There aren't too many things that would make you go, "Man, I'd rather go to hell than be here right now. Hell has demons, torture, fire, and all the ill-prepared pizza they can shove down my throat." However, if you had to choose between these people's predicaments and hell, you'd probably be ready to have pizza for dinner.
Quora posted to its users:
"It's Just A Simple Procedure..."Giphy
"Oh, shut up! You don't feel anything."
Did he just tell me to shut up?!
Panic set in but I forced it down and shut my eyes.
I did the only thing I could do:
I began humming Stevie Nick's Edge of Seventeen as loud as I possibly could. With my mouth open.
"Uphh igh fuh unn een uvvv singg owww sssiinphh oooo aybuh oooo ayyy ooooohhh!!!"
Cracking, loud cracking was all I heard. Lots of pressure. I would open my eyes to see his face near mine, wearing a frustrated grimace through his mask.
I was having all four of my wisdom teeth pulled out at once. There was no dental assistant and I was awake for it. I had Novocain but not any sedatives. Not even nitrous oxide.
You think it would have been a little more of a cushy experience for me given it was 2002. I was 19 and a classic rock fan. Don't let Stevie fool you about the year.
My dentist had been mine since I was four, so that's why I was so shocked he said shut up to me.
At one point he had to pull so hard, he was directly over me with his right knee on my chair, using all of his strength.
In his defense, I do have big horse teeth.
I was driven home by my mother, Hydrocodone prescription in hand.
Four days later, on a Saturday, we had to call the dentist at home because I was in so much pain. Bruises were now visible all over my face, running down my neck. My swelling got so bad, I honestly resembled Mimi from The Drew Carey Show when I tried a new eyeshadow to distract from the bruising (even 2 weeks later).
His response to my mom? "Well, yeah. A root wrapped around her jawbone and I essentially had to break her jaw to get it undone". He called in some more Hydrocodone for me.
Jesus Christ. That would have been good to know sooner.
I have given birth twice. I have had an episiotomy and stitches from tearing. SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHATEVER THE HELL THIS WAS, LET ME TELL YOU! The drugs for pregnancy are wayyyy better, especially when you are given an OPTION TO HAVE SOME!
I didn't go back to this dentist.
Now when I go to the dentist, I gladly accept pill sedatives for any procedures. As you can imagine, I am a little flinchy now.
Unwanted At A Party
So, it was my elder sister's birthday . I was really excited to see her and my niece and nephew. But as soon as I walk in, it's silent.
...My sister says hi, and so does my niece and nephew. Some of my aunts and cousins say hi. But most of my family just stared at me as if I were ugly and whispered about me (I haven't met them in a year or two). I was thinking maybe it's because I got taller or maybe my hair changed or the way I dressed. I went to my other cousins, tried to say hi, but they walked away(they acted like there was an emergency or that they couldn't hear me.)
I go outside, tejano music was being played, people were laughing and barbecue cooking. Some of my cousins came up to me to say hi. I went to where all my other cousins were but they ran away like I'm a monster or a nuisance. So I'm chilling by myself and eating. My aunt says "OK everyone time to say happy birthday". So I go there and my cousin bumps me so I bump him a little bit, but he bumps me back so then I just nudged him. He walks away with his chest up and with a disgusted face.
We ate cake and one of my aunts completely skipped me on purpose even though I was right infront of her. I said "uh you skipped me" but she doesn't say anything and gave me my share of cake. I finished eating, and I'm like "I gotta get out of this place like ASAP". So I tell my sister "I think I'll be heading out, I'm kind of tired since I didn't get any sleep (I lied I slept like a kitten the night before). She said "OK bye bro I love you". I said "I love you too" and I walked out and I was gone.
That was one of the worst 1 hour and 30 minutes of my life!
Hey, Maybe Let's Not Put The Finger Under The Skin?
Anyway, fast forward past the events and the horrendous waiting time. Eventually, I was passed through. I was put under the knife, with local anesthesia. The doctor (let's call him F to preserve his identity and allow him some anonymity) told me to quit moving, even holding my badly injured leg in place to inject the anesthesia. Let me just say that the worst part (even worse than the injury itself) is the pain caused by the anesthesia. It felt like I was having corrosive acid poured over my open, profound wound.
