Surgeons Share The Weirdest Objects They've Ever Had To Remove From Someone's Body

We really are a simple people. Aren't we? I mean, how difficulty is it to NOT insert various things into or body orifices? Especially our bums. At the very least we can learn to ease objects in and out. Use finesse friends. Lord help the medical teams out there. How they keep a straight face in certain situations is a miracle.
Redditor u/LordPurloin wanted to know if the surgeons out there would discuss surgery shocks they've come across by asking.... Surgeons of reddit, what's the weirdest object you've had to remove from someone's butt?
Oh Granny.
Not butt, but once my grandmother, a life long alcoholic, forgot she had a tampon in and inserted another, jamming the first one up incredibly far.
She tried to get my poor grandfather, a man with zero training, to remove it. Even with a flash light and tweezers, he couldn't do it.
They went to the ER. Doctor said my grandfather futzing around her area had caused extra, unnecessary trauma.
I know this because toward the end of her life, she had dementia and she told us all sorts of weird stuff. She told this particular story in a fancy restaurant in front of most of our family and a mortified waiter.
R.I.P., Grandma. I miss your insane stories.
Edit: Thanks for the train award! Happy holidays to everyone! entomofile
"We've found Ken!"
Not my story, my friend is a radiographer. A guy came into the hospital with Barbie dolls up his butt. After scans, One came out without too much issue, but the other was too far up. They were worried that if it was pulled out, it's arms would open and puncture the bowel. So they scheduled surgery, the x-ray staff waiting excitedly for news... The surgeon then returned and with a serious voice announced: "We've found Ken!"
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO TO YOUR DOCTOR
Not a surgeon but, wowie wowie, do I know a LOT of cases involving "falling" on things and other such excuses. Here are just some of the things I know:
- A Buzz Lightyear action figure.
- A Barbie doll.
- Plaster of Paris (they wanted a mold of his colon. Instead, it had to be cut open as it was glued shut by the plaster)
- Glasses (the sight kind)
- Jewelry (mostly necklaces)
- A cucumber which, after proclaiming he fell over in the Garden naked and landed on his cucumber patch, STILL HAD THE TESCO WRAPPER ON IT.
- A light bulb.
Finally, on a rather dark note, if you're a fool who slipped something up their black hole (cos the butt sucks things in disturbingly well) they can't retrieve, please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO TO YOUR DOCTOR. People have died due to toxic shock due to this crap, a guy here died of it in two weeks due to having a dildo stuck up their and never went to his doc's. Your pride can recover, but you can't recover from death. wolfyfancylads
Kinky Style.
Somewhere out there in the world there is that one deeply unfortunate person who was ACTUALLY cooking while naked, who DID slip on the kitchen floor, and whose ass really DID slam down on the freshly peeled potato. One in a million chance.
Poor guy probably went to the ER figuring "No one will ever believe me," and just told the attending physician, "I'm into some weird kinky tuber sex-play." whyenn
Mr. Potato Head.
Son of a Doctor here. My dad removed an entire peeled sweet potato from someone's colon once. He swore that he had just slipped and fell on it. Salty_Knees
17 Barbie doll heads....
I was an RN at a busy Detroit emergency department. A homeless woman, frequent-flier and drug abuser came in to see us with abdominal pain. The x-ray revealed 17 oval-shaped objects in her vaginal space.
They were removed by a very diligent medical resident armed with a speculum and McGill forceps, with the aid of an ultra sound tech.
17 Barbie doll heads. Their removal was made a bit easier by their long hair.
EDIT: Former co-worker saw my post! Small world. Reminded me of the man with the small fluorescent bulb in his rectum. He insisted on the doctor in the ER just pulling it out, and sending him on his way. But those bulbs break very easily (lacerated colon) and are full of toxic chemicals (poisoning). Surgical removal was recommended, but he flatly refused, because hey, what would he tell his wife? He signed out AMA and we never saw him again. StreetBob2016
Diet Please.
I've seen a small size Fanta orange soda (can) get pulled straight out of a man's rectum. Luffywara
Blockage...
