Sometimes it's all fun and games... until a child grows up to be a very confused adult.
1. Do they do refunds?
"My father used to tell my sister that he bought her at a Walmart like store for $25."
- blaziken
2. The moon is my biggest client
"My brother convinced a group of like 9 year olds that he was the moon's lawyer once."
- MeltyMint
3. This lie was taken way too far
"My daughter, when she was six, I convinced her that swallowing a mentos would grow a mentos tree in your stomach... One day I accidentally swallowed one in the car, had a discussion with my wife about "oh, I'm sure I'll be fine, etc etc" then let it sit a few days.
Used her bathroom a few days later. After I flushed, I threw a couple dead leaves on the toilet...
Waited a couple more days...
Woke her up for school with a twig placed behind my ear...
Waited a couple more days...
Woke her up with a branch sticking out of my mouth and me "screaming" for her to remove it... She looks at me, screams "MOOOOOOMMMMMM!!! DADDY NEEDS A DOCTOR! A DOCTOR MOM!!!!" and runs out of the room...
Best part is she was nine before she finally realized it was all a joke. Her friends all believed I had a tree in my stomach... I found out she took the twig from behind my ear to show and tell that week and the teacher didn't have the heart to tell her it was a joke. She just believed it so much. She's fifteen now and loves this story... Good times."
- comp21
4. I hate to break it to you, but you weren't always human...
"I convinced my sister that she was originally an origami dolphin, and my mom wished really hard she turned into a little girl (a Pinocchio-esque situation). She cried and asked my mom, who went along with my story. Sis believed for years that she used to be an origami dolphin."
- HellaDawg
5. Yum! Delicious lies
"We convinced my younger brother that those giant bales of hay wrapped in white plastic were marshmallows on the marshmallow farm.
Which he believed until he was about 18 or so, when he angrily came home after embarrassing himself in front of his friends and got mad at us for lying to him about the marshmallow farms."
-transmogrified
6. Everyone needs to use this one
"That if you sit quietly in the car, it makes the (Continued)
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car go faster so you'll get there quicker. This one worked on me for an embarrassingly long time."
- table_fireplace
7. Stick it like a gymnast
"Not exactly a lie, but I taught my kid to jump up, do jazz hands and yell "Tada!" whenever she fell down as a toddler. She'll come tearing down the sidewalk, trip, skid a few feet, and then pop up, a little shaky, and say "Ta...(deep breath) Daaaaaa..." I feel bad every time I laugh at this."
- paper_liger
8. The splendour of impressionable young minds
"When I used to babysit I would tell the kids that the popcorn wouldn't pop unless they started jumping. They would always say "nuh-uh" but with popcorn it takes a about 30 seconds at least to start popping. I would say, "it sure does, watch" and commence jumping. POP POP POP. They're eyes would get huge. I'd feign getting tired so they would help, and I wound up with a kitchen of 3 and 4-year-olds jumping for a few minutes until movie time. During which they would usually fall asleep, and I would get to work on homework. :)"
- spar3chang3
9. Wow, this is genius
"Sleeping with different blankets give you different dreams. Got nightmares? Change the blanket."
- cptwacky
10. Santa's elves hard at work
"I live in south-central TX and we have a place on the coast, I've made the trip there & back hundreds of times at this point in my life. When we were small kids doing the drive down late one night, my uncle told us that the incredibly large, well-lit and operational refineries and chemical plants we were passing were outsourced factories full of Santa's elves churning out presents shortly before Christmas. 10/10 would fall for this lie again, it added a nice layer of wonder to that part of my life."
- kali_is_my_copilot
11. Uh-oh
"Whenever a kid at work tells me they have a loose tooth, I tell them I have a loose foot, then I wiggle my foot around. I tell them I think my foot's going to fall off soon, but it's ok because it's just my baby foot, and my grown up foot will come in soon. I'll put my foot under my pillow, and the Foot Fairy will bring me a dollar for it.
If they say something like "That's not true! It's just teeth that fall out, not feet!" I'll say "Well, why is my foot so wiggly then?" and wiggle it some more."
- NotMyNameActually
12. Toys R Us: the museum
"My dad had some good ones: Toys R Us is (Continued)
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Toys R Us is a museum, so no, we can't bring anything home. All the animals at the zoo are different kinds of dogs."
- duckspunk
13. You're being watched...
"My teacher girlfriend told her class that the smoke detectors were CCTV cameras. Every time one of them obviously lies, she goes "Well I'll just go check the tapes and see who's right", and they fess up. Works every time."
- Rwandrall
14. God is having a bad day
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
- Spongewordy
15. It's totally true, which is why only I should play this game
"When I was younger and spent my weekends at big arcades, I would often play this one rail shooter game that required you to sit in a chair in a big plastic sphere. I would often tell the kids waiting in line, "If you die in the game, you die in real life". The looks of horror fuelled me for years."
- DemonRemover
16. I'm one of you
"I had my three year old niece convinced I'm six years old, just super tall, for a bit this weekend. That was pretty funny."
