Son Meets Disappointing Bio-Dad For The First Time, Asks Internet For Advice About Meeting The Rest Of The Family
It takes a lot of work to go and find your biological parents when you're adopted, and how disappointing it can be if you find out they aren't who you think they are.
u/MuNaMunaHuman told his story:
I [14M] met my father for the first time yesterday. I'm really disappointed and I don't know if I want to met the rest of them anymore.
I just got home and I had a day to think it over, I dunno anymore. I really did not enjoy meeting my dad, Zack, and I am just not sure anymore.
Zack is really immature for a 39 year old. He told me he likes to go to night clubs, bars, talk to young girls, etc, he's a frat boy that never grew up. He's just not what I was expecting. He told me that he could give me pointers on how to get 5 girls in 1 night. He comes off as such a douche. He's so in your face and loud. I don't know if I want to meet the rest of the family.
TL;DR: I don't know if I want to meet the rest of the family.
Here was some of the advice he got.
Can I just say I absolutely adore this response? Congrats for being a sensible person.
You are under no obligation at all to see anyone in this ruckus, but who are the rest of the family members you would be meeting?
Regardless, if you do not want to meet them, for whatever reason, just say you are not ready to reintroduce 'family' to your life. Family are the people who you choose as you family - you don't earn being family by blood. You owe nothing to these people, regardless if they share blood with you or not.
By all means, don't if that's what you want.
I met my dad at 16, now 28. First meeting was okay. Met his mom, sister, and my niece and nephew not long after. Overall okay people that love each other. I spent a weekend with him for my birthday and it was a little awkward. I was being shy and wasn't ready to really open up to him.
I was suppose to fly out state to meet the rest of my family...it never happened. He completely cut off all contact. I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings, had a phone conversation with him after that. The gist of that convo was him telling me that he didn't think I cared (because of my shyness towards him). I started bawling, my mom got pissed and started yelling at him. It was bad.
There's more to it. We tried a few other times over true years to connect. But meh. The last time I saw him, his lovely mother was telling me that she doesn't blame my mom for me not being around.... puh-fucking-lease. They wanted nothing to do with me then as an innocent baby, and not now as a grown as woman.
Good thing is that I met my half brother...not through him, naturally. He told me about him at 16, I never forgot. At that time, he was telling me how he told my brother about me, and they were trying to find a gift to get me. I eventually found my brother on Facebook at 23. Turns out our dad lied to me, my brother never even knew I existed. His mom, which is a really awesome woman, let him know that it was true, she just never knew how to tell him.
Well, I ended up moving out of state to get to know my brother for half a year. He's awesome, his family is awesome and welcomed me with open arms, and I am so glad that I got him out of this ridiculous shit factory of a situation.
Oh, yeah, my own dad blocked me on Facebook after we agreed to meet and have a drink together. His lovely mother also makes no effort to be a part of my life either.
This was a learning experience.
If I were you, learn your heritage from him and get any medical history. Phone numbers, addresses, meet your family. The only reason why is because if some health issue happens to you or any children you have in the future, you can try to contact them if absolutely necessary. Other than that, go your separate ways if that's what you are feeling.
Lol was not trying to write a wall of text.
So, I'm 31. I met my dad when I was 13. I have been nothing but increasingly disappointed by my father's, well, everything since that time. I'm pretty sure he's a sociopath trying to fit in with the rest of the world. He treats my half siblings orders of magnitude better than he treats me. I cannot express to anyone how much I wish I could go back and tell 13 year old me not to meet him. I know all of his family, they're not that much different than he is, and they kinda explain him. All of my favorite people from that side of the family are in-laws and weren't raised in those environments.
I will say this, how: I got to meet my dad's dad, with whom my father spent very little of his childhood. He's passed away now, but the 13-14 years in which I knew him were some really good ones. I consider him to be the silver lining to the shit-cloud that is my family.
So, what would I do now that I know what I know? I would dive in, find the people worth their salt, continually have them in my life, and exclude those who aren't. I would be crystal clear to all people where they stand and why.
God, your dad sounds like my mom. I met her when I was fifteen, and she bought me thongs and cigarettes.
I got an amazing half-sister (though I never call her that) out of the meeting, and that was about it.
