People Divulge The Stupidest Thing They've Ever Heard Come Out Of Someone's Mouth
Some people's stupidity can just flabbergast you. Oftentimes it comes out in an unexpected moment. For instance, once I was curled up next to someone. It was a winter day in the wee hours of the morning, we were watching big fat snowflakes drift through the ice crystallized trees.
Because of this beautiful setting we got on the subject of how amazing nature is. They mentioned how powerful nature can be, bringing up the supervolcano at Yellowstone. This is where things went sideways, as they began to explain to me how if the volcano were to erupt it would result in a supernova in space.
Still not sure how they got there, honestly I just changed the subject because it seemed easier than a 5 am science lesson.
Redditor KarvedHeart wanted to hear the stupidest things others have heard.
"What is the stupidest thing you have ever heard out of someone's mouth?"
*screams in geography*
“USA specific. I'm from New Mexico. In high school, I was talking with a group of people in my history class about where we were from. When I mentioned I was born and raised in NM, one of the girls (She was from Cali I believe) got really excited and asked if she could see my green card.”
“She had never seen one before, but she was positive that people in this state are given a birth certificate along with a green card. Because of the Mexico part. I had to explain that we didn't get green cards, because NEW Mexico is a state and not part of Mexico.” spooky_panic
How did they get into uni in the first place!?
“'I thought snow was just the dust that blows off mountains and rain was when the snow melted' 23 year old in one of my uni classes." ChemicalHedgehog6avalanche GIFGiphy
They only wanted to pay for half the bottle...
“I worked at a bagel shop and I had a customer come in with a complaint one day after buying some nestle chocolate milk from us. So here is how the story goes:"
“We had a guy come in and accuse us of selling and charging him for 2 bottles worth of chocolate milk inside of one bottle when he only wanted 'one serving'. I guess he thought it was a super large or something? (We only have one size, and it isn't that big) His reasoning for thinking that?"
“On the bottle of chocolate milk it says that a thoughtful serving is half the bottle, so he thought one bottle = 2 bottles of chocolate milk and he only wanted one. I had to explain to this guy that a thoughtful portion was just a recommendation by Nestle that he only drink half the bottle because it's healthier."
"And it's not that there are two chocolate milk bottles in the one bottle he bought. Then he told us we should be less confusing, and then I had to explain to him that we do not own nestle and do not have a chocolate milk factory in the back of the shop where we make and produce the chocolate milk."
"Then he said he no longer wanted it because he is "hearing now that it is not fresh" so he tried to get a refund on a half drunk chocolate milk and I had to explain to him that no, we can not do that. And then he left in a huff. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it really is true. People this stupid exist in our world as members of society." Timothy_McEvoy
“‘How do left handed people drive?’ -my sister. As she then proceeded to try and drive ‘left footed’.” thats_up_top
Almost like teaching CRT is important...
“If the holocaust was real, why didnt the jews just get out? Edit: as in.....walk out of the camps they were held in.” Y_10HK29
“I've had way too many people ask/"ask" me this regarding slavery. ‘Why didn't they just up and leave, or up and murder the enslavers? There's 50 of them and 5 of the family that owned them!’”
“Idk man, perhaps because a nation whose laws, economy, and customs actively supported slavery somehow didn't also have many pathways for escaped people to just waltz away and live freely, or much in the way of legal loopholes that would allow them to murder people without repercussions.”
“Plus when enslavement is race-based, anyone who looks a particular way walking around freely would draw suspicion from literally everyone who saw them.” Much_Difference
But he became a real boy!
“On a tour bus in Italy. A tourist kept asking to see Pinocchio's grave. The tour guide explained he wasn't a real boy. The tourist again said, but where is he buried? He just wasn't understanding."
“Edit: We were in Florence and the guide was sharing stories about Carlo Collodi, Pinocchio's creator. She later shared other hilarious stories about things tourists asked about." AlkahestGem
People Who Made A Lot Of Money From Something Totally Random | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
“Some dad’s breath...”
