I ended up fostering four kittens to help with the guilt. It did but I still feel guilty four years later."
starswillstillshine
We're so sorry. You did a wonderful thing fostering those other kittens!
"I really did try..."
"I killed so many fish as a pre teen that I had actual stress dreams about it. I finally got rid of the tank all together. Now as an a adult I refuse to own a fish tank. If I ever have kids they will never own fish tanks."
"I really did try to take care of them but I was just not good at it or had terrible luck."
Main-Yogurtclass82
Fish take a lot more effort than people think. It can be tough, and quickly gets expensive between all the equipment, water treating chemicals, and medicines.
"When I was about 5 or 6, I had some hermit crabs. I loved animals, but I was way too young to be solely responsible for a pet, and I kept forgetting to feed them."
"I'm 40 now and I still feel a lot of guilt over that. I try to make up for it by giving my guinea pigs all the love (and food - they won't let you forget that) I have and make sure that their lives are as happy as possible."
Throne-Eins
Hermit crabs are notoriously tricky to care for as well. There's no way you would have been able to do it right at that age.
"At about 1 year in..."
"My first individual pet was an albino hamster I named Mew, I was 10. I spent ALL my kid money on that fat little ball of love; wheels, tunnels, those out of the cage rolly-balls, more bedding than he'd ever need."
"At about 1 year in I came back from school one day and he had passed, and I felt terrible seeing his empty water bottle. It slipped my mind somehow, likely that weekend prior when we went to dad's for the weekend."
"I found a small box, gave him a proper burial in the woods outside the apartment complex, and bought a 4-inch marigold to pant on top of his box. My little 10 year old heart was broken, I went from an independent little preteen to a baby who slept in mom's bed for a week."
"In good kid fashion I started to cheer up after that, and my mom certainly helped by surprising me with another pet; a guinea pig, also albino. I named him Mew"two" (I was sooo sly haha), and he lived a long 7 years, had 2 litters of 4 with a missus (because I thought she was a male lol whoops), and naturally died of old age when I was about 17."
Phantasmai
You sound like a good soul! Mewtwo definitely lived a long and healthy life after the untimely death of his predecessor.
"I took my dog..."
"I took my dog to be spayed and she died mid-surgery. To this day I feel guilty. I remember when I dropped her off at the vet she was crying and trying to go out with me, but I left her there and went to work. I feel like I practically took her to die!"
Gizza_
Condolences.
General anaesthesia always carries a risk that everyone takes way too lightly. Don't beat yourself up over it. Getting spayed is the responsible thing to do to a dog, and you couldn't possibly have known.
The trauma of losing a pet is very real. If you have lost one in an unfortunate accident, don't beat yourself up over it. An accident is just that: an accident. Time and therapy and will help you be kinder to yourself.
If you have some stories of your own, you may share them with us in the comments below.
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Pet Owners Describe The Times Their Pets Quickly Went From Sweet Angels To Furry Demons
Optimus Prime can open doors.
This seems perfectly reasonable if you're talking about Optimus Prime the leader of the Autobots and possibly the greatest Transformer to ever transform.
But I'm talking about Optimus Prime, my 90 lb rescue pit bull who likes to break into neighbors homes.
Reddit user AngusGibsonT asked:
" Pet owners of Reddit, what's the quickest you've gone from 'My sweet furry angel' to 'Why are you doing this, you goddamn goblin?' "
When we adopted Optimus Prime, we had no idea he knew this little trick until he let himself out of our house and INTO a neighbor's home down the street.
They were polite ("Um, hi, it seems we have one more pit bull in our living room than we did a few minutes ago. Are you missing someone?") and he isn't aggressive—but anything can happen out there and it's my responsibility as his person to keep him safe.
He's not safe letting himself into and out of rooms, houses and buildings.
Mr. Prime is a stunningly gorgeous boy who loves his cuddles and doesn't understand personal space—do any bully breeds? Why do they need to be snuggled constantly?
But he is also a monster who lets himself out of our house, the vets office, friends places, the car and pretty much anywhere else.
Flat handles, round handles, pocket doors, child locks, kennels—none of it matters. Only a deadbolt has foiled him, so now our front door stays deadbolted.