We received a patient with horrible pain that felt like constipation. He couldn't poop and laxatives weren't helping. We soon found out that the blockage wasn't just constipation, it was a string of beads several meters long that had become tangled into an ugly ball inside. I had to snip it apart and carefully pull pieces of it out. When most of it was out his moron became a rocket engine with diarrhea as the propellant. Pyrrhape
Side Salad...
I once had a flatmate who was a nurse. She had a patient who came in complaining of stomach pains, which was caused by the cucumber he'd shoved up his butt a couple of days earlier. Apparently the smell caused by pickling a cucumber in your colon is extremely nasty. scatteredloops
The Urethra.
Not the butt, close to it! My sister worked in a Urology clinic and has some very crazy stories ranging from "at-home sex change" procedures to this case in particular. She had to remove almost 200 bb's from a guys bladder via his urethra one by one! As the guy had a fetish of shoving things down is urethra. highsociety121
"sloshing"
Endo Tech here, had a guy come in with a capped section of PVC pipe filled with Mercury because he liked the "sloshing". Had to call in Hazmat and security had to be called when he became violent because they wouldn't give the Mercury laden pipe back. thadiator94
Don't Eat the Poop!
I'm a vet. Dog had eaten a whole roll of poop bags (the plastic baggies people use to clean up after their pets on walks). They unspooled in his gut and spread from stomach to colon. His owners realized what had happened when he started pooping out bags, and brought him in through ER. My coworker went in to cut him, and the scene she described was hilarious: he would intermittently strain a little, and poop out a little section of bags. Someone would tear them off, and he'd be ok for a bit then poop out some more. Like he was dispensing them for himself! He did great after surgery. PrettyButEmpty
Use it all Wisely....
ER Nurse. I've seen baseballs, loads of sex toys, cans of soda, vegetables. There should be a public service announcement about using thins in the bum. It needs to have some sort of base so it doesn't get lost up there. A doctor I worked with once told a man, "It's ok if you want to put things in your rectum. You just have to use the right things." amybpdx
Cued Up....
I wasn't the surgeon, I was the patients family doc, and took care of him in the hospital for his short stay after. He had a cue ball get stuck. Not sure exactly what he thought would be the way to get it out. We had a lot of trouble getting it out.
The conversation of the surgeons trying to come up with a way to get it out was pretty hilarious. tadgie
Had to remove it in pieces.
A enormous silicone plug which broke off at its base inside the patient. It was shaped like a soft cone on a stalk, with the base at the bottom. Had to remove it in pieces.
Also, an Orangina bottle two years before this plug. breathofdawildebeest
disappointing update....
Years ago my nurse wife told me a man had an apple removed from his butt but I never understood how this could be possible. I often think about this but have never asked her for more details. I'll ask her over the table at Christmas dinner tonight.
disappointing update.
I didn't ask her at the Christmas dinner. There were small children around and everyone was having a nice time, it didn't seem cool to bring it up. Also no one else started any butt stuff related conversations providing an opening for my inquiry.
I asked her today but also told her about my post on here. She didn't feel comfortable sharing the details with you guys so I guess you'll just have to use your imagination.
Someone posted about a similar situation and suggested they had possibly worked with my wife. Based on the details in their post I am sure it was a separate apple/butt incident. lowly_worm_
Meth is a hell of a drug.
A friend of my mine is a surgery resident and during one of her trauma shifts a meth head walked in with an incandescent light bulb in his colon... it was shoved in with the wide part first. They were dilating the rectum in an attempt to remove it and the resident in charge of the procedure managed to accidentally separate the metal base from the glass globe; which immediately shattered under the pressure if the colon.
They had to perform a partial colectomy to resolve the complication. Meth is a hell of a drug.
A foreign body per rectum is a fairly common occurrence. In my time rotating in the ER the most common things have been yuca roots, avocados, shampoo bottles, etc. But that lightbulb story is still unmatched... I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen the xray. HeisenV
I suspect it is still on......
