"I'm just going to leave and never come back, that cool?"
1. Me and friend are under this old train bridge out in the middle of nowhere checking out the graffiti under it. I'm checking out this piece next to a pile of rolled up old carpet. Suddenly I hear "can I help you?" I look down and see a dudes head sticking out of one of the carpet rolls, about gave me a heart attack. Turns out its some homeless guy that lived under there, he was wrapped up to stay warm. Dude ended up being chill, we explained we were just looking at graff, he said he was just worried we were gonna hurt him. After chatting with him he went back to sleep and we went on our way.
2. Broke into an abandoned mansion in my hometown. Place has been empty for as long as I can remember. It stands on a massive property on the side of a busy road, and there is a big lake behind the house. I went in broad daylight, the property and hedges are large enough that I wasn't immediately visible from the road. Broke in through a back window. The majority of the house was dark, most of the windows and French doors had been boarded up. House was really creaky, like an old ship. There was a lot of really ugly late 60s/early 70s furniture, everything was gold or brown or orange. Found some mail in a front room, all dated around August 1995, so I figured that's when the former owners must've left, for whatever reason. In another room I found a kid's toys- but they didn't look old, they looked like someone had just been playing with them recently. In the kitchen, I found some empty cans of beans that also looked relatively new, and in the pantry, there were urine soaked sofa cushions someone had been using as a bed. This is when I started to get freaked out, because obviously someone had been there somewhat recently, but they didn't seem to be there.
I went up to the second floor. The floor of the upstairs hallway was so warped that it was curved in a rainbow shape, and was hard to walk down. In the last bedroom at the end of the hall, I found a room full of birthday cards. I mean hundreds of birthday cards. They all, in some way or another, were wishing someone named Eric a happy birthday, only that they were all written by the same hand. Most seemed to have been written with the same pen, even.
Finally, I went up to the third floor. The hallway was so warped I had to brace myself against the wall. I had barely started when I heard movement from a bedroom a little ways down- it sounded like slapping and dragging. I stood as quietly as possible until a pair of filthy hands came out of the doorway and a man began to pull himself across the threshold into the hall. He wasn't groaning- I can't think of a word, but it was far more aggressive than groaning. I bolted, ran all the way down the stairs and back out the window I came in. I looked back but didn't see anyone following me.
This happened in Suffolk County, Long Island back in June 2009, and no, not in Amityville. The mansion has since been torn down and the lot remains empty.
3. My friends and I went into an old WW2 bomb shelter in some woods when we were about 10 years old. In them we found very explicit drawings in pencil of cartoon characters naked doing sexual acts. Like Kim Possible, every Simpsons character and some Family guy ones too.
4. There's an old abandoned mental asylum near where I live which is pretty creepy.
It's got a pretty depressing history, (history meaning the stories other kids told me).
Anyway the asylum is huge and because it's pitch black, it's so easy to get lost, it's like a labyrinth inside, makin git very confusing and disorienting. It smells weird, and is filled with relics from the past, like hospital beds machines etc.
But the scariest thing that happened to me personally was the last time I went. Me and my friends walked into a dark room, and the entire ()
and the entire floor was missing, apart from a small patch directly in front of the door. As I was walking in, I almost fell completely down the hole, which was like a 2 storey drop, I was probably like half an inch from really messing myself up.
5. A family everyone in the neighborhood disliked moved out without telling anyone, nearly a year later people started exploring their old trailer. Me and two other friends were bored and high when we decided to get in on the urban exploring, we went at night with flashlights. We had a full five minutes (I think) of running around the old trailer before everything went to hell.
