I can't get high anymore. I'm too old. I get exhausted and fall asleep mostly. So I need to stay sober to get my best ideas. I will say a few vodkas have stoked some inspiration but one too many sips and I'm useless again.
But I know a lot of people who give into their awakening after a few puffs or sips and they write Pulitzers, or pen Hall of Fame songs or crack government code.
Adele has said she wrote all of '21' drunk and most painters will tell you their greatest works were born of colors that popped while under the influence. I'm jealous. But however the work is born works--as long as it's born.
Redditor u/the-juiciest-jew wanted to hear about the brilliance that awakens in all of us when we dabble in some out of the box recreations, by asking:
Stoners of Reddit, what's the best idea you've come up with while stoned?
I think the best idea I ever had after a few long drags of some potent Mary Jane was to dance off some life drama to Madonna. I was sad and then... Madonna. Always a good idea.
Career Goals
excited making money GIF by HULU
Giphy
"To go back to school and become a Horticulturist so I could work in legal weed. I did it!"
Changes
"Legally change my last name to match my grandfather's who basically stepped up and acted as my dad my whole life. Being in his mid nineties, he's notoriously hard to shop for as material things don't mean much to him anymore. He was honored!"
"That's so awesome! My last name is my maternal grandpas too and not many people have our family last name anyway so I'm really glad I have it."
Back to School
"Drank too many beers and smoked one night with a buddy, and the next day we were both enrolled back in college after taking years off. Both got our degrees within the next two years. Doubt I would have ever went back if it wasn't for that night."
"I had a fiancé that cheated on me with a paramedic. I was very upset, hurt and pissed off. But I would've taken her back. In an effort to show that I was as good as that guy."
"I enrolled in the fire academy and graduated and then I went to EMT school. I was hired by a large metropolitan fire department. And five years ago after 30 years I retired. I never got her back but I got a great job that never seemed like a job and great retirement and besides that after thinking about it forget that witch!"
Impulses...
"I like to, on occasion, impulse buy in the snack isle while stoned, then put all the stuff away as soon as I'm home, then get more stoned. The idea is to be stoned and forget that bit happened and then later, I'd remember that I had awesome snacks and it feels like Christmas."
- HaZaaR_
Pop!
Erykah Badu Hat GIF by Soul Train
Giphy
"What if I invented a hat that could store a windbreaker in it? So if it starts to rain I just flick the hat and a water proof jacket pops out!"
Well that all sounds like a wealth of good ideas. Anything that gets people back to school and learning is a plus.
Roll-Up
Butter GIF by BTS 방탄소년단
Giphy
"Roll-up butter. Basically a glue stick or chapstick tube of butter that you roll up to apply to toast. Turned out the Japanese had already beaten me to it."
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Say I Do!
"I once got myself ordained as a minister during a break up and paid the extra for the certificate. It came to the house I was moving out of because my ex and I broke up. I picked up my mail and couldn't figure out what it was, so as my ex sat on the couch, I opened it. I then jokingly asked her to marry me because I knew a guy who could do the ceremony cheap. It turns out, it's not valid in most of Canada, including my province, unless I petition the court or something, which I wasn't about to do."
- Blazanar
Higdeas!
"A large boat that bakes donuts and sells them at ripoff prices on credit to seafaring recreationals."
- fourdac
"I had a similar highdea, a food truck/convenience store that goes to beaches in summer. Here in NZ even popular beaches can be quite isolated, so if you forget something you're buggered. A truck selling pies and lighters would go a long way."
Home
"Sitting on my porch one evening, I remembered my car was on empty. I figured I'd drive to the gas station down the street so I wouldn't have to rush in the morning. The weather was really nice and I thought "man, I should just walk there."
"This sort of happened to my friend's younger brother. He was high and decided to drive to the gas station 2 blocks away to get some snacks."
"Problem was he was so high and that he always walked to the place, so he walked back home. He forgot and the next day he called my friend and his mom asking if they borrowed his car and ended up filing a police report. I don't know who found it but it made me laugh."
