Addicts Share Their Shocking Daily Routines, And Reveal Just How Horrifying And Difficult Addiction Can Be.
Addiction is an incredibly difficult thing for anyone. Whether it's an addiction to exercise, to alcohol, to drugs, or something else it can manage to take over and destroy your life until you don't even know who you are any more. Your routine is based solely on when you can get your next fix, and that's all you're ever thinking about.
Thank you to the awesome and brave souls who shared their stories with us, to help highlight the horrifying dangers of addiction. The road to recovery is a bumpy one fraught with twist and turns and potholes and roadblocks but it's a journey well worth embarking on.
1. My daily life when I was using:
Wake up dope-sick at about 8-9 am. Shoot up heroin in the bathroom with the shower running so roommates didn't know what I was up to. Often mixed in meth/coke for the energy boost.
I would then get ready and drive to work as a salesman for a major cell phone retailer. As soon as I got there, I would shoot up again in the car before I walked in the door. Many days I would steal iPhones or galaxy s3 phones and pawn them to stay high. It's a miracle they can't prove it and just withheld my last paycheck, or I would be in prison today for theft over $20k.
I would also call my parents and make up reasons I needed money, and sometimes just steal stuff from people's garages. I sold everything I owned, including my own phone and computer.
I had to steal if I did less than a gram of heroin a day I got sick. To actually get high I had to mix in Xanax or alcohol or meth or coke. Another party of my routine was contemplating suicide. Usually thinking about driving off a bridge on the highway.
I shot up everything except alcohol and Xanax, cause there's no reason to do so for those. I shot up about 7-9 times a day.
I've gone 6 months clean a week from today, and sharing this reminds me of why. Thanks for reading.
2. Alcoholic here. Wake up 4am. Can't get back to sleep. Take 6-10 Advil to stop the pain. Take 2mg of klonopin to stop from shaking. Eat half a roll of Tums to stop the burning. Lay awake tossing till the sun comes up. Tell yourself, "Today is the day I'm not going to drink." Have coffee, skip breakfast. 12 noon, hands start to shake. "Damn, I need a drink." Just one drink to calm you down, I'll stop after that. (Continued)
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3pm and I'm trashed on a couch watching Netflix, smoking cigarettes, ignoring texts. 6pm and rambling incoherently to anyone who will listen. 8pm passed out in a state of near death on a couch. 4am wake up and say to myself, "Today is the day I'm not going to drink."
3. I would usually wake up around 6 am to the sound of my dad getting ready for work, and I'd go throw up in my bathroom. If I threw up or peed the bed I would usually have a garbage bag in the room to throw my sheet into so I could take care of it later. This only happened a few times but it got more and more frequent. Usually the vomit was dark black, goopy, and extremely acidic. I found out later it was blood.
I had a constant supply of Tums that I would eat from. I would then drink a bottle of water, a hit from the bong to reduce nausea, and some valium to stop myself from shaking. I would then wake up at around noon and take more valium to stop shaking. I would usually sleep until about 2 or 3pm, sometimes up until 6pm. Once I woke I would take a few shots of captain morgan to keep the constant body high going, and depending on how much weed or valium I had I would try and make some calls to get some more. Around 7pm before my mother left for work I would go through her meds to find Klonopin and Ambien that I could take later in the evening. I was ALWAYS thinking ahead - because I liked to be completely obliterated by around 11pm. She took a quarter of a 10mg of ambien to sleep, and I would usually take about half of her bottle over the month (Between 20 to 60 depending on the script). Denial.
If I wasn't hanging out with friends that night I would be on the computer all night or with my girlfriend getting wasted and popping valium. Each valium was 10mg and I'd usually take around 20 per day. Eventually I would get really nauseous because I forget to eat, or just took too much, and I'd have to smoke weed and eat more Tums. If I didn't want to stop drinking at this point I would purposefully push the contents of my stomach up and I would vomit violently, and then continue drinking. By the time it was all winding down I would take up to 40mg of Ambien. At the time I liked to tell myself this was to sleep, but I always stayed up and drank with it in order to gain more of a body high/psychedelic experience.
