The internet is a beautiful thing. Not only is it the apex of all of the world's knowledge, but it also serves as a confessional for deep, dark secrets. Thanks to Reddit, people aren't afraid to be their true selves- even if that self is different than the one in real life.
Redditor FKA_Indigo asked:
"What's a secret you will take to the grave but don't mind telling on the internet?"
Good deed.
"I had a sweet, wonderful student who had been in foster care but his mom worked her a** off to get him back and she did. He had to take a very important state exam and she called me and asked if he passed it. I looked at the grades and saw he did and said so. She burst into tears of joy and that is when I saw I had read the wrong score."
"He had failed."
"So I changed his grade to passing. No one knew. That was the only time I ever did that."
"That could have cost me my license."
"The weird thing is, when my awful corrupt principal pressured me to change other students' scores so we could raise our pass rate, I refused."
"I never told anyone what I did for my student.""
"He went into the military, was extremely successful there, has a great wife and kids, so I think I did the right thing.
"F*ck those tests. They aren't human."
A lot of people probably have this.
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"Mentioned before, will never tell anyone I had one of those expensive fancy life sized sex dolls. Got rid of it at first opportunity after getting a real partner. But it's literally the only secret I have that I'm not willing to say to anyone in real life."
"I watched a whole Vice program on it. I wouldn't mind giving it a go. I asked my roommate if he'd buy one, his line of thinking was spot on. Why not! But where would I hide it? A girl comes over and there's this life size mannequin with her mouth open sitting on the bed. "Don't mind her, I have you now."
Poor pup.
"Only I know that my mother-in-law killed her dog by sitting on it."
"Poor thing. Almost happened to our neighbors' dog, too. Chihuahua, the overweight son sat on him and broke the dog's pelvis. It survived but could never walk a straight line again after that."
How wholesome.
"I used to work for the airport and so got very discounted fares for friends and family. My mom was going on a trip with her friend to Key West and they were gonna drive since flying was too expensive. I talked her into letting me handle the flying arrangements and they'd save a ton. A typical $500+ flight turned into like $250 for both of them combined.
"Well, I was still kinda new at booking reservations and what not, and I ended up screwing up the reservation. I think I only booked it for one way or something. So the night before their flight, I rebooked it, and paid the $450 for the both of them (money I really didn't have) and have since never told my mom."
"It was for mother's day, so I figured that was my gift to her. It's been nearly 10 years since."
I'm sure the ghost didn't mind.
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"Speaking of grave... When I was a teenager some friends and I got really stoned and walked around the town cemetary. There was a whole section of generic flat grave markers from the 1800s."
"I found myself trying to imagine their lives in the same town I lived so long ago. Then I saw one plate kind of sticking up and crooked and I bent down to touch it. It wasn't attached at all, and I lifted it up in my hand."
"Right then, my asinine stoned teenage brain decided to put it in my backpack. I thought I'd somehow honor this stranger more than the shitty grounds' keeper leaving it all willy-nilly in the middle of the aisle. None of my friends saw what I did. Cue hours later, sober, and the guilt and panic are setting in."
"I hid the plate in my closet for about a year before I chucked it back over the fence one day late at night. I hope Bessie Jane Holmes doesn't mind that I kept her for awhile. I still think back and shudder at the guilt of such immoral f*ckery."
That's so sad.
"When I was a kid I used to sh*t in a tire in the garden because I was scared of getting locked in the toilet."
"When I was young I peed under the basement stairs every night. I was afraid my stepmother (at the time), would hurt me if I flushed the toilet and it woke her, so I went under the stairs in my "room" (a mattress in the basement)."
Holy sh*t.
"I attempted to murder my mother. She was abusive, verbally but also physically. She'd hit you in places no one would see, or rip clumps of my hair out when Dad was on the road for work. She probably has a personality disorder. She got in my face one night when I was coming home from my second job, and I had it. My Mom like went through whole periods where she wouldn't work, I was killing myself every summer working 50+ hours to pay family bills in my parents' names and also get my younger sister to all of HER activities. I HAD IT. I tried to put Mom's head through a wall."
"She started screaming, "Oh, help! Help!" and I told her she could dish it out, she should also be able to take it, shoved her on the ground and kicked her repeatedly in the abdomen and thigh, while still trying to put her head through the wall with one hand (it's a plaster-and-lath situation, old house in New England). She's destroyed so many people's lives and she never faces any consequences for it. No one in our family ever helped me or called the police when she would abuse me. The only one who ever helped was the dog, if the dog was awake when my mom tried to start something she'd get between us, growl at mom until she backed down. I had always shown restraint and never hit her until this night. But my Dad did call the cops on me when I crossed that line."
