Secrets are heavy. Holding a problem or discomfort inside seems to have its own extra dose of gravity. It feels lonely and usually, the best and only way to lighten that load is to get out.
We tell someone we trust the secret and we feel a little less lonely, and suddenly it doesn't all seem so heavy on our shoulders anymore.
But we must choose that recipient wisely.
After all, a secret is heavy because it is so inundated with that defining characteristic: if the wrong people heard it, interpersonal strife would erupt.
So we have to choose somebody air tight. If we choose wrong and they have loose lips, the blow up after they spill the beans will make the pain of holding it in look like chump change in comparison.
Some folks on the internet were unfortunately well acquainted with how it goes when the wrong choice is made.
Talking Shop Takes a Turn
"Talking sh** to a co-worker about how the job can be boring sometimes and the next day boss calls asking if I'm happy at the job. Learned my lesson." -- Zero1030
"Yeah, lesson learned here."
"Really gotta watch what you say and choose the wording you use very carefully in the workplace. It's sad that companies are this way, you give honest feedback about a job in passing or in a survey and now they have a reason to look at you differently..."
"Gotta love Corporate America tho." -- Jay_Heinz
"Told my former best friend I was doubting whether I was straight or not."
"Fast forward two years where i'm in a position of use to her, she literally said 'if you don't do this thing for me I will tell everyone you are secretly gay.'"
"Needless to say I blocked the number and told my friends that she might tell them i'm gay."
Absolutely Not Therapeutic
"My parents divorced and I was sent to mandatory therapy. I was told that it would be a confidential thing (and there were no red flags about me, etc, it was just the part of the usual procedure)."
"The therapist told the court and my parents literally everything I ever told her, I obviously get into huge trouble with my dad. I have major trust issues since then."
"I told my dad when I was 17 that I wish I weren't gonna turn 18 because then I knew my aunt could use any excuse to kick me out."
"Him and my aunt's boyfriend got into a argument while he was drunk and he turns to me and was like 'Tell them what you told me the other day!' Then storms off somewhere."
"Was interrogated into telling them what I told dad. My aunt reassured that they wouldn't kick me out when I'm 18 and blah blah."
"Anyways, guess who got threatened to be kicked out a few weeks after turning 18 anyways!! I just knew that she'd use it as ammo!"
Tis the Season to Ransack Your Roommate
"I told my former roommate who was an addict that I used klonopin for my anxiety disorder. I didn't have any choice in roommates btw. I went to thanksgiving at my Grandma's house came back and my room had been broken into and a couple things stolen."
"They went through my top drawer of my dresser where I kept my medications, looking for my klonopin. Luckily I had taken everything valuable with me to my Grandma's, but I'll never tell another person about my medication."
"When I was in 3rd or 4th grade I had a huge crush on this girl in my class. It was the first time I had felt like that and told my parents."
"They teased me about and made it into a big joke (I can still hear my mom saying the girls name in an exaggerated sing-song voice). I never spoke to them about anything like that ever again."
"To this day I still subconsciously associate those feelings with shame, and as such struggle to express or deal with them. And my mom wonders why she doesn't have grand kids lol"
A Loose Interpretation
"I started a new job in a call centre and the group I started with had to do these team building games and one of them was to learn 3 interesting things about the person next to you."
"I can't remember what I told him for the first two of them but I remember telling the guy that my gf at the time had a blackbelt in a martial art. Pretty innocuous stuff, usual ice breaking games."
"When the trainer got to him, he said the first two fine, and then announced to this group of future colleagues, that my gf beats me up. Domestic abuse is not funny, but my friends had made that joke before. This guy was a complete stranger. The whole room were complete strangers."
"It was then I knew, before anyone else, that you don't confide in this guy. I learned it then and there, some of my colleagues learned the same lesson much later and with much worse consequences."
For the Likes
"She was a YouTuber."
"When our friendship ended (you know, because all youtubers and narcissistic a**holes that'll do anything for attention) she made a video about my childhood trauma as if she was some kind of saint that had a friend with PTSD that she selflessly befriended regardless of how unstable they were..."
"...even though I was the only one with a job that supported a family while being in a long term relationship."
D & D Disapproval
"Told a friend of mine about how I was getting into D&D, but that my mom hated it and I was scared of her finding out. We had her over on Christmas day and she spilled the beans loudly and without a hint of shame."
"I had to have a chat with my mom, who said that wasn't even the first time this woman had told her—she'd come to my mom with the whole 'concerned friend' shtick going to tell her that she was worried this was taking over my life."