Usually by this point my girlfriend would be passed out, and I would just be on the computer. Many of these nights I spent crying from 2 am to 5am, either when my dad would wake up and he could console me, or my girlfriend woke up. Needless to say those two and my substances were my only coping mechanisms. Many times my father would come check on me to make sure I was okay every morning.
This was my routine for 3 years until right around age 22. The only thing I have left that reminds me of it is a bald spot of cement on my floor where my black vomit destroyed the carpet, so we had to cut it out. When we got new carpet (they did this when I was in rehab) they left that cut out. Every morning my feet touch the cold reality of the world, and I am ever so grateful that I am alive. Sorry this was long winded. I had a hiccup last night after two years of sobriety and this was really perfect timing for me to write.
4. Wake up. Hit snooze. Hit snooze at least 3 more times. Brush teeth, outside for a smoke, and hit the shower. Groan under the hot water for at least 15 minutes, trying to burn some of the hangover away.
Drive to work, right in between half-pissed and hung-over, praying I don't get pulled over. Grab a takeout coffee so big I can swim laps in it. Stumble into work and hope nobody notices.
Somehow make it through the day, and since I didn't bring lunch, grab a slice or a sub for lunch. Now the work day is done, and it's time to head home.
Inventory the smokes. Are there enough for the night? Try to remember if there's enough ice and mix. Maybe pick up a bag of chips or something when I get more smokes. Stop at the liquor store and pick up a 375ml bottle of whatever, and 3 or 4 500ml beers.
Ah, now I'm home. Crack the first beer, and use it to chase a solid shot of the booze. There's a nice glow, good. Wait 10 or 15 minutes until for the warmth to spread before the first bowl of the night. Fire up the computer.
Take off my clothes, and throw them on the pile on the floor. (Continued)
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Put on my tattered robe from better days, and then grab the least dirty glass from the massive pile in the sink. Sit in front of the comp, in my underwear, bathrobe and socks, drinking, and smoking the night away. Maybe make a phone call. Maybe have a wank. Once in a while, score some lines, or an Oxy, just to mix things up.
Toss the empty beer cans in the general direction of a trash can. Maybe empty the overflowing ashtray, but only if a lit butt put another burn mark in the table. Try not to miss the toilet when I piss. In fact, try to piss a little harder to scrub the freckles off the bowl.
Down that last shot, then stagger into the bedroom and flop down on sheets that haven't been laundered in a month. Bam! Coma sleep.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat....for 30 years.
Picked up my 6-month chip last week. In those 6 months I have lost 40lbs, got a promotion, new clothes, new furniture, and this week I get a new car. I ended a toxic relationship, and have a great social life through the people I have met in AA. I'm not healed, but I'm healing, and I have a sense of optimism for the future that I haven't felt in decades.
Relying on a molecule for your happiness is a lot like repeatedly hitting yourself in the forehead with a hammer. It feels really good when you stop.
5. At the moment, my routine consists of total abstinence from drugs and alcohol for the first time in 23 years. October 25th will mark my 9th month clean. Prior to that I was chasing the dragon, smoking pot, snorting coke and drinking endless cans of beer, preferably in that order and in the same sitting.
Overall, I'd say my most 'routine' drug was pot. I started smoking it daily in 1989 and by the mid-nineties I was literally getting high every morning, noon and night. Painkillers entered the fray around '93 and by '97 I experienced opiate withdrawal for the first time.
By the late nineties, my opiate use had abated somewhat, but only because I was drinking heavily instead. Every morning, I would wake and bake, stay high all day and start throwing back Heinekens with dinner.
I was a relatively well-adjusted and productive addict. I put myself through college, maintained above a 3.0 GPA and graduated from a private liberal arts college with a bachelor's degree.
I was completely geeked on weed and Percocet in my cap and gown and I accepted my diploma with a smirk on my face as if I was proving something to the world.