We were poking around the master bedroom when we heard cars or trucks coming down the gravel driveway, one friend dived into the closet and the other followed him, there was an open window leading to the back deck that we could have used but panic set in and I didn't want to abandon my friends. We sat there cowering while at least six people speaking and yelling in Spanish tore apart the trailer for the copper and stuff in the walls. We don't know how long we were in there, the time estimates ranged from an hour to 3 hours, but it was long enough for them to take most of the metal siding from the trailers exterior and bust up all the walls we ran past afterwards. One friend knew Spanish and would whisper translations, it was just them screaming to tear down this or that along with instructions to duck down when a car passed on the street, sprinkled in between were laughter and curses. One said something and they all laughed really hard, she told us he said he'd [mess] up any cops that showed and translated all the banter of specifically how they'd kill the cop, we told her to shut up after that. They weren't dumb teenagers, these were grown men who joked about murder while tearing apart someones home for scrap metal.
The three of us hiding in a nasty closet while a bunch people scavenged the house was the most terrifying abandon building experience I've ever had.
6. I went into an abandoned elementary school with some of my friends once. There was actually a homeless dude jerking off in the bathroom. I was 14 and had never seen a penis in real life before. The school is in walking distance of my house and I avoid it at all costs, even now.
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7. I always go in numbers and every time we leave a place we assume is completely abandoned, we always scream out, "if anyone is here let your presence be known."
Then 75% of the time we hear a yell or clapping. Then we freak the hell out, then try to convince ourselves that we didn't really hear anything.
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8. I was exploring this really awesome abandoned Victorian-era mansion-turned-mental-asylum. It had everything; a stone ballroom, indoor fountain, huge staircase at the entrance that looked straight out of Resident Evil, a tower, patient rooms, the works. What made it even cooler was that I had stumbled into the place totally by accident. I had been exploring a nearby building on a whim and as it turned out it connected to the mansion.
I had been in there for at least an hour, maybe more, and I only had a few rooms left to explore. I walk into a big one on the top floor of the place and the first thing I see is a sign that says ()
something along the lines of "WARNING: Extremely high levels of asbestos in this area. Respirators must be worn. If you have been exposed go to [nearby hospital's ER] immediately."
I immediately sprinted the hell out of there, threw my clothes in the wash first thing when I got home, and took a really long shower. I also never went exploring again without having a P100 respirator on first.
9. There's an old abandoned slaughter house outside my hometown my friends and I used to go exploring in. One day during midday we where wondering around the upstairs when we heard people on the main floor talking. Kind of spooked we quieted down and looked for some cracks in the very old floor boards to try and spy on the people downstairs.
What we saw where three older guys (older than us, still in high school), they where smoking put of a pipe and after they finished they entered one of the rooms near the back of the plant leaving the door ajar. We slowly made our way down the stairs moving as quietly and as fast as we could. After making it to the main floor I decided I wanted to see what they where doing so I slipped away from my friends heading to the car to try and get a peek. I moved 15 or 20 yards down from the front of the door and hid behind a stack of old planks and gravel.
I looked in and could see that they where smoking again, and were fooling with a bunch of containers (some boiling) and with tubes. Holy crap I thought to myself, we got some real life meth heads here. Then I realized that they probably wouldn't take kindly to my prying eyes and began moving out and back to the car. As I'm moving and trying to keep an eye on them, I knocked over some stuff (I honestly can't remember what). I remember scurrying to try and catch the stuff before it hit the ground. I failed. There was a loud crash and a "THE F___ WAS THAT?". I bolted as fast as I could to the car screaming "START THE CAR!", I jumped in the car and we peeled out. As the dust from the gravel road cleared I could see them standing by the door.
10. On Angel Island in San Francisco Bay, there's an abandoned WWII military base including an old hospital. You can explore the buildings, but the lower floor staircases have been removed so you can't go up onto the upper floors and potentially get hurt. Well, being reckless 15 year olds, my friends and I decided to boost the most nimble guy up to the second floor so he could see what it was like up there. Apparently it was mostly like the rest of the hospital, except there was a room on the third floor that was padlocked shut and had "keep out" painted on the door. Yes there was photographic evidence so he wasn't just messing with us. I have no idea what they'd need to keep locked up on the theoretically inaccessible third floor of an abandoned hospital, and I'm not sure I want to know.