The thing is, he doesn't DO anything once he opens the doors. He just opens them and stands there, sometimes across the threshold so you can't close it again.
Aside from the time he visited the neighbors, he mostly just seems to have a thing against closed doors. There's no panic, there's just typical bully refusal to leave something alone.
So me and 'Houdini The House Manatee' (he's enormous, grey, and lazy) spend the day playing passive-aggressive games. He walks around opening the doors and just standing in the doorway. I spend the day closing the doors he opens 'cause we live in Florida and mosquitos.
Optimus isn't the only pet wreaking havoc.
Pet owners of Reddit absolutely do not have it together and it makes me feel a little better about myself, honestly.
Rabbit Becomes Man, Man Becomes Pest
"I have raised two rabbits from birth. They're half-siblings with the same father; a boy and girl."
"Girl has always been shy and sweet. And so was boy …up until his testicles dropped."
"My boy became a man overnight, and not a good one."
"Up until his appointment for neutering came, he became the devil incarnate. Honking, running around in circles, pissing all over his toys. All toilet training completely forgotten. Biting us. Growling. Scratching. Wiping his tic-tac on anything fabric. Destroying anything in his path."
"We lined a Perspex storage box with hay that we used as 'horny jail' - a time out zone, if you like, to sit think about what he’d done."
"He’s still a little bruiser by nature, but after his surgery he calmed down immensely, especially once his sister was spayed as well."
"On the day they were reunited, I held my breath as they sniffed and chased. But they re-bonded successfully and are inseparable. He’s so protective of his sister and grooms her regularly."
"He’s smaller than his sister, and I think he just has Little Man Syndrome half the time. I wouldn’t have him any other way"
"Tldr; Boy rabbit becomes man. Man becomes pest. Pest has his balls cut off. Pest calms down and becomes a loving brother. I love him."
- LexiRae24
GiphyThe Dogs Plan
"Had a pit when I was in my early 20s."
"I went through some crap and ended up pretty much homeless. I did have a hotel room for a few months, which made me feel grateful to no be on the street."
"My job at the time was crap pay for sh*t work."
"I was down to my last few dollars and bought some chicken nuggets for myself and got my dog his food, because I'd rather barely eat than to see him hungry. Chicken nuggets wouldn't fill me, but it would be SOMETHING and he could eat too."
"For the first time ever, out of nowhere, he jumped on the table and ate my chicken nuggets. I didn't even have enough money for a single pack of ramen."
"I was so mad I yelled and screamed at him and he took off running out the door."
"He was gone almost 3 full days till some old man came walking towards the hotel with my dog on a leash. He came to my door and said he'd seen me letting the dog out before and found him behind his garage."
"We chatted a while and I ended up sharing my struggle story with the old man. The next day I get a call in the hotel room phone with a job offer making almost 16 an hour."
"Old man owned a small construction business and created a position of 'Site Cleaner' for me. I just picked up trash and swept floors after drywallers and electricians etc."
"My first check had a bonus on it labeled 'down payment for apartment.' I still think the dog had his own plan."
- phatkidd76
GiphyMy Husbands Cat
"My husband's cat loves him, and only him, unreasonably."
"It's adorable. He's her person and she gets jealous if he's snuggling me instead of her. We're on the couch and he puts his arm around me? She'll squirm her way onto his lap and just stare at me. So that's pretty cute."
"The problem is that when he goes away, she cannot handle it at all."
"This critter goes through the stages of grief, every time. One day of denial (she hangs out on his office chair and generally behaves normally)."
"Two or so days of bargaining (she climbs on my lap, apparently hoping that if she acts real cute, I'll turn into my husband?)"
"Three days of depression (she hides under his desk and only comes out to eat at night.)"
"Finally, she hits anger. She waits until I clean the litter box, and have gone outside to throw the poo out. Then, she SH*TS ON THE FLOOR."
"This lasts anywhere from one to seven days and does not end until my husband returns. She never progresses to the acceptance stage."
"OH BUT IT GETS BETTER. It all ends when my husband finally gets home."
"This ungrateful sh*tgoblin sees him walk in the door, looks me dead in the eye, and strolls into the litter box like she hasn't just spent the last week tormenting me."