"In high school I told a friend after I'd lost my virginity, just one, but they told someone who told someone else who told the whole school."
"The next day my gf's friend called her a sl*t and refused to talk to her for ages, my gf was understandably very upset with me."
"When I was in 9th grade, I told Matt that Keith had a big mouth. Matt told Keith that I said he had a big mouth."
"Told my mom I was pregnant early on, then had a miscarriage. When I got pregnant again, I waited until I was 12ish weeks to tell her. She assumed I was telling her super early again and basically said I shouldn't tell anyone because 'Look what happened last time.'"
"The one person I should be able to trust cruelly threw my miscarriage in my face during what should have been a happy moment."
"Lesson learned: I'm never telling her anything ever again."
"There was a teacher I thought I could trust in middle school because she seemed like a cool adult, so in a random conversation I told her I liked anime, or that I was watching an anime or something (this was about 15 years ago, I don't remember exactly)."
"Next day I was called over to the student counselor and reprimanded because apparently she told them I had been staying up late watching satanic cartoons or some sh**."
"I know it sounds stupid, but that made me loose a lot of confidence trusting other people."
"I told someone why a guy they were weirdly interested in was dangerous."
"They told their partner, who told a person who they wanted to get with who told the person it was about."
"They spent half an hour grilling me about it."
"At night. By a river in the woods. Alone."
"Heard a person use our private conversation as an example in a public speech. He didn't mention my name, but it doesn't matter."
"A private conversation is private, not something you quote without even asking. Now I feel like I can't trust him at all anymore and never should have told him anything at all."
Leave the Human Body Out of It
"I have a cousin my same age and and we were close growing up but grew apart when she got engaged. I mentioned my endometriosis to her and expressed concerns."
"A few days later he fiance asked about it."
"Super uncomfortable conversation I was like??? Don't tell this guy that I barely know about the status of my reproductive organs."
Some Parting Wisdom
"One thing you have to watch out for: if someone talks badly about someone to you, what's to say they won't talk badly about you to someone else?"
"I'm always wary of these people and they always prove me right."
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Romance novels, romantic films and TV shows, advertisements, and society at large has made the gift of flowers a symbol of love, condolences, well wishes, or congratulations.
The actual act of giving flowers goes back centuries to ancient Greece, China, Egypt, the Victorian Era, and has evolved even in the last 100 years. In 1917, advertisers made giving flowers to mothers and grandmothers on Mother's Day a staple of the holiday.
Different eras and cultures have changed the way we view the importance of flowers or even the meaning behind the type of flower we are gifting. It shifted to become a gendered gesture most prodominantly in the Victorian Era as a way to express specific feelings for a romantic partner because it wasn't acceptable to share emotions outwardly.
For some reason, we still emphasize that gendered nature and restrict flower-giving to men and flower receiving to women. But what's wrong with a man getting flowers from a woman?
For some reason, we need to come up with an alternative gift for men so they don't feel emasculated (and that's on toxic masculinity). We wanted to find out what those gifts are.
So Redditor Charn22 asked:
"What is the male equivalent of buying a women flowers?"
Let's see what the men have to say.
Different kind of flower.
"I also enjoy flowers. My wife gets me the best Indica."
"Last Friday after a long day of work my girlfriend, who doesn't like weed, surprised me with a nice bag of Indica and told me to smoke for the weekend."
"I've been internally thinking about marriage a lot more this last week…"
"That's is what sealed the deal for our marriage!! She hunted down my favorite strain 100% pure DJ Short Blueberry…I looked for months found variations but never the original…made my year and was just a 'I love you gift,' no occasion; a keeper! 10 years and two kids later still in love!"
"That's love there."
Don't buy anything at all.
"Thoughtful, romantic materialistic items are great, however I'd be more than satisfied with a hug and a kiss."
"Back rub. My wife actually enjoys rubbing my back. It's good to be me."
It's the little things.
"Some guys like gifts, some guys don't. I don't like gifts, but that's also because I've dated spoiled rich girls who expected them and that experience sort of ruined it for me. But there are other ways to show appreciation."
"My current girlfriend does this one thing that always makes me smile. I am a heavy sleeper and I have a hard time getting up early in the morning. She's a morning person so she's always up ahead of me so now she likes to get up while I'm still sleeping and makes coffee for me. She doesn't even drink coffee and at first didn't even know what proportions to use."
"It makes me smile every time because getting my morning coffee is the first thing I do every day. It's a small gesture but it's one I really appreciate because I always wake up very sleepy. She usually wakes me up getting back in bed and now that I know what she's doing, it gives me a great opportunity to show my appreciation in another way."