“At an old job we had balloons in the office leftover from a kids birthday party in the restaurant. A server comes in, and says 'Oh Balloons!' She then picked a balloon up OF THE GROUND, opened it, inhaled the air and said hello all excitedly.”
“She then goes 'Oh! Why didn't it work?' Her face when I explained to her that wasn't helium she had just breathed in, but some Dad's breath that'd been in the balloon for hours, was priceless.” SergeantSGTDisgusted No Thank You GIF by Shark WeekGiphy
“My bother in law plastered baby oil all over his body and sat out in the sun for 2hrs. I told him he was going to get skin cancer. His response ‘I don't believe in skin cancer’. This is the guy who refuses to have a microwave in his house because ‘they are bad for you’.” Cattangel63
To be fair his hair was fantastic and it was the 80s...
“It blew my mind when I found out that David Bowie's hair didn't always look like it did in Labyrinth. I was maybe 7 or so, and while I understood the concept of actors, I just thought as a rock star in the '80s that he looked like that all the time.” BangarangPitaDavid Bowie GIFGiphy
And we have a winner...
“I worked at a hippy crystal store in the mall. These girls come up and are looking at our amethyst cathedrals. One reached out to touch it and her friend immediately held her back and pulled her away, yelling 'Don't touch that! It's Asthmathyst! Being around it gives you asthma'. She was genuinely upset…I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard that one." spooky_panic
“All of these stories are great. Mine isn't super crazy, but it always makes me laugh. My wife called me while I was at the store probably two years ago and told me to get a few things. She starts listing things off and says ‘can you get me some water potatoes’ I had to stop and reboot my brain because that was a sentence I had never heard before.”
“I thought she was messing with me but nope! Deadly serious. After a back and fourth of her trying to explain to me what in the hell it was she was asking for, I find out she wanted water chestnuts. So now they're just called water potatoes in my house.” King_Metzy
No that's definitely not it...
“When I was in high school, I took Latin, which ended up being about half language class and half Roman history class. One day, our teacher asked us if anyone knew what the Feast of the Lupercal was.”
“This kid's hand shot up and he said ‘Oooh! Oooh! Isn't that when the Jews eat their foreskins?’ Class was effectively canceled due to laughter. After about 10 minutes, our teacher got up, went into the next classroom, brought back that teacher and told the kid to repeat what he had said.”
“He did, and the other teacher just stood there, mouth open and shaking his head. 20 years later, my best friend and I still get a laugh out of this.” LastLingonberry3221
It can't unhinge like a snakes jaw for goodness sake!
“That I am technically not a twin because I was born 2 min earlier then my brother instead of exactly at the same time.” Kaporalisvarner
“one of the girls dead serious asked me what it was like living in igloos...”
“When I was in highschool (I'm from Toronto, Canada) I went to Chicago and went on a boat tour highlighting the architecture of the buildings around the city. While on there I began talking to a group of grade 12 students on a field trip from a high school just outside of Chicago.”
“I mentioned I was visiting from Canada and one of the girls dead serious asked me what it was like living in igloos and did we actually get around by dog sledding. It took a lot of people to convince her that Canadians don't all just live in igloos. She even topped it off by asking if our bathrooms were the same. Me and my mom could not get over it.” AcanthocephalaLost40
“I was at an all night coffee shop near a college campus. A jock was trying to impress his study partner with a 20 minute oratory that Watchmen -- the Zack Snyder adaptation of the graphic novel -- was ‘about love.’ His speech caused me physical pain from 2 tables over.”
“His study partner kept having giggle fits because she was watching me wince the whole time. Dude was trying so, so earnestly to impress her with his mind; I don't know how he didn't know he was getting laid that night, and it wasn't because of his brains. I wanted so desperately to walk over, hand him the condom from my wallet, and tell him not to breed.” Relevant-Slide2759
Wait mmmm, that's not how it works...
