Uhhh... I'm just gonna show myself out.
1. Once, many years ago, I drove to my boyfriends house wearing lingerie and heels under a trench coat (like you see in movies from time to time). I had my portable CD player ready to go with some romantic music for when he opened the door. Well, he opened the door and I pushed play and opened my coat to reveal the lingerie. We just stood there awkwardly so I stopped the music. He invited me in and we sat on the bedthats it. Just sat. After a few minutes of small talk he said this probably isnt turning out how you planned. Nope.
2. I bought my girlfriend a bunch of her favorite candies for Valentines Day. She broke up with me and now Im left with a broken heart and a bag of crappy candy.
3. I was making out with my then boyfriend and I told him I was going to give him a hickey but I realized I didnt know how to give someone a hickey so I bit him on the neck really hard, like broke the skin hard, panicked, and immediately drove him home. My friends will never let me live it down and a favorite comeback of theirs is oh what are you going to do, bite me??
4.I had a crush on this guy who recently broke up with his girlfriend, so I decided to stop by his store and give him flowers to cheer him up. He gave me a big smile and I assumed he appreciated the gesture. The next day, he told me to never stop by his store again :(
5. I was dating this guy a few years ago and we had been together for maybe three or four months. He lived two hours away, so I thought (while he was visiting) that it would be nice to give him something sweet before he went back home. I made a small box out of paper and put little notes inside. I wrote cute song lyrics and lovey stuff like Ill be with you through anything and things similar to that. When he opened the box and read the notes (after he got back home), he wasnt very enthused. It was a ding in our relationship and in my self confidence when he basically said he didnt really like the notes. We broke up a few months after that.
6. After the prom I played truth or dare with my bfs friends. They told me to bite his nose, still a weird dare but obviously I was supposed to nibble seductively. Instead I actually (Continued)
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Instead I actually bit semi hard and actually Im cringing to remember that right now!
7. I always dreamed of a romantic first kiss. When I was 15, me and my friend were hanging out at a park late at night. When a group of teenage boys walked by. We, being mature 15 year olds, cat called them. I jokingly asked for a kiss goodnight (even though Id never saw them before) a guy stepped forward and next thing I know, Im kissing a stranger. It was really slobbery and he missed my lips, he was making out with my upper lip, didnt even touch my bottom lip.
The worst part is it was my first kid and I never learned the kids name and it was dark and I was so freaked out about getting kissed I dont even know what he looked like. Definitely not the romantic comedy first kiss in the rain moment i was looking for.
8. Not to me but to my parents. My dad and Mom were just friends in college and my dad started to like my mom. One day while they were studying my dad decided to make a move. My dad kissed my mom and my mom responded with, damn it! I just wanted to be friends!
Fast forward a few months and theyre engaged. My dad proposed to at a beautiful poorly named valley, Dead Horse Valley, really captures the essence of their relationship.
9. One time my then boyfriend (and now husband) and I had snuck off on campus to stargaze because our university was strict about no coed dorms, even for visiting. After a lot of stargazing we ended up in a position that looked like this: me laying on my stomach, and him sitting on my legs whilst he admired my butt. Only, I didnt realize how close his face was too my read end, and I had some major gas I was holding in. Next thing I know, he spread my cheeks and I ripped is HARD directly into his face that was within two inches of my booty. Incredibly, we made it through that, and we still laugh about it even three years later
10. Our first Christmas together, I bought lingerie and one of those huge 5 ft stockings that I could fit in and be waiting on him when he got home. Well instead I met him at a bar after work and took so many shots of tequila that when we finally did get home I told him to wait a minute that I had a surprise and I went in the bedroom to try and do what I had planned. I was too drunk to even try to get into the lingerie and as I was trying to get into the stocking I fell off the bed and (Continued)
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I was trying to get into the stocking I fell off the bed and hit my face on the corner of the nightstand giving myself a black eye and busting my lip open. Instead of the sexy night I had planned my boyfriend ended up holding frozen veggies on my face while I vomited up the 11 shots of Patron. But 8 years later weve been married for 5 years and have 2 amazing kids.
12. The first time my boyfriend went down on me, he came up with a face full of blood so I start freaking out and then he looks in the mirror and starts freaking out and it was the most embarrassing moment of my life until he remembers he had a nose bleed that morning.
13. My girlfriend and I had our first kiss on a rollercoaster, at age 14. On a school field trip. Neither of us knew what we were doing. It went about as well as you can imagine.
14. Made a romantic dinner of roast chicken for my (now ex) boyfriend. I ended up giving us both food poisoning, and he ended up crapping his pants. He asked me to rinse out his underwear while he was in the shower. Uhno.
15. I have been journaling everyday for the past few years. For me and my boyfriends one year anniversary, I made a journal filled with all of the entries written about him/us (some of which about our sex life). When I gave it to him, he (Continued)
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When I gave it to him, he loved it and kept it in his room. His mom snooped while he was away, and read ALL about our relationship in full detail in a convenient little book I wrote. Ive never been so embarrassed in my life.