ER doc here, as previous posters suggest, it becomes hard to distinguish what is weird any more, so judge for yourselves
3 lemons About a foot of broom handle A lightbulb (which did not survive is adventure) So many toilet brushes (inserted brush and handle first) A series of toothpicks Any number of bottles, aerosol cans, etc
My favorite case was a simple sex toy. We xrayed it and the radiologists report read: "There is an approximately 15cm cylindrical foreign body in the large intestine extending proximally from the rectum. Judging by the indistinct outline of the foreign body, I suspect it is still on." Mnonni
"fell on it in the shower."
Back when I was an ER tech, we had this guy come in with a full size bottle of VO5 shampoo up his butt. Of course he said he "fell on it in the shower." You could clearly see it on the X-ray, it was pretty spectacular. The best part was he knew exactly what needed to be done to get it out, suggesting that this wasn't the first time... he asked for conscious sedation and for someone to pull it out... well the ED doctor tried that, then tried to manually get it out with forceps.
He had to go to the operating room to get it taken out. I bumped into the surgeon a few days later and asked him how it went... he joked to me that "after we knocked him out, I grabbed a plunger out of the bathroom and got it out that way." But then told me all he had to do was stick some suction up there till he felt it connect, and then slowly pulled it out.
According to the surgeon, this guy never presented any sort of identification or insurance card, and demanded to pay his entire bill before he left (usually takes some time for bills to get finalized). He paid it completely in cash, and then left via a taxi. Cramer19
Behold the Light!
When I worked in the ER we had a guy come in with a 6 battery Maglite stuck up Main Street. The funny part is that it was inserted bulb out and it was turned ON.
So we laid him down prone and the doc spread his cheeks; then the room lit up like he just cracked open Marcellus Wallace's briefcase. reuben515
Comedy is in a very tricky place right now.
There is so much to NOT laugh about in this world.
In truth, many of us have forgotten how to laugh.
And certain jokes that are told, make people afraid to laugh.
So what do we do?
We tell inappropriate jokes apparently.
Let's hear some...
Redditor CrewCreation wanted to hear some "risky" comedy. So they asked:
"What’s the best morbid joke you know?"
***WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SENSITIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!***
I can't think of anything hilarious at the moment. Make us LOL.
Lady
"I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event. At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"
UnoriginalUse
at 9am...
"Not the most morbid but I love Anthony Jeselnik’s story about his neighbor who has Alzheimer’s. 'One of my next door neighbors is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. And every single morning at 9am he knocks on my door and asks me if I have seen his wife.'"
"'Which means that every single morning at 9am I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer’s that his wife has been dead for quite some time. Now I’ve thought about moving. I have thought about just not answering my door in the morning. But to be honest, it’s worth it… just to see the smile on his face.”
dreagan021
Comedy?
"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is."
GW2RNGR
"Why can't orphans play tennis? They get confused when they hear love."
JayDub506
People who make comedy are evil. LOL.
The Darkness
"Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
storm_the_castle
God Laughs?
"A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, where she meets God. To break the tension she tells God a joke about the Holocaust, but God doesn’t laugh. The lady shrugs and says 'I guess you had to be there.'"
“'I guess you had to be there' is a common expression used when someone doesn’t laugh at a joke. It means that the comedy may not translate without the context of the situation."
"In this case the Holocaust survivor is saying it, meaning that during the Holocaust God was nowhere to be found. It’s not really a joke about the Holocaust, but the absurdity of belief in a benevolent God. Hilarious right?"
semimillennial
Oh Baby
"How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb? More than 3 cause my garage is still dark."
sirnibs3
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Because I don't know what it says about us as people if we laugh. Oye.
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Life can change in an instant.
It can always change for the better.
Just ask any lottery winner.
Sadly, life can also take a turn for the worst and leave people shattered beyond repair.
Watching someone's life fall apart in a short amount of time is difficult.
You have to wonder if there really is such a thing as karma, bad luck, or Voodoo.
Redditor OkImagination5852 wanted to hear about the times we've been witness to personal disaster. They asked:
"People who witness a person's life crumble in a single day, what happened?"