"I get it. It's absolutely separation anxiety. Poor goblin."
"We have tried Feliway, but I'm allergic to it. So we set her up in my husband's office overnight (food, water, litter, and privacy from my rambunctious cats) and make sure he leaves some unwashed shirts for her to snuggle."
"She's only got one eye and doesn't hear well so I think it helps her feel safer. But nothing will satisfy her until her person returns."
- WavePetunias
GiphyRabbits Can Climb?
"When my then 18 month old, ball of attitude with fluff on it house rabbit bit through my laptop cable while it was plugged in, then proceeded to get angry with the cable and kept biting it because it was biting him back."
"I got home to a totally destroyed cable and a rabbit who had nothing but a minor stomach problem for a few days."
"Everything was on top of a table - including the outlet! I didn't know the little bastard could CLIMB to reach the top of it. Did you know rabbits can climb? BECAUSE I DIDN'T."
"There's no way he could have jumped on stuff to get up there. He literally had to calculate a route and CLIMB."
"All accessible cables are now fully armoured and I check everything for potential bunny access, no matter how improbable."
"He's ridiculously lucky to be alive. He's 6 in July."
"He's a total prick. But I love him."
.- CrazyPlatypusLady
GiphyBrownie Time
"My German Shepard."
"Wife decided to make brownies in a glass pan. After they had cooled down, we put them back in the oven to eat after we went to go pick up dinner."
"Well, we came back to an open stove, dog diarrhea mixed with vomit all over the house, and my dog laying in the center of the living room - hyperventilating."
"Old boy had used a tea towel we had hanging over the handle to pull the stove open, and decided to eat the brownies, glass pan and all! He must have pulled the pan out and eaten the brownie - and half the shattered glass pan."
"Thankfully this was 22 years ago and I had access to a military vet so it 'only' cost $1200 for the surgery he needed to have the vet remove glass out of dummy’s stomach."
"He lived for another 10 years."
- Hardheaded_Hunter
GiphyMenace To Society
"I am constantly flip flopping between the two"
"My cat is adorable and I love her. But god damn she is just... she's a f*cking menace to society, honestly."
"Cat outside the window? Gotta try and murder it through the window and then maul mom for a week when I can't. Why? Because yes, that's why."
"New furniture in the house or old furniture being disposed of? I am now angry, let the mauling commence once more. For an entire week."
"Something left on a table? I must knock it off the table."
"Same item now put in a deep cubby to prevent me from being an asshole? I must claw my way into the cubby, and then knock it on the floor again."
"Too close to the cat tree for too long? Time to slap."
"Hold her for a second too long after she bawled around the house with her toy in her mouth demanding cuddles? Time to maul."
"There's a box outside? or a bag? Time to attack the window until it's investigated by someone, and then it's time to maul mom for a week about it."
"I don't know why she feels the need to be a spicy lil sh*t. It's a good thing I named her Pepper, I guess."
- GenjisWife
GiphyChinchilla Love
"My chinchilla goes from 'sweet innocent fluffball who just wants some treats and pets' to 'horny little bastard' real quick."
"I’ll just be sitting with him giving him pets and he’ll try to hump my foot. Or the blanket. Or a pillow. Or a stuffed animal. Or my knee."
"Honestly, any nearby semi-soft thing is in danger of being humped."
"He’s also jizzed on his vet. More than once."
"The vet never seems shocked by it, though. Male chinchillas don't normally get neutered since it's risky for them. It's usually only done if there's a medical reason for it, so this must happen pretty regularly."
- whateverimtootired
GiphyGag-Crying
"I had a really well-behaved blind foster dog."
"I was very sick one night and put him to bed in his kennel (which he loves) earlier than normal. I slept later than normal too since I felt so horrible."
"I woke up expecting him to have had an accident and was so proud he hadn't pooped anywhere since I'd left him in there so long."
"That is, until I brought him out of his kennel and he chugged an entire bowl of water and then threw up. Turns out he had pooped, but then eaten it and now vomited watery poop all over my doormat."
"Since he'd drank so much water, it spread all over my floor. Cue me gag-crying with a bottle of 409 and paper towels."
"I didn't blame him, obviously."