Few things, he has no clue how to be a parent because while a sperm donor he isn't a parent. Your reaction already at 14 makes you more mature than this guy, who is my age age by a few years and the rest of us cringe at this sad display of a 'man'.
I think you had a mental picture of what your dad would be and god he did not even get close to it. You were not wrong for this, it's natural and he is WAY immature for his age anyway.
The five girls in one night comment shows his lack of respect for people and I think that's part of the disgust! (Your mom did a good job you are mature and can spot a loser, lots of women can't do that :p)
You do not owe this man or his family anything. Have you talked to your mom about this? If he calls I'd tell him I was busy when he tries for future meet ups. The good news (?) is he flaked for 14 years so I doubt he would consistently keep trying, especially if you were the one originally reaching out for the meet up.
As a person who met my bio dad at 36, I understand. He was not someone I wanted to invite to my home or meet the rest of my family, but I did meet my 1/2 sister out of it. She is amazing! Neither of us has a strong relationship with him, I only talk to him maybe twice a year, she sees him and talks to him more than that. But without him I would not have my incredible sister who I can not imagine living without now. Do what makes you comfortable and don't feel pressure to have a relationship with anybody. If you feel adventurous, meet some more of his side of people and maybe meet a cool person that you might have a great relationship with. Remember you don't have to, if you don't want to.
It sounds like you're a bit more mature than the average 14 y/o and he doesn't know how to interact with teenagers at all.
I met my biological father when I was 16. I was super gung-ho because my mother had died a few years before and I was craving/needing a parent in my life. It wasn't bad, he had cleaned up his life and was a decent human, but he never filled the void either.
We took things way too fast and the first time I met him in person I also met his wife and 25 of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It's a loving family but that was super overwhelming.
It's okay if this guy doesn't feel like 'Dad' to you and it's absolutely okay to not seek that sort of relationship with him. Don't try to force him into that position either because it just leads to frustration. It's best to take it slow. It's okay to say 'I'm not ready yet.' You don't have to meet his family alone. If your Mom can't go with you (when you feel ready, of course) see if another family member you like will go with you. Any decent human being would understand you needing that sort of safety net.
My biological father died last year, 14 years after I met him. At best we were acquaintances that talked on holidays. I don't regret having tracked him down. We found some common ground over the years and a couple instances of 'the apple didn't fall far from the tree.' I feel fulfilled in the sense that I know where I came from but still occasionally grieve what never was.
You've got time to navigate this. You can even take a break, try again later and reassess.
I had exactly the same experience when I met my Dad. It was such a disappointment. He also told me that he didn't see me as a child as he felt I should have made more of an effort... As small children often go out out of their way to book appointments with their father. He is a drunken, stoner loser who has never grown up.
I met up with him a few more times over the years, but decided it wasn't for me. I am almost 30 and haven't seen my father in over ten years now and I don't regret it. I know it's tough having your hopes shattered, but if he was a decent dad you wouldn't be meeting him for the first time at 14. You are under no obligation to meet him again, and if you change your mind you now know where he is.
Unfortunately this is so common (boys building up ideas of what their real father's are like and then being dissapointed) it's a common trope in media now. Fresh prince of bel air had an episode that was really emotional. Basically, there's a reason he wasn't in your life until now. Good men, no matter the circumstances would have made an effort to be in your life. Relationship with your mother non withstanding.
My mother is/was an abusive narcissist. My father left when I was 12. I don't blame him, not even a little bit. What I knew of her then was enough to say that, and that was thru a child's eyes who didn't have full understanding of the situation. It was still enough but I'm sure there was more.
I later found out a lot of what she had told me about him had been a lie. I had been lied to and brainwashed and turned against him. I contacted him. He was so happy he cried. He answered all my questions, and wanted to know all about who I had grown up to be. I was 24 at the time.
We went to dinner the next week and it was a little awkward but very nice.
Sadly, this has no happy ending.
He remarried and my stepmother did everything she could to push me away, convinced for no reason that I didn't like her. She was in the hospital once and I asked my dad to ask her if I could visit. He relayed that she said she didn't want people seeing her sick. I said I understood, because I did, and to let her know if she changed her mind and felt up to it, I would still love to see her.
Well, than I "didn't like her" because I didn't come visit anyway. After she had asked me not to.
