People Who Married Their 'Better Than Nothing' Partner Describe How It's Going
I've always been told... NEVER SETTLE!
But settling can work out.
You never know.
So what really happened when people settled?
Redditor adambier1587asked:
"People who married their 'better than nothing' option, how’s your marriage going?"
Still Time
"My wife said 'so far so good' but it's only been 35 years so there is still time for change if needed."
Netman-
black and white love GIFGiphy22 Years
"I feel like we may have both settled because we had a child together, but 22 years in and he’s a better partner than I could have ever dreamed."
armsinstead
"Definitely everything up to the ‘but’ with my wife, things have been good at best and poor recently. Living together before helped some, but damn I underestimated or was decidedly oblivious to the necessity of having a similar level of intelligence, even more so than common ground, for long-term happiness."
Away_Reaction_1628
Give it a shot...
"A coworker got married to their 'better than nothing' six or seven years ago. It was one of those things where both people settled since they were getting older and I guess they figured they'd give it a shot. They went from single to married in eight months."
"Apparently as time went on it only got better for them."
"They both started actively trying to better themselves (seeing therapists, picking up healthy solo hobbies) and learned how to best communicate with each other over that time. They're both in their early 50s now and they act like a happy younger couple whenever we're at work events. It's kinda cool to see."
"Pretty mundane but I wanted to share one that I know that worked out."
Justicles13
Obsessed
"So my marriage is not 'better than nothing,' but I was also never obsessed with my wife the way I have been obsessed with a new person before. Part of the reason I was willing to marry her was because we communicated well, worked with each other to improve each other's lives, and we generally enjoy many of the same things while still retaining who we are individually. The biggest thing is that we both felt physically and emotionally safe with each other."
"I am now obsessed. I love my wife more than I have ever loved anyone."
Xannin
knocking my socks off...
"I think the way you worded this implies that the relationship was shi**y to begin with. I married someone I considered kind of a settle at first. I hadn't had a relationship in over a year and met a girl at a bar and thought, 'she's pretty enough and I like being around her.'"
In Love Hearts GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"The thing is, we grew together and I have a very successful and happy marriage despite her not initially knocking my socks off. I think I fit your comments intent but I'm not sure because at no point in our relationship was it so bad I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore."
"I guess what I'm saying is if my story matches your intent, then it can work out. If you meant marrying into a toxic relationship, I don't think you're going to get many success stories."
MrPopo72
So the end can be different from the beginning. Good to know.
It was devastating...
"I think I am the better than nothing spouse. About a month ago I found out. It was devastating."
Sad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy"For 17 years she settled for me despite not truly loving me. Life was hard but we had each other or so I thought. The moment we talked about how bad things got she asked for a divorce and I lost my best friend and sole person who I felt I trusted enough to talk to. I move out tomorrow to rebuild my life."
Kierik
The Turning Point
"I don't know if this is exactly what you're after, but my husband and I got together as single parents. When you do that, you're choosing as much for the kids as for you. You actually don't know what kind of couple you are on your own. And when the kids grew up, after over a decade together, we had to figure that out for the first time."
"It started out good for maybe the first 4-5 years, then went really rocky in the kid's teens. Turns out as they needed us less, we really didn't have enough common ground in a lot of ways - in particular, I had emotional and emotional-labour needs that weren't being met."
"We discussed divorce several times, but at our peak crisis point, decided to work on it because one of our kids had just had a bereavement (death of the other parent). And honestly, it still wasn't working that well and maybe still would have ended in divorce, but then I had a terrible work situation that lasted a year, and he really stepped up."
"That was the turning point. I was able to let go of my resentments about all the times I'd carried us, because at some point he'd done enough that I didn't feel baited-and-switched anymore. Then the kids grew up and we had to learn to be a couple on our own together."