"The cops get there, split us up to interview, I explain my side and then just blurt out, "Where were you a**holes when I was 8 and she was doing that to me?" The cop was taken aback, I think he could tell I was being honest and it was a culmination of years of pain. He goes and talks to his partner, "I think this isn't an assault, I think it's a mental illness thing." Then they basically intimidated my Mom and Dad into agreeing with them, they wouldn't let it go until they agreed it was a medical issue not a criminal one. So they called an ambulance and I went to the hospital as part of a "diversion program." Basically, they sent me to detox for three days and I emerged with no record, no charges, no nothing except a script for prozac and a recommendation for therapy (paid for by the state low income insurance plan)."
"Trying to kill my mom probably saved my life, honestly. Because I got myself some tools from a CBT/DBT therapist, but I'm not stupid enough to want people to know. Who would date me? How would I ever get promoted at work? Anyway: be kind. You never know what someone's been through and you never know what people are capable of when pushed far enough."
Valid question.
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"I agreed to a first date with someone to make him stop crying. Six years later we're happily engaged and doing great."
"I don't know how well he remembers that, but I'm not bringing it up."
"Has he stopped crying yet?"
This is horrifying.
"That my dad paid my mom $1,500 for full custody of my youngest sibling. Not only would this be a massive blow to my sibling but my dad remarried quite quickly and the new wife is the very definition of an evil stepmom."
"If my sibling knew that our mom gave her up for such a small sum of money and the trade off was 5+ years of abuse she would be destroyed."
"I really don't understand this stuff, I couldn't imagine being with someone who treats my kid poorly. Like I feel like with any relationship, it would have to be agreed upon that the kid comes first"
How traumatizing.
"My father burned down my childhood home for the insurance money. He took me along as his "alibi", so I could verify he wasn't anywhere near it when it happened. I was 13 years old. I remember crying so hard knowing my clothes, books, photos - all of it would be destroyed. I wasn't allowed to save anything because he told me it would have been too suspicious."
"I found out years later he blamed it on me. Telling the fire chief (plus friends and family) the fire had started because I must have been secretly smoking in my bedroom. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life..."
"For those asking about how he could use me as an alibi AND blame me for starting the fire at the same time - I was told to say that we were at my little brother's t-ball game the whole time. He told everyone else that I must have been smoking cigarettes in my room downstairs (where the fire was started) and that I must not have put it out correctly when we left. Therefore starting the fire."
"We were not poor growing up, there were other things going on in my father's life that led him to do this. The money was just a welcome addition I'm assuming. He actually did end up with a felony for something else related to all that. It was 20+ years ago, so I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie."
This is a tough one.
"I'm trans. If anyone found out my life would be hell."
"Surround yourself with more accepting friends."
"It won't "fix it" but it will give you a support system that can cushion your world and offer options you may never have considered."
Gross.
"I pretended to be my best friend's girlfriend because he was actually dating his dad and he didn't want his mom and brother to get suspicious."
"How do I unread a post?"
A little yikesy.
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"I lost my virginity at age 27 with a woman who was 58. She is a sweet lady who knew my mother and felt badly for me. It was pity sex but I didn't care."
"I continued having sex with her for another 2 months until she ended it because I had grown "sexually dependent" on her. I'm 29 now and she's still the only woman I've had sex with."
"On the bright side, it will be easy to take this secret to the grave since I know I'm gonna die alone."
This one might be the winner.
"I intentionally killed a person. And got away with it."
"Alright, I'll bite. What happened?"
"It was my grandma's mother. She was an old and fragile woman with a lot of health issues coming for her. She used to babysit me and my sister. (good parenting, tell me about it). But me and my sister were getting tired and overly annoyed by her outdated ways of taking care of then today's children of society. We were basically human slaves for her when we were alone at her place."
"It seemed rather fair, for a 7 year olds brain, to just get her out of the way, no? After all, the way she treated me, treated us just seemed unfair to me. We told our parents that we didn't wanna go there anymore, we were tired of it. But no one listened, busy adults being themselves."
"So I found this box of rat poison under the sink, she had problems with those little fellas. While she was at the bathroom I put them in her food. My sister was just frozen, couldn't believe what I've done but wouldn't stop me either. So when she came back out to eat she just started choking. I called 911, instantly regretting what I have done."
"She was alive the last time I saw her, but died in the hospital from complications after her body and health not being able to handle the medications."
Do you have any secrets you'd like to get off your chest?
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.