16. He put a rose on my car and my 2 separate jobs (in different towns). I thought I had a stalker and my boss almost called the police.
17. My first kiss ever went horribly. I had googled advice on how to do it, and one thing they all had in common was to closing your eyes. So at the end of one of the best dates Ive ever my heart is pounding because I really want to end it on a good note so I closed my eyes and lean inand practically sucked her nose. 4 years later its the funniest thing to both us, guess she figured I had no place to go but up.
18. About a month into dating my current boyfriend (who I have been dating for three years), I went over to his house and we decided to watch a movie. Before the movie, he offered me a piece of gum and I said yes. Well during the movie we started making out and all of a sudden I just froze. The gum, which was still in my mouth had traveled into his and I had no idea what to do, so I just kept kissing him but he knew something was wrong. So he pulled away and I started nervously laughing, and he asked what was so funny. I told him that my gum went into his mouth and I was super embarrassed, no clue what to do. He was like I wondered why my gum suddenly got so much bigger. Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life, that he still brings up to this day
19. When I was 14 and stupid thirsty, I painted my crushes face for our schools Halloween haunted house and then asked him about it a few days later online. He said something really normal and something along the lines of Its awesome. My overactive brain then processed this simple response to a whole new level and I ended up (Continued)
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My overactive brain then processed this simple response to a whole new level and I ended uptelling him that he deserved a cookie (ya know the meme) and wanted to give him a cookie. I then got a cookie, drew the meme out on a little piece of paper and gave it to him a few days later. He rejected the cookie and said he didn't eat cookies, I called him evil, and I avoided him most of the time till he graduated.
20. My husband has a lot of memory loss from being blown up when in the Army. I asked his friends to send me stories and photos if they had any so I could put together a book for his 30th birthday. I gave myself a year to do it. Ended up with 1 story and 2 photos. None of my plans to do nice things ever end up working.
21. I dated a guy for three months and on New Years Eve he stopped responding to my texts. I thought this guy was going to be it; he was everything I wanted in a person and we worked well together. So, I put on a cute outfit and good underwear and at 11:30pm I drove to his house in a grand romantic gesture to talk and fight for our relationship. No one let me in. I sat outside on his porch in the cold for 45 minutes listening to whoever was inside loudly watch 30 Rock. I broke up with him through a text the next day because he still wouldnt acknowledge my messages or calls and kept liking memes on Facebook about being single. So much for that.
22. My boyfriend and I had been together for almost 9 months, and I still had no possible idea of what he would want for Christmas. We live in a pretty small area, and so I decided to take him about an hour away to the nearest Krispy Kreme store, and I wanted to do something romantic and take him ice skating because hed never been before. Well he wasnt too good at it and we just ended up going back home after about 15 minutes.
23. My husband is on a really trying job at the moment and sometimes he has to work weekends. One Saturday he went to work I decided to (Continued)
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clean the entire apartment top to bottom, did all the laundry, ironed, made him breakfast muffins for the week and was making creamed spinach, scalloped potatoes and steak for dinner. I got everything measured ahead of time for the recipes I was making. I started slicing the potatoes on the mandolin being very careful because I know how sharp they can bemy finger slipped on one of the potatoes and I sliced my thumb to the bonemy sister in law had to come over to help stop the bleeding and bandage me up. My husband had to finish the cooking. Not the relaxing evening I had planned for him.
24. I tried to carry her to the bedroom, tripped over a cord and fell on top of her. She ended up spraining her arm. So much for that!
- Anonymous
25. I wanted to set up our apartment for a romantic evening one cold winter night. I lit a few dozen candles and spread them around the room. Unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend (now husband) was at the doctor being diagnosed with pneumonia. When he arrived at our building, the elevator was broken and he had to walk up 7 flights. He was wheezing and coughing due to the illness and the stairs. When he walked in to the candle filled living room, he nearly passed out from the smoke! Needless to say, it was not the evening I had planned!
26. Before my husband and I were a couple, he thought it was be romantic to surprise kiss me. He whipped me around and started making out with me. I had no clue what was going on, not only was it my first kiss, it was my first make out session too. The kiss was sooo bad, I started licking his face because I didnt now what to do with my tongue. The entire thing was super awkward, I avoided him for the rest of the night. Later that night he messaged me on MySpace and asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. 8 years and two kids later, Im a way better kisser.
27. I had just started dating my current boyfriend, and his 20th birthday was literally 5 days from when we started dating. I turned up to his apartment to surprise him with a bunch of presents and cake but he had gone out with his family so I waited on his couch for 6 hours, creeping the hell out of his roommate (who didnt know I existed). He finally came home late at night (because the family dinner had turned into an argument), saw me, shut the cake in the fridge then went to bed. I thought he was an asshole for months before we cleared up this misunderstanding, but I still think it was rude to not at least say thank you to someone who bought you presents AND cake.
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy
"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
Giphy
"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