"That took time, but we'd sort of grown and changed into a better match by then. We're really solid now, have been for probably the last five years or so. But it's been a team endeavour to get it that way and keep it there, it's not something that just happens."
nurseynurseygander
Love & Loss
"Was married for 10yrs, got 2 kids out of it and some of the happiest years of my life. We both pretty much settled for each other. Eventually both concluded that we just weren't right for each other and cut it off but I don't have any regrets about it. Without her I definitely would have been one of the people out there that are forever alone. So I definitely would agree with the 'better to have loved and lost' saying."
FerretsAteMyToes
Option in my 30's
"I married my 'better than nothing' option in my 30s. We both understood what we had waited for and committed ourselves fully to the marriage. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had married my 'preferred option' and I realize that the love I feel from the person I married is so much better than the 'preferred option' would have been."
"I never did convince the preferred option to date me, while the woman I'm married to now found me easy to love. In other words, my romantic self is an idiot and my better than nothing was actually better than everything."
eileyle
42
"My parents got married because they were considered old in their church (they were 26 and 24…) and they both wanted kids. My mom told me that is was the practical thing to do, haha! Luckily they hit it off, and though it took a lot of time and work, they are annoyingly in love and have been married for 42 years next month."
Islanduniverse
in love kiss GIFGiphySo good enough can turn into the perfect choice.
Good to know...
People Break Down What They'd Do If The Internet Shut Down Tomorrow
Reddit user Samuelwankenobi_ asked 'If the internet shut down tomorrow, what do you do?'
As quickly as the internet and social media came onto the scene, many people can still remember what it was like before the internet was so prevalent, or at least when people were first getting acclimated to it.
Thinking back, they entertained the idea of the internet going away again, and the results were eye-opening.
Redditor Samuelwankenobi_ asked:
"If the internet shut down tomorrow, what do you do?"
Looking for Work
"I would probably have to look for a job."
- alwaysworks
"Almost all business now depends on the internet, including payment networks, infrastructure, etc..."
- trancecircuit
Be Kind; Rewind
"Step 1. Make some phone calls."
"Step 2. Open a new form of Blockbuster. People are going to want their movies and shows that they can't stream anymore."
"Step 3. Profit."
- ooglieguy0211
Office Environments
"Be f**king p**sed because I have to work in an office again."
- FredChocula
Honestly, A Dream
"It would be time to actually 'quit' and get to that plant mom career I’ve been wanting."
- skdubbs
Mental Health Quality
"I'd probably see an improvement in my mental health."
- Pale_Currency_134
Back to Reading
"I'd get a library card."
- Virgin_algerian
Reconnect with Nature
"Go outside."
- CertifiedLurker5
"For a nice long bike ride."
- nutellatubby
Internet Addiction
"I am 20 and the internet is all I have known. I would be so annoyed, frustrated, and depressed all at the same time but I do think with time my mental health would improve and I would start doing the things I actually want to do."
- officialjeasuschrist2
"I am 50 and miss my internet-free life quite often. Tech and the internet have done a number on my ability to focus, productivity, and social interactions. But I also lack the willpower to simply shut it off."
- Taminella_Grinderfal
Options Aplenty
"Clean my house and do the garden. No wait, my current fixation is an offline game, I'd probably play that and watch some of my 12Tb of shows and movies instead..."
- LordOafsALot
Sounds About Right
"Run like a headless chicken for about three hours and then go clean my room."
- RavenWitch13
We Can Certainly Hope So
"Go back to enjoying life as it's supposed to be."
- Starforce1616
Practical Choice
"Well, I’d try unplugging and it plugging it back in. Will probably fix it."
- DisappointingPanda
Apocalypse Now
"There would be no card payments (how do you buy food, gas, medicine,…). Landlines run over the internet where I live so no basic telephones. Communication as we know it would be gone. Would ATMs even work anymore? Things would get really ugly, really fast."
- alwaysaprairiegirl
"Nothing would work, some major infrastructures have backups, but for the most part our entire way of life is run through the internet."
"We’d be f**ked if it was out longer than three to five days."