I have lived through a lot of bad days. But thankfully they've been one disaster at a time days. So I guess I'm lucky.
Horror
"A friend of a friend had his entire family killed overnight. He was from my college and was home visiting his family. His parents, siblings, and extended family were all there together. One night, while they were all asleep, his father got up, took out a gun, and went on a shooting spree. He then killed himself."
"Everyone except this guy died on the spot. When my friend visited him at the hospital, the guy was still in shock. He had no idea why his father did that. This was more than a decade ago, and I have no idea how he's doing now."
DeadOnDeparture98
The IRS Called
"Knew a guy who had a nice house, wife, 3 kids. Machine shop in his garage, Snap On tool truck, sign out front, great mechanic. Never incorporated, didn't pay taxes on his business, cash only. Took nice vacations, bought a boat, then a camper. Five years later, the IRS came. I don't know what they estimated he owed but they seized everything. He lives alone in a trailer now."
Nobody_Wins_13
2 at Once
"My mom’s dad and dad’s mom both died on the same day. Completely unrelated. We were pretty messed up for awhile. It was 2010. Mom's dad had emphysema (lifetime smoker) and was pretty sick for a few weeks. I was in college at the time and came home to be with him, because we knew he was about to pass. Dad's mom was in the nursing home, as she had had a stroke and also had dementia (she often thought I was my dad, she thought we were in the 70s, etc.)."
"She took a turn for the worst, and so my dad left the hospice my grandpa was at and went to be with her. The towns they were in were about an hour apart, so I stayed behind with my mom to comfort her when her dad passed. A few hours go by, and he passes peacefully (huge thanks to the hospice workers for their respect and grace during this time)."
"Within an hour or so of his passing, we get a call from my dad saying that his mother had passed as well. It was a terribly dark day in our family, and the next couple years for me in college were pretty much a blur. Thankfully, things got better in time and we are all doing well now."
She lost everything...
"Her husband left her after previously persuading her to remortgage their house to save his business and he's already made her take multiple credit cards out in her name. She lost everything. He did it the week after their youngest turned 18 so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He'd obviously been planning for years."
Ieatclowns
a black sheep...
"My cousin was in a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend died. She broke her back. When she was in the hospital she learned she was pregnant. It's been 16 years and we're still trying our best, she took an all too familiar path of drugs, burning bridges and more pregnancies."
"At this point she's fairly stable and clean as far as I know but a bit of a black sheep. Her mother has custody of all one of her kids. She has her youngest and seems to be doing good by her, but who knows. It's been hard on everyone, especially her mother and her brother."
Paradigm6790
Well this is the stuff of nightmares. I'm grateful for every moment I have alive.
Several lawsuits are filed...
"Here is multiple lives ruined in an instant. A friend was over at some other people house, drugs were involved. They had been playing with a gun. My friend points the gun at a girl, pulls the trigger and shoots her in the head. Girl dies, friend gets locked up until he turns 18. Parents at the house get arrested because they knew what the kids were doing. Friends mom goes into a depression and ends up getting evicted from her house. Several lawsuits are filed."
sentondan
Gone Forever
"It was me... got in a car accident and suffered a traumatic spinal and brain injury that I had no chance of surviving... a 7 vertebrae spinal fusion, yrs of physical and mental therapy... 18 yrs later and the pieces, though many forever gone, are finally coming back together."
2boneskuLL
A Bad Night
"He trashed his fathers vacation house with an axe before setting it on fire, stabbed the neighbor nearly to death, stole their car and then crashed it into a cop car so bad the cops were injured. He also got his girl pregnant, so once he is out of prison they're gonna start a family."
Dumbing_It_Down
"dangerous"
"Pregnant friend found out husband (43) was having an affair with young woman (19) who was a volunteer at their ecolodge. Friend had 'dangerous' pregnancy and had to spend a lot of time in bed. This betrayal destroyed their marriage, split the little town where they lived and caused two employees to quit because witnessing the affair going on was just too painful."