- astrosergeant
GiphyMerry Christmas
"When one of my cats was still a kitten, she would climb the Christmas tree. We thought it was funny and didn't really mind that much because she wasn't big enough to knock it over or really cause any damage."
"Until she decided to open her mouth as wide as possible to bite a FREAKIN GLASS ORNAMENT and then it basically got stuck in her wide open mouth."
"My husband and I were both freaking out and trying to get it out of her mouth, and then the GLASS ORNAMENT BROKE IN HER MOUTH. Shockingly, she was perfectly fine and somehow didn't cut her mouth but it was the most ridiculous and terrifying thing I've had a pet do."
"Our Christmas ornaments are all made of plastic now because of this."
- beloved_wolf
GiphyUnder Two Feet Of Snow
"My dog loved snow. I love snow."
"The first time I ever got to take him out in a proper blizzard in NYC was so exciting. It dumped so hard so fast, I had never seen anything like it. I had to take him out for a walk."
"He was beside himself, hopping in and out of deep drifts like a juiced up rabbit, completely disappearing beneath the surface and re-emerging a few feet away, crazed. So pure, so playful. That’s my boy."
"It was late at night in Brooklyn, streets were empty."
"I took him into a fenced-in basketball court up the street from my apartment. Pristine, untouched snow. I let him off leash to go absolutely nuts in the stuff. I stood by the gate beaming as he dashed and darted and dived."
"Within seconds he made a bee-line to the far corner where he began rolling around, fixated. I knew that roll. The roll reserved for smelly things."
"By the time I sprinted to the far end of the court he was covered, head to tail, in soft wet human feces. Someone, at some point before the storm, literally sprayed an ungodly amount of diarrhea shit in the corner of that court and despite being buried under two feet of snow, my dog immediately clocked it and bathed in it."
"It was matted so deep in his fur I spent over 6 hours cleaning him and the mess in my apartment that night. And still had to call a cleaning service and air out the stench for days and days in the dead of winter."
"Dogs, man..."
- MEEfO
Giphy"The Sweetest Psychopath"
"Pretty much everything."
"I adopted her at two years old, some sort of pitt mix, and the vet pegged her perfectly. She said 'she's the sweetest psychopath we will ever meet.' "
"She's so lovable and loving, but has such a strong prey drive and fear of the unknown. Poor girl. I love her and hate her every f*cking day."
- Gotforgot
Steve
"One time when I was doing homework at the kitchen table, my puppy (Steve, who it now 5 I believe?) was just chilling under the table."
"Suddenly, I hear gagging noises. I look under the table with my mom to see what is happening."
"That a-hole throws up a whole sock! Then just acts like nothing happened."
- Alyvent
Bless You
"My cat came up and was purring and giving me little kitty kisses as I was eating my birthday breakfast."
"Then he sneezed in my open mouth and on the bite of food I was bringing to it."
- PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD_PET
Groggy Gribble
"Wasn’t there to experience it, but when my dad took our new kitten to get neutered, he warned the vet that he was quite the little bastard."
"He explained that he will bite, claw, scratch, & draw blood from anyone he felt even slightly intimidated by. The vet (obviously) said it was fine, & that they see cats much worse all the time. In fact, Gribble (my cat) was completely calm after leaving the kennel."
"My dad brushed it off & chalked it up to the vet being good at his job."
"When my dad returned to pick Gribble up, the vet had his arm stretched out as far as possible while holding Gribble by his neck & cautiously approaching my dad."
"Apparently, after the grogginess wore off, Gribble went absolutely batshit on the vet & his assistants, leaving decent sized marks to prove it. All the vet had to say was, 'Well, I can see what you meant earlier.' ”
- beccabitesback
Lizard Puppy
"I have an Argentine blue Tegu I adopted after his original owner passed away."
"For those of you who don't know Tegus are often called 'lizard puppies' by the internet and for good reason. They're affectionate, Intelligent, and all around very personable large lizards with one exception."
"Anywhere between 10 months to 2 years or so when tegus hit puberty they enter a brief but violent stage of growth that tegu owners affectionately call 'guberty'."