”My first time in the USA (I'm from South Africa), I met a girl and told her that I love being here but am sad that I'm missing my summer for her winter (it was December). She could not understand how it was a different season in the Southern Hemisphere. Could not comprehend Christmas in Summer.”
“Eventually I managed to convince her of this truth. A few days later, she brought me a gift and said Happy Birthday to me (my birthday is July 16, she said HBD on December 16). She figured that since the seasons are switched the months must be switched too…” ziggyfro
Getting pulled over walking...
“A cop stopped me one day, as I was walking home from the corner store. He pulled up in front of me as I was about to cross the neighborhood street and snarls at me... What are you doing over here!? I said well I live here.. what are you doing here?"
“He says 'WELL WE GOT A CALL THAT THERE WAS SOMEONE RIDING A BIKE DOWN THIS STREET!' I couldn't help but let out a small giggle as I started to ask ok but why are You here tho?? First sir I didn't even know that was a thing."
“Like can people not ride bikes down the street anymore or are you only with people riding a bike down this particular one. ... In a low Harald and Kumar voice I added 'Is this your street, sir?' Haha so why did you stop and start questioning me then.. you realize I'm walking ?" SeirraD223
“Karen conspiracy theorist...”
“My mom thought america made covid to economically reset the world and she thought my brother was on vacation in North Korea. My mom is mostly smart but sometimes she just becomes some Karen conspiracy theorist for some reason." jurredbeste21
Not exactly, try again...
“A friend of my brother saw a picture of mount rushmore and said ‘hey guys, look at the beatles’. I mean, sure, i also think that john, paul, ringo and george should have been presidents, buuuut.” torpedolina
Well if these weren't enough to make your brain hit and want to fund education we don't know what will.
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People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized Their Friends Were A-Holes
Most people have friends they've been close to for most of their lives.
But at the same time, friends evolve, and everyone finds themselves losing touch with any number of people they at one point considered their friends over time.
Most of the time, this isn't intentional, but just simply happens.
On rare occasions though, people might realize that their friends were not exactly who they thought they were, and didn't like who they revealed themselves to be.
Redditor One-Refrigerator69 was curious to hear stories of people who realized their friends were not exactly the nicest people to be around, leading them to ask:
"When was the moment you realized that your friends are assholes?"
Compared to others...
"When I started hanging out with better people."- Darklink326
All it took was getting my life together
"When I quit drinking ‘cos it was killing me."
"There were people I literally saw every single day who just disappeared as if by magic."
"12 years ago this week, as it happens."
"I’m not anti-drink, far from it."
"Some people, me included, just can’t enjoy it without it becoming a problem."
"Everyone is different."- bigdaftgeordie
A little perspective goes a long way.
"After I realized that other people don't sh*t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."- ViscousPlatemanThe Simpsons GIF by MOODMANGiphy
Lack of respect for other people's things
"I let my friend borrow my ps2 when I went to boot camp."
"When I came back, he said he sold it and gave me $50 I think?"
"This was in 2006."- madmike-86
Lack of mutual respect
"When he does sh*t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, then I do the same back and he gets offended."- Primary-Maybe-2749·
Constantly being taken advantage of.
"They only bothered with me when it suited them."
"I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."- zombi33mjhappy eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy
When they literally revealed themselves to be criminals
"When they robbed me at gunpoint."- Ok_Student8032
When they stopped liking them after a change of situation
"Fourth grade, when my parents economical situation went downhill and suddenly no one invited me to their birthday party."
"Until Seven years later no one had never invited me to their birthday, or to anything at all actually."- Justalittletoserious
Not being able to get a word in...
"When they tell me to shut up when I say anything."- the_golden_cheesela respuesta GIF by Becky GGiphy
Violently playing with emotions
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions, telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc, and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly."
"One night I was crying on the phone cause I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bullsh*t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call, because I didn't get it and I was so upset."