In 2000, I landed a job at a major cable TV network primarily because I had a friend who worked there who told me that they didn't test employees for drugs. Brilliant! I thought. Not long after I was hired, I realized that my stellar health insurance plan was tailor made for an affable junky such as myself. Thus, I began a strategically structured regimen of drug-seeking and doctor shopping. It didn't take me long to find what Burroughs referred to as 'croakers' in his professional guidebook Junky. Oh, I was livin' the dream and rising to the occasion of all my addled, literary heroes. Burroughs, Jim Carrol, and that venerated liege of light and letters, Doctor Thompson would be proud.
By 2006, the dream had taken its inextricable turn to nightmare as I was taking painkillers in the morning solely to prevent junk sickness. At the time, my narcotic of choice was a particularly seductive combination of codeine and the barbiturate butalbital. Five of those knocked back with some chocolate milk around 6:30a and a couple of bumps of coke in the car on the way to work would have me sauntering down CNN's long plastic hallways like Dean Martin on an ether jag.
To say that my behavior had become erratic would be an insult to understatement. If I wasn't slurring my speech with a gleam in my eye at work, I was naked on all fours, sweating profusely and spewing bile into my toilet in the middle of the night. My wife was ready to divorce me and my employer was ready to fire me, but I won the lottery and was forced to take a leave of absence from work to go to rehab.
After that, I managed to clean up my act for a few months, but by 2007, I was back in the game and by 2010, I was fired. I managed to hide my use from my wife for a few more years and finally hit rock bottom last January in a cheap hotel room. (Continued)
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The jag that had lead me there was straight out of a bad Lifetime Original Movie. Driving around the most frightening neighborhoods imaginable with a one-eyed, 55 year-old hustler named LaVie and his lethargic pit bull 'Honey Bean.'
At one point I had a loaded .45 caliber Glock and $500 worth of Afghan smack in my lap as I drove past two police cruisers who were speeding in the opposite direction. My windows were down and as their sirens and flashing blues filled the interior of my my car I laughed maniacally to try and rival their intensity, but for the first time in three days both LaVie and Honey Bean looked genuinely concerned for our well being.
As I finished up the heroin, alone in my cheap hotel room, for the first time in my self-storied drug saga, I wasn't enjoying it. I was high out of my mind, as numb as I could ever want to be and all of a sudden, I felt a palpable sadness wash over me like a ghost. I was out of money. My gun was in the pawn shop and my wife and two little boys were at home wondering where I was. It was a terribly long time coming, but I had finally crossed the river. I'm not sure if it was death that visited me at the Days Inn, but I'm certain that it will be if I ever return.
6. Not a physical drug, but this was an average day in my life for about 12 years.
Wake up and slowly sit up. I couldn't stand or sit up quickly because I would start to black out (I was orthostatic). I didn't have to pee because I was so dehydrated. Feel hunger pains. They hurt but felt good. Weigh myself. Less than the previous day? Today was a good day. More than the previous day? Body, I hope you're ready to be punished. I was hungry, so I'd eat a packet of oatmeal. Then I'd feel guilty, so I'd chug a can of soda and purge the oatmeal and soda. Go to work. I wouldn't focus because I'd be thinking about what I ate the previous day, what my weight was that morning, what I was going to eat next, whether I was going to purge it, and where I was going to purge it.
Go to class. I wouldn't focus for the same reasons as above. Come home. Eat about 8-10 packages of frozen broccoli (purging it all as I went). While I was bingeing, I would reddit, Facebook, watch TV on my computer, etc. Maybe try to study during this time. Eventually pass out due to exhaustion. Or due to literally passing out and waking up on my bathroom floor with blood in the toilet. Wake up. Do the same.
7. When I was 12 I did my first line of Meth. It did not really become a habit until I was about 14. For a year I would go to school after being up all night , come home, smoke some weed and do some more meth with my boyfriend at the time and his best friend. When they would go home I would be up all night geeked out of my mind, constantly cleaning or doing homework. My grades were awesome that year. Then morning would come and I would go to school and start all over.
I would go days without eating or sleeping. My mom did a lot of drugs so she knew, but she was geeked out all the time as well. My friends at school had no idea. That was never really their scene. I got really skinny really quick, and I looked gross. Looking back at pictures my face was all broken out and my clothes were hanging off of me.