"During this stage they literally act how you'd expect a raging, hormonal teenager to act and become Satan incarnate. They will lunge at and bite anything that moves and seemingly overnight transform into a vengeful God of hatred trapped in a little scaley package no matter how much they bonded with you before."
"My boy went from being a sweet, beautifully socialized little man into a emo teenager who didn't just threaten you with dark poetry and blasting Black Sabbath in his room all day; he had a powerful bite and tail to back up the threats."
"There was an extra twist to his behavior I didn't quite expect though. Apparently during this time male lizards can also get extremely horny; especially if their owners are female."
"Instead of lunging at me with pure adolescent hatred my little man had other intentions when he attempted to latch onto my leg or arm."
"He rubbed his ass on everything to leave his scent, would come running at me full tilt, and I had to wear shoes when I was in the house or he would attack my feet, rip off the sock, and steal it so he could attempt to violate it."
"I gave him a stuffed turkey so that he could take out his horniness on that instead of trying to latch onto my arm or leg."
"Did I mention tegus have powerful jaws? Because they do, and honestly I'm lucky the bites I got were the gentler amorous kind."
"I saw his gross little winky far too many times that summer. I would have preferred he just hated me like a normal lizard but no. I had a 6 lb horny lizard, instead."
"Thankfully my boy got through 'guberty' and is back to his sweet self and giving me an appropriate level of affection when I take him out every day to roam my house."
"I know his previous owner would have laughed his ass off at the ordeal."
- Alternative_Many_614
Smacking A Service Dog
"I have PTSD and a service dog. He is my second, after my first lovely lady retired (but never stopped working) and then passed on."
"This isn't about him, but does involve him. This is about my cat."
"I've had this cat for almost as long as I've had a service dog and my working theory is that he learned from my first that he could do something to help me when I needed help."
"It's wonderful having two animals who are so attentive to my needs. It's not so wonderful for one of them to be possessive over the ability to do things for me."
"Sometimes, when I need help and my cat has gotten to me first (usually because he can be up on my desk/table/etc while my dog is next to me on the ground) my cat will get prickly with my dog and be like, 'I GOT THIS. Jeez, leave off! I got it this time!' and slap him in the face with his paw when he too tries to help."
"and my poor dog is like, 'but it's my job. I need to do job for human. I can't leave! I HAVE JOB.' "
"My previous service dog was pretty good at rolling with this and let him help me while squishing against my back safely away from kitty paws."
"My current service dog has not puzzled this out yet and will keep trying to help from the front and keep getting bapped in the face for his troubles."
"Fortunately, I can ask my dog to go fetch something for me (meds, sweat shirt, what have you) so he can still do something for me even if he isn't immediately doing the getting-all-up-in-my-bzns thing he's trained to do."
"This isn't every time. My cat hovers nearby if my dog gets to me first, which is usually."
"On occasion, he will come over and try to take over if he thinks my dog isn't doing a good enough job, which involves smacking my dog to get him out of the way."
"This is very rare, and seems to happen less and less as my cat gets older. My guess is he is grudgingly deeming my dog is doing a better job than he initially thought."
- FaustianPacts
Now, because I'm the kind of writer who knows what the people really want—here's a picture of Optimus. Specifically, a picture of him gorgeously basking in the light of a door he just opened.
Dog tax paid, dear readers.
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People Explain Which Animal Species They'd Turn Over Control Of The Earth To If They Could
There are a lot of different species of animals—most of which are insects—on this planet.
Primates—specifically hominins which includes chimpanzees and humans—ended up top dogs.
But what if we didn't? What other species could take on the role?
Maybe one of them would do a better job of managing the planet than humans have.
Redditor EmperorOfDankness asked:
"If you had to hand over this planet to a different species of animal for them to rule over it, what would you choose?"
Feline Overlords
"House cats. They're taking over the world anyway. Might as well get on their good side while I can."
-HammockDistricOn5th
"Same. They are much more intelligent than we think."
-cute_floof
GiphyGood Bois
"Dogs, especially golden retrievers. They would call everyone 'hey buddy!' and the world would be peaceful again."
-sayhummus
"This is the correct answer, a dog ruled society would be a uptopia of love empathy and cuddles. There would also be a fair amount of normalized poo-eating, no vacuums, and almost certainly waaaaay too much public acceptance of deeeeep up close crotch sniffing, but it would be a small price to pay."