My parents told me that I yelled so loud that the people walking on the street probably could've heard my wails of agony. My excruciating pain was, quite frankly, amplified as the doctor informed me that the injection itself did not cover the wound with anesthetic, so he decided to put another, for good measure.
At this point, I would've rather had the stitches without the anesthesia. Suddenly, without warning, F injected me with the other one, and the second wave of pain unexpectedly rolled in, and boy it was quite the tsunami! I instinctively yelled, clenching my teeth and tongue as I attempted to withstand this intense pain. Finally, it was over.
Then, F said that he wanted to show the extent of the wound to my interested parents, who were unfazed by my pleas of help.
With his plain blue rubber gloves, F stuck his index finger into the wound, like a spelunker going through a thin crevice. I thought that F's finger wouldn't go very far, but I became physically sick after F's finger slid in and kept going, like a train slowly disappearing into an endless tunnel. Finally, F stopped moving his finger, and I looked in horror as my deep wound swallowed F's finger whole. My mom yelped, "OH MY GOD! HIS WOUND'S THAT DEEP, DOCTOR?" (Note that she said this in Spanish; I saved you the pain of translating it ;)). My father left the room, probably from disgust or anxiety, or maybe both.
Then, the doctor smiled and said, "That's quite the wound. We'll have to stitch it from the inside as well."
That's exactly when I would've chosen hell...
The Trip That Never Ends
This had been a long-awaited trip.
The trip was to Central America. I'd wanted to just stay in a resort. Camp out. Relax. Do a couple of day excursions.
A balance of relaxing and exploring.
She wanted the opposite, to rent a car and travel throughout the country, and stay at 3–4 different hotels.
In the months leading up to the trip, we had so many disagreements on the vacation that my head about spun. I should have known.
But we locked it in. We managed to agree on the vacation.
The trip finally arrives.
The night before the trip she got called into work, a medical job she can't say no to. She works from 9 PM until our 8 AM flight.
I arrive at the airport. She meets me there, looking like the walking dead.
When I show up, I have all of my stuff. But when I go to get my driver's license it isn't in my wallet. I'd managed to leave it at home.
This leads to my own stressed out dig through all my bags to find my ID. Before surrendering.
This wouldn't prevent us from traveling. I had a passport. But I'd rented a car in my name. We just get on the plane. I sit. A bit rattled and concerned about the car rental.
She sleeps, head down, face planted into her airplane tray, like a tranquilized animal.
The trip was off to a rocky start.
My (then)-GF and I had been getting along OK up until this trip. But things had definitely been trending downwards.
We get there. I'm in good spirits. She's still wiped out. Unfortunately, she has to drive because I don't have my license.
We are driving on rocky 3rd world roads. It's a 2-hour drive to the resort. She has to drive because my dumbass forgot my license.
She's absolutely miserable. Too tired to be driving on these challenging roads.
Her attitude is rubbing off and wearing on me. I'm trying to stay in good spirits.
I get tired of the sulking. I tell her to pull over. I drive. If I get a ticket, I get a ticket.
Also - it is hot. Beyond hot. We aren't unfamiliar with the heat, being from Florida. But it's equatorial heat. Pressing. You can't even breathe.
She's tired. She's cranky. I'm annoyed, perhaps selfishly, about her attitude. I want her to try and cheer up.
Any issues we'd had in the months leading up to this are only boiling under the surface.
The logistics of this trip are not going to improve our stress levels.
Part of this is my fault - I should have pushed back on this plan. It was way too ambitious. I knew this type of travel was going to make me miserable too. It was too much packing and unpacking and relocating. Too much driving on roads in another country that we weren't familiar with.
We get to the nice hotel, the one I wanted to stay at for the entire trip. But got negotiated down to 2 nights in. The power is cutting in and out. There are bugs. It's still hotter than Satan's bedroom.
At some point, she and I got into an argument. I was annoyed with her attitude and complaining, which was making everything worse.
We go on a rented boat the next day. I'm having fun. She's miserable. Perhaps it's my fault. I don't know. I tried though.