"I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."- Juliemj
It's always sad when our friends disappoint us.
But when our friends proved to be completely different people than we thought they were, it can be devastating.
As the saying goes, one never truly knows who their friends are.
When visiting any foreign country, one should always be familiar with the laws and customs of the land.
After all, what might be generally accepted on your home turf, might be frowned upon, if not illegal, elsewhere.
For that matter, even locals might need a refresher course on what they can and can't do while at home.
A recent Redditor was curious to hear what tourists and locals alike should avoid doing in the USA, leading them to ask:
"In the United States, what should you never do?"
Stay out of the skies!
"Don't fly a drone in Washington, DC."
"The whole D.C. Area is a no fly zone."
"It's a federal offense."
"Just don't do it."- PeytonCarrK
Cops can't be bribed.
"Don't try to bribe cops when you get pulled over."
"I had some Argentinian friends immediately pull out their wallets and start pooling their cash when they got pulled over once.'
"Fortunately someone in the car noticed and told them to put it away immediately."- PeytonCarrK
"Don't pay off the police."
"My dad has friends from several third-world nations where it is common practice to give the police some cash when you are pulled over."
"However, if you try to bribe a police officer here, you'll get into a lot of trouble."- JohnASmiley
Know your rights.
"Everyone, including foreigners, has the right to be silent and have a lawyer when being questioned."
"Don’t say anything."
"Also, even if you speak English fairly well, ask for an interpreter."- WickedLilThing
Enjoy all that nature has to offer... carefully!
"Don't wander off in the national parks."
"It's very real wilderness and you can get lost and die out there."
"This includes going over railings you aren't supposed to, or off trails."
"People have died accidentally falling into a steam geyser that looked like normal water, mauled by animals or left to the elements."- AlphaOhmeganational parks GIF by Visit The USAGiphy
Allow plenty of time!
"Expect consistency at TSA in airports."- WickedLilThing
Some terminology doesn't translate...
"If you’re from England, they’re called cigarettes here."- Yung_Onions
Make sure your license is up to date.
"If you come from a walkable country don’t come here expecting the same."
"There are some areas with good public transportation and bicycle/pedestrian friendly streets but for the most part, especially outside of cities, the areas are designed to accommodate cars more than anything else."
"The reason a lot of Americans drive everywhere is because, depending on where you live, we have no choice."- The_Cars93Dog Driving GIFGiphy
Wait for instructions.
"Get out of your car and approach the cop when being stopped by a cop unless told to."- hildrash
Whether your'e waling down a street in a foreign country, or the street you've lived on for your entire life, it's always wise to be on guard and aware of your surroundings.
Not to mention, obey the law.
People Share The Best 'Yo Mama' Jokes They Know
Who doesn't love a good joke?
And one needn't be a professional comedian to always have a joke in their back pocket to make people laugh.
Particularly as there are certain types of jokes which are almost always guaranteed to elicit at least a tiny chuckle.
They could be knock-knock jokes, "little johnny" jokes, and of course the "yo mamma" jokes.
Though always teetering on the boundaries of good taste, the possibilities of jokingly insulting the mother of a friend, or foe, are endless, and more often than not, hilarious.
Redditor nobody-and-68-others was eager to hear the funniest "you mamma" jokes people have ever heard, leading them to ask:
"What are the best “Yo mama” jokes you got?"
Yo mamma's so fat...
"yo mamma so fat she wakes up in sections."- LolCoca
"Yo mama so fat when I had a threesome with her I never met the other guy."- 1nzlocky
"Your mama so fat, her memory foam mattress wish it could forget."- cuirboyFat GIFGiphy
...How fat Is she?
"Yo mama's so fat she outweighs the needs of the many."- BenefitsCustardbatch·
"Yo mama’s so fat that every time she turns around, it’s her birthday."- Amphibutter·
Yo mamma's so ugly...