-HoratioReddacted
GiphyWorld's Largest—And Chillest—Rodents
"Capybara."
-quotidianwoe
"Capybaras. They get along with every animal."
-SmartAlec105
GiphyCorvid Kings
"Crows, I love their intelligence, plus they look cool. I’m genuinely hoping they wind up becoming the next intelligent species on earth."
-Not-Alpharious
"'Sorry boss, I'm going to be late for work this morning, there's a murder at the bus stop again.'"
-dusty-kat
GiphyDivision Of Labor
"I'd let octopuses rule the seas, elephants rule the land, and crows rule the skies."
-ruffsnap
"I argue we they should get full control of the planet."
"Birds are dumb as hell, don't let their nut dropping antics fool you. And like, do you really want to be ruled over by something big and threatening and thrice your size? Octopodes are small and squishy and very smart and already have an alliance formed with the squids for this precise contingency."
-Plethora_of_squids
GiphyEndangered Species
"I’d love to see the endangered or hunted species of a given area become the ruler of that specific place. So-nutria & gators in Louisiana, wolves & cattle in the Midwest, tigers & pangolins & sharks & antelope & rhinos & dogs & bears & fox & etc etc etc in China…ex like that. I like poetic justice."
-Sobadatsnazzynames
GiphyFormidable Formicidae
"Ants, if they could reach our level of intelligence in combination with their coordination could make a powerful civilization."
-sticky-man1229
"ANTS"
"The ant is one of the world's strongest creatures in relation to its size. A single ant can carry 50 times its own bodyweight, and they'll even work together to move bigger objects as a group! Ants carry leaves and twigs back to their nests!"
-PoeticThesaurus
GiphyIt's About Time
"Crocodiles. They've survived hundreds of millions of years. It should be their turn."
-DirtySingh
GiphyMaybe we should give a few of these animals the chance to be in charge.
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Having a pet can positively impact your life.
They lift your spirits up when you feel dejected, they'll snuggle up to you when you need it most, and they'll even make you laugh with their mischievousness when you least expect it.
So how do we even begin to ensure our four-legged pals know they're loved and also taken care of?
Curious to hear how we can make our pets happy, Redditor TimeMasterBob asked:
"Veterinarians of Reddit, what is something most pet owners can do to make their pets lives better?"
Being tactile was a common suggestion for pet owners.
Reach Out And Touch
"10 years working at a Animal Hospital. Help your pet get used to being touched. Especially when they are young. You and by extension your vet needs to be able to look into your pets mouth. Look into their ears. Touch their feet and toes. Vet visits are tourture for animal who don't like being touched. And you can miss something important if you don't look at these things yourself regularly, because 'he doesn't like it.'"
Handle With Care
"I think the best thing you can do for your new pet, especially a puppy or kitten, is handle it A LOT when they're young. Getting them used to have their feet handled, nails trimmed, mouth opened (even extra benefit if you get them used to teeth brushing daily - gold standard for at home dental care), ears touched (particularly breeds prone to ear infections - huge benefit in the future if you have to administer topical ear medication)… Restraint is also a big thing. I always tell my clients to practise restraint with their animals. That wriggly puppy that is cute when it nips when you hold it still grows up into a large dog that can't be safely examined because it hasn't learnt to be okay with restraint."
Interaction
"Rather than just getting them a bunch of toys and hoping that keeps them entertained...just sit on the floor and actually interact with them for a bit. Establishes a connection, and is cheaper than a bunch of fancy products that you toss to them and hope they are enthralled."
Being attentive to their health was another topic of discussion to ensure the happiness of pets.
About Cages
"For small pets, stop shoving them in tiny cages and then forgetting about them!! Most pet store cages are incredibly tiny compared to the bare minimum the specific animals need. Do your homework and make sure you are getting something large enough. And for pets that you can, LET THEM OUT! Guinea pigs, rabbits, some birds, they want to be let out and love the extra space. Just do it safely. Again do your homework to make sure you create a safe space for your pet to play."