- Mundane_Tour_3215
Avoid the Panic
"Hunker down for the next 48 hours. Stay away from public places and try to avoid being killed over a can of soup as the panic spreads. If it comes back on immediately, start using the brief calm to stockpile as much as I can. Within a week the cost of living will skyrocket as companies try to bleed people dry to recoup their losses and pay for the new redundancy systems they are putting into place. If it doesn't come back on after 48 hours; well kiss your @ss goodbye."
- westernteryaki
Ready to Go
"I am a child of the 80s. I trained for this."
- Subliminal_Image
Though being without the internet being gone would be incredibly jarring, those who were old enough to remember a time without such a prominent internet actually welcomed the idea.
There's no question that the pandemic changed the world, and as the pandemic grew from a month-long hiatus to a three-year one, it's disconcerting to think of how much things have changed.
For some, basic conveniences, entertainment, and those things we used to take for granted are the things they still miss the most.
Redditor jdward01 asked:
"What do you miss that disappeared during the pandemic?"
Driving Etiquette
"Driving really seems to have gotten worse, hasn’t it? I can’t figure it out."
- limedifficult
"Being passed in the turn lane on a three-lane road. Never in my life saw it before the pandemic. Then it turned into once every several weeks."
"Also, the police completely stopped doing anything about basic laws. Having the person in front of you slam on their brakes and realize they have no brake lights is a blast."
"Also, license plates were ‘optional’ around here until very very recently. But I still can’t remember the last time I saw a police officer pulling over speeders on the highway."
- clocks212
Basic Hope
"My belief that most people are reasonable and compassionate."
- Waughoo81
Good Quality Meals
"24-hour stores and food that had better quality."
"It seems like all food has gone down in quality. Fast food, sit-down restaurants, take out, and grocery stores."
- ZenoSalts
"I took my daughter to Applebee's yesterday (her pick) and I'm not saying their food was ever fantastic, but there was a very noticeable difference in the food from even the past year or two. I've noticed this in several restaurants lately. It's getting harder and harder to find decent restaurant food anymore."
"It sucks because I hate cooking, lol (laughing out loud)."
- anonymousloser000
Basic Kindness
"General friendliness. People care less about each other than they used to."
- Gabrilaellie85
Social Etiquette
"Civility. I mean, it wasn't great to begin with, but post-pandemic, no one seems to know how to act in public anymore."
- kopackistan
Ability to Socialize
"My social skills."
- FreeStudios
"Seriously. I found myself extremely awkward as things started opening up."
- Old_Snow3086
"And social stamina! I went to a baby shower for two and a half hours and to a department store for like an hour yesterday. Came home SO exhausted that I took a nap for an hour. Then a few hours later I went to bed and slept THIRTEEN HOURS STRAIGHT. Like what the f**k?"
- kat_the_houseplant
Medical Work
"I miss when I enjoyed my job, I'm sure I'm not the only one, but the pandemic really changed the way my hospital runs and not for the better. All the good staff who could jumped ship, and if they replace them at all, it's with a traveler or a warm body, and our quality of care has certainly suffered."
"Not to mention, the organization I work for is buying up all sorts of s**t but when we need vital equipment, we are told how there is no money for it. Even more insulting is this stupid f**king robot they bought that's sole purpose is to deliver things between departments. I'm pretty close to quitting healthcare forever at this point."
"Normally I don't entertain when people s**t on America, but for real as someone on the inside our healthcare system is f**king appalling."
- Bootsix
"I came here to post this, it’s not really related to my hospital but just to my disillusionment with medicine in general. I used to feel proud and honored to be a physician. Now it’s just a job and a path to retirement, as early as possible. I’m burnt to a crisp and jaded beyond repair. I’m 40 years old."
- Sp4ceh0rse
Night Shifts
"S**t being open after nine o'clock. Working second shift got harder when everything is closed after."
- Barmacist
"24-hour places don't exist anymore either. Even Walmart isn't 24 hours anymore here. The only things open 24 hours are my local grocery, gas stations, and McDonald's."
- mhenderson1008
Walmart and McDonald's
"24-hour Walmart and all-day breakfast at McDonald's."