2 nights later, we have to pack all of our stuff and get in the rented car and drive through several more hours of rocky winding roads. Much of it spent in silence.
At the next hotel, we get into another fight. An ugly one. She's annoyed with me. I'm annoyed with her.
Drive to the 3rd hotel. Silence.
We have a THIRD ugly fight at this hotel.
This trip was an abject disaster. Midway through that trip, I remember thinking to myself literally that I felt like I was in hell at that moment. I just wanted to get on a plane and go home.
The cities we were traveling through were extremely worn down 3rd world areas, but they still were in better shape than my relationship.
Many years ago, there was a gold rush in California. Miners often found gold, their path to wealth and never having to work again.
Their ecstatic cries of joy often came crashing down with the realization that they'd found Fools Gold.
They came up with a trick.
If the miner found what looked like gold, he would take a rag, put a few drops of nitric acid on it. Then he'd rub it on the prospect he'd found.
If the nitric acid caused the gold mark to disappear, he knew it wasn't real gold. If the gold remained after the application, he knew he had a reason to celebrate.
It's called the Acid Test.
Traveling is a pretty effective acid test for relationships. You'll quickly find how if it's real.
Take It To The Solo!
Twas' back in the day when I was 15 and had just started getting into guitar.
I had just gotten semi good at playing drums, and picked up guitar a month prior. I was good enough at drums that a friend of mine named John (not real name) decided we should perform songs together.
We did quite a few rehearsals, and we seemed like the perfect duo. A guy heard we played and asked us to play at a party, so we accepted.
Later on, we arrived at his party and got set up in the living room. I was on the drums and John was on the guitar. We had arranged to play 5 cover songs and then we'd leave.
We got set up and John took the microphone, everything seemed to be going smoothly. We played our first song, which was a cover of Dysentary Gary. The song actually went pretty well, and we were surprised how good we sounded…
Then we got to our second song
We played a cover of Heart Shaped Box, and John decided to voice crack into the microphone on the "HEY" part.
The whole song went down from there.
His guitar playing was off, his singing was off, it was basically just me playing drums and him attempting to play guitar. He just stopped playing because of how badly he was messing up.
"I'd choose hell over this" does not even account for the embarrassment us two felt.
Attempting to recover the mess up, I stood up and yelled out to the crowd.
"John can't sing!" I yelled out to the crowd, and then proceeded to go into a drum solo I made up on the spot.
After my two minute drum solo, everyone at the party applauded at me. I had just single-handedly saved the gig with a killer drum solo. John finally stopped sh-tting himself and we played the rest of our songs, which all went well.
We continued to perform gigs from then on, and now we can perform full on concerts with each other without any mess-ups (for the most part).
So if I had to give a lesson to all you 13 year old's out there who have an out of tune ukulele and want to start a band, remember to learn your instrument and remember to recover if you f-ck up
Living With People Who Hate YouGiphy
"Yeah they told me to not let you in their room. Said to keep an eye on you so you wouldn't steal their jewelry."
What? I stared at my brother who simply shrugged.
The place: My parents' home
The time: A year ago
When I was nineteen I was living with my parents and working as a waiter. It wasn't ideal but I was just content to have a roof over my head and WiFi. My parents had gone out of state to visit some in-laws, taking my sister and leaving me with my oldest brother. We were kicking it off pretty well, like any pair of brothers. About two nights in we were taking advantage of no one being around to complain about our overbearing mother. That's when my brother let that front page blurb drop.
It was as if lightning had struck my brain.
I quickly ran some analysis. I was paying $800 a month to live with my parents (I typically made $1400). I wasn't allowed out of the house unsupervised except for work. This had been an area of some serious contention. In fact I was often forced into going to religious services that I honestly couldn't care less about. There was rarely enough food in the house. When I came home tired and hungry from twelve hour shifts all I could find were cans of chili and peanut butter, stuff that had been sitting in the cupboard for months. Everything else had a huge forbidden label on it and if you touched it you were to expect fire and brimstone.