I quit doing it every day right after my 15th birthday. I was actually ready to drop acid for the first time but got scared and chickened out. After that I quit smoking weed and quit everything else. It was easy enough for me. Although whenever I smelled it when my mom was doing it I would get the shakes bad. This lasted for a long time. Well into my 20's. The thought of it would make me crave it. I loved it. I only quit because I saw what it did to my mom and did not want to be like her.
Im 26 now and that life seems like forever ago. I don't really talk to anyone who knew me back then so on the rare occasion I tell someone that story they find it very hard to believe. I agree. I am a totally different person now. Just as an after thought my boyfriend quit well before I did and grew up to be a very responsible healthy marine.
8. I'm kind of weak-willed, and get addicted to things very easily.
For a while, I was hooked on hydrocodones/loritabs/vicodin (any of those, really), but it went largely unnoticed because I lived in an apartment where everyone was partying constantly. I was around 20 at the time. I wound up selling most of my stuff to buy from a guy for usually around $4/pill. The day would usually involve me waking up, taking pills until a party starts, continue taking pills, go to sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not exactly interesting stuff.
Well, eventually I got tired of the party life, heard about some Argentinians who needed a roommate on a ski resort, so I left in search of peace of mind. (Continued)
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It actually worked quite well, but the ski season came to an end, and I wound up running off to Hawaii with a girl I hardly knew.
Naturally, that didn't work out, so I wound up moving back in with my parents for a couple of months. I was pretty down from a bad end to a bad relationship, and developed insomnia. Got prescribed Ambien, and the two months where I lived at my parents' were lost in a haze. Started taking more and more Ambien, with it having less and less of an effect, and eventually quit because the more they didn't work the more I thought suicide would.
I told a friend about all this, and he came and picked me up. I lived with him for a while, started going back to college. I was a Biology major (which didn't suit me one bit), so I resorted to Adderall. That got worse and worse, and lasted for a few years.
It got to where I would take one and then not fifteen minutes later I would start mentally psyching myself up to take the next one in ~2 hours or so. Of course, a legit prescription couldn't cover that many Adderall, so I got prescribed Ritalin and bought an entire Adderall prescription from a girl I knew every month (at a pretty reasonable $2-3/pill). It took a really, really long time for me to come to realize that it was making me stupid, and only after finding out that Adderall is "neurotoxic" (from someone on /r/nootropics, for the record), I finally decided to stop.
I've also gone through marijuana and drinking phases that lacked in any sort of moderation whatsoever, but this is already getting too long.
I've been sober for a couple of months now (completely sober, too), and I've been off Adderall for about 8 months or so. I still feel as though I'm operating from a... I don't know, cognitive deficit that I'm certain wasn't there before the Adderall, but c'est la vie, I suppose.
I've managed to replace drug addiction with an addiction to exercise, which I'm told isn't unhealthy, but probably also isn't "healthy" either.
On the plus side, I'm really muscular now and despite the fact that I'm only just now about to graduate college at 26 years old, most people think I have my ducks in a row. I don't know that I do, but it's nice of them to think that.
9. This was my routine 2 years ago.
Morning: Wake up, feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin, self harm, clean myself up, go to class.
Afternoon: Attempt homework, become overwhelmed, self harm, clean up, go for a walk/run to get coffee.
Night: Realize I "forgot to eat" all day, binge-eat, feel overwhelmingly guilty for binge-eating, force self to throw up, self harm to calm down, take too many aspirin, clean up, cry self to sleep.
I worried so many people and destroyed so many relationships during this time. I was stared at, called a freak, called crazy by my classmates, teased by my roommates, and failed classes left and right.
This is my routine now... (Continued)
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Morning: Wake up, make 2 cups of coffee, get ready for work, drive to work while playing my favorite music.
Afternoon: Work with kids all day, have fun, make people smile, get some giggles from people, and enjoy myself.
Night: Get home, "detox from people" by browsing the internet and watching TV, go to bed.
