Anonymous Relatives Of Murderers Share The Tell-Tale Signs They Noticed

Guess somebody has to be related to a murderer, right? Still, it's frightening to think about.

You have to wonder what the relatives went through, or what they thought when the major drama was going down.

deliriousplays asked Reddit:

Relatives of murderers, what memories stand out as red flags?

Here were some of the answers.

He Kept His Promise

My uncle said he would kill his wife if she ever cheated on him, and then killed her when she cheated on him. He now says he regrets what he did (not because of the jail time, he is actually out of jail), but because he destroyed a life instead of just walking away.

So Many Red Flags

My mother's ex husband is in jail for murdering 2 people.

I've not seen him (or my mother) for years, but was not surprised in the slightest when I heard.

broke several of my bones on a couple different occasions, choked me until I passed out, cheated on my mother constantly. Gave her numerous STIs. Crashed 2 of our family cars, totaling them each time and always had severe drug problems

I could go on but you get the idea. Complete piece of s***. 'Luckily' he has multiple priors so he won't be getting out for a long time if he ever does. Society is better off.

No Signs

I have a large family. One of my second cousins is doing 50 or so years for a double homicide. I didn't see him often, but he seemed completely normal. I talked to him the week of the murder, and he was fine. I actually was setting up my best friend to babysit for him. He had a girlfriend and two kids with her. Seemed like a normal good ol' country boy.

One night a couple in the area went missing after camping by the river. The girl was found shot in the back of the boyfriend's truck not far from the campsite. The boyfriend was nowhere to be seen and had just recently gotten back from Iraq. It was also known that he had a wife in another state, so the whole town thought the boyfriend had a psychotic break, killed her, and skipped town.

Then the police found my cousin's bumper near the crime scene and followed up on it, hoping to find the boyfriend. My cousin acted super suspicious, and after hours of interrogation, he broke down and confessed and told them where to find the boyfriend. He was a couple counties over, well hidden. It's likely that the case never would have been solved if he hadn't confessed. They used the confession to get a warrant for a DNA sample and matched it to the DNA left behind on the girl.

It still haunts me because there just weren't any signs, and it was the most heinous thing to happen in my tiny hometown. I knew the guy he murdered better than I knew him, and he was a great guy. It just makes me sick to think about it.

How Horrible

My Cousin tried to kill his girlfriend after doing a cocktail of drugs on a night out. He came home and got into bed with her and told her he loved her then repeatedly stabbed her- once in the neck too. Luckily she survived the attack and he is serving time in prison where he belongs.

He was always a naughty kid. One memory that stands out when we were really young is him kicking a hedgehog full force like a football - I was mortified.

I didnt have much to do with him after childhood but I know he was always in trouble with the police (court orders, arrests) for one reason or another.

Although not technically a murderer- he 100% attempted it. Glad his ex partner and child are ok.

Telltale Signs

About a month ago, I heard that my brother killed his old boss. It was surprising, to say the least. I hadn't talked to him in a long time- but when i heard, I instantly knew he was guilty.

There was a night when we were young, I'd say around 11-12 years old. It was maybe 4 in the morning. We shared a room, and for whatever reason, I woke up. Not that burst awake with random energy wake up, just sorta opened my eyes. He was standing in the middle of the room, with a kitchen knife, spinning it in his hands and running his finger down the blade. I watched him do this for about 5 minutes, then he left to go put it back, I assumed. I went back to sleep.

A few years later, I told my dad about it. It turns out, it didn't end there. That night, he went into my parents room and just stood over their bed. My dad woke up, asked him what he was doing, and he just replied "watching you sleep."

There were other signs, but this is the biggest.

Everyone Knew

The husband of one of my cousins went to prison for a very long time for murder. His entire existence was a red flag. He abused alcohol and drugs. He abused my cousin during their thankfully brief marriage. He was a monster so no one was surprised to learn he'd beat and stabbed a woman to death and was arrested with her body in the trunk.