"You should, like, marry her and stuff."
"I just about cried when my last GF first made me coffee in the morning... when no one's ever done that for you before it's a seriously big deal!"
"Nice to know some men appreciate it. My ex always took me doing stuff like that for granted. I even got up and did it DESPITE not being a morning person at all, but I was always a lighter sleeper so I was usually up first anyway."
Who doesn't love snacks?
"My late husband disliked going into stores, so I would often buy his favourite treats for him while shopping."
"Love me some snacks. Ice cream too. My son usually gets 'em all but sometimes the wife remembers mine and I'm stoked when she does."
"My ex loved 6 packs of beer and a foot long Bellacino's chicken grinder. I gave him that one year for Valentine's Day along with a VHS tape full of MMA fight matches to watch instead of going out to dinner. He almost cried. That was a good day."
Food is the way to a mans heart.
"'Honey, I was passing your favorite restaurant and I picked you up a cheeseburger and onion rings. I hope that's ok.' Yes, it's ok."
"My wife would have to call me to let me know she ran out of gas driving around trying to decide which place to stop at."
"I'd marry a woman who does that twice. hot diggity!"
Actually, maybe flowers aren't that bad of an idea.
"Buying a guy flowers."
"I would be very touched if a girl gave me flowers. I would never forget that."
"I love it when my fiancé buys me flowers. They look nice in the house, they smell nice, and it's a gift showing they care about me! There is literally no down side… unless it would completely shatter someone's fragile masculinity."
"My wife doesn't like getting cut flowers because she would prefer they didn't die for her "enjoyment." Potted flowers are okay."
"I don't dislike flowers, they are just invisible to me. If my wife puts a vase of flowers somewhere, I won't even notice until she points them out. Several times in the past, she has gone away for a week and come back and asked why I haven't thrown away the dead flowers. I never even noticed there were flowers there, let alone that they died, lol."
But it's not for everyone, just as not all women like flowers either.
"So I've seen men mention this a number of times on reddit. I therefore decided to get my partner some for his birthday (in addition to other things), and he was NOT impressed. It sucked."
"First time I ever bought flowers for a boyfriend he made it very awkward. 'Um, thanks? You don't buy men flowers.' Strict gender role adherence can really make a person miss out on small joys!"
"A direct equivalent would just be a nice plant. Personally I'm not very into flowers, they seem impractical because they wilt away after a few days. But a nice plant that can stick around for a while would be cool."
There are plenty of ways you can treat your partner and show your appreciation for them. What's important to remember that, regardless of gender, everyone is different.
We have to be specific and pay attention to our partners. Treating them like they deserve to be treated, with respect and adoration, is important and necessary to making them feel appreciated.
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The style and manner of our conversations fluctuate depending on social or professional environments.
But in a stressful work environment, many of us are inclined to drop the f-bomb but choose not to for the sake of professionalism.
Is there a way to professionally tell someone to F off without actually using those exact words?
This is something that was explored on an Ask Reddit thread when user daniabear asked:
"How can someone say 'f'k you' in a professional situation?"
Getting a supervisor involved was mentioned as an intimidation tactic.
Using A Superior
"I spoke with your supervisor about the matter and they agree with me."
"*just CCing the supervisor*"
"My favorite is when a co-worker sends me an email and CCs all pertinent supervisors under the guise of 'I've told you repeatedly about X not working and months later it's still not working."'
"And then I go dig up my original, professional reply that explained how they were doing it wrong and that X is in fact working just fine, please just follow procedure. I forward that original reply with no explanation to the whole thread as a response to the very unprofessional tantrum they're currently throwing."
"Then I sit back, sip my coffee and wait. I typically turn on my read receipt for these types of communications so I can sense the disturbance in the force in real time."
Read The Email
"When someone asks in an email for something you already sent them, you just forward the original email."
"It pisses me off that I have to keep track of what's been said and when, just to be able to find it and point to it - while it's easy for the a**hole who's not paying attention to just ask again, and again."
If read between the lines, these statements is like flipping the bird.
"I've taken your idea/feedback/POV under advisement. Thank you for your contribution."
Basically, You're Wrong
"I humbly disagree with your opinion."
Finding The Tone
"There's nuance in context. If I'm in a meeting (in person or remote) and I say 'let's talk about that offline'. That might be neutral as something is another topic or concern or the flow or time constraints are such that, that's more ideal. It can also mean other things. I think most people know the difference."
There was room for some creativity.
I Hear You
"With all DUE respect."
"'With all due respect.... f'k you' and then push send"
Kill Them With Kindness
"I hope your day is as lovely as you are."