- RabidRabbiRabbit
Affordable Living
"Humans need so much STUFF and it all costs money. All this irritating need for food and toothpaste and electricity and whatnot. Why is it so expensive?"
- theyarnllama
Affordable Housing
"I had been saving to buy a house and recognized that everything was going to go bad soon so I closed on a house in June 2020. I don't know when we'll see interest rates that low again."
- TheEveryman86
"My wife and I had the same thought in summer 2020. We bought a small house for what seemed like too much money then."
"Our house is now worth 100k+ more. Good for me, but my friends who have decent jobs tried to buy like three months after us and even though they were in a near exact situation that we were in, their hopes were dashed."
"It’s been three years. They’re still looking, but their option pool is small and pretty terrible."
- UnspeakablyCrass
Loved Ones
"My grandpa."
- Yan-Ts
"Mom for me."
- No_Step_4431
Paper Menus
"Paper menus. I'm tired of scanning a QR code and dealing with terrible interfaces and slow wifi just to order a meal."
- Ariadne_on_the_Rocks
Poor Reception
"People."
"I work in a grocery store. We were deemed essential services and were forced to work. We didn't want to be called heroes, the people did to make themselves feel better. Now that the pandemic is over, the people are back to treating us like garbage again."
"F**k people."
- Wraisted
Employment
"My job... company went under. It was a love-hate relationship, but I've suffered for it."
- BigEyedThresher
The pandemic impacted everyone and with long-lasting effects. But some of the things we're left missing after the pandemic are the same things we took for granted before.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
Some people have the tendency to hold things in so as not to risk ruffling feathers or facing huge embarrassment.
The problem with that, however, is that these secrets can fester and become unbearable to live with.
At some point, something's gotta give, and it can be worth the release.
Curious to hear examples of those kinds of scenarios, Redditor FazzyPhonix asked:
"What’s something you need to get off your chest but haven’t yet?"
When it comes to finding love, it's complicated.
Feeling Love
"I’ve never experienced genuine, romantic love. I have had opportunities for it. But I never really felt like I could develop it."
– Frisky_Potato42nite
Concept Of Dating
"Aroace here. I can't believe how long I spent waiting for romantic feelings. Dating sounds like a good idea, but I have never once wanted to date anyone in particular. Frankly, it's infuriating."
– grayTorre
Unrequited Love
"I’m madly in love with my ex and can’t move on. He’s across the country and I can’t even look at anyone else because of how I feel. It’s been almost 2 years, I don’t want to feel this way anymore but I can’t make it go away."
"There, that helped a little."
– lavenderdearest
Some people are deep in despair but don't show it.
Feeling Stuck
"I used to self harm by cutting and making myself throw up, I've dealt with several eating disorders and am pretty much still in one currently, I feel stuck in a life that doesn't seem to be going anywhere and I'm kind of just surviving at the moment."
– BarefootBestseller
Choosing Life
"I was in that boat and thinking about ending it. Everything was just boring. In the end I’m glad I didn’t; I’ve had a great couple years. I got engaged and found an amazing house with my fiancée. Now I’m trying to make everyone’s life around me a little better everyday. Whenever I see a post like this I always think about how happy I am I stuck around. Even though you’re just treading water now, you’ll catch a current and go somewhere soon. Just keep hanging on for now, I know things will get better for you and you’ll be looking back happily one day."
– mbur77
Some people wish to avoid placing burden on others by keeping personal matters a secret.
Cancer Risk
"I have to go get a biopsy done because I might have cancer. From what I read, I shouldn’t be overly worried but if it did come back positive there is a little more then a 50% chance I won’t be here in 5 years. Haven’t really told anybody, because it could very well be nothing but f'k it is keeping me up at night."
"Edit: thanks for the love everybody, should be fine. As people have mentioned, could come back negative, could be cancerous but benign. The idea is I just got to know, because I feel like my life is on pause until I find out. ❤️ back at everybody."
