Uhhh... I'm just gonna show myself out.
1. Once, many years ago, I drove to my boyfriends house wearing lingerie and heels under a trench coat (like you see in movies from time to time). I had my portable CD player ready to go with some romantic music for when he opened the door. Well, he opened the door and I pushed play and opened my coat to reveal the lingerie. We just stood there awkwardly so I stopped the music. He invited me in and we sat on the bedthats it. Just sat. After a few minutes of small talk he said this probably isnt turning out how you planned. Nope.
2. I bought my girlfriend a bunch of her favorite candies for Valentines Day. She broke up with me and now Im left with a broken heart and a bag of crappy candy.
3. I was making out with my then boyfriend and I told him I was going to give him a hickey but I realized I didnt know how to give someone a hickey so I bit him on the neck really hard, like broke the skin hard, panicked, and immediately drove him home. My friends will never let me live it down and a favorite comeback of theirs is oh what are you going to do, bite me??
4.I had a crush on this guy who recently broke up with his girlfriend, so I decided to stop by his store and give him flowers to cheer him up. He gave me a big smile and I assumed he appreciated the gesture. The next day, he told me to never stop by his store again :(
5. I was dating this guy a few years ago and we had been together for maybe three or four months. He lived two hours away, so I thought (while he was visiting) that it would be nice to give him something sweet before he went back home. I made a small box out of paper and put little notes inside. I wrote cute song lyrics and lovey stuff like Ill be with you through anything and things similar to that. When he opened the box and read the notes (after he got back home), he wasnt very enthused. It was a ding in our relationship and in my self confidence when he basically said he didnt really like the notes. We broke up a few months after that.
6. After the prom I played truth or dare with my bfs friends. They told me to bite his nose, still a weird dare but obviously I was supposed to nibble seductively. Instead I actually (Continued)
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Instead I actually bit semi hard and actually Im cringing to remember that right now!
7. I always dreamed of a romantic first kiss. When I was 15, me and my friend were hanging out at a park late at night. When a group of teenage boys walked by. We, being mature 15 year olds, cat called them. I jokingly asked for a kiss goodnight (even though Id never saw them before) a guy stepped forward and next thing I know, Im kissing a stranger. It was really slobbery and he missed my lips, he was making out with my upper lip, didnt even touch my bottom lip.
The worst part is it was my first kid and I never learned the kids name and it was dark and I was so freaked out about getting kissed I dont even know what he looked like. Definitely not the romantic comedy first kiss in the rain moment i was looking for.
8. Not to me but to my parents. My dad and Mom were just friends in college and my dad started to like my mom. One day while they were studying my dad decided to make a move. My dad kissed my mom and my mom responded with, damn it! I just wanted to be friends!
Fast forward a few months and theyre engaged. My dad proposed to at a beautiful poorly named valley, Dead Horse Valley, really captures the essence of their relationship.
9. One time my then boyfriend (and now husband) and I had snuck off on campus to stargaze because our university was strict about no coed dorms, even for visiting. After a lot of stargazing we ended up in a position that looked like this: me laying on my stomach, and him sitting on my legs whilst he admired my butt. Only, I didnt realize how close his face was too my read end, and I had some major gas I was holding in. Next thing I know, he spread my cheeks and I ripped is HARD directly into his face that was within two inches of my booty. Incredibly, we made it through that, and we still laugh about it even three years later
10. Our first Christmas together, I bought lingerie and one of those huge 5 ft stockings that I could fit in and be waiting on him when he got home. Well instead I met him at a bar after work and took so many shots of tequila that when we finally did get home I told him to wait a minute that I had a surprise and I went in the bedroom to try and do what I had planned. I was too drunk to even try to get into the lingerie and as I was trying to get into the stocking I fell off the bed and (Continued)
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I was trying to get into the stocking I fell off the bed and hit my face on the corner of the nightstand giving myself a black eye and busting my lip open. Instead of the sexy night I had planned my boyfriend ended up holding frozen veggies on my face while I vomited up the 11 shots of Patron. But 8 years later weve been married for 5 years and have 2 amazing kids.
12. The first time my boyfriend went down on me, he came up with a face full of blood so I start freaking out and then he looks in the mirror and starts freaking out and it was the most embarrassing moment of my life until he remembers he had a nose bleed that morning.
13. My girlfriend and I had our first kiss on a rollercoaster, at age 14. On a school field trip. Neither of us knew what we were doing. It went about as well as you can imagine.
14. Made a romantic dinner of roast chicken for my (now ex) boyfriend. I ended up giving us both food poisoning, and he ended up crapping his pants. He asked me to rinse out his underwear while he was in the shower. Uhno.
15. I have been journaling everyday for the past few years. For me and my boyfriends one year anniversary, I made a journal filled with all of the entries written about him/us (some of which about our sex life). When I gave it to him, he (Continued)
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When I gave it to him, he loved it and kept it in his room. His mom snooped while he was away, and read ALL about our relationship in full detail in a convenient little book I wrote. Ive never been so embarrassed in my life.