They lived about a half hr away from me. They would mention they had been in town, and when I said "Hey, why don't you call, we could grab an ice cream or something" he said "Well we don't want to bother you, you're so busy with school." I would say "I'm busy now, but could we meet up Thur?" if I were busy when they called.
When I graduated, they came, took 1 picture, said "Well, you probably want to go be with your friends...." and left. My friends were all going to lunch. With THEIR families.
I tried talking to my Dad about how I felt I didn't matter and how I felt he didn't want to even try to develop our relationship. He said nothing. We were on the phone and I had to ask if he was still there.
It never got resolved. No acknowledgement I had spoken even happened. We plodded along for a couple more months until there was another incident where I wasn't even thought about. My step brother's bday. I didn't even get an invite because it was "just a small thing for family".
So I wasn't even a cousin anymore. I was his god damned child and I wasn't family.
I lost it that time. I screamed at him. That while I understood why he left, and didn't resent him for it, neither had heever made ONE overture to get in touch, he was so happy to have his only child back that he couldn't even consider her family, this was a mistake. He finally spoke. He said "I just feel like every time we talk all I get is a list of complaints. I've never been the type to drudge up te past, I was hoping we could just put that behind us but I guess that's not possible with you. You were raised by your mother after all, it shouldn't surprise me."
And that's when it finally hit me, if he saw my abusive, insane, manipulative, childish, substance abusing mother as a suitable partner, he couldn't have been healthy either. And he had onviously chosen another personality disordered manipulator as his second wife.
So f*ck em.
I'm not glad I tried to reconnect with him. I wish I had realized that even if he thought I still hated him, as the parent, if he cared, he should have tried somewhere in the span of 12 years. That very probably as an adult, I wouldn't be thinking like the 12 year old he knew.
But no. That would have required effort and he wanted me to just shut up and be his kid when it was convenient for him and call it "moving forward" even tho I got none of what I needed during our attempt at a relationship. I wasn't expecting Daddy. I was grown. I was expecting a Father, tho. An adult with whom I could have an adult family relationship.
I wish I had never called. I wish I hadn't envisioned some great reunion and making up for lost time. Because I should have known that wasn't reality.
Sometimes you just don't have any money and you have to make it work. I learned how to make the most out of bargains at the grocery store and know how to make food that is hearty and will last more than a day or two. Beans and rice are your friends, by the way. You'd be surprised by how many delicious meals you can make with just these two basic ingredients.
Being poor requires you to be creative.
Penny pinching is an art, as we were so deftly reminded after Redditor naranja_cheese asked the online community,
"What is the most penny pinching you've ever done?"
"I used to steal..."
"I used to steal half-used rolls of tp when I was a janitor. Lived off white rice and Worcestershire sauce for months. Got a job as a cook & always saved a few scraps while plating people's food so I would have something to eat without paying for a meal. Also worked at a butcher shop& would take home bones to roast and make a stew with. I can share hundreds of things like this."
"I worked part-time..."
"I worked part-time in school, but was pretty broke. I wasn't being paid until the following day, and I needed soy sauce for my extra super tasty stir fry. I literally had negative funds in my account. So I went to the grocery store, grabbed a sushi tray, threw a ton of packets of soy sauce in my pocket (they don't charge you for these), wandered a bit, pretended I changed my mind, and left."
"While at the grocery store..."
"While at the grocery store, putting back that pack of chicken breast that cost $2.98 for the other pack of chicken breast that cost $2.95."
"Things were insanely tight..."
"Used to make my own laundry detergent during a time when we had relocated and our prior home had not sold so we had rent on top of a mortgage for 18 months. Things were insanely tight in those days, to say the least."
I definitely know what this is like.
"I took some cedar boards..."
"I had no money for Christmas gifts. I only had enough to pay rent. I took some cedar boards in the backyard, cut them, burnt them a little black as I had no money to finish them. Then I passed them off as cutting boards."
"One Friday night..."
"One Friday night in college, my two buddies and I had a grand total of $3 to our names. I bought a box of Mac 'n Cheese, a can(!) of escargot, and three Lil' Debbie Star Crunches. We had a full meal with starch, protein, and dessert."
"I lived on pasta..."
"When I was at university my entire budget was less than £40 a week. I lived on pasta and stolen sauce packets from the Students Union. The cafeteria ladies would always take pity on me at closing time and give me free burgers."