"She had a beautiful baby girl (to go with her other two girls, lol) and after the breakup was clinically depressed. Worked hard and got a divorce (she had a great lawyer); got the business back on track; beat her depression and now is planning a great vacation trip with her girls."
"Meantime, Dad has generous visitation but just 'hasn't gotten around to' buying a car seat so he can pick up the baby and for a long time asked my friend, 'Can you drop the girls off at my Mom's?'"
NoBSforGma
Lost it All...
"Recently, I know of a guy that had borrowed all his family’s life savings for the most part to participate in the whole game stop stock thing happening… he lost every penny of his money (credit card advances), and his parents retirement, and every other dime he could get… it makes me sick to even think of it."
Bangbangsmashsmash
Well those are A LOT of bad days. Good luck to all of you.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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Those who are wealthy have the luxury of acquiring the best of the best–whether it's dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant or status-identifying clothing from Chanel or Yves Saint Laurent.
But even the rich have their limits when it comes to frivolous spending before casting judgment on friends or colleagues.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Sasquatchfl asked:
"Rich people of Reddit, what's the craziest/most unethical thing you've seen people in your circle spend money on?"
Expensive experiences were a priority over prized possessions.
Live Sushi
"An ex worked for Dell in the late 90s/early 2000s. He was pretty high up and there were lots of partiers in his work circle. Went to a party hosted by one of the dellionaires and there was a body sushi girl. I don’t know what was paid to her, but it was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen."
– 5hrs4hrs3hrs2hrs1mor
Pissing Contest
"Paid a group of homeless guys to only use the bathroom on a competitors business. Eventually bought that place for a massive discount."
– Haboobalub
Let's Work Out
"My mother woke up one morning and said she felt she was way too fat and she wanted to get a treadmill. The treadmill wouldn’t be a problem, but then she saw where it would be and didn’t like the lighting. Fast forward 2 months later there’s a 40k outdoor gym built and connected to the house. She hasn’t used it once."
– Herrera5449_
Taking A Leap
"Travelled with a bunch of ex 'friends' all fairly wealthy."
"First trip to SE Asia together and as an ex-local I was a de-facto tour guide (despite not being there in over a decade)"
"They somehow found and offered a bunch of kids diving off cliffs to jump for spare change."
"They increasingly challenged each other to land their coins as close to the cliff base and small surrounding rocks for the kids to dive for."
– Satakans
It's about the finer things in life.
Expensive Party Gag
"A 3k ouija board from Gwen Paltrow's store. I didn't even know it was a thing until the dude brought it out. I really wanted to cut it up and see what it was made from. Looked nice don't get me wrong but the thing is basically a party gag. For 3 grand, it better summon a demon that's all I'm saying."
– con_this
Slow Burn
"$600 USD for a candle."
– Jeffranks
It's not always about the things you acquire.
Minor Inconvenience
"I know a guy who went to get a new drivers license and had to pay ~$100k in back parking tickets, then joked about it after."
"Apparently he couldn't get a permit to park in front of his house, so he just did anyway, and accepted like a $200 fine everyday."
– melodyze
For A Successful Election
"Not me, but I know a guy who crowd funded (read: threw a bunch of money into, then solicited more at a flea market) $80,000 toward his friend's DA election campaign. The guy won. So far, this has paid back at least $120K in avoided legal fees. I know some rich people. Most of them are more boring than you think. Hell, most of them drive Hondas, Toyotas, and Nissans."
– KP_Wrath
The Lance Corporal
"I was stationed with a Lance Corporal who was wealthy beyond means after selling some of his patents. He owned and piloted four helicopters. Lived in a palatial waterfront house in Jacksonville, NC."
"The cheapest one cost 400K. That's the one he trained on. The most expensive was about 1.2 million. That's 1.2 million 1981 dollars. The two he's got now are about 5 million each."
"Had a floating landing pad out back moored to his dock and another landing pad in the back yard. Kept two helicopters and a Rolls inside his custom-built hangar at Norfolk International Airport."
"He drove a pair of Rolls-Royces. He also toyed with a 900K Miami-Vice type speedboat. He also housed and transported his squad to Camp Lejeune and back in a custom mini-bus."