16. He put a rose on my car and my 2 separate jobs (in different towns). I thought I had a stalker and my boss almost called the police.
17. My first kiss ever went horribly. I had googled advice on how to do it, and one thing they all had in common was to closing your eyes. So at the end of one of the best dates Ive ever my heart is pounding because I really want to end it on a good note so I closed my eyes and lean inand practically sucked her nose. 4 years later its the funniest thing to both us, guess she figured I had no place to go but up.
18. About a month into dating my current boyfriend (who I have been dating for three years), I went over to his house and we decided to watch a movie. Before the movie, he offered me a piece of gum and I said yes. Well during the movie we started making out and all of a sudden I just froze. The gum, which was still in my mouth had traveled into his and I had no idea what to do, so I just kept kissing him but he knew something was wrong. So he pulled away and I started nervously laughing, and he asked what was so funny. I told him that my gum went into his mouth and I was super embarrassed, no clue what to do. He was like I wondered why my gum suddenly got so much bigger. Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life, that he still brings up to this day
19. When I was 14 and stupid thirsty, I painted my crushes face for our schools Halloween haunted house and then asked him about it a few days later online. He said something really normal and something along the lines of Its awesome. My overactive brain then processed this simple response to a whole new level and I ended up (Continued)
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My overactive brain then processed this simple response to a whole new level and I ended uptelling him that he deserved a cookie (ya know the meme) and wanted to give him a cookie. I then got a cookie, drew the meme out on a little piece of paper and gave it to him a few days later. He rejected the cookie and said he didn't eat cookies, I called him evil, and I avoided him most of the time till he graduated.
20. My husband has a lot of memory loss from being blown up when in the Army. I asked his friends to send me stories and photos if they had any so I could put together a book for his 30th birthday. I gave myself a year to do it. Ended up with 1 story and 2 photos. None of my plans to do nice things ever end up working.
21. I dated a guy for three months and on New Years Eve he stopped responding to my texts. I thought this guy was going to be it; he was everything I wanted in a person and we worked well together. So, I put on a cute outfit and good underwear and at 11:30pm I drove to his house in a grand romantic gesture to talk and fight for our relationship. No one let me in. I sat outside on his porch in the cold for 45 minutes listening to whoever was inside loudly watch 30 Rock. I broke up with him through a text the next day because he still wouldnt acknowledge my messages or calls and kept liking memes on Facebook about being single. So much for that.
22. My boyfriend and I had been together for almost 9 months, and I still had no possible idea of what he would want for Christmas. We live in a pretty small area, and so I decided to take him about an hour away to the nearest Krispy Kreme store, and I wanted to do something romantic and take him ice skating because hed never been before. Well he wasnt too good at it and we just ended up going back home after about 15 minutes.
23. My husband is on a really trying job at the moment and sometimes he has to work weekends. One Saturday he went to work I decided to (Continued)
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clean the entire apartment top to bottom, did all the laundry, ironed, made him breakfast muffins for the week and was making creamed spinach, scalloped potatoes and steak for dinner. I got everything measured ahead of time for the recipes I was making. I started slicing the potatoes on the mandolin being very careful because I know how sharp they can bemy finger slipped on one of the potatoes and I sliced my thumb to the bonemy sister in law had to come over to help stop the bleeding and bandage me up. My husband had to finish the cooking. Not the relaxing evening I had planned for him.
24. I tried to carry her to the bedroom, tripped over a cord and fell on top of her. She ended up spraining her arm. So much for that!
- Anonymous
25. I wanted to set up our apartment for a romantic evening one cold winter night. I lit a few dozen candles and spread them around the room. Unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend (now husband) was at the doctor being diagnosed with pneumonia. When he arrived at our building, the elevator was broken and he had to walk up 7 flights. He was wheezing and coughing due to the illness and the stairs. When he walked in to the candle filled living room, he nearly passed out from the smoke! Needless to say, it was not the evening I had planned!
26. Before my husband and I were a couple, he thought it was be romantic to surprise kiss me. He whipped me around and started making out with me. I had no clue what was going on, not only was it my first kiss, it was my first make out session too. The kiss was sooo bad, I started licking his face because I didnt now what to do with my tongue. The entire thing was super awkward, I avoided him for the rest of the night. Later that night he messaged me on MySpace and asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. 8 years and two kids later, Im a way better kisser.
27. I had just started dating my current boyfriend, and his 20th birthday was literally 5 days from when we started dating. I turned up to his apartment to surprise him with a bunch of presents and cake but he had gone out with his family so I waited on his couch for 6 hours, creeping the hell out of his roommate (who didnt know I existed). He finally came home late at night (because the family dinner had turned into an argument), saw me, shut the cake in the fridge then went to bed. I thought he was an asshole for months before we cleared up this misunderstanding, but I still think it was rude to not at least say thank you to someone who bought you presents AND cake.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.