"I lost my job..."
"I lost my job and lived in a $1400/month apartment where electricity (which included heat) and internet were ludicrously expensive. $400-450 a month in the winter because the building was an old mill with huge windows and no insulation. Fortunately, gas and water were free."
"I only turned on my lights when I had to, turned off the heat entirely, and heated my apartment by boiling a huge pot of water on the gas stove 24 hours a day and going to the business center to use the free DSL connection to apply for jobs. I ate rice with frozen vegetables and spices for three months."
"It sucked, but I got by."
Hopefully things are much better now.
"If I ate fast food..."
"If I ate fast food or takeout food, I would ask for extra sauce packets or garnishes that they give out for free. I would stock up on them, use them when I cook instead of buying the stuff from the store. For example, a $1 box of pasta, a clove of garlic, and 2-3 ramekins of parm cheese, half ramekin of chili flakes, and a pinch of Italian herbs I got from a pizza place makes a quick meal."
"My local mall..."
"My local mall used to do paid surveys, you'd watch a video or try some new soda or whatever and they'd give you a couple of dollars. Then I'd use that to buy a meal."
Sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do. It's not easy.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
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Now, this isn't going to be a long, "Let's all pile on how bad the internet is and only think about the good ol' days when the rocks were soft and we could only communicate using cans with string."
People old enough to remember life pre-Internet, what are some less obvious things you miss about that time?
Many habits we used to possess were made completely irrelevant thanks to the internet. Not that we didn't enjoy doing them, we just started asking ourselves, "What's the point?"
Completely Devoid Of Technological Interference
"Leaving home and just being gone for the day. No cell phones. If there were cameras, it was really different. You used them to take pictures of things or had people take pictures of you. But there was no social media to preoccupy your mind. It was just doing something. And whoever you were with, was who you were with."
No One Needs 24 Hours Of Nonsense
"News only being on at 6pm. That was it. Now we have 6 hours of local news and 24 hours of cable news. Not being bombarded all day with "news." And when you saw "Breaking News" on the screen you knew something serious went down."
You Mean We Actually Have To Go?
"It used to be a lot harder to bail on things. You'd have to call the person at home and tell them yourself, or at least leave a message if you wanted to be risky. Typically if you were gonna bail you'd give at least 24 hours notice. Nowadays people can let you know they're bailing last second since you're always reachable."
"RSVPing mattered. If you said you were going to be there, you made sure to be there. None of this facebook invites that everyone blows off without any form of social repercussions. If you said you were going to go and didn't go, you were the a--hole and everyone knew it."
You can get almost anything on the internet. Almost. Still no sign of real working Lightsabers anywhere out there, but the internet has eliminated many of our purchasing practices.
Just In Time For The Holidays!
"The Sears catalog. That was how I found out about all the cool new toys."
"Catalogs in general, for me. Before the internet made mindless browsing of stuff you didn't need ~really~ easy to do, we still liked doing this without having to drive to the mall. The solution? Sign your mom up for those cool seed catalogs, those not safe to browse at the office gag gift catalogs and then everything in between. That stuff was really nice to have when you grew up somewhere that was not even cable ready."
1 Good Song Out Of 15
"When you bought new music you just had to hope it was good. The single might be popular but otherwise unless someone had it you just bought it and hoped for the best."
"There was so much excitement to going to a cd store to buy an album that you only knew one song of or the band/artist name and just listening to that entire cd over and over again picking out which tracks were your favorite while still learning every lyric to all the songs on the album.
Building a cd collection was also fun."
Talk About The "Immediate Gratification" Generation, Huh?
"The instant win bottle caps / candy / chocolate bar wrappers where you could turn them back into the store and immediately get a free one. Now it's just codes you have to register on their website so they can get your info, i don't even bother anymore."
Finally, there's these activities, to difficult to explain to anyone who wasn't there. How do you get someone to understand that not having a supercomputer in your pocket at all hours of the day radically changed your life?
Keeping It In Front Of You
"I miss having an attention span of more than three seconds"
"It's so weird. I can only vaguely remember what it feels like to not have a smartphone and to be alone and think.
Wondering what my friends are doing and if they'd like to do something on the weekend. We'd have to talk during lunch break at school and plan it...
Trying to find the answer to a math problem... Having to figure it out by re-reading the problem and explanations 5 times."