I still slip up from time-to-time, as I regularly forget to eat (honestly forget, not intentionally forget.), but I'm in a much better place mentally. :)
10. I wake up, and the first thing I do is prep a shot. Like before I even think, I prep a shot. I take a deep breath. I tie off, just about an inch above where I'm planning to enter the vein. I release my breath and push the needle in, waiting to see that bright red sign that I've hit my mark. As soon as I get it, I remove the tie and push my liquid version of heaven into my arm...and blast off. That's the best I'm going to feel all day, and I know it, so I savor it for a second. Then I go outside and smoke, and proceed to start my day.
I went to work. I got home, I went to meet my drug dealer, bought some more, and repeat.
It was a truly miserable existence. Working for money, to run out and spend every dime of it, for not enough junk.
So glad I don't have to do that anymore.
11. I used to pop ritalin and adderall like it was candy, to the point where I would be in a speed like trance all day. It got so bad that I needed to wake up an hour earlier before work to pop a pill and feel its affects before I had the energy to roll out of bed. Stopped cold turkey and it caused major depression.
12. I have been sober for a little over a year but will attempt to give an accurate story of my different stages if addiction.
It all started when they took OC (OxyContin) off the market.
A few days before it happened my friend got his hands on about 500, 20 mg pills. I sold about 150-200 of them I took my profit and went up to Portland Oregon to buy some heroin to start selling. I started selling points for $15 which was cheaper than anyone else. So I started making some decent money. I would smoke and sell all day and go to bed around 5-6 am and wake up around noon. Depended on when I started getting calls or if I needed to head to Portland that day. I wasn't selling huge amounts so I would pick up a quarter to half ounce each time I went up and I would make 2-3 trips a week.
I had to supply heroin for me and my girlfriends addiction so I never moved past about a half ounce. Well, this lasted about a year until I got pushed out of business. Someone paid the guy who was hooking me up to start cutting me out and I didn't know who else to go through. I also let people get in debt to me which was a bad idea. One kid owed me $2000, which was a ton of money to me.
Times got tough after I stopped selling. Each day I would wake up around 10-12. If I had money then I would go and get some heroin since I would already be sick upon waking up. If I didn't have the money then I would have to go sell some clothes or my electronics. I went through 2 TVs, 4 ps3s, a surround sound system, 4 iPods, 3 iPhones and a bunch of movies doing this. When I was selling I could only go 12 hours without using until I got sick but at this point it was 24 hours.
I was not shooting up at this time. So this went on for about a year. It was miserable!! I couldn't enjoy my high anymore because I would constantly be thinking of how I could get more. It wasn't about getting high anymore. It was about not being sick.
So after about a year I was tired of this routine. I decided to get sober. I quit cold turkey and was able to stay away for 6-7 months. Then one day I got a call from my friend who was selling. He needed a ride to go pick up his stuff. I agreed and that's what started me being his driver for about a year. He was shooting up so I decided to start.
He would pick up about 6-10 ounces a week and a couple ounces of cocaine. I pretty much lived at his house going on huge binges. If I wasn't at his place then I was at mine, sitting and waiting for him to call me so I could drive him and get some free dope. At the end of one binge I noticed my ankle starting to get sore. Within 2 days it has swelled to twice its normal size. I decided to go to the emergency room.
When I got there I had a 103 degree fever along with my swollen ankle. I ended up having a nasty blood infection and had to be on I.V antibiotics for 3 days. One of the scariest times of my life but I was back to shooting up while the I.V was still in my arm. I remember doing shots of coke while driving on I-5 on the way to Portland. It got pretty bad.
I got to the point of doing 4 point shots. To me that was a lot but to my friend it was nothing. He would do 1 gram shots like it was nothing. His arms were covered in black holes where he had missed shots of coke and heroin. So I drove him for about a year until I just couldn't take it anymore.
I asked my parents for help and was on a plane to Sierra Tucson treatment center the next day. I have now been sober for about 15 months. I hope this granted you a little insight in to the day of a drug addict. To anyone still going through addiction know that there is life after addiction. I know it's scary as hell but it can be done. Feel free to PM me with any questions you may have.