– ApplicationConnect55
The dude was very giving and lived a very clean life. He'd fly us to Norfolk, pickup the car and we'd do our shopping and eating. Hop in a chopper and return home. He'd fly his fire team down to Miami on weekends. He kept a Limo there and wore a chauffer's outfit and did all the driving.
He bought a full-service and licensed pub in Northern Ireland. He lives there with his wife. Does a lot of charity work there. We still keep in touch."
– ApplicationConnect55
When there's plenty of money going around, there's no need to worry about a single thing.
That peace of mind is a luxury in itself.
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When marriages or relationships fall apart, infidelity is not always the cause.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Liam_Tang asked:
"People who've divorced, aside from adultery, what were the irreconcilable differences that ended the marriage?"

You think you know a person when you walk down the aisle.
These Redditors were in for a rude awakening.
Pet Neglect
"My wife divorced her ex for many reasons, but the final straw was when she went out of town for a few days, and when she got back he had not fed or given water to the dog. The dog lived a long and happy life after that."
– StrangeCrimes
Obsessed With A Crush
"Not me, but I had an old coworker that divorced his wife for spending their entire savings on candy crush and games of the same type."
– Hexis40
Compatibility Musts
"ITT: Intimacy (sex/romance), beliefs (religion/spirituality/politics), kids, and I haven’t seen it yet but it’s coming: finances."
"The big four. You REALLY need to discuss these things in detail BEFORE getting married."
– rabbiskittles
Physical violence is a legit reason for people to peace out of a relationship.
The Flattening
"She threatened to hit me with a hammer."
– michaelrohansmith
Hitting The Bottle
"She became an abusive alcoholic. It was sad but I had to get out."
– diegojones4
Emotional pain is too damaging to recover from.
Truth Hurts
"She told me as we stood in front of the judge ending our 7 year marriage, 'I never loved you, I just wanted kids.'"
– Pinch_Dogs
Can't Fix Angry
"She was beautiful/smart but an angry angry person. I thought I could be sweet to her and 'fix' that. Heh. She kicked the crap out of me emotionally. Wife II has been a walk in the roses for 32 years now :)"
– lowlandr
A change of heart is worthless if comes too late.
"We Could've Had A Nice Marriage
"He could not understand that my wants and needs were as important as his wants and needs. We tried to make it work for 7 years. During that time, for things that were really important to me, I tried explaining logically, asking nicely, begging, crying, yelling, passive aggressiveness... cycled back through all of these options multiple times."
"(If I knew something was important to him, I would do that. For example, he was really into sports, so I went to all his events, even though that is not at all my thing.) When I finally threw up my hands and told him it was time to get a divorce, he suddenly panicked and said 'What can I do? Do you want me to do half the chores? I'll do it! Do you want me to get a job? I'll do it! Do you want me to buy you presents for your birthday? I'll do it!'"
"So, in other words, he could have been doing that all along, but just couldn't be bothered. That made me so angry. We could have had a nice marriage that we both enjoyed, but no, by the time he saw the light, that ship had sailed."
"We are both happily remarried now (to different people) and I joke that his new wife owes me a thank you note. It was his experience with me that taught him to listen to her and take her needs seriously."
– Bluebird-True
"What Can I Do?"
"My ex was exactly like this. I didn't marry him but when I told him let's break up, he went all like, what can I do? Let's get engaged, let's look at houses, etc. Basically all the pre-marriage topics that we should be discussing about after being together for 7 years."
"I got so angry and straight up told him it's too late... I don't need you anymore."
– gudetarako
As much as a couple wants to stay together, unforeseen circumstances can eventually tear people apart.
Very few people can maintain healthy long-distance relationships.
When a new job opportunity takes a significant other away, would you begrudge them for wanting a better position to earn more money? Or is it better for them to reluctantly turn down the opportunity so they could stay with you? Do either scenarios breed resentment?
These were questions I've often asked myself with past relationships, and my answers varied depending on the person I was with.
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