There Used To Be A Time When You Couldn't Play Everything
"Not being overwhelmed by choice.
Don't get me wrong, having nearly every form of media downloadable is great, but back in the day, i rented a video game and i played that video game as much as i could.
Now, its hard to give it more than 2 seconds before i try one of the 20,000 games i have access to.
New game plus used to be cool. Now, I'm happy if just beat the game"
Floundering. Just A Little.
"My formative years were the 1980s. I remember like yesterday going to study in Paris my junior year of college. I got off the plane with no cell phone, no internet, a Let's Go Paris book, and just a hostel address written on a piece of paper I'd stuck in a French dictionary. I did not know a single person in all of France.
I had $500 of cash stuck in a money belt. The belt was tight and sweaty but that money had to last me for at least a month until I could find a part-time job with my lousy French. My "credit card" was my father's credit card numbers written down on a piece of paper. He told me I could only use it to buy a plane ticket home in an emergency.
I remember standing in the airport and having this powerful emotion of being 21 years old, scared sh-tless, but in absolutely completely control of my own destiny. There was absolutely nobody who could come rushing to my aid if I needed it. I was 100% on my own.
I'm actually very thankful for that experience. I found the hostel. I found a job. I made friends. I learned French. I made it all on my own which was just a big boost in life confidence.
I have no doubt if I'd had a cell phone I would've called my parents on Day 2, told them it was too hard, and been on the next plane home. But I had no other choice but to succeed."
We can never go back. Not really, anyway. The only way is to keep going forward, be aware of the effect the internet has on us, and do our best to not let it take away the things that really matter in our lives.
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Look, unless you enjoy cooking, no one likes spending time in the kitchen longer than they have to in order to whip up something mediocre to eat.
Ordering food or, for the time being, enjoying a socially distanced lunch at an establishment is convenient, but it can take a toll on your wallet.
So what options are there?
Fortunately, there are plenty of them that do not involve nuking a frozen entree.
"What's your go-to under 5 minute meal?"
These dinner selections are super sufficient.
A Loaded Course
"Two hotdogs and a side of judgement from my fiancé"
In Case You Didn't Know
"Quesadilla. super quick and easy to make and there's a ton of ingredients that you can add without much effort that will make it even better."
"Ramen and an egg, but not the traditional way."
- "Boil roughly half an inch of water (we want just enough water to boil the noodles, with very little water left over when it's done boiling)."
- "Smash up the ramen noodles, while still in the package (optional but cooks MUCH faster)."
- "Open the package and remove the seasoning."
- "Dump the noodles in."
- "While boiling, crack an egg and whisk in a small bowl."
- "Noodles should be done and almost all the water should be gone, if not strain out some.
- Remove from the heat."
- "Slowly pour in the egg while mixing very quickly, try not to let the egg touch the pan."
- "Mix as much of the seasoning packet as you like (I prefer 1/2 - 3/4 because I usually add a salty component at the end.)"
- "Add to bowl and top with some chives, thinly sliced, ripped up ham/salami and/or parsley. Leftover bacon or pancetta are fantastic crunchy components to dial up the texture."
"Easy, fast and checks so many of the 'munchie' boxes for me."
Don't Underestimate Soups
"Tomato soup and add tortellini. I like the spinach ones from Trader Joe's and Progreso creamy tomato with basil. It's bomb and it really makes a decent meal."
For people in a rush, these tasty snacks would suffice.
Goes Well With Veggies And Cheese
"Hummus is such an underrated food. It goes well with a lot of veggies and breads and chips or heck even cheese. All the time I hear hummus being listed as one of those weird, gross foods when its actually an amazing snack, or a meal if done correctly. It's not really unhealthy, either, especially if eaten with veggies (celery and carrots go great with hummus)."
Ready In Seconds
"All I do is get a paper towel, and put 5 Oreos on it."
"Then go back and get the whole package."
Peanut Butter Fantasies
"Peanut butter sandwich."
"If I'm feeling extra froggy I'll add nutella to the peanut butter and honey sandwich and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Goes down about as well as a popeye's biscuit though."
"It's like cheating the system. You eat sweets and call it healthy."
Start your day without all the hassle of a fancy breakfast.
Put It In A Bowl
"Oatmeal or cereal."