A Total Surprise

Guy I Worked with (Only for a few months). This guy was amazing. We worked with people with disabilities, he was kind and legitimately compassionate. Was enrolled to start med school in the fall in hopes of supporting this same population. Get a call from my supervisor one day saying he'd been arrested for murder. Turns out he was a massive drug dealer. No details are official obviously but by the sound of what came out at trial he was meeting this guy to buy 20kg of Marijuana. Something went wrong and he ended up killing the guy. No body was ever found.

Worst part was I worked a shift with him after the murder but before he was arrested; didn't seem to have a care in the world.


I have a cousin currently serving life in prison for trying to murder her parents. Didn't like her new stepmother & wanted their $$$, recruited some friends to help her kill them. Stepmother died, father lived.

I was never super close to her, but saw her fairly regularly. She was always kind of the stereotypical 'spoiled rich kid' - thought she knew everything, always wanted her way - but still friendly enough & could be fun sometimes. After her parents divorced & her dad remarried the stepmother, her behavior changed completely. Every time I saw her after that, she was either angry or sulking. I remember her ranting about her stepmother to a bunch of us with this look of pure malice & hate on her face. That was maybe 8-10 months before the murder.

Maybe An Accident

I had a Nanny as a child. Nice latino woman that my parents had grown up with, about their age. Her husband was a convicted murderer, in and out of prison for parole violations at the time. Really nice guy. Taught me how to draw when I was around three and it remains a very vivid memory. (This wasn't exactly a violent murder. He and his buddies at work were on the scaffolding, drunk as hell, and got into a fight. The other guy fell and died but they charged him like he pushed him.)

Deathstyles Of The Rich

When I was 8 my uncle shot my aunt and then shot himself. There were a few red flags but not many. They were incredibly well known in my small town and everyone started noticing they weren't coming out as much. They started spending incoherent amounts of money. Don't get me wrong they always were pretty wealthy and spoiled me and my cousins rotten, but they were buying new cars, incoherent amounts of nice jewelry etc. Turns out they were in millions of dollars worth of debt because of credit card fraud and my uncle knew they were about to lose everything and killed them both.


I had a high school friend that I spent quite a bit of time with. He drove a tricked out Mustang with a major stereo system, and was very popular. He was an only child and probably would be considered spoiled, but he lived in a modest home with very nice parents. He was always kind of flaky and after school went through lots of jobs. He was an expert stereo installer though and could always find work doing that. He was pretty well liked and even admired by many.

I came home to visit from the Navy and read in the local paper while eating breakfast that he had been stalking his girlfriend and went to her work and laid in wait in the parking lot. When she came out he shot her after a brief argument. He then went to his car and shot himself.

The first thing that came to mind when I found out was how quickly this guy would fall in love with girls he liked. He was handsome and had a lot going for him and I never understood this about him. I remember one night at his house we were drinking and he had passed out. There was a cute girl there that we had met earlier that night. We were talking and she was weirded out because he had already told her he loved her and was making plans for their relationship. I assumed at the time he was doing it to get laid, but I guess not.

Mental Illness

I have a good friend from high school, let's call him Jim, who is now awaiting his trial for aggravated assault, attempted murder, and a few counts of murder.

Growing up he had a great group of friends and was well known, mostly because the town was small and his parents were upstanding people in the community. But he had extreme anxiety and a slew of other mental issues that have yet to be diagnosed.

There were several occasions Jim would invite people over and then avoid them when they arrived, which was the start of it all.

Later on in high school he began to ask questions regularly like "are y'all really my friends? Are you sure?"

He would begin to fight if he drank, or climb super tall buildings if he smoked, or text us nonsensical words or phrases

Then one night we were at a party the night before everyone was supposed to leave for college, so it was a big night. Everyone was drinking and smoking and having a ball except for Jim.. Jim was sitting on the couch, beer in hand, and staring into nothingness. I asked him what was up and he looked at me and began speaking slurred gibberish. I immediately went and got my buddy, Chris, and told him that Jim may go into an episode soon. We came back to find him in the same spot, looking at the tv. Out of nowhere, he got up jumped on a chair and grabbed an old clock off the wall and said "time is isn't real.. none of this is real... if it was real, I would bleed." And he punched the glass in on the face of the clock. He held his hand up to look and blood began flowing everywhere. He looked at a girl on the couch who he had had a crush on for a while and jumped on her. At this time Chris tackled him and Jim began screaming. Several of the guys in our friend group were able to restrain him, calm him, then call his parents. When his parents arrived he took off running across the neighborhood stripping his clothes off screaming about how he needs help. It was a rough night, and he had no recollection.