Health
"Removing a mass when it's small is faster (less anaesthetic risk), less invasive, less painful, less expensive and has a better chance of curing cancer should the mass turn out to be cancerous. This is even more pressing on delicate areas like eyelids and feet where there may not be a lot of extra tissue to work with should a large lump need to be removed."
"Cartrophen/pentosan/zydax injections are relatively cheap and can keep your pet comfortable by not only helping to prevent future arthritis but by helping to ease any that is already present."
"Dental disease is serious! Pets will continue to eat even with their teeth forming abscesses. The infection can spread through their body, including to their heart. Removing rotten teeth is the kindest thing you can do for your pets as they age, especially if you haven't been proactive in preventing periodontal disease. They can still eat even with full mouth extractions, and will be /so/ much happier! People often tell me how their pet seems younger again after their rotten teeth are extracted."
"Edit: To add - regular checkups are very important! At least annually. People often come in saying 'my dog is so healthy he hasn't been to a vet in years.' After looking at the dog I can usually find a few major issues that should have been addressed years ago."
Keep A Healthy Diet
"Not let them get overweight. Get their nails trimmed regularly. - licensed vet tech."
Active Nose
"One of the best things for a dog is sniffing! You can crumple up paper and hide treats in the pieces and scatter them about, toss treats into long grass, or just let your dog really take the time to explore a new area! Anything that gets that nose going is a good place to start :)"
These veterinarians gave detailed points about how to take better care of your pets.
Make Them Members Of The Family
"I am a veterinarian. I'd like to see people focus not just on quantity but quality of their pet's life. The best thing you can do for that is just incorporate them into your life as much as possible. Pay attention to them! Love them! Lots of walks! Lots of games! You'd be surprised what they can learn. Play hide and go seek. Play fetch. Sit beside them when you watch TV, pet them. Train and socialize them early and well so you won't avoid them because they're not well behaved."
"We're all so busy, it's so easy to make them an afterthought. You are their whole world and unless you live on a big farm where they run free, you are their only outlet for activity and happiness. They get bored fast, just like we do. They can't wait for you to get home. They've missed you! Take them for a walk. Do a fun training or agility class with them if you'd like."
"For health, the biggest things are 1. Exercise, 2. Pay attention to what can be dangerous/toxic for them and avoid it (heads stuck in potato chip bags is one people miss lately, and keep your drugs out of their reach! They're small and more easily affected), 3. Brush their teeth."
"Enjoy your pets! They love you!"
Overall, "Be Nice"
"Vet here. Here's my best advice, condensed."
- "Thin pets live longer than fat pets. Google a BCS chart and make sure your pet has a visible waist and palpable ribs. No crash diets."
- "Dental disease is WAY more serious than you think. Get the scale and polish. If we have to extract teeth (and believe me, we would prefer not to), they will still be able to eat."
- "Get your pet a series of cartrophen (or zydax, or pentosan polysulfate) injections when they turn 8. They help slow down the progression of arthritis and are safe and cost-effective."
- "If your cat is stressed at the vet, take home some gabapentin to put on her food before her next visit. She will be safe, happy, and calm, and the vet will be able to examine her more thoroughly."
- "Know what's toxic for your pet. DEFINITELY don't have lilies in the house if you have a cat."
- "Discuss finances. Your vet wants what's best for your pet, and is obligated to recommend all your best options....but if you tell us what you can afford we can usually come up with a reasonable plan."
- "You deserve a vet you trust. If you don't trust yours, find one that you do."
8 ) "Put your 24-hour ER vet's address into your google maps/GPS favorites so you don't have to find it in an emergency."
9) "High-quality kibble is fine unless your vet tells you otherwise. Don't feed a dog a grain-free diet unless YOUR vet tells you to (like for an allergy)."
10) "You can almost definitely give your cat a pill. Ask us for tricks."
11) "BE NICE. We are human and we all care INTENSELY. Even if we hate YOU, we probably love your pet."I've never had a pet growing up, but I've always known someday I would get a dog.
Seeing other pets always makes me happy. And while I know being a pet owner takes a lot of work and dedication, I have a feeling that wouldn't be a problem.
After all, they are a member of the family.
But when the time comes when I become a dog dad for the first time, I'll definitely be keeping these helpful suggestions in mind to ensure my new best friend will be a happy pet.