– trudenter
Friendly Warning
"Don’t put it off. I put off going to the dr when starting having some downstairs problems. Turned out it was stage 2 cervical cancer. If only I’d have gone to the dr sooner? Maybe the tumour wouldn’t have been so big, I might not have needed so much chemo or radio and I can’t stop thinking about how I should have done it sooner as it’s had so much of an impact on my life."
– shiningstar121618
Some feel a loss so deep, they think it's best to just go through it alone.
Old Best Friend
"I miss my best friend but I do think it's better that we're apart. I try not to think about it."
– twirlingpink
Mourning The Death Of A Friendship
"Best friend from school beat up his baby mama infront of me and I had to intervene. Turned out it had been going on secretly for a long time. Never would have expected it had i not seen it myself. Ended up having to be a witness in court anf give evidence to help her and the kid get the restraining order. I did the right thing, her and the little girl and happy and he's stopped drinking and has visitation rights now. Me and him are done though, well never be friends again. I mourn him as if he were dead."
– Cpt_kaleidoscope
Look Back
"Broke up with my best friend of 9 years almost 8 years ago now. I still miss him at times but eventually got to the point where I saw how toxic that relationship became and know im way better off having ended it. Took a couple years to get there."
– Kinoko98
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
First impressions can be misleading, to the point of being dangerous.
After all, as Jane Austen taught us in Pride and Prejudice (whose original title was, in fact, First Impressions) the person who ends up being the love of your life might seem utterly loathsome upon a first meeting.
Even so, it's hard not to snap to judgment when meeting someone for the first time, particularly based on what they say.
Be it a difference in political or religious beliefs, or simply something shockingly rude or ignorant, all it can take is a few words or idioms to make us never want to see or hear from someone ever again.
"What words/phrases do you hear someone say and immediately know you’re probably not going to like the person?"
Is It Even Love?
"'Tough love' often seems to be used as an excuse to be a dick. I get it when it's like an intervention, but most times I've personally heard it this was just people who wanted to start sh*t." -Reddit
That Could Be ONE Reason...
“'People don’t like me because I tell it like it is'.”- MassiveProductions
Taking Others Down Is No Way To Pick Yourself Up...
"If a person humiliates others for the sake of boosting his own ego, I immediately stop communicating with that person."- AnastasiaFrid
mean girls ugh GIFGiphyOr Just Brutal?
“I’m brutally honest”- -not-pennys-boat-
And That's A Problem Because...?
“You’re so quiet”- WearyPigeon
Not Everyone Likes Their Family...
"'We're a family here' in a work setting."
"Mother f*cker you just laid off 'cousin' Bill."- recoil669
Hbo Are We Doing This GIF by SuccessionHBOGiphyIf You Think It Might Cause Offense, Then Maybe Don't Say It?
“'No offense, but…', just before saying the most offensive thing you’ve heard in your life."- lisathethrowaway
A Disability Should Never Be A Punch
“'I’m so bipolar' to explain why they are indecisive or to play off poor life choices."
"Or just to say to sound quirky."
"Really hate that."
"I’m bipolar and rarely tell anyone."- PerplexedPoppy
Then Don't Cause Any!!!
"'I hate drama'."
"I have never heard someone say this, unsolicited, and not been exhausted with their shenanigans within a day."- Spodson
Drama Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphyDefinitely Not Something To Brag About...
"Describes himself as an Alpha Male."
"Tells you implausible stories about how tough he is/how many women he's 'Banged'."
"Yeah, me and you gonna fall out soon buddy."- Johhnymaddog316
Should I?
"'Do you know who I am?'"- Brave_D*ck
A Handshake Is Always The Best Place To Start...
"Where’s my huuuuug?"
"Immediately no."- xPunkdaddy
Come Austin Powers GIFGiphyNever A Good Sign If They Always Need To Declare Who They Are...
"As an empath --"- paramidia
"Good vibes only and 'I’m such an empath'."- Blacklotusispunk
Where To Even Begin...?
"'Why didn't they just take the eagles to Mordor?'"- Calligaster
lord of the rings no GIFGiphyThere's a reason our parents told us to choose our words carefully.
Sometimes the things people say can cause more pain and harm than physical violence of any kind.