"Cereal is definitely underrated as a meal outside of the breakfast dynamic."
"A very simple recipe my grandma prepared for me when i was a kid."
"It's basically scrambled eggs...but before adding the egg she would cook sweetcorn (from a can) with a little bit of butter, add the eggs and then when the eggs were almost ready, add small cubes of cheese and cook for a minute or until the cheese start to melt (she was using fontal, but any swiss or white cheddar will do). Just a little black pepper and salt."
"Takes 5 minutes to do but it's absolutely delicious, fill you up, not so unhealthy and I feel my late grandma with me."
'I tried variations with chives or spring onions, paprika or other stuff. Still good but nothing as good as a simple "uova strapazzate con mais e formaggio.'"
I consider yogurt a healthy snack/lunch option.
I like having a bowl of non-fat plain Greek yogurt with raspberries, blueberries, sprinkled with granola and drizzled with honey.
It's packed with nutrients and gives me a nice boost of energy.
Yogurt also makes for a perfect chip dip. I sprinkle some onion soup mix and stir in the mixture. Who knew quick and easy food prep could be so delicious?
We all like to assume that a big old scar has an amazing, hardcore story behind it: maybe a valiant fight or some life threatening-escape.
But despite what Hollywood would have us think, that is so rarely the case.
Usually, some kind of bizarre accident leaves us with the biggest scar of our life. There's no action movie story behind it, just a careful mixture of foolishness and bad luck.
Clearly not put off by some gruesome anecdotes, Redditor fluffybear45 asked:
"People with scars, how did you get them?"
For many, it was the wild antics of childhood that left them slightly maimed. With many years now separating the Redditor from the event, these were pretty hilarious.
Out of Nowhere!
"I was playing on a swing and then my leg got stuck in barbed wire." -- Soviet_God-Emperor
"I feel like we missed a couple steps here, or your local park had some serious issues." -- Henfrid
"Yo that went from 0 to 100 real fast" -- IHaveButt
"2nd grade, defective slip-n-slide." -- AdmiralAkbar1
"I'm pretty sure the general design of the slip'n'slide was defective. Those stakes weren't covered originally, so you had to be straight down the middle of the slide or else....." -- Q-burt
"Could you refer to this incident in a gravely voice while staring into the middle distance, pausing only to shudder and sip your scotch?" -- CaptValentine
That's Why You Need an Axe Yard
"My dad hit me with an axe (bladed side) in the face. Stupid 10 yo me just had to look over his shoulder while he was hammering in herrings for our tent."
Others talked about freak accidents that came not from the stupidity of childhood, but the bad luck of mistakes made as an adult.
Bad Conditions for Practice
"Dad gave me a folding knife for Christmas"
"I read online that you could flick it open with one hand"
"So I practiced it, after my hands were greasy from eating a burger"
Take Your Pick
"Multiple long scars on my back are from falling onto a old soviet steel welcome mat ( i dont know how to describe it in english but its meant to wipe dirt of your shoes with triangle shaped steel beams."
"Medium sized one on my forearm is from a barbed wire fence, another one next to it is from a motorcycle accident and one on the base on my thumb is from a cars hood slipping and cutting me."
One Heck Of a Fall
" 'This one is from a skateboard, this one was a truck accident, and this one was a fire hydrant.' "
" 'Oh really? I bet each one has a very unique story.' "
" 'Not really, I skateboarded off of a truck into a fire hydrant.' "
Last, some people talked about the medical procedures that left them with the big gash. These stories had some ninth grade words and not nearly as much stupidity.
"A rare auto immune disorder called pyoderma gangrenosum twice... Don't google If you don't like gore... I had to have daily wound care and high doses of medical steroids"
"My intestines telescoped on themselves 8" scar on my belly." -- Anom8675309
"I never wanted to see the words 'intestines' and 'telescoped' together. Ouch." -- LadySygerrik
"I was born 2 months premature. I wasn't born with an esophagus so drs. cut my stomach open and used parts of my colon or intestines and created a new one for me. I have a huge scar on my neck and my stomach is one big scar. Also had a stomach feeding tube for quite a bit and heart surgery at 2 days old."
"I love science. I wouldn't have experienced life if it hadn't been for advances in medical science."
So if you've been sitting on an embarrassing backstory for one of your scars, feel free to share. You're hardly alone.
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