Unwritten Rules That All Guys Follow

Unwritten Rules That All Guys Follow
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Typically, young boys will get some version of "the talk" right around middle school age, when their bodies are changing and their view of the world can be shaped. With a guiding hand, they can be molded to understand what's most important. For example, bathroom etiquette. Don't talk to anyone else. Seriously.

Man Law!

Reddit user, u/Im_not_human1, wanted to know the most important parts of the code when they asked:

What is an unwritten rule that all guys follow?

Don't Get Me Back, Just Get The Next One

If a friend buys you a drink you don't pay it back you just buy the next round..


One of my psych professors has done a few experiments on this, specifically taking turns shouting rounds in australian drinking culture. Turns out people don't like when you skip out on shouting! Who would've thought?


Head Front, Eyes Forward, Soldier!


Don't look over in the urinals. Just don't.


Some guy turned to me at the bar bathroom the other day and told me i had a nice watch. Weird but I'll always take the compliment


You Gotta Give Them Choices, You Know?

If a man is kicked in the balls, all men within the immediate area must wince themselves and ask if the bro needs to be carried off or if he just wants to lay there for a bit


Don't Want To Seem Too Anxious For The Wrong Crowd

Gotta wait at least 1 minute to open a snap from a girl, but with the boys you open it the same second they send it


Let Things Take Their Course

Don't hit on anyone your friend is or was interested in without their permission.

It makes you a d-ck


We're Not 2-Year Olds

Never NEVER pull your pants down all the way at a urinal


Big Difference Between Steak And Chicken Nuggets

Whenever your bud brought food and there is only one piece left, there are only two ways it can go down.

If it was pricy then the guy who bought it will eat. If it aint then you wait for eveyone to finish their own piece and then go to get it. The fastest wins.


Keep It Real In Person

Late to the party but technology of whatever form (text message, FB messenger, etc) is used exclusively for a) logistics; and b) banter, jokes, memes, etc.

Serious talk of any sort is conducted in-person, or over phone if in-person is physically impossible.


Eye Forward, Soldier!

When you are taking a piss in the public bathrooms just stare at the f-cking wall and dont look anywhere else.


There Is No Middle Ground

You have to make fun of your friends and vice versa if anyone gets a haircut. Or give him a super over the top, vaguely flirty compliment


Once The Eyes Connect, It's On

When pulling up alongside someone at red traffic lights. If you look over and make any sort of eye contact with the other driver, it's instantly a race. Even if you act like it isnt, - IT IS.


Super Important. How Else Would You Know?

After applying restraints to objects in the flatbed of a truck, saying "Yep, that's not goin' anywhere" is an absolute necessity.


Because Sometimes It's Really, Really Big

We all have to be tough when sometimes the spider does scare you.


A Bro Always Has A Bro's Back, Even From Beyond The Grave

If a bro dies while lifting, put more weight on the bar, then call 911


This one is great.

"Help me bro, help me... put more weight on this bar"


Assert Dominance And Control

If your eyes meet another guys on the bus or train you have less than a second to look away.


Or else you gotta stare until they look away or you feel like b-tch.



These Motions Are Incredibly Important

Nod up for an acquaintance, nod down for a stranger.


If you wanna assert pure dominance you wink


Just Get The Ball Rolling

If there is poop caked onto the side of the bowl u try and p-ss it off. Even if u can't u try to soften it up a little so the next guy can come in and finish the job


Loving that this has come up multiple times in this thread. Do your duty, men!


Just A Couple To Round Us Off

  1. Wherever possible, every other urinal
  2. your buddy's wife, mom, sister, girlfriend, ex-wife, and ex-girlfriend are off limits (sole exception being some ex-girlfriends if sufficient time has passed and the relationship was sufficiently casual)
  3. Do not get passed. If anyone passes you for any reason, on either side, you are driving too slow.
  4. If you ever find yourself in the wrong kind of threesome - do not make eye contact at any point with the other dude.
  5. If it doesn't smell, you can still wear it.
  6. When walking with a woman or child along a street or train track, you take the 'lane' closest to the street or traffic, effectively using your body as a potential shield.
  7. laughter, nut shot, or loss of a loved one/ pet are the only acceptable instances for shedding tears in public.
  8. Never let them know the shower is too hot or the food too spicy. Never.

Seriously. The Golden Rule Of Manhood...

If possible, every other urinal.


The office building I work at has three urinals. I always choose 1 or 3. A dude who works in one of the other offices ALWAYS chooses urinal 2, whether 1 and/or 3 are open or not.

One of these days I'm going to explain man law to him.


...Only Outdone By THIS Rule.

Do not, in any way, be that guy


Oh. F-ck that guy.


That guy is literally the worst.


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