11. Been exploring all kinds of things for years, on and off.
In actual buildings, structurally questionable stairs or floors. You learn to tread carefully really, really fast, and give things a good eyeball before putting weight on them. Nearly went through a few floors/stairwells as a teenager exploring abandoned factories/buildings that dated back years.
With tunnels and stuff, "bad air" is the scariest thing ever. CO2 concentrates in deep spots with poor ventilation, so its fairly easy to blunder into a place where you find yourself "out of breath" a lot but still "breathing". If that happens, double back as fast as possible. High concentrations of CO2 also tend to elicit a "fear" response, so if doing tunnel/underground exploring and you find you are suddenly feeling extra jumpy and short of breath, back the hell out.
Another very scary thing with tunnels and such is the (Continued on the next page!)
"rotten eggs" smell of H2S (hydrogen sulphide), which is an absurdly poisonous, smelly gas. If you smell it, and suddenly can't smell it anymore, its time to get the hell out to fresh air. The most insidious thing about hydrogen sulphide is that it "numbs" the receptors that smell it at higher concentrations, and it is easily going to kill you stone dead. Some old tunnels like disused sewer systems will contain this stuff.
Finding empty houses that seem to just have been left "as-is" for a few years is always creepy as hell, also usually smells either funky ("musty") or bad (rotting stuff, food, etc) depending on the vintage of the house.
Only had one experience with "abandoned" farmland, but stumbling across animal bones while already a bit spooked is sure to get the heart pumping for a bit!
While exploring things is never going to be a risk-free endeavour, usually the most "risk" or the scariest thing is going to be getting picked up by the police or site-security. Usually you can talk your way out of these situations quite readily, just don't get arrested with any tools on you, or else it probably will go south!
I have never been prosecuted or charged with anything for exploring physical locations, the worst was threats of prosecution and it taking a few weeks to get my camera back - sans photos for "whatever reason" - from the police. That incident being entirely my own damn fault too - I was not particularly careful about avoiding being spotted getting into the place (an abandoned shopping centre in an urban location, beside a busy road, with CCTV).
12. I love to explore the abandon Titan Nuclear Bases in Colorado. I have had a few really terrifying experiences down there. A link to some pictures are at the bottom.
1. We were held up at gunpoint. While at the end of a really long dark tunnel we saw a light at the other end. As to not scare the crap out of anyone, we try to make our presence known when we see other explorers. We yelled down the tunnel and they yelled back telling us they were coming to us. When they got there, they all had guns. 3 in total, one had a shotgun and the other two small pistols. They told us to drop all of our gear (including lights and phones) and to step away. Not wanting to die in an abandoned silo, we complied. They took everything we had and slowly backed away, guns still drawn. I know the place pretty well because I go down there a lot but getting out in the pitch black was VERY nerve wreaking and dangerous. If it was anyone else but us (since we knew this place inside and out) they most likely would have seriously injured themselves or even died.
2. In this complex are missile silos that go 10 stories into the ground. Most of them are filled up with water and other nasty stuff. Around the sides of these silos are all the old pipes and air ducts hanging off the walls. Being the dumb guys we are, we like to climb on them to get to otherwise inaccessible rooms. My buddy held the light for myself and one other. As we climbed, my friend lost his footing and fell about 30 feet into the water below. He didn't surface for about 15 seconds, the 15 longest seconds of our life. He was able to grab some pipes and climb up to us and we helped him out. He left everything he had besides his pants and shirt there because we didn't know what all could be in that water. He had cut his leg pretty bad on something in the water and we rushed to a hospital. We got there in time to get the cut cleaned and luckily it did not get infected (we did not tell them we were exploring the silos, we told them he fell at a construction site. I know this was probably stupid but we did not want to get in trouble). He got a really bad cold for the next few weeks.