'Yo mama so ugly, criminals break into her house just to close the curtains."- Cap_the_pro
"Yo mama so ugly your dad wakes up with morning wouldn't."- lukeedbnash
"Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves."- SolHalcyonthe emperors new groove hangover GIFGiphy
This could have so many meanings...
"The earth was flat until they buried yo mama."- jaymo54
Fat AND Ugly?
"Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, the stock market drops."
"Yo mama so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back."- SophisticatedOtaku
Needless to say, not all jokes are to everyone's taste.
Something to keep in mind when sharing these jokes with others.
Particularly with, "yo mamma", or anyone else's...
People Explain Which Things Are Acceptable In 2022 That Weren't When They Were Growing Up
Societal norms gradually change over time, and it's not until a generation looks back and notices just how far they've come.
One of the major differences people from earlier generations find fascinating is how things were much more rigid compared to current times.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor FCFSDeals asked:
"What’s now weirdly acceptable in 2022 that was not acceptable growing up in your generation?"
Prior to cellphones, calling protocol was vastly different once upon a time.
Answering The Call
"Not answering the phone. When we only had landline phones (yes long time ago), there was no ringing phone that went unanswered. Now we screen or just plain ignore calls until we are good and ready to deal with it."
"Also, no one expected to reach you at any time, 24-7. I miss those days."
"But there was phone etiquette: no solicitation calls; no polls; and nobody called after 9PM unless someone was in jail or the hospital."
Appearance guidelines seemed to have shifted between generations.
"People have already said tattoos, but body piercings also exploded in popularity. It used to be girls could get their ears pierced, and that was it. When I was in high school, some guys started doing the one earring look and tongue, nose and bellybutton piercings were starting to become popular."
Comfort Is Priority
"Wearing sneakers to work at a fortune 100 company."
"At the beginning of my career it was suit and tie, then business casual and now I wear stan smiths, jeans and an untucked polo in the most senior position of my working life."
"I worked for the US Senate in 2009 (in a totally non-political job for the Senate Curator). I wore clothes from Hot Topic on the Senate floor. Some days I wore old jeans with holes in the knees if I knew I'd be climbing ladders to clean artworks. One of the women on the team had a full chest tattoo and made zero effort to cover it up because no one cared. The day I met Senator Inouye to discuss what paintings he wanted in his office, I had on trainers."
Benefits Of Letting The Hair Down
"They realized that they can't erode wages and expect us to look like we're on Mad Men at the same time. Allowing long haired freaky people has made them sh*tloads of money over the years."
Hair Coloring & Tattoos
"Any type of hair coloring would result in serious trouble at school. I also remember tatoos being frown upon as being found mostly on people that got out of prison."
The advent of the internet was a huge game changer, and rules were made up as we went along.
The Bandwidth Situation
"2 people using the internet at the same time."
Phones In The Classroom
"Middle/high school students being allowed to have their cell phones in class. Being caught with our cell phone when I was a high schooler was an automatic detention etc."
Consequences Of Having A Phone On Campus
"I graduated in the late 90's, and the president of my class got expelled one week before graduation for having a phone on campus. It was in his car, and this was after hours. It rang and a teacher heard it. They made an example out of him. He lost his admission to West Point."
"Now my 8th grader finds it super unjust that her science teacher makes all the kids put their phones in a box at the front of the room during tests, and feels super justified in never ever giving up her airpods to that sort of thing."
When I was a cast member at Disneyland in the early 2000s, we had to abide by the strict, clean-cut appearance guidelines required of all cast members–with different rules applying to each respective gender.
Men, for example, were not allowed to wear jewelry or have visible tattoos. We also had to maintain the length of our hair to not exceed past a certain length, and sporting facial hair was a major no-no.
Now, the "Disney Look" has changed, allowing all cast members to reflect their personalities through “gender-inclusive hairstyles, jewelry, nail styles and costume choices; and allowing appropriate visible tattoos," according to the Disney Parks Blog.
To the Mouse, I tip my hat for these awesome changes.