- angela_bee
17. Who is going to get the family curse?
"I have large, sharp canine teeth. My nieces have flat canines. I told them this is because I'm a werewolf, and when they turn 10 (twins), I will choose one of them to pass the curse on to. This started when they were around 3 -4, and they are just starting to really question it at 8, but the fact that my mother and sister agree with every aspect of my story is really confusing them. I'm going to start using fake blood and other props to reinforce it."
- Parictis
18. Humans start off as dogs
"Told my sister that humans start lives off as dogs. It was so funny, she waited (Continued)
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patiently for our dog to turn into a human so she wouldn't be the youngest."
- nothingbutsass
19. Oh honey, she's got the salt shaker out again...
"When I was a kid my parents convinced me that if you pour salt on a bird's wings they can't fly. I spent years chasing birds after dinner in the summer (never succeeded). My parents told me it was some of the funniest stuff they've seen in their lives."
-adrienneirda
20. Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal in the princess world
"My buddy tells his daughter about all the different princess' he used to date, until she figures out which Disney movie he's referring to."
- moosecakems
21. I've got an in with Santa
"I told my young cousin that I had lived next to St. Nicholas before he became Santa Claus and that if I called him up he wouldn't get any presents."
22. I'm still working past this one
"Follow your dreams. He he he."
23. Always. No matter what.
"No matter how fast you run at automatic doors, they'll always open for you."
24. Let me tell you the monster gossip
I was terrified of the dark as a kid.
So when my son was little, and he was scared of the dark, I told him monsters have really bad eyesight and if you sit still in the dark, there is NO way they'd ever find you. In fact, being in bed increases your chances of survival because who eats anything out of a bed? It wouldn't make any sense.
Anyway, they don't attack little kids anymore because (Continued)
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a few years ago, some red-headed 4 year old girl down the street went wild and really messed up some monster with a plastic guitar and now they are kind of nervous around kids. Especially those armed with plastic guitars. Also they have NEVER trusted teddy bears. They think teddy bears still have the vestigial claws of their ancestors, which is kind of a racist thing monsters believe. Good night, and here's your teddy bear and el kabong guitar.
I did all KINDS of stuff like that when he was little.
25. Microwave towers. It doesn't seem too far fetched
"You see those big red and white towers? Those are microwave towers. That's what powers the microwave in the house. Kinda like a radio."
Mixing truth and lies is always the best bet.
26. I lost my butt!
"If you unscrew your bellybutton, your butt will fall off."
27. Your parents definitely don't have that much skill
My younger step-brother was questioning Santa and the Easter Bunny. We were outside building and spray painting something and a loose tooth he had finally fell out of his head. He told me he was going to save it to put under his pillow and all that jazz but he didn't think the tooth fairy was real.
I wasn't about to spoil it for him so I gave him the run-around. Where does the money come from? How can your parents get it under your pillow without waking you up? Why would your parents give you money for losing a tooth but not for when you ask for something you want?
And then he said "Well where does the Tooth Fairy get all the money?" And I said without missing a beat "She sells the teeth to the companies that make spray paint." I shook the can, rattled the bearing and a wave of understanding washed over his face before he ran off to tell him mom he'd finally lost his tooth.
28. I'm calling your real parents up and they're REALLY mean
"If you don't eat your greens, you going back to your real parent!"
29. A lot of these can be used on adults as well.
The world's largest number is 188,343,242,341
The theory of evolution states that your both your parents are frogs
Pluto became a star because (Continued)
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it was too small to be considered a planet.
A lion's roar can be heard from the moon.
Blue became a color in the rainbow in 1999.
Issac Newton invented gravity.
Thomas Edison invented the Earth in the mid 1500s.
Saturn is the only planet whose gravity pushes instead of pulls.
The letter 'Q' appears twice in the alphabet.
The iFell Tower in Paris, France was built by Apple Inc. in the mid 1960s.
Penguins are the only flying reptiles.
Monkeys are their own uncles.
The Leaning Tower of Pizza is not actually made of pizza.
China is on the other side of the world.
7000 children are hospitalized annually by running into walls trying to get to platform 9 and 3/4
Botanists (scientists that study robots) are all born in Spain.
If you wear 3D glasses for too long, everything becomes 3D permanently.
Giraffes are the only dinosaurs that are still alive today.
Circles are the world's biggest shapes.
Genetically, cars are more closely related to boats than they are to trucks.
NFL players account for 12.6% of the world's population.
Laws were legalized in 1823.
"The fox jumps over the dog" is the shortest sentence in the English language to contain every letter of the alphabet.
0 is not a number. Numbers start at 1.
The knight chess piece was invented when scientists noticed that horses can only move in an L direction.
Bicycles have 5 wheels, but 3 of them are cut off at birth.
It takes 4.28 years for the Earth to make a full rotation around the sun.
The ocean is more wet during the night than during the day.
Owls and bats are the only birds that are nocturnal.
Clouds are made of the smoke from cigarettes.
Windows were put on planes so that people wouldn't get cancer from the clouds.
Square bubbles can be blown by blowing square breaths
People are originally born as monkeys and then evolve into humans when they are 3 weeks old.
When a bear and a deer mate, they make a beer, a popular carbonated beverage.
Check out more lies here: Source
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.