A Slight Misinterpretation
Say to the person 'You should go f'k off eh!'"
"They will to the predicable thing, act shocked/offended and say something like 'Excuse Me?!' or 'Pardon me?!?!' or "WHAAAT?!!!"
"Then you 'repeat' yourself 'I said, You should go for coffee."
The Final Destination
"Perhaps the road less traveled is where you belong."
"Your objections have been duly noted and summarily overruled."
The responses varied depending on the work situation.
I work in entertainment. Many people in the industry are very passionate and they are not limited to those we see on stage and screen.
A production team is comprised of individuals who have integrity and have no problem mincing words when things go awry.
In my experience, when the occasional f-bomb is dropped in a non-combative situation, no one bats an eye.
What immediately follows is a collective, unspoken understanding that something didn't go over well, and everyone goes about their business.
We leave the drama for the stage.
Parenting is hard. That is a basic, simple truth--and it is not meant for everybody. I truly will never understand why people don't have to prove themselves capable of being parents before they decide to bring a new life into this world. You have to have a license to drive, buy a gun... fish! Why is there not a parenting permit?
Everything you do affects your children. And then children become adults who carry your actions that turn to scars. The job of a parent is riddled with failures. So that is a truth you have to ready yourself for and then make a plan to do better.
Thank God for therapists.
Redditor u/umbralia wanted to discuss the gritty details and the imperfections of childhood, by asking:
What are the things you feel your parents failed at when raising you?
I know I could never be a parent. I've never even kept a plant alive. It's a miracle my dog is semi-normal. That's the first step, acknowledge your faults and truths.
little things...Season 4 Swag GIF by Rick and MortyGiphy
"Confidence/worrying. Little things seem to be a big deal with them Also both of them would make unnecessary comments about my looks."
"Absolutely no food guidance at all. I was allowed to have as much soda, cookies, candy, cakes, chips, all sorts of junk food, etc., as I wanted. Seldom was there any healthy food in the house. I struggled with my weight most of my childhood and the early part of my adulthood because I was never taught to eat healthy. Finally as an adult I started figuring it out and finally lost the weight but I was not raised, ever, to eat healthy but I wish I was."
"Independence, I was the kid who had an overprotective parent so when other kids went to parks/shops/friends houses I was told no you can't go because it's unsafe, made me very socially isolated because everyone else did things and I had to stay back on my own."
No Big Loss
"My mom, she complained about me losing weight (I didn't) when I wanted to just eat enough to not be hungry. She kept asking me where I got this crazy idea to only eat when I'm hungry. And the worst part? When She was complaining about the weight I didn't lose, I was STILL overweight."
Impactcouple yelling GIF by The Maury ShowGiphy
"They failed at keeping their relationship issues to themselves and not letting it spill over into our childhood and impact our daily lives."
Children are always watching. That is lesson number one. Also, focus on imparting the ways your babies can live a full life and not just how to survive struggle.
ExplosionsIntimidating Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"How to manage my anger. I was implicitly taught to bottle everything up because anger is an unacceptable emotion. It has had unexpected effect in a variety of areas down the line, especially when it comes to dealing with authorities."
"everything is ok"
"I have this reward issue, but for a different reason. My father used to just disappear for months at a time when I was a kid. We were a 2 income household and my mother was always too proud to ask for help or even admit there was a problem, so we usually went hungry and without power sometimes."
"Whenever my father came back, it meant we had money again and to compensate for how awful things were, my mother would take us grocery shopping and we'd get whatever we wanted. I remember vividly the times we'd come home from shopping and just pig out on ice cream, snack cakes, frozen pizza, candy, cookies, whatever we wanted."
"Having food, especially junk food, meant "everything is ok" in my brain. A lot of feast and famine as a kid. As an adult, it took me a while to work out healthier eating habits. There is still nothing as comforting as a stomach full of processed junk, but it doesn't happen often anymore."
Never Far Enough!
"My parents were extremely strict. I had to go to bed at 9pm every night, no matter whether it was a holiday or weekend. I was only able to be with friends my parents approved of. I went out with a guy in high school to see a movie that she chose for us to see. When we got to the theater, the movie was sold out so we chose a different movie."
"Both were rated PG (my mom would prefer it was rated G), and when I got home I told my mom about the movie we saw. She got furious with me because I didn't call her to get permission to change movies. That's just one of the many nightmares I dealt with. My mom would say something was okay to one day, and the next day we weren't allowed to do it ever again."
"I moved out when I was 18 years old. She lives in New England and I moved to Alaska for a while and then California. I haven't lived on the East Coast in almost 30 years. I'm in my 60's and sometimes I wonder if living all the way across the country is far enough away."