Vaderways...
"Vadergrams. When you like somebody and you want to give them something but you have no excuse, you send a vadergram. A guy dressed up as Darth Vader goes and delivers a present and says "happy birthday" and they say "But it isn't my birthday," and dude says "I have altered the birthday - pray I do not alter it any further" and walks away."
Awake Meals
insomnia GIF
Giphy
"A cereal called Insomniacs. Think kind of like Lucky Charms but the marshmallows (stars, moons, and suns) are little yummy melatonins."
Cravings
- Get a stainless steel double walled ice cream bowl. Yes, you need one.
- Pour in a cup of frozen, pitted cherries.
- Add a cup of cereal. Frosted mini wheats are perfect for this. Even unsweetened cereals work well.
- Top up with cold milk and stir.
- Wait just long enough for the cherries to partially defrost and for the milk to get really, really cold.
- Enjoy… each bite should have cereal and a cherry."
"I crave this more than ice cream at times, sober or faded, and it's better for you. If you make it right, you feel a delightful cold sensation in your palate, esophagus, chest and stomach without ever getting an ice cream headache. Poor man's bingsu parfait."
While watching South Park
"Watching South Park, I decided that (most) social media is high risk low reward and I'd rather be blissfully ignorant. It's tremendously improved my happiness. I say most bc reddit, to me doesn't count. I'm more of a lurker and liker and my algorithm on here only shows me happy things and memes. Some times I won't understand memes because I've removed myself from how I was receiving news. Some times I feel kinda behind but I always feel happier than I used to looking at everyone's garbage."
Best of Wendy's
"Used to work at a Wendy's where pretty much all the employees were lethally stoned at any given time especially those of us who usually worked closing. Anyway one particularly slow day we just went out to the parking lot and smoked a joint and then came back inside and made baconator fries but put literally every cheese in the store in them and a ton more bacon and mix them up in one of the salad cartons. It was great."
Winner Winner
Giphy
"A game show totally based on lies. You have like 4 contestants, 2 two have totally made up personas, 1 just has a weird lifestyle/career, and the last one has to figure out which one is telling the truth. Also cheesy bacon tater tots."
Dried Up
"Once while high, I thought about dried fruit. I love dried apples, pears, nectarines, etc. but no one sold dried grapes. I kept thinking about it and how good they would probably be. Sober me remembered raisins."
Yeah, why do raisins suck so much? I could never make sense of it. The source material is dope but something gets lost in the translation..."
Complex and Compelling
"I do some of my best work high. Recently I wrote a highly technical software and biochemistry manual high. I get really in the zone with "take complex info and find good ways to structure and present it" stuff for some reason. Super nerdy, but "get high and build the world's best spreadsheet" is very compelling to me."'
- CanRova
The main plot is happening to someone else...
"I was baked & playing Skyrim, realized just how satisfying hours of side quests can be. I want an RPG that is all side quests. The main plot is happening to someone else. Your primary focus is to bring that nice old lady some flowers, or to clear trolls from a cave. Let the other guy deal with the big bad demons or war or whatever, you've got an errand to run for the shopkeep."
"You do get affected by the war etc, a bridge blew out so you have to take another route, supplies are low so prices are climbing and you have to really hunt for things, you overhear people in town complaining about burnt fields or having fearful conversations in the pub. Every now and then you'll see a dude in crazy armor sprint by, but mostly you're just going about your day. If it was done right, I'd play tf out of that game."
Smell it Up
Stop Motion Christmas GIF by Cosmic Tea
Giphy
"An artificial Christmas tree with a plug for pine scented plug ins. So all the smell with none of the mess."
Aren't all cereals made for insomniacs? Like who hasn't snarfed down Cocoa Pebbles at 3am? Keep puffing y'all, and then head to shark tank.
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
Giphy
Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
Giphy
See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
Giphy
Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
Giphy
Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
Giphy
The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
Giphy
"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
Giphy
"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
Giphy
"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