3. We like to take people down there who have never seen it and give them tours. We even mapped it out and studied the history of it to give them a real cool experience. We were taking a few girls down there. In total there were 6 of us. We get down into one of the main rooms from which there are multiple tunnels branching off. Right at the entrance to the tunnel that led to the silos, there was a hatch door that had broken off the wall and was laying on the ground. There was a decent size puddle of blood on it. We touched the blood (with gloves on) and it (Continued on the next page!)
could not have been more than a few hours old. There were splotches of blood leading away from the puddle. The most unnerving part was that it led DEEPER into the complex, not out of it. We (being the idiots we were) decided to follow it. It led to one of the silos that did not have much water in it. It dropped about 50 feet into the ground before being too dark to see. The blood was covering the ledge right next to the drop, the rope that chained the drop off, and a bunch of the pipes on the walls. We looked all over for the source hoping that no one was injured. We couldn't find anything so we noped out of there real quick.
4. I went down there alone once, and only once. Adjacent to the circular silos are these circular rooms that are three stories with each floor connected by a ladder. Outside of one of the rooms was a bunch of water filling a tunnel. Something about this water was... off. It was much darker and seemed to be more still than any of the other water there. You would drop things in it and though a greenish haze see them ever so slowly sink to the bottom, sometimes just staying suspended above the ground by whatever the fuck nasty chemicals are in the water. Inside the room on the top floor was this huge demonic painting. It depicted a girl with her rib cage exposed and her organs falling out, forming the head of another girl below with arrows going through it. There were goat skulls and all sorts of creepy stuff. I went there alone just once. I sat in that room in the pitch black for about an hour and just listened to the silence. The vibes i got were super crazy. Nothing really happened but i had never felt more hopeless, alone or scared in my entire life. I left after about an hour.
13. There was a man living in the last one, it was something ripped straight out of a horror movie. He just saw us, rose to his feet and bolted it at us, screaming his head off.
14. I went into the old hospital in my city which has been demolished now, it was huge! Here it is when it was running. Anyway we went down some stairs, like service stairs which were metal and obviously the public didn't use when it was open. As we descended we came across a dark room, we used our torches and looked around we noticed a small bedding area, and above that on the wall there was spray paint which said "WE ARE THE THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT" and we heard this almighty crash, I've never noped out of somewhere so quickly.
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15. There is this small town in the mountains on the way to a ski resort I used to work at and a lot of people go to. It's probably the weirdest town ever. One way in and way out by a bridge over a river that basically surrounds the town. Basically you go there during the day and the place is a ghost town. No one out. Once night falls, you start to see ladies pushing strollers walking their dogs, etc. There is this old bed and breakfast there that has been abandoned for years. It was built in like 1890 or something like that. It was an Inn for families to stay that had husbands that were loggers back 100 years ago. Story goes that there was this girl Alice, that had a husband who died logging. She got word that he had been killed in an accident. She proceeded to hang herself in the attic of the Inn (was able to find old newspaper articles and archives that proved this true). A lot of people used to say they saw her walking the halls some time after she died. Employees that worked the bed and breakfast before it closed in the '90's reported lots of weird things happening. We used to go there and try and scare ourselves. I kid you not, one time we were shining flashlights in the top window, and slowly one of the curtains opened and stayed open for a few seconds then slowly closed. Note that the top floor no longer existed because it collapsed years earlier. There was no way anyone could be on the top floor. Pretty creepy. We got older and then started going there and breaking in and drinking and whatnot. Experienced many weird noises but nothing that weird.
16. I was hiking with some friends, in a place near Payson, way north of Phoenix. It was about 11pm, and we had gone on a camping trip, and were just hiking way out in the pine trees.
Two of my friends, mind you, stayed by the campfire.
We swore, we still swear to this day, that we heard what sounded like those two friends having a conversation. It was so distinct, we almost made out what they were saying. We weren't too creeped out by this at the time, we were more creeped out by the constant feeling that something was in the forest, watching us.
We walked back to the campfire, and our friends weren't there. We then walked a mile up to where the cabin was, and they were inside, watching The Simpsons.
We asked them if this was some dumb prank, and they were baffled, they had been in the cabin since we decided we wanted to hike.
I don't know if I believe them, but that constant feeling that there were 3 of us in the forest, when I know there were only two....it leads me to believe something weird was happening.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.