To this day I can't touch chili without nausea and I can only just tolerate peanut butter. Add onto this that I had to request permission to buy a video game console from my mom. She said no and that was that. She closely monitored my spending and withheld my debit card. Before she left she was in the process of coercing me to going to college. I was hellbent on going into law enforcement but she wanted me to become some sort of secretary. Guess who was going to win that argument. Then my mom was a whole factor of her own. She regularly banged on my door at 6 or 7 am when I wasn't working, insisting I be in bed by 10 pm. Now her paranoia led her to locking up valuables while she was away. I knew the location of the spare key. I could've cleaned her out months earlier.
I thought long and hard. I was nineteen, meaning I was just starting my life. This could not be all there was to life. I compared myself to James Bond. Did I drive super cool cars? Heck no, I couldn't have told you where the gas and brake pedals were. Was I picking up bikini clad blondes like a carpet picks up dust bunnies? Heck no, I was still crying over a girl I had known in high school. Did I know parkour\hand to hand combat\how to shoot a gun? Nope, wasn't even close to learning either.
It came over me. I had to get the f out of here. Fast. I was looking at another five or more years living with people who had beaten me up as a kid, going down a career I didn't want, my job and money under their access.
I had to ask myself some hard questions. Was I willing to lose pretty much everything I owned, be stripped down to a backpack? Was I willing to sleep on a park bench and hide from police? Was I willing to go hungry on a regular basis? I found myself answering yes to all of the above.
"I'm getting the f out of here." I told my brother. And I did. Within the month.
One year later, I'm happy to say things have definitely improved. I have my own place with roommates. I work two jobs I like, heading towards a law enforcement career. I control all my money. I submitted a novella to a publisher and am supposed to hear back from them in a week. It's in the last stages of review and I'm fairly optimistic. I've gone through some tough times in this last year but I'm happy to say that even at my worst moments I was never tempted to return. I've never regretted the day I walked out of my parents house, never to return.
When The Anesthesia Wears Off...
My boyfriend had lung surgery for a spontaneous pnuemothorax and 3 weeks into his recovery, it happened again. I got a text saying "I'm headed to the hospital, it's bad this time." and I hightailed it to the ER. Upon arrival, he was already being checked out by the doctors and they had determined that yes, his lung did collapse again.
The typical procedure consists of a chest xray, putting a chest tube in between the ribs, and then waiting for the air to get out of his chest. As they were putting the tube in, the mild anesthesia wore off (I'm assuming because his tolerance had built up since we just did this 3 weeks ago) and so I could hear him screaming as they put this 1 inch tube through his ribs to re-inflate his lung. That sound will never leave my mind. I wished I could "choose hell" then.
The surgeon was called and they said he needed to have surgery, and they got him in the day of. The surgery consisted of the surgeon going in, checking the lung to see why it collapsed, fix it, and then put another tube in for drainage. She called to tell me surgery was over, he was in recovery, and she couldn't give me any definitive answer as to why this happened again, especially so quickly. I wished I could have "chosen hell" over having to get to explain that to him.
3 hours later when we get into his room in the Heart & Vascular Tower, he's sleeping from anesthesia still, and he wakes up. I will never forget the sounds of pain that were coming from him. As the nurse came in, he asked for pain medicine, and she told him no because he was on a pain pump that allowed him to have a little bit of meds every 10 minutes. That didn't go over well, naturally. He's 5′10 and thin, and he now has a tube coming out of his side for the 4th time in 3 weeks - he wasn't even fully healed from the first time.
I went out in the hallway to explain this to her, and she was like " I don't know if he just wants pain pills, but we can't stack narcotics and so he's just going to have to deal with it. " At that point, I got angry - I explained to her in a stern tone that he had just been through a SECOND lung surgery, and he needed something for breakthrough, and that if she didn't call the doctor to ask about it, that I would. Give me a break - I understand there is an opioid crisis going on right now, but if he was just here for pain meds, we wouldn't have caused a collapsed lung.
Once the doc finally approved breakthrough meds, all seemed to be going well - until it wasn't. It started to get hot in the room, the A/C was out in the hospital and they told us it would be an hour until it was fixed. Mind you, we live in Louisiana and it is JUNE. The heat index that day was 106. Every hour on the hour from 8am until noon, we asked about the AC and what they were going to do. Once it hit 85 degrees, they FINALLY decided they were going to move us to the other side of the hospital.