Feel the Hate
"When they got divorced it was abundantly clear they hated each other more than they loved us. Prior to that they were pretty good parents considering how young they were. Especially considering my dad had one of the worst examples of a father I'd care to imagine. They just got blinded by the bitterness between them and nobody thought to see above it."
"My sister was the center of attention when I was a kid, and in many ways, she still is. I lived a solitary childhood. My mom was completely disengaged from my life. I never go to do sports, hang out with friends, get involved in after school or extracurricular activities, or develop any hobbies. I was meant to be seen, not heard. I lived my entire childhood reading books, playing chess, and wandering around town aimlessly completely alone."
"And when I became of age to start working, she used my savings account as a means to finance sister's life. In later years when my sister grew up to be a sociopath, pathological liar, and ego maniac, they sort of recognized the mistake. My mom inquired recently why I never brought a girl over and I explained there was no room for me to have a social life in my sister's world."
Living WellNew Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy
"Confidence, money management, and throughout my teenage years, caring for me in general. I get it, my older brother had just died, but you had three other kids. One was only 8, and at 13, I shouldn't have had to step up and be his mother."
See there... failure and consequence. That is why there are so many wealthy therapists out there. Nobody says you have to be the perfect parent, just aim to be decent.
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You never know when you might need it.
That's a mantra we should all try to remember––especially when we're out driving. Suppose you get into a minor accident. It might be a good idea to have a first aid kit on hand, just in case. Oh, and if you ever spill anything, it might be a good idea to keep paper towels––or just towels––on hand.
You'll thank yourself later.
People offered their recommendations after Redditor thelegend223 asked the online community,
"What's something you would recommend people start to keep in their cars?"
"Not only helpful..."
"Jumper cables. Not only helpful if you need them, but it's nice to help others out. I've never used them for myself but at least a dozen times helping others."
A friend of mine always has jumper cables on hand and has even helped out some of my neighbors! It's awesome.
"Besides the obvious safety stuff, a roll of paper towels is way more convenient than you could possibly imagine."
"Tried to refill..."
"Taco Bell napkins. Checking the oil? Blowing your nose? Tried to refill your vape in traffic? Always napkins."
You will never regret having napkins on hand. They are a lifesaver.
"Last thing I'd want..."
"In addition to a lot of the stuff posted here, I keep a pair of old boots. The last thing I'd want is to deal with a breakdown etc. and have on flip flops or dress shoes or something."
"If you see a car..."
"Bottled water, blankets, and sweets.
My father-in-law told me this. If you see a car which has broken down on the motorway then those poor people have to vacate the vehicle for their own safety and stand at the roadside. If it's a family and they're waiting for their recovery they'll appreciate the blankets to keep warm and dry, the water because water is nice, and the sweets to cheer the kids up.
Pull over and give them that and it will make their bad situation a little bit better."
This is so wholesome. Anything to help out your fellow man is very much appreciated!
"I wouldn't have been able..."
"Fire extinguisher. I've put out a car fire with one. Not my vehicle, but still. I wouldn't have been able to help had I not had it."
Definitely keep a fire extinguisher on hand. You never know when you might need it for your car. Things happen!
"Cash. I once made the intelligent move of leaving for a road trip alone without my wallet. I'd stopped a few hours from home to gas up when I realized. Had enough cash stashed for gas to get me back home."
Cash, definitely. And keep it out of sight, of course. You don't want anyone breaking into your car.
"You put everything..."
"An emergency "can't get home" bag. You put everything in it you'd need if you were told to go to a hotel for 24 hours taking only what you had on you and in your car. Soap, clothes, an extra $100, toothbrush, food/water, phone charger/wall wart, etc. It comes in handy for a lot of things, just remember to rotate out the food and water if you decide to put some snacks and bottles of water in there."
"If you're in a relationship..."
"If you're in a relationship with a woman or have daughters or anything, a stash of feminine hygiene products as well. It'll come in handy eventually."
"To this day..."
"I visited Israel a few times and their requirement is to have a reflective vest and either a reflective triangle or those spark lights within arms reach for the driver. Thought it was not a bad rule, put a vest/triangle combo in the back of the seat.
To this day, I've given out seven sets like that too broken down cars on the roads. While I have no way of helping them fix the car, at least I help them set up the triangle for safety. None have ever refused to wear a vest when offered. So I just buy a new set after for myself or the next person."
We realize you're going to practically use up all of your trunk space with all this stuff, but trust us: You'll be so thankful later.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us in the comments below!