About 2 months later I got a call from Chris, my friend from that night, and he said "sit down, I've got some sh-t to tell you" he then explained that Jim had run his car into a building killing 3 people and injuring another 2. On the video from the security tapes it shows the car running into the building, the people being hit, him getting out of his car and looking at everything he had just caused and then began trying to help the people he hit.

He didn't know what he had done or why he had done it.

In his first cell he wrote gibberish all over the walls, wore a paper jumpsuit, had a padded cell. Nobody was allowed to see him except his parents and lawyer. We are just now allowed to send letters.

I check in on his family regularly and they are absolutely distraught, but maintaining composure. Right now we are awaiting the trial.

Mental illness is not a joke, this has changed my perspective on life and how others see it.

Money Ends

Dunno if it's a red flag as such, but a distant relative-in-law (who murdered his wife). He never talked about his work, he'd always just stop talking and just leave the room. He was also really weird with money, wouldn't trust banks etc, always carried rolls of cash and refused to pay, because he'd 'forgotten' his card. Later turned out he was dealing in arms and was massively in debt. So murdered her for the insurance pay out.

Time Passed

My great uncle is in prison for multiple murders. He's been in prison my entire life. When I was young my family went once a year to see him - it was an "honor visit." We'd board the ferry with all kinds of goodies he wasn't typically allowed; the one that sticks out was buckets upon buckets of KFC.

Nothing stood out when I knew him. He was pleasant, charming even; he's both frank and remorseful about what he's done. Every year he tries for parole and every year the victim's son shows up. The parole board denies him each time, despite now being morbidly obese and wheelchair bound.

I completely believe he's reformed, but I don't think it's such a bad thing he's in prison. It's been 30 years. My grandmother and the majority of his siblings are dead. What's out here for him now?

Anyway, sorry if this is too far from the question. Just wanted to share.

Just A Little Jerk

I was friends with a kid in junior high who murdered someone and then killed himself many years later as an adult.

He was one of my best friends for a brief time and I would hang out with him almost every day for about a year. Weren't any red flags I can remember, other than him being a little bit of a jerk, but nothing too out of the ordinary for a teenage boy. Seemed like a normal kid.

I heard he got very into drugs later in life though.

Subtle Malice

So my mom was definitely trying to have my dad killed while they were divorcing. Long story, but she was sleeping with several young (19-20yr old) boys, told them he beat, stole his gun.. anyway she wasn't very good at this plan and it didn't work.

But she probably (?) did kill her little sister a long time ago, when I was a baby, they were in their early 20s. So this is the info I have from my grandparents and dad. Sister got a mysterious 'blood disease', never was a real diagnosis, her hemaglobin just stopped working so her blood wasn't carrying oxygen properly, resulting in multiple organ failure. It was her kidneys, I'm told, that finally did her in. It all took a few months. And it started just when my mom went for a visit. So I'm thinking poison.

Obviously I can't prove anything, but knowing - now, and for the last couple of decades, that's also a long story - that my mom's a total sociopath, the timing, lack of diagnosis, is highly suspicious. The red flags, which we totally didn't see because we (my 3 younger sisters and I, and I guess my dad) weren't looking for them were the ways she talked about her sister. Never anything about them growing up together, never anything positive. The only things she told us about our aunt, her sister, was that she was a junkie and probably was one of the first undiagnosed AIDS cases, that she got it from sharing needles. Well.. turns out no one else thought she was on heroin. And as a member of the LGBTQ community I've learned a good bit about the 80s/90s AIDS crisis in my adulthood. Dying from AIDS doesn't look anything like what I've been told about my aunt's illness and death. And how fucking weird is it that as a mother, who's lost her only sister, would have nothing good to say about her to her kids? I mean even if she was a junkie, don't you talk about something good about growing up with her? Anything?

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