No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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One of the most freeing realizations I've had was when I understood that not everyone was going to like me.
That's just the way it is for all of us, and I learned that it would be unfair for me to dedicate so much time worrying about what others might think.
It changed my life—improved it, I'd say.
That, combined with my willingness to take responsibility for my own actions, was crucial to my self-development.
Whether it's an epiphany or experience, there are many things that can happen and can successfully shift your perspective.
People shared their stories after Redditor drewyourstory asked the online community:
"What life event or experience changed your perspective?"
"From this, I learned..."
"Nearly died of a post-surgical hypoxic brain injury, followed by a variety of problems subsequently."
"From this, I learned that mortality is a fragile thing in a random, amoral universe."
It truly is. We really have no say in it either.
We really do not have control.
"Once you get your own place..."
"Once you finally get your own place, you appreciate and feel gratitude for things that you used to take for granted."
"It's helped me maintain..."
"My husband died after a sudden short illness. My life is divided by that point in time."
"There is before and after, I'm a different person now nearly 12 years later but I'm okay with that. It's helped me maintain a good perspective dealing with my current partner's stroke."
"He's doing ok but will never have the mobility he once had. Just taking one day at a time."
Sorry for your loss.
Silver linings exist... even in tragedy.
"I can put up with..."
"My spouse developed a chronic pain illness. She spent months in debilitating pain and there wasn't a goddamn thing I could do to help."
"When we finally got a diagnosis, she was able to start on some medications that improved her quality of life to near where it had been."
"Suddenly little problems just didn't seem important anymore. I can put up with a whole hell of a lot more than I ever thought possible because at least my partner's not in burning pain constantly anymore."
Thankfully, your partner is healthier, and the experience undoubtedly made you a stronger person!
"I had both hips replaced..."
"I had both hips replaced at 25 and will owe money for the rest of my life."
"My debt to income ratio keeps me from normal things like owning a house. I don't sweat missing a bill now and then anymore."
Society really should not allow this to happen.
"I think every single human..."
"I think every single human has experienced the feeling of post-traumatic guilt caused by something they've done in the past."
"For example, in elementary school, I had a best friend whose family was struggling financially. One day, he brings coins (pennies and nickels only) for his school lunch that day."
"I, for some stupid reason, smacked the change out of his hand as he took the change out to count how much he had."
"I got yelled at by the principal, who was walking behind me, and got suspended. Ever since that day, I have never ever made fun of someone's financial stability, given people money (especially the homeless), and never smacked anything out of anyone's hands."
"That moment changed my perspective on how the treatment towards others comes back to bite you."
"Holding my eight year old brother as he died from extreme medical incompetence then being stuck with his body for twenty minutes as a ventilator made his corpse breathe and a fault in the heart monitor didn't trigger the alarm to bring help and the nurses ignored the call light because they were 'busy with another patient'."
"I cared about people before then. I can switch that off and on at will now."
"Being from Canada..."
"Being from Canada, we're pretty sheltered here, so traveling to other parts of the world and seeing how poor some communities are really made me realize how lucky we are and how good we have it."
Many people in the Western world would learn a hell of a lot if they were humbled by the way others around the world live.
"I love him..."
"Having a child with autism. He is the most loving, kind, intelligent young man."
"I love him more than anything in the world, but I have to consider everyday events that others take for granted. There are things that will be overly stressful for him, and without any glaring differences, people are often not understanding."
"Family gatherings, grocery store visits, haircuts, the dentist, everything is planned."
"The world can be a noisy, chaotic, inconsistent place which are all things he really hates, but he meets every challenge head-on and I couldn't be prouder to call him my son."
"Have you ever just stood..."
"Have you ever just stood and looked at a dead person? The first dead person I ever saw was my father... I've seen probably more than my share after that too."
"Looking at someone with their lights permanently turned off changes something in you."
No one is immune from life's tragedies or trials and tribulations.
How do you handle them, though? That's the real test.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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