13. Just now, I walked to my car, opened my bottle of vyvanse, went to the gutter and dumped my remaining pills into the sewer. I went online and cancelled my next appointment. I have no way of obtaining these pills outside of the pharmacy. Today is the day I take my life back.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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One of the most freeing realizations I've had was when I understood that not everyone was going to like me.
That's just the way it is for all of us, and I learned that it would be unfair for me to dedicate so much time worrying about what others might think.
It changed my life—improved it, I'd say.
That, combined with my willingness to take responsibility for my own actions, was crucial to my self-development.
Whether it's an epiphany or experience, there are many things that can happen and can successfully shift your perspective.
People shared their stories after Redditor drewyourstory asked the online community:
"What life event or experience changed your perspective?"
"From this, I learned..."
"Nearly died of a post-surgical hypoxic brain injury, followed by a variety of problems subsequently."
"From this, I learned that mortality is a fragile thing in a random, amoral universe."
It truly is. We really have no say in it either.
We really do not have control.
"Once you get your own place..."
"Once you finally get your own place, you appreciate and feel gratitude for things that you used to take for granted."
"It's helped me maintain..."
"My husband died after a sudden short illness. My life is divided by that point in time."
"There is before and after, I'm a different person now nearly 12 years later but I'm okay with that. It's helped me maintain a good perspective dealing with my current partner's stroke."
"He's doing ok but will never have the mobility he once had. Just taking one day at a time."
Sorry for your loss.
Silver linings exist... even in tragedy.
"I can put up with..."
"My spouse developed a chronic pain illness. She spent months in debilitating pain and there wasn't a goddamn thing I could do to help."
"When we finally got a diagnosis, she was able to start on some medications that improved her quality of life to near where it had been."
"Suddenly little problems just didn't seem important anymore. I can put up with a whole hell of a lot more than I ever thought possible because at least my partner's not in burning pain constantly anymore."
Thankfully, your partner is healthier, and the experience undoubtedly made you a stronger person!
"I had both hips replaced..."
"I had both hips replaced at 25 and will owe money for the rest of my life."
"My debt to income ratio keeps me from normal things like owning a house. I don't sweat missing a bill now and then anymore."
Society really should not allow this to happen.
"I think every single human..."
"I think every single human has experienced the feeling of post-traumatic guilt caused by something they've done in the past."
"For example, in elementary school, I had a best friend whose family was struggling financially. One day, he brings coins (pennies and nickels only) for his school lunch that day."
"I, for some stupid reason, smacked the change out of his hand as he took the change out to count how much he had."
"I got yelled at by the principal, who was walking behind me, and got suspended. Ever since that day, I have never ever made fun of someone's financial stability, given people money (especially the homeless), and never smacked anything out of anyone's hands."
"That moment changed my perspective on how the treatment towards others comes back to bite you."
"Holding my eight year old brother as he died from extreme medical incompetence then being stuck with his body for twenty minutes as a ventilator made his corpse breathe and a fault in the heart monitor didn't trigger the alarm to bring help and the nurses ignored the call light because they were 'busy with another patient'."
"I cared about people before then. I can switch that off and on at will now."
"Being from Canada..."
"Being from Canada, we're pretty sheltered here, so traveling to other parts of the world and seeing how poor some communities are really made me realize how lucky we are and how good we have it."
Many people in the Western world would learn a hell of a lot if they were humbled by the way others around the world live.
"I love him..."
"Having a child with autism. He is the most loving, kind, intelligent young man."
"I love him more than anything in the world, but I have to consider everyday events that others take for granted. There are things that will be overly stressful for him, and without any glaring differences, people are often not understanding."
"Family gatherings, grocery store visits, haircuts, the dentist, everything is planned."
"The world can be a noisy, chaotic, inconsistent place which are all things he really hates, but he meets every challenge head-on and I couldn't be prouder to call him my son."
"Have you ever just stood..."
"Have you ever just stood and looked at a dead person? The first dead person I ever saw was my father... I've seen probably more than my share after that too."
"Looking at someone with their lights permanently turned off changes something in you."
No one is immune from life's tragedies or trials and tribulations.
How do you handle